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A/N:
- This chapter is devoted to StephCalvino for her wholesome participation in this story. Her reviews and our conversations are truly helping me create it. This chapter came alive from one of her ideas. I appreciate your help so much my friend!
- I want to thank the guests for their reviews here, because I cannot do it in PM. Every single word counts, believe me. xx
A most unexpected entr'acte
The next morning instead of waking up in Thorin's arms, feeling his skin against hers and his breath steady under her ear, Eilin found herself sprawled like a starfish with the heavy quilts entangled between her naked thighs. The room was very warm due to the blazing fire under the hearth, but when she squinted towards the drawn curtains, she caught a glimpse of the blizzard whiplashing nature outside. A snow storm that thankfully couldn't touch them inside the safety of Erebor.
"Thorin?" She mumbled hoping that he was somewhere in the room and her freshly awoken mind didn't notice him.
No answer.
It was too early for him to get up in order to take over Erebor, so something must have called on his attention and he left during the early hours of the morning whilst she was asleep. She was beginning to get used to his erratic working hours and him being torn between so many people. He was burdened by obligations her mind was unable to process during every moment of their days and nights. He was not a ruler who was simply sitting on his throne overlooking what everybody else was doing. He was hands on everything that concerned his stronghold inside and outside and he didn't stop to rest until he was satisfied that Erebor was running smoothly. So him rushing off to take care of something in the middle of the night was not that surprising to her.
She stretched contently and felt the soft fabric of the sheets rubbing against the back of her legs. Then she grabbed a pillow, placed it between her legs and snuggled against two more. If she couldn't have him here to cuddle, she'd do it with the pillows. She was ready to close her eyes in order to enjoy her sleep once more, but the gnawing thoughts of what he had done to her last night came to torment her. She forced herself to calm down as they began to warm her up from the inside out.
She tried to fall asleep, but each time the images returned and with them an itch she couldn't scratch. Finally after a good amount of time were she tossed and turned she gave up and pushed the covers away from her naked body. She stood up and rounded the bed in order to pick up her clothes from the armchair and get dressed. Since she couldn't get any sleep, she'd start work early. Then she would have more time with him in the evening to maybe repeat what they did last night. As she was kneeling to pick up her boots, she saw the burned remains of a scroll at the grating on the hearth.
She frowned and leaned closer to take a better look. Why would Thorin burn a scroll in their fireplace? She gazed at it suspiciously for a few moments, trying to decide if she wanted to pick it up or not. If it was a meaningless message why would Thorin go through the trouble of burning it? She pursed her lips and picked it up. Only a single word was untouched under all that soot.
"Truth."
Maybe she could ask him later what this message was all about. She threw it back into the fireplace letting it burn to ashes. Or maybe she shouldn't tell him anything. Why would she get involved in the business of the King? What did she know about messages or any kind of royal duties that Thorin was taking care off all the time? Instead of allowing her mind to create conspiracy theories about that burned scroll she decided to dress up, but as she did a vague thought flashed through her mind and made her stop suddenly. Her eyes fell to the fire that had destroyed the scroll completely.
Did he leave so early because of this burned scroll perchance? Maybe it was saying something very important that demanded his attention.
"No, come on, don't be an idiot." she reposted.
Why would he burn it? Maybe he did so because it made him mad about something.
"Or maybe he didn't want anyone to see it!" she rejoined with a hiss.
Anyone or you? the voice poked.
"Do you have any idea how many messages a King must be getting everyday? Shut up already!" she muttered and kicked her boot in with a tight jawline.
The inner voice fell silent.
"It's not as if I have a clue what it is like to rule a Kingdom. I should mind my own business and not try to stir things," she whispered making sure she had the last word over her mind. Rather pleased that she had managed to shut herself up, she made it for the door, but the moment her hand touched the handle it banged with such urgency that she screeched and took a step back. "What in the name of …" she mumbled.
"My lady, are you in?" It was Loa's voice and it sounded terrified.
Eilin blanched and threw the door open, "Loa?"
The poor woman fell into her arms with a wail of pain that raised Eilin's hair to attention, "my daughter!"
"Calm down! What happened to little Lis?!" Eilin pushed back in order to see the woman's broken features.
The woman began hitting her tight fists upon her temples in hysteria. "I don't know! I woke up to get ready for work. We have so many clothes to wash and then cook lunch and…and…and…" she was clearly unable to get to the point.
Eilin grasped her by the shoulders and jerked her. "Lis! Tell me about Lis!"
Loa looked up at Eilin startled. Much like a dear with an arrow piercing through it's neck. Then her ragged voice resumed to the best of it's ability. "She was not there ma'm! My wee daughter was not sleeping in her bed! I didn't see her when I woke UP!" The last word was screamed to Eilin's face. She looked back at two ladies that had escorted Loa to the King's door. They looked similarly terrified.
"Did you look for her?" She asked the ladies.
They shook their heads, not knowing what to say.
"Everywhere! We've been everywhere that she could have went, but Erebor is massive ma'm. There are places in here that are forbidden for dwarrowdams and dwarflings. Dangerous places where people can die! The mines, the shafts, the bottomless wells, the deepest caverns, the forging stations. She was only allowed to be on the first level, at the kitchens at the royal chambers and outside by the river. I am sure she has scattered off on her own in order to feed her overactive imagination. She loves to explore. She wants to learn how the miners work, the forgers, the masons, the builders, the carvers, the soldiers. Above all the soldiers!" Loa spoke quickly, almost without a single breath.
