I am trying to get it all out before I get crazy busy again. So I know this chapter is not quite perfect. I just hope I haven't missed anything and have to correct it later.
I won't bore you with the details of my life. I have been really busy does cover it pretty well. Even in typing this sentence I am also having a conversation with someone...it is never-ending...the craziness. Because it's taken so long to get back...this chapter is a completely new unexpected thing...I will never know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm betting on 'good' tho :)
Anyway...enough from me...lets get on with it so I can get to the next chapter. ;)
P.S. Your reviews and support continue to give me the reasons to carry on giving this story as much love and care as I possibly can. Thank you.
Blessings, Jam. xx

Chapter S3v3nt33n

Jane straddles Casey sitting almost entirely on his legs. Legs he can now feel. Casey had been unable to have sex since his injury and last night was a celebration of sorts. He was able to be, in his own eyes, a man again. Jane had allowed him unrestrained access to her body and had patience as he found his 'feet' again. It was not entirely unlike getting back on a bike after so long off it.

Last night had been unlike the past times together in so many ways. It was gentle at times yet moments of frustration seemed to overwhelm his joy. In the end it was more like sex and less like love making. Casey didn't seem to notice as Jane rolled away from him in the end and slept with her back to him lost in her own thoughts.

Casey had been selfish in meeting his own desires but then that was not unusual. Jane had always been the selfless one in all areas of their relationship including intercourse. But she had felt fulfilled in the pleasure she saw in him. How happy he was to be no longer injured, no longer restrained. A free man.

And perhaps he took it too far at times, holding her tighter than was comfortable, pulling her hair even when she expressed momentary pain, ignoring her when she cried out and allowing his entire weight to crush her twice. She dismissed it as being 'in the heat of the moment'. She ignored her discomfort because he was back and he was happy.

But then, the way he looked at her did not make her feel loved or wanted either, it did not give her butterflies in her belly. It was a dark lust she feared she could never satisfy within him. Maybe that is where things were more different than before.

But then he had chosen her. This good looking, sweet British man had chosen her when he could have been like every other man in her life and left her. Abandoned her. Blamed her for their problems. Used her for sex and said goodbye. Like Dean. She must be important to Casey for him to come back to her, so she did not complain, not once. She told herself she was happy to have him returned to her in good spirits after so long. To be better. In truth she hadn't expected to ever see him again. But he had arrived on her doorstep surprising her, and had swooped her up to her room, taking off her clothes and telling her what he wanted. He never said anything about how she looked, he didn't flatter her. But he said all the right things about missing her, needing her, wanting her, and loving her.

She didn't want him to feel she was ungrateful either. She certainly didn't want to feel the betrayal of him leaving her without explanation once again. He was of course her high school friend, or crush, and she felt he protected her when she was younger and intended to protect her now. And as a bonus, her Ma had stopped harassing her about being single which somehow equated to not being happy.

She had to be happy, she would force herself to be happy.

So now, this morning, she wants him to know how happy she is for him, for them, for a possible future together. How happy she is that he is back. She wants to thank him for being so good to her in the past, for coming back to her. And she wants him to have a good reason to stick around this time.

He smiles up at Jane above him, her loose hair gently falling around her face and her dimples puckered as she grins at him and bites her lip. Casey pulls her into a soft kiss. He rolls her over on her back and pins her to the bed. He takes her hair and roughly pushes it off her face and kisses her hard and heavy. She tries to keep up with him but his actions are more eager and no longer gentle. She tries to ask him to slow down but he pushes his tongue in her mouth and now she can't get any air. She can't breathe. Her eyes are open and her nose flaring desperately. She wants to push him away but can't get her arms between their bodies. She groans but he doesn't stop. She isn't enjoy any part of this.

After a few moments he pulls back and she instantly gasps for air taking in a few raged breaths her chest rising and falling rapidly. Casey watches her with interest.

"I...I...too much." She chokes out.

Casey doesn't shift off her keeping her pinned beneath him and he smiles slightly, "I thought you missed me Jane."

Jane coughs and is finally able to get her breathing under control.

"I...I did miss you." She again feels manipulated into allowing him to have his way, "I just...I couldn't breathe. Can you give me some room?"

Casey doesn't move away.

"Please." She asks gently.

Casey reaches a hand to her cheek and slowly brushes against her flushed cheek with his knuckles, it is the gentlest he has been, "I never stopped thinking about you Jane. About being able to be here with you like this. To make love again."

Only it doesn't feel like love to Jane, not like it used to.

"I..." Jane would like to enjoy this moment where Casey is being unusually sensitive but despite believing he would never hurt her intentionally, she worries he could hurt her accidentally, she can't think of how to acknowledge his words while asking him to let her up, "I know Casey, I need to get up for a minute."

Casey slides his hand towards her temple and runs his fingers through her hair, "I never thought I would get you back. I thought I lost you."

"Casey," She pleads softly, "Can you please get off me."

His smile drops and his eyes lose their warmth.

"Jane, is something wrong?"

Jane pulls her arm until she manages to get it free from underneath him, "I just need to breathe."

