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*Sleeping sun
"Kili will you shoot that bloody arrow! The deer is going to escape!" Fili whispered angrily.
"Don't tell me what to do…" Kili felt his small hands trembling almost uncontrollably. The need to save that poor creature was too strong, but the demanding eyes of his uncle lingered heavy on his back.
"It-is-going-to-get-away..." -Fili hissed- "...look how it's ears are perking up. Your foot is grinding the leaves way too loudly!" With that, Fili's foot kicked Kili's and the boy fell on his face causing a racket which send the deer over the hill with a majestic canter.
"See! I told you he wasn't going to make it! He send the deer away!" Fili crossed his arms and looked proudly at uncle Thorin.
"And now you are stranded without food for the rest of the day, for you cannot linger long in one place to hunt when you are travelling in the wild." Thorin's deep voice coloured the air.
"It's his fault," Fili flicked his shoulders.
Kili stood up and cleaned his tunic from the leaves that autumn had managed to tear away from the trees. "He kicked my foot right from under me uncle, didn't you see?"
Thorin raised his brow.
"Did no such thing you little liar!" Fili gritted his teeth and his small hands became tight fists.
Thorin sighed patiently and rested on his heels. "During autumn and spring going one day or more without food will be possible, as your body doesn't need to sustain through harsh conditions, but that would end up in a catastrophe during winter. Especially if you become stranded in a snowstorm." His hand touched the ground gently and his own ears perked up for any sounds around them. Maybe they still had a chance to catch up with that deer.
"I would have killed it. I had it right in the middle of my aim!" Kili poked Fili's chest angrily.
"Are you poking me you little troll?" Fili's nostrils flared.
"You called me a liar when all the while it was your fault the deer escaped. I will poke your eyes out of your face if you don't admit it, right now!" Kili retorted.
Thorin pursed his lips and looked sideways at the boys. "Also arguing so loud in the wild makes a very good target out of you. He resumed in a calm and low voice.
Of course the boys' didn't listen to him, enveloped as they were in their battle for superiority. "I will admit nothing! It was you that hesitated to shoot it when it was time!" Fili growled.
"You pulled my leg right from under me!" Kili took a handful of rotten leaves and rubbed them on Fili's face. That was the last straw as they embraced in an adrenaline filled battle that send them rolling all over the wet forest bed with painful growls of anger.
Thorin towered over them patiently. On seeing their fight not abiding, but becoming even more intense he decided to intervene, but rather unconventionally. He leaned over and picked up a rather heavy stone in each hand. Then he weighed the stones for several moments before targeting his nephews.
"Ouch!" Fili grabbed the back of his head that gushed blood and looked at his uncle who then threw the next stone on Kili catching him right at the forehead and sending him rolling on his back with a roar of pain.
"Uncle!" Fili looked up dolefully.
"And now you are both dead from Orc's arrows, since you managed to draw close every black blooded demon within a ten mile radius." His eyes were deadpan.
Fili exhaled and stood up.
"Help your brother up, for he is your only help when you are surrounded by so many enemies," Thorin's solemn voice made Fili look guiltily at Kili that had blood running over his eyes.
Fili extended his hand and Kili's lips turned down.
"You take your brother's hand for no one will help you up but him." Thorin thrust his chin up with enviable coldness at the blood stained faces of his nephews. A misfortune that he had caused to them.
Kili grasped Fili's hand and got pulled up. They both stood crestfallen in front of their uncle, barely able to look him in the eyes.
Thorin raised up his finger, but his voice continued to be collected. "Let's count failures today. First Kili you hesitated to kill your game, second Fili you tripped your brother rendering his already hard decision, impossible. Third instead of cooperating to find your game again before the sun falls and you freeze to death with no fire or food, you turn at each other's throats. Fourth, you fight like screeching banshees and you make every enemy locate your position. Fifth, you end up…dead." His head tilted slightly as he glowered down at the bloody boys.
Fili was the first one to speak. "We are sorry uncle."
"Yes we are sorry!" Kili said and wiped away the blood that was covering his eyes.
