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A/N:
-Thank you StephCalvino the angel that is helping me create this story for the amazing ideas we discussed about!
-To the Guest (dearreader): I am addressing this here since I cannot do it via PM. Your post brought up Thorin's supposed infertility and since it was mentioned in another site I am uploading this story in a similar manner, I will answer here what I also answered there. The problem was never his, but he was too honourable to put the blame on his One. After a point it just became a certainty for him. A conditioning. In his mind he was cursed. He lived with that notion for one hundred and fifty years and nothing in between happened to shake it off of him. Also in my mind the dwarven males are highly respectful of their females and since dwarrowdams are so few the men are eager to put them up in a pedestal. In any such case it wouldn't have even passed Thorin's mind that his One was either infertile or maybe using some kind of birth control to keep away the babies without telling him. It was an impossibility in his mind that she was either faulty in her body, or deceitful. Thank you for making that note and giving me the opportunity to discuss this as it shows part of the mentality not only of Thorin, but also of all the dwarven race towards their females *.* I am still leaving this open for speculation between these two choices. I might address it later on and settle it down once and for all, I might not. I am not sure yet.
Twilight
Three days later found Dis knocking on Myrna's door. She had been warned by a darkly moody Thorin not to approach Nyrthrasir's home and respect his wife's pregnancy, but he had no answer to give when Dis asked him why he respected the pregnancy of a stranger instead of Eilin's. She knew already why he was not answering. It was the thorn at his side. The thing that made him push Eilin to the floor so violently. The one that caused him to pick up a boiling cauldron of melted iron and catapult it to the wall. The certainty that this child was not his.
His infertility.
Something that Eilin was swearing against. Dis was wavering with indecision about that. Her brother's words about his childless relationship with Siv had been convincing enough, but so had been Eilin's words of loyalty and love for him. Dis knew there was only one person that could solve this mystery for them. This man Nyrthrasir that found her brother during a dark snowy evening and spoke all these horrible words about his one, setting in motion the torturous wheels that were now crushing Thorin's soul out of his body. She wanted to go to him from day one, but Thorin had been seriously forbidding. She remained patiently at the sidelines, watching Eilin unravel in her bed, unable to stand up and Thorin fade away into the darkness of his study. Third day in she decided to take matters into her own hands. It hadn't been hard to check Balin's records and find this man's abode. Ironically the names of him and his wife family had been written down by Eilin's handwriting.
As she made her way down to their home she felt a growing apprehension, thinking that maybe Thorin was right inside the agonising purgatory he was living in now. That she should stay away from them. Maybe meeting with Nyrthrasir or his wife would confirm the allegations about Eilin. If that should happen then Dis's world would also come crumbling down. Was she prepared to learn things she probably didn't want to? As her steps approached the accursed abode of the man that send the already burdened life of her brother to hell, slowly her fear took the back seat to a seething anger and a dire need for revenge. When she finally located the house and was ready to knock on the door her anger had turned into barely controlled wrath and she felt uncertain she'd be able to keep herself from striking Nyrthrasir down instantly. When the door finally opened, it wasn't a man standing there, but an elder dwarrowdam who was in obvious emotional distress. She wiped her eyes away with a handkerchief, "yes? What can I help you with?"
Dis buttoned up, "I am princess Dis."
The elder bowed slightly. "My lady, thank you for coming, but I am afraid you arrived too late. Come inside. Lady Myrna is in a dire state."
Dis frowned confused, but used the opportunity to enter the dimly lit abode. They passed from an antechamber that was full of armours and swords. Apparently this was the home of a military man. When the elder led her through the nicely arranged kitchen she found herself in front of a group of ladies surrounding a woman that was shivering on a bed. She was sobbing and moaning half in and out of consciousness. The elder showed her in, "this way my lady."
Dis nodded and proceeded, having no idea what she was getting herself into. Maybe she had located the wrong house, but instead of asking clearly and leaving in case of a mistake, she felt obliged to attend to the obvious distress of this woman, "Is she alright?"
"Unfortunately no my lady. She just lost her baby." The woman said and wiped some stray tears on her cheeks.
"What happened?" Dis turned to the old dwarrowdam.
"Her husband has been involved in an accident my lady. He's not dead, but they cannot revive him. He's in a coma. Lady Myrna found out the news this morning. We found her on the floor bleeding. Poor woman. Poor child...poor family." The woman said regretfully.
Dis looked confounded at the half unconscious woman and reached out to caress her hair. "Her husband. Is his name Nyrthrasir by any chance?"
Myrna howled in pain and twisted her body painfully. The old dwarrowdam grabbed Dis's elbow. "My lady, please don't use his name now. She's in distress. Yes, that is Myrna's husband."
