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*Under mountain, under stone
"Everyone is ready, laddie." Balin's sombre voice turned Thorin's countenance a tone darker.
He nodded, but he didn't take his eyes away from the fireplace. "My sister?"
"She will be escorted by Fili and her ladies in honour." Balin cast his eyes down, but Dwalin's gaze remained on his friend.
Eilin looked quickly at the King and her heart pinched her as a clouded frown overburdened her beautiful dark ginger eyebrows. Ever since she was called to his service this dreadful afternoon she just couldn't keep her eyes away from him, for more than one reasons. This kind of reaction felt so strange to her that she was half way out of her body. Her eyes looked at his heavy royal blue coat and at his long warrior braids resting on its thick fur. The silver plated vest underneath was sparkling with the brightness of the fire which burned at the hearth as did the metallic square corners of his boots. Around his head was a golden Coronet that had two ravens carved amongst geometrical patterns. It's flat shiny surface was visible only on his noble forehead and then it got buried under his thick hair that twisted around it in well formed braids drawn from his temples.
His Raven Crown was still on his desk abandoned and yet even this simple Coronet bespoke clearly for the first time in Eilin's eyes of Thorin's true stature amongst all the other Dwarves of Erebor. The true King of the Lonely Mountain was in front of her, but there was something missing from his imposing countenance and that something made her heart complain. Every time she gazed at his beautiful azure eyes she saw their sparkle missing. The breathtaking fire she had seen burning in them several times, which always unnerved her was gone today. He had been sitting in that elaborate and heavy armchair after coming out of his room dressed like the illustrious King of Erebor that everybody was expecting and his eyes hadn't moved from the hearth once. No matter how many times his friends had addressed him, he had responded few and Eilin had to bite back the need to check on him even though her mind was chastising her for that silliness. She cast a brief look at him feeling partially guilty about her inappropriate thoughts. Their King was burying his beloved nephew today and there she was unwillingly mooning over her need to make his lips break a small smile.
"Will you wear it?" -Balin's voice broke the heavy silence. He had taken the Crown from the desk and was holding it in front of Thorin- "The Coronet you used to wear as a Prince is hardly enough anymore. You are the King now my lad."
He pushed it aside with a look of disdain Eilin didn't miss and shook his head. "Put that damned thing somewhere I cannot see it."
Balin sighed in defeat and gave his brother an eloquent look. "As you wish my boy."
Eilin saw the disappointment on the old advisor's demeanour.
Dwalin crossed his arms and looked protectively at his friend as silence fell on them like a dark blanket once more. After a long time were no one seemed to move lest they bothered the King's brooding thoughts, a knock on the door made Eilin jump out of her skin and Balin jerk nervously. Dwalin motioned at her to open it as Thorin remained totally impassive.
Gloin's thick ginger beard made its appearance before his head did. Then his clever eyes fell on Balin who shook his head discreetly. Dwalin pressed his lips as Gloin opened the door and spoke quietly. "We have a small group from Dale that has come to honour the dead Prince, Uzbâd."
Thorin's empty eyes lifted up to his treasurer and his lips twitched. "Bring them in." His naturally baritone voice, sounded so rough and unused that it made Eilin's hair stand on electrified attention.
Gloin left immediately and they heard some quiet talking from the corridor.
"Do you think it's a good idea to do this now son?" The care on Balin's voice was clear but made no impression on Thorin who cast his eyes at the fire again.
Balin looked troubled at Dwalin who bit his lips and released a breath he had been holding.
Eilin could understand their worry. What was happening now didn't have to do with the ailment on the King's body, but what was taking place inside his heart and that was something no one could penetrate unless the King himself allowed them.
The voices outside stopped and the door reopened. Gloin entered with Bard and two young ladies carrying an intricate flower design on two deep silver platers. All were dressed as impeccably as the destruction of their property allowed, but the effort was not lost under Thorin's heavy scrutiny. "Good evening." He acknowledged.
Bard kneeled down and so did the girls. "King Oakenshield."
Thorin felt his throat drying out and his eyes welling up quickly with unbidden tears. He didn't know how he was going to make it through this accursed afternoon. He pulled his gaze quickly away and looked at the fire once more. That was the safest place to keep his slowly boiling emotions at bay. "To what do we owe the pleasure?" He asked quietly.
Bard looked up. "I thought long and hard if it was appropriate to bother you in your time of woe, but the need to thank you about what you did for us made my decision easier. That and the demand of the citizens of Dale to be here for you today in some manner."
"Thank you." Came the defeated answer.
Bard looked at his hands thoughtfully. "I personally wanted to thank you for returning to me the emeralds of my forefather Girion. You acted nobly towards us and we want to reciprocate your gesture in every possible way."
Thorin shook his head absently. "There is no need."
"Please allow us to honour the death of Prince Kili. We don't have anything more to offer than these flowers unless we return part of the treasure you offered us, but we would like to be present when you lay this brave warrior to rest under..."
"… mountain, under stone." Thorin's deep voice echoed in the room and he had to close his eyes in order to stop his tears. An iron fist wrapped around his emotions which threatened to ran amok. He inhaled deeply and prayed for strength.
Balin offered a guarded look to Dwalin who nodded in understanding and approached discreetly to stand closer to Thorin.
"Are we allowed to attend the funeral as your people Thorin?" Bard looked at him with a clear face that bespoke of honesty.
"For the sake of your forefathers, say yes laddie." Balin whispered, feeling deeply affected.
