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A small wooden dove
A/N: Thank you Julie-i-am for correcting my mistakes!
Thorin charged through the corridors like he was the one on fire and not the lower levels. With legs yet unstable, he forgot the ecstasy that Eilin's hands offered him as the terrifying possibility of the soldier's words took tight hold on him. What the hell was Balin doing down there anyway? Why wasn't he sleeping peacefully in his rooms at this ungodly hour?
He entered the King's Halls dragging along with him an air of urgency that send several people scattering away from him. His eyes fell on Bombur, "blow the horn twice!". His voice boomed into the large cavern.
"There's a fire?" Bombur's eyes widened in alarm.
"Yes!" his deep grumble set the Bombur in action, along with several others that started running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
Even though he didn't order anyone to come with him, he heard several hurried boots following him down to the fifth level. If outrunning Smaug had been really trying, this sprint was even more demanding. Almost three full moons ago he had barely been able to stand without the assistance of a cane yet now he was leading the run effortlessly, proving that the famous dwarven resilience was not a myth. They passed over long bridges, and under tall archways. Down winding staircases with golden railings and past areas of inhabited houses. Panicked families inquired about the emergency that the horns were blowing in the upper levels, and it was the familiar voices of his comrades, not him, that ordered people to evacuate because of the fire. As they dashed down the spiralling walkway of the fourth-level caverns, that was dangling above a huge chasm of vertical mining tunnels the first whiff of smoke attacked their senses. Nori's hand wrapped around his bicep and stalled him. He looked back panting and partly confused.
"The smoke is black down there, this is a folly. Let us go in your stead", Nori's eyes filled with dread.
His eyes gave a silent warning at his comrade. He jerked his arm free and moved to the direction of the thick smoke, totally ignoring Nori's offer. Immediately upon coming face to face with the large doorway that led to the fifth-level furnaces, his heart stopped beating. The black smoke was so heavy that he couldn't see past the runes that were sculpted above the arch of the entrance. He covered his face and entered in the black nothingness. For a few alarming moments he couldn't see anything, never mind hope that anyone had survived this chaos. The smoke dispersed slightly as he staggered deeper and that is when his eyes began making out the scene of destruction. A whole furnace had collapsed, trapping several men under a heavy column. Chains had been thrown around it and two rows of men were struggling to lift it up. He heard the voice of his nephew and looked up. He was in front of the huge water spouts, orchestrating the effort.
It was imperative that they offered the deadly smoke a way out or else it was going to choke whoever hadn't died from the fire or that heavy debris. "The air vents, get the air vents" he hurled back to Nori and pointed across the room. He picked up the first hammer available and ran past the collapsed furnace that had spread the fire to several wooden pillars and wall panels.
He found the levers and prayed to Mahal that they weren't stuck from remaining unutilized for so many centuries, or that the chimney exits on the top of the mountain were not blocked by nature. The first hammer fall on the lever didn't work. He tightened his teeth and felt stupidly angry at that piece of metal machinery as he dropped the hammer a second time. That ferocious strike did it. A loud bang came above his head and debris covered his hair as the first air vent opened. His apprehension of Balin's state took a back seat and offered the wheel to his adrenaline that pumped hot in his blood and made him growl towards each lever he found in his way. Nori met him half way through, having released all the air vents from the other side. They looked up as the smoke began channeling through the chimneys. Thorin threw the hammer down and zigzagged amongst the fallen debris searching for Balin, but instead he saw Dwalin, in one of the rows pulling the heavy iron chains that were wrapped around the heaviest column. His eyes followed the broken body of the huge pillar and he saw Balin buried under it along with several others that were trying to get free.
"Oh, for the love of Mahal", he spat and then turned to his nephew. "Fili, throw a chain under that broken half pipe and pull it up to that locked water spout!" He cried.
Fili took over the task with formidable determination, leading a group of several men towards the fallen half pipe.
Without any consideration for what he was about to do, or empathy for himself, he joined one row and wrapped the heavy iron chain around his stomach. The elderly worker that was in front of him felt the weight lifting off his broken back and looked up to this huge dwarf that was twisting the massive chain around his body and forearm as if it was nothing. The King gritted his teeth and pulled so fiercely that the chain stretched and rattled, swinging the elder into the air, letting his feet dangle a few inches from the ground. Thorin squeezed his eyes and exhaled painfully as his wound awoke more violently than he had anticipated, yet he didn't stop. He took a step back, pulling along with him several dwarves that were trying to get their footing…then another low groan of pain released from his chest as he took a second step back…and a third and a fourth ... and then blood began staining his tunic, but still nothing was enough to stop him from carrying around his wounded body most of the weight of that formidable pillar.
