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A/N:
- Forgive me for writing such a long chapter. When they are too packed with info they are hard to follow, but quite honestly there wasn't a single place I could break this one in half...without totally destroying it.
- Once again I want to thank StephCalvino for her amazing reviews and our conversations. Lis was born out of them, since I never had the intention of making her such a major player in this story and as she's such a beloved character everyone needs to thank StephCalvino for her. It was her that gave birth to Lis's audacious personality and it was this personality that brought her close to Thorin and made her such a major player in this story... xoxoxo
This one is for you...
Almost a month after departing from Erebor and Eilin still had trouble getting out of bed and moving around mister Bilbo's house. Not only she was an almost useless maiden, but she had also become a burden. If it hadn't been for Loa, both her and mister Bilbo would have been in serious trouble. Eilin because of her inability to help herself and mister Bilbo because he would have taken all her care on his shoulders. That had not been part of their original agreement. He hired a maiden. He didn't adopt a pregnant woman who couldn't get out of bed more than twice a day.
She remained most of her days laying on the bed Bilbo had offered her at the eastern end of his home and she was enjoying thoroughly every single sun rise that broke through her small circular window, nevertheless she couldn't find it in her heart to get up and open that window in order to enjoy the fresh air. She did everything from the luxury of her large cozy bed, inside a beautifully arranged bedroom of earthy colours, tucked under the plush quilts.
She felt so weak that it was a struggle to eat or drink and sometimes even to go to the bathroom to take care of her needs. The bathroom especially she avoided like a nightmare, because she feared that each time peed, the baby would fall out of her and die. She had convinced herself so much of her unworthiness to carry the Mountain King's child, especially after their agonising breakup, that she felt sure one of these days the baby would end up out of her body, a blob of bloody material and death. Loa's reassurances that her pregnancy seemed to be progressing fine meant nothing to Eilin. The fact that her belly was now starting to become visible didn't matter. Something was eating her up inside. Maybe it was the weakness she felt on her body that alerted her that something was not quite so right, or maybe it was simply her need to see Thorin one more time.
She shuddered at the thought and reached out to take one of the napkins that Loa had brought up with her untouched breakfast. She wiped her nose and cleaned her cheeks. Her inability to eat properly combined with her constant nausea, had caused her a major weight loss, which was something she couldn't afford, as she was already thin to begin with. Loa pointed out that her cheekbones were a bit too sharp now under her sad eyes. Most of the days she didn't want to bathe either, so her very long hair had become a tangled mess around her painfully skinny body. Loa found it difficult to untangle them as the process pained Eilin too much, so after a point she stopped trying and concentrated only with feeding the malnourished pregnant girl whose body needed food in order to nourish the child in her.
Mister Bilbo was passing his days writing a new book and trying to get Eilin away from her bed. He offered to take her on several strolls around the Shire or meet her with their neighbours the Gamgees. Bell Goodchild was an expert in gardening. Bilbo thought that maybe Eilin could find an outlet by working on his garden alongside Bell, since she had experience with working on the land.
Eilin denied and each time her denial was followed by a bellowing apology for being unable to offer mister Bilbo the maiden he deserved. He patiently caressed her shoulder and told her that he didn't mind the new arrangement and that he was going to continue offering her a home for as long as she wanted. The relief from these words was always a cause for another meltdown. So she counted the moments as they turned to days and them as they became weeks and her mind was always over-flooded by her memories of Thorin...and each memory rendered her more weak.
She knew that hadn't it been for this child in her loins she would have already taken her own life. She had nothing to look forward to anymore. The love of her life was gone and she hated her past. The only thing that gave her an obscure hope for the future was their child. It was now her call in life to raise a child that Mahal himself had blessed. A true heir of Durin's folk. A child of royal blood even if their father would never accept them as his.
The despair in her heart awoke once more and she hid her head under the quilt trying to overlook the insistent banging on mister Bilbo's entrance. There was no one in the house to open up. Loa had gone to fetch some water and mister Bilbo was visiting some relatives at the other side of the Shire since yesterday. Eilin hid herself, hoping that the people at the other side would soon realise that no one was inside and leave. She began caressing her small bump and her lips opened up to offer her baby a soothing lullaby.
Come home, come home, ye merry folk!
The sun is sinking, and the oak
In gloom has wrapped its feet,
Come home! The shades of evening loom
Beneath the hills, and palely bloom
Night-flowers white and sweet. *
She felt her back shuddering, wanting to hear only her voice, but the noise on the door just wouldn't stop. So finally gave up and threw the covers away from her body. She landed barefoot on the wooden floor and tried to straighten her tunic that was way too wrinkled and her trousers that were way too used. As she walked with annoyed decisiveness towards the circular door she found her hand gently touching her hair and shuddering at their dry texture. Suddenly she stopped right before putting her hand on the handle and looked herself at a mirror that was on the wall.