Thorin turned his desolate look at Balin and remained silent for what seemed forever. Then finally he turned at Bard who was looking at him openly. "Let Gloin lead you to the burial chamber Mayor."
Bard stood up and so did the girls who didn't dare look at the King at all. "Thank you."
Thorin nodded and turned his eyes to the fire again. His large hand dismissed Dale's emissaries and silence fell heavy once more around them. No one dared move or speak for the longest of times and it was only the huge golden bell's first chime that made Thorin look up once more and Eilin had the opportunity to see the dread in his eyes briefly before the curtains of emptiness fell back once again.
Balin uncrossed his arms and his face darkened. "We must away son. They are about to begin."
Dwalin offered Thorin his hand, but the King dismissed it half heartedly. On the bell's second chime he opened the door of his office. On the bell's third chime he was walking in front of everybody taller and prouder than Eilin had ever seen him, his limp almost invisible under his heavy military tempo. As the bell chimed a fourth time their grim progression appeared on the lonely hallway which led to the circular burial vaults. Solemn faces were observing the Royal family from the dark shadows in woeful silence and their candles sparkled like stars in the darkness of the cold caverns of those ancient times. On the bell's fifth chime Thorin entered the circular room and everybody kneeled down in respect, even his sister who was being supported by Fili on one side and by Fain's daughters on the other.
He nodded at all the attendants curtly and took his place next to his sister. Everybody stood up and the sixth and final chime of the bell gave the signal for the burial to begin.
Thorin felt an air of complete heartbreak and hopelessness coming from Dis, but he kept his heavy stare at Kili's elevated tomb. He had been cleaned and dressed like a Prince. His bow along with a golden arrow was placed upon his chest. Thorin's eyes flickered shut as a grim parade of loving relatives and friends began paying their respects to the dead. When a low lament filled the room, his heart erupted with immeasurable sadness. He looked at his nephew's pale face as everyone bowed in front of his boy and time floated by him. He was totally unwilling to draw his eyes away from Kili's deathbed even though the burden was bending him out of shape. When Tauriel approached and kneeled heavily before even making it to the tomb, Thorin leaned close to Dwalin and whispered. "Go help her."
Dwalin quickly reached the broken She-elf and gently led her to her one true love. Her tears didn't leave anyone unaffected as she fell on top of Kili and kissed his clear brow, staining it with her tears. Then her hand touched his and she whispered something to his ear that no one was able to hear. When Dwalin escorted her away her legs buckled and he had to lead her to some free benches at the side of the cavern in order to make sure she wouldn't collapse.
The song was joined by the common people who were outside the vault and Dain's soldiers thus creating a lamentation that made the very stones of Erebor weep. Thorin managed to keep his chest square, his eyes dry and his heart squeezed under a merciless iron grip up till Dis opened her mouth and her crystal voice joined in. It raised above the rest so broken with grief, but still so strong and proud that it was enough to release Thorin's hard kept tears. He felt his eyes overflowing so quickly that he almost choked.
When Dain and his commanders offered Kili a powerful series of battle cries in Khuzdul that shook the earth beneath their feet, Dis almost collapsed next to him. His hand reached out and pulled her in. She grabbed onto him like a barnacle and her sobs entered his blood stream, making adrenaline rush through his body. His eyes gave Fili the silent command to say goodbye to his brother.
The words of his beloved nephew -if there were any- sounded muffled in his buzzing ears which were thudding loudly with his elevated heartbeat. His sister's hand was curled around the fur of his lapels like an octopus and her face was buried in his royal vest. Her sobs were now bordering to hyperventilating, making it difficult for her to breathe. Fili returned and was ready to lead his mother to Kili, but Thorin shook his head and led her there himself. His steps were heavy as she dragged her feet behind her, totally unable to keep her body up. When they reached the elaborate grave his jawline flexed sternly. "Stand up woman and say goodbye to your son." The command was clear in his voice. His hand drew her up with a strength he didn't know he possessed and she borrowed courage from him. She steadied herself on Kili's stony bed and touched his brow and his lips lovingly.
He heard her words, but denied to take them in because he knew they would break him before he even got a chance to see his boy away. He looked at Kili's pale face and blue lips and another eruption of tears sprang from his eyes. He saw Dis collapsing and he picked her up with a low key moan of pain that he was unable to stop in time. Fili mercifully took part of her weight away from Thorin's broken body.
"Take her back son." Thorin told his nephew and remained there in front of Kili unable to draw his eyes away from his dead nephew.
For a long time he remained silent, observing him like a statue and no one dared to move around him. Only the lament of his sister was audible as everyone showed their quiet respect to the Royal family's anguish. Then his voice resounded imposing upon the round golden walls and everyone sprang in attention as if awoken from a deep reverie. "Prince Kili, son of Kilskjald and Princess Dis, grandson of Thrain and heir of Durin, rest well in the valley of the Kings. Sleep eternally, under mountain, under stone…." He lingered as the whole room repeated untied a thundering...
"UNDER MOUNTAIN, UNDER STONE."
"…forever proud of fighting courageously next to your comrades against the dark forces that roam these lands since Durin first walked this earth. Stand tall amongst your forefathers and help them rebuild the old kingdoms under Vala Aule's command. Even though you shall be solemnly missed by your close friends and family, we know that you rest well, son of Durin. Your bravery shall be forever carved on stone and written in the scrolls of our Elders. You shall never be forgotten." Then his voice broke. "Khaz torah rar azamar"** When he spoke those solemn words he kneeled respectfully in front of the grave.
