AN: Hello readers, again...sorry about the delay..I tried to upload and had internet problems.. Huge thanks to those who have read, followed, favorited, or reviewed. Y'all rock!
Special thanks to xavierswheels, you probably didn't mean to, but your review sounded like a pirate. I like pirates. :o) And to nahbois68, that's one of the best things anyone's ever said to me—and one of my dreams/goals (I'm looking into it).
Yeah, not beta'd...
Chapter 10
The heart wants what the heart wants.
He'd said that to her once.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
And it was true.
No matter how hard the head may try to rationalize away from something, argue another direction, no amount of determination or stubbornness could change the fact that when push came to shove one truth remained: the heart wants what the heart wants.
Snow drifted softly down, the sky's quiet tears. Of joy?
Had to be joy.
Kate snuggled deeper into the large armchair and pulled the blanket tighter around herself. There was a fire going in the fireplace, she wasn't really cold. It was comforting. That tight warm comforting feeling was just...a substitute. A substitute for what she really wanted to be wrapped around her. Who she wanted wrapped around her.
The heart wants what the heart wants.Sigh.
She knew what her heart wanted. For a while she had become adept at tamping it down. Squelching its voice. She watched the flames dancing around the logs in the fireplace and remembered.
Deep down Kate knew that there was a longing. A different kind of longing than for his strong arms, his breath against her cheek, her neck. It was a longing for days gone by. For Home.
But, experience had taught her, time passes. People pass.
And that time and place are gone. The home she remembered, Home wasn't there anymore. That building was there, but home was long gone. No one can get that back. There is no pill, no magic spell that could bring that time and place back. Those people... Even Harry Potter could only gaze in a mirror and have that longing stifled temporarily.
Homesick for something that didn't exist anymore. She moved to finger her father's watch only to stroke her own naked wrist. She glanced down in surprise. She'd taken the watch off on her first night here.
Hadn't felt the need to put it back on.
Home, she'd realized, wasn't a house. It was the people who gathered together. She'd felt that over the past week and a half. Being with these people. People she cared about. And she did. She cared about all three of them. Maybe more than she was willing to admit just yet. She and Castle had progressed farther in their relationship over the past week than she wouldn't have dreamed they would have in a month. She was tentative at first. It was still scary. The not knowing if she would screw it up, but the rewards were so worth the risk.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
There was a moment of satisfaction, she'd felt it faintly before, times when the veneer of her heart got very thin and she could almost reach out and grasp something tangible; that longing. A longing for the family lost, the family never had. And it was because what she had was fractured and broken. And lonely.
A longing for good times. For better times.
Even as the snow continued to pile up outside the window her heart was warmed by thoughts of Home. Her new home. Her family.
His heart hurt.
Physically, it hurt.
She was sobeautiful.
He'd stopped halfway down the stairs after visiting Alexis in her room to consult her on something and had had the breath sucked out of his lungs at the sight of her sitting there. She looked deep in thought. The light coming through the skylights illuminated her hair and the fire sent shadows dancing across her skin.
So beautiful.
She didn't seem to have heard him on the steps so he crept down as quietly as he could and tiptoed until he was standing right behind her.
"You're not as stealth as you think you are." There was a smile in her voice.
He bent and kissed her cheek, felt her smile into his neck.
"Mmm. How is it that you can do that to me?"
She pulled back. "Do what?"
He went for her neck again, nipping lightly. "Blind me to anything and everything but you."
She laughed as she shoved his shoulder. "Do you know how cheesy that sounds? Sweet, but ultimately cheesy."
He straightened and puffed out his chest. "That's me, sweet and cheesy." He released his breath as she poked at his gut with a teasing finger.
Kate scooted over in the large chair and patted the tiny spot next to her. Castle raised an eyebrow, but moved to a sitting position next to her, pulling her into his lap so that they would both fit comfortably. She instantly curled into his side and ran her finger along his forearm, up his chest, his neck, up around the shell of his ear, down his nose, and cupped his jaw.
Her eyes shined in the firelight with a secret knowledge. He wanted to kiss that knowledge right out of her. He kissed the corner of her mouth. "What were you so deep in thought about?"
She hummed against him. "Family. Home. Things."
He chuckled. "You are my family." He kissed her nose. "This is your home." Her cheek. "And I would love to do things to you." Her mouth.
She swatted at his chest. "Shut up, I'm being serious here Castle."
The arm wrapped around her shoulders tightened and he leaned in to nip at her earlobe. "So am I."
Her laugh was one of the best sounds in the world. This version of it low and almost throaty, did things to him. Made him want to do things to her.
She didn't push him away. Instead she turned just so and placed a warm open mouthed kiss against the underside of his jaw. Incredible.