It was Dwalin's voice that made him reopen his eyes, "they are almost free Thorin!"
He looked at the result of his agonising labour, "Go get your brother!" His thick voice reverberated and Dwalin released his chain and dashed to find Balin. The second row that this formidable dwarf was supporting, got drawn forth several steps from the loss of his tremendous strength.
The column took a sudden dive and many screamed in fear. Thorin's jawline flexed as the chain around his waist dug ruthlessly onto his open wound. He counted inwards and twisted his thick forearm around the metal rings pulling with all his might. After a few terrifying moments he managed to balance out the loss of Dwalin. The maroon stain on his tunic, reached the band of his trousers and his arms began trembling. He opened up his eyes with difficulty and looked at Fili that had brought up the broken pipe in level with the spout.
"Pull down the handspike!" he cried.
Instantly the heavy metal door slid open and water got derailed by the broken pipe onto the fire. The smoke became thick once more as the fire got extinguished and Thorin could do little but pray to both Mahal and Eru for help. Inside his daze it was the voice of Dongar that offered him the much needed help, not the Gods.
"I am here Sir, let me help you!", the dirty lieutenant cried, half expecting Thorin to ignore him once more, or act like he didn't even exist.
He felt then chain loosening around his waist as the lieutenant disentangled it from Thorin's body and twisted it around his.
"Thank you", he whispered, not certain that Dongar was able to hear him, but more than grateful for this unexpected help.
Thorin wrapped his forearm around the bulky chain and pulled alongside Dongar. The column got lifted a few more inches to the relief of many. Then it was a matter of keeping the column steady until everyone was released. When Dwalin's voice told them to put it back down, Thorin felt giddily tantalised to release the chain and let that massive piece of masonry fall, without caring for the consequences. He was shaking like a leaf from the overexertion and he hadn't seen the extension of his bleeding. The immense weight of the column though would have turned the chain a deadly weapon to everyone in the rows, so they all co-operated patiently until it as placed down safely.
Thorin released himself from the chain and overlooked Dongar's worried words, "Sir, you are bleeding".
He run, as if his life depended on it, to the unconscious body of Balin and pushed Dwalin out of the way. His eyes filled with tears and his heart trembled at the impossible. His hoarse voice boomed inside the cavern, "Balin…!"
Dwalin was crying, "I cannot wake him up….Thorin…I cannot".
Thorin's expression turned into that of a confused dwarfling that found it impossible to come to grips with what he was seeing, but that lasted little as his eyes became fury unmatched quickly. "Oh, no he won't. He won't die", he cried and slapped Balin so hard that his face jerked sideways. "Wake up, you troll's armpit!" He waited for a moment and on seeing no reaction he slapped him again with the back of his hand, "I said wake up! You won't die on me!". His hand came down again and again fiercely strong on Balin's face, until Dwalin's hand stalled him.
Thorin looked at him confused.
"It's my turn!", he yelled and raised his hand to hit his own brother awake, when a weak cough came under them and they both looked down in shock. "Oh Moria's pits! Brother, can you hear me?" Dwalin fell on his chest and tried to listen for a heartbeat.
"Yes, I can you beardless daft! Stop thwacking me both of you!" Balin coughed and tried to push Dwalin away.
"He is alive, he is alive", Dwalin laughed and cried at the same time.
"Good…now I can kill him myself!" Thorin grabbed him by the lapels, "what the hell are you doing down here? Find a good bloody excuse because I am so angry at you right now I don't know what's keeping me from sending you to meet your honourable father!"
"You mangled my face just to kill me afterwards laddie? Calm down, I am okay. I just passed out from the smoke…", Balin coughed and tried to turn on his side, but when his leg moved he cringed in pain.
"Why did you come here in the first place?" Thorin spat between gritted teeth. His heart was still racing.
"Couldn't sleep," he coughed and tried to turn the other way, but Thorin pulled his lapels keeping him there, "found Fili and we came down to check this furnace. The workers found us at the dining room and related their concerns about it".
"Fili is responsible for the furnaces and for good reason, rukhsul menu! You are too old for these games", Thorin hurled at his face and gave him another mighty pull, trying to shake him back to reason.
Balin managed a tired smile, "I know you mean well and that you are worried to death, but right now you are choking me".
Thorin exhaled hard and released his lapels. Then he rested on his heels and rubbed his forehead, "don't ever pull such a trick on me again Balin", his voice was diminished as all his wrath got suddenly grounded.
"I will not my boy", Balin said emotionally.
Dwalin fell on his chest and embraced his brother wordlessly. The silent sobs coming from his outwardly stony personality were enough to induce tears to everyone around them, especially Thorin who averted his eyes in order to keep himself in check.