The lament began again as he remained there with his eyes streaming and his heart aching. When he managed to pull himself up with difficulty his hand grasped Kili's cold one and a shuddering exhalation of defeat escaped his mouth. Then his brows furrowed as he felt the roundness of the stone under his fingers and he opened his bloodshot eyes to see the moonstone. The one that Dis had given to her son before they left for this unexpected journey. The one Kili gave to the She-elf. His lips pressed and his brows creased tightly as his fingers took the stone from Kili's stiff digits and tucked it deep into his palm.
When he returned next to his sister he felt empty and ready to collapse and yet he didn't. He remained as tall and commanding as ever, looking at Kili while four soldiers picked him up respectfully and placed him inside the stony tomb. When the lid was put in place his eyes veiled with the finality of it all. He could feel Dwalin touching shoulders with him, ready to steady him if needed. He could feel Balin's eyes burning his back and he felt Dis trembling next to him, but he was reduced only to silent tears. When the burial was mercifully over he preceded all of them, allowing Dis to be helped by Fili and Fain's daughters, to the grant dining hall where there was an honorary feast ready for the family and close friends of the deceased. The common people and Dain's soldiers retreated silently to their homes.
His body attended that dinner, but his mind was gone. He sat there next to his sister and Dain, patiently waiting for the dinner to be served and he didn't touch it. He tried to engage the polite conversations of Bard, Bilbo and Dori, but failed. He made an effort to join the camaraderie of Dain, Dwalin, Gloin and Nori, but gave up after a few words. He vaguely remembered Bofur asking if he could take Eilin at their table to give her a break, to which he agreed with a broken nod of disinterest. He heard the constant jabber of the daughters of Fain and offered his sister many despondent looks, which she avoided by closing her eyes. After a time he gave up completely on everyone. He just leaned back and shut his eyes, feeling his throat closed tight from a tension he never truly released not wanting to acknowledge to anyone that his head was aching, his eyes were burning and his soul was being torn apart.
When dinner was over he escorted his sister back to her rooms and denied thrice the company of Dwalin, Balin and Bilbo. He escaped up at the bastions for half the night and at the burial vaults for the other half. The morning found him snoring away all his fatigue till the afternoon and then avoiding as much to be around people as humanly possible for his commanding position in Erebor. The worried looks of Balin and Dwalin didn't ruffle his feathers, neither did the insistence of Bilbo nor the bleak outline of his maiden who kept watching him from the shadows. Three days passed like that with him haunting the isolated areas of Erebor and the vaults. Barely talking to anyone and drowning his sorrow in mead without telling anyone that he was attempting new alcohol consumption records while he was barely eating anything.
The fourth day found him in his sister's room after having another drunken session to make himself forget. It was the first evening after burying Kili that he decided to seek someone's company, but it didn't end well. Dis was even more withdrawn and encased in darkness than him. After entering her room and trying to talk to her, they ended up in cold silence which drew them straight into the night. Neither wanted to talk to the other, but neither was making an attempt to leave either. It was his defeated final attempt to approach her that set the demons loose in an explosion he should have expected long ago and came delayed, but with a vengeance strong enough to break him.
"Dis please look at me." He begged.
"I lost my son." She stammered and grasped her temples, unable to come to terms with the reality of her situation.
"Don't do this..." He made an attempt to approach her.
"I LOST MY SON! DAMN YOU THORIN!" She turned at him furiously, her hair coming undone under the blaze of her emotions.
He touched her shoulder softly and felt silent tears again, even though his heart was raging. "Please gerbil." -His voice pleaded- "I hurt as much as you do."
Her eyes spat fire on him. "NO YOU DON'T…."
He grabbed her upper arm then and shook her. "I do ... I raised the boy like a father...listen to me..."
Her face broke then and all the wrath vanished under a wave of desolation that tore his heart out of his chest. "How can I live like this Thorin? I can't…"
He pulled her close and she pushed him away and turned her back to him. "Don't touch me! I have so much anger towards you at this moment!" She hissed.
He didn't allow her the space she demanded. He pulled her onto his body and her back crushed on his torso causing him to groan loud enough to give her pause as it vaguely reminded her his mortal wound. "I have always been here for you. I will continue to be here for you, no matter how many times you might try to push me away."
She wrapped her arms around her stomach and doubled over with a wail that tore through the corridors of the sleeping Erebor. "I hate you for what you have done to me Thorin!" She howled.
"I am so sorry." He whispered and let her kneel down without removing her from his arms. He kneeled behind her, wrapping his enormous frame around her and allowed her to sob her pain away.
He leaned his forehead on the back of her head and rocked her gently. "Please forgive me for taking him away from you. Forgive me because I can never forgive myself."
Her arms came up and grabbed his forearms tightly. Her nails almost broke through his skin relating to him a clear message, which he longed to feel so much. "I love you..."
"Me too...more than life." He reassured her with a gentle kiss on the back of her head. He cradled her quietly as the sentinels outside her doors changed shifts and the rest of Erebor fell asleep. He kept murmuring words of comfort in her ear for a long time and only when her eyes were dry did he pull slightly back.
She animated and her fingers twisted around his sleeves, keeping a good hold of him. "Don't leave." She whispered.
He butted her shoulder. "I am not leaving, but you need to get in bed. You are shivering."
She nodded now blessedly empty from crying so hard and so long, unaware of the tornado that was boiling inside Thorin all this time. Even though she had found a way to vent her emotions, his remained dangerously trapped. She reassured him that she was going to be alright in the bathroom on her own. When she finished and came out with all her hair loose from her braids and down to her waist, he smiled sadly at her image.
