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Beautiful uncertainties
A/N: Thank you Julie-i-am for correcting my mistakes!
When they were out in the corridor, Balin's door opened up and slowly Thorin's comrades started filing out. The princess told Eilin to attend to the advisor's needs and then go down to the infirmary to help Oin. She was going to the mines to see what she could do about the relatives of the wounded men. Eilin bowed and waited patiently for everyone to come out, before attempting to ask lord Balin if he needed anything.
As Dori came out, his hand landed on her shoulder. Their eyes met and he smiled at her knowingly. She averted her eyes feeling her heart elating at the pleasant countenance of this kind, but also ferocious dwarf, but she didn't have enough time to enjoy that, as Bofur's voice startled her. "You were aiming too high and I was too low".
A burst of nervousness filled her stomach, "You are so mistaken...", she shook her head not knowing what to say to this sudden assault.
Bofur raised his brow coldly, "I am not going to be the only to tell you, but you have created a huge mess, which I don't think Thorin will be able to fix easily".
Eilin blanched and twisted her fingers painfully in order to control her emotions. She remained silent, but her eyes sizzled upon Bofur, who ignored the obvious distress in her and walked away. Bifur who was following, shook his head disappointed. If it wasn't for the happy disposition of Bombur coming after his grim brothers she might have broken down in front of Balin's door. He grasped her shoulder with his heavy hand and leaned over, "Bofur is jealous as hell that's why he's so dismissive and Bifur is too old fashioned to accept what he has seen. Don't give them any notice".
She rubbed her forefinger between her eyebrows, "I never expected Bofur to talk to me this way. I thought we were friends".
"He thought you were much more. He expected a flower crown and someone else got it instead. Give him some time to get used to the idea", Bombur said with a self assured smile, "my brother doesn't have my experience with women. Be patient and don't hold those cold hearted words against him in the future when he will eventually regret them".
"I won't", she shook her head sadly.
"Move out of the way you big piece of lard!" Gloin grumbled and Bombur gave her a wide smile.
She barely had the time to reciprocate when her eyes were drawn at the formidable treasurer who raised his brow testily, "unbelievable". That was his only word, but it was enough to drop her heart into icy water.
"Shut up and leave her alone!", Nori pushed him in turn and Gloin turned to him angrily.
"You in for trouble?" the red headed beast grumbled.
"Don't bully the girl and move out of the way. This whole deal is none of our business. Mind the treasury!" Nori said angrily.
"And you mind your manners!" Gloin raised a threatening finger at him.
Dori's heavy hand fell on Gloin's shoulder and drew him away from Nori, "both of you move away from Balin's door before Dwalin comes out with an axe and beheads you! Poor girl has had enough for one evening. Remember your manners gentlemen".
Gloin pulled away from Nori, but not before showering him with tones of silent warnings. Then their footsteps slowly faded away.
Eilin remained outside the closed door trembling like a leaf, unable to process the warm and cold waves that kept coming from Thorin's comrades. When she was finally completely alone and silence covered the stony walls, she toyed with the end of her apron, not sure what she was supposed to do. After that mixed reaction, she didn't know if she wanted to enter lord Balin's rooms and get another dose of reality. Away from Thorin's arms she was exposed to it and it felt scary and unpredictable. She remembered how much he had consoled her, when he was bloody and exhausted and she instantly felt regret for being unable to handle his comrades with more fearlessness. That thought alone began steeling her heart against every fear. How could she expect something so serious as their involvement to be paved with roses? She knew from the beginning there were going to be difficulties and now it was her time to face them alongside of him, who was certainly going to take the heaviest load. It was her turn to prove her bravery to him, as he had proven his own firm resolve when he revealed his feelings in front of everyone. If he was ready to face them, then so was she.
She called on all her resolution and knocked lord Balin's door. The elder dwarf was sleeping and Dwalin was by his side. He smiled at her, "did those beardless idiots give you trouble?"
She pressed her lips and looked at her boots, "it was expected sir".
