Chapter 4- The Night We Met

It was fifteen days later when the call came in. Jay had surpassed the two week deadline, but just barely. Since being put on 'the list,' Jay's health steadily deteriorated. Seven days in, he was maxed out on steroids and receiving breathing treatments every four hours. The side effects of that was constant jitteriness and swelling all over. He went from looking frail and underweight to plump and on edge. Also, his lips were always a slight hue of blue. At one point, he described his lack of air as inhaling through a straw and someone would kink the line, making it impossible for any air to get through. He was intubated twice and fought the ventilator days later. The morning of day fifteen he was on an oxygen mask and wheezing, barely opening his eyes or speaking. The mood in the room began at optimism and fell to desperation. Will never left Jay's side during these final days. He wanted Jay to know he was with him till the end of the line. But more importantly, he didn't want to miss these final moments, despite their cruelty.

Aside from the breathing problems, the worst part in all of this was the slow death of the heart. Every morning, they'd awaken to the heart monitor beeping a slightly slower beat. They tried every medication legally allowed but nothing availed. His heart was shutting down and all they could do was hope and pray. Will even discussed an artificial heart but Rhodes warned of the uncertainties. Artificial hearts were typically used in steadier cases. They were intended for people who weren't as far along as Jay and could live for months on the device. In his current state, Rhodes wasn't sure Jay would survive the operation much less the early hours of recovery. Bypass would only buy them hours, not days. Their days consisted of exams, brain storming, and sitting by a phone, mentally telling it to ring. Their prayer was met at one fifty-three PM.

It was a whirlwind of steps getting Jay from the ICU, to pre-op, to an OR to get his BIVADS removed before the heart's viability expired. A heart matching Jay's blood type and tissue became available in Indianapolis and the transplant team was en route. By some minor miracle, Jay was conscious when they received the call. He still had apprehensions about the whole thing, but he finally arrived at the point of acceptance. The gift of a heart was this person's final act on this earth, who was he to stand in their way. He didn't ask about the donor nor was he giddy about the whole thing. He was at a crossroads and he opted to choose the path to living. He only cried once and that was in the elevator on the way to pre-op. It was Will, an OR nurse, and him in the elevator. Jay reached to feel his slow, sick heart beat against his hand for the final time, saying farewell to the incredible little guy. Through closed eyes, he felt the faint thumps giving their all, attempting to hang on for awhile longer. He didn't notice the pain this caused because he was too consumed with the hurt in his mind. It felt like his soul was about to depart from him and he was scared. Not about the operation, but what would happen afterward. He worried he'd be drastically different, forming new opinions or dislikes than what he was accustomed to. Would he still want to be a cop after all this and would he still have the same passions as before? And then came the cruel reminder that all this was happening because of his inability to resist temptation. It was at this point that the tears starting falling. Will turned from the elevator door to the sniffling person behind him, grabbing the hand closest to him and smiling, reminding Jay he was going to be fine.

In pre-op, Will assisted in the changing of Jay's attire and distracting him as a central line was inserted for the by-pass machine. He tried his best to inform Jay of what he'd wake up to and what the first few hours would be like. It was clear to see Jay's worry and talking seemed to be the solution. The oxygen mask was replaced with a cannula and the brothers were left alone for a few precious moments.

"You ready?" Will gave his best doctor reassurance face as he watched Jay fidget with the new IV port in his hand.

"I don't know. We've discussed this for awhile and…it's real now. No longer are we talking the talk."

"Hey, you're going to be ok. You get the easy part in all of this." Jay shook his head.

"Not really, I get to live the outcome of it all and it's up to me to make sure it was all worth it."

"So do that. You like challenges. Make this the next one. Let this second act be the one that really counts." Thank the Lord for Will and his always positive disposition. While Jay was losing a small part of him, a new element was about to come into existence. With it, he could finally get out of this place and experience life again. It was ok to grieve what was about to be lost. But at some point, you have to turn your attention to the good that was to come out of it all. Relief was hours away and it was hard to not get a little excited about that.

