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The wooden bead

A/N: As always another heartfelt thank you to the angel of the story StephCalvino for giving me all her amazing ideas and thoughts. Not only is enlightening me with her brilliant reviews and our PM's, but also the other readers who take the time to read her amazing analysis of each chapter.

It was the very next day that found a small group of people at the gates of Erebor bidding their farewells. The atmosphere was heavy and lingering with darkness. Even Bilbo that was supposed to know nothing and pretend to be his happy go lucky self slowly was drawn into that exceptionally forlorn mood that had befallen everyone, with Eilin being in the worse condition of them all. Loa and Lis were quietly observant trying to keep out of the way. Well mostly it was Loa trying to keep Lis out of the way. The only one from Thorin's company attending this morning was Dwalin who stood next to Dis in brooding denial of the inevitable. It was not only that Thorin was refusing to calm down in order to see reason, it was also that Eilin was refusing to remain as long as the man she adored believed her an infidel.

Dwalin had passed the previous evening arranging Eilin's few things on the carriage that the King gave to Bilbo and after that he lingered behind the gloomily pondering King trying to knock some sense into that stubborn mind. He found a dead end with Thorin who in the end kicked him out of Thror's study and locked the doors behind, happy to remain alone. Dwalin didn't know whom to be more concerned about. The poor fragile girl who came to the irrevocable resolution to travel the dangerous road to the Shire while pregnant, or his friend who had come to the solemn decision to drink himself into oblivion unwilling to communicate with anyone. When he came down here this morning to see Eilin off, he first passed from Thror's study in order to inquire about Thorin's mood. Apparently the King didn't leave his study all night. Balin was standing a silent sentinel outside his doors denying entrance to anyone, still on pain of death. He remained with Balin trying not to be drawn down by dark thoughts until Bifur and Dori joined his brother. Only then he felt secure enough to allow Thorin his much beloved privacy and come out here to make sure the girl was going to depart safely.

Eilin denied adamantly anything that Dwalin was offering on behalf of the King since yesterday. Carriage, gold, clothes, provisions. She wanted to take nothing out of Erebor, apart from the clothes she was wearing when she first arrived and a small satchel bag with a few more threadbare hand-me-downs that she owned from the Ironhills. She didn't even take the clothes that princess Dis gave Eilin after taking her into the service of the Longbeards.

Bilbo on the other hand didn't have the same concerns as the maiden. He accepted the provisions, his share of the gold and the very good carriage the King gave him, telling Eilin that Thorin had no idea that she was coming with him. The King didn't make a public appearance for many days and unless his men spoke about the change of plans for their joined journey Thorin had no way of knowing that she was going to sit in his carriage. He was trying to find anyway possible to persuade her that these comforts were offered to the hobbit and not to her. Eilin continued to deny. So much was her pride wounded by the King's dismissal and so much was her heart broken by his certainty of her betrayal that she didn't want to use any of the comforts he was offering to Bilbo either, since she was now in the hobbit's employment.

Bilbo looked in disbelief at the horses that were meant to pull their beautiful carriage. Then he turned his annoyed glare at Dwalin.

"This is absolutely ludicrous. Thorin gave me everything new or in perfect condition except from these horses. These are a joke! Are you serious?" he placed his hands on his waist angry.

Dwalin pressed his lips and crossed his arms. "Silence hafling! Don't push your luck." He hissed and looked sideways to see if they had drawn Eilin's attention. Thankfully she was being comforted by Dis and hand't noticed them at all.

Bilbo rounded the carriage and looked at the horses testily, "did he seriously choose the oldest pair of horses Erebor owns? These relics can barely stand!"

Dwalin raised his brows.

"Take me down to the stables and I will choose a healthier pair! I've got my part of the share. I can pay for them!" Bilbo said decisively.

Dwalin shook his head, "we cannot spare any other horses. It's these ones or your feet. Take it or leave it."

Bilbo fumed, "what is he trying to do? Make my life harder than it already is? These beasts won't make it to Dale before they collapse…" -then he stopped and raised his brow- "fine forget it. I'll buy some good horses from Dale."

Dwalin walked up to him and grabbed his bicep with such force that Bilbo yelped. He leaned down close to his ear and spoke in a hushed tone. "Dale will not give you any animals either. Orders of the King. Now enough with this nonsense. These animals are good enough to take you back home."