Dis felt her eyes tearing up at the obvious agony of this woman and thought of Eilin that three days ago almost lost her baby. She cupped Myrna's forehead and whispered softly. "I am so sorry for your loss my dear. I hope Mahal shall bless your heart with peace and your husband with health."
Myrna cried and tried to pull away from Dis's grasp. The princess stood up and respectfully walked back a few steps. "I am so sorry. I came at a very inappropriate time. Maybe you should bring the lady up in the infirmary and let Oin take a look at her, just to make sure her womb emptied up completely. There is a possibility of complications."
The old dwarrowdam bowed. "We will take her up my lady when she stops trying to twist out of every hand that is trying to help her."
Dis swallowed heavily, "I think I should go then." She pointed at the door.
The old woman escorted her but before Dis stepped out she grasped her arm gently. "May I have a word my lady now that Myrna is not listening to us?"
Dis frowned, "Of course."
"Her husband was not involved in an accident. We told her that to protect her heart. Myrna is a very sick woman. She already lost her poor baby, if she knew her husband tried to commit suicide she'd die on the spot," the old woman whispered and looked above her shoulder to make sure Myrna was not listening.
"He did what?!" Dis's voice elevated and her face paled.
"He hang himself by a rope above the deepest mining chasm of the fifth level. Some miners found him this morning barely alive. He failed to snap his neck. He still had a faint heartbeat on him. We decided to lie to Myrna to protect her. Please don't speak of this to her. It will destroy her." The old woman squeezed Dis's hand.
Dis reciprocated. "Worry not. I shall not speak. Where have they taken him?"
"Up at the infirmary. That's why we are not taking her up there. In order not to see him. I used that small lie about her dire condition in case she was overhearing us. Forgive me ma'am."
"Is Oin looking after him?" Dis frowned.
"The medical dwarf-lord, the King's cousin. Yes, ma'am." the woman bowed.
Dis straightened and looked back at the Myrna miserably. Well, apparently Thorin's wish had come true. He didn't have to hang Nyrthrasir from the highest rampart after all. The man had done it to himself above the deepest chasm of Erebor and now the only man that could reveal the truth about what happened was unable to do so. She swallowed a suddenly dry throat and nodded at the woman, "I have to go. If you need any help with this woman, please don't hesitate to seek me out."
The dwarrowdam bowed, "thank you for coming my lady. We all know how caring you and your brother are to your people."
Dis pressed her lips, feeling slightly bothered that she didn't come here out of interest for this pregnant woman, but in need to strike down her comatose husband for ruining Thorin's life. She gave a haughty tilt of the head and found her own way out. With her determination faltering along with her hopes she made her way quick up to the infirmary, but when she entered the last person she was expecting to find next to Nyrthrasir was her very own Dongar. All the blood drained from her face.
"What are you doing here?" she whispered at him.
He stood up immediately and put his arm around her waist to steady her, "I am looking after one of my best friends from the Ironhills my lady."
She felt her heart palpitating and sat down at the chair, "Is this man your best friend?"
Dongar took a sit and nodded. "Yes."
"What the hell is going on here?" she frowned.
"I don't know what you mean my lady. We found him this morning hanging by a rope. He failed to take his own life apparently." Dongar reached up to stipple his fingers through hers.
Dis looked at their joined hands and shuddered. He felt her distress. "I am so confounded by everything." she admitted.
"Why did you come here my lady?" Dongar asked and his thumb caressed the back of her hand softly.
"For this man," she shook her head.
"Why? What do you have to do with Nyrthrasir?" Dongar frowned.
Dis bit the inside of her bottom lip. How could she explain to this man why she was here without betraying the feud of the King with his One? She knew that if Thorin found out that she had spoken of his bad situation with Eilin to one of his lieutenants he would lose his mind. On the other hand she wanted to ask Dongar about this man. She exhaled and kept nibbling the inside of her lip until this internal debate was laid to rest. "I went down to help his wife. I am a midwife as a profession along with being a rather good embroider. They notified me that this woman was losing her baby." She lied.
Dongar nodded and relaxed back to his chair, but didn't release her hand and she didn't want him to do that either. "I understand my lady. Thank you for taking care of poor Myrna. This child was a blessing to their marriage. Now not only the child is gone, but also her husband." Dongar looked devastated.
"Why did he try to commit suicide?" Dis asked and her fingers caressed Dongar's gently. Urging him to trust her.
"How can I know my lady. He didn't leave any messages. He didn't leave anything to help me understand. He was so happy to have relocated here in Erebor. He was so enthused with his wife's pregnancy. So ready for his life to take another path and then we find him like this." Dongar's voice was miserable.