"The barracks? Have you searched the barracks?" Eilin asked quickly.
"Yes, no one has seen her! You have to help me find her! My darling husband died, if she dies too then nothing will be able to keep me alive! HELP ME!" Loa's face broke and she kneeled in front of Eilin's feet.
Eilin came down and embraced her, "I will help you my dear. I shall not rest until we find her. She's going to be alright. Such a high spirited girl with such courage and bravado cannot not get easily harmed. She's somewhere around Erebor, I am sure. Playing out with us. We need to tell the King."
"He's not here either ma'm," Loa cried and grabbed Eilin's lapels.
Eilin frowned and a wave of fear gripped her stomach. "Thorin is not here?"
"I tried to find him ma'm, but he's nowhere. I asked Prince Fili. He's taken temporary rule of the city!"
Eilin pulled Loa up. "Wait a minute what is going on here this morning? Come follow me," she grasped Loa's hand tightly in hers and pulled her along quickly. Not that the older maiden had an issue with that. She was following Eilin rather eagerly.
When they reached the entrance she saw many of Thorin's comrades gathered there. Her first choice of communication was indisputable. "Lord Dwalin, what is going on?" Her eyes looked up at him in clear worry. Prince Fili was right next to him with crossed arms and a set face.
"Nothing, why?" Dwalin frowned confused.
"Loa's child has gone missing and I am also told the King has gone missing too," Eilin's brows rippled with the necessity to learn.
"I don't know about the child, but the King isn't missing." Dwalin raised his brow.
"Where is he?" Eilin took a step closer to him, but it was Prince Fili that replied to her.
"He's taken over the campaign to Ered Mithrin in my stead." Fili smiled kindly, "Worry not my lady."
Eilin felt ripples of apprehension shaking her core. The Prince seemed nonchalant and so did Lord Dwalin. They looked rather calm, as if taking over a campaign was something Thorin would decide on at the last moment without any preparation whatsoever. He didn't come find her this morning in order to bid her goodbye. He never spoke to her about a campaign last night and considering that he was sharing with her many of his worries about Erebor, she found his behaviour rather unexpected and seriously troubling. Whatever these Lords were thinking, that small detail was escaping them. He would have never left her without a word, had things in the world been as serene as she had left them last night. Something serious had overtaken Thorin's mind in order to make him flee Erebor without a word in the middle of the night. These Lords wouldn't believe her if she tried to convince them, but she decided to make a try. She released Loa's hand and approached Dwalin, "He never told me he was leaving my Lord."
Dwalin pursed his lips. "I comprehend your worry, but you must learn how to deal with the fact that you are engaged to the bloody King of this stronghold. He can change his mind and plans according to what he thinks is best for the Mountain at any given moment and he has to answer to no one. If he chose to relieve Fili of the command and take it on himself then he did it for the best."
Eilin swallowed a suddenly dry throat. "I am not judging his decisions. Just the fact that he didn't tell me goodbye."
Dwalin humphed. "I really like you young lady, but you are reading too much into things." He sounded as dismissive as she was expecting him. Coldly indifferent of something that could potentially be a very serious situation.
Fili turned to her. "Worry not Eilin. He told me to give you his farewell."
She approached the Prince with courage. The sudden apprehension about Thorin erased all her uncertainties about showing a bold conduct towards Thorin's nephew. "Did he look alright? Was he agitated, did he seem worried? Maybe angry?" her voice echoed deep with her worry.
Fili's face darkened with an uncertainty that she recognised immediately. It created tight knots into the pit of her stomach. "He was fine, believe me. Don't worry." His words sounded reassuring, but his countenance was anything but that.
"You are not convincing my Prince. The King wouldn't have left without telling me personally goodbye. There was a half burned scroll in our fireplace this morning. Maybe it was an important message that caused him leave so suddenly?" She asked solemnly.
Fili opened his mouth to reply, but Dwalin spoke over him. "He decided to take over a military operation. Thorin does things like this ever since I remember him. Calm down for Mahal's sake!"
She exhaled in frustration. "You are not listening."
Fili pressed his lips. "Eilin I assure you that if there was something eating up my uncle's mind, then it is not me that should relate it to you. Firstly I don't meddle with the King's personal business and second I have no idea if something is really going on. He will speak of his worries, if there are any, when he is ready...and as he's not even here right now I think there is no reason to be discussing this. Correct?"
"Yes!" Dwalin threw his hands in the air. "Finally some logic speaking instead of emotion."
She gave Dwalin an annoyed glance and the Prince an uncertain nod. "I will try not to worry too much, but that will be hard to accomplish until I see him again."
Fili reached out and grasped her shoulder. "Ask mother. She'll give you some tips on the toil of being a Longbeard's fiancee!"
Dwalin laughed heartily at that. "He's the most obstinate of us all. Good luck there young lady, I don't envy you."
Her lips played with the prologue of a troubled smile and then she suddenly remembered Loa that was weeping next to her. "I will ask her my Prince. Have any of you seen Loa's little girl roaming around the barracks or the forest alone by any chance?"
Fili shook his head.
"No, but I will notify everyone to keep their eyes open." It was Dwalin that answered.
Eilin bit her lips. "Thank you."