"Yeah…thanks Will. This has been…crazy, for lack of a better word. Thanks for not giving up." Will sat at the end of the bed and smiled.

"Anytime. Love you, Jay." A knock stopped Jay from replying.

"OR is all set up. Ready to roll," Conner asked? Jay looked at Will as he nodded, mentally pumping himself up. Both doctors maneuvered the bed out of the pre-op room and pushed till they reached the OR doors, stopping for a moment.

"This is where I leave you guys," Will announced.

"I'll be there when you wake up." Jay was mentally gone, somewhere far away from where his body was. Will only got a nod before releasing him into the competent and caring hands of the cardiac team. He stood at the door till the group disappeared. It's odd watching a family member go through all this. While you're anxiously excited for the other side of it all, getting to that point was a chasm of dread and unpredictability.

…

The world rapidly shrunk to the size of an OR table. Jay winced at the power of the lights above him as he was parked adjacent to the table he'd spend the next several hours. He must've been given something because his ears were pounding and everything was floating. When they moved him from the gurney to the table, he didn't really notice the discomfort the transfer caused. He could feel things being connected to varying parts of his body. Voices were saying something but it was like they were speaking underwater. Jay was nervous he'd start talking gibberish with no one to hold him back. It seemed to be years later when someone got close to his right ear and told him to count to ten as a large, clear mask fell on top of his face. This was it, don't get scared now. He nodded, told everyone farewell, and allowed the heavy gas to do its' thing.

"1…2…3…" Goodbye old pal. I'm sorry.

…

It was an unconventional waiting room but then again, convention was not in this group's vocabulary. Oh, he did try to sit in the OR waiting room at first, but by the fourth hour he couldn't take the suffocating silent air a moment longer. He stormed off, beelining it for the metal door at the top of the stairs at the end of the hall in front of the elevator. The fresh air did wonders for his spirits. He stood against the brick border of the building and closed his eyes, breathing in that sweet, salty, smoggy, hot dog infused air. The city was stunning. But then again, after the weeks they'd all been through, fog would have looked magnificent. The sky was waxing darkness, the faintest of orange and blue hues were trimming the outskirts of the sky. The west end of the city had just about swallowed it's daily dose of the sun. The fun game of watching the copious amounts of light bulbs flip on was beginning. It was like role call in school. Each bulb was letting the world know they were here and ready to guide them home. The infamous outline of this city never got old. Old faithfuls stood proud in their aged foundations while cranes poked out behind them, crafting new friends for the old geezers. The honking horns of businessmen and businesswomen rushing home to their night life were a symphony, playing the concerto of traffic in the windy city. Behind Will, the lake was a ribbon of dark blue. A boat horn often sounded and if you listened hard enough, you could pick up the yelling as boats crossed each other. Down below, someone was yelling at another person about their crappy parking job. Will detected a, 'Hey asshole, the lines aren't suggestions ya know!' Every city has it's own personality. Chicago's was tough, rugged, and strong and Will loved it most of all.

He laughed as he spotted the lawn chair tucked away under the brick border. Prior to today, he hated when people left things up here. Warned everyone that mucking the place up would end their allowance to stay up here. Now though, he silently thanked the lazy person who left the chair. There was nowhere else he wanted to be and was grateful for the front row seat to the world. He unfolded the chair and dropped it close to the edge so he could prop his feet up and lean the chair back. His phone buzzed as he settled in.

How's it going? Will smacked himself as he read the message from Voight. In the whirlwind of things, he'd somehow forgotten to let the team know. He responded with instructions to bring chairs and meet him on the roof. He was ready to defend himself and his weird request. Instead, he received one word: OK. Will wondered if Voight took it as good or bad. He began to type things out, but then deleted it all. It wasn't proper for them to learn of big things like this over text message; few announcements are actually. He put the phone away and went back to his business of city watching.

…

"Wow…I mean…wow. He's really getting it?"

"Yeah, it's happening below us."

"How long has he been in there?" Will glanced at his phone for the time.