Her stomach dropped.
A fresh series of knocks tore her eyes away from the skeletal ghost with the empty stare and the pale lips at the mirror. She opened it to see a small woman with chestnut curly hair low below her shoulder blades and brown eyes smiling widely. She was wearing a cute rose coloured dress and was holding a big plate. When she saw Eilin she beamed up to her, "Hi!"
"Uhm, hi." Eilin didn't know what to say. They hadn't seen anyone during stormy night they arrived and Eilin had never been out of Bilbo's home. That was her first contact with the inhabitants of this village.
"Can I come in?" the woman said spiffily.
"Uhm, mister Bilbo is not here..."
The woman talked over her. "Pfff, I know. He's at the other side of town. I came for you!"
"Me?" Eilin pulled back to allow the energetic hobbit to pass.
"Yes" -the woman said and went straight to the kitchen to put down her huge plate- "I am Bell Goodchild!" she offered Eilin her hand.
Eilin timidly shook it. "Eilin."
"I am Hamfast's wife," Bell explained.
Eilin shook her head feeling lost.
"We are the Gamgees. We leave a couple of house down Bagshot Row! We are your neighbours," Bell explained with a bright smile.
"Oh...yes, mister Bilbo spoke several times about you," Eilin followed her in the kitchen, but found herself unable to act like a proper maiden or host to this woman. She didn't know were anything was in Bilbo's house and she felt deeply embarrassed.
Bell looked at Eilin and presented her gift with pride. "Pork-pie. The best in all the Shire and don't let anyone tell you differently!"
Eilin felt her lip upturning slightly. "You shouldn't have Miss."
"Call me Bell. Won't you try a piece? You look in desperate need for food...and a bath," Bell raised her brow.
Eilin felt very self conscious then. She tried to tunnel her fingers through her wild hair, but failed and her cheeks became crimson red. "I am sorry. I know I look awful. I have been feeling under the weather the last few days."
Bell didn't even give her any notice. She served Eilin a big piece of the pork pie and led her to sit down even though Eilin resisted mildly. "Sit down, pick up the fork and try a small bite. I won't get offended if you hate it."
The woman was kind and her countenance so sweet that Eilin obeyed without a second thought. She picked up the fork, dug into the pie and took a bite half expecting her pregnant body to throw it up again as it had been doing every morning for almost a month now.
It didn't.
Actually an explosion of magnificent textures and tastes took place in her mouth, making her moan out loud and shut her eyes tight. In better days were her life was still in heaven under Thorin's embrace she would have easily compared this food to sex, just to tease him. She swallowed almost greedily and when she opened her eyes, Bell was watching her carefully.
"Did you like it?" she beamed.
Eilin nodded quickly and made to take another bite, but at the last moment hesitated feeling embarrassed.
"Oh for Eru's sake, eat as much as you want girly! I made this for you!" Bell said and went to make her a cup of tea.
Eilin found the opportunity as the woman was not watching to devour her food and debated on getting some more. When Bell returned with her tea she looked proudly at Eilin's empty plate. "Told you I make the best pork pie in all the Shire!"
Eilin smiled timidly. "You do! It was amazing."
Bell scrounged her lips. "You look so malnourished. I think I will bring you food more often. Isn't Bilbo cooking well enough?"
Eilin took a sip from her tea and had to refrain from gulping it all down. This woman's pie had awoken her dead appetite. "He's a very good cook. I was just...sick."
Bell scrounged her lips. "You look it. How long has it been since you have taken a bath dear girl?"
"Ever since I left Erebor," she whispered and then blushed again at revealing her place of origin.
Bell tilted her head. "I knew it! Your clothes betray a dwarrowdam a mile away, yet you don't look like one. Except the size."
Eilin looked away shyly. "I am interracial."
Bell's mouth opened up. "Oh, I see."
Eilin began playing with the dirty edge of her tunic, not knowing what to add to that shameful moment. She remembered how easily Thorin had drawn her into his kin and how eagerly she had accepted that part of her blood. She was carrying that part of him and her inside her now. Suddenly she raised her eyes to Bell and said. "That was wrong. I am not interracial. I am a proud dwarrowdam!" she said decisively.
Bell grinned at her. "Indeed. An exceptional dame of the dwarven cities that desperately needs a bath."