"I am alright my brother", Balin grasped Dwalin's forearm. Then he reached out for Thorin's hand who reciprocated quickly. "My King…." Thorin's eyes welled again, "thank you for being here for me…"
Thorin smiled bitterly, "Where else would I be you mindless bat?"
Balin smiled up to him sweetly and Thorin closed his eyes, needing to stop the unexpected emotional vortex that had overtaken him. "Are you wounded?" he forced himself to ask.
"My knee and thigh. I think they are broken", Balin winced and looked at his thigh that was bleeding.
"Gloin help Dwalin carry Balin up and notify your brother that he's got work to do", Thorin said. The sturdy redheaded dwarf nodded and gathered everyone around Balin.
"I need to stay and help you with the wounded", Balin said and made to get up.
"Lay down you gibbering gherkin. You were passed out, inhaling smoke for more than an hour, your are half broken and now you want to get up and help? Let's get him up before I kill him myself", Dwalin grumbled at his comrades angrily.
"Take him out", Thorin nodded in the direction of the exit.
Dwalin picked up his brother and looked back at Thorin, "when I see him up there safe, I will come down for you".
Thorin waved him away, "Get out of here Dwalin. I'm fine. Notify Dain that we need soldiers down here to carry up the wounded. Tell them to ready the infirmary on the ground floor. The rest of you help Oin, he'll need as many hands as he can get".
Dwalin nodded and gave him a final guarded look before disappearing through the door with several of their comrades.
That left him with Fili, young Ori and a silently observant Dongar a few steps away, whose eyes never left the King's bloody tunic. "Fili take Ori and go check on the wounded. Ask their names and notify their families", his voice was barely heard and he felt dizzy, still though no one apart from Dongar had noticed through all the dirt and soot how bloody he was. Especially in his kneeling position.
Young Ori took out his book and followed the prince. The men that were still standing were eager to offer information on the wounded so Fili and Ori didn't have much trouble getting names, professions and closest family members as they waited for their comrades to send help from the top floors.
Dongar kneeled next to Thorin that sat there with his arm above his stomach and his eyes closed. "Sir, you are bleeding", he repeated.
Thorin looked down at himself and frowned in mild disbelief at the extent of the damage he had done to himself, "Keep your voice down lieutenant. I don't want to alert my nephew. I am well aware".
"Can I offer you my help?" Dongar said quietly.
Thorin felt his throat painfully dry from all that smoke, "What are you doing down here?"
"The moment I learned about the fire I came to offer my assistance", Dongar said with no hesitations.
Thorin's eyes fell heavily on him for several silent moments. He weighed the lieutenant quietly before speaking, "get me a piece of cloth. Anything…torn, destroyed, I don't care. Just make sure it's long enough", he whispered and pressed his wound above the tunic, feeling it sipping with blood.
Dongar nodded and left.
The fire had been totally extinguished, but the burned wooden panels and columns were still sizzling and the large cavern had that intense scent of destruction. Black soot was covering everything and everyone, but especially the floor that was smeared in black tar. He looked wretchedly at that black thick mud rolling down the natural tilt of the floors and filling up the golden pipes...his heart fell. The heavy moans and groans all around, called on his attention. He turned around and looked at the man that closest to him. He was writhing in pain with his arm burned so severely that the cotton of his tunic was sticking onto his destroyed skin, "He-lp, wat-er".
Thorin gritted his teeth and pushed himself up with great difficulty, "Hold on", he took a couple of steps before the dizzy spell reappeared forcing him to kneel down heavily again.
"Will this do?" Dongar's hand grabbed his shoulder offering his unexpected help and support once more.
Thorin took the large dirty piece of clothing and lifted up his tunic. His wound had broken open near the top and was pumping blood steadily with each breath he took. He twisted the cloth around his torso with the help of Dongar. Remembering Oin's advice, even if it was too late into the game, he made a knot so tight that he groaned in pain and doubled down. Dongar's hand squeezed him, "steady Sir".
"Check on that man. He was asking for water. Wet any scattered cloth and put it on top of his burned arm to cool it down", he said and nodded with his head at the man that asked for his help before.
Dongar ran to his bidding once again with incomparable eagerness. Thorin grabbed his knees with his hands and tried hard to regain control over his body. The dizziness was coming and going, but it was not getting any worse. It took the lieutenant several tries to find a cloth, wet it and bring it to the wounded man. By the time he managed to bring him some water to drink, Thorin had managed to stand up and come over to them, "What's your name?" He said and came down to his knees. His large palm cupped the shivering man's forehead.
"Nipvari my lo-rd", the man tried hard to focus on the eyes of the one who looked like the King.
"Are you wounded anywhere else apart from your arm?" Thorin checked on his body.