"Um, about five and a half hours. He'll probably be done in a couple more." It was hard to read the team. Some had better poker faces than others. Kim was the worst one. She kept smiling and would laugh after someone spoke. Hailey and Voight were superb, not letting anything sway their expression. The rest were shocked at first but then bottled it all up. They were happy for Jay, sad for the person who lost their life today, and a little uneasy about the surgery. It was a crazy time.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you guys sooner. It was a lot going on at once and.."

"-It's all good." They all took in the view in front of them. It was pitch black now and the twinkling diamonds of the city shone bright. There was a quietness up here. You could detect the lull of tires hitting asphalt and the humming of engines, but it was off in the distance. At this viewpoint, it was you and the city. The peacefulness was welcoming.

"So this isn't a bad place to wait," Adam confessed. Will nodded as he sipped the coffee they brought. Yes, it was January. Yes, it was freezing. But they all didn't seem to notice.

"We might develop hypothermia, but this is worth it," Antonio joked.

"Well, help isn't too far away if that happens." Will laughed, raising his thermos.

"To close proximity." They clanked their thermoses together, cheering in unison. It was fun getting to see this side of the team. For the most part, he got to interact with them while they were all on the job. Here, they were just a group of friends hanging out like high school students on a Friday night. Will understood why Jay loved and respected these people so much.

"Jay would enjoy this," Will eventually spoke, sobering the mood a bit.

"He's going to be fine. No way he comes this far and quits."

"Very true."

"I'm glad to know I'm not the only who thinks that of him." They returned to sipping and staring, the only contact was made with eyes. And that's how it all went for the duration of the waiting game. They'd occasionally bring up a topic but always return to silence. Despite the different lives and paths sitting on the roof, it was incredible to see how alike they all really were. Will would cherish this day for numerous reasons, the best being this time.

…

Some time later, the metal door slammed into the concrete pillar in the path of its' swing, making everyone jolt out of their running minds. Heads turned in unison to see a befuddled Conner Rhodes.

"I didn't want to believe the crazy rumor going around downstairs. You guys do realize it's January and you live in Chicago, right?" They laughed at his perplexed demeanor.

"And yet, here we are." Rhodes sped walked over to the group and sat crossed legged in front of everyone. The existence of Rhode's somewhat positive mood hinted that things went well. The time had arrived for the verbal confirmation.

"So, after eight hours of removing BIVADS and swapping out hearts, valves, and correcting damaged arteries, everything went well. Really well actually. The slight hiccup was getting the new heart to start but that's very much normal, especially for a body that was in severe failure like Jay. He's still intubated and will be so till he fights the vent. He's in recovery now and should wake up in a few hours." Perhaps it was frigid air or the swelling relief, but Rhodes was interrupted by a thunderous applause, a few cheers may have slipped out as well. Rhodes stood from his perch and jokingly took a bow, half wishing he knew what drug this group was on.

"When can we see him," Hailey asked?

"Well, Will can come down with me to recovery, but you guys will unfortunately have to wait a couple of days. He's in prime condition to pick up an infection and that could be fatal. We have him on antibiotics to help boost the immune system, but visitors will be limited till he's gotten a few rounds of drugs in him. Once he's extubated and in the clear, I don't care how often you guys show up." Their faces dropped a little, but understood. They joined Conner is standing up and began to pack their things. They all rode the elevator together and finally felt the effects of being outdoors for that long. Each wore bright red cheeks and runny noses. Now feeling warmth for the first time in hours, they couldn't stop shaking, hugging each other to create instant heat. It was at the OR floor that they went their separate ways. Everyone made sure to bid farewell to the two doctors, receiving promises that they'd be kept updated. The two of them stood on the other side of the elevator door, watching it close before heading for the big doors. It took every ounce of patience in Will not to jog to the recovery suite. He'd briskly walk a few steps and then slowed himself down. Conner laughed at him. It was amazing what relief does to the human body. Upon arriving at the recovery room's door, Conner held Will up for a moment.