"You haven't changed one bit" -He murmured wistfully and then looked at the bed- "Now come on, get in!"
She lay on it thankful that he was there and closed her eyes before he pulled the heavy quilt under her chin.
"Stay till I sleep." She whispered truly exhausted.
He caressed her hair gently. "I will."
She exhaled in relief and her nails dug in the skin of his palm. "I cannot bare to lose you and Fili. Promise me that nothing will happen to either of you."
He gave a grim nod at the window and his jawline tightened. If he tried hard enough he was able to hear the strong rainfall outside. "Nothing will happen gerbil, now sleep." His voice was hoarse.
"Promise me!" She gritted her teeth.
He leaned over and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. Then he rested his forehead on her temple and nodded. "I promise…sleep."
With that he felt her body deflating and remained there caressing her softly until her breath became steady. Then he turned off the lamp on her side table and made sure Dis was warm and comfortable. As the hard rainfall soaked the lands, he stood in front of her window overlooking gloomily the valley in front of Erebor and the only fire that was burning at Dale's Bell Tower. The soft sounds of deep sleep from Dis were not enough to cool down the fire her cries had awoken in his heart before. A fire that started when the lid of Kili's coffin was sealed and was burning more fierce with each passing day.
He remained silently brewing in deep darkness, feeling wrathful towards their family's grim fate for a long time. When suddenly his heart snapped like a twig in the dead of night under all the gathered pressure, he knew that nothing could stop him. Not the heavy weather beating the land mercilessly outside. Not his wound that was complaining constantly, not that maiden outside his sister's door who asked him what he needed the moment he stormed out. He marched at the stables, saddled his horse and dashed out in the rain with only one thing in mind. To empty his soul in any way possible or else he was certain he was going to lose his mind.
Eilin looked out at the heavy rain as the sentinels lifted their torches, barely catching a glimpse of his dark horse speeding down the main road. She moaned in frustration and her fists clenched. There he went and did it again and this time he didn't have his trusty bodyguard with him. He was alone like he had been back at Ravenhill. She remembered how she lost him that night at the hot springs and instantly decided not to make the same mistake twice. Hadn't she perchance followed him into a rainy darkness before? His dismissive voice when he told her to get out of the way didn't manage to deter her, not even for a single moment. He thought that she was there only to serve his sister, didn't he? Well, she was going to prove that she was equally loyal to him, if she hadn't done that already. She stomped her foot down irritated and looked at the small ponies of the guards. "Can I borrow one?" She asked courageously. She was not going to lose his tracks tonight...no! She was his maiden and tonight she was going to make him believe it!
The guard looked at her bewildered under his heavy helmet. Her small stature and her hairless face were not telling of the courage she was showing at that moment. The guard shook his head. "Sure, but I want her back unharmed!" He said when he didn't see her backing away.
"I'll take care of her, don't worry." She mounted the pony quickly and kicked its flanks forgetting that she was not wearing anything to protect her from the cold, but her service clothes.
"Her name is Ain!" The guard yelled after her.
She lifted her hand in acknowledgment and pressed the pony hard. She couldn't see a sign of the King, therefore she had to rely on tracking his horse's hooves as quickly as she could before the rain erased them from the muddy ground.
Thorin's left arm dropped defeated at his side and he looked at the tree he had been hacking vexed beyond count. The rain cascaded in steady rivulets down the lines of worry the years had etched on his handsome face and his tears mingled with them. He lifted his left arm with a groan of suffering that was lost in the wilderness of the forest and tightened his jawline. His body undertook a smooth attack he knew how to perform in perfection and his left arm drove the axe deep into the bark of the tree. The strong vibration tore through his wound like a fresh sword and he cried out in anguish which was both physical and emotional. His right hand enveloped his stomach protectively and he felt his knees buckling. He tried to breathe deeply, but each breath expanded his already bruised torso and that felt like torture. His breathing was shallow and urged him to let all this madness go and give himself a break, but he didn't want to give up. He didn't even remember how long he had been standing there wielding the random war axe he found at the stables on this poor tree with the wounded side of his body. Emptying all his emotions upon that bark with a wrath that bordered to insanity.
Feeling more angry and despondent with each useless hack he drove himself further into exhaustion and pain. He raised his left arm again with a moan of pain and fed his anger by images of how he used to be, of his family's peak in Erebor, of Kili being alive and of Siv…..of Siv smiling at him with the hope of their true love one day becoming official... and each image send adrenaline rushing through his veins and raised his pained arm again and again in a desperate need to bring down the tree, as if that would be the solution to all his problems. The axe fell repeatedly, but each strike became weaker and weaker until he couldn't even lift it anymore.
"STOP IT!" The unexpected voice startled him and when he swished around, his mouth twitched in confusion at seeing his maiden alighting her pony and running at him with an urgency that numbed him.
He felt the heaviness of the axe almost unbearable. His knees buckled and he kneeled on the ground defeated.
"For Mahal's sake what are you trying to do to yourself!" She exclaimed and kneeled quickly in front of him.
He found himself unable to speak or take his eyes away from this woman. Her desperate hands flew to his heavy buckle and undid it with an imperativeness he couldn't find the strength to argue against. She threw his vest open and her hand got buried under it and covered his bandage with a protectiveness that made him inhale sharply. His hand opened up and the axe fell with a muted thumb on the wet ground.
"I knew I shouldn't have left you alone since the day of the funeral! Why are you doing this to yourself?!" Her green eyes asked him with the same intensity that her voice was betraying, forgetting any kind of formalities in view of his wretched state.
His hand flew above hers with the intention of tearing it away from his body, but the softness of her skin under his palm and the decisiveness with which she had approached him, gave him pause and she felt it.
"Let me help you, please." She tried again.
His azure eyes seared into her very soul and he opened his mouth to speak, but found that no words were coming out. His tight fingers softened above hers and instead of drawing her hand away, he pushed it on his wound almost with hatred. His groan rumbled through her skin and tore tears from her eyes. His head bowed and his eyes closed.
"Don't do this, let me help you." Her soft voice found him once more with a gentleness that made his heart complain mildly against it.
A small improbable smile broke at the side of his lips and he shook his head. "Eilin Firebeard follows me into the wild darkness once more?"
Her fingers tightened around his wound firmly. "I am as loyal to you as I am to your sister my Lord, even though you might not believe it."
He felt a wide load of his tension dissipating to the wet ground under his knees. "Trying to prove yourself worthy young lady? There is no need." He whispered.
"I am actually trying to help you." Her eyes were burning the top of his head.
"Are you now?" He looked up and she saw his exhaustion.
She nodded eagerly.
"Do you think you are helping me right now?" He asked with a frown and his hand tightened around hers making the muscles of her stomach taut.
"I am trying Sir. I am doing my best, but you disconcert me. I don't know if I am doing the right thing..." Her voice sounded as uncertain as her words were.
"You are helping, more than you think." He felt his lips upturning in a ghostly smile.
She exhaled a whole bout of unease and lowered her eyes. "I almost didn't make it out here, so you'd know. You almost ran over me with your horse..." She informed him feeling his acceptance elating her heart.
He chuckled. "Did I fail to do you in?"
She looked up shocked.
"I'll aim better next time, promise." He raised his brows.
Her silence was almost deafening.
"I am only joking." He closed his eyes and shook his head.
Her mouth closed up with an audible click and her intense eyes withdrew from him quickly. "Sorry Sir, I am not used to taking in jokes very well." She sounded regretful.
He frowned silently.
"Most of the times jokes like these ended up becoming a reality for me in the past, Sir." She hurried to explain.
He felt his back rippling with apprehension. "I am sorry for making such an inappropriate joke at you Eilin, I was not aware."
"It's okay Sir." She smiled.
He raised his brow. "Were these threats delivered by my kin?"
She shook her head. "No."
He frowned. "Were you unfortunate enough to come across such incidents more than once?"
"So many that I cannot remember anymore." Her voice fell.
His expression darkened. "I am sorry."
She felt her back rippling with waves of gratefulness and her stomach exploded with a warmth she had never felt before. Her eyes seared into his and her fingers moved protectively above his bandage as time stood absolutely still around them. Then her free hand came shyly up and cupped his with a gentleness that sucked all the air out of his lungs.
"I am fine Sir. A King shouldn't worry about a maiden." Her words and her smile were both encouraging.
The tenderness with which this girl had approached him during this forlorn night didn't leave him unaffected and if it wasn't for the strong rumble of a thunder they wouldn't have pulled away from each other quickly.
She fell back and landed on her behind with a yelp of fear and he sat on his calves.
"Shit!" She cursed.
He raised his brow sternly.
She cupped her mouth feeling abhorred. "I am so sorry Sir! That came out of nowhere!"
"Don't let my etiquette-borderline-lunatic advisor catch you with those phrases or you'll be in serious trouble. Unless my sister finds them out sooner." He was only half serious and of course she missed the tease once more.
"I am so sorry." She muttered, feeling rather flustered.
"It's okay. Now we share a secret each." He raised his brow.
She frowned.
"You know about my nightmares and I know about your inappropriate use of language." His lips cracked a lopsided smile.
She reciprocated timidly. "I suppose we do, Sir."
"I won't say anything if you don't." He continued with the same partially playful tone.
"I won't!" She was quick to respond and he laughed openly at her enthusiasm.
After all that emotional turmoil of Kili's funeral he found himself more than willing to loosen up under her awkwardness. She felt like good ale running down his throat, warming his extremities. "Eager as always…" He whispered and tried to push himself up.
She offered her hand. "Shall I help you, Sir?"
He waved her away. "I can manage."
She cringed and gazed around her apprehensively. "So you think maybe we should return to Erebor?"
He looked around also and his lips twisted. "Too dark and menacing for you?"
She flicked her shoulders. "A little."
He offered her a quick nod. "Come on." -He said and walked towards their horses. Then in afterthought he looked above his shoulder at her- "It must have taken a lot of courage to come after me in this wilderness." He noticed and pulled his heavy coat from the horse's back.
"Not really, it was just an instinctive need to protect the one I serve." She said nonchalantly.
His lips turned down sadly. "This has been a very hard day and it must end. Mount up and let's go."
"What is this place anyway sir, if you don't mind me asking." She went to her pony.
He raised his tired eyes at her. "The old royal training grounds."
She looked around her mesmerised. "It looks…"
"…abandoned for more than a century. I am surprised the pillars are still standing. Dwalin did a great job at raising them."
She smiled and averted her eyes, suddenly embarrassed for no reason.
He noticed that she was visibly trembling and only then did he realise how underdressed she was for this harsh weather. "Come here." His hand called her over.
She approached carefully.
He offered her his coat with a deep sigh. "Here." Nevertheless she didn't make a move towards it.
