Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Lunch, or more often dinner, had become a common affair for them.
Neji was always busy during the lighter hours of the day. Either training with his team or trying to avoid the dirty looks his clansmen threw him in the mornings when Hiashi-sama would request his presence in the dojo. Besides that, Neji didn't want to run into any of her teammates again. He knew a fight was just waiting to break out there, and when it eventually did, it would reach Hinata's ears. She'd look at him with those sad eyes, while he pulled what he hoped was a remorseful expression. It would be a mess. So, he chose to avoid it for as long as possible—and that meant coming to her at night when visiting hours were closed to everyone that wasn't family.
She'd been moved to the general ward some time ago, though it would be another four days before she was released. Truthfully, he dreaded the thought of her coming out of the hospital just as much as he dreaded her staying in. What would happen to these meals of theirs? As a member of the Branch House, he couldn't just sit down and eat with her in her room like he did here. What would become of their relationship now that they didn't have this designated time to come together? Would it crumble? Would she return to skirting around him whenever he passed her in the halls of the Hyuga household?
That's up to me, Neji tried to reassure himself. It depends on how I treat her.
But he still couldn't kill the doubt.
You tried to kill her, his mind whispered. Black poison that made his chest swell with guilt. Glared with hate and spoke ill to her face for years. Why would she continue to hang around you if she could avoid it?
Neji clenched the cloth filled with lunchboxes in his hand, courtesy of the Hyuga chefs that had almost blown a gasket at the thought of Hinata eating hospital food. There was a cinnamon bun wrapped neatly on top, which the head chef had sneakily added while Hiashi-sama had his back turned.
Why would she? he questioned, then shook his head. No. He couldn't allow his thoughts to get the better of him like this. But it was hard not to. His memories of Hinata had paled like paint left too long in the sun. He still hadn't accumulated enough new ones to get ahold of all of the different facets of her personality. Neji hoped that he could soon though. It was a stretch, but perhaps she really would be naturally kind enough that he'd be able to banish his doubts about his place beside her completely.
Wouldn't that be a blessing? Those toxic thoughts whispered again. You'd be able to get off scot-free. You wouldn't even need to make it up to her. Just show that you regret it a little, and she'll be happy.
"I will live the rest of my life with this burden," he said aloud. A declaration as much as it was a confession. More than a few passersby looked at him like he was insane, but he ignored them. "It isn't one that can so easily be removed. More so if she deigns to show even an ounce of kindness to me after all of this. If she still chooses me to be her guardian, my years of servitude will never be able to make up for this disgrace."
You are a fool for putting yourself in such an uncompromising position.
Neji knew that.
Because even though he was loathed to admit it, the heat that welled in his chest whenever he saw Hinata now wasn't purely out of duty. The dark shroud of hatred had dimmed, and although it wasn't gone completely, with each day that passed, it lifted higher and higher, revealing an ancient affection in his bruised heart that had only become rawer as the years pressed on. It ached to even think about. This soft, unbearable tenderness choked him. It made him feel unworthy in ways he'd never once felt as a fated member of the Branch House.
Neji breathed to steady himself.
He looked up just in time to see Naruto at the end of the road. Their eyes met. The blond raised his hand to call out to him, but Neji made a sharp turn before his name could even leave his lips. He was grateful to Naruto—would always be. But not enough to suffer in his presence while his own heart ached with the thought of the one woman that he knew for a fact loved the blond and not him... the same one that Naruto glossed over like a tepid breeze in favor of more colorful pursuits. Neji wasn't looking for more reasons to tear himself in two. Not now. That Naruto didn't even realize that Hinata adored him made it worse somehow. Neji wasn't so presumptuous as to believe that he deserved her attention any more than that blond, but he did think that he'd at least cherish it more, considering all that had happened between them.
Neji squinted once he finally entered the hospital. After walking so long under the cover of night, the light seemed to fall like hammers here. Gripping the cloth in his hands tighter, Neji made his way to her room. A flash of his Byakugan revealed that she was alone and that none of her teammates or friends were in the vicinity.
He got there easily enough, though he paused at the door before entering. Neji popped his neck, stretching it this way and that, as if preparing for an especially arduous task. He always did this before coming in. It was the only way he could bolster his spirit enough to face her.
There was a sound, and Neji looked down at his hands to find them trembling. They shook the food so badly that he hoped they didn't get ruined in their containers. He knew she wouldn't complain, but he would be bothered. Tremors, as frightening as they were, cradled the preciousness of moments. Ensured that he was treasuring them properly. From now on, he decided that if he didn't have them, then something was very wrong. Because the way he saw it, the only way to properly care for someone was to realize that someday they might be gone from him.
And if nothing else, he knew for a fact that he cared for her.
Faint, but there—and growing stronger by the hour.
He knocked twice. There was a pause, before she responded. Neji knew that she must've been readying herself, too. He wasn't the only one that needed to muster up as much confidence as possible. That made him feel both better and worse about the situation.
Neji smiled ruefully. He made a silent vow to himself that he would try his hardest to ensure that she'd never again have to gather herself from just the thought of having to interact with him. There was another call, granting him permission again, though much louder now.
Don't worry, Neji thought tenderly. I heard you.
He entered.
"Neji-san," she said, delighted. All red cheeks and glowing eyes. "I—I'm glad to see you."
His stomach jolted, as it always did at her ability to say such things so effortlessly. She was smiling when he looked at her. Like she knew exactly how she affected him. Though that couldn't be true. There was an unmatched innocence in her gaze that made it difficult for him to believe that she had a single mean-spirited bone in her body. Oh, he knew Hinata could hate, could even manipulate others into bending to her will by saying the right words. She was human after all. More than that, she was a Hyuga. But he doubted that she would ever allow any ill feelings to grip and fester within her as he once did.
"Hinata-sama," he said back, still getting used to the title. It tasted sweet on his tongue. "Are you well?"
"Yes, thank you." She breathed to command her stutter. Neji waited patiently. "The nurses say I'm doing very good. They'll be letting me out soon."
"That's good to hear," he debated apologizing again for making her go through this, then thought better of it, "I'm happy for you."
"I'm grateful to everyone that came to visit me."
"Even me?" Neji asked, before he could stop himself.
"Yes," she said without missing a beat. Her cheeks were red again. "Especially you."
A short silence ensued.
It was broken by Hinata's growling stomach. The blush on her face extended all the way up to her ears at that. She piled both of her hands over the area, as if that might silence it. But all it did was make it growl again in protest. And Neji—
Neji laughed.
It was startled out of him. The sound of it was deep and rusty enough that he almost didn't recognize his own voice. Hinata stared, then brightened like a blossoming flower as his joy reverberated all around the room.
How long had it been since he'd laughed? He didn't know, but he wanted to have the opportunity to do so again. So, he plopped down in the empty seat by her bed, unwrapped their meals, and—stayed.
Neji could only hope that she continued to allow him this privilege.
A/N: Please Review.