"I know you already know this, but just remember he is there under everything. He's got four drainage tubes in his chest and one in his neck. He also has a feeding tube down his nose. The central line is still in and the pacing wires are back to help with the arrhythmias. He's also got a lot of monitoring cords. Just giving you the heads up." Will nodded, appreciative of Conner's looking out for his psyche. The surgeon slowly pushed the door open, leading Will to an enclosed area at the end of the room.

He understood why he was reminded of Jay's current state. The first thing Will recorded was the strong heartbeat sound coming from the screen above Jay. It was sweet music to his tired ears, accustomed to quiet pitter patter of the dying heart. The beat was irregular, but the strength came through. The next thing Will observed was how lifeless Jay looked. He resembled a cadaver used in med school. It was amazing to think how a fist sized organ could require this much attention and care. Will moved to the left side of Jay's bed and pulled up a swivel stool from the corner, gently holding the lukewarm, limp hand. The last time he saw his brother, he was exhausted but trying. Trying to hold on for dear life. Fighting to survive a few more hours. Now, he looked like someone who endured the worst event of their life. His hair was a mess and his body language screamed done. It was like at the end of a movie when the action star wakes up in the hospital. Every fiber of their being is depleted and they can only work themselves up to talking, retiring to sleepville after a short time. Whatever obstacle Jay had to overcome, he did it. No more dread. Gone was the anxiety. It was finished. Will watched his brother's worn-out chest move up and down for a moment, each motion a small victory. He took in the ginormous incision running down his sternum and the many wires and tubes surrounding it. He knew they all had a purpose, but actually looking at them all solidified the uneasiness. Will moved up to Jay's face, surveying the tube taped against one side of Jay's mouth and snaking into a plug on the ventilator. Another, thinner tube was poking out of his right nostril and taped against his right cheek. Even with the breathing help, he looked peaceful. Will squeezed Jay's hand as he attempted to fix the hair with the free hand.

"Hey bud, it's all done. I'm right here." He knew a response wasn't coming, but he wanted to verbally announce that the end was upon them. Tonight, he could fall asleep knowing there was a great chance his brother would wake up in the morning. Will sat in recovery with Jay for an hour before he was cleared to return to the ICU. It was on the ride up to the room that Jay's eyes fluttered open for the first time. He didn't fight the vent or move anything. One moment he was out and the next second the eyelids decided to move. His eyes were watering from the artificial tears they'd dropped in during the surgery and Will carefully brushed them away. The blue eyes were fatigued and medicated, but managed to make contact with Will's excited face.

"Hey, you did great. Just go back to sleep." It was like speaking to a computer. Will finished talking and Jay was very much out. He knew Jay wouldn't remember any of it, but Will counted it towards something. He assisted the nurses with arranging things in Jay's room before plopping down onto his own bed. The events of the day finally caught up to him. That night, both brothers slept soundly and totally through the night.

…

It was around ten the following morning when Will received the nudging from the nurse. He detected a voice but was too worn out to really listen. A light slap finally got him to roll over.

"Will, he's awake and he gagged." Will proceeded to thrust himself upright.

"Really?!" The nurse eagerly nodded, smiling while doing so. In this instance, gagging was a fantastic sign. Gagging meant he was breathing on his own, a big step in the early recovery process. The disheveled, yawning figure wobbly rose from the bed and schlepped itself to the hospital bed. The eyes were still medicated and watering, but they were a little more coherent this time. Jay glanced all around the room before stopping on Will. You could tell he was confused and a little scared.

"Hey, can you hear me?" Jay got a nod in before gagging on the tube again. Will unplugged the hose from Jay's breathing tube, helping Jay breathe by himself.

"Ok, I can't take this out but Rhodes is coming. Hey, follow my breathing. Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale." It took a couple more sets, but Jay eventually got the hang of it. He winced with every exhale and Will got the message.

"Is it bad? Do you need another dose?" Jay nodded. Conner arrived as the nurse unscrewed the syringe from Jay's IV. Jay kept his vision on Will as Rhodes deflated the balloon at the end of the tube and waited for a couple more breaths.