"Hurts too much, both co-ld and h-ot…he-lp me," the man shook and closed his eyes.
Thorin motioned Dongar to take off his vest, which the man did eagerly and threw it above the worker's body, "Better friend?" The lieutenant asked.
Nipvari swallowed hard and tried a smile that faded, "Y-es", then his eyes turned eagerly at that lofty looking, large dwarf that was looking at him with such care.
"You got a family here Nipvari?" Thorin asked him and caressed his long bloody hair away from his forehead.
"Yes, me wi-fe Lóa and my wee dau-ghter Lís", the man groaned and closed his eyes. His body was visibly shaking as if from loss of blood, but Thorin was unable to see any under him.
He frowned and gave a guarded look at Dongar who shook his head, "Are you a miner?"
"Y-es", the man opened up his eyes for a moment before closing them again. He jerked suddenly.
"I don't know if he is hurt somewhere else, but he needs medical attention immediately", Dongar looked at Thorin.
He nodded grimly, "When did you arrive at Erebor?"
"Two we-eks ago. Eva-cua-ted vill-age….orc att-acks…", he tried a smile that failed and then was shaken by a heavy cough that made him arch in pain.
Thorin winced and placed his other hand on his chest to steady him, "try not to move so much".
"Pa-in…", the man hissed.
"Go up and see where are the reinforcements. He needs to be checked by Oin", he said acutely.
Dongar bowed respectfully and ran to his orders. Thorin turned his attention to the wounded man, "Tell me what's your daughter's favourite game", he forced a smile and pulled the man on his lap to keep him steady.
"Hi-de go sh-eek," the man smiled and saliva ran down the side of his long beard. His free hand came up and found Thorin's that was on his chest. He clasped it hard enough to induce pain, "I always fe-ared that I was go-ing to lose her for-ever when she was hi-ding from me…"
Thorin winced and his nose flared.
"Guess wh-at?…now she will pro-bably lo-se me forever…" the man whispered and forced his eyes to open.
He released the man's hand when he felt something warm sipping through the side of his thigh and looked under him. His heart dropped into a frozen lake of despair when he saw that there was a large iron piece with the emblem of the longbeards embedded on this man's back. Blood was sipping down the floor and through the cracks, getting mingled with the black tar and moving towards the golden pipes. That is why he didn't see notice any blood before. This man was much more seriously wounded that he had originally thought.
"Hold on friend. Your daughter will see you again, I promise. What else does she like to play?", he said and his eyes filled with unbidden tears. His hand lingered above the iron shard. If he removed it, the man would certainly bleed to death.
"She li-kes tag o war…" the man cringed and twisted out of his grasp, trying to alleviate the pain from his side, something that only now Thorin understood.
"Did you play with her a lot?" Thorin forced himself to smile.
"Every sing-le day…" the man raised a trembling hand and Thorin saw his eyes glazing slowly.
"Oh, come on, stay with me", he said and pulled the man's head on his torso protectively, "Your family needs you, do you hear me?"
The man nodded and closed his eyes, then his fingers climbed up Thorin's dirty tunic and traced his beard, "You are the King, aren't you?"
Thorin swallowed hard and nodded.
"My father had drawings of the old Kings…you have King Thror's eyes, the sa-me colour," he coughed and tensed with a groan of pain, "the same kind-ness", he hissed.
"Don't speak more, hold your breath", Thorin's eyes filled with grief.
"Told Lóa I was going to me-et you….th-ank you for giving my ugh.." The man arched up and Thorin felt more blood staining his thigh.
"Steady, breathe…" he said quietly.
"for gi-ving my family a cha-nce to a better life. Give this to Lóa, pl-ease", he said and took off a leather string necklace he wore and gave it to Thorin with an unsteady hand. It was a small wooden dove. The face of Eilin, his own little precious dove, came out of nowhere to undo him. He took it with equally trembling hands and nodded unable to speak.
"Te-ll them I love them and take care of them…pl-ease", the man's face was swimming with tears.
"I will", Thorin nodded, unable to hold on to his own tears.
The man smiled up at him and slowly he faded away into nothing. His hand slid down empty and his head rolled back as a final throaty groan left his chest. Thorin pressed the necklace tight in his dirty fist and searched for the man's pulse….there was none. He pushed back away from him and stood up feeling more emotional than he had been in a long time. He took several steps away unable to stop the silent sob that left his strong chest. He had seen too many people die, but the death of this miner…this stranger…had touched him more deeply than he had ever anticipated.
"Uncle, are you alright?" Fili, grabbed his forearm tightly and looked at him, in great trepidation.
"Where is Ori?" He said with a husky voice that almost tore through his vocal chords.
"Here Sir", the young dwarf said.