"Being sorry won't save your lives when you are out here without me" -Thorin's face darkened for a brief second- "remember that you have each other's backs. Stop getting on each other's throat, because no one else will support you. If you end up fighting each other you will end up dead out in the wilderness."
"Did you fight a lot with uncle Frerin?" Fili's eyes toyed with a faint glimmer of hope that he wasn't the only one hating his brother on occasion.
A small hairpin appeared at the side of Thorin's mouth, half hidden under his black beard. "I couldn't stop fighting with him and also with my sister, but when the time came to be with them in the wild I knew we had each other's backs. Something that you need to learn."
Fili nodded and cast his eyes down. "I shouldn't have tripped Kili."
"You shouldn't have and the apology goes to him, not me." Thorin pointed out gently.
Fili turned at his brother embarrassed. "Forgive me little troll?"
Kili nodded eagerly and wiped away the blood again. "Yeah."
Thorin sighed and raised his brow dreamily. "Are you ok?" He asked his older nephew.
Fili touched the back of his head and brought forth a bloody palm. "Hurts a bit, but I will survive."
Thorin huffed, "you'd better" -then he turned at Kili- "how about you son?"
Kili shook his head bravely. "Doesn't hurt at all uncle."
Thorin's mouth toyed another ghostly smile and then he looked up at the hill. "Come on then, let's find you game again."
Kili looked up almost terrified, but came over as Thorin beckoned him closer.
"You look apprehensive." Thorin frowned at him.
"I don't want to kill the poor deer. What had it ever done to us?" Kili sniffled.
Thorin's mouth twitched and he wiped Kili's forehead with the sleeve of his tunic. He then pressed on the gush to stop the bleeding, "I can understand your hesitation. It's never easy to take a life and the animal did nothing to you. It's just food for us...a matter of survival."
Fili looked up quickly at that.
Thorin looked at him while Kili curled into his embrace. "Don't look at your brother like that. Was it is for you the first time to take a life?" He asked his older nephew.
"No it wasn't." Fili admitted defeated.
"Neither was it for me," Thorin rejoined and looked testily at Kili's forehead that had become purple and puffed up.
Kili looked up sharply at that. "It wasn't easy for you either?" He was unable to believe that his giant uncle had once been as hesitant about killing a deer as he had been today.
Thorin shook his head and looked down at Kili that had tucked himself in his arms comfortably. "No."
"When did it become easier?" Fili asked with wide eyes and a voice full of eagerness.
Thorin looked up thoughtfully. "Never."
Fili frowned and Kili looked up from his arms.
Thorin continued quietly. "It never becomes easy to take a life, but sometimes it will be you or them." Those words floated in the air around them foreboding while Thorin tended on Fili's wound with equal tenderness. Then they followed their experienced uncle in the hunt for the deer again, until they managed to catch up with it. In the end Kili managed to kill it with the huge hands of Thorin steadying his bow and his heart. When they returned at Ered Luin late at night their mother was waiting by the entrance anxiously.
When she saw her boys carrying the dead deer with the help of Thorin she ran down the steps and frowned. "You are late!"
"We managed to kill our game, mom! Look we can go down to the kitchens and gut it so we can cook it!" Fili said happily and Kili clapped his small hands.
"I will give it to Aira tomorrow and she can cook it for our lunch. Now go back to your rooms and I will come in a moment to help you clean up all that blood." She said and caressed their dirty faces and hair with a gentleness that always touched Thorin's heart. When they were out of sight she turned to her formidable brother.
"What the hell happened to their heads?" She frowned irritated.
"Just a small lesson from me, with love." He smirked.
She pressed her lips and punched his shoulder. "Don't kill them before they come of age, alright?"
"My job is to help them stay alive." His eyes fixed at the boys who were running up the corridors to their lair.
"I know and I will never stop thanking you for everything you have been doing for us, wolf." Dis's hands wrapped around his waist and she rested her head at his chest.
For everything he had been doing for them? What had he done for them in the end? Now Kili was dead and Fili was also…
"Alive, can you hear me Thorin? Fili was found alive at Ravenhill!" The soft voice he recognised as Balin's was speaking close to his ear.
Dead, his boys were both dead. He wanted to open his eyes, but his body refused him and he was cold...so cold.