Bilbo pulled back and cleared the creases on his tunic, that Dwalin's tight grip caused. "Alright, fine! What's going on with all this nervous tension? I just made a simple observation!"

Dwalin pulled back and pursed his lips.

Bilbo rolled his eyes. "Thank Thorin for these half dead beasts, why don't you?" He spat sardonically.

Dwalin raised his brow meaningfully. "I will not do that, but I'll make sure to pass down your gratitude for the perfect carriage, the ample provisions, the extra gold that he forced down your wallet and all the warm clothes. How about that?"

Bilbo pressed his lips and crossed his arms. "Fine, fine...do thank that old grumpy face for me and tell him I will miss him."

Dwalin scrounged his lips. "Forget about that part."

Bilbo cringed and looked at the heavy snowfall that had covered the land with a thick white blanket, "weather is still bad though."

Dwalin looked towards the horizon thoughtfully. "Snow won't last too long. When you exit Mirkwood on the west the weather will mellow down a bit. I suppose there you can buy better animals. Just keep the horses with you. Don't trade them. The King is very protective of his livestock."

Bilbo pressed his lips. "Looks like his quite the opposite. Forcing these sick animals into such heavy labour is a death penalty for them for sure."

Dwalin twisted his head and raised his brow, but remained silent.

Eilin looked up from Dis's warm embrace and blinked. She felt like she was half way out of her body, but had managed to overhear part of their conversation. "It's okay master Bilbo. I won't be in the carriage anyway, so the poor horses will be able to pull you along with the cargo. I will not burden them with any extra weight."

Both Dwalin and Bilbo turned to her. "What do you mean?" The hobbit asked her.

"I will walk behind you," she said quietly.

"Did you seriously suggest such nonsense? Get up on that carriage young lady. Now!" Bilbo ordered.

She shook her head. "I am not going to use any of the King's commodities to leave Erebor. I will leave exactly as I came."

Dis caressed her hair, "then follow him on your horse. You arrived upon a horse, remember?"

Eilin looked at Yrsa and her eyes filled with tears once more, "she's not my horse. She was a gift from him."

Dis frowned and felt the frustration towards this girl's stubbornness flaring up. "Then she's yours now. Don't act so headstrong you are making me mad."

Eilin pulled back and wrapped her threadbare coat around her body, "no my lady. I am taking anything that belongs to him."

Dis cupped her forehead and closed her eyes. She called on every single morsel of her thinly balanced patience and after feeling certain that she was not going to explode either on poor Eilin or her brother that was currently hiding in Erebor to avoid facing the destruction he had caused, she spoke. "I want you to be reasonable and think. You are in a fragile condition already. You cannot walk behind a carriage all the way back to Hobbiton, unless you want that fragile condition to fall out from inside you and die in the middle of the road somewhere."

Eilin's body shuddered at that image and her hand came down to protect her belly. She paled.

Dis nodded, "now you realise how much you are putting at stake by being so difficult?"

Eilin swallowed heavily.

"Climb on that horse and use one of the coats I have given you back in the Iron Hills to keep yourself and your child warm." Dis said sternly.

Eilin was trembling like a leaf when she reached down to take out a small pouch from her satchel. "Very well my Lady I shall do so, but only if lord Dwalin accepts the price of this horse."

Dis facepalmed hard. "Oh, no...Mahal give me patience..."

Eilin's lips twitched sadly as she turned to Dwalin that was looking at her with guarded interest. She took out all the coins in her small pouch and counted them. She grew frustrated by the knowledge that they were hardly enough to buy this magnificent horse. Then she placed them back into the pouch again and looked up to him totally disheartened. "There are twenty pieces of gold here my lord. The payments from all my work here in Erebor. Are they enough to buy Yrsa from you?"

Dwalin shook his head in despair, "don't make me take that."

A sad smile appeared on her lips. She gave him the pouch which he took reluctantly, "give them to the King and thank him for me."

Dwalin looked away dejected, "this is madness."

Dis was quick to agree. "Take the gold back! You shall not buy Thorin's gift with all this hard worked money! What the hell are you doing?!"

Eilin looked away and took Yrsa's reins in her hands. "I will ride away on her only if I buy her, my lady."

Dis felt her jawline flexing. "This horse was probably worth close to a hundred gold. Your money is hardly enough. Keep it! You shall need it for the road!"

"No my lady," Eilin refused.