Dwalin nodded thoughtfully, "let me and Thorin worry about them, alright? you are ill equipped to deal with them, but don't let them get you down. Especially Bofur. I heard what he said. It was not nice".
She felt her eyes welling, "thank you for understanding, sir".
His eyes remained long on her, "you feel better?"
She nodded.
"Glad Thorin's spontaneous explosion was not pointless", he smirked.
"I hope I prove worthy of his bravery sir".
"If those idiots don't scare you, I am sure you will", he raised his brow.
"I must deal with them. I cannot hide under my bed until this is over", she sounded more certain than she felt.
Dwalin's lips curled up slowly, "takes guts to speak this way".
She bowed slightly, "thank you sir. Can I bring anything up for you and your brother?"
He frowned thoughtfully, "Is food too much of a demand under the circumstances?"
She smiled timidly, "of course not sir. I will cook something and bring it up".
"Thank you", he said and turned his attention to his sleeping brother as Eilin closed the door behind her.
She pulled her messed hair back in a ponytail, ignorant of how bloody her clothes were from her tight embrace with Thorin and how much of a dead giveaway that was on it's own about how close they had been in his rooms. First she went to the infirmary, her eyes eager to catch a glimpse of him. Dori told her quietly that he was still down at the deep mines. She found Oin, who eventually used her as a nurse with many reassuring words that made her feel less like an intruder and more like a useful member of this city. She dressed up wounds, cleaned dirty faces, and comforted wives and children for a long time. When everything seemed to settle down at the infirmary it was already late afternoon. Oin released her off duty and she rushed to take care of Dwalin's promised dinner.
Despite her fatigue and anxiety for Thorin she cooked two large pots of porridge and then ordered two service girls to bring them up along with spoons and wooden bowls. She first went through the infirmary and offered food to all the wounded and their families along with Oin who had fallen asleep on his chair. He took his food gratefully and offered her the most sweet smile she had seen from him. Then she went up and served Dwalin and Balin who in the meantime had woken up. She expected some kind off scolding from the King's advisor, but he only told her to go take a bath and get some sleep because she looked at the end of her teether. He automatically avoided anything that had to do with Thorin. When Eilin finished she tried to find the princess, but Dis was nowhere to be found.
She returned to the infirmary and left the remaining pot for the soldiers that had brought up the wounded. Then she dragged her legs down to her rooms. When the door closed she collapsed on her bed and remained there half asleep, half waking up in terror as Thorin's bloody image broke through her confused dreams. Finally she gave up. She was unable to sleep until she knew he had returned safely to his rooms.
She picked up some fresh clothes, and forced herself to take a bath at the hot springs. When she returned to her room with her hair dripping wet and her body painful and tired beyond belief, she didn't lay on her bed. She sat in front of a rather plain mirror and stared at her face. Her eyes were red, her nose almost purple and her cheeks on fire. Her lips were trembling slightly and her fingers were frozen. Her hair was a wild, untamed, unbrushed mess around her. Just the way he liked them.
His bloody clothes, his pale face and his desolate eyes returned angrily to make her numb. She broke down with a fresh onslaught of tears that were even more violent now under his absence….until a soft knock on her door made her look up. A faint gleam of hope burned through her torn heart and she lunged to the door hoping to see him there. When she opened it though she had refrain from looked too disappointed "my lady".
Dis's experienced eyes caught that immediately. She entered holding a wrapped up blanket, "You were expecting him?"
Eilin shook her head, "no my Lady".
Dis looked around her room, "I'd rather we didn't lie to each other".
Eilin's eyes burned the stone floor, "I hoped that it was going to be him", she admitted.
Dis nodded, "I haven't seen your room".
Eilin remained silent.
Dis pressed her lips, "It's rather nice. Feels warm and welcoming".
Eilin stippled her fingers anxiously.
"Much like you", Dis added and placed the blanket on her bed.
"Thank you my lady", Eilin whispered.
"You don't have to look so terrified…Oin said you helped him a lot".
"I tried my best", she wasn't able to raise her eyes at the princess.
"You did very well. A true dwarrowdam, like I said", Dis smiled.