He tilted his head down to capture her lips, enjoying the warm pressure that built in his gut. Had his heart pumping faster.
"Dad, when is...Oh." He hadn't even heard his daughter on the stairs. Kate flopped none too gracefully off of his lap and he wanted to cry. The progression between Kate and himself had been steady over the past few days, surely his daughter had seen that. Wouldn't be too uncomfortable with it. Her face flushed a bright pink, probably embarrassed more for interrupting them than from finding them in that situation. He'd have to have a talk with her later to be sure.
"What's that pumpkin?" He addressed her as he glanced at Kate. She had repositioned herself on the couch facing away from Alexis. Her face, also flushed. He struggled to keep the smirk off of his face as he was talking to his daughter.
"Um...I was just wondering when Gram was going to be back? I need to get a ride into town this afternoon. Remember?" She continued down the stairs and down into the living room, stopping behind the couch at the opposite end from Kate. "Sorry..." She mouthed and gestured to Kate's head.
Good girl. She was fine with it. Castle hopped up and waved her off. "Right, volunteering day? What time is that?"
The girl looked relieved. "I'm supposed to be there at 4:30 to start prep work. I'll be finished around 10:00."
Castle looked at the clock. 3:00. "Gram should be back soon, she was just going to make a few phone calls at that cafe` on the outskirts of the village. Tell you what. If she isn't back in half an hour you can take the snowmobile."
Her face lit up. "Thanks Dad!" She sobered a little, "Sorry Kate..." Then she took off upstairs again.
Castle glanced back at Kate. She looked...well 'horrified' wasn't too far fetched.
"Hey," he reached for her hand as he dropped to the couch next to her. "She's fine. You're fine. It's ok."
"Castle, what does your daughter think of me coming in here, interrupting her annual family vacation, making out with her father in the open, sharing a bed with him...what must she think? I'm a horrible person..."
He laughed. Probably not the best reaction, but it was laughable. "You are not a horrible person, Kate. Far from it in fact. And as far as what Alexis thinks? I know that she loves you. She respects you. I can't speak for her in terms of what finding us kissing meant to her, but I like to think that I know my daughter, and she is not horrified. You want my opinion?" His eyes were gentle as he awaited her response. He wasn't going to force advice on her if she didn't want it. Especially where it concerned important things like the relationship she had with his daughter.
She nodded and squeezed his hand.
"Talk to her. Ask her. She isn't scary. She doesn't bite. Though I might should warn her that you might...ow!" He yanked his hand back when she squeezed just a bit too hard.
"Now?"
"Why not? She's got half an hour to burn. I can think of no better thing to fill her time with than having a heart to heart with my favorite detective.
He pressed a closed mouthed kiss to her forehead. To her nose. Her lips. "That's what I think."
The heart wants what the heart wants.
As she climbed the stairs she felt like she left her heart sitting next to Castle on the couch. She wasn't afraid of Alexis. But the weight of the girl's opinions mattered more to Kate than she imagined. That she had for so long been the most important person in Castle's life meant that what she thought about the possibility of a relationship between her father and Kate would be a key in moving things forward.
She knocked on the door and took a couple of steps back, not wanting to crowd the door or seem imposing.
The door opened and Kate felt her cheeks flush once more. "Alexis, hey. Do you think we could talk for a few minutes?"
"Uh, sure." She swept her arm into her room. "Did you want to do that in here? Or maybe..."
"If that's alright with you," Kate affirmed.
They sat, Alexis on her bed, Kate in the small desk chair. Kate took a deep breath to calm herself. This was Castle's daughter. Nothing to be afraid of. Everything to be afraid of.
"Listen, Alexis I-"
"He loves you, you know."
"I- what?" This was not how she'd envisioned this conversation going.
"My dad. He loves you."
Kate's eyebrows knit together. "I uh..."
"Detective. Kate, I love my dad. My dad loves you. Do you see what I'm saying?"
No. No she really didn't. "I—not really?"
Alexis placed a hand on the one Kate didn't even know she'd placed on the bed to brace herself. She smiled and withdrew her hand. How very adult of her, Kate thought.
"Kate, I love my dad. I want him to be happy. Youmake him happy. I'm not saying that this is going to be an easy thing to adjust to, adding another person to any already established relational bond changes things. But what I am saying is that this change, you and my dad, I know that it's for the better."
Dumbfounded. Kate Beckett was dumbfounded. "You're ok with me wrecking your family vacation? For sharing a bed with him? For-"
Alexis put her hand up to stop Kate from digging her hole any deeper and saying something that she may not want to say. "Stop. First off, you are NOT wrecking anything. Did you not listen at Thanksgiving? Kate, you are family. We: Me, Gram, Dad, we allwant you here. Secondly, I knew before you got here that you and Dad would be sharing a room. A room that only has one bed in it so-"
Kate jumped in, "We haven't-"
But Alexis wanted to finish first. "It is honestly none of my business what you guys do or don't do in there. There are limits to the things I need to know." She smiled. "But I do want you to know, I don't mind you kissing. Don't be afraid to show him affection on my account. He needs it. And I have a feeling that you might need it too." Alexis looked down at the bedspread and played with a loose thread. Was she embarrassed that maybe she'd stepped over the line?
Utterly dumbstruck.
Kate's heart softened towards the girl even more. "Alexis, I...really care for your father..."
"I know. I can see it." Alexis stood. "He deserves to be happy, Kate. Make him happy."
Kate stood as well and held out her hand as if to shake and started again, "I really care for your father. I also care about you, your feelings." She cocked her head to one side. "I need you to be honest with me. If something I'm doing makes you uncomfortable, please tell me. Your dad does deserve to be happy and I will try to make that happen." Instead of grabbing her hand Alexis wrapped her arms around Kate's waist and hugged her tightly.
"You already do."
Flabbergasted even.
"Well. What did you talk about?" He had an idea, but wanted to hear it from her just the same.
She settled into his arms on the couch. Pulled his hands around her waist and played with his fingers.
"Girl stuff." She replied. She knew what he was doing. Fair enough.
He pouted, and even though she couldn't see it, somehow she knew he was doing it. "Quit pouting Castle it isn't very attractive."
"Are you saying that if I'm not pouting then I am very attractive?" he teased.
"I am saying that if you don't pull that lip in, it would be a very easy target." Evil evil woman.
He tilted his head above hers so that she could see his face. He licked his lower lip. Lowered his voice. "You do know you aren't doing much in the way of making a good argument for me to stop pouting, right?"
"Keep pouting. See if you like what happens next."
"See, that sounds like a threat, but what you said before sounded like a promise," he whined.
"Keep whining, Castle, and that lip won't see any action tonight. Is that clear enough for you?"
He pulled his lip in quickly. "Clear as day. But not today, 'cause it's been snowing most of this morning and I don't think it's going to stop anytime soon-"
"Castle, shut up and kiss me."
His chest vibrated with laughter. "Yes ma'am."
Dinner was simple: soup and sandwiches. With Alexis still volunteering and Martha retiring to her room, Kate found herself in the living room alone with Castle again.
"So you two really did talk about me right?"
He was such a girl. An insecure girl. But his motives were pure. He really did want to be sure that everything between his daughter and...girlfriend? They hadn't really put a label on whatever they were just yet. His Kate, then...one of the three most important people in his life. But then he supposed if things hadn't gone well his daughter wouldn't have been in such a good mood before taking off for the village, and Kate wouldn't have come straight back to his arms.
Kate scoffed at him. "Yes, in fact you were mentioned once or twice."
"And everything..." He was fishing, he knew it.
"Castle, everything went well. Better even. But as someone wise once told me: 'you could just ask her yourself.'"
"Actually, I believe my exact words were 'Talk to her. Ask her. She doesn't bite...' and you're already here so..."
"So nothing. I'm going to spend some quality time in that obnoxious jacuzzi and then I won't be here for you to pester either." She pressed a kiss to his palm and extricated herself from his grasp and moved towards the bedroom without looking back. Tease.
Castle smiled to himself as he watched her leave him sitting alone in the spacious living room. He fully intended to have a conversation with his daughter concerning Kate. He wasn't worried about what Alexis had said, but was more curious to find out what Kate had shared.
It only took him a fraction of a second to realize that Kat was responsible for waking him. She was dreaming, quite obviously, as incoherent words fell from her lips. Her hands twitched in bunched fists at her chest, grasping at the sheet that had fallen just above her ribcage. He contemplated waking her, unsure of the consequences, and decides to just lie there for a few minutes and see what happened. Her sleep slacked face looked smooth and care free. She looked peaceful. Not corpse peaceful, but still...at peace. Her lips started moving again, no sound coming from them just yet. She took a deep breath and the air that rushed past her lips in a sigh sounded like his name. "Cas-tle..."
He held his breath and willed her to speak again, reaching one hand across the expanse of the bed, stilling near the middle as he was unwilling to wake her just yet.
He didn't have to wait long. Another intake of breath and her lips moved again, less of a sigh and more of a...moan? "Cas-tle...love...you..."
His heart flip flopped inside of his chest. She was sleeping. It didn't really count if she was sleeping did it?
Did it?
She moved again, her hand flopping onto his outstretched hand laying in the middle of the bed. "Love..." and something far less coherent.
Hell yeah it counted.
AN: I will try my hardest to update one more time before Christmas. Please review! Reviews motivate me... ;o)