Dis inhaled deeply and looked at Bilbo whose face looked miserable. "Pick her up and put her in the carriage before I lose my patience!" She suddenly commanded, changing tunes to the surprise of all.

Bilbo made to approach, but Eilin stopped him. "Keep back master Bilbo. I will use Yrsa!" She tried to put her foot on the stirrup, but her weakness took the best of her and she almost fell down. It was Dwalin that steadied her with a huff of anger.

"For Mahal's holy beard..." -he grumbled and tightened his fingers around Eilin's biceps who was trying to break free to no avail- "She won't make it back to Hobbiton in this manner," he said to Dis.

The princess grabbed Eilin's other arm and pulled her around. Their faces came inches from each other, "enough do you hear me?" She hissed.

Eilin froze.

Dis jerked her by the arm, "enough of this pride filled foolishness! I won't allow you to endanger my nephew or niece in this manner. You haven't seen the rough side of me yet. You shall witness it now!"

Eilin remained speechless with a blanched face.

Dis turned to Bilbo, "bring me the warmest coat in the carriage! One of my brother's with the fur around the neck!"

"No..." Eilin whispered.

Dis's hand locked like a vice around Eilin's arm. "I said enough!"

Eilin paused with her chest palpitating.

Bilbo brought it over. Dis stripped Eilin of her threadbare coat and threw it at Loa. "Find a pit of fire and burn it to the ground!" She commanded. Then she proceeded to dress Eilin in one of Thorin's warm coats and pulled the fur hood over her head.

Eilin's bottom lip began trembling the moment she inhaled his beloved scent and her eyes filled with tears.

Dis drew her close. "No matter what happened with Thorin, you shall leave this place like the lady you are. I don't care about your wounded pride right now. I care only that you reach your destination safely!"

Tears run down the maiden's cheeks.

"You wanted to give all your money for that damned horse, fine! You shall ride in that golden gilded carriage with all the warm clothing I can afford and Yrsa shall be tied here at the back for you." Dis said and led her to the carriage. With the help of Dwalin and Bilbo they made her sit on the back under the sturdy tent and covered her with a very heavy fur blanket from the ones that Thorin had given the hobbit. Eilin almost buried herself under it and felt all the tears she had been holding back creating rivers down her cheeks and jawline. She didn't dare say no to the angry princess….and after smelling Thorin's scent she didn't want to say no and desperately she didn't want to leave him. She wanted to push back all these clothes and all these people, open up all his locked doors and kiss his pale lips until they became cherry red again. Until both their hearts had warmed up again from being frozen to near death.

Dis turned to Dwalin. "You take this gold to my brother and throw it to his face!"

Dwalin frowned. "No I will not..."

Dis gritted her teeth. "Do it in a manner a good friend would, because my way will be far worse," she hissed.

Dwalin swallowed heavily and after a few moments of hesitation he took the pouch silently.

Dis turned to Bilbo. "Take care to ride slow. The roads are frozen."

Bilbo climbed onto the carriage next to Eilin after securing Yrsa behind. "We will."

Dis turned to Loa. "Woman. Come here!" She called.

Loa and Lis approached, "my lady?"

Dis hesitated for a moment, "can you bear to split up from your child temporarily?"

Loa grabbed Lis's hand tightly. "No my lady, I don't think so."

Dis gritted her teeth. "I want someone I trust to escort Eilin back into Hobbiton."

Eilin looked up from the blankets. "My lady I have master Bilbo I don't need Loa."

Dis raised her finger in authority. "You are pregnant! Master Bilbo has no experience with that. I would have come myself if remaining here to solve this mess with my brother was not a priority. You need a woman of experience with you. Someone who would be able to help you in case of an emergency."

"I can go, but let me take Lis with me my lady!" Loa said beseechingly.

Lis pulled her hand free. "No mom! I need to remain here to protect the King!"

"Stop with this idiocy!" Loa grumbled.

"It's not an idiocy. Don't underestimate me!" Lis crossed her arms to her chest defensively.

Dis stopped them. She placed her hands on their shoulders and then turned to Loa. "Your daughter will be under my protection here. No one is going to harm her. Can you trust me enough to let her go?"

Loa visibly hesitated. "I'll try my lady."

Dis's smile was cautious. "You lost your husband and you fear for the child, but she won't be alone. She will sleep in my rooms. Can you please escort Eilin to Hobbiton? You are the only one I trust and you have experience with pregnancies. You can help her. I would have gone with her, but I need to remain. Someone has to take care of my brother no matter how mad I am at him right now."