"Dead…" he whispered and tried to understand if that was his voice in reality or inside a world of dreams. Was he back at the forest surrounding Eren Luin with his nephews alive and unharmed?
"No, Fili is alive. They brought him to the next room and Oin has stitched up the boy's back. The knife got lodged in his spine. It didn't go through any internal organs." Balin's voice try to pass through to a mind that was not there anymore.
"Dead…" Thorin repeated and his fingers grazed what felt like soft fabric. Where was he?
"Fili is still alive!" Balin's voice roared next to his ear then, making his body tighten painfully.
Alive?….
"Alive?" He whispered at the dark unknown around him, having only Balin's voice to hold onto.
"Not just alive, we can barely contain him in bed. He wants to come see you," Balin sounded more emotional than Thorin had ever heard him and wasn't it truly sad that he was unable to witness that with his own eyes?
"The stone didn't kill him?" Thorin's brow wrinkled.
Balin frowned and looked up troubled, at his brother who shook his head. Then Balin looked back down at Thorin's pale mask of death and his eyes lingered on the red angrily gaping wound on his forehead. "Which stone laddie?"
The stone that broke his head open, that is what his mind was telling him to answer, but he knew it was lying. Fili didn't fall from that stone. He fell from a knife buried in his back and he was there to see the life leaving his eyes as that pale filth destroyed his beloved nephew. He was cursed to be there in order to see Fili dying.
He groaned and tried to move his head, but it was too heavy. He couldn't move anything only his mouth barely and his fingers. That cold blanket that covered his body was making him shake so bad and everything on him felt stiff and unused. "Alive?"
Balin nodded, but Thorin couldn't see him. "Fili is alive!"
A small ripple of confusion rippled through Thorin's brow. "Kili?"
The silence around him felt more terrifying than the coldness that was pulling him down a dark corridor that had no exits. He searched with his fingers and found skin. Was it Balin's hand? He grabbed it as hard as he could and repeated forcefully. "Kili?"
Then it was Dwalin's broken voice that came from the other side. "He is dead..."
Dread drenched his heart. He wanted to scream his monumental objection to the skies, but the only thing that came out was a defeated exhalation that hid inside it all the pain that he couldn't express at that moment. He felt tears trying to climb up his throat, but his body was unable to release them. Instead he shuddered heavily and got covered with thousands of frozen fingers that were prickling his skin and making his teeth clatter. "Take care of Fili, please." He barely managed to whisper.
The hand that he held, pressed him back firmly. "You will take care of him, you hear? You are going nowhere. Come back to take care of your nephew!"
Thorin felt his lips upturning in a ghostly smile, but that could have been only in his imagination. Come back to where? He was not coming back anymore. He was away. Already away, back in the Blue Mountains when Thrain was still around to lead his people and had not been yet overtaken by his need to search for gold. He could see Kilskjald still alive, taking care of his sons and Dis. He had returned to the times when hope was still there for his family, even though for him it was always a dim light at the end of a long tunnel. "Take care of my boy." He pressed the warm hand, almost crushing it's bones with his frozen fingers.
Another hard voice almost commanding came to remind him that he was not away yet. He had not been spared, neither allowed to rest. "You come back to take over your kingdom Uzbâd. I didn't come all the way from the Iron Hills to bury you." Nevertheless Thorin couldn't hear anything anymore as he was falling deeper and deeper into silence and that cold that was wrapping him so lovingly ...that felt terrifying.
"He is out again," Dwalin closed his eyes in desolation.
"He is feverish," Balin shook his head grimly.
"Already?" Dain asked and took off his helmet.
Balin nodded.
"I shall send Roac to the Iron Hills. His sister must be informed," Dain looked gravely at the trembling body of the King.
Balin looked up startled at those news. "Dis is there?"
Dain lowered his eyes. "She wanted to be close to her family. She didn't want to remain back at the Blue mountains."
Balin exhaled in resignation. "Then send for her immediately then. I don't know how long he has left to live."
"Your beauty my lady is legendary" Kárunn said as she brushed the raven hair of the Princess, that were laying long below her waist.