Eilin blushed.
"Were you trying to get a hold of me?" Dis looked at her.
"I tried to find you my lady to give you some food, but I couldn't", Eilin looked up briefly and then averted her eyes.
Dis's lips turned up in a sad smile, "I went down to the destroyed furnace to help Thorin and my son. I came up not long ago".
Eilin looked up sharply at that, unable to stop her reaction and Dis smiled.
"He is fine. He looked much worse than he was. I left him at his office with Fili and Dain about half an hour ago", the princess reassured her.
Eilin felt her knees unlocking. She grabbed hold of her chair to keep standing. The sobs that had been hiding under her skin held back by her fear, were now released. "thank you my lady", her voice was barely heard.
Dis approached and took hold of her elbow, "He is really alright. I think you should sit down". He led her to the chair and Eilin dumped herself in it.
"I am sorry my lady. I am not acting as bravely as I would have wanted. As a dwarrowdam would have acted", she sniffled.
Dis gave her a lopsided smile, "you think dwarrowdams don't cry for their men?"
Eilin flicked her shoulders, "I don't know how I am supposed to act to fit that description".
"You fit it perfectly", Dis caressed her hair gently.
Eilin covered her face with her palms and sighed deeply, "thank you for making me feel accepted my lady. I have never belonged anywhere".
Dis picked up a brush from the side of the table and looked at Eilin's hair critically, "Did you just take a bath?"
"Y-es", she wiped her eye with the back of her hand.
Dis began brushing them gently, making Eilin's mouth drop open with disbelief, "You need to learn how to brush your hair after taking a bath. It is much easier, than letting them dry out and then trying to go through them. Especially hair of this length with such heavy curls".
"My lady, you shouldn't be brushing my hair", she whispered in heavy disbelief.
"Don't tell me what to do young lady," Dis chastised, but her mouth was smiling.
Eilin shut her eyes tight and felt her body quivering, "I am sorry my Lady".
"Does he like them like this?" Dis raised her brow as she worked meticulously through Eilin's thick mane.
Eilin felt her mouth hanging open and gave a small nod.
Dis noticed her expression and shook her head, "It's so like him…."
Eilin frowned.
Dis flicked her shoulder, "I bet he loves them untamed, right?"
Eilin shuddered and was unable to utter a single word. Her tears quickly dried out from the gentle way the princess was treating her.
"He was never a fan of fixed hair. Haven't you noticed how few beads he has on?"
Eilin nodded transfixed.
"He's only got two warrior braids, when according to his battle experience he should have had braids even on his eyebrows", Dis grinned.
Eilin snorted and covered her mouth, unable to stop that unexpected image from pushing her fears further off.
Dis nodded, "He likes free, untamed, thick hair and yours is really exceptional", Dis said and untangled the ends of her locks.
"He does?" Eilin whispered.
Dis nodded and pulled back some thick strands near her temples and resumed her brushing, "Hasn't you already told you that?"
Eilin blushed and looked at her hands.
Dis smiled knowingly, "of course he has…what a silly question".
Eilin looked up fleetingly.
"Did he try to brush them for you?" Dis looked above Eilin's head on the mirror to catch her eyes.
A gentle fire lit in their depths on that memory. "oh, yes".
"It's part of dwarven courting to brush each other's hair", Dis explained.
Eilin averted her eyes and felt her cheeks glowing red on remembering how much he had taken care of her every time they found each other so passionately, yet him brushing her hair warmed up her stomach in ways she would have never imagined possible, "It is a beautiful custom".
Dis smiled widely, "I think that a couple of braids would have enhanced your natural beauty though".
Eilin raised her hand and touched Dis's gently, "My lady, why are you treating me so kindly?"
Dis freed her hand and smirked, "Haven't I treated you with kindness since the first moment I met you?"
"Yes, but what you are doing now is another level of kindness.", Eilin tried to find her eyes.
"You are not just a maiden anymore. You are the woman who drew the attention of my difficult brother and that says a lot about the quality of your character. You are the first woman that has ever accomplished something so amazing with him", Dis said calmly.
