Longer chapter...so so close now. Hope you enjoy it :)

Chapter 2w3nty

Two people, two sets of eyes watch Jane, her face taunt and eyes firm and squinting, her mouth is a thin line, she grinds her teeth forcing the masseter muscle to flex and shift almost in sync with the brachii muscles that dance in time to the clenching and relaxing of her fists. She glares at her ex-boyfriend waiting for his next move. She ignores the gun in his hand.

Two sets of eyes see completely different things. One see's a friend that will fiercely protect her to the death from the animal she is facing, someone that won't take anyone's crap. It doesn't matter that he has a loaded gun pointed at her and she is unarmed, it doesn't matter that he intends for her to suffer. She is the enigma of love. She will lay her life down for a friend. Her name should be in the dictionary beside the word sacrifice. Maura can see that Jane is ready to face her enemy. She is like a wild animal about to turn on her hunter and end this one way or the other.

The other set of eyes sees his mouse finally near the middle of the maze, inside the trap, a hunted animal facing it's final impossible challenge, a fight to survive. She seems determined and feisty. This is Jane at her finest, this is Jane ready to fight, to kill, and he smiles at the thought that she will lose. She looks tough on the outside, but the outside he doesn't care about, that slight flicker of fear in her eye, that pause when her fist is clenched, the way her chest holds that breath longer than necessary.
A weak pathetic Jane would be no fun, there would be no victory in an easy defeat. He is pleased he had not broken her completely. He was sickly joyous he could hurt her at least one more time. Watch her feel her heart breaking pain one more time, accentuated by defeat. He see's a path of revenge at a crossroads.

"Casey." Jane growls, any softness from only a moment ago gone, replaced by disgust and anger.

Casey grins at her, he likes this reaction, "So you love her?" Casey says with a grin. He knows that is why she is here, why she didn't send in the SWAT team first. Love is the reason for his suffering and will be the reason for hers.

Jane glances over her shoulder at Maura's profile. At blonde matted curls falling over strong shoulders, shoulders that comforted her many times in the past, at the fearful look in usually gentle green eyes, eyes that had silently promised her everything would be ok. Love isn't something that happens by looks, it was never based on the physical. When Maura said 'you aren't my type', Jane had still felt Maura could have been her type. When Maura had said 'you're gorgeous my friend', Jane had hidden the blush.

But dimples and cute innocent looks, plus killer outfits and low cut tops, they were not love, what they had came by trust. Small trusts in small ways grew into a friendship of big trusts in bigger ways. Trusting Maura with a small secret then a big one, then sharing hidden feelings, and in the middle of sleepless nights her biggest fears.

And every response from Maura had been honest and sincere and caring. Loving. No judgement, therefore no shame. Her secrets had been kept, her fears had not been mocked, her feelings regardless of size or logic had been validated. She could open her heart and not have it crushed by a big uncaring boot. She could be herself and know she was safe. Was that love? It was the beginning of something she had not had with anyone else. Was it the type of love Casey was questioning? Losing Maura for so long and thinking she would never see her again had caused her to uncover some of her deeper thoughts and feelings she had managed to keep hidden from herself. She had been forced to imagine her life without Maura in it and had concluded she would hate it, completely, endlessly. If Maura died she would move on, she would have too...but if she had the choice she would fight to keep Maura as close as possible...forever. She wasn't 'Just a friend', it wasn't a platonic love, it wasn't a 'life long best friend forever' joke anymore.

If she answers Casey she could dangerously implicate Maura in his game if that isn't already the case, if she doesn't...he could decide to test their 'love'.

"Let her go." It's a demand that causes Casey's nasty grin to fall slightly, this is his game...not hers. He calls the shots. He planned this, not her.

"I don't think so." he growls back, his eyes dark and menacing yet his voice loosing some of it's control. He raises the gun higher and aims it in Maura's direction off to the side of Jane, he does it without looking at Maura.

Jane takes a step closer, "You don't need her anymore...you have me...you have what you want. Don't you have what you want Casey?"

She watches as Casey's eyes glimmer slightly, pleasure showing only there and nowhere else as he manages to hide any other feelings.

"It's just you and me Casey." It comes out softer than Jane would have liked it to but she doesn't correct it.

Jane moves closer and towards the right, Casey keeps his body facing Jane so his gun is forced off target. Jane keeps moving subtly around Casey causing him to turn.

She can't look over at Maura, she can't indicate that now is the time for her to get out, she give her plan away. She can only hope Maura understands and leaves.