Eilin looked away shamefaced. "I know."
Bell grasped her forearm. "Are you going to eat more?"
Eilin looked at the pork pie and shook her head regretfully. "No, thank you."
"Then follow me", Bell dragged her up and led her to Bilbo's big bathroom.
"What are we doing?"
"Take your clothes off and I will warm some water for you. Then throw them outside the door so I can burn them up," Bell pinched her nose, "they smell."
Eilin bit her lower lip. "I don't have any other clothes." She remembered how she declined every offer for clothing apart from Thorin's coat that was under her covers safely tucked as she denied to sleep unless she was nestling in it.
"I'll bring you some. Wait here!" Bell said and run off.
Eilin remained patiently at the bathroom until Bell returned with a beautiful purple dress with a big bow at the back and a white tunic with puffed up sleeves. She had no shoes with her and she noticed Eilin's look of despair. "We don't use shoes in Hobbiton. You'll get used to it. Now strip and I will bring you the warm water!"
Eilin followed this woman's instructions and ended up taking a rather relaxing bath that loosened up all her stiff muscles. Bell helped her wash away the dirt of many days and clean her hair thoroughly. When she finished, she changed into the small dress that fit her a little loosely around the waist and Bell tightened the bow behind her back. Then she dried up Eilin's hair and began untangling them. It took them close to midday to managed to make her hair smooth and shiny and in the meantime Loa came and admired the result of Bell's intervention. When they were finished Bell didn't have to try hard to convince Eilin to take another piece of pork pie. She took three, praying her stomach wouldn't decide to empty them all in mister Bilbo's living room. Then Bell made a cup of tea for both of them and led Eilin out at Bilbo's bench. They sat and Bell brought between them a basket with some seeds.
"I added lavender to your tea. It will help you sleep," Bell said.
"I don't need anymore sleep. I've been sleeping for too long," Eilin whispered and turned her mug thoughtfully in her hands.
"You look so refreshed..." -Bell winked at her- "you are an astoundingly beautiful girl. I am sure several Hobbits I know well would have loved to woe you..."
Eilin felt her eyes stinging. "I'm...damaged goods."
Bell frowned deeply. "What are you saying darling girl?"
"I am pregnant," Eilin looked up and for the first time Bell saw the deep pain that was hiding behind this neglected exterior.
"And is that a reason to talk about yourself in this degrading manner?" -Bell clasped her knee and squeezed.
Eilin flicked her shoulder. "Isn't it?"
"Not! It's not! Never speak of yourself in this manner. Was this child the result of rape? Is this why you look so hurt?"
Eilin felt her heart falling into the deepest pits. "It was the result of love."
Bell frowned.
Eilin felt the need to explain if only partially. "The man I love thinks I betrayed him with another man."
Bell cringed. "Oh, that sounds painful."
Eilin nodded and wiped away some stray tears from her cheeks.
"So master Bilbo came to the rescue?" Bell smiled calmly.
Eilin nodded, "yes."
Bell sat back and relaxed. "Well life can get hard at times. We have to deal with it."
Eilin looked at her expecting more interrogation or even a wisp of judgment, which never came.
"So have you chosen a name for your baby yet?" Bell said nonchalantly.
Eilin's eyes teared up. "No..." she caressed her lower stomach tenderly.
Bella's eye caught that and she smiled sweetly. "You have to choose a name."
"I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl yet," Eilin looked up bewildered.
"Choose one of each..." Bella flicked her shoulders calmly.
Eilin began nibbling her lower lip. "But I don't know..."
Bella gazed at her with raised brows, waiting.
"I don't know if the baby will survive yet..." Eilin's voice was diminished.
Bella waved her off. "Of course they will survive. Now drink your tea and we will choose names together as you help me plant my seeds. What do you think of that idea?"
Eilin's lips broke with a timid smile. "I like it."
Bella stood up and took her basket at hand. "Come on then, it's not going to rain just yet. We have the time to do some gardening!"
Eilin looked up at the sky that had heavy grey clouds in it, but also large chunks of the bluest blue she had ever seen. She allowed this mild weather to soothe her soul, "what seeds are we planting?" she asked.
"Daffodils," Bell joined with a smile.
Eilin felt the previously warm sensation in her eyes that was always lingering suddenly burning hot and tears sprang out without her being able to stop them. "Isn't that the flower of uncertainty and unrequited love?" she whispered.
Bell frowned. "Yes it is. Are you alright?"
Eilin shook her head and run inside the house suddenly, forgetting all about choosing a baby name or helping Bella with the garden. Bella looked at the door of Bilbo crashing shut with a deep frown.