She pushes gently against his chest with her palm clearly indicating he back off. Casey takes her wrist and pins it down on the mattress above her head while leaning down to kiss her once again. Jane turns her head to the side, "No, Casey." She growls, her strong detective side trying to shine through.

"I wouldn't hurt you Jane." Casey says to the side of her face his breath tickling her ear, "I thought you..wanted this. I thought you wanted me just like I want you."

Jane swallows, he almost sounds wounded, like a forlorn child, and she fights with herself internally.

Casey leans down and nibbles her earlobe but pulls back getting no response from Jane.

"Do you need to be in control Jane?" He asks after a moment, his tone less hurt and slightly mocking, "Or do you secretly like it when I am in full control?"

He doesn't let her answer. He leans down and kissing her forcibly and harshly nipping her sensitive lip causing her to yelp slightly. Blood rushes to the wound causing it to throb and a few drops of blood to seep out and dribble onto her chin.

"Look what you made me do Jane." His tone is annoyed, and no matter how much she loves his brit accent, right now his words burn her.

With his tongue he licks the blood trail and across her lip leaving only the slightest red smear before pulling back to look at her. Jane still has her head to the side but glares at him out of the corner of her eye angrily, her jaw clenched.

"Get off." She growls again, heavier, huskier, deeper than she has ever spoken before.

Suddenly he pulls back letting her wrist go, "I'm sorry Jane. I thought you liked that. I thought you liked it last night."

Jane can finally get her other arm out and rubs her wrist that Casey let go of. It stings but won't bruise. She shakes her head No and pulls herself up against the end of the bed pulling her knees up in front of her defensively, distancing herself. She won't look at him, she can't. She doesn't know what to make of this. How different he is since the injury. Not so much physically as psychologically. She knows when they first got together that she had made it very clear that nothing should be forced sexually and everything must be equal and loving. Had he forgotten. Had she allowed him too much freedom with her and he had lost sight of their mutual agreements of what was not allowed in the bedroom. Was this her fault for jumping too quickly into bed with him again. Of not establishing boundaries.

Casey sits back on the bed giving her all the space he can, "I love you Jane. I'm so sorry I...did I scare you?" He doesn't sound sorry or sincere.

Jane closes her eyes and takes a deep breath followed by a slow exhale. She can't answer because she isn't sure. Was she afraid. Fear implies a lack of trust. Does she still trust him. Did she still trust him.

"I love you." He says again in a way that has expectation of a reply.

"I know." She whispers back without looking up. If she looks up and sees torment or hurt in his face she will feel even more guilty. She should never have let it go that far. If she looks up and see's he is pretending to be sorry, she will be heartbroken.

Just then the doorbell buzzer rings.

Jane looks up quickly, surprised.

Casey stands up, partially startled, and looks in the direction of the sound "Are you expecting someone?" He demands coldly.

Jane looks at the clock on the side-table. 9:26am.

"Maura and I made plans for a Saturday morning run." Jane says putting her feet over the side of the bed and looking down at her them. He doesn't reply.

She looks up at him finally and see's the distrust in his glinting eyes.

"I forgot to cancel. You sort of surprised me last night."

The buzzer rings again.

"I will see you when you get back." He says as he heads to the bathroom.

Maura looks slightly bemused when Jane opens the door. Her face is flushed and hair more untamed than usual sticking out in more directions than she has ever seen it and her lip is slightly swollen.

"I guess his equipment still works well after all." Maura says with a chuckle knowing what would likely happen when she left Jane and Casey last night. The chuckle dies quickly when she looks into Jane's distant worried expression.

"What's wrong Jane?" She asks softly with a frown of her own.

Jane stares past her almost in a trance, her eyes dark and troubled.

Maura hates it when Jane is like this. She checks behind Jane through the open door but there is no-one there, no Casey wandering around in boxers as she expected. She reaches out and touches her friends forearm and watches with sadness as Jane flinches and snaps out of far-away place she has just been residing. Maura resists the urge to envelop her friend in a hug and instead waits patiently for a response.

"I...um...let's go." Her voice is raspy and hoarse and emotionless.

Maura's frown deepens, "Are you sure? You aren't dressed appropriately for a run, Jane. What's wrong?"

Jane makes eye contact with Maura, and in doing so her face immediately softens and her shoulders relax and she breathes as if it is less painful. "I just need some air. Could we...would it be ok if we just walk instead?"

"Of course Jane." Maura says softly with a smile, "Whatever you need. Ok?"

Jane studies her for a moment but doesn't return the smile, then she turns back into her apartment to grab a jacket and slip on some old trainers. She stares into the dark empty space. The drapes still drawn closed from last night. The lights are off. It could be empty except she knows it isn't. If she was arriving here she would be suspicious of a danger lurking somewhere in the eerie darkness, or maybe she is being silly, being emotional.

She scolds herself internally, 'It isn't danger, it is Casey, and he loves me. Stop being ridiculous Jane.'

She walks out and shuts the door with a sigh.

"Casey" Jane answers her phone now sitting on the bottom step of the stairs between the first and second floors of her apartment building. She looks around for a camera but there is none. How did he know.

"You don't sound like you are on a train, Jane."