"Maybe something was wrong in his marriage? Maybe he carried in him some dark history that overburdened him?" Dis said without knowing that she had hit the nail on the head.
Dongar tensed and she felt it. He hesitated for a long time before speaking. "No. Not Nyrthrasir. He was impeccable and his relationship with Myrna was a dream." He lied.
Dis exhaled through her nose. "Nobody that lives a dream life tries to commit suicide. Maybe he had issues he had never talked about with you?"
Dongar closed up tight and removed his hand from hers. "Maybe my lady. I cannot say."
Dis pressed her lips and felt the loss of his hand more than she had anticipated. "And he cannot tell us, right?"
Dongar's eyes were burning the pale countenance of his friend. "He cannot. No."
Dis nibbled her bottom lip. "Are you sure you don't recall anything from his past? Some insignificant detail? A relationship out of marriage perhaps?"
Dongar looked up quickly and Dis's heart overflowed with adrenaline. She saw the look of recognition in his eyes and held her breath with him.
He shook his livid face. "No, my lady. Nothing of the sort."
Dis felt her shoulders slouching in defeat and a wave of anger run through her at Dongar's denial to possibly reveal Nyrthrasir's relationship with Eilin, without knowing that the relationship that Dongar was protecting was the one with Karunn. She reached up and squeezed his shoulder. "Please if by any chance you remember anything that we might find useful in order to understand why Nyrthrasir tried to commit suicide, I'd be more than willing to lend you an ear."
Dongar looked at her sideways and smiled sadly. "Thank you my lady."
Dis smiled regretfully and walked out of the infirmary. She had set out that morning with every intent of solving this misunderstanding and ended up more bewildered than she had been after Thorin's fight with Eilin. She was pretty certain that Nyrthrasir tried to commit suicide because of what he did with the King and his One. Dongar's hesitations when Dis asked about this man's past spoke of a darkness that lingered there. Darkness that made Dis's confidence towards Eilin waver slightly. Who was Dongar trying to protect? What secret? Nyrthrasir's relationship with Eilin or something else? What the hell was going on here and how was she supposed to find out when one man took care to silence himself and the other was not speaking on pain of death in order not to stain his friend's honour? Who was she going to turn to now? The poor woman who aborted and was hanging onto life by a thread? Her face fell as she made her way back to her rooms in order to check on Eilin. Talking to her brother was out of the question. He had barricaded himself in his office these past few days and was refusing to talk to anyone.
"My lord, aren't you going to check on my work?" Gisli bowed to the ground.
Thorin's blazing eyes left the fireplace and fell on the jeweller for way longer than it felt comfortable. His office was completely dark as he had extinguished every single candle. The only source of light came from the fireplace, but he was hidden well as he sat immovable behind his elaborate desk. Two empty mead bottles were on the desk next to his cup and one was laying defeated next to his boot equally empty. On the other side of the desk there was a bottle half full. His long fingers twisted his cup around slowly and his eyes blinked only once towards the terrified jeweller that Balin had led inside a little while ago.
"It took me more than a month to make it your majesty. You should take a look at it," he said and gathering the little courage that Thorin's unblinking and empty stare had left him, he opened up the pouch and took out an astounding looking amulet. The dove had its wings open like it was in mid flight and everything on its body was made out of diamonds apart from the thin outline that was made out of pure gold. The chain was so dainty that Thorin could barely see it. The whole work looked so delicate that he was certain it would break to pieces if he twisted it around in his fist...maybe he should. A hateful smile toyed upon his tight lips and his eyes returned to the jeweller that was trembling under the King's silent scrutiny.
"You don't like it?" Gisli asked in a hushed tone, trying to shove the amulet back into the pouch. The countenance of the half hidden King didn't seem pleased.
"Leave it, Balin shall pay you." Thorin's voice was so guttural that it raised the hairs of Gisli's beard.
The petrified jeweller bowed to the ground and scattered out of that menacing office, happy to see the last of the King. He tried to bypass the frowning Balin, but the advisor grasped his upper arm and stopped him, "why are you rushing off?"
"I...I..." Gisli closed his eyes exasperated with his inability to speak and tried again more calmly- "I don't know Sir."
Balin took out a rather large and heavy looking pouch and gave it to him, "that's your payment. You almost forgot it. Why?"
Gisli took it and bowed to the ground, "I don't think the King liked my work Sir, maybe I shouldn't take this payment."
Balin frowned, "this was given by his orders."
Gisli placed his fist above his thundering heart and tilted his head, "I don't think the King is all that well Sir. He scared the life out of me."
Balin swallowed hard, but remained silent.