Neither noticed a black crow cawing as it flew away from a tree close to their bench.
Back in Erebor as similar image of desolation was taking place if not worse. Thorin threw the door of Thror's study open after almost a month of isolation. Balin was caught off guard as he was sleeping upright on a chair next to it. He slipped and fell on the floor. "Laddie?!" he tried to find his footing in order to stand up. He had decided to become a permanent sentinel outside of Thorin's doors, without anyone asking him to do it. Dwalin relieved Balin every couple of hours and slowly several of their remaining comrades joined in with Gloin, Dori and Bifur being the most active. Yet all their efforts to have someone always outside Thorin's door in case he needed help was completely useless. Most of the food trays went untouched and Thorin didn't ask for a single bottle of alcohol for the duration of his isolation. The King had only a single wish during that month. He asked for the best skin artist of Erebor. The artist was found and was pushed into Thror's study even though he was half scared out of his mind of meeting the legendary Oakenshield. He had never worked on the skin of a King before, nevertheless he undertook Thorin's request as bravely as he could.
After that complete silence fell over Thror's study once more. The King's condition brought back memories to all of them from the Blue Mountains when Thorin had locked himself in for eight days to mourn the loss of his father. Only this time it went on for much longer.
So when Thorin opened up the door so violently and dashed out at the corridor Balin felt his heart fluttering with hope that soon turned to fear when he followed his King at the throne room to see him looking at the Arkenstone with a void gaze. He approached slowly not wanting to scare Thorin away. "Laddie, are you alright?"
Thorin looked very rough. His beard was scruffy and his hair a thick mess around him, not to mention the desperate condition of his clothes that he hadn't changed during all these days. Balin didn't notice any true weight loss on him, but the King was a wall of muscle so it was difficult to see his loss of appetite yet onto his body. When the rough richness of the King's voice filled the huge cavern, Balin shuddered. He had missed Thorin's impressive voice so much.
"Did you deliver me the message from the delegations?"
Balin felt his heart failing at that. "Yes son, I did. You were sleeping close to the fire. I didn't want to arouse you."
"Did you read it first?" Thorin's firm stare hadn't lost any of it's potency it seemed during these days of loneliness.
Balin exhaled hard. "I did, but things have gone public Thorin. Even if I hadn't read it I would have already known what this was all about."
Thorin eyes became cruel.
"They are denying to unite under your rule, especially after what happened with your One. The rumours about Eilin are all over Erebor son and no one could do anything to stop them from spreading. She disappeared and you locked yourself up. People understand. You've been unable to rule the stronghold for almost a month now and people worry. They feel unsafe. Everything is slowly falling apart. The delegations have lost their trust in you and Servin is the one who is fuelling the fire. Nothing anyone of us could have done would have stopped this downward spiral you have taken Erebor in. It's only in your hands to stop it." Balin said with tears in his eyes.
Thorin raised his brow. "I know."
"The delegations and your people don't know what happened with Eilin..." Balin said looking totally broken.
Thorin's eyes thundered.
Balin closed his eyes and felt his hands trembling. "If you tell the delegations exactly what happened with Nyrthrasir and speak about Eilin's betrayal they will be able to forgive all this mess. They will understand that a woman's heart can be deceiving sometimes and that their King has been led into a trap. Their trust in you shall have a chance to be won over again."
Thorin's skin crawled, but he remained silent.
"If you don't address what happened with Eilin, they will depart. Already the Broadbeams are getting ready to leave. Thorin this is the last chance to unite the families before everything comes to ruins. Speak to them. Tell them what happened with Eilin. Explain how badly you were betrayed. Make them understand how Eilin's actions destroyed you and that is why you went missing from your obligations. Give them the opportunity to see the pain in your broken heart and then let us all begin to heal. Let us try to create this blessed unity..."
Thorin raised his hand at Balin and closed his eyes. "Enough...that's enough."
Balin was panting. He steepled his fingers nervously. "There is no other choice son, but to tell them exactly what happened and have their faith restored in you."
"You are asking me to disgrace Eilin?" Thorin whispered.
Balin shook his head. "You won't disgrace her. Nyrthrasir's words already have. All this didn't start from you, but from that man and possibly Eilin..."
"Silence!" Thorin grumbled angrily.
Balin froze and felt his hands shaking.
It took several nerve racking moments for Thorin to speak again. "At the desk of the study there is a single scroll with my sigil. Take it to the meeting room."
Balin swallowed in heavy apprehension. "Are you calling a meeting for them?"
