AN: This one is a little bit more on the serious side. Lighter events coming up on the horizon. I've never written a scene like this before, so...yeah. Thank you to everyone who has read, favorited, followed, and reviewed. I love you. Special thanks to iZoe, I'm pretty sure nobody's ever 'squeed' because of me before. Made me feel all gooey inside. :-)

Not Beta'd.

Chapter 7

The ornaments were a surprise. But they shouldn't have been. Her entire understanding of this family had been turned on its head since she'd gotten here. Not that she thought they were bad. She didn't. Maybe it was that she just hadn't thought that they could be so...normal. So...not fancy. She should have known. She really should have.

Every ornament on the tree was handmade, save the white lights that twinkled from between the branches. There were clothespin angels, pine cone Santas, and a construction paper gingerbread man with yarn for hair and glitter covering his crayon drawn clothes. There were pipe cleaner stockings and needlepoint poinsettias, a cross stitched nativity, Popsicle stick Rudolph heads, and coloring book pages that had been colored and cut out to be hung. Even the star was made from cardboard and tin foil.

Castle noticed that Kate seemed lost in thought (wonder?) as she watched them decorate the tree. He moved to stand at her side.

No touching.

He didn't trust his body to behave were they to touch.

His hands mostly. He didn't trust his hands.

"Alexis made that star when she was five," he informed her. "And she made most of the ornaments herself."

Kate looked at Alexis who was busy making sure the ornaments were evenly distributed around the tree. "Impressive." She regarded him with a raised eyebrow. "Most?"

He grinned proudly and pointed towards the tree. "Yeah, that pine cone Santa and that Popsicle stick Rudolph are all mine."

A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "Really Castle? All yours? You sure you didn't have any help?" She rubbed a hand down his forearm soothingly.

No touching. He had to clench his hands into tight fists to restrain them from wandering.

"Ah, Kate..." he swallowed, "No. Uh, no help with those.." He cleared his throat, "Ahem. I did them all on my own." He paused, sighed. "After watching Alexis put hers together." He leaned in close inhaling as his nose and mouth hovered just above her ear. His voice dropped so that only her ears could hear his next words, "And while I'm definitely open to getting your help, I'm going to have to ask you to wait until my mother and daughter aren't in the same room."

The hitch in her breathing and abrupt drop of her hand from his arm were exactly the sort of reaction her was going for.

Good.

Keep her on her toes.

Let her drive: determine speed, direction, etc., but keep her on her toes nonetheless.

"Right. Talk first. But Castle? Trying not to touch me, even in the smallest way, and then sniffing my hair...kinda negates the trying not to touch me thing... Doesn't it?" She smirked at him and stood to survey the tree from across the room heaving him gaping like a fish out of water. "Looks good, Alexis!" she called to the teen who was currently pacing in front of the tree.

Alexis looked back at Kate and beamed. "Really? You think so?" She walked back to where Kate was standing and looked at the tree again. "Oh! I think you're right."

Kate wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulder and gave her a quick squeeze (family, right?). "Of course I'm right. When will you Castles learn that?" She laughed and crossed in front of Castle to join Martha who had been in the kitchen preparing mugs of hot cider.

He made the mistake of inhaling again through his nose when she passed in front of him. Uhng. She was right. Not touching hadn't really done anything to help when he was constantly being reminded of her presence via her scent. Which wasn't exactly what she'd said, but still...

She was right.

She was sooooo right.

For him.

When the evening festivities came to a close and the last of the credits of The Muppet Christmas Carol had played through, they found themselves alone for the first time that day.

It really didn't have to be awkward.

But it was, in a way.

Kate felt like a teenager with secrets and a desperate need to both keep them locked up tight, but also to confess and set them flying. The truth would set her free. But what was her truth? And how much should she tell? As she changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth her body was just going through the motions on auto pilot, but her mind was going a million miles a minute.

"This is ridiculous." Castle appeared in the large mirror behind her, also brushing his teeth. It looked like he'd already changed too. How had she missed that?

She spit into the sink and sought his eyes in the mirror. "What's ridiculous?"