The second lady in honour snickered gently under her hand. "As is the beauty of her brother, the King."
"Valdís, be careful." Dis raised her black arrow brow with austerity.
"But why my Lady? The beauty of the Longbeards is well spread far and wide throughout the Dwarven Kingdoms. I speak of nothing new." Valdís replied carefully.
"Still your insolent little mouth bothers me. My brother is in the midst of a heated battle, endangering his life in order to reclaim our homeland. I do not wish to discuss his physical appearance with a couple of heated Dwarrowdams." Dis pursed her lips, looking rather irritated.
"I am simply entrusting the opinion of many to you, my Lady, hoping you will not make a fool out of me to the King. Nevertheless you are right, I was insolent. I should weave praises to the King's valiant nature, not his physical appearance. I am sorry I troubled you so." Valdís blushed and looked at her boots.
"Now you speak more prudently although I assure you I am used to the female attention my brother always gets so I was not troubled by it, merely irritated." Dis dismissed her and showed her hair to Kárunn "Make my braids," she ordered.
"I cannot speak highly enough of the courageous endeavour our mighty King had undertaken in Erebor my Lady and I wish he will succeed from the bottom of my heart. Nevertheless I will admit that it is a lifelong dream of mine to meet your imposing brother." Valdís fixed Dis' collar.
Dis raised her brow again and touched her soft black sideburns that reached just above the tilt of her mouth. "You are not the only dame with such a request. Take your place in the queue."
"I know I have no chance my Lady, thus I speak from a place of safety. Your majesty would never allow the King to approach such a lowly Dwarrowdam as me." Valdís smiled and caressed Dis' smooth hair.
"He never asks for my opinion in such matters." -Dis flicked her shoulder- "but don't get your hopes up dear Valdís. My brother never cared about marriage nor family."
"Alas, I know…me along with many others." Valdís fanned her throat, making her blonde sideburns ripple.
"Dear Mahal…shut it! The Lady told you she is not in the mood to discuss her mighty brother in this manner!" Kárunn whispered and lowered her eyes feeling embarrassed.
"Eilin, bring my boots." Dis ignored the sisters and turned to the third girl in the room who was standing way back into the shadows.
Upon that command, the girl animated and run with the boots in her hands to help the Princess who continued bashing her Ladies in waiting.
"As for my brother I need not hear anymore about your hormonal explosions. Share that with your friends on drunken nights or else try your ways with him when you meet him. Although I will warn you against such a folly. He is already one hundred and ninety six years old and no woman has ever managed to get to him." Dis raised her brows truly disinterested in either Valdís' need to get the King in bed or Thorin's denial to mess with any female. It was not her place to deal with that. It was also not her place to gossip about it, even though she had tried to hook him up with several noble women along the way. Finally it was not her place to play middle woman for Valdís. Dis looked at the bashful blonde Dwarrowdam. No she wouldn't play middle woman, despite the fact that Valdis had a fresh, sexy disposition and a beautiful countenance. No matter that she was also the youngest daughter of the second cousin of Dain Ironfoot and thus connected to the direct line of Durin.
Still it was not Dis' place to hook up her broody old brother with any woman. She looked down at Eilin who was putting on her heavy fur boots. "Try to tie down the leather straps harder girl." She said.
The petit redheaded maiden nodded silently and did as she was told as she didn't want to ruffle anyone's feathers today, not even by mistake.
From the moment Dis arrived at the Iron Hills, the youngest daughter of Fain Ironfoot and her sister were placed under her service as ladies in waiting. Dis understood this was done solely for the opportunity of catching Thorin's eye when they arrived at Erebor after the battle was over. The Ironfoots were desperately trying to bond their two lines and she couldn't blame them. They could do that only through Thorin or her sons and the second option was a no go from her. Something she made sure they understood from day one. She didn't intend to marry either of her sons so early on. They were two young adults who had their whole lives in front of them in order to experience things. It was not their time to be tied down through a marriage, even if it was to Dain's noble family.
"I cannot understand my Lady why you have taken this abomination in your service," Kárunn said and looked towards the red headed girl. She drew Dis out of her deep contemplations.
"Because her countenance and her manners please me." Dis looked at the maiden calmly.