"I must leave," Gisli bowed once more and then walked down the corridor, trying to stop himself from running away.
Balin looked at the forbidden door and hesitated to knock. Thorin had ordered all of them to keep away from him. He locked himself up in his office and didn't speak to anyone. Poor unlucky Gisli had been the first one he addressed in three days. Balin had become some sort of a guard dog that was pacing back and forth, mumbling under his breath about Thorin's condition, but never abandoned the door of the King's office. Gloin came at one point wanting to speak with Thorin about some matters of the treasury, but Balin barked at him sternly.
"He's refusing to speak with the delegations that he's supposed to be taking care off! He denies to speak with me and even Dwalin. He doesn't want to see his nephew and even his sister, what possible chances do you think you've got!?"
To that Gloin said nothing and left with a disappointed face. Balin remained like that, a silent sentinel of Thorin's privacy until Dwalin made the usual appearance for the day. Balin stopped the angry pacing and looked up at his brother, "don't...just don't!"
Dwalin crossed his arms, "did I say anything?"
Balin began pacing again, "you were ready to."
"Lay off my case" -Dwalin brushed him off- "how is he?"
Balin stopped and looked up at Dwalin fuming. "I cannot know, can I? He's still not talking to anyone. I know he's asking me to bring him bottles of mead, but no food. Only the jeweller he had requested some work out off was accepted today and that has been a surprise."
Dwalin frowned and leaned his heavy body on the wall next to the door, "how come he was accepted?"
Balin threw his hands in the air, "I don't know. Thorin asked me to pay him before the man even entered and when the jeweller left he was simply terrified."
Dwalin looked at the door and sighed. "Well, I think that's enough."
Balin frowned, "I know!"
Dwalin straightened and placed his door on the handle, but before he could turn it Balin's strong hand stalled him, "what in the name of Mordor are you doing?"
"I am going in," Dwalin raised his brow.
"He's given strict orders not to be disturbed by anyone, on pain of death!" Balin grumbled.
"Oh, then let him kill me brother. What do you want us do? Remain silent guards at the flanks of his door, while he commits suicide in there?" Dwalin looked at him angrily.
Balin paled, "don't say such words."
"He might not thrust a sword through his heart, but he'll find other ways to do it if we allow him. Let me in!" Dwalin spat.
Balin's hand trembled above his brother's, "take care what you tell him."
Dwalin's eyes bored into Balin's, "always, now back off you stout troll."
Balin pulled back and Dwalin opened Thorin's door. He entered the dark study and felt the air stale with a gentle undertone of alcohol and old Toby. The fireplace had warmed up the office to the point of it being uncomfortable.
"I am going to step on something in this darkness, break my neck and you shall have my death upon your conscience," Dwalin said and stood by the door, trying to figure out where his friend was.
The room remained silent.
Dwalin took several steps forth towards Thorin's desk, "you don't seem to care about my well being."
No answer.
Dwalin reached his desk and saw the outline of his shadow behind it. He was sitting on his chair with his legs crossed, his hands equally crossed above his stomach and his azure eyes penetrating through the darkness. Dwalin jerked taken aback, "you scary bastard, what the hell are you doing lurking in the shadows like a ghoul?"
"I thought my orders were clear," Thorin's rasping voice made Dwalin's nape crawl with fear.
"Oh, you mean the ones you gave to my brother who stands like a venomous snake outside your door ready to strike everyone who approaches?"
Thorin didn't reply.
"I respected them for three days, now that's enough." -Dwalin rounded his desk and picked up the bottle next to Thorin's boot- "Four bottles only today?"
Thorin didn't move an inch, not even his eyes blinked.
"What are you trying to do? Overdrink your father?" Dwalin threw the empty bottle angrily at the fireplace. It's crash should have awoken Thorin, but didn't even make him flinch.
"Maybe I am, what's it to you?" Thorin rejoined.
Dwalin felt his heart exploding with anger. He picked up another empty bottle and threw it at the fireplace, then another. When he reached out for the half empty bottle Thorin's iron grip fell above his hand and kept him still. Dwalin's eyes turned to his and met with an emptiness that sucked away all his anger and gave it's place to immeasurable sadness, "because I don't want to see my best friend fading into the void," he said with a hushed tone.
Thorin's lips played with a hair-raising smile. "How poetic of you."
Dwalin drew his hand away from his and grabbed his heavy chair swivelling it around. He brought his face inches from Thorin's and smelt the alcohol reeking off of him, "Be as sarcastic as you please, but know this! I shall tear the void to threads if need be, but I will pull you out of it!" she spat between gritted teeth.