Maura see's how Jane pulls Caseys focus and body away from her, she uses the hand Jane freed to free her other wrist. She slips off the chair onto her hands and knees. She can make it to the door, quietly over the glass, through the gap, and down the stairs. She can flee and leave Jane. Her heart contorts at the thought. Leave Jane at the mercy of a madman who dedicated hours to planning out horrendous ways to harm Jane and then capture her.

Jane takes another step forward and Casey, "You can do whatever you want to 'me', Casey." She says it low and tries desperately not to sound either seductive nor murderous...to keep away thoughts of just ripping his heart out.

When Maura hears Jane offer herself up like a trophy to him, she feels worse. She knows she can't leave Jane like this, not for her own sake, no matter Jane's intentions. It's not a matter of trusting Jane, at this point it might be a matter of protecting Jane from herself, from the decisions she thinks is best. Besides, it is Maura's life too, not just Jane's.

Jane takes another step forward and holds her hands together behind her back and lowers her head to one side, a move that makes her look particularly submissive and vulnerable.

"What do you really want Casey? What do you want to do to me?"

Maura looks at the chair she just abandoned, any minute Casey will realize Maura is gone, he will be angry. She has to act soon.

Maura carefully fishes the butterknife out of her pants, clutching it tightly. Wondering how she can attack him without Jane getting hurt.

She won't leave Jane. Never ever. Jane would never leave her when she was in danger.

"What do you want Casey?" her voice crackles in emotion. Maybe a hint of fear.

Casey watches Jane, "I want you to hurt like you hurt me Jane."

His voice is cold and reminds her of those times they had fought.

She frowns just a little, "I didn't know I hurt you. I didn't mean too."

Casey stands stiffly unmoving, the gun held loosely in his hand.

"How can I fix this?" She asks softly.

When she stops in front of him, Jane reaches out her hands to him, palms open and at the last minute pauses and pulls back ever so slightly.

She wonders if she is stronger than him. She wonders if she is doing the right thing.

Casey watches her the malice slowly leaving his face as she stands so close to him. Jane's eyebrows raise slightly as she watches him, it's like there are two people, the one she knew and loved long ago, and the angry one she saw a few times.

She extends her left hand and grazes his cheek gently, "Casey, I'm so so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

He relaxes at her touch then stiffens again. His eyes dart across her face searching for any sign of a lie.

"This is all my fault." She breathes as her fingers slip across his jawline and down his neck. It's not a lie, Maura in danger was her fault.

She is sincere, her eyes tell him that. If she lied to him her eyebrow would move up ever so slightly and she would have to break eye contact for just a moment. She doesn't.

Her voice is weak and tearful and comes out broken, "Forgive me Casey?"

Casey reaches his hand up to his neck and takes her hand. He holds it strangely like he is deciding how to use it. Jane uses all her will-power not to move, not to flinch. She will decide how to take him down based on his reaction. She hopes she gets the chance. She can only hope she hasn't bitten off more than she can chew this time.

She reaches out her fingers and pauses before making contact with soft skin, skin between a nose an and ear. An inch separates touch. Maura sighs in her sleep and Jane holds her breath.

She want's to thank Maura for being here, being there, today and last week. She didn't get the chance to thank her earlier, or she was afraid too, she can't remember which now. A touch on her cheek would not be a sufficient thanks, it wouldn't mean anything really, it might even wake Maura and she might not be happy, or worse, it might be taken wrongly, like it meant something more than it did. She isn't sure what the touch she wants to give means, but it would be easier than words. It would say remember that time you saw me hurting, and you touched my face, my red cheek, and didn't say a word about how stupid I was. When you were there for me even if I didn't realize I needed you to be. When you didn't even realize how safe I felt. When you didn't mean to help but you were just being you...It meant everything to me and so I wanted to touch you back to...to thank you...to...what?

Was it too soon, to close to the tail-end of a breakup, too raw.

Was she still too exposed.

Jane chickens out and tightens her hand into a ball instead, content to just stare at Maura. She thought about what happened last week, on this couch.

Last week had been like so many other times they spent together. So many times when Casey wasn't around, was in anther country or doing his own thing. So many times when Jane and Maura were again forced to be together for emotion reasons because there was no-one else.

They had sat on Jane's couch together, the turmoil of the day being dulled by alcohol. Grief clouded celebration so they weren't at the Dirty Robber at the end of this particular case. Child deaths were always difficult to deal with and so they talked it through, together. Their perspectives, emotions, thoughts and fears. About injustice, corruption, and a world lacking a much needed balance. They talked until the pain was lessened somewhat. Until maybe there was nothing left to say. Until the four year old boy was no longer plaguing their every thought.