"My father was deliberating on sending her back to the Dunlands as a service girl just as you decided to take her in your service. I'd say she was quite lucky!" Valdís added with much less distaste than her sister.
"Thank Mahal I came along just in time then," Dis caressed the long braid that Kárunn was making for her.
"It is unheard of royalty to take in bastards." Kárunn spat.
Dis observed the ashen haired older daughter of Fain. Less pretty than her sister Valdís, she had a pale face, gaunt characteristics and seemed bitter and choleric. Something that made Dis despise her from the first moment.
"My noble father Thrain and my legendary grandfather Thror always respected everyone, no matter their rank. My brother Thorin is even more adamant in that respect. As part of this family, I differ not." Dis said quietly. She personally didn't care about annoying Kárunn, but she didn't want to flare the anger of this haughty Dwarrowdam against the poor orphan who was fixing her second boot silently.
"Nevertheless she is so different, so ugly." Kárunn scrounged her nose and looked down at her feet. She kicked the girl's knee and Eilin took care to move further off as not bother the lady.
"You are even more imprudent than your sister, for far more sinister reasons and that displeases me." Dis chastised.
"My sister can become very picky my lady. I partly understand her, but Eilin pour soul is not to blame. Her father bedded a woman and abandoned her in a tavern. No one knows his identity but the sigil in Eilin's baby belt was from the Firebeard clan, possibly from Belegost as most Firebeards live there. Apparently her father was into common women and that unholy union produced this weird little creature who is too small for a common woman and too hairless for a Dwarrowdam. She's been wandering for ages, just a lost soul, before she ended up coming here. It was a great gesture on your behalf to take her in your service my Lady. On that count, I disagree with my sister." Valdís spoke prudently.
The beautiful azure eyes of Dis, so similar to Thorin's, scrutinized her under her black perfect eyebrows. After a few thoughtful moments her red lips formed a sweet smile. "Those words are spoken with wisdom."
Valdis bowed and smiled, not noticing the murderous look that Kárunn gave her.
Dis then looked down at the girl who had finished and was kneeling quietly next to her with her hands crossed on her lap. "Get up Eilin."
The girl didn't move.
Dis offered her hand. "Get up." She repeated.
Eilin raised her eyes and looked at the beautiful Dwarven Princess. She took the offered hand slightly trembling and stood up. Dis stood up also and raised Eilin's arms. She was several inches shorter than Dis who was fairly tall for a Dwarrowdam.
"How tall are you?" Dis asked the Valdis.
"Four foot two my lady." The blonde Lady bowed politely.
"So you are about the same height. She is not very tall. Maybe a bit too skinny and dainty also." Dis observed the girl's thin waist and almost non existent hips. She looked like she could use a couple of good meals to shape her up. Her face was very different from the common Dwarrowdams. She didn't have any facial hair and her ears were rounded and not pointy. Her face was strikingly pretty, but her characteristics were almost translucent. She had a fair complexion and bright green eyes that were intoned by her long and very curly ginger mane that flowed wild around her delicate face. Her lips were like cherries and her cheeks well defined. All in all if she dressed up in a more careful manner and took several showers she could be deemed presentable. In human standards possibly a true beauty.
"You just need a couple of new, clean dresses and to have a thorough bath that will clear up this thick hair of yours." Dis pressed her lips and dropped Eilin's hands.
The girl nodded and lowered her head.
"Do you never talk?" Dis observed her.
The girl shook her head.
"She's been in the midst of many disagreements…" Valdís hesitated to intervene.
"People been kicking her back and forth, why hold your tongue about a bastard sister? She's got what she had coming. I don't feel sorry for her." Kárunn spat vehemently.
"People been hitting you a lot?" Dis tried to look at Eilin's eyes.
Eilin nodded.
"Do you fear me?" Dis tried to encourage her.
The girl shook her head negatively.
"Fine, I don't require to hear your voice, as long as you take a good bath and ask Kárunn to give you a couple of dresses. Also I will require you to braid your hair up in a proper manner even though your elegant characteristics cannot truly support the intensity of a proper dwarven hairdo" -Dis paused with a playful smirk when she saw the lost look in the maiden's green eyes.- "if we ever manage to tame those crazy curls into a braid that is! Your hair is simply out of this world. Do you ever brush it?"
Eilin frowned and ran her fingers through her smooth, but indeed heavy curls not knowing what to say. She simply shook her head.
"Give her some my dresses?! You must be joking my Lady." -Kárunn sounded abhorred at the idea, but Valdis didn't feel empathy for her sister. She chuckled under her palm- "You shut up!" Kárunn spat at her sister.
"You had that coming a mile away," Valdís snorted truly amused at her moody sister getting her comeuppance.
"Twist my braid up and hold it in place with this." -Dis didn't comment on the conversation of the sisters. She gave Valdís a golden bead that had the Longbeard sigil on it.
"Beautiful…" the blonde girl mused and turned the braid in three tight circles, leaving a long tail to rest above Dis' shoulder. Then she secured it's end with the golden bead.
"Kárunn, bring here some dresses you don't use anymore." Dis ordered.
"I assure you my lady that I don't have any spare ones. But even if I did, I would never give them to a bastard, an abomination of nature!" Kárunn hissed.
Dis turned and glared her at her so coldly that the ashen haired girl backed up. "Go and tell your father that I will not be requiring your services anymore. Valdís and Eilin are a more amiable company for me."
Kárunn frowned and opened her mouth to answer many nasty things, but the status of the haughty Princess stopped her. She clenched her fists tight and her nose flared as she spat between her teeth. "Very well my lady."
Dis raised her brow. "What are you still doing here then, go." She dismissed Kárunn.
The older daughter of Fain bowed, but she made sure to crash the door thoroughly upon its hinges when she left.
"I am sorry about my sister…her attitude today was out of line," Valdís tried to mend things.
"Yours was too, but for different reasons," Dis's haughtiness was coming out in waves.
"I hope you didn't take what I said about our honourable King as anything more than female silliness," Valdís was looking at her hands truly embarrassed.
"I am used to women pining over my brooding brother, but I shall not withstand discriminatory comments towards anyone. Your sister needs to be reprimanded for her attitude towards this poor girl." Dis frowned at Valdis' reflection in the mirror.
"Forgive her my lady and forgive me." Valdís bowed her head respectfully.
"You are forgiven, your sister is not. Now allow me some peace of mind!" Dis rejoined.
Valdís bowed deeply again and made to leave, but Dis' solemn voice stopped her as she was putting her hand on the handle. "Before you go, I need you to bring me some of your dresses and a pair of boots. I also want this girl to be cleaned thoroughly. She cannot enter my service without looking pristine."
"Of course my lady." -Valdis bowed and then beckoned the girl with her hand- "Come Eilin."
Eilin hesitated to move.
"Didn't you hear my orders girl?" Dis' glare was strict on Eilin.
The maiden nodded and walked quickly towards the door, but a heavy rap on it stopped her.
"Enter," Dis said.
The door opened and a young lieutenant of Fain's royal guards came in. He took off his helmet and bowed to the ladies. "Greetings my ruler," he said respectfully from his inclined position.
"Let the formalities for another time my Lord. You bring news from Erebor?" she trailed off feeling her heart palpitating.
He looked up and her heart quickly sank at the darkness that loomed in his eyes. "Indeed my lady."
"Then speak!" she ordered and took several unsteady steps towards him.
"Erebor has been reclaimed and Smaug has been slain. Our troops are inside the mountain and around the perimeter, keeping the Lonely Mountain and the city of Dale secure." The soldier said.
She should have felt relieved upon those news, but it was as if something was stopping her.
"Rejoice!" Valdís clapped.
"Shush your mouth!" -Dis raised her hand and approached the soldier- "You have more to say…" she whispered.
"Yes, my Lady." The man lowered his eyes. She saw perspiration breaking on his forehead and her stomach squeezed as if preparing for the blow.
"Who fell?" she exhaled and felt the colour draining from her cheeks at that certainty.
"Kili your son my Lady, I am sorry." The man kneeled down and bowed in respect.
