Thalia couldn't breathe. There was something pressing against her chest, stealing the air from her lungs. Maybe it was Jason playing a trick on her, trying to mess with her. She was sure he would appear from his corner of their cabin laughing, and say, "Just messing with you, Thals, everything's okay."
But he didn't.
And Annabeth was still holding Thalia up by the elbows, saying things Thalia just couldn't hear over the ringing in her ears. Percy stood behind her, trying—and failing—to be strong. His sea green eyes were thick with unshed tears, a stark contrast to Annabeth's red face and puffy eyes, tears pouring down her cheeks.
Thalia wasn't sure which one of them she would look like. Would she cry for her brother like Annabeth? Or would she shut out the feelings and hold back her tears like Percy?
And when would she start to feel? Because right now, all she felt was numb. Like a cold fist was squeezing her heart, forcing all the feeling out, giving her broken heart frostbite.
"Thalia? Thalia are you listening to me?" Annabeth jerked Thalia out of her stupor.
"No," she whispered, staring blankly through her friend.
"They're going to have a ceremony for him tomorrow at Camp Jupiter," Annabeth told her quietly. "Percy and I were planning on heading over with Mrs. O'Leary."
"No," Thalia repeated, using what she thought of as her leader voice, strong, commanding, forceful. "You're wrong. You're all wrong. Jason's not—He's not—He can't be dead."
Percy came up and wrapped her up in his arms, making her feel small and young in her fifteen year old body. Safe in his arms, she started crying, letting out choked, heaving sobs. She screamed and pounded against Percy's solid chest, telling him that it wasn't fair, Jason was too young, he should have lived.
Her baby brother can't be dead.
It wasn't possible.
He had attacked a Titan and won. He had save the world. Twice!
He shouldn't have died.
Who was she going to tease about his glasses? Who was going to tease her about being the older sibling, but looking younger? Who was she going to challenge to a lightning duel? Who was going to tease her about being afraid of heights? Who was she going to tease for eating a stapler?
And what was she going to do in a thirty years and she wanted to talk to her baby brother about his family and how his kids were and what they were doing at camp?
She had this whole future figured out for the two of them. Because he was supposed to live and get married and have kids and raise them to be just as brave and amazing as he was. And she was going to teach his kids just how to annoy their dad and how to use a bow and how to beat people up.
Who was she going to teach all that too now?
"Percy," she sobbed, "he can't be dead. He can't be!"
"I know,"he murmured, stroking her hair, trying harder to hold back his own tears.
"He's not dead."