"Nipvari, miner. His wife is Loa, his daughter Lis. They arrived two weeks ago. Find them for me".
"He is dead", Fili checked for a heartbeat.
"Anyone else with the same fate?" He said without turning, but his fist tightened almost painfully around the wooden necklace.
"No uncle. Are you alright?" Fili came in front of him.
"better than him…" he said bitterly.
"Is this your blood?" Fili frowned.
Thorin shook his head quietly.
"Did you bleed?" Fili made to lift his tunic, but Thorin's heavy hand stalled him.
"Less than he did son and he's got a family to support. He has a daughter", he said and fresh tears sprang from his eyes almost violently, at how unfair life seemed to him right now. There he was, having been given a second chance in life. He had no family, no children and yet there he was. While this man who had people around that loved and needed him, died. Was Vala Aule as fair as they all thought him to be…or some drunken deity that had no idea what he was doing most of the time? Fili pressed his forearm deeply concerned, but turned towards the entrance when Dain and Gloin entered, followed by several soldiers.
"Go help them", he said to his nephew.
"You need help also", Fili was obviously upset by the state of his uncle.
"I need to go upstairs and see Balin. Remain here in my stead son and look after the wounded please", he said feeling unbearably emotional.
Fili looked at him reluctantly, hanging back.
Thorin pushed himself to smile, "I need your help down here".
Fili's eyes were full of dread, "alright uncle", he said clearly not convinced.
Thorin nodded and walked as steadily as he could out of the door. He didn't want to worry his nephew anymore, nor look at the dead miner whose wooden dove was crashed inside his palm. He walked pensively with his head low and his eyes meticulously counting the cracks on the floor, when the voice of Dongar once more drew his attention.
"Sir, let me assist you up. You need medical attention and clean air", he said humbly.
Thorin looked at him partly lost.
"Some water might also do you good", Dongar placed down the bucket of clean water he had carried all the way from the top.
Thorin filled the cup that was floating in the bucket and drank hungrily. Then he splashed some on his dirty face, before feeling the need to offer the first sad, but genial smile at the lieutenant, "Thank you for helping us today. I shall never forget it".
Dongar kneeled respectfully, "It was my honour to help you Sir".
Thorin blinked at the empty corridor thoughtfully for several heavy moments. When his weary mind came to a resolution he turned at the lieutenant and said, "follow me". He resumed his grieving walk up to the entrance. He didn't stop for anyone that asked him with concern if he was alright, since his bloody tunic and trousers told a story of their own. He passed majestically through the King's halls, not addressing Bombur's anxious onslaught. His mind was reeling stubbornly around the image of the miner that died with such anguish and bestowed on Thorin the protection of his family. The death of a man that made him realise what really mattered in his life. When he walked steadily up the steps, his dizziness had already faded to a mere ghost that was at the edge of his consciousness vaguely reminding him that he had lost a significant amount of blood. Dongar, and Bombur were following close behind, overburdening him with their solicitude, but their words were not passing through to him. Only the wooden dove buried in his hard palm made sense to him now.
When he opened the door of Balin's room he saw that everyone from Thorin's company was already there, including his sister and Eilin. His eyes fell on the beautiful redhead that had turned his world upside down and his hand squeezed the dove so hard it broke through his skin. Dis and Eilin bolted to him simultaneously and stopped at the same time looking at each other. Eilin quickly averted her eyes and felt sobs raking her throat. Dis's beautiful blue eyes looked taken aback, but when she looked at her bloody brother everything else became secondary. She fell on him protectively, "Are you alright?!"
"I am alright", he whispered and embraced her back.
"Why is there blood all over you?" her words freed Eilin's sobs that pierced through his heart and mind like no other sound could have done.
"Give me a moment please", he said and lifted his eyes with difficulty to his comrades.
Everyone was looking at him solemnly almost imperatively. "Balin?" He looked at his old advisor that was lying in bed.
"He is well lad. I fixed his thigh and he will be ready to walk within a couple of days, but I really think I should take a look at you. What happened down there?" Oin said and stood up.
He didn't answer. He caressed his sister's braids gently and placed a soft kiss on the top of her forehead.
"Is this your blood laddie? When did that happen and I didn't notice, for heaven sake..." Balin sat up and pushed his blanket away from his body.
"Thorin?" Dwalin took several concerned steps to his direction.
He raised his hand, "I am well, now allow me a few words", he said sternly. "Lieutenant Dongar proved his loyalty to the Longbeards beyond any doubt today. I will offer him Erebor's knighthood within the next few days and a place amongst the royal guards. Anyone who has any objections, speak of them now".
Dis pulled back to look at his eyes. "Thorin, really?" She whispered.