Eilin frowned down at her stippled fingers. Thorin told her that there has been another woman in the past. A woman he betrayed and Dwalin said that his heart had been broken in the past. Didn't his sister know of that story? She decided to keep that knowledge close to her heart and remain silent.
"I am sure that he acted spontaneously in Balin's room and his actions were not very well thought off. Nevertheless they were enough to explain to me why he had been acting so strange lately…" Dis humphed.
Eilin wouldn't have taken a breath even if her life depended on it.
Dis continued, "This couldn't have been done any other way. Thorin is highly secretive of his personal life. This time he lost control and gave us the opportunity to have a glimpse on what's been going on in his heart. A rare occurrence, which confirms how serious he is about all this".
"Can you ever forgive me for betraying your loyalty like this?" Eilin's stomach clenched.
"How did you do that exactly?"
Eilin shook her head not knowing what to say.
"By being enamoured with my brooding older brother?" Dis bit her lower lip.
Eilin hesitated long before nodding.
"Ah, you are just one of many that had fallen into the same trap, but in your case the feelings were reciprocated. An almost impossible feat", Dis flicked her shoulder.
"I am sorry about that then", Eilin didn't even know what she was apologising for.
"Be sorry it didn't happen sooner. My brother's loneliness all these years had pained me deeply. Seeing his heart being awoken, comforts mine in ways that I am not able to put down in words", Dis said and felt her eyes welling.
"My lady, the King is worth a much better woman than me", Eilin frowned.
The princess raised her brow, "Oh I see, it's the guilt trip of rank. Hasn't he settled that for you enough?"
Eilin felt her throat going dry and her fingers turned painfully around each other. She nodded fiercely and then shook her head in negation, not knowing what it was appropriate to tell the princess.
Dis noticed and sighed patiently, "Have I ever spoken to you about my beloved husband Kilskjald?"
Eilin looked up, "No my lady".
Dis began brushing the top of Eilin's hair, pulling them away from her temples and forehead, "My darling husband….I met him at one of the mining tunnels one bleak October day. I decided to accompany my younger brother Frerin down, because I was too bored to stay with mom and help with the chores of the house. Thorin was busy with dad and grandpa, so my next best choice was making Frerin's life miserable. He had to catalogue the amounts of gold, silver and precious gems that had been dug up that month in that particularly deep cavern, as lately it was producing and lot of wealth. They thought they were close to hitting a new gold vein, even though their goal was to get a mithril vein, which was much more rare".
Eilin nodded and searched Dis's eyes.
"That tunnel was full of miners hanging from ropes on every level, but my eyes fell instantly to an impressive blonde dwarf, with an impressive beard. He had his long hair pulled away from his face in a ponytail and the first thing that drew me in was the kindness of his green eyes and the soft smile on his beautiful lips. Can you picture it?"
Eilin's mind was already creating the image of Thorin's handsome face and beautiful azure eyes and she nodded eagerly, "Oh, yes".
"I know it may sound superficial and silly, but right then and there I knew I didn't want to live another day without these beautiful eyes looking at me", Dis mused.
Eilin smiled sweetly, "I know".
Dis looked at her testily for a couple of moments and shook her head with a small smile, "Part of the dwarven courting is for the dam to make all the first moves. I suppose you know that, or did you mess up with my brother?"
Eilin covered her face and snorted feeling her eyes welling up again. How was it possible to feel mirth, sadness and fear at the same time? "It was simply chance that I didn't mess up my lady. I made the first move, but down the road my ignorance made me force him to overlook several parts of the customs, I think", she whispered.
"I am not so certain you can force Thorin to do something he's not willing to do anyway. That means that he might have overlooked everything on his own accord. You see my older brother is a rebel at heart, even though Thrain's heavy hand spank that wild spirit out of him early in youth. I wouldn't find it too surprising if he slipped out of a few decorums here and there. He can become quite the nonconformist if circumstances allow it".
"I've seen that part of him", Eilin nodded quietly.