Thorin kept his eyes quietly at the Arkenstone for so long that one would have believed him frozen. "Where is the Raven Crown?" he completely ignored Balin's concerned question.
Balin felt his lips curling up timidly. "At your office. Do you need it?"
Thorin nodded. "Take it to the meeting room also. Notify the Lords that I wish to talk to them."
Balin felt his stomach tightening nervously and looked at the deteriorating countenance of his friend. Things should be addressed as soon as possible, but could Thorin truly handle such a formidable task in this condition? "I know I said you had to address them, but maybe you should postpone it for tomorrow?" Balin tired.
The heaviness of Thorin's glare, almost burned Balin's skin off.
The advisor took a couple of hurried steps closer to him. "You haven't talked to anyone for almost a month, you haven't eaten and I don't know if you have slept at all. You look at the end of your teether or more like passed the point of no return."
Thorin remained impassive, but his eyes were penetrating.
"Are you sure you don't want to take a warm bath and change your clothes? Do you want me to bring you up something to eat? I am sure the women have made something good down at the kitchens, but if you don't want theirs I can ask Bombur to make you something. I know you like his food..."
Thorin spoke over him. "I will need Fili to attend the meeting. Notify the boy."
Balin inhaled deeply and stopped. "Laddie you don't look well enough to address the lords at this moment. Do it tomorrow or the day after. You need to rest."
"Get on with it..." Thorin said dismissively and left a very edgy Balin behind to muse over him.
When the King came to the entrance a lot of people froze in apprehension and he became the subject of a scrutiny that derived from Erebor's deep concern about their ruler. Seeing him out in public after so many days of isolation woke up a protective thread towards Thorin not only from his comrades that were camping outside his doors, but also from the common people that were exchanging words of concern as he walked past the heavy gates with strong decisive steps. No one dared approach him though to offer their solicitude. The darkness in his glare and the strictness of his countenance were enough to keep every worried citizen away.
The same fearful concern didn't keep his guards away from him though. Two approached the King before he had the chance to get lost into the dark corridors.
"Your Royal Highness, we have a problem."
Thorin stopped abruptly and tightened his fists. "What is it?" The last thing he wanted after so many days of silence was to be addressed by Erebor's guards.
"This dwarfling found a half dead woman at the edge of Mirkwood forest." The soldiers said.
Thorin turned around and lo and behold none other than Lis was standing there playing with the hem of her tunic. "Hi Sir!" she waved at him.
Thorin looked left and right to see if someone was pulling a trick on him. The faces of his guards were solemn and indeed there were two other guards behind carrying a stretcher with what looked like a bundle of dishevelled black clothes and bones on it. "Lis..."
"Hi!" she waved at him again, but felt uncertain when she saw his stern gaze.
"What in the name of Mahal's holy beard were you doing at Mirkwood?" Thorin's eyes thinned.
"I wanted to find clues..." Lis bit her lower lip.
Thorin frowned. "About what?"
"About what happened with miss Eilin. Princess Dis told me to search in and out of Erebor..." Lis began eagerly.
"Enough!" Thorin's voice thundered in the cavern and made the little girl jerk back nervously along with several bystanders.
"I didn't do well, right? I am so sorry Sir", her bottom lip pouted and began trembling. She was on the verge of tears.
"If you mother learns we weren't looking out for you she's going to unleash all hell on us and I wouldn't give her any fault. You are not supposed to leave the safe enclosure of these walls! Not unless my sister or me are with you," Thorin snapped forbiddinly.
"But you were locked up Sir!" Lis looked at him with wide honest eyes.
"What about Dis then?" he raised his brow.
Lis averted her eyes and began twisting the hem nervously around her fingers.
"You didn't ask her, did you?" he continued relentless.
Lis shook her head and wiped away a few stray tears. The guards looked at each other worried.
"Don't ever do that again, do you understand?" Thorin's nose flared.
"I am sorry Sir...I won't." Lis said and sobbed. This unexpected cold attack from the man that she was seeing as a father figure was hurting her deeply. She was not able to understand Thorin's heavy emotional distress.
Thorin pushed a guard out of the way and came next to the stretcher. "Who's she?"
The guards shook their heads. "Don't know your majesty. She's been out ever since we found her. Little one insists she was whispering your name."
Thorin turned to Lis who was sniffling. He approached and stood in front of her for several moments. Commanding her to look at him with his silence. When she did his eyes thinned on her, but his large palm cupped her cheek. "She used my name?"
Lis felt her tears drying immediately at this tender caress from the King. "Yes. She kept whispering Oakenshield."
"Anything else?" he frowned towards the stretcher.