He caressed her cheek feeling exhausted. "He is an honourable man, gerbil". The ghostly uptilt of his lips made her squeeze him tight.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you", she chanted.
"No, objections from anyone", Balin said and looked around. Everyone was smiling and nodding.
Dongar kneeled behind him, "My King, my blood, my sword and my life are yours", he said with a broken voice, barely able to control the deep emotions that Thorin's final acceptance had stirred.
Thorin closed his eyes and nodded weakly. "Stand up lieutenant". When he heard Eilin's choked sobs again, his soul attempted to flee his body and embrace her in his stead. He shivered as his eyes burned the back of her head, contemplating on how hard it was for him to embrace her in front of all of them.
Dis felt it, "You are shivering, you need to sit down", she said and took his arm to lead him to a chair.
Those words were the last straw that broke Eilin apart. Her crying was so profound that she was unable to keep silent anymore. Dis frowned at her direction, "What is going on here? Eilin what is the matter?" She asked clearly concerned.
"I am sorry my lady, I cannot stay here…I have to leave…" she choked. She threw the door open with a wail that hooked onto every single inch of Thorin's self control.
His hand squeezed the wooden dove until he felt the pain almost insufferable.
"Thorin? What is happening?" Dis's voice sounded faded. He was concentrating on the receding wails of Eilin out at the corridor.
Balin already knew what was happening and he tried hard to stop it. "Laddie look at me, please. Don't do anything you will regret", his plead felt like a hard swat across Thorin's face.
"Enough", he took two steps back. His mind was twisting and bending around the impossibility of their situation. Should he remain here and let Eilin ran away broken, or fly after her and throw everything into the fire..? His mind slowly realised that this was not a question mark, but a bold exclamation mark.
"No, Thorin! This is wrong! Don't act on emotion now", Balin tried to get out of bed, but his brother's heavy hand stopped him.
"Stand down brother", Dwalin said and his solemn eyes gave Thorin the freedom he needed.
He charged after her forgetting all the obligations of his lineage back in that room. "Eilin!" He shouted.
His booming voice made her cry even harder. She didn't want to turn around and see his dire state. She didn't want to stop running away from all of them.
He reached her easily and grabbed her upper arm turning her around "don't ran away from me", he begged.
"Everyone in there saw me. They saw I cannot breathe and they don't know why! No one can know why I feel devastated Thorin! I despair, because I cannot yell at them that I am in agony for you!" She bend over from her need to scream her ultimate anguish to the skies.
He clasped her hand in his and dragged her behind him, her unstoppable crying feeding his heart with courage. He didn't care that they passed the open door of Balin like that, nor that his sister peeked out to see what was happening.
He brought her to his door, which he had to refrain from kicking in and brought her inside. When he leaned against it, making it crash upon its hinges, she looked at him in distress for a few moments before lunging herself on him and shouting "I don't want you to die!" She straddled him and wrapped her legs around his hips. He was unable to hold them both up as her emotional explosion, brought him literally to his knees.
He tightened his arms around her painfully, "Don't cry my heart, please", he muttered and pampered her face and neck with kisses.
"I don't want you to die…", she repeated as he cradled her so tight that she was almost unable to breathe, but she didn't care. She wanted him to steal her breath away and keep it for himself. So he could have another spare breath if life took all of his away.
"And I don't want to lose you", he whispered feeling conquered, "don't ever ran away from me like that again".
He felt her sobs reawakening and his own tears released upon the only person that made him feel so much after years of being numb. The only person that rekindled his fluttering fire into a full blown blazing inferno. The woman that came first to his mind, when that man died and asked him to take care of his family. Eilin's arms came around his neck and he buried his face on the crook of her neck. He lingered there in silence feeling her sharp pants scorching his cheek and ear. The vivid image of the dying man not wanting to part from his wife and daughter, made him hold onto her even more greedily. When her crying was extinguished to mere sniffles, every single thought that weighed him down flew away, apart from that wooden dove, still hidden in his fist. His dry lips skimmed on her neck and his fingers slithered in and out of her curls that waved loose upon her waist. Every passing second his steady breath and strong arms reassured her that even though he was terribly bloody, he was alive and there with her.
She clawed his nape, afraid that if she let him go now, all this would fade into a dream. That she would wake up back at the tavern, empty and bitter. When she was sure that her voice was not going to break under another onslaught of tears she spoke the first thought that came to her mind. "Did you just truly shout my name in a corridor full of guards and in front of a room full of your friends?"
"I did", he smiled sadly.
"You just raised the flags on us…" she frowned.
"I don't care. I never want to see you this broken again", he shook his head trying to push back the image of her trying to drown her tears in front of everyone, so she wouldn't betray their situation.
"How can I? Have you seen yourself?" She felt her eyes welling again and her throat convulsing.