Dis's lips broke into a small smile, "It stole your heart?"
"Oh, yes", Eilin exhaled with breathtaking honesty.
Dis smiled widely, "He is quite the heartthrob when he forgets all about Durin's folk and the throne of Erebor, isn't he?"
Eilin blushed down to her toes, "yes" she tittered.
Dis shook her head, "Much like my husband was. He stole my heart in a similar manner. Our stories are not so different. Allow me to continue and you shall understand".
Eilin looked at the mirror eagerly, "I am listening my lady".
"So, I had to find a way to show my beloved I was interested, or else he was just going to admire me from afar for the rest of his life, without daring to approach".
Eilin nodded.
"I decided to go down to that tunnel, whenever my brother did to try and catch my husband's eye. And I did. Whenever I was down there, he stopped working and mooned over me and I enjoyed every single bit of attention I got. Then I had to do something more, because playing eyes wouldn't do it for anyone. I decided to make him a flower crown, but in order to give it to him I had to get away from my brothers hawk eyes. So what did I do?" Dis bit her lower lip.
Eilin smiled, "What?"
"I hid in one of the corridors that led to his small home close to the mining caverns when all the city was asleep and waited for the break of dawn to catch him when he was ready to go to work. When the bells called the dawning of the new day, my stomach filled with butterflies and I tightened my grip around his flower crown. It didn't take me long to see him coming out of his abode. When the was closing his door I tiptoed behind him and when he turned I already had my hands extended towards him with the flower crown. I remember how the colour drained from his cheeks and how his eyes were full of disbelief. No words were exchanged between us. I offered it to him and he took it from my hands almost greedily. When I saw the bright smile forming on his lips I ran away".
"What happened then?" Eilin was quick to ask.
"After that it was almost straightforward. He came to find me and we arranged the place of our meetings. Second day in he gave me one of his iron hair beads. Nothing special, but it was more than enough for my heart to sing to his tune. Know what I mean?" Dis asked and picked up the end of one of her elaborate braids to show Eilin her husband's bead, "I never took it off".
Eilin felt her eyes watering.
Dis's hand traced down Eilin's braid and touched Thorin's golden bead, "I wonder how I hadn't noticed that you had a longbeard bead yourself. I might have figured you two out much earlier", she mused.
Eilin averted her eyes, "I am sorry my Lady".
Dis waved her off, "stop asking forgiveness for doing something so remarkable as taking Thorin out of his darkness. He gave you that bead for a reason and I respect his decisions. Now shall I continue with my husband?"
"Yes please!" Eilin begged.
Dis smiled, "As you might have already figured out, our relationship was not easily welcomed because of our ranks. How could a princess of the crown marry a miner?"
Eilin's eyes darkened, "How indeed?"
"My father was the one that made the most fuss when he found out, even though my mother and my brothers knew much earlier than him. Especially Thorin who made Kilskjald's life a living hell until he was convinced that my husband was ready to sacrifice his life for me. He always does that to anyone that approaches me. Now it's poor Dongar getting all the heat".
Eilin smiled in sudden understanding, "Oh that's why he made me give him your dirty laundry".
Dis raised her brow, "one of Thorin's idea of ridicule. Oh well, Dongar passed with flying colours".
"So what did Thorin say about Kilskjald?" Eilin asked with a frown.
"He didn't say. He did. He was the one that saved my marriage," Dis face became radiant.
Eilin's lips opened up in a sweet smile and she waited with her breath held.
"My mother liked Kilskjald, but she agreed on our marriage only if my father agreed. My brother Frerin was changing moods according to who he was talking. Mother or father. I couldn't get a footing with him, but I didn't care about either my mom or my younger brother. I knew the final word was going to come out of my dad's mouth, but I also knew that my older brother had the power to change his mind. So I concentrated more on Thorin's opinion about Kilskjald".
"And?" Eilin urged her on.