"I can't take it sir. You need it more than I do." She rejoined and he felt a rare spark of protectiveness, he hadn't felt in ages, igniting in him. He observed her worried face streaming with rain and her wet hair sticking at the side of her rosy cheeks. Then his gaze escaped down to her waist were her long red mane was covering her forearms.
Without any thought of propriety -as this evening it seemed to have flown away from him- he reached out and took her frozen hand. Then he placed the coat firmly in her palm. "Don't make this more complicated than it is already becoming." He whispered and averted his eyes from her.
She closed her mouth and swallowed heavily.
"Wear it and let's go." He said and got busy tying down his ropes as her soft steps walked away from him. He exhaled in relief and leaned his forehead on his saddle needing to gather himself only for a moment.
"Come on Ain." Her voice made him look up at her. His coat was pooling at the muddy ground and looked like a blanket around her body. She mounted her pony with some difficulty because of the weight of his wet coat and looked back at him.
He felt the edge of his lips toying an uncertain smile and pulled himself up. "Ain?" He asked and urged his horse to gallop up to hers.
She gazed at him. "The guard told me her name. She is a rather exceptional animal and brave, don't you think? She rode fiercely through rain and wind with no hesitations whatsoever for such a small girl."
He smiled at her glowing expression when she looked at the small horse. "Much like yourself then."
She looked up at him shocked. "Myself?"
"Exceptional indeed." He deducted quietly and urged his stallion forth while she mused at him with her lips slightly parted for several moments before deciding to follow him.
Their pace back to Erebor was set by her pony and he didn't try to lead. Instead he allowed his horse to walk quietly next to hers as they decided to remain in comfortable silence. When they reached the gates he gave his horse to one of the guards to lead it down to the stables and she gave Ain back to a very grateful guard who tried to avoid looking at the maiden wearing the King's coat.
Thorin walked back to his room and she followed quietly without even thinking of taking off his coat or going to her rooms. It seemed inevitable that she was going to see him to his bed no matter his own wishes. When the door closed behind them she remained next to it with her eyes cast to the floor. There in the safety and the warmth of his domain she felt the courage that had overflowed her at the forest, fading away.
"Know that your empathy and kindness were not lost in me tonight, Eilin Firebeard." He said after a few silent moments.
She felt her eyes watering suddenly. "My honour to assist you, Sir."
"Once more." He said thoughtfully
"As many times as you need." She retorted steadily.
He nodded reflectively. "More and more am I able to witness what it is my sister saw in you young lady. Thank you for risking your life tonight to help me."
She shook her head and wiped the tears his thoughtful words evoked, away. "I would have done the same for your sister my King."
"Of that I am certain." He smiled softly.
She slowly took off his heavy coat and placed it on a spare chair. Then her hands wiped away the wetness that still dribbled down her face from the downpour outside. "Shall I bring you something to eat, Sir?"
He drew his eyes away from her with difficulty. "No, but you can help me change my wound, but first you will pour me a cup of ale. It's at the side table."
She did as she was told and tried hard not to look at him as he took off his vest and tunic. Suddenly the same feeling of hyperventilation and quick heartbeat she had felt at the forest returned a thousandfold. She served him a cup and brought it over. "Here you are Sir." She curtsied.
His hand reached out to take it, but hesitated momentarily. Then as if changing his mind he took the bottle from her other hand and pushed the cup away. "This is for you. Drink it, you are freezing." His voice sounded gentle and it was meant so in order to calm her down, but he managed quite the opposite.
"Drink while I am on duty Sir? No of course not..." She hurried to place the cup down somewhere, but his grave voice stopped her.
"Drink it, that's an order. I won't send you back to Dis with blue lips." He said and gulped down the contents of the bottle.
Prior to all this, drinking alcohol in front of the King would have sounded ridiculous if not dangerous to her, but right at this moment, under his blessings she tasted the ale once before emptying the whole cup down, feeling her frozen extremities trembling beyond control. Thankful she felt for any kind of warmth it could provide her with...or any thread of courage. "Thank you, my Lord." She forced herself not to smile too widely.
Thorin wiped his mouth from the drink and gave her back the empty bottle. Then he undid his wet bandage and looked down at his wound expecting to see it bloody and open in places, but saw nothing more than the ugly scar.
"Shall I do your back, Sir?" Her eyes fluttered as she felt a sudden wave of dizziness coming over.
Her voice made him cringe and he looked up at her. He shook his head dismissively. "No, tonight you will do the whole thing yourself, young lady. I am too messed up to help you."
He saw her going for the ointment, but the heat of the room had enhanced his own dizziness. Feeling empty of all tension after his turbulent explosion at the training grounds and the generous session of her comforting attempts he simply closed his eyes intending to do absolutely nothing to help her. She knew how to do this well, she wanted to assist him, so he was easy on letting work alone. A small smile appeared on his lips as she approached, but this time something was different. He felt the hesitation across him and he cracked his eyes open slightly to see her wavering. "What's wrong?"
Her lips parted as her eyes were gazing at his stomach with dread. "I don't think I can help you, Sir...I ...I..." Her voice cracked with an unbidden sob and suddenly her frozen fingers reached out and grabbed his forearm for support.
He tensed immediately. "What do you mean?"
"I don't think I feel so good, my Lord." She stammered.
"What?" He had barely asked the question, when she fainted right there in front of his feet.
Then it was just him looking down at her stupidly. "Oh, great. Just great." He bit through his teeth.
He took the remaining alcohol and splattered it on his hands. Then he kneeled next to her and rubbed it on her cheeks. "Come on, wake up." His large palm cupped the side of her face and he frowned at how small her head looked in comparison to his hand. He checked on her pulse and making sure that she was alright he picked her up with great difficulty and carried her to the recliner that was next to the door.
When he leaned her gently down he observed that her neck was twisted abnormally because her long hair were trapped behind her back. The image of Siv's broken neck flashed so quickly before his eyes that he grabbed his head and groaned in hot objection. It took him several moments to return his eyes on Eilin and quickly he released her trapped hair and let them fall to the floor.
"I am going to drive myself crazy…" He muttered and and sat down next to her. His hesitation to touch her the second time was much more intense and when he finally began rubbing what remained of the ale on the inside of her elbows and neck he felt that their situation was becoming absolutely absurd.
The soft knock on his door sent shivers of apprehension down his spine. "Oh, hell..." He looked up quickly.
The door opened up slightly and Bilbo peeped in. "It's me. Are you awake?"
He closed his eyes relieved. "Yes, unfortunately."
"I couldn't sleep, may I come in?"
Thorin raised his brow. "You are already in." He rejoined and gazed despondently at Eilin.
Bilbo entered and closed the door behind him. Then he looked at the weird scene in front of him. The unconscious girl at the recliner and a half naked Thorin above her and he inhaled sharply. "Oh…I think I …I came at a wrong time then? Shall I…you know… go?" He pointed at the door eagerly.
Thorin pursed his lips sourly. "Don't be ridiculous Bilbo. She fainted just as she was helping me change my wound and I cannot get her to wake up."
Bilbo touched his chest in relief and closed his eyes. "Oh, thank heavens! I thought I caught you in the midst of heat."
Thorin raised his brow at the ceiling and looked at Bilbo moodily. "Really now?"
Bilbo pressed his lips. "Stupid of me, I know."
Thorin humphed and stood up. The need to do anything than sit half naked above this girl was immense. "If I was in the midst of heat the door would have been locked my dear Bilbo, believe me."
Bilbo approached Eilin and slapped her gently. "So what did you do to her to cause her this..."
Thorin looked up sharply and placed his hands on his waist not knowing what to do with himself at that moment. "I assure you nothing!"
Bilbo giggled. "You look like a dwarfling caught with his hand in the candy jar even though you declare the opposite."
Thorin's eyes thinned and so did his lips. "I am not in the mood to be teased." He warned.
Bilbo didn't seem to care so much. "And there I thought that Dwarves were made out of stone when it concerned women. It doesn't look like that now!" He smirked knowingly.
Thorin tied a fresh bandage as best as he could around himself and put on a dry tunic. "You are truly out to piss me off, aren't you?"
Bilbo sat next to the girl and unscrewed a small bottle of mead he was carrying. "I don't want to piss you off, but everyone thinks that Dwarves are very cold towards their females. Of course one knows these are probably fables, but one cannot deny they are sometimes enjoyable." He placed the bottle under Eilin's nose.
"Do enlighten me of these delightful stories." Thorin pursed his lips.
"Of course you have heard of them yourself. Dwarves rarely get married, they don't mate and they are not born from wombs, but from stone…so their hearts are made out of stone and to..." Bilbo said.
"…to stone they shall return when they die, yes yes…" Thorin waved him off.
Bilbo chuckled. "I don't see anything stone-like from you now in view of this dwarrowdam's distress..." He noticed.
"These stories that are spread about my kin from those elvish sissies, must come to an end. I don't find them amusing at all." He sounded cross.
"Nevertheless they are partly true. You people don't marry often." Bilbo took Eilin's hand and began rubbing it gently as she began coming to.
Thorin looked at her fluttering eyelids and sighed. "Maybe things ran deeper than some people imagine."
Bilbo raised his brow. "What do you mean?"
Thorin's eyes were reflective. "Master Baggins the world thinks that Dwarves are born from stone and to stone they must return. Shall we let them believe that or tell them the truth? That we love only once and it lasts forever and do you believe that is a blessing or a curse?"
Bilbo cringed. "So bad, is it?"
Thorin nodded. "If our love is not answered or we befall in unfortunate circumstances then we are usually doomed to a life of loneliness, thus the rarity of marriages in my kin." His voice turned almost choleric.
"That sounds awful." Bilbo rejoined with a heavy frown.
Thorin shook his head. "It is the most tormenting curse anyone can go through." He spat with sudden fury that crawled all over his skin. His knuckles flexed almost painfully and he didn't withdraw his glowering eyes from his friend until the soft voice of Eilin sucked the affliction away from him in an almost magical manner.
"Did I faint again?" She looked around her confused.
Thorin inhaled deeply and drew back, only then realising how much he had darkened back there towards Bilbo.
With a final look of worry at Thorin, Bilbo turned to her. "Again? You mean this has happened to you before?"
She nodded and pushed herself up feeling lightheaded. "It happens sometimes."
"And you never thought of informing me about that small problem beforehand..." Thorin said still feeling the aftershocks of what had taken place.
She looked at him and bowed. "I am sorry it happened in front of your Majesty."
Bilbo cringed. "Don't scare her...look at the poor girl, she is trying to get a grip."
Thorin crossed his arms and his lips ghosted a smile. "Do you feel better?"
His eyes felt kind and considerate and that warmed her up inside. "Yes, definitely better my Lord."
"Maybe that drink made you worse?" An afterthought made Thorin's brow wrinkle.