His fingers twisted through her hair and kept her securely on his chest so she wouldn't look down to his bloody clothes again, "To be quite honest, no".
"The state of you…are you even okay?" Her eyelids squeezed shut.
"I am not okay, because I hurt you without ever wanting to", his voice broke.
"Let me see you", she tried to pull back, but he kept her close to his heart.
"No…".
She butted her forehead onto his chest frustrated, "what happened…tell me what happened to you…".
"Nothing more than what happened to everybody else", his voice took an almost detached tone.
She tried to push him back and when he resisted again, she grabbed his biceps, "let me see you!"
He reluctantly released her.
Her eyes took in his bloody tunic and trousers and she had to push herself hard not to break down in front of him again. "Is this your blood?"
"Not only mine".
"How much did you bleed?" She lifted up his tunic, in desperate need to see the damage he had done to himself.
He held her hands and brought them down along with his garment, "Not enough to stop my labour, but seeing you like this was enough to bring me to my knees. I don't want to see you cry", he reached up and wiped her tears away with his dirty thumb, "I stained you with soot".
She jerked her head away from his caring hands. "I don't care, as long as you are alright. Let me help you clean it up and call Oin", she made to get up, but he stopped her again.
"I cannot remain Eilin. I have to go back down and tend to the wounded. I have to help Fili…".
"You are not going anywhere, unless you allow me to see how much damage you have taken", she frowned up at him and pushed his hands away angrily.
He cupped her cheeks again and focused in her eyes, "Eilin, I am the King. I cannot stay here while my people are wounded and dying down there. I have to go….."
"No!" She shook her head and her eyes flooded with tears again.
"You have to let me go. I have to go", he nodded and his thumb caressed softly down the side of her nose and remained on her top lip. His mouth smiled down at her and so did his beautiful azure eyes.
"Thorin no. This is what I dread most, don't you see? The King in you will take my Thorin away", her bottom lip trembled.
He frowned, "I am not leaving you my sweet. I am going to take care of my people and I will return to you".
"What if you die down there?" She yelled and thwarted his chest in frustration.
He took hold of her wrists to stop her. "Then you will grieve for me like the rest of Erebor and you will allow me to rest".
The sobs that broke through her chest were enough to slash through his heart, "Don't do this to me Thorin, please".
"Eilin, this is my life and you are now part of it. A part I don't ever want to hurt, but you must understand that you have not chosen a scribbler, nor a minstrel. You have chosen a soldier and soldiers die in battle. Today my ailment was nothing compared to some workers down there who will never see their families again. One day though the inevitable might happen and you must sustain through it. Don't you think my mother used to feel the same way about my father?"
She looked up sharply, "Did you just place me onto the same pedestal as your mother?"
A ghostly smiled appeared on the side of his lips, "Nothing less".
She lunged upon him so hard that the pain in his stomach flared up, but he enfolded her and gritted his teeth against it, "What did your mother used to say to your father in similar situations?"
"I don't know", he admitted.
"I'll tell you what she said…", she caressed his back firmly.
He closed his eyes and rested his cheek on the top of her head.
"Please don't leave me alone in this world, for I will follow you soon after", she whispered.
Clouds gathered on his clear brow. "Can you please shut up, because if a sword or a fire doesn't kill me, your words surely will".
She felt her heart clenching in regret for revealing such heavy thoughts to him. "I have placed too heavy of a burden on your shoulders with these words. Forgive me, for they were not wisely spoken".
"I just want to know that you will be alright. That alone can sustain me. The fear that something might happen to you, will to undo me", he admitted with a fading voice and his fist gripped tightly onto her hair.
She had to pull herself back together. Her earnest words had scared him so bad, that she didn't want to see such a broken look in his eyes again. Her job was to sustain him physically and emotionally and right now she was doing neither. She was overburdening him with her own fears. She caressed his long mane and twisted a finger around one of his warrior braids, "I am alright Thorin".
He looked up to her with such doting longing that her heart shattered into a thousand pieces, "Are you really?"
She steadied her soul and forced her mouth to gift him with a bright, reassuring smile. "Yes, I am sorry I overburdened you. Seeing you this bloody made me lose every thread of common sense. Not that this was ever a strong point in me, mind you", she tried a shot at humour.
He looked at her searchingly for a long time. Uncertain if she meant these new hopeful words and she decided to eliminate his doubts, "You are holding me too tight, so your bleeding hasn't weakened you so much."
A soft questioning smile appeared on his beautiful lips, "Dare I believe you now?"
She nodded fiercely, "believe me and tell me what I can do to help you and I shall!"