"At first he was quietly observant and I knew him well enough not to hurry things. He needed his time to ascertain that Kilskjald loved me and I allowed him the opportunity to do so. I knew how much my husband loved me and that he was going to prove his feelings, and I trusted my brother's fair judgement. If he was persuaded of our mutual love, then he was going to work for us, not against us…and his support was invaluable", Dis said and began making a long braid from one temple to the back of her head.
"Did he support you?" Eilin asked.
"He passed Kilskjald through the fires of Mount Doom and my poor husband sustained every ridicule and harsh treatment, but in the end Thorin was persuaded".
Eilin's smile brightened up her whole face.
Dis steadied one of her braids and then took over the other side, "my big scary brother thinks I don't know it was his heavy hand that turned my father's stubbornness around when Thrain was adamant to break us up. My mother told me it was Thorin that stormed dad's office and exchanged many words with him about us. Mom didn't know what they told each other, but Thorin's intervention had been enough to allow me to wed the love of my life no matter our difference in rank. Father blessed our union and we wed in a small closed ceremony of family and friends. I never regretted marrying him and neither did he. We brought into this world two proud princes of Durin's folk. In the end even my father and my grandfather loved Kilskjald like a son and he protected them to his last breath in the battle of Dimrill Dale. As for their grandchildren, they proved brave and courageous commanders of Thorin's army and stood by the side of my brother in battle like my husband had done for my father, till they fell". Dis's eyes welled up.
The brightness of Eilin's eyes got diminished slowly.
Dis shook her head to dissipate the dark thoughts, "Difference in rank…", she humphed, "…If my brother thinks I am going to cause him trouble about choosing a maiden over some rich dame, he is mistaken", she whispered.
Eilin wiped away a single tear that escaped her eye.
"He supported my impossible marriage to a miner, against the fierce personality of my father. I am going to support his impossible decisions for you, against the whole of Erebor if need be", she said and finished Eilin's long braid down the back of her head.
"I don't know what to say my lady", Eilin felt her heart opening up to the princess.
"Do you love him?" Dis's hand caressed down her braid and her eyes seared on Eilin's through the mirror.
Eilin focused on her with a clear face that bespoke of the honesty of her deep feelings. She nodded, her cheeks streaming with new tears, "more than life".
Dis's countenance mellowed up and she caressed Eilin's hair again, "I guess both him and me decided to choose people that would go against Thrain's advice", she mused at the mirror.
Eilin kept her crying eyes on the princess, not wanting to lose a single word or expression.
Dis turned around and went to her bed. She touched the blanket, "I've brought you a couple of clothes. From my cupboards and from Valdis".
Eilin turned around sharply, "you shouldn't have my Lady".
Dis smiled back at her thoughtfully, "You barely have enough clothes to go by and you are always wearing the ones that bare his sigil, although I presume that is something you like".
Eilin stood up and felt her knees unsteady, "I don't know what to say".
Dis smiled and admired Eilin's beautiful countenance more like a mother than a sister in law "I was right. An artful braid enhances your natural good looks".
Eilin bit her lower lips and blushed.
"Now clear up your face and go to his rooms. He must be there now. When I left him, he was totally exhausted", Dis advised calmly.
"Thank you my Lady", Eilin said and her knees unlocked. She bowed to the ground for this amazing woman that had accepted her so openly.
Dis tried to pull her up, "Come on, stand up".
Eilin resisted, "No, please my Lady, let me find words good enough to show you my gratefulness for giving me this chance. Hadn't it be for you I wouldn't be here now".
Dis smiled, "Your honesty and loyalty gave you this opportunity, not me. When you returned my diamond bead you proved your untouchable character. So thank your impeccable ethics. They are the ones that landed you here. Your ethics are hard to find even in the most polished corridors of the most intricate dwarven city, much less in the gutter of that tavern you were raised in. Judging by how few good things I have heard about the people that raised you, I have to come to the conclusion that your honourable traits were passed down by your parents. Unfortunate it is I cannot shake their hand for bringing you to life".
Eilin was sobbing so hard her body was shaking from head to tow, "thank you…thank you".
Dis pulled her up, "Now go up to him. I will talk to you tomorrow", she said calmly.