And then after that, they had talked about life in general. Friends, mothers, guest-houses. The latest cop movie and how unrealistic it was and how Maura really, really had to see it. And then Maura bored Jane talking about the cutest pair of shoes on Amazon. Jane decided a movie would be a good distraction from shoes.

Thelma and Louise.

They fought over the genre. They laughed about being badass. Maura had pretended to hold a gun and Jane had tackled it off her. They had giggled like schoolgirls. They had thrown popcorn at the screen when the guys in the movies were jerks.

They quickly ran out of popcorn.

And just past halfway through, Maura fell asleep, mostly on Jane. Ten minutes later Jane followed, mainly because staying so still made her sleepy too.

It was maybe an hour later, maybe more, she had been woken by Casey yanking her to her feet in the near dark lounge. She cried out. She had struggled to stand. She was disorientated, clumsy and surprised. She hadn't known it was Casey until after she swung her free arm defensively into the darkness hoping to stop the intruder. She caught only air and she might have thought it was all a horrible nightmare if it wasn't for the persistent grip on her arm keeping her somewhat upright.

"What are you doing?" Casey's angry voice came from beside her causing one rational fear to subside and be replaced by another slightly less rational fear.

The whites of his eyes had glinted and she wanted to run away. Maura had woken because of the sudden disappearance of her comfortable pillow and the noises around her, and she called out panicked out into the darkness something Jane couldn't remember. Casey had held Jane tighter instead of letting go.

"Casey stop." Jane had cried out again this time in pain trying to use her free hand to loosen his grip.

"This is what you choose?" He yelled back, "I find you like this? Defying me intentionally...cuddling...with her."

Maura made her way to the light-switch and flicked it on. A cry left her lips when she saw Jane held roughly, possessively, in place by Casey. Jane's eyes found Maura's and the fear was replaced by shame. Maura's instinct combined with the buildup of anger, of all the ways she suspected he had hurt Jane over the past months, had her picking up her phone and giving Casey an ultimatum. "Let her go. Now. Or I call the police."

He spun to face Maura his eyes steely and she stood her ground. phone held up and ready. He dropped Jane's arm and she fell to her knees burying her face in her hands.

"Is this your choice Jane. Do you choose Maura over me?" He growled at her over his shoulder.

There was a small pause while no one moved. Maura and Casey in a brutal stare-down and Jane still sitting awkwardly between the coffee table and the couch.

"No." Was the muffled reply that came out in a gravelly voice from behind shaking hands.

Then Jane looked up, her first glance at Maura whose face was flushed with something like anger. Then she looked at Casey who looked like a fighter about to attack in freeze-framed action movie. She pulled herself to her feet. She won't be under him anymore, lower than him, less or controlled or afraid of him. She will face him at his level. She knows now that it isn't love anymore; because otherwise she would feel safe, cared for and free.

She stood to her full height, her shoulder straight and her hands balled into fists.

"But..." She growled loudly, her eyes trained on Casey, "I do not choose you."

He turned to her in shock, his mouth agape and eyes wide.

"You should leave." She added, her old confidence beginning to mount.

He had looked at her, then looked at Maura. He looked like he might refuse. He evaluated his options. And then he had left.

And she had felt safe again, staring at the closed door Maura locked behind him.

She knew Maura was staring at her, she knew she should give an explanation, she wished she could disappear through the floorboards. She didn't want to look at Maura, she was mostly afraid of what Maura thought of her right now. Would think when she learned more details. She had been able to hide it, keep it to herself. She couldn't hide it from Maura anymore.

"How did this happen?"

She had been thinking it herself for sure, and often, she just didn't know Maura was thinking it too.

She had whispered a thank you but Maura was still too wide-eyed and anxious to hear her.

She had sat down on her couch and watched Maura frowning, putting the pieces of the puzzle together. She leaned back and closed her eyes.

"Are you ok?" Maura asks gently sitting beside her and suddenly her eyelids can't keep the tears at bay.

Tonight was different, better, safer. Her deadbolts were changed, they were relaxed. Maura no longer asked for details she knew Jane wanted to hide. A week had passed but it felt like longer. Together again as if it was almost meant to be just the two of them. She was back to being sarcastic most of the time, she didn't want to be serious...except to really say thank you. Thank you for not judging me, for being here, for being safe. A brush to a cheek would never be enough, but one day she would repay Maura. One day she would do something to really say, without words, 'Thank you for saving my life'.

Casey stumbles forward against Jane with a groan almost knocking her over with him.

Jane manages to hold him up even in her surprise. She looks for a snipper through the window, a reason for him to be partially immobile, she wonders if Maura made it outside already and Korsak already made his move.