Dwalin turned his attention to Fili and Balin that was coming over to them. Eilin pulled back discreetly and turned to Loa. "Come on dear, we need to search this place high and low. No one is going to rest until we find our wee girl. I am here for you. We are all here for you." She tried to sound reassuring about Lis, even though both her mind and her heart were screaming that something serious was written in that scroll. Something that drove Thorin away from Erebor in the blink of an eye. Something she had no way of knowing until he returned.
Three nights a ride away from the Lonely Mountain and Thorin's brigade had finished clearing up the last residential areas upon those mountains. After that attack there would be no more dwarfs left in Ered Mithrin. He felt both defeated and a conquerer. The war he raged against the orcs that were slaughtering the remaining of his kin had been short, vicious and violent. He led the numerous attacks, each time at the frontlines without any consideration for his wound.
His profound voice resounded upon the rolling hills with words of valour that set fire into the blood of his men who followed him fiercely onto battle ready to give up their lives for him. "Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu!"*
His sword slashed through every orc that was unfortunate enough to fall onto his path and his men followed with the same fierceness that had taken over their King and his commanders. The war didn't last long, the remaining orcs retreated quickly and the casualties of his men had been few, but the destruction he came across when he entered the last city was heartbreaking. Dead bodies everywhere. Men and women. Children and elders alike. Fire and desolation everywhere he looked. Homes burned, possessions destroyed, lives taken and for what?
The war he raged may have taken the edge off his confrontation with Nyrthrasir, but the images he was seeing around him now caused him deep grief and despair. He stopped in front of the body of a pregnant dwarrowdam. An axe was embedded in her head and her hands were protectively around the large bump on her stomach. The last thing on her mind was to protect her unborn child whose heart had stopped beating alongside of hers. He stood there with his sword dripping black blood and his face full of dirt. Only the azure colour of his eyes was bright under the fading sun that was spying at them behind the grey clouds. He kept looking at her destroyed head, trying to place the pieces back together in order to see her face.
She looked young and beautiful.
Another life lost for no reason by the darkness of the East. He felt his nape crawling with fresh anger and got ready to continue searching for survivors on the carpet of dead bodies that covered the thick snow, when one of his men stopped in front of him. He was holding by the arm what looked like a rather short soldier.
Thorin frowned down at both of them.
"Found this one hiding in one of the battle wagons Sir" the soldier threw the helmet off the small head.
Thorin's eyes grew wide and his brows raised to the top of his forehead in disbelief, "Lis?"
The little girl pulled her arm free out of the soldier's tight grip, "will you calm down big guy? You'll dislocate my arm!" -Then she turned to Thorin- "my King I am at your service."
The soldier snorted and Lis offered him a deadly glare.
Thorin's countenance played between bewilderment and mild admiration for a few moments. "How the hell did you get here?"
"She hid between the axels of the battle wagon Sir. Don't know how she managed to hold onto it with all this heavy armour," the soldier answered instead.
"I have a good grip in my hands. Wanna see?" Lis challenged the soldier.
Thorin humphed. "At ease," he ordered the soldier who bowed and left.
Lis smoothed down her messed up braids and tried to comp her sideburns in order to look presentable for him.
Thorin licked his lips not knowing how to approach this. He looked like the most uncomfortable of the two. "Lis does your mother know where you are?" Was the first question that popped into his head. The most obvious one.
Lis's brow wavered, "my mom? Oh no!" Her eyes slowly grew wide in terror.
Thorin came down to one knee with the help of his sword, "she doesn't know you sneaked out in order to hide in a battle wagon, does she?"
Lis shook her head petrified, "noooo..."
Thorin raised both brows, "of course she doesn't."
"She will be so worried Sir!" Lis cupped her cheeks terrified.
"And this dawned to you after three days on the road?" Thorin didn't know if he wanted to feel annoyed or amused by what was happening. The realisation that this girl had actually endangered her life in the most courageous manner made him partly forget all the painful reasons that made him take over command of this campaign.
"I didn't think about it Sir. I was too busy trying to hide," Lis said without too much thought.
"Which you managed surprisingly well considering no one figured you out all these days, including me." Thorin retorted, piqued.
"No one thought of looking under the boards of the carriage," Lis forgot all about her mother and grinned at him proudly.
"How did you manage to eat and drink?" He frowned honestly confounded.
"I was sneaking out at night when everyone was sleeping!" She placed her finger on her mouth and shushed him.
"Of course," Thorin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, "that was pretty obvious."
"I did a good job didn't I?" Lis puffed up proudly.
"Of hiding? Impeccable. Was this the reason you tried this crazy endeavour, possibly driving your poor mother crazy? In order to hide?"
Lis's brows came together and she placed her small fist onto her chest. "No Sir! I came to fight by your side!"
Thorin's brows came up again more perplexed than before, "you are what?"
"I want to be a warrior princess like your dame Sir! I want to learn how to fight with a sword and a bow and arrows and I want to learn how to kill boars and orcs and trolls and Nazgul! I want to be the best warrior of Erebor! Mom says that I can be anything I want, if I try hard enough. That's why I came with you. In order to begin to try hard enough!" Lis rejoined heroically.
Thorin exhaled and nodded in understanding. His eyes fell to the dead pregnant dwarrowdam that was a little ways off. This little girl may have not participated in any fights, she may have spend her time mostly hidden under a carriage, but she was seeing the desolation around her now. It needed a lot of courage to witness death at this tender age and not flinch. She was standing in front of him as smugly as ever and her large chestnut eyes penetrating his with a depth he didn't expect to find in a nine year old. "So you want to be a warrior," he said and pushed himself up.