Loa's eyes teared up as she looked at her daughter.

"Come on mom! I am going to sleep with the princess and I am going to help the King!" Lis grasped her hands and jumped with excitement.

Seeing her daughter so untroubled with the new arrangement made Loa's reluctance retreat slightly. "If it's so important I can try my lady."

"Don't split up a family for me," Eilin whispered.

Dis turned to her angrily. At that moment she was pissed off with both her brother and her sister in law. "You, pardon my language, shut up! Not another word from your mouth, understand!?"

Eilin paled and buried her chin on the heavy blanket. A sob raked her chest.

Then Dis turned to Loa, "go fix your things and we shall wait for you here."

Loa wiped away the tears from her face and scattered inside to fix her bag. Lis remained with the princess looking far more pleased than her mother. She was puffing up with pride and smiling smugly.

Bilbo shook his head and then turned to Eilin. He rubbed her trembling shoulders and tucked her further into the blankets. "You okay now?"

She nodded and another sob escaped her.

"I suppose I will be taking into my service more people than I had bargained for," Bilbo said with a gentle smile.

Eilin's teary eyes looked at him in despair. "You didn't know I was pregnant. I didn't want to say anything master Bilbo. I am so sorry for keeping it from you."

Bilbo shook his head. "It was mentioned to me yesterday, by mistake I am sure, but my upbringing doesn't allow me to comment on such personal matters. Hobbits are far less judgmental than all the other races. You'll find out that soon enough when we reach the Shire!" He said proudly.

"How will I be able to serve you in my condition?" She mumbled.

He waved her off, "pretty adequately I suppose."

She made to get off the carriage. "I cannot burden you master Bilbo. You must find another maiden."

His grip was tight on her hand, pushing her down. "Stay still darling. Once you enter Bilbo's carriage there is no other choice but to follow him home. Every road in Middle Earth leads to Bagshot Row. You are staying with me. I have employed you and your pregnancy is not enough for me to fire you. Okay?"

Eilin looked at him in disbelief. "Are you sure?"

"Perfectly certain!" Bilbo smiled reassuringly.

Eilin covered her face with the heavy blanket and began sobbing again. "Thank you so much."

Bilbo rubbed her shoulder blades in sympathy, "settle down. Everything is going to be alright. Settle down before that fiery princess blows both my carriage and us sky high. She's barely keeping herself from destroying Erebor, it seems."

Eilin nodded, but was unable to stop her silent crying long after Loa arrived with her things and settled onto the carriage next to her. She buried herself under a heavy blanket also, after exchanging a very emotional goodbye with her daughter.

Dis approached the carriage and pulled back the blankets. "Look at me sis."

Eilin looked up from all that fur that was surrounding her bloodshot eyes.

"You might be going away now, but you are not defeated. You stand proud and honourable against all the lies that had been uttered for you to my brother's ears. Do you understand?" Dis gritted her teeth.

Eilin shook her head quietly. "It's over. Everything is over."

"Erebor is not a stronghold of lies and deceit. These evil schemes will crumple to dust in some manner and my brother shall soon understand. Then it will be his turn to burn down the liars and bring you back!" Dis said with determination.

Eilin shook her head. "Don't feed me with false hope my lady for I will die. The only thing sustaining me right now is this child. I have to learn how to walk alone if I am to give our child a chance in life. Not try to sustain through this hell with the vague hope that the truth shall shine through in the end. Let me be, please."

Dis felt her eyes welling and she couldn't find words good enough to rebuke Eilin's heavy words.

Eilin's eyes overflowed with tears and her heart cried in pain. She nodded. "You know I am right."

It took Dis a lot of effort to speak next and the words felt heavy through her lips. "Keep the baby in your loins healthy. Loa will assist you. All my thoughts are with you and all my blessings. We shall see each other soon."

Eilin closed her eyes, but she remained silent.

"Take care of her, will you?" Dis addressed Bilbo.

He smiled knowingly. "Of course my lady. We will take care of each other, right?" He turned to Eilin.

Another barely discernible nod from Eilin before she pulled the blankets over her head. Loa's hand came up to rub her back. Dis smiled sadly as Bilbo set the carriage in motion. They remained out there under the heavy snowfall looking at the carriage getting lost under the thick white curtain for a long time. When there weren't anymore signs of the three travellers Dis turned to Dwalin.