"No Sir. Nothing." Lis shook her head.
He nodded and removed his hand. "Very well. Don't ever let me catch you outside the walls of Erebor without an official escort or there will be serious consequences!"
"Alright Sir. I am sorry I angered you." She sounded very remorseful.
Thorin pressed his lips. "You have a knack on scaring me, not angering me."
Lis looked up to him eagerly.
Thorin raised a critical brow at her.
"What are we to do with the woman your majesty?" a guard asked.
Thorin turned thoughtfully at the stretcher that was carrying Rhiannon. "Take her to the infirmary and tell Oin to look after her."
Another guard asked. "She used your name my Lord. Do you recognise her?"
Thorin's eyes passed from a bony face that looked way too old for the blackness of those hair. He shook his head indifferently. "No."
The guards led Rhiannon away and Thorin took the corridor down to the hot springs. Leaving a thoughtful Lis in the middle of the entrance. She debated whom to follow. Should she go after the man whom she had idolised and try to get onto his good side again? She loved it when he was treating with such care. Should she go back to mistress Dis and help her out, or should she follow the soldiers and go into the infirmary to see how the medical man was going to help out this woman? She placed her small finger on her lips and her eyes swirled around on all the possible directions. Rhiannon's stretcher in the end won and Lis followed the soldiers quickly down to the infirmary. Her curiosity about this sick woman got the best of her.
Close to noon found Thorin in his rooms after taking a rather lengthy trip through the hot springs. He chose an impressive deep crimson royal vest and trousers and his eyes examined himself with austerity. His hair was pulled to the back of his head with an expensive carved golden bead that bore the Longbeard sigil. His face was set and his eyes determined, yet there was an undertone of sadness still in them. At that moment looking back at him in the mirror was not Thorin Oakenshield, but the King Under the Mountain. The King of Durin's Folk. His eyes rolled down to the golden embroidery on the lapels of his velvet vest and he swallowed heavily. He raised his hand to his mouth and his palm opened up to reveal the dainty amulet that was buried in it. His lips touched it gently.
"This one is for you...", he whispered and closed his eyes.
Several moments later as he was entering the King's Hall, everyone opened up and kneeled down respectfully for him. In the morning Erebor has seen his isolated King coming out looking totally dishevelled and bearing a wave of dismissal towards everything around him. At noon they saw the majestic King of Erebor emerging haughtily from the Royal corridors and their gazes filled with awe and adoration. Still though no one approached him, or the two guards that were walking at his flanks. He passed the King's Halls not even feeling the air of reverence from his subjects. His mind was set at what was waiting for him at the meeting room.
When the doors opened up to welcome him inside the huge impressive carven all the lords stood up respectfully. He sat at the head of the table and everyone bowed to him in salutation.
"Please take a seat." He allowed and everyone did.
He crossed his hands and all of them subconsciously mimicked the obvious leader of the group. Thorin's eyes looked coldly at the middle of the desk, where his official scroll and the Raven Crown had been placed by Balin.
"Úri's Folk, Linnar's Folk, Sindri's Folk, Thulin's Folk, Var's Folk and Vigdís's Folk, thank you for accepting to attend this meeting on such short notice." Thorin's powerful voice resonated through everyone.
They looked at each other and smiled.
Bjarki was the one that spoke on behalf of all. "It is our honour to see you again my Lord."
Thorin inclined his head. "As much as it is a ruler's obligation to command, so it is his solemn duty to elucidate his actions, especially when they seem to create serious instability upon his rule. Something that cannot be denied anymore in Erebor."
Several worried looks were exchanged.
"My hope still is that you will all become permanent members of this city so I feel committed to address your concerns and I vow to unfold every single thread of truth to you. You and the people of Erebor deserve nothing less. Only after learning the truth will your decisions about this unity be truly unbiased."
A wave of grateful appreciation awoke from his words.
"May I be allowed to take you on a small journey to the past, before I attempt to explore the present?" he looked around.
"By all means!" Durar waved his hand elegantly and everyone agreed eagerly except from Servin who leaned back thoughtfully and Fili who was scrutinising his hands intently.
Thorin drew inwards slowly. The introspection that had been tormenting his mind during his isolation now needed to be communicated towards these men. This was possibly his most important speech in more than a century. A speech that could rally everyone to his cause or disperse them into the four wings. This was his final stand for his people but also for the woman who mattered most in his life. The ghosts of his forefathers gathered at his flanks, once more ready to judge his every word, but the more he drew in on himself and collected his thoughts the more Thrain and Thror pulled away into the faded lines of history and he didn't even notice.