He grabbed her shoulders and shifted her to the right so that he could spit in the sink. Using the hand not gripping his toothbrush he motioned between them. "This. This is ridiculous. We haven't even started talking yet and you're on planet Xenon."

She shouldn't do it, he was being serious (when did the roles reverse?) but she couldn't stop her mouth before the words were out, "Xenon is a chemical element, Castle. Not a planet."

His eyes remained focused on hers in the mirror even as she looked away in embarrassment. "We're going to talk. I'm going to go back into the bedroom, light a fire so you won't get cold tonight, and when you're ready to join me, we'll talk. This is too important to me not to talk." He rinsed his toothbrush, put it away, rinsed his mouth, and squeezed her shoulder before leaning in to gently kiss her cheek. "Take your time."

Kate finished brushing her teeth, and sat on the closed toilet seat. Castle had shut the door behind him presumably to give her privacy with her thoughts. He was such a thoughtful man. A good man. A kind man. With a rocking body to boot. He was caring and sweet and funny. Everything that she wanted in one package. Kate sat with the heels of her palms to her eyes, frustrated with herself.

It wasn't that she was afraid.

Entirely...

It was that she didn't know what was supposed to happen next. There was no formula that she could just plug in and get concrete results. There was no recipe that guaranteed success. This was not a book that she could know the ending for sure. The control that she thought she'd had was really just superficial because every time he was near her she felt her control slipping.

Maybe she was afraid.

Kate Beckett was used to control. Being in control. Knowing what direction things were going and knowing that with one slight change one way or another she could change the course entirely. With every other relationship that she'd had she'd felt in control. Her 'foot out the door' had served as both an anchor and a rudder, allowing her to feel grounded and in control of where things were going.

Part of the problem was that she now wanted both feet in the door...and she was left wondering what her anchor would be, how they would steer themselves safely through this uncharted territory.

She needed to face her fears. Castle had done nothing to rush her, nothing to push her, had been nothing but supportive and she was probably not helping his situation by flirting salaciously with him and then not doing anything about it. He deserved better.

And that was what it boiled down to wasn't it? She wanted the best for him, and her damaged little self didn't (in her eyes) fit the bill.

Kate stood and checked her appearance in the mirror. Ran a hand through her hair. Sighed. This was as good as it was going to get tonight.

Time to face things head on. No regrets.

Her lips still tingled from the kiss that had been orchestrated by his mother and daughter, and that wasn't even real. Did it count if he was coerced into doing it?

Stop thinking Kate, time to talk.

She opened the door and walked into the bedroom to join him.

It was weird. He simultaneously felt like a father waiting to confront his child on an important matter (like having that talk), and like he had been sent to the principal's office and needed to explain himself.

He'd made a nice fire, turned down the bed. Should he be sitting or standing? If he were sitting she might feel obligated to sit next to him and he didn't want to push or make her uncomfortable. On the other hand if he were standing did that seem too harsh? Like he was trying to be in control of everything? He opted to stand staring at the fire in front of his side of the bed. She could come over to stand with him, or sit on either side of the bed. Whatever she wanted, and he would shift positions accordingly.

The thing about Kate was that she didn't want anyone to see how fragile she really was. Her Detective Beckett persona was all tough outer shell. Inside though, she was soft. Delicate. Vulnerable. Kate. He'd seen through her layers, many though they were. And he knew that he still hadn't cracked her wide open. She was a tough nut to crack, but he was getting closer. He could feel it.

He heard the bathroom door open behind him.

Show time.

He didn't move as she opened the bathroom door. Didn't turn or make a sound.

She could see his shoulders rise a little with each breath that he took, his body outlined in shadow in the firelight. She took the opportunity to admire the way his muscles fit the tee shirt he had chosen, filling it out just right. She almost wished they could just skip the talking part and just get down to business.

Almost.

Her fingers itched to touch him. Every inch of him. Longed to stroll through his hair along his scalp. To massage away any residual pain in his shoulders from the day's work. To comfort, caress, and tease until he couldn't stand it.

Until she couldn't stand it.

Get your mind out of the gutter Kate, you need to talk things out first.