When the door closed Eilin felt her body releasing. After tonight, she knew that things would never be able to return to how they used to be. Not with her feelings towards Thorin. Not with his friends and not with his family and she had to deal with the burden of it all. She stood like a statue in front of her door, replaying her emotional encounter with the princess for a long time, before the image of a bloody Thorin made her run out in the corridor with the unbearable need to see him.
"Thorin can you hear me?" Oin nudged him.
Thorin's brows came together in annoyance, "I can both feel you and hear you and I want neither".
Oin shook his head, "you are lucky I didn't decide to stitch you up again. Look at you, just look at your poor wound".
"You'd be out for a death wish if you tried to. Now finish, I need to rest", Thorin's eyes drooped heavy.
Dwalin had his hand over his mouth and his eyes were looking at Thorin ardently, "why, why didn't you tell me you were bleeding you fool?"
Thorin's lips pursed, but he remained silent with his eyes closed.
Dwalin placed his hands on his heavy belt and looked at the balcony, needing to keep himself in check, "I want to make your life hell for what you did to me today".
Thorin's lips twitched into a ghostly smile, but he was already falling into a deep slumber. He got drawn there by his extreme fatigue unwillingly. He wanted to tease his best friend with a clever comeback or two, but his body had already decided that it didn't want to speak. His mind flashed with images between reality and dreams for a few more seconds, before the world of dream won the match easily.
Oin pursed his lips and made a tight knot on his fresh bandage, "he's asleep, keep your threats for tomorrow".
Dwalin winced and rubbed his eyes roughly, "I will, you can be sure of that!"
"Oh, you old fool, stop crying", Oin waved him off, "both your brother and Thorin are fine".
Dwalin shook his head and his lips pressed so hard they paled, "He was kneeling down when he send me away. You know why?"
Oin shook his head.
"He was too weak to stand up and I didn't even realise. I was so scared about Balin that I didn't give my best friend any notice", Dwalin's voice was full of guilt.
"Give it a rest. I would have done the same. Those moments were saturated in fear and confusion", Oin said calmly and crossed his arms. "He lost a good amount of blood indeed, but it was nothing he cannot handle. Now stop gravelling on top of him, you are making my stomach turn with all this soppiness".
Dwalin placed his wide palm on Thorin's forehead to make sure he was cool. The King made himself more comfortable and his breathing became heavy again.
"He didn't tell me anything on purpose. He didn't want to worry me", Dwalin said and wiped the perspiration from his brow.
Oin shook his head, "there we go again".
"He almost bled to death in order to help me and my brother", Dwalin continued his tirade.
"And everybody else in that damn mine! What he did for those poor miners and his selfless actions are already blowing out of proportions all over Erebor. He could have ordered others down there in the midst of hell in his stead, but as usual he took the lead with little consideration for himself. He hasn't changed one bit. People understand, people appreciate and they never forget. His qualities are rare and common people are not fools, they know. As for you...what did you expect from him? You two are as close as anyone can get". Oin sounded truly annoyed by Dwalin's emotional breakdown.
"I love the bleeding bastard", Dwalin said and averted his eyes.
"You and all of Erebor and he will need that love soon enough from what I've been told", Oin raised his brow knowingly.
"He's in a difficult turning point and he will have to take challenging decisions soon, that's true".
Oin pursed his lips, "Then trust in the support he gains from the people with his fair judgment, kindness and selflessness".
Dwalin crossed his arms, "I'd trust more in his ability to handle difficult situations masterfully and less in the loyalty of the common people to him".
"Trust in both. He will need them both", Oin tilted his head.
Dwalin nodded thoughtfully, "maybe you are right".
When the door knocked, they both looked up, but no one spoke. It cracked open and Eilin appeared, "Hello?" She whispered, but on seeing the other two dwarf-lords she pulled back, "I am sorry, I will come back later". She made to close the door, but Dwalin's voice stopped her.
"We are done here, come in", he sounded as tired as he looked.
She opened the door and entered timidly, "I am not bothering?" She looked first at Dwalin and then at Oin.