"This is going to be uncomfortable. Please don't puke on me." Jay half smiled as he rolled his eyes. He waited for Jay to start coughing before beginning the tube's ascent. He did gag to the point of almost throwing up, Rhodes instinctively placing a hand in front of Jay's mouth. Jay mouthed 'hello' as a cannula was put under his nose. Will grabbed a tissue and wiped the spit that had formed around Jay's mouth.

"Keep that on for another two days and then you're free of oxygen tanks. Exciting, right?!" The exhaustion reduced Jay's response to a single thumb up from an immobile hand.

"Nice to see you awake again. I'll come check on you guys later on." Will mouthed a 'thank you' as the surgeon walked out, receiving a quick nod in return. Getting the tube out was unofficially the final hurdle of the surgery. No longer was he a body connected to machines. Well, he still was surviving off a lot of things, but at least he could now add some personality to the situation. Jay, the person and soul, was finally back in the world and it was awesome.

"Remember, no talking for a bit. Do you want an ice cube for the throat?" Jay nodded, Will was elated over his obedience. He picked up a single cube and dropped it on the tip of Jay's tongue. Jay forwent melting and just chewed on the thing. It had honestly been weeks since he chewed anything and hoped he hadn't forgotten how to do that. He pointed to the ice cup again and Will indulged him.

"You're really not supposed to be having this," Will announced after the fifth one.

"I'm starving," the rough, quiet voice responded.

"Well, we can give you another nutrient pack through the feeding tube, but that's about it." Jay tried to shrug, the pain of the act stopping him.

"So, it's over. Everything went really well. You'll be on anti-rejection meds for the rest of time, but it looks like you're going to be ok. I don't why you wouldn't make a full recovery and get back to your swing of things."

"When can I leave?" Ah, there it was. It only took Jay three weeks to ask that one.

"It'll be at least a week, probably more like ten days if everything goes well. And before you ask, everyone was here last night. You can see them in a couple of days. You're in infection protocol till you get a few doses of antibiotics in." Jay's attempt at hiding his disappointment failed epically. Jay was not the type of person that enjoyed being cooped up and alone for a long period of time. Will knew he'd go stir crazy after awhile, but it's what was best for him right now. A solution popped into his head.

"What about FaceTime?" A small yawn was all he got.

"After you sleep." Jay nodded as his body went limp. Will gave everyone the heads up before heading to the bathroom. It would take his full effort to erase his zombie-like look.

…

They crammed all six of them into the frame of Voight's phone, readying themselves for the return of their fallen comrade. The FaceTime ring tone went off and Voight pressed the green circle button. The screen was blurry and read connecting…connecting…connecting and then, the other side came through. What greeted them on the other side was not the cinematic masterpiece they envisioned. The first sight they got was the print end of Will's thumb and arguing in the background. Their smiles became laughs as they listened to the Halsteads lovingly bicker.

"Will, just put it in my hand I'll figure it out," a pain-filled voice whispered.

"No, I've got it. Just chill and give me a second."

"Ah, sibling love," Adam proclaimed as they all giggled. They weren't sure if the other end knew they were connected, but they didn't bother alerting them. This was comedic gold and needed to be used someday. The picture on the other end changed from a thumb to the drop tile ceiling. Apparently Jay won the technology battle.

"See this?! You hit it to add another call." Despite being hours off of a major surgery, and the numerous physical and mental altering drugs running through his body, it was fitting that Jay could still piece together a group FaceTime call in seconds. While still staring at the ceiling, you could here the passing of the phone from Jay to Will before getting a fabulous shot up Will's nose as he set the phone on the food tray. A few adjustments later, a drained, dazed looking Jay Halstead came into view.

"HI!" Jay took in the smiling faces that were connecting with him across the globe, literally. Intelligence was coming in from Chicago, Erin was in New York City, and Mouse was somewhere in the Middle East. Apparently his location was very much above their pay grade. Nevertheless, Jay was touched that everyone took a few moments out of their days to talk to his injured ass. It wasn't the circumstance they envisioned being reunited for, but it was awesome to see the gang—old and new—back together again…via iPhones.