Right.

Talk.

"You're my best friend, you know that?"

He heard her shift behind him and then she spoke,"And you're mine, too, Castle."

Not the point he was trying to make, but nice to know nevertheless.

"But Kate,"

He paused, collected his thoughts. "You are so much more than a friend to me."

He'd intended to let her speak first, but then the words bubbled up from the darkness spilling forth from his lips and refused to be squelched. He just had to get this out. "You are... I don't want to scare you," he turned to face her, to look her in the eye. She had moved to stand at the foot of the bed. Close, but not close enough. He reached out a hand and was grateful when she offered her outstretched hand in return. He grasped her hand and pulled her until they were closer, but he wasn't smothering her. Yet.

She squeezed his hand in reassurance. She would wait him out.

He cleared his throat and tried again, "Elizabeth Kubler Ross said, 'The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.'" He paused and took a breath. She looked like she was going to cry.

This isn't where he thought this conversation would go. It was supposed to be a back and forth. A light slide into the beginning of something. This was supposed to be gradual, he'd promised her as much when he'd told her that they would take things as they happened.

Yet here he was basically jumping in with both feet, taking a flying leap off of this cliff and into whatever he might find in the space beyond. And he would do so happily, so long as she was somewhere out there with him.

"Kate, you are the most beautiful person that I have ever come into contact with. Both on the inside and the outside." His gaze shifted for a moment before he refocused on her eyes. "I'm sorry that I left you alone in here last night, Kate, but you gave me no choice." He kissed the hand that he was holding and breathed out. Cocked his head to the side just slightly and squeezed her hand again so that she knew he meant business. Gave her a predatory smile and leaned in close before practically growling, "But I cannot be held responsible for anything that happens if you touch me like that again."

"You're my best friend, you know that?"

Ah, so he had heard her come out of the bathroom.

Kate was both relieved and a little nonplussed when he started talking first. She was the reason they needed to have this talk, wasn't she?

"And you're mine, too, Castle." Honesty right? She was going to be honest.

His voice was rich and smooth. She had to force herself to focus on the words that he was saying. They were important.

He was important.

"But, Kate..."

Uh oh. Good things don't often follow a 'but'.

She found her feet moving her closer to him as he spoke. She'd reached the foot of the bed when he finally turned to face her. What had he just said? Scare her? Not possible. She was only terrified of what she might do if she were to throw caution and control to the wind.

And she was so tempted to do that right now.

He cleared his throat and she could see the moisture, not of sadness exactly, but of something deeper, collecting in his eyes. Then he started speaking again, "Elizabeth Kubler Ross said, 'The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths..." Oh that man, that sweet sweet man. Kate could feel moisture collecting in her own eyes and blinked furiously to keep it from spilling over.

She was afraid.

Terrified.

It scared her at how good it all felt. How right. How fast. Even though she knew that it was just years of pent up frustration finally coming to a head.

It felt fast.

And good.

And right.

He was still talking. Making her feel...so so much. And then he was apologizing for leaving her alone in bed—even though they hadn't been doing anything. He hadn't been doing anything.

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles softly. Cocked his head in a way that made her want to kiss him senseless, and growled in her ear, "But I cannot be held responsible for anything that happens if you touch me like that again." And she lost the ability to breathe.

Castle stepped forward and swallowed the knot that had formed in the back of his throat. His hands landed on her waist and pulled her gently closer. "Kate, I'm in this as much as you'll let me be, but I am willing to go as fast, or slow as you need me to."

Kate's arms wound around his neck tangling in his hair as she pulled his face down to within an inch of hers. "I don't want to be cold anymore," she whispered.

He buried his nose in her hair, inhaling deeply. "Never again."

She tugged on his hair until he was standing forehead to forehead with her. Her eyes baring her soul to him as she asked him a silent question.

He smiled briefly before his lips sought hers in a kiss that made her toes curl and her heart beat out of her chest.

She felt herself smiling into the kiss.

Based on prior experience, if this was real...the last one was too.

This time it was real.

For sure.

AN: And...yeah. That's that. I will try to be prompt with my next update, but can make no promises.