Thorin's comeback was so unexpectedly violent that when he pushed his friend, Dwalin lost his footing and backed up several steps. Thorin stood up slowly, a tall intimidating figure of authority, seemingly encircled by a dark halo that petrified Dwalin's heart. He had only seen this heavy shadow emanating from his friend once. Upon Siv's death.
"Thorin get a grip on yourself. You are losing every sense of self preservation. Be reasonable," Dwalin said with a heavy gaze.
"How can I be reasonable in the face of such a betrayal?" Thorin spat with skin crawling hatred.
"I am not convinced of Eilin's betrayal. As is not your sister either, but even if Eilin betrayed you, you have to pull through. You cannot let this consume you. You've seen a lot of darkness in life, you cannot let this bring you to your knees."
"You sound even more doubtful than Balin about my ability to pull through," Thorin's voice sounded unwavering.
"Have you seen yourself?" Dwalin frowned.
Thorin looked truly disinterested.
Dwalin's lips turned down angrily, "I haven't seen you this broken since Siv's death."
"Don't even try to go there," Thorin's voice dropped.
Dwalin shook his head, "I heard everything Dis told me about what happened. It's your account I am missing and it's the most crucial. Yours and that accursed man's, but good luck on either of us having any discussions with him."
Thorin looked up at that and demanded an explanation quietly.
Dwalin inhaled deeply, "he tried to commit suicide."
Thorin's eyes thinned.
"Apparently what he did to you and Eilin weighed too heavily upon his conciseness and he tried to rid the world of his lies."
"Or of his infidelity," Thorin retorted with a tint of steel that never left his voice.
Dwalin crossed his arms, "or of his infidelity. How can I be certain that he was not speaking the truth? I can only assume. All of us now can only assume!" He felt and sounded pissed off.
Thorin gritted his teeth. "Good riddance."
Dwalin raised his brow, "Well he made your job easier. You don't have to hang him yourself, even though he's not dead but in a deep coma."
Thorin inhaled sharply and his eyes became hateful.
Dwalin raised his hand, "before you go storming the infirmary to slit his throat open, think of his wife who lost her baby and her life is hanging by a mere thread. I truly don't think she's gonna make it past tomorrow. Second, try to be reasonable inside this warped reality that has overtaken your mind these days. If he wakes up, we can face him. Ask questions. Let Eilin face him. Maybe we can then decide who is lying or not."
Thorin's lips trembled with controlled anger, "I will not be able to handle seeing them together in the same room and trust myself not to kill them both..." -he stopped and held his breath.
Dwalin's brows creased angrily, "You almost said all three of them didn't you?"
Thorin's stare clouded. "The child in her loins must be respected, no matter who the father is. I am angry at her and him, not at their child."
Dwalin exhaled in relief. "So there is a small logical part of you alive in that messed up mind. I couldn't agree with you more."
Thorin felt his knees unlocking. He emptied himself on his armchair and emptied his cup quickly.
"I don't know if I made a mistake in judgement towards this girl Thorin. Maybe I should have protected you much more when she came into your life. Maybe I should have been more cautious like Balin. I was all too eager to believe her when she declared her honest love for you," Dwalin said feeling disappointed for failing his friend.
"Me too," Thorin spat the words out.
Dwalin stopped and approached the desk, "tell me what I can do to help you fix all this please."
It took Thorin a long time to speak. He turned his eyes to the fire and brooded over it's flames, "How is she?" the words were barely heard.
Dwalin shuddered and covered his eyes, "she refuses your offer for a relocation in your Halls at the Blue Mountains. She refuses the gold you offered for a new beginning and will probably refuse any other commodities you'll offer too." Dwalin shook his head dejected.
Thorin averted his eyes and his gaze turned slowly cold after a momentary lack of self control, in which Dwalin saw the misery lingering in their depths.
"I know how hard it was for you to offer her a new abode, especially since you are convinced that the baby in her loins is the product of her infidelity, but Thorin you must admit that the girl acted honourably towards you in this case. She refused everything you are offering. She could have grabbed the chance to a new respectable and rather rich life away from you and settle down. You wouldn't have spoken about her betrayal to anyone, isn't that right?"
Thorin shuddered. "Never."
Dwalin nodded. "She would have gone to your Halls as a widow probably?"
Thorin inclined his head miserably and covered his eyes.
Dwalin continued "She would be under the protection of the royal family. What more would anyone want? She would have had everything, yet she refused. Her next best choice is to ride with Yrsa alone out of here towards the wilderness and she prefers that to any security you have given her."
Thorin's steely exterior began coming apart.