"Yes Sir! I can be the best apprentice you've ever had! Wait…did you ever have any apprentices before?" She pressed her lips with her finger in retrospection.
Thorin's lips turned into a side smile, "I had, yes."
"Did they become great warriors then?" She followed him as he started walking amongst the sea of dead.
"The greatest warriors I have seen," he admitted thinking about his nephews. Then his brows clouded at the image of his boy Kili, laying pale in his grave.
"See? I chose the best soldier to train me…of course the King is always the best, isn't he?" She tittered as she was trying to catch up to his long strides.
"Not always child," he said quietly and wiped away the dark blood from his sword with the edge of his equally bloody tunic.
"Oh, I didn't know that. I thought that since Kings are our leaders then they must be the best…anyway King or not I know I chose the best, because you dame says you are!" Lis rejoined with such a carelessness that Thorin stopped and looked back at her.
She grinned.
"She does?" He asked quietly. His heart pinched him.
"All the time! So you see how I knew I'd find the best teacher in you?" Lis swished her bottom around playfully.
"And it didn't cross your mind to ask me back in Erebor, did it? You had to do it in the midst of the most heated battle…" Thorin raised his brow seriously.
"Uhm no, I wanted to prove to you my worth Sir!" She puffed up.
Thorin stopped and leaned his crossed forearms on the pommel of his sword, "which way did you manage that little girl?"
Lis frowned and looked around her for the first time feeling tackled down. "Uhm," she mumbled.
"By hiding under a carriage?" Thorin pushed.
Lis winced and averted her eyes.
"By that you proved that you have substantial backbone. Sure, you are rather bold. As for worth though, that can be debated don't you think?" He continued.
She bit her lower lip and looked at her boots.
"Did you fight alongside our troops?" Thorin tilted his head.
Lis shook hers.
"Did you even try to raise a sword or an axe?" Thorin continued relentless.
Lis shook her head again.
"Did you face an orc?"
Lis's head came up instantly. "Yeah! He fell near the axels I was hiding under. I saw his ugly face…"
"Mere moments before he died from an axe of a dwarf, correct?" Thorin inclined his head.
"Yes Sir, but I could have done it! I could have killed him! I am a worthy warrior! Try me!" Lis grumbled stubbornly.
Thorin looked towards his muddy boots for a couple of moments, "you endangered your life and probably drove your mother crazy for nothing."
Lis's lip pouted, "that's not true Sir. I came here to fight with you! To learn how to be a war-rior!" Her voice broke.
"You think you are ready to partake in a battle then?" He rebuked with his head bowed low. His eyes were scrutinising the bloody ground.
"Yes!" She cried almost in spite.
He looked up at her eyes that were welling with tears. Then his cold gaze searched around the area until it located it's target. "Udâmai…!"** His deep voice stopped two soldiers that were carrying a wounded orc to a pile of dead bodies in order to burn him. He lifted his gloved hand and beckoned them close. They changed direction and came to him.
"Is this filth seriously wounded?" He spat through gritted teeth.
"Yes."
"Can he hold his own?" Thorin's eyes thinned on the orc.
"Don't think he's battle worthy Sir, no." One of his men kicked the orc who cackled madly.
"Mirdautas vras. Vras gruiuk."*** The orc looked down at Lis and snarled.
Thorin's hard gaze was enough to make the orc lose several ounces of boldness before turning his eyes at Lis. He threw her the Orcrist casually. She grabbed it by the pommel and almost kneeled down by it's weight.
"Du Bekar!"**** he commanded stonily.
The soldiers looked at each other confused and Lis looked up to him overwhelmed. "What?"
He raised his brow and rejoined loftily. "You want to be a soldier and you cannot even recognise a basic command?"
A single tear stood at the edge of her eyes.
"To arms...pick up the sword..." one of his men whispered at Lis.
Thorin's glare was so rough that the soldier winced regretfully and averted his eyes. Thorin turned his callous glare back to Lis that was trembling with his huge sword precariously balanced between both hands and thighs.
"Wield it against this scum," Thorin spat between his tight lips and drew back.
Lis looked at the snarling and spitting orc that was trying to free himself and then at Thorin. The growing fear was clear in her eyes.
Thorin signalled the guards, "release him."
The orc gave out a shrill cry that made Lis screech and pull back. Something she failed to do as the sword was too heavy and drew her back down again.
The soldiers hesitated.
"I said release him!" Thorin commanded.
The soldiers obeyed and the orc ran up to Lis with terrifying ferocity. She tried to lift the sword, but failed and then she dropped to her knees and covered her head bracing for the inevitable impact.
Nothing happened.
She opened her eyes fearfully and looked around. The orc was convulsing from an axe that was buried into his head down to his mouth. His tongue was hanging out. Thorin's hand was at the pommel of that war axe. The orc fell dead at her feet. She kicked the body away and began weeping uncontrollably.
Thorin turned at his soldiers, "dismissed," he said. They bowed and left.
He rounded the orc's dead body and picked up his sword from her feet, "you haven't proven your worth yet little girl. What came after you was a half dead orc. Do you still think you are ready?"
She sniffled and wiped away her runny nose on her sleeve. She tried to look at him, but the sun blinded her. It was shining behind his tall frame seemingly emanating from his body. "I am not ready Sir, forgive me", she whimpered.
"You should ask that from your mother," he replied austerely, but after a few moments of silence he extended his hand to her, "stand up, come on."
She looked at it in apprehension.
"I am not gonna bite…" -he raised his brow- "much." He added with a small up tilt on his lips.
Lis gave him her hand and he drew her up. Her legs looked unsteady and she was trying to wipe her nose again on her sleeve.
"Are you alright?"
She nodded, but then started shaking her head. "I don't think so Sir, no."
Thorin pressed his lips and looked up to the sky at several circling crows. "Let's get you some water and out of this armour."
She looked up at him with newfound hope and gave him a small timid smile, "I am really sorry for what I did Sir."
"You acted on the spur of a moment, upon the call of your heart. I cannot deny that I admire that, but don't always listen to such calls. Process those urges through your mind first, because the heart has no logic. It works only with passion and that can alter our ability to process our actions prudently."
Lis's fingers twisted around her wrist nervously. "What did you just say?"
He looked calmly down, "our heart makes us do stupid things, our mind saves us from doing that."
Her eyes grew wide and her mouth opened, "Oh! I get it Sir. I will not listen to my heart ever again…."
"For something so serious that could endanger your life follow your mind, but other occasions will command that you should follow your heart," a sad smile appeared on his lips.
"How will I know then what to follow? Now I am confused," she frowned feeling better by each passing second this giant King was speaking.
"You won't," he humphed, "no one does."
She grinned, "so you get confused on what to do also?"
"All the time little girl. All the time," he whispered and looked around for someone to take over the kid. That is when Roac cawed above them. Thorin stopped and looked at his old friend as he landed on his shoulder carefully.
"Notify Loa that the child is well and with us," he said quietly.
Roac cawed and flew away. Lis's mouth dropped open, "he can understand you?"
Thorin raised his brows and pressed his lips, "we understand each other."
"How?"
Thorin gave her a lopsided smile, "magic. There is some magic in all of us."
Lis's eyes almost popped out of her head, "Can I talk to him too?!"
Thorin shook his head, "I am afraid Roac and his kin are answering only to the rulership of Erebor."
"If I become a commander of your armies, will he listen to me then?" Lis said in an afterthought.
"I think he would, with the allowance of the King of course," he smiled.
"Perfect! That's another reason to want to become a warrior then!" She hoped around happily.
"Didn't you learn your lesson yet?" His voice turned austere.
She sobered up, "I learned it Sir. I will never run away from my mom, but will you teach me how to fight, back in Erebor? Will you teach me to be a warrior?"
Thorin sighed deeply, "I will find a good soldier to do that for you."
Lis stopped and crossed her arms, "I don't want anyone else. I want you."
Thorin frowned, "Why?"
Lis averted her eyes and hesitated for a long time before looking up at him, "because my father died in your arms Sir. Part of his soul is trapped in you and I want to be close to him...I miss him." Her words were spoken with such honesty that Thorin's countenance faltered.
He tried to keep himself in check and forced a smile, "that was the best comeback I've ever had in my life."
Lis grinned, "does that mean you'll be my teacher?"
Thorin raised his brow, "for that alone, yes."
Lis clapped her hands happily, "I promise never to worry my mom again and to listen to you and do what you tell me and not be a bother and not run after you all the time and eat well, sleep well, exercise…"
He spoke over her, "study. Above all study. Opening up your mind will make you a much stronger person inside out. It's not only learning how to wield a sword, but learning the ways of the world you live in."
Lis nodded, "are you teaching me already?"
Thorin frowned, "indeed I think today was your first lesson."
Lis clapped her hands again. "I loved it, but it also scared me."
"That is what a lesson should do," he rejoined satisfied.
Lis paused for a long time before looking up at him with a newfound sadness in her eyes. "You'll teach me how to be brave also Sir, like you?"
"I think you've got that in your blood already. As audacious as me when I was a dwarfling," he smiled.
"And like my dad?" her voice broke and her eyes filled up with tears.
His brows clouded and he looked at his dirty boots. "Yes."
"Did he die bravely Sir?" she looked up at him eagerly.
"Very." he turned his heavy gaze at her.
"Sword at hand like a hero? like yourself?" she continued.
"Heroes and bravery don't come only in one form. They come in children that dare to hide in battle wagons in order to witness and partake in a war, even though they've got no experience whatsoever" -she beamed up to him- "they come in women that had the unfortunate luck to be born in hell and sustained through it with any means they could, they come in elders that were forced out of their homes by darkness and who didn't hesitate to carry their whole family in their backs in search for a better life, they come in little hobbits that faced huge dragons and in whole towns that got destroyed, but still gritted their teeth against death and desolation in order to be reborn from their ashes. They come in the people you see around you now, gathering their few belongings in order to follow us back to Erebor, they come in mothers who worry about their children and would turn the world upside out and inside out in order to find them" -she cringed then and averted her eyes- "or mothers who died, but still the last thing on their mind was to protect their younglings" -his voice diminished when he remembered the slaughtered pregnant dwarrowdam with her hands upon her stomach- "Little heroes and big heroes come in all shapes and forms, everywhere around you. They don't always wear an armour or wield weapons. They are not always tall and strong, but the strength that resonates from within is immense. Sometimes a simple miner can be braver than a King."
She wiped the tears clean off her face and nodded, "My dad was a hero."
Thorin's heart clenched painfully and he placed his heavy hand on her shoulder, making her knees buckle. "He was. Now come on. Let's get you some food and water."
She placed her small hand into his and followed him.