"No lassie. He is fine. He fell asleep as I was patching him up. He was as exhausted as I am", Oin yawned.
"And me too", Dwalin rubbed his forehead.
"Did he lose a lot of blood?" She approached the bed.
"Nothing he couldn't handle", Oin closed his satchel and stood up. He almost lost his footing and caught himself at the back of the chair with the help of Eilin.
"Do you need help sir?" She asked.
"I need sleep. You will remain I suppose?" Oin raised a brow at her.
She looked timidly at Dwalin and nodded.
"Very well. Don't worry, he needs nothing more than a good night's rest. Try not to wake him up", Oin adviced and walked to the door, followed by Dwalin.
"Goodnights Sirs", she said and crossed her hands timidly in front of her apron.
"Goodnight", Dwalin's voice reciprocated and the door closed behind them.
Eilin turned at him and exhaled a whole bout of unease. She saw the blanket tangled at the bottom of his feet. He had apparently passed through the hot springs as he was clean and his hair was mildly wet, but he was wearing one of his royal trousers with his sigil on the knees instead of his long johns. He was naked from the waist up. She leaned over and blew out the candle on the side table next to her. Then she walked to the fireplace and refurbished the fire until it was blazing hot. She blew out the other candle and made sure the heavy velvet maroon curtains were well drawn in front of his balcony and the window was securely closed to keep the heavy snowfall out. She went to the foot of his bed and untangled the blanket, then she rounded the bed and climbed on it, next to him. She pulled the blanket up to his waist and remained above him like a sentinel. Eating him up with her red eyes. Leaning on her elbow, she extended her small hand and rested her palm just above the heavy buckle of his belt, on the thin line of dark hair on his stomach, "are you okay?" She whispered and her eyes followed her hand as it traced the line of hair up to his bandage. There she lingered and felt the first tears releasing from her eyes. Her palm spread protectively above his wound and she imagined the clean bandage getting stained by fresh blood again. His bloody image returned to her mind with a vengeance and she turned her head to her shoulder. She palmed her mouth trying not to wake him up by her crying. Her fingers pressed him gently. When she felt safe enough to release her mouth and not utter a single sound of pain, she lifted her head again and her eyes fell on his broad chest that was moving with his steady breathing.
Her palm rested at the small dip between his wide collarbones, and there she felt his heartbeat strong and steady, pumping her with hope about the next day. How much had she feared for his life today? Her affection towards him, had blossomed to such serious extends that her worry about him had become almost insufferable. She reached up and caressed a thick vein at the side of his neck and pushed his hair away from his temple, revealing his big pointy ear. Her eyes mused on the thick golden earring on top it. Then her eyes returned at the vein on his neck and she felt the need to press her warm lips on it, in order to feel his pulse. Maybe inhale his heartbeat and reassure herself that he was alright. Instead she pushed herself up until the tip of her nose was buried in his hair, drawing in deep whiffs of his aroma and her heart skipped beats in order to align with his. Then her mouth opened up and the words came out of it with such heavy sincerity, that more tears sprang out of her eyes and ran like hot rivers at the side of her face, getting trapped onto his beard.
"I love you".
She gave him a tender kiss on his earlobe and leaned her head heavily on his chest. Her leg came above his thigh and she snuggled against him as she pulled the heavy blanket over both of them. She closed her eyes, knowing that after her confession and the assurance that she had his strong heartbeat under her ear, she could sleep well. She didn't see the small twitch of his brows or didn't feel the slight shifting of his breathing. She felt his hand, that up till then was resting on the pillow, coming down to wrap around her waist. He enfolded her onto him and she sighed feeling solaced beyond belief. Then his other hand came up and rested heavy above her shoulder-blade just as she was about to doze off, feeling more secure than she had ever felt in her life. His head turned to her long after her breath became steady and his lips planted a warm kiss on the top of her head. Inside her daze she didn't know if he enclosed her so close to his heart because he heard her words, or because he felt her presence.
She entered the world of dreams with that beautiful uncertainty.
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