Dwalin leaned his hand on the back of his chair and stooped over, "do you think she's going to accept any kind of help from you? She's proud and declares her innocence fervently. She won't relent and that is what makes me doubt the words of this Nyrthrasir. Do you think he'd try to commit suicide if he didn't know that he had done something wrong?"
Thorin's hand tightened around the wooden arm of his chair.
"Was the lies he said about this poor woman what burdened his soul? Possibly that he destroyed your life? Or that he was an infidel to his wife? No one but him can tell us and currently he's unavailable. As for this poor girl..." Dwalin lingered.
A wave of brewing tension escaped Thorin's body.
"She doesn't need the help you are offering Thorin. She needs you in her life. She needs you to believe her." Dwalin said.
A menacing silence drew between them for a few moments before the wooden handle of his chair finally gave up under Thorin's iron grip. It broke with a loud crack that made Dwalin look down. "Get out..." Thorin hissed.
"Are you going to take your wrath on me now? I am ready, take me on." Dwalin punched his chest angrily.
Thorin turned his fierce stare on Dwalin, but remained silent against this provocation.
Dwalin lingered for a few more moments before saying, "come out of this office with me, please."
Thorin didn't respond.
"Don't let this kill you," Dwalin's eyes became immensely sad.
Thorin filled up his cup with the remaining mead, "tell Balin to bring in more bottles."
"I won't...I won't assist you in this suicide," Dwalin's voice broke.
Thorin looked at him intensely, "then get out."
Dwalin turned around and left the room quickly. When he crashed the door behind him his eyes were swimming with tears. Balin gasped his arm, "what did he tell you?"
Dwalin pulled his arm free, "leave me," he snapped at his brother and left totally heartbroken.
Dis sat next to Eilin who was laying on the bed with her back to them. As difficult as it had been to communicate with her brother, equally hard it had been to get a single word out of this poor woman. She refused to eat and get up from the bed, but at least she didn't refuse to drink some water and tea, which was enough to sustain her. She was weak and her heart had been torn to threads by the agony of her breakup with Thorin. Nevertheless the Maker blessed her, and the child in her loins seemed now to be safe. No blood had appeared during these critical days were her whole world came into ruins. Dis asked Eilin if she felt any pains or tightening of her internal muscles. She was trying to figure out the condition of her pregnancy. Eilin never replied. She simply shook her head in negation, letting Dis know that she felt no pain from her loins. All the insufferable pain was coming from her heart and there was no one else that could cure that ailment from her, than the King himself. He denied an audience with everybody not just Eilin.
When Dis tried to dig up some information about Thorin's state from Dwalin she got back confused nervousness. The ironclad bodyguard told Dis that Thorin was drinking heavily and that worried him since he had never seen his friend consuming any alcohol at all, never mind these quantities. Thorin kept himself locked at his office and rarely went to his room to sleep. In fact neither Dis nor her son or his comrades were certain that he had slept at all during these days of hell. Something that was the complete opposite for Eilin. She was trying to cope with the agony of their separation by sleeping all the time in order to numb her feelings and protect their child.
The darkness of the King had spread out like wildfire throughout the whole of Erebor. From the highest Lords to the lowest miners everybody could understand that something serious was taking place behind the closed doors of his office. The uncertainty of what changed the disposition of the Mountain King so drastically, turning him from a determined and very skilful ruler to a hermit that denied any kind of responsibility for his Kingdom was eating everyone up. Mostly though Balin who kept repeating to Dwalin that "such fairytales never end up well, I told you so. This is going to kill him."
Bofur upon learning of Eilin's dire condition did visit her, trying to uplift her spirits. He even joked that it was natural that she chose Thorin over him, since he was a much more skilful archer. That was meant to make her smile, but instead Eilin started crying. When Bofur turned bewildered at Dis he got no reply. Just a simple suggestion that they should allow Eilin to rest. Bofur left with a broken countenance unable to figure out what had taken place, but certain enough that it was something serious between Eilin and Thorin. He kept to himself also, drawing into the darkness of his thoughts, seething against Thorin for making the girl suffer this way without even knowing what had taken place. For him siding with Eilin had come naturally, not because he aspired to anything happening between them anymore, but because he still held a fondness for this sweet creature. He may have acted angrily towards her when he learned that Thorin was her romantic interest, but he never stopped liking her. Now that his feelings had settled down a little, he instantly felt a need to protect her against anything that was hurting her, which in this case was Thorin.
Eilin had no idea how much support she was having and neither did she care. The only thing she wanted was to clear up her stained honour with the only man that mattered to her. She only wanted to see him, to talk to him, to make him see the truth. She wanted not to feel such blinding pain anymore from his brutal dismissal. A hand fell to her shoulder and she gritted her teeth against her body's endless need to shake. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around her stomach.
"Are you in pain?" the usual worried question of Dis was once more dismissed by a clear shaking of Eilin's head.
"What more can we do?" -Dwalin's heavy voice came to remind her that Thorin's best friend was here- "If nothing changes, there is little we can do. Thorin talks to no one, he is practically locked away drinking himself to oblivion. He will certainly not listen to any voice of reason and Nyrthrasir is out. The man can tell us nothing. If he was awake you can be certain I'd choke the truth out of him."
Dis nodded, "the fact that he tried to commit suicide proves that he knew he had done something wrong."
"His wife knows absolutely nothing?" Dwalin crossed his arms and asked for the umpteenth time the same question.
"She lost her child this morning. I don't think she knows anything, but even if she did she's in no condition to speak of it without dying in the process." Dis's voice was full of despair.
Dwalin winced.
Eilin's nerves shattered. She squeezed her eyes tight. "This is madness."
"It is my darling," Dis rubbed her shoulder firmly.
"What about that lieutenant of yours?" Dwalin frowned.
"Dongar knows him well. They were good friend back at the Iron hills. He seems to know something, but was solidly denying that there is something of importance to relate to us. Good luck tearing through the stubborn honour of a dwarf that needs to protect his friend." Dis said and tried to avoid eye contact with Eilin at that moment.
Lis's hand wrapped tightly around Eilin's forearm, "don't cry again ma'm" -then she turned to her mother worried- "why can't anyone do something mom?"
Loa rubbed her forehead, "do me a favour and stop meddling. Lady Eilin doesn't need your constant jabbering to add to her already burdened mind."
"Let the child speak, she doesn't bother me," Eilin whispered the first whole sentence in five days just for the benefit of Lis.
Lis took courage in that, "see mom? She knows I am here to help her."
"You can do nothing to help me girl" -Eilin forced herself to open her eyes and look at Lis- "Not even I am able to defend myself to Thorin. Never mind putting you in the middle of this hell."
Lis scrounged her lips, "I'll do anything to help ma'm."
Eilin reached out and grasped Lis's small warm hand. "Are you are trying to take care of me?"
Lis nodded and grinned up to her, "yeah ma'm."
"Not me, little one. Him. Take care of him," Eilin felt her chest welling.
Lis frowned confused.
"Take care of Thorin for me, alright?" Eilin forced a pained smile on her pale lips.
Lis pulled back surprised only for a second before smiling, "of course I will ma'm. He's my mentor, remember?"
Loa gritted her teeth, "Lis stop it!"
Eilin closed her eyes, "he needs your protection little one. I have people to help me. He's not letting anyone in, but he will let you. Promise that you will help him."
Dis cupped her mouth and averted her crying eyes to Dwalin that looked heartbroken at his boots.
Lis hesitated, "of course I will ma'm."
"Thank you," Eilin said in a hushed voice.
"I promise to help him find out the truth about you ma'am!" Lis added with renewed energy.
"Enough Lis, stop it this instance! Promising things that are way out of your league to the lady!" -Loa chastised- "let the poor woman be!"
Eilin felt the first sad smile forming on her lips at the child's honest promise, "that means a lot baby."
Lis embraced her tightly and Eilin felt her tears releasing, "and you promise to stay here ma'm? you are not leaving us are you?"
Eilin couldn't speak.
Loa pulled her back, "please Lis, that's enough. Don't you see in how much distress the lady is. Be considerate of others."
Lis looked at her mom and then at Eilin, "I will help the King! The King couldn't believe at my audacity when I joined his army at that campaign in Ered Mithrin. You don't believe me now either. You just wait and see, all of you" -then she grasped Eilin's hand- "I will find out what happened ma'am! I will help the King and become a knight! The first girl knight ever! Wait a moment, can that happen?"
Eilin smiled. "I suppose anything can happen if we don't lose hope."
Loa pulled her daughter back and looked sadly at Eilin. "I am so sorry for her my lady. Sometimes it's very hard to stop her."
"Why are you asking forgiveness mom? The lady wanted my help. I will protect the King and I will find the truth. That's my job as a warrior princess and a knight" -she scrounged her lips- "Which I am not yet, but I will be!"
Dwalin smiled bitterly, "loyal to the bone. The first important element of becoming a warrior."
Lis grinned up to him, "that's what the King told me too!"
Dwalin pressed his lips and nodded sadly.
Dis caressed Eilin's hair, "Shall Loa bring you up something to eat?"
Eilin shook her head and uncurled her body with great difficulty, "no thank you my lady."