"Hey guys," Jay replied as he attempted to pull the tube out from under his nose. Will's hands swooped into the corner of the screen, threatening life and limb if Jay took it off. Jay blushed as laughs rang out from the three viewing parties.

"What's life like out there?" Erin went into a quick summary over a case she was currently leading, Jay focusing more on her then what she was saying. While their relationship was over, he just missed her. He missed their snide remarks, her ability to push his buttons just enough to annoy him, her raspy laugh and dimples. She had this light about her that made the toughest job in the world manageable. He was proud of her and what all she'd accomplished since moving to New York. But, they'd always have Chicago.

Very true to his character, Mouse was skim on the details. He threw out some military lingo and Jay followed right along. Clearly, the coded message was scripted for only Jay to understand. The Chicago team was puzzled throughout the entire thing. Voight waited till Mouse was through to speak up.

"What about you?"

"Me," Jay jokingly asked?! Erin rolled her eyes while the rest chuckled.

"Um, I'm alive, so there's that."

"You look good, man. Really surprised you're this alert so soon after surgery."

"Oh trust me, if given the chance I'd be out in a second."

"So how are you feeling?"

"I mean, it's kinda hard to tell with all the stuff I'm currently on, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, it hurts to move anything and breathe but the pain meds are helping for now. Will, can I at least pull the feeding tube out? It's making my nose itch." A strong, 'no,' came from somewhere in the room.

"Do you feel any different?" Jay paused for a moment on that one.

"Um, you know what, I don't know. I haven't really been conscious long enough to really think about it. It's weird looking back at what all happened yesterday, but it's nice to not be dying anymore. Well, for the time being at least." Jay let out a dry, harsh cough, making Will enter the picture for a moment.

"Do you want more ice," he asked? Jay nodded as he closed his eyes, breathing through the shooting pain in his chest. They all watched with sympathy. It was different seeing Jay in this state. They were so accustomed to him in macho G.I. Joe mode that the person in front of them was almost unrecognizable. He was pale, thin, and willingly taking help; a one eighty of their Jay Halstead. Will had warned them ahead of time Jay would look and act different when they saw him, but witnessing him now, they truly understood the message. Jay was hurting on many different levels. He'd been through a lot the last several weeks to help counteract his year long problems. He had a brush with death and had to part ways with a vital piece of him,. It's hard for someone to not change after all that. While Jay would eventually return to his old self—for the most part—things were going to be different from here on out. It was going to take time and adjusting on everyone's part.

They talked for awhile longer as Jay chewed on ice cubes, listening and nodding more than speaking. His lacking in strength was poking through and he was fighting tiredness with every passing minute. He was amazed at how much rest was needed for the human body to recover. It felt like he slept for days on end and still wasn't strong enough to remain awake for more than a few hours. Will told him this would likely happen, but actually living through it was nearing unbearable for him. It was amazing what the human body could do, but the effort needed for it to function was even more fascinating.

"Jay, you're tired" Hailey commented. Jay didn't realize he'd closed his eyes. He opened them wide and shook his head.

"No, I'm fine, just a little groggy that's all." None of them were buying it.

"Get some rest, kid." They waved farewell as Jay held his wrist up and did the same. He didn't want this to end. Once the call ended, things would go back to reality. Their little reunion would be over and who knew when they'd get to do something like this again. He missed these people. More importantly, he missed life that was happening outside his window.

"Bye guys. I'll see you soon." Will ended the call as Jay closed his eyes again, knowing the only way out of here was letting the doctors, nurses, and medication do their thing. It wasn't like him to be this submissive and it was an odd feeling. Perhaps the new heart was bringing out hidden features of himself.

This might have been my favorite chapter to write, ever. We are seeing the essence of life and friendship and family and there's nothing better than that. Things are finally looking up and we're approaching the lighter moments of this story. Thank you for sticking with me.