But instead she see's Maura, baseball bat raised above her head already on her second backswing. Maura and her crazy baseball stance for optimum results. Jane barely has time to step back slightly so she is completely clear of the bat as it makes contact with Caseys skull again only centimeters from the first impact point. His gun drops out of his hand as he topples forward knocking Jane off her feet. He falls to the ground unable to get his arms under him to stop or slow his fall. His head bounces like a melon before coming to rest by Jane's foot.

Maura throws the bat off to her side with one hand and swoops down to pick up Casey's gun. She has a crazed look in her eyes as she points the barrel towards the back of Casey's head. She doesn't speak. She doesn't move.

Jane is quickly back on her feet assessing the situation. It happened so fast, yet Casey is out cold and her and Maura are alive. It's over...it should be over...but it's not.

Maura isn't herself, she is possibly in shock. It's like she wants him to move, want's an excuse to shoot him. Jane can almost see her brain working, she see's the twitch of her eye as she fights to hold concentration against the exhaustion of her captivity.

"Maura put the gun down" Jane begs softly

Maura shakes her head

"Maura, don't do this. Please."

Maura holds the gun the way Jane had showed her once. Push Pull. Relax. She didn't feel badass right now though. Now she understood why Jane never felt badass when she held a gun despite how she looked. It wasn't fun. It wasn't a game. It was serious. One squeeze of the trigger and a man would lose his life. He would be like all the people that ended up on her autopsy tables.

"Put the gun down Maura."

Maura grips tighter and shifts her feet to better balance. She can hear Jane moving towards her position on her right.

"Stop. Jane. Stop."

Jane freezes and holds her hands up to surrender, to promise safety.

"You don't want to do this Maura."

Maura looks down at the unconscious man at her feet. She did want to do this. Could she share that sort of thing with Jane. Would she lose all her respect because she really did want him dead.

"Aren't you angry at him Jane. Don't you want this?"

Jane shifts from one foot to the other. This might not be the best time for honesty and a calmer setting might have been ideal for what she wants to say. But she won't lie to Maura, not at a time like this.

"No Maur. I'm just so happy you are ok." Jane's voice is soft and honest

Maura grimaces, "He 'hurt' you."

"It doesn't matter. Only you matter."

Maura wants to believe it. But she can't let go. She needs to hurt him for what he did to them both. To her.

"Maura?"

"He should pay." Her voice is edgy and cold and for a moment she realizes she sounds like Casey did. Casey wanted Jane to pay. Revenge. But he had no right to think he was owed that. Jane never did anything to him. He had hurt Jane more times than she cared to count before he was out of her life only to come back into it and hurt her again. And this time Maura as well. For no good reason except inside his twisted mind. He should pay.

"I know he should. And he will Maur."

Does she want to be like Casey...seen like him, thought of like him, become like him. Someone simply deciding what they are owed and taking it without regard to anyone else, "He hurt me, Jane."

"I know he did, and I am...so, so sorry."

Her brain runs through it all. Everything he did, how much of it she can forgive and how much of it she will have to work at to let go. "And he ruined my sweater."

Jane bites her lip, bites back a smile. That sounded more like her Maura, the sweet one that wouldn't hurt anyone ever including her own murderous biological father.

"He deserves this." The voice has grown darker and deeper again as an internal battle rages inside.

"Maur..."

"He is a pathological narcissist. He has no true feelings for others, no guilt, no remorse. He does not have a conscience because he does not hold himself responsible for the consequences of his actions. He thinks it is our fault for what he has done to us...that we deserved it...and more..."

"I will personally make sure he is never able to hurt anyone ever again." Jane interrupts gently.

"Jane," Maura sniffs and refocuses, "You know what the system is like. You can't guarantee 'that' while he is still alive."

Jane knows this. A 20 year old war veteran is going to be looked on with sympathy by a jury. A perfect record, no complaints against him, no reports of abuse. And especially a war veteran with a history of PTSD who's unborn baby was killed while he was in Afghanistan. And even if he goes to prison for kidnapping and attempted murder, good behavior would get him out early. If he pleads insanity, which any decent lawyer would instruct him, a mental hospital could even allow him freedoms he doesn't deserve.

Jane gulps. Maura is right, she doesn't know. But she does know what killing feels like.

She has however never taken a life if she didn't absolutely have too. Right or wrong its the only reason she knows she can sleep at night.

Right or wrong it is her job, it is not personal.

It was never revenge.

Right or wrong, Casey is still human. Not a good one perhaps, like a lot of them out there.