Dis frowned and assisted her as she sat up on the bed. Her hair was a tangled mess, her clothes full of creases and the cheek that laid on her pillow through the whole morning was red. She swallowed a dry throat and placed her legs on the floor, "what are you doing?" Dis asked as Loa run up from the other side to help her up.
"I want to talk to him," Eilin repeated with a clear voice as she stood up on a pair of very wobbly legs.
Dwalin came forth and grabbed her by the waist steadying her, "he will deny you and you can barely stand."
Eilin pushed him gently away and found her stability slowly, "I will talk to him if it is the last thing I do. He won't deny me master Dwalin. He will listen to what I have to tell him even if the next moment I climb onto my horse and ride away from here."
Dis and Dwalin exchanged worried glances as Eilin went to the bathroom to change with the help of Loa.
Lis crossed her arms and her brows came together decisively.
"Thorin will you stop for a moment?" Bofur run after him.
The King's eyes thinned as he climbed upon his horse and gave the signal for the guards to open up the heavy gates. He didn't reply to Bofur that had patiently waited for him outside his locked office doors. When he threw them open angrily, Bofur tried to stop him, tried to talk to him, but Thorin dismissed him instantly. Balin followed both Bofur and Thorin down to the stables as one was trying to make the other one listen. The advisor was desperately trying to stop Bofur from making Thorin's already thinly balanced patience topple over and bury the whole of Erebor under its ferocity.
Bofur jumped in front of Thorin's horse and grabbed hold of the reins, "I said stop!"
Balin grasped Bofur's arm, "let him got lad! You are making things worse!"
Bofur turned at a truly apprehensive Balin, "for whom am I making it worse? For the whole of Erebor that doesn't know what kind of devilry had taken over it's King? For him that seems to be entranced in a world that's taking him everyday even deeper down the rabbit's hole, or for that sweet innocent girl up in Dis's bedroom that hasn't eaten anything for days!?"
Thorin's jawline clenched and his hands tightened painfully around the reins.
Balin barked, "shut your mouth boy! You know nothing of what has taken place! Don't dare assume..."
Bofur spoke over him, "I know nothing, because no one is telling us anything! I don't expect that to change soon, right?" he turned his eyes and captured Thorin's dark glare.
The King didn't reply.
"Very well, so knowing the few things I know I will speak to you as a friend! A friend that travelled with you for a year, who fought next to you in many battles. A friend who cares for the woman who loves you!" Bofur spat and threw his reins down, releasing his horse.
Thorin was free to go, but didn't move. It was as if an unseen force was keeping him there, locked in place.
Bofur was positively fuming, "I don't know what happened between you and Eilin, but I know she is broken and she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. Not by you, or by anyone else!"
Thorin's unemotional stare penetrated through Bofur, making him even madder at the King.
"I liked her from the first moment I saw her. I tried to approach her, but you know what?" Bofur's gaze pierced through Thorin.
He remained religiously silent.
"She never wanted me. I think that she was yours from the moment she saw you."
Thorin swallowed heavily.
"Instead of revelling on the ultimate blessing the maker gave you, by offering you this beautiful woman's heart, what do you do?" Bofur was trembling from rage.
Thorin's nose flared.
"You throw it under your heavy boots and crush it. How can you sit so majestically upon your steed? Looking so unaffected and cold when that girl is suffering for you?" Bofur cried.
Thorin felt his breath becoming quicker.
"I don't know what happened between you, but you don't deserve her! I wish I had the chance to make her understand how much more she does deserve, but I don't have it. You are the only one that has so much power over her," upon those words the anger got extinguished out of Bofur.
Balin gritted his teeth, "it's impressive how wrong every single word you said has been."
Bofur raised his hand at Balin, "leave me be! I suffered by seeing her choose Thorin in my stead. I won't suffer by seeing her this broken by him!" -he turned decisively at Thorin- "fix her! You broke her, now fix her and feel the blessing that should have been mine run deep in your veins. You are an honourable man, do honourably towards her! The whole of Erebor is rooting for you and her. Even me, through all my bitterness. I don't want to see her this broken by you ever again!"
Thorin inclined his head sharply, "get out of the way."
Bofur planted his feet on the ground, "or what?"
"I won't hesitate to kill you," the words came out with quiet determination.
The dwarf frowned reluctantantly and Balin found the opportunity to draw him out of Thorin's way, "come here you bloody fool!"
Thorin kicked the flanks of his horse and dashed out into the heavy snowstorm.
Bofur looked bewildered at Balin, "was he truly going to kill me?"
Balin shook his head, "in the mental state he is in, quite possibly."
Bofur shuddered, "what the hell is going on Balin?"
The old advisor rubbed his teary eyes, "much more than you know lad. Much more."
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