"What are you still doing here? Why aren't you rubbing Eilin's gold at Thorin's face?" The suppressed wrath returned to her voice.

"I didn't speak before in front of the others, but calm down cousin," -he pursed his lips testily- "I will take the gold to him. I know how much Eilin's departure pained you, but remember that your brother is equally broken. Don't make him worse than he already is."

Dis felt her anger washing away in a wave of regret and her eyes teared up.

Dwalin inclined his head sadly and walked inside the gates.

Dis crossed her arms and stood there looking at the snowy road miserably. It was Lis's voice that brought reality back for the princess. "What's the plan then my lady?"

Dis looked down at the brave girl. "The plan?" she said quietly.

Lis's gave the princess a lopsided smile, "I am ready. What are your orders?"

Dis felt a sad smile forming on her lips and averted her eyes. "I don't know yet little girl. Maybe search the forest around Erebor for clues. That might give us more answers than whatever lays in this stronghold. I don't know where to begin to be honest. I am at a loss..." she whispered in distress. She meant those words sarcastically, but Lis didn't hear that part on the princess's tone.

Lis lips turned down, but before following the princess inside she looked out at the forest that surrounded the stronghold around the River Running until her eyes saw the borders of Mirkwood in the blurry horizon. The she turned around and run after the princess with newfound determination in her eyes.

When Dis directed her steps inside she felt less and less certain of the reassuring words she had spoken to her sister in law. When the heavy doors locked behind them and she saw the darkness of the corridor that led to the throne room, her certainty wavered and everything came crushing down on her out of nowhere. In the absence of Eilin, she felt sucked in by Thorin's dark negativity towards everything and everyone around him at the moment. She instantly became angry towards the unconscious man that destroyed her family. She felt despair for Myrna that lost her baby and apprehensive towards the whole of Erebor that seemed to be consumed by the darkness that was enveloping it's King. It felt as if Thror's illness had returned a thousandfold to engulf her brother and pull them all down to the abyss with him. It was as if her grandfather's sick ghost had taken over Thorin's youthful strength in order to make the curse of their family even more destructive on it's people.

She cupped her mouth and chocked as finally after so many days the tears released from her eyes. Lis's hand grasped her forearm, "my lady are you alright?"

Dis closed her eyes and shook her head. No she wasn't alright. Not when Thorin was a desolate shadow of his former self and not when his fiancee was riding away from Erebor in such dangerous weather. Not when the darkness that abounded deep into Thorin's mind had been awoken with such violent totality and had opened up it's claws above their city threatening to tear it apart.

She couldn't be alright through all this. She just couldn't.

It took Dwalin a few tries to locate Thorin, but when he exited at the top most rampart he felt instantly overwhelmed by the corrosive energy that was escaping his best friend. Thorin was standing with his hands resting on the banisters and his eyes looking down at the high road coldly. His countenance was forbidding, his face pale, his eyes red and his lips pressed tight. Roac, who was perched right next to Thorin's leather gloved hand, flew off the moment Dwalin came out with a caw that echoed into the silent valley beneath them.

Dwalin inhaled deeply and came to stand next to his friend. "It's done, they left."

Thorin didn't move.

Dwalin pressed his lips. "Did you give orders to Roac?"

Thorin's brow flickered almost imperceptibly, "yes." His voice sounded unused.

Dwalin crossed his arms. "I am not sure the horses you gave them are healthy enough to allow them to reach Hobbiton."

"Let them purchase new ones further off, but these roads shall not be travelled with healthy and quick beasts," Thorin rejoined quietly.

Dwalin felt his heart falling at those words as he knew exactly what they meant. "Will Roac follow them?"

Another indiscernible nod came from Thorin.

"Are you sure Bard will not sell them any strong beasts?" Dwalin sighed and looked towards the horizon.

Thorin shook his head. "He won't."

"Will the elven realm allow them to pass through their enchanted paths?"

Thorin swallowed a heavily dry throat and felt his eyes closing down. "Yes. Was she easily persuaded?"

Dwalin pursed his lips. "To take the comforts you offered to Bilbo? No..."

"Did she suspect anything?" Thorin spoke in a hoarse, hushed tone.

Dwalin shook his head. "She doesn't know that you are controlling every single bit of her journey, no. She thinks you are locked up denying to talk to anyone."