It was several hours later, in the dead of night, that found Thorin sitting with his back leaning on a large satchel with his knee bend. A pipe full of Old Toby was hanging from his mouth and the light of the fire was toying in his eyes. He hadn't moved from that place ever since they brought the royal tent up and made the fire. Several of his men had joined him in it along with Durar and Dain. The remaining soldiers were sharing smaller tents with their rams and the surviving families they were escorting back to Erebor. They were all patiently waiting out the night and hoping for a calmer weather come the morning. The snow storm outside was still raging, but the sturdiness of their tents was enough to keep them safe during the night. Dain emptied himself at Thorin's side after picking up a rather large piece of meat from the fire, "I am knackered." he grumbled.
Thorin barely heard him. He simply nodded wanting to keep everyone out of his head at that moment. The misery that surrounded the incident with Eilin and Nythrasir had returned a thousandfold now that he had no one to kill or a purpose to fulfil. He should have been wiser. Running away from his problems never helped in solving them. Now he was on his way back to Erebor and he ultimately had to face Eilin, because he was unable to go on without knowing if the words of that filth had been true or not. When he left Erebor he was brimming with rage, as he was returning his anger had been replaced with feelings of resentment and dismay. Towards Eilin? Nythrasir? Her possible betrayal? That man's probable lies. Himself? He didn't know whom those feeling were directed to. He was just trying to fend them off.
"You don't look well either," Dain noticed and took a rather large bite of his food.
Thorin humphed and drew in the smoke deeply, wanting to numb down his senses.
"You my bastard, are a walking contradiction. You led the attack as fiercely as ever and now you look ready to blow out like a candle in the wind," Dain looked at him tentatively.
"I've got a lot on my mind," Thorin said quietly and exhaled all the smoke towards the fire.
Dain shook his head and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I feel you cousin."
Thorin forced himself to look at Dain.
Dain pressed his lips and raised his brow, "I've got a lot on my mind too."
Thorin leaned his arm above his bend knee and his head back to the satchel, settling down. He honestly didn't want to know, but Dain apparently wanted to share his troubles with the brooding King.
"It's family trouble. Before we left Erebor I had a briefing from my soldiers that had escorted Karunn away, remember?"
Thorin closed his eyes.
"Bloody dame dismissed them! She had the audacity to dismiss my men and go onto this bloody trek alone!" Dain sounded furious.
Thorin's lips formed a ghostly lopsided smile.
"But my men are trained. They followed her and the information they brought back to me was really worrying. Why would a dwarrowdam ever decide to visit such an unholy place all on her own..."
Thorin spoke over him, "I understand your worry about your older niece, but I don't want to hear anything about her."
Dain stopped and looked regretfully at him, "you are right. I am just worried. Anyway I notified my brother about everything."
Thorin nodded, "I know how honourable Fain is. Do you think he will try to cover up for his daughter no matter how despicable her actions have already been?"
"No, not Fain. He will renounce her if she acts out of honour, but her mother is another issue. It's her that spoiled Karunn. She was the first child and as girls are rare in births the family all gathered around and began treating her like a jewel. Her mother most of all. She would try to cover up for every mistake her daughter made. When poor Valdis was born, her parents never gave her the attention the first born had. That's why I think she ended up a more balanced dame." Dain said in retrospect.
"My family was rather enthused when Dis was born also. A girl..." Thorin smiled.
Dain humphed knowingly.
"If it wasn't for the fact that my mother was as tough as my father and they let Dis in my care most of the times, I think she would have been spoiled rotten too." Thorin said quietly.
Dain laughed heartily. "You gave her tough love?"
"I gave her a lot of spite and hatred...the love came later in our lives." Thorin smiled sadly.
Dain nodded and fired up his pipe. They remained in calm recollection for several moments before Dain spoke again. "Don't take your menace for Karunn on Valdis, I beg you."
Thorin frowned, "I never did. The girl has a great quality of character. If I am not mistaken my nephew has already taken a liking at her."
Dain smiled pleased, "and her in him."
Thorin smirked sideways. "You seem deeply satisfied."
"Shouldn't I be? The girl is worth it!" Dain said proudly.
"Tone it down a bit, she hasn't gone through my sister's test yet. She's got it coming hard," Thorin rejoined and smiled sadly at the fire.
Dain shook his head, "If they fall in love, let them be. Love is so rare at these forlorn times we are living in."
Thorin's heart fell on that one. Instead of speaking he inhaled the smoke deeply and looked up at the guard who was standing at the opening of the royal tent. "Who is taking care of the little one?" he asked.
"Bráli", the guard replied.
"Bring her over," Thorin said and then leaned back again getting lost into the intricate dance of the flames. His mind created paths and images of his own love for Eilin. A love that four days ago had been shaken by the roots with the most improbable way. He didn't notice the guards bringing Lis in, nor them saluting him. He didn't notice her as she sat a little ways off eating him up with her eyes. He was agonising over the pain that Nyrthrasir's words were causing him still. One moment he was willing to forget his obvious lies and start anew by clearing up everything with Eilin, the next moment he feared these allegations would turn out to be true. It was long after the little girl was led into the tent that he unglued his eyes from the fire to notice her.
"Are you cold?" he asked her.
"No Sir", she replied.
"Have you eaten anything?"
"Yes!" she nodded.
"Take my coat and sleep close to the fire. I don't want to take you back to your mother frozen," he said and threw her his heavy coat.
She buried her nose into the thick fur on the lapels. "Why do you look so sad Sir?"
"I look sad?" Thorin smiled confused down at her.
"Yes, is it because I hid in the battle wagon and came here with you to fight orcs?"
A ghostly smile appeared on his lips. "That caused me great worry. Not sadness child."
"Then what makes you look so sad? Before you looked angry at me for doing this stupid thing, but not sad. I look like this only when I think of my dad," she gazed at her small fingers.
Thorin crossed his arms above his knees and looked at her thoughtfully. "When I think about my father I feel sad also."
She gave him a fleeting smile, "are you thinking of him now?"
Thorin shook his head and averted his eyes to the fire.
"Is it a big secret then?"
He pressed his lips and gave her a tentative side look.
"If it is you shouldn't talk about it. Mom says we must never speak of the secrets others entrufeced to us." She owned a very serious look in her face.
Thorin chuckled and rubbed his forehead, "you mean entrusted?"
She clapped her hands, "that!"
He felt for the first time the need to laugh after learning that nightmarish story about Eilin and fleeing Erebor like the very demons of Mordor were on his tail, "it's not a secret for you."
Lis rubbed her hands, "Okay so tell me then."
He inhaled deeply. "I learned some bad things about someone I love dearly. That saddens my heart deeply."
Lis's mouth scrounged, "Oh!"
Thorin raised his brow and inclined his head as if there was no need for further explanation.
"Was the one who told you the bad things a friend?" she asked in an afterthought.
"Not even close," he felt his nape crawling with anger.
After a few moments Lis spoke again, "why did you believe them?"
"What?" He frowned taken aback.
"If they are not a friend then why did you believe them?" Lis flicked her shoulder.
Thorin's both brows rose, "well I am not sure I believe them yet..."
Lis raised her finger. "I've had Ávaldur tell me bad things about my best friend Halda. I never believed him. I love Halda too much to believe that nasty old Ávaldur!"
"Adult world is a bit more complicated," he responded to her innocence with a calm smile.
"Hey! But you said you didn't really believe them." Lis looked up at him.
He pressed his lips, "I don't know what I believe yet and that saddens me also."
"You Sir are a very confused King." Lis said with breathtaking simplicity.
Thorin's eyes got lost into the dirt in front of him for a long time while his heart was trying to settle down. "I think you are right."
"I'll help you. Listen to me!" her small hand wrapped on the top part of his muscular forearm.
His lips curled up with a ghostly smile.
"You believe your friends. You don't believe those who speak nasty about your friends. Easy enough, wasn't it?"
Thorin shook his head, "you make it seem easy enough."
"Will you do it?" Lis's eyes grew wide open.
"My heart wishes to do that a lot, but I am not sure yet." He admitted.
Lis scrounged her nose. "You are still a confused King."
After a few contemplative moments Thorin smiled at her. "It matters not. Thank you for trying to help me."
Lis straightened her body proudly. "You promised to take me as your apprentice. Now it's my job to protect you."
Thorin huffed. "Protect me or offer me counselling on matters of the heart?"
Lis frowned, "what?"
He patted her shoulder. "Enough. Wrap yourself with that coat and go to sleep. Tomorrow you shall see your poor mother again."
Lis's face brightened up as she snuggled inside his large coat. "I wish I had thought about mom before I sneaked out."
Thorin smiled knowingly. "Such is the fire of youth. It never looks back at the elders. The young need to carve their own path into the world without looking back." When he spoke those words he felt his mouth growing bitter. Hadn't he been such a youth once? Having his whole life ahead of him? Yet the chains that his forefathers threw around his wrists pulled him back and kept him locked into their world for two hundred years. He wished he knew that earlier. Many things would have been avoided then. Many deaths and loses.
Her small eyes sparkled, half hidden behind the thick fur. "I will do that thing with the path you said, but I will never forget my mom, my daddy...and you. Goodnight Sir".
"Goodnight," he gave her a kind smile and his eyes mellowed, but the moment his gaze returned to the fire it became as dismal as before. It took him a long time to fall asleep. Far longer than anyone else. When he decided to lay down with his back to the child, his eyes closed easily and sleep galloped towards him quickly. Inside the daze of his repose he felt a small body scooting close to him until her back touched his. Then she settled down again. A strange sense of safety overtook him out of nowhere and he let all his guards down until deep sleep quickly drew him in.
It was two days later at noon that Erebor's brigade led by the King, appeared on the High Road through the heavy snowfall. It was his crows that had notified his people they were arriving so everyone was by the entrance looking at the horizon impatiently. It was by the grace of the maker that they didn't have any more casualties during their trek back to the Mountain due to the harsh conditions that fell heavy on the already fatigued and wounded families. His war ram was the first one that appeared through the snowy curtain as he was leading on the march. It was Loa that escaped Eilin's tight grip and run down the steps towards his ram first when she saw her daughter cosily sitting in front of the King. It was Eilin that run towards him second and then came his comrades and his nephew.
"Lis!" the desperate mother cried.
Thorin stopped the ram and helped Lis dismount, "mommy!"
Mother and daughter fell into each others arms and embraced tightly.
"You scared me so much, I thought you died. I've lost your father, I cannot lose you too." Loa muttered. Her hands and eyes were checking on every single inch of her child's face to see if she was alright.
Lis clasped her hands, "I am fine mommy!"
Loa's mouth dropped open and her jawline began trembling. Suddenly every single feeling of desperation, fear and despair that she had gone through for her missing daughter came out in the most violent way possible. She raised her hand and slapped Lis so hard that the girl caught her burning cheek and looked back at her mother shocked. "Mom!" she cried.