But right or wrong Jane never played judge, jury or executioner because she knew the consequences mentally and emotionally.

But even killing someone when you had too wasn't easy. To see them breath in one second and not the next and to know you are responsible was internally painful.

Destructive.

Many cops had quit or gone off the rails even when they did their job by the book.

Taking a life changes you.

Jane's first on the job shooting, she had almost lost herself. She had almost quit. She had taken the week off and she had gone to BPD counseling as the mandatory part of the job when you shot someone. She would have gone even if it wasn't mandatory. But it didn't help her. Nothing helped, nothing made it easier, nothing blocked out the memories every time you closed your eyes.

Nothing except time helped.

Sure she had gone back to work, shot other perps, moved on. Sure it got easier.

But she still remembered them. Knew she had altered many lives. Knew things weren't the same after.

She also knows there are other ways, people that owe her favors. She can keep him locked up for a very long time. That his death could be on her not Maura. She could handle it, add it to the already too long list.

Casey stirs slightly but doesn't gain full consciousness.

"Maura. You can't come back from this. It changes you. It changed me."

Maura adjusts her hands. They are a little sweaty and she doesn't want to lose her grip.

"You don't seem any different. You seem perfectly fine Jane."

"You didn't know me before. You don't have a reference for how much I changed."

Maura knows Jane is right. And Jane knows Maura can still be reached on a cognitive level.

But if you asked anyone what Jane was like before it happened, before her fourth month on the job, they would tell you that Jane was more open and more sensitive than now. That she once openly shared her feelings with those she trusted.

She had always joked and been a little sarcastic, and she really never liked hugs...but she was not introverted like she became. Sarcasm was never a protection.

Jane wouldn't take any of it back because she loved her job, she loved saving people, helping people, stopping the bad guys from hurting more people, she liked justice...and that part was just one of the worst parts of it all, a necessary evil, but she didn't want Maura to go through it. She wasn't sure Maura could come back from it.

Maura was so sensitive, and honest, and sweet. So caring despite her calm and professional covering.

Heck...Maura had cried when Jane didn't want to run in the same outfit as her.

And here was the most wonderful loving kind person in the world...holding a gun and threatening to kill her captor.

"It doesn't matter Jane."

Jane takes a careful step closer her hands still raised her palms facing Maura.

"It does matter sweetheart."

Maura shakes her head like she has to shake off Jane's gentleness.

"I don't want to regret not killing him like you regretted not killing Hoyt."

Jane inches a little closer, "I promise you that you won't. He will never hurt you again Maura. Never."

Maura feels a tear trickle down her cheek.

"I almost lost you once Maura. I can't lose you this way Maura. Not when I just got you back. Please. For me. Please don't do this."

Jane moves her foot to take another step.

"Stop Jane. Stop moving. I can't think."

Jane jumps at the tone and stays still. She would like to say that lack of nutrition and sunlight are probably contributing to her problem solving skills and she shouldn't make decisions on an empty stomach, however it could be seen as a joke or equally likely it could be added to the many reasons Casey deserves to be punished.

Jane's eyes flick between Maura's trigger finger and Casey's still body. She isn't sure what to do. Try and get the gun off Maura and risk it going off but maybe being able to take the blame of Casey's death on herself, or try to talk her down.

Casey groans and moves his hand to his head and presses near the contusion and then stops moving again.

Maura tenses which pulls the trigger finger slightly tighter and squints her eyes in concentration.

Jane holds her breath. Her beautiful best friend is about to shoot her asshole ex-boyfriend with his own gun.

Once it had been her that shot her best friends biological father.

What could possibly go wrong? This. This she had not expected.

"Maura...you know this is my fault. You would have to find a way to live with killing him. But Maura..."

"What?" Maura snaps becoming impatient to get this over with one way or another.

"I will have to live with the guilt of you being hurt and you having to live with it. Knowing all of this is my fault."

"It isn't you fault Jane. HE did this."

"Because of me." Jane's voice comes out almost disjointed. And Maura is forced to think back to the conversation Jane had with Frankie in the park.

"Frankie don't. Please don't say that. I can't...I couldn't...I -I wouldn't... if...if Maura was h-hurt because of...because of me."

Jane takes a small step closer, her arm outstretched, she can't believe how much she is shaking. She never shakes.

"Maura...please...don't...I...I love you, so so much... and...shit...I really need you to not do this." Jane's voice breaks at the end and she feels tears sting her own eyes.

Maura bites her lip and furrows her brows without taking her eyes off Casey.

Jane moves cautiously a little bit closer.

"Maura..."

...to be continued...

Should Maura kill Casey?