"Well done," Thorin allowed that small praise for his friend, but it sounded far less rewarding than it should have been.

"Not that she's mistaken on the last part," Dwalin raised his brow.

Thorin's demanding glare fell on his friend.

Dwalin met it with courage. "You are locked up, denying to speak to anyone."

Thorin turned away with a look of aversion and his azure eyes got lost into the horizon. "End of discussion." He was dismissive.

Dwalin's lips turned down, "on your side. I am not finished yet."

Thorin's gaze this time felt formidable.

Dwalin looked at him hard and long before deciding to speak once more. "She denied to use your carriage or clothes. She denied any provisions you supplied. She refused any help. She wanted to leave Erebor exactly as she arrived. Hadn't it been for the ferocious character of your sister that took over, Eilin would have probably left Erebor on foot behind Bilbo's carriage."

Thorin felt his fingers trembling.

Dwalin dug up through his vest and took out Eilin's small pouch. He placed it next to Thorin's hand. "Dis fixed up her up well and good, don't worry. She send Loa along to take care of her."

Thorin remained impassive, outside. He didn't even turn to look at the small pouch whose strings were flapping with the strong winds up there at the top of the Lonely Mountain.

"Eilin didn't even want to take Yrsa with her. She wanted to pay for her. That's all the gold she had on her. She told me to give it to you, as payment for her horse." Dwalin's voice didn't sound as confident as before.

Thorin's heart stopped. His mouth opened up slightly and a inaudible exhalation of suffering came out. Dwalin didn't notice.

Dwalin felt reluctant and for good reason to express the next words. "This woman acted with great merit towards you at a moment of great personal pain where she was defeated by the odds against her. She proved an integrity of character one cannot argue against. She showed a rare virtue when she denied every comfort you offered her exactly because she felt wronged by you..."

Thorin's hand tightened around the banister.

"Not by you...forgive me. Wronged by the solid amount of proof against her. You are not in the proper mental clarity to process this calmly, but you know what?"

Thorin braced himself.

"I still believe her..."

Thorin closed his eyes.

"And so does your sister..." Dwalin continued. "And I think that deep down you believe her too, but the ghosts of your past are struggling that loving part out of you, denying it to surface."

"Enough!" the roughness of Thorin's voice echoed upon the mountaintop.

Dwalin pressed his lips and squeezed his eyes tight. "You are my King, you are my brother, you are my kin and for all those reasons I am not going to lie to you. Forgive me."

Thorin felt his whole body trembling with adrenaline, "get out!"

"Very well..." Dwalin turned around and left, not wanting Thorin to see the tears that were pooling in his eyes.

Thorin's jawline clenched and his nose flared as he tried to keep down the explosive emotions that Dwalin's words had awoken. When he spoke next his words came like a whiplash to the guards that stood at the flanks of the royal balcony, "Leave!"

They bowed in unison and walked steadily down the steps as Thorin closed his eyes against the frozen wind and his heart against the pain he was feeling for Eilin. His soul closed up tight against the fear he felt for her perilous journey. There were so many similarities to his past and so many differences. Once again he had driven a woman he loved away. Not this time in order to fulfil the expectations of his forefathers, but because he was unable to raise above his own demons. He was unable to accept her betrayal. He was unwilling to accept that another man had offered her the gift he should have given her. The moment his mind tried to make the leap of faith to believe her words that knowledge came to enrage him. To make every single defensive wall he owned fall back into place and put another bottle of mead onto his hands day after day and night after night. So he remained locked away from everyone with his heart torn to threads, drinking himself to oblivion, feeling more and more powerless with each passing day.

The realisation of how many things he had risked for her sake was not helping him either. The aggravation he went through with the delegations in order to assert his choices to them, the endless meetings, the disbelief, the distrust. The Arkenstone standing alone above an empty throne that he denied to occupy, especially after all these wrong choices he had made. The Raven Crown he never wore and all those precious moments he passed with her that were gone forever. His need to sustain the real Thorin began withdrawing with each one of those desolate thoughts. Slowly the stern Mountain King, Thrain had always demanded out of him, was returning along with his bitterness at how stupid he had been to believe that there was still some hope for him.

At the end of each agonising day he passed out at the desk of his office with the same thought in his drunken mind. Why did the maker bring him back from the dead in Ravenhill?

If it was to suffer so, then Vala Aule was cruel.