His voice is somewhere between excited and hard, maybe both.

Jane subconsciously glances above her at the next floor, roughly where she suspects Casey to be standing, "You're right." Her voice is calmer than she feels.

"You should have been."

"Why is that Casey? Did you have something for me?" She asks as she fumbles in her pocket for the microphone earpiece she stole out of Korsaks car.

"You are ruining my fun Jane."

"Because I didn't waste my time with an exchange that would never have happened?"

Casey chuckles, "I thought you loved her. I thought you would do anything for her."

Jane growls under her breath.

"Was it mean of me to send you on a wild goose chase?" He asks amused and not expecting a reply, "Do you know where I am now Jane?"

"Yes. I do. Let me speak to Maura."

There is a long pause making Jane want to quickly run upstairs and see what is happening, but then Casey answers, "I'm afraid that isn't possible right now. There was an incident."

There is no joy in his voice and Jane feels her heart sink like a stone.

"Damnit Casey. If you have hurt her..."

"Yes Jane? What if she is hurt? What will you do to me?" He asks gleefully.

She can't bluff her way out of this, truthfully she isn't sure if she would take it out on him or on herself. Her gun suddenly feels small and useless. She can only hold back a sob that threatens to escape.

"Where are you Jane?"

Jane rocks slightly, her fight or flight response hurling chemicals around her body in an attempt to resolve the conflict, "I need to talk to her." It's barely a whisper but he hears it anyway.

"Come alone Jane. I am expecting you."

"I'm not coming if she isn't there." Jane yells down the phone angrily her face flushing. She wishes she could control the feelings and outbursts but she can't. Maybe Korsak was right, maybe she should have let TRT handle it.

"Oh...but she is here, Jane." His voice is controlled and sickly playful, much like Hoyts had been.

"Then let me talk to her."

She hears Casey sigh on the other end, like her request is bothersome. But if he want's her to come he has to provide incentive. She won't play to his whims if Maura is dead.

"If you want be to come you will do this."

"Fine."

There is rustling on the phone and Jane uses the few moments she has to switch on the earpiece and put it in her ear making sure the microphone is near to her mouth. She hopes someone is listening. She hopes they haven't packed up and gone home at Korsaks request. She hopes she isn't completely alone in her spontaneous decision to do this on her own.

"Hello?" Maura's voice is weak and pained and she sounds slightly breathless as she positions herself to hold the headset between her cheek and her shoulder without dropping it.

Jane closes her eyes, relief covering her like a warm salve, healing her from the inside out.

"You're alive." She feels a wet tear slide down her cheek and hides her face even though no one is around.

"Jane. Oh Jane. It's Casey." Maura almost screams it afraid to miss the opportunity again.

"I know Maur. I know. Are you ok?"

"I...yes. I'm fine. He..he want's you to hurt Jane. The way he thinks you hurt him."

"Just relax Maura, I'm on my way. I'm coming to you."

"NO." Maura cries out, "Don't come. God. Please don't come."

Jane clutches her top near her chest squeezing as close to her heart as she can trying to relieve the waves of pain and relief that roll over her.

"It's going to be ok Maura. Do you trust me?"

There is a pause before Maura replies with confusion, "Sometimes."

"Only sometimes. I am truly offended." Jane manages to joke.

"Jane. I am safer if you stay away. And so are you."

Jane hears Casey chuckle nearby.

"Do you truly believe that Maura?" Jane's voice breaks a little and she fidgets with the hem of her top.

Maura can't answer because it would be a lie if she said yes, she doesn't really know.

"He has a gun. He...I..." Maura pauses, "Jane?"

"Yes Maur?"

"Jane please don't come. I would do anything to keep you safe."

Jane swallows. She knows Maura wants to protect her and she can't quite describe how that knowledge makes her feel, but she knows she want's to keep Maura safe despite herself as well, "I feel exactly the same way Maura."

"He really want's to hurt you." Maura whispers

"I know. And it doesn't matter."

"Don't come. Please don't come, Jane." Maura wants to add that Casey is crazy but doesn't want Casey to take the phone off her. She doesn't know if she will hear Jane's voice again and she doesn't want to miss a minute of it, she doesn't ever want this conversation to end.

"You know I can't do that sweetie. I am on my way."

"You are giving him exactly what he wants."

"I know." Jane whispers, she should be on her way up those stairs, but she doesn't want to hang up, stalling keeps them both alive.

"Jane?"

"Yeah sweetie."

"I'm so sorry."

"Maura, this is not your fault. It could never be your fault. I'm...I am sorry I didn't protect you. This is..." She takes a breath and holds it, she hates herself for still struggling to say it out loud, "Maura, this is my fault."

"No Jane," Maura whispers it her voice raw and croaky with emotion, "It isn't your fault...and it wasn't last time either."

Jane smiles, she knows Maura means it. She knows she shouldn't blame herself. But hearing Maura say it feels like it just might be true.

"Maur, I am going to stop talking, but I'm not going to hang up. I'm still here. And i'll see you soon. Ok?"

"Ok."

She doesn't say goodbye. She stands carefully and checks around again before climbing the steps two at a time.

...to be continued...