"How dare you worry me so! Don't you have any mercy for me!?" Loa was fuming.
"I am sorry mom!" Lis was rubbing her cheek and crying rivers.
Thorin dismounted slowly and approached mother and daughter. "Tame your fury woman. Let the child be. She has already learned a valuable lesson."
Loa looked up at him and after a few confused moment she bowed respectfully. "I am sorry I acted like this in front of you Sir. It's totally out of character, but she scared me so much. The whole of Erebor was looking for her until your crows notified us."
Thorin looked down at them disheartened, feeling the demanding presence of Eilin closing in, waiting to get his attention. "She was not harmed and I doubt she will ever repeat this folly."
"I won't Sir! Ever!" Lis's weeping eyes looked at him with devotion.
"Go your mother," he said and Loa embraced Lis tightly and led her away.
Eilin came over at him. He kept his eyes on Dwalin that was also approaching fearing to even look at her, but his body, mind and heart all turned to her in unity. "Hey handsome, are you alright?" she whispered.
His hand came up on it's own volition even though his stomach was in tight knots. His fingers curled around her thin waist and pulled her in until her body was resting on his. Her palms touched his shirt gently, "I am." He replied softly.
"Why aren't you looking at me?" she spoke softly and her fingers caressed his chest.
He forced himself and his eyes seared into hers in trepidation. He was not aware that he was quickly passing down his deteriorating mood onto her as they were connected mentally more strongly than either had ever anticipated.
"Are you wounded anywhere?" she asked clearly concerned.
Only in my heart...
"No."
Her hands came up to his shoulders and her fingers curled around them, holding him tight. Her head leaned on his chest. "You left me without a word. I was so worried about you."
His head took the initiative and turned around to look at her thick red mane. He warmed her head with a soft kiss and caressed her waist tenderly, "I am sorry."
Her hands left his shoulders and wrapped under his armpits holding his shoulder blades tightly. "What happened Thorin? I found a half destroyed scroll in the fireplace. You wouldn't have ever left me without saying goodbye. You wouldn't have left like that if everything was alright, correct?"
He closed his eyes and his jawline tensed. "Correct."
"So what happened? Please tell me for these past few days I am close to going mad and no one believes me that something is wrong. I missed you so much...missed you like mad!" She was trying to get a warmer response from him, but he was not sure he was able to give it.
His heart broke.
An exhalation, partly of relief partly of heartache escaped him and his other hand came up to tunnel through her hair. He felt something unhinging in his mind and she felt it too.
"What's wrong my love? I can feel you." She muttered.
He gritted his teeth and prayed he had stayed out there in the mountains slashing his enemies. That was so much easier than facing this reality. "Allow me to brief my men and come at my office. We need to talk."
He felt her body stiffening at the suppressed warmth of his actions and words. "Of course my love. I will be waiting for you there impatiently."
He nodded and rubbed his nose on the top of her head longing to wake up her scent. His fingers curled painfully around her waist and he placed a shaky kiss on her forehead. "Go." He whispered and raised his crestfallen gaze to Dwalin and Fili that were approaching apprehensively.
She pulled back and bowed respectfully. "My King." She acknowledged and walked inside feeling her hands becoming frozen and her stomach clenching in apprehension. The Thorin that made love to her that night before he vanished, was not the same man with the Thorin that saluted her this afternoon. She really didn't look forward to seeing that version of Thorin alone at his office. Whatever it is that happened in between their love making and today was serious enough to turn her loving partner into a wall of ice that was brewing with hidden tension that she was able to feel only too clearly. As she walked slowly to his office trying to delay the inevitable she tried hard to recall on her actions towards him.
Trying to remember if she did anything to make him angry, to displease him. If it was some unimportant detail she had missed that created this unexpected gap between them. Was it her secrecy perhaps about the pregnancy? The secrecy he despised so much? Suddenly she stopped and cupped her mouth. A large smile appeared under it and all the fear about the meeting dissipated. That was it! He was angry because she was keeping secrets from him and who knows what his mind was expecting those secrets to be!
Oh my sweet man...her mind cooed.
No matter how balanced he looked towards his people as a ruler, Eilin knew a few things more about the demons he was fighting inside. Or at least a part of them. Now in the face of this fresh thought she was certain that Thorin had become angry with her denial to speak about the pregnancy and her heart palpitated with the vision of him coming undone at the seams when she revealed to him the news about their child.
Instead of going to his office, she run down to the kitchens in order to find some flowers. To create the ambiance needed in order to deliver him the news that would change this cold Thorin back to her loving partner. The father of her child. With renewed courage and eyes ready to stream with tears of bliss she entered the kitchens and asked for the most fresh snow flowers she could find. She was going to turn his mood around in the best possible manner! With the most unexpected words! As she arranged the flowers she was whispering the words again and again. Wanting to make sure the pitch of her voice was going to be just perfect when she told him.
"My love you are going to be a father!"
She just couldn't wait to see his face erupting with happiness!
* Axes of the Dwarves! The Dwarves are upon you!
** Comrades!
*** It is a good day to kill. Kill the women.
**** To arms!
A/N:
- Forgive my cliffhangers. Some I admit are on purpose. Others like this one are not. They are just the best place to stop in order to bring in a new important chapter. If I didn't stop here the chapters would be unbearably long and packed with so much info they would be difficult to process. They are long enough already as they are now around 9,000 words each. Thank you for the patience.
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