His gloved hand tightened into a fist as he pushed Eilin's pouch away from the banister with such force that all the coins fell onto the balcony. Several off them rolled down the steps. With a groan of wrath and totally incapable of suppressing his violently spinning emotions he turned around and walked down, stepping over Eilin's hard worked coins heartlessly.

The walk back to Thror's study was unobstructed, mostly because no one dared to approach him. When he closed the door behind, it took him a long time to stop pacing like a caged animal in front of the heavy library. He took off his heavy coat and gloves and threw them at the corner of the room with no care whatsoever. That was not enough though to abate the fury that was twisting his sanity around like a toy. So he shed also his vest and heavy belt, remaining only with his dark maroon tunic that was heavily sweaty. Every time he heard the wind outside howling a fresh wave of mind numbing terror overtook his mind, making him almost paranoid. He was in the middle of a seesaw between rage and terror.

One moment he was groaning in wrath at Eilin's betrayal and the very next he was picturing her carriage slipping at the northern passages and her falling to her death, exactly like Siv had. It mattered not that he ordered Bilbo to stir clear off the passages, nor that he gave them the slowest horses Erebor possessed or that he had send out the ravens after them. It mattered little that he had send his ravens to Thranduil to ask for an escort for Eilin, or that the Elven King had reassured him for the security of the passage. Nothing was enough to calm down his ever growing bad temper and paranoia.

It took him several tries to focus on anything that could take him out of that whirlwind that was confusing him and making him unpredictable. Even though he knew exactly why he had come up here, he was unable to sit down and focus on the job. Noon passed and only when the early moments of the afternoon arrived and the sun began setting was he able to sit down at his desk, but still his eyes were looking blankly at the fire. He made no try to do anything. He simply wanted to find some mead in order to get thoroughly drunk once more.

Upon that thought he pushed his chair back in order to find Balin and get fresh bottles of alcohol when his boot kicked something from under the desk. It rolled with a wooden click onto the stone floor. Thorin looked down with small frown and slowly his heart froze. He leaned down to pick up a long forgotten wooden bead with a small daisy carved on it. He brought it close to his face and his eyes teared up as he gazed at it lost. He remembered the day this unsophisticated hair ornament fell from her long lush red hair. He remembered picking it up and how embarrassed he had been for taking a token from this beautiful woman without her knowledge. A few tears trailed down his nose and he licked them off his lips, tasting their saltiness as his eyes looked wistfully at her hair bead. Then his hand tightened around it and he pulled up a clean scroll with newfound determination.

When he lit up the candle, it's flickering orange hue threw terrifying shadows onto his pale and sweaty countenance. When he picked up the quill and dipped it to the ink, his hand was shaking almost uncontrollably, but the moment the quill touched the parchment it became steady and his thick brows creased with resolution.

His famous calligraphy began filling up the scroll quickly and soon he had reached the bottom. He took the red candle and spilled some on the scroll. Then he pressed the sigil of his royal ring on it and exhaled half in relief, half in defeat. His eyes turned solemn as he began re-reading the parchment. It was the soft knock on the door that made him look up from the trance he had placed himself in. Eilin's wooden bead was still buried into the tight fist of his free hand. He denied it the opportunity to get lost again under some desk.

"Come in," he whispered. A curious choice of words since during the last week he never welcomed anybody close to him.

The door opened and Fili's worried face made it's appearance. "Uncle?"

Thorin nodded without taking his eyes away from the official looking scroll. "Good evening."

Fili came in and closed the door behind him. "Are you alright?"

"That can be debated," he said with a firm frown.

"I am dearly worried about you," Fili rejoined.

"You are not the only one," Thorin dismissed him.

"What is happening, please tell me," Fili approached and lingered above Thorin's shoulder.

"Tell you...there is nothing to tell you." the King's deep voice humphed.

Fili frowned and clasped his uncle's wide shoulder. "I worry about your isolation, about your mead consumption and about the paleness of your face. Tell me what is happening. I am here to help you," Fili's tone was demanding.

Thorin leaned over and signed the scroll with his beautiful signature. "I have messed up my boy." -His rich voice said and a sad smile curled up his pale lips- "not only in my personal life, but in Erebor also. It has taken me many years of being a commander and a King in Exile to figure out that I am still able to mess up as hard as I did when I was but a young dwarfling."

Fili's face fell.

Thorin smiled ruefully. "I failed my One, my family, my comrades, my forefathers, my kin, my kingdom and myself."