She pursed her lips regretfully. "Sometimes alcohol tends to intensify my fainting spells, my Lord."
"You really should've warned me." He pursed his lips sternly.
"I am sorry." She looked downcast.
Thorin offered her a prolonged mystical look before saying something totally unexpected. "So, you want another drink?"
She inhaled sharply.
Bilbo raised his brows up to his hairline. "Want to make her faint again?" He asked the King.
"She looked rather peaceful whilst out and I want to see a repetition. When she is awake she is an awkward bundle of nervousness and instant regret." Thorin's eyes remained on her way too long.
She opened up her mouth and then closed it, not knowing what to say.
Bilbo chuckled. "Stop winding her up..."
"Are you teasing me again, Sir?" She frowned in disbelief.
Thorin smirked. "Most certainly."
Bilbo's mouth formed a surprised half smile. "Right! Now I really feel I am unwanted and I should go..." He pointed towards the door.
Eilin looked at him shocked. "Of course not Sir. It's just that the King sometimes likes to joke around me. I think he finds my lack of humour funny."
Thorin shook his head. "I just enjoy your awkwardness, Eilin Firebeard. Maybe a little too much because of the ale, but I mean no harm rest assured."
Bilbo looked at her with a clever smile. "He's just poking you to get a reaction. He's got that tendency when he likes someone."
Thorin's brow rose and Eilin's mouth dropped open at that. "No matter how delightful this conversation has been for me, I must admit that it's time for us to part ways because it is becoming totally ridiculous from all of us, no exceptions made."
Bilbo stood up immediately. "Told you I had to leave! Now I am off to sleep."
Thorin raised his hand at him. "Not you..." -then he turned to Eilin- "It's this young lady that needs to withdraw."
She felt her stomach dropping in mild objection to her dismissal without understanding why. Did she actually want to remain with him? "Shall I help you with anything else before I retire, my Lord?"
He shook his head. "No, tonight you've acted far above your duty once again. Rest well."
She bend the knee and averted her eyes. "Goodnight your Majesty." Then she walked to the door, but his voice stopped her.
"Thank you for everything that you did." He said solemnly.
Her head turned slightly above her shoulder. "It was my pleasure, Sir." With that she opened the door and got lost into the darkness.
When the door closed it took them a few moments to speak again and Bilbo's dreamy voice made Thorin's azure eyes look up thoughtfully. "You do know there is a certain back and forth going on between you and this girl, don't you?"
He tilted his head in a silent question.
Bilbo stood up and cleared his throat. Then he marched up to Thorin thoughtfully and locked his thumbs at the armpits of his vest. "This thing between you and her... it looks vaguely like courting, you know…" He pointed at the door.
"That was me being polite to a woman who did something remarkable for me tonight." Thorin rebuked.
"Remarkable?" Bilbo frowned and Thorin inhaled deeply as he explained what happened tonight between them.
When he finished Bilbo shook his head in understanding. "Remarkable indeed and as you said far above her duties, nevertheless my friend I felt something between you that is not subliminal and forgive me for being so forthcoming."
Thorin fixed his beautiful eyes on Bilbo. "That is just poor interpretation of a totally innocent conversation." He smiled.
"Maybe I am not the one who is misreading things, but you..." Bilbo reasoned casually.
"If you think I've got the time to think about romance in the midst of hell then you are heavily disillusioned my friend." Thorin dismissed him.
"Time you may have not, but how about will?" Bilbo raised his brow at him.
"Will?" He frowned gravely.
"You've said that Dwarves only love once and it lasts forever. Maybe this is your once and forever." He flicked his shoulders playfully intending this as a light hearted tease, but he was unaware how close to home he was for comfort.
"No it is not." Thorin's back crawled.
"Why?" Bilbo continued down that playful path without expecting the haunting answer that came next from his friend.
"Because my once and forever has come and gone in a pile of rust and is now buried under a cold grave Bilbo. We'd better change the subject."
Bilbo's face fell in shock and his mouth slacked open. He didn't know what to answer to that and Thorin mercifully took him out of his misery.
"You've outwitted Smaug, yet I render you speechless?"
Bilbo swallowed heavily. "Smaug never broke my heart so unexpectedly."
Thorin inhaled and pointed at Bilbo's bottle. "Pour one for each, if there is any left and sit by the fire. Let's warm up and then rest. I tried to stay awake as long as I could, but I cannot anymore. I just cannot..." He sounded defeated emotionally and physically. Within a few moments his playfully carefree attitude became heavy and drew down Bilbo with him.
The last exchange of words between them was when Bilbo asked "What happened? Was it long ago?"
"Too faded away by centuries to be remembered, yet too vivid to ever forget." Thorin whispered and twirled the elegant glass with the amber liquid with his long fingers.
"How come I've never heard of this before?" Bilbo frowned.
"Few know." Thorin felt his eyes dozing off without him intending to sleep.
"Your family I suppose and…"
Thorin spoke over him. "...what remains of my family knows nothing."
Bilbo's mouth dropped open and he was at a loss for words.
Thorin's mouth offered him a small sad smile. "Let us retire my friend, because I am at the end of my tether tonight."
A/N:
** our souls are forever joined
-I am sorry for burying Kili for those of you that loved him -I loved him too-.
- Concerning some comments. I know this story may look unique or unconventional. Don't know yet if that is good or bad...we'll see. All few words of support mean a lot, especially when I am as tired as Thorin and tell myself I cannot continue. Thank you *.*
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