His eyes were penetrative for what felt like an eon, before he spoke cautiously once more. "Did you decide to become the brave Eilin I know again? The one that chased after me in the menacing darkness so many times?" He tilted his head affectionately.
The nod came out with difficulty from her, "Yes".
"You will remain up here to assist the wounded and my sister and I will see you when I finish, alright?" He said with a calm and soothing voice that encouraged her. Had he perchance truly believed the mask of bravery she had put on for his sake?
"At your orders Sir! How about your bleeding?" She tried to dispel his fears about her well being with each word.
"It has stopped, I am not dizzy anymore".
It took her more than a few moments to believe his steady voice and be comforted by his wide palms smoothing over her sides, "Are you certain?"
"Yes men gehyith**".
Something sharp scratched her ribcage and she looked down, "what are you holding?"
He looked intently at the forgotten wooden dove that was still piercing through the skin of his palm and suddenly his throat went dry, "A token".
"Who gave it to you?"
He remained looking at it for a long time quietly, not wanting to reveal her what had taken place down there. He wanted to keep that darkness away from her. She was too emotionally fragile as it was, "Matter not. Now promise that you will keep away from the lower levels, until I tell you. I need to make sure that everything is safe down there. Give me a nice hug, a kiss and let me return to my people. I need to go, but before I do I need to know that you are going to be alright", he told her firmly.
She nodded and enclosed him close to her heart as tightly as her thighs and arms were able. She kept him like that for longer than he would have chosen and even though his presence was needed on the wounded part of Erebor, he didn't make a single move to dislodge her or try to make her see reason again. He allowed her to take her time with him. No one bothered them, although he expected a cascade of questions to befall on him after what he just did. The heavy consequences of his actions mattered little to him. Eilin's emotional distress was far more important than hiding their involvement. That dove that he was still holding like a treasure above her shaking shoulder-blade had appeared in the midst of hell to enlighten him. No one could make a deal with the maker to live forever and he didn't want to lose a single precious moment with Eilin. Not after dying and coming back, not after having a second chance in life and love. They remained embraced at the floor, giving solace to each other, long enough to lose track of time, but when he finally persuaded her through myriads of comforting words in Khuzdul that he was alright and that he had to rule Erebor in this time of suffering, he was the one mostly regretful to lose her warmth. They parted with a simple kiss and the promise to see her later in his rooms.
When the door closed behind him, she rested her forehead on the wooden panel and felt her heart contracting painfully. For the way he acted in front of his friends and family, for all that blood she had seen on him, for the way she broke down paralysed by the thought that she could lose him. When the door knocked, she felt it's vibration under her skin and jerked away from it.
"Yes?" she whispered, not sure that she wanted to face anyone else but him right now.
The door cracked open, "can I come in?" Dis asked gently.
Eilin brushed her knuckles under her eyes trying to wipe them away furiously, "of course my lady".
She entered and looked around, "he left?"
Eilin nodded and looked towards her boots.
"You look a little better", Dis offered her a kind smile.
"A little better, yes". Eilin felt positively flustered, with stingy red eyes and a stuffy nose, but she felt better indeed.
Dis's eyes brightened knowingly, "big bad wolf's embrace made it all better?"
Eilin looked up stupefied.
Dis pressed her lips, "don't look so surprised. After what happened anyone would have drawn the same conclusions".
Eilin's face contorted in fear, "I didn't want to act in this inappropriate manner in front of you, my lady...forgive me"
Dis raised her hand with a soft smile, "you expressed your worry in a most heartfelt manner. That touched me deeply."
Eilin averted her eyes, "I don't know what to say my lady".
Dis sighed, "say nothing. Now it is time for you to wipe the tears away and learn how to act like a proper dwarrowdam".
Eilin looked up perplexed, but did as she was told. She tried to clean her face, "what?"
"You will follow me and we will offer any help we can to our men..." she let that word linger and Eilin eyes fell on her hands.
Her cheeks flushed red again. "Yes my lady".
"In times of need, of danger, of battle, of sickness we stand by their side and give them our unconditional support. We drain our tears so we don't worry them, and stand strong, devoted and brave dwarrowdams by their side", Dis said proudly.
"I am no dwarrowdam my lady", Eilin muttered, but her heart was racing upon the weighty words of the princess.
Dis smiled, "yes you are".
Eilin felt her mouth forming a timid smile.
Dis gave her an affirmative nod, "that's better. Now follow me, we have work to do, for him and for Erebor".
Eilin followed her out and tried to stop her heart from hammering right out of her chest at this discreet acceptance of the princess. She had expected Dis to banish her from the premises and reprimand her, after Thorin revealed to his friends and family that Eilin meant more to him than they had realised.
Apparently she couldn't have been more mistaken.
A/N:
* (son of an orc)
** (my little dove)
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