Fili grabbed his forearm and leaned closer, "you never failed me uncle! Never!"

The hopelessness was so obvious in Thorin's countenance that Fili felt his heart breaking. "You have always been the optimist in our family. I didn't expect anything less from you."

Fili tightened his grip on the King's arm. "Trust in me uncle. Speak to me."

"Surely you know" -Thorin raised his brow- "didn't you mother relate everything?"

Fili averted his eyes reluctantly.

Thorin inclined his head. "Of course she did."

Fili nodded, "yes, she did."

"Then why ask me something you already know?" Thorin reached up and caressed the back of Fili's head affectionately.

"Because I want to help you," Fili looked so eager to act on these loving words that Thorin's heart gave a small smile that quickly faded away.

"When the time comes I shall ask for your help indeed," Thorin's mouth formed a ghostly hairpin of a smile.

Fili frowned and felt a cold hand squeezing his stomach. "When the time comes? That scares me uncle."

"Don't fear things that have not yet come to pass." Thorin's brows furrowed thoughtfully and a dark curtain fell over his eyes.

Fili felt his breath hitching, "Yet? What are you talking about?"

Thorin averted his eyes. "When the time comes you shall know." Then he gazed down at the scroll as if he was having misgivings for it.

That quickly led Fili's eyes to it also. One sentence caught his eye in the middle of the page and it was enough to drain all the blood from his face. He inhaled sharply and Thorin's jawline tightened as he rolled up the parchment in order to get it out of Fili's sight, but it was too late.

Fili's hand fell above Thorin's stalling him. "What in the name of Mahal's beard did I just read?"

Thorin raised his brow. "You have been indiscreet. You read something you shouldn't have."

"Uncle...This is something that I will not allow to come to fruition!" Fili whispered with a broken voice.

Thorin's eyes thinned. "A bold statement young man especially since it is not your place to make such decisions."

The command in Thorin's voice made Fili blanch.

Thorin's countenance turned imposing. "You shall speak of this to no one young heir of Durin. Is that clear?"

Fili's eyes were crestfallen. His hand lost it's strength on Thorin's arm and fell numb on his side, "no...don't do this please." He begged.

Thorin stood up slowly. "You shall speak of this to no one! Not my comrades, not my court, not my best friends, not your mother," with each word Thorin's voice fell deeper into the same abyss his soul was swimming in.

Fili stood frozen like a statue, not daring take a breath. "Don't place such a burden on my shoulders father. It's too much to take..." he whispered.

Thorin's eyes teared at Fili's use of such a beloved appellation, "but sustain you shall my boy, for you must. It might seem cruel of me towards you, but this is what must and will be done. I did not intend for you to look at this parchment yet. That cannot be taken back, so your job now is to endure the burden of this knowledge." -A desolate smile broke out of his shadowy countenance- "Endure the burden, that is a trait a ruler must have from the moment he is born to the moment he lays to rest."

Fili shook his head. "I have done everything you have asked me to, but I cannot do this."

"You can," -Thorin looked up steadily- "for Durin's folk never run away from a fight, remember?"

Fili's eyes filled with tears. "Isn't this running away from a fight?"

Thorin shook his head. "This is giving that fight a last chance when it looks like everything is over..." he whispered.

Fili grasped his shoulders and his lips began trembling.

"Do you feel the pain pulling your threads apart?" Thorin towered over his nephew.

Fili quivered, "yes."

Thorin nodded quietly, "then I've done my job well with you."

Fili closed his eyes and pressed his lips tight.

Thorin's eyes remained heavy on the young man. "Now let me have some peace, son."

Fili kneeled down and kissed the King's hand with deeply emotional respect "My King!" he whispered. Then he rushed out of the study like the very demons of Mount Gundabad were on his tail. Balin caught up with the prince at the throne room. He grabbed his bicep and stopped him.

"What are you running away from?" Balin's eyes bore into the young man.

Fili pulled his arm free angrily. "From the impossible burden he placed on my shoulders!" He hissed.

Balin frowned concerned. "Who? What?"

Fili didn't answer to Balin's concerns. He sprang out of the throne room leaving a rather confused and worried Balin that didn't know whom to give more attention to. The prince or the locked door of Thror's study, behind which, Thorin stood close to the fire looking at Eilin's wooden bead as if it was the most precious gem of the whole of Erebor...

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