Dis felt her knees unlocking and the world dimming away quickly. "Kili is dead?" she whispered. She grabbed the back of the chair and Eilin rushed to steady her.
"Yes, my Lady" the man repeated sorrowfully.
"Fili, is he…" -she felt her voice weak and her mind stupidly slow. Her tongue seemed to be slurring out the words, not truly forming them. Eilin's hands were firm around her waist.
"Alive my Lady, but wounded. Master Dain says the wounds of the Prince are not fatal," the man looked up eager to see the face of the Princess taking up courage in these news, but it didn't.
Her exhalation sounded muffled in her ears and the world was coming in and out of focus. Eilin attempted to make her sit, but Dis shook her head. "No, leave me!" -she cried. Then she drew her hand away from Eilin and wiped off the perspiration on her upper lip- "My brother?" she asked and the trepidation made her hands shake almost uncontrollably.
The soldier pressed his lips and lowered his eyes again. "The King is mortally wounded my Lady." He said with a low voice betraying his own sadness.
Dis was unable to stop the anguished sob that tore through her chest. "No...no..." she stuttered and tried to find someone to hold onto as she was coming apart. Her fingers traced the outline of the chair's back as her legs were unable to hold her up anymore and Eilin led her to it, with eyes full of dread.
"I am so sorry my Lady." Valdís whispered with teary eyes.
"Get out all of you!" Dis cried and clutched her temples painfully.
"I am at your service my Lady," the man said and bowed deeply before leaving the room. Valdís closed the door silently behind her.
Eilin made to leave also, but Dis' heavy hand grabbed her forearm. "Not you" she whispered and felt the tears falling from her eyes heavy and hot. Her heart was screaming in pain at the loss of her son and the possibility of losing her brother also. The news that Fili was still alive did little to soothe her pain. She couldn't break down now in front of strangers. She needed to be next to her family. That was the most important thing. It took her several moments to gather back all the threads that the soldier's words had unraveled, but when she spoke again her voice was firm. "Call the Lieutenant back in," she said to the red headed girl who ran to fulfil the princess' orders.
"My Lady..." the soldier entered and came down to one knee.
"How many days to Erebor by horse?" she asked without opening her eyes. Her fingers were twisted painfully around the back of her chair, trying to ground her here as her heart had already fled to the Lonely mountain.
"A week, my Lady"
"By river?"
"Two days the most, but the waters are dangerous," the man tried to warn.
"Ask Master Fain for a boat and provisions for two days. I will need an experienced guide and this girl with me. I need all this ready by tomorrow morning." Her voice sounded collected and commanding even though her soul was melting inside a dark pool of anguish and despair.
"You cannot cross these waters alone without an army around you my Lady. These lands are crawling with retreating Orcs." The man tried to reason.
"You speak with wisdom, but my heart is already with my family. Heed my orders immediately. I shall expect to depart first thing in the morning." She forced herself to open her eyes and then she gazed over at the man haughtily.
"I will ask for a small platoon to escort you there myself, my Lady." He bowed to the ground.
"Very well." Her chin tilted upwards nobly, but her trembling fingers tightened around Eilin's forearm betraying how much she truly needed the support.
"Men Ezbad!" the ginger haired soldier bowed once more in respect and left them.
When the door closed behind them Dis covered her mouth and kept her breath trapped, because she feared it was her last one and if she lost it she would be dead too. Some tears cascaded down her cheeks as she didn't feel any hesitations on breaking down in front of this outcast who was holding her hand so firmly.
As every loving image of her son Kili assaulted her mind she felt her body sliding off the chair. She kneeled heavily upon the floor, finally releasing all the pain in her heart with gut retching wails that were barely controlled behind her shaking fingers. A hand caressed the back of her head and a surprisingly melodic voice spoke close to her ear. "I am sorry for your loss my Lady".
Dis covered her face and broke down completely not caring that she was showing her most intimate emotions to a strange girl she had met only a week ago. All she could think of was getting quickly to Erebor in order to bury her beloved Kili and embrace her valiant Fili. Hoping against all hope to find her wolf alive. She couldn't lose anybody else...she just couldn't!
She couldn't handle anyone else dying...enough...she had seen enough deaths...just enough!
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