"When I arrived into this forgotten land of our ancestors with my company it was not my intention to rage war, but war befell on us nonetheless. The darkness that rules in the east behind the Ash Mountains didn't want to allow our kin to reclaim the mountain and reinforce the allies of the North, nor did they want to lose the biggest treasury in all of Middle Earth. An error in my judgement it was to believe that I only had to face the Elves and the people of Esgaroth as enemies. I was mistaken. The forces that were marching against us were chillingly more dangerous and their numbers far less easily confronted. I, along with twelve brave comrades was unable to defend this stronghold and hadn't it been for Dain the second -also known as the courageous Ironfoot- this city would have been retaken by the forces of evil once more."
Dain gave him a quiet proud smile that said more than any words would have been able to express.
Thorin continued, pulling further down the winding staircase of his innermost thoughts. Almost feeling that he was alone in the cavern. "This darkness with a combination of heavily armoured war carriages and an overwhelming volume of violent hoards of trained orcs, tried to break through the dwarfish and elvish defences. They managed to penetrate deeply and spread alarm and confusion thus pushing the elven defences south towards Dale, leaving only Dain's army as the last line of protection before Erebor fell once more. Everyone fought courageously, my Lords. From the highest commander down to the last soldier the rallying that took place at the gates of Erebor was enough to push back the enemy lines until they were trapped between us and the elven army that hadn't retreated fully by then. Had we allowed ourselves to be intimidated by the presence of such heavily armoured war carriages coming down from our flanks we may have failed. If the elven division and Dain's army weren't so well handled by their commanders all would have been lost. The elves retained that genius for recovery and counter-attack for which they are so famous and our kin brought the enemy face to face with the endurance and enormous fighting power we are so well known for. The combination led to the reshaping of the battle's outcome onto our favour." -He stopped and his eyes passed calmly from everyone to make sure he had their attention before he continued- "We must now view with trust the stabilisation of the North by both the Elven and the Dwarven armies. Only in complete cooperation can we be able to outmatch the adversaries of darkness. I have unshaken confidence in the Elven army and their King, but our kin must quickly cast away the notion of resisting the darkness alone. We must become aware that security can only be regained by the formidable combination of an alliance. Not only between Dwarves and Elves, but also between ourselves. This spirit must inspire not only the high command, but every warrior in our barracks." Thorin's brows came together pensively.
"An alliance between us and the Elves is not something easily accomplished my King, even though your words are truly awe inspiring," the head of Uri's Folk spoke.
"The alliance has already been accomplished my lord. The moment the elven army defended our lines, they became our valued allies in this war and hopefully in all the remaining battles that will burn Middle Earth as the darkness arises in the east. We must expect that even though stability has reached our front today, the mass of that hideous structure of blind aggression which gashed our barracks into near ruin and slavery will be turned upon others. Maybe not tomorrow, or in a dozen years, but eventually it will. I am sure I speak for all when I say we must be ready to endure and retaliate against it will it ever dare to return back into our lands."
Several battle cries thundered into the cavern, but Dain's thunderous voice was strongest of them all.
Thorin raised his hand and everybody quickly settled down. "But shall we undertake all that alone, or as an alliance of Dwarves, Elves and Men alike?" -Thorin looked at them keenly- "for that is the reason you are here my lords. To offer your allegiance to Durin's Folk."
Everybody nodded except from Servin.
"You must be aware that my kin will offer their allegiance to both Men and Elves, for this battle proved to me that alone we shall perish. Divided we shall fall, united we shall stand. The men and women who faced the ordeal of seeing their family homes destroyed under this unspeakable wave of malevolence are now trying to find comfort in all the major dwarves cities around Middle Earth. Erebor is one of them. These men and women already feel pride that they are sharing the perils of our warriors in battle and they will be ready to alleviate even a small part of the peril that this soldiers have to endure in order to protect them. Let them feel pride in seeing the unity of our families joined in the battle against the darkness. Only if we assist one another, man to man and soldier to soldier, shall we be able not only to become great again, but to also create a fearsome front in the North that will be able to balance out the forces of evil between the north and the south."
"A triple alliance between Erebor, Dale and the Elves of Mirkwood...well it's an impressive idea, if not slightly ambitious." Bjarki raised his brow.
"Dale, the Elves of Mirkwood and the seven dwarf families of Erebor! There is not only one alliance that is needed to balance out the forces of evil, but many. Question is, can we do it?" Thorin said gravely.
"The elves betrayed our kin in many instances. How can we trust them?" Servin asked.
"They betrayed my people a hundred and seventy years ago, but also they stood next to my people a few months ago. They have shown me both faces. Good and evil. It all comes down to what we are willing to see. Can I give them a chance to prove that they can become our loyal allies? Can you?" Thorin said calmly.
Bjarki leaned back and offered Durar a thoughtful look. No one spoke.
"Are we prepared to lay the past to rest and allow a new era for our races to begin? Can we put our grudges behind and try to change history for our children? Can we overlook our pride so we can pave new roads for the future generations?" Thorin continued with a determined serenity that was influencing his interlocutors more than any boastful speech would have ever done.
No one spoke but they looked deeply thoughtful, drawn inwards by Thorin's heavy words.
"I am well aware that asking you to accept an allegiance to the Elves and Men may seem improbable, nay impossible. More so under such an unstable rule as mine." -Thorin said and placed his palms peacefully upon the table. Fili on the contrary tensed next to him.
"My Lord your rule is undisputed and respected by all. You are one of the most legendary warriors of our kin. One of the best commanders of Durin's folk..." Durar began, but Thorin raised his hand and stalled him.
"Allow me to explain," he asked politely.
Durar bowed respectfully.
"I was born under the most fierce warrior of our kin, lord Thrain. One cannot be born into such honourable blood and not feel ashamed for having stained their dignity with his actions. When I left the Blue Mountains with a new hope that I could reclaim Erebor, not only for my people but for all our kin, I always expected to come face to face with death. When that happened, I never expected to be brought back to life." -a smile cracked on his pale lips- "even less then did I ever believe that during this trial I would ...fall in love."
His admittance came so suddenly and was spoken so quietly, it sucked all the air out of the room. You could hear a pin dropping.
"Yes, my lords. I fell in love, quite unexpectedly. I saw my One and I knew I didn't want to live without her a single moment more. Was I reasonable? No, but who ever believes that a heart can be reasoned with?"
A few knowing smiles escaped here and there.
"I should have suppressed the call of my heart for the good of my people, like I have done in the past" -his eyes fell heavily on Servin who looked at his hands instantly- "but I was unable to do it this time. I made that folly once before and everything ...died around me. I didn't want to kill hope in my heart again. I couldn't." He kept looking at the top of Servin's head until Siv's brother looked up once more. His eyes were wet and his countenance broken. "I betrayed a beautiful woman in the past. A woman of incomparable ethics and a second to none loyalty. One of the brightest stars of Erebor. A woman that deserved the best of me, but got the worse. I feel ashamed and deeply regretful for that. My life had been a nightmare ever since I betrayed my first love. Then suddenly this woman came along and I saw my One again. I couldn't understand why I had this second chance in love until someone dear to me pointed out that I also had been given a second chance in life. I wasn't willing therefore to use that second chance in life and love to make the same mistakes. Would you have done so, had you been in my stead?" his eyes never left Servin's.
Siv's brother shook his head. "No." He rejoined with a shaken voice.
Thorin sighed and nodded. "The situation between my One and me was unpredictable, but my heart wished to follow it home and that is what I did. I don't regret presenting you my ultimate need to marry this woman no matter her low rank. A need that turned out unfounded as in the end life held for me a new nightmare. We separated, but surely most of you are aware of my most disgraceful situation by now. A disgrace that had nothing to do with the honourable lady by my side, but everything to do with me."
No one spoke and many averted their eyes.
"You, my Lords, must not allow the follies of my heart to stain what my mind has planned thoroughly for the good of our people. I know that it is hard-nay impossible of me to ask you to separate the actions that derived from my heart from the actions that were born in my mind, but I shall beg you to do so. For the will of my heart went against the will of my mind. What my heart sought was destroying what my mind had planned for this great stronghold and the unity of our seven families, until I threw it to ruins. I cannot hope to rule the mountain without everybody whispering behind my back about my shortcomings. That is why I am speaking so candidly to you today. I will hide nothing for you, for nothing must be hidden. You must know all and then make your decisions."
"My lord I swear..." Durar began, but Dain spoke over him.
"No one shall speak of your name offensively and hope to live in front of me," Dain's hand fell hard on the table.
Thorin raised his hand and silence fell. "Allow me please." He said calmly.
They all nodded except from Servin who looked frozen and pale.
"Not only have I dishonoured a brilliant woman in the past, but this madness has been repeated again with my fiancee, even though that was never my intention. Now I live to count my failures. I failed my forefathers and my people. My comrades, my soldiers, you and the two women I loved more than life. You may look at me and see a King that holds all the burden of this great stronghold on his shoulders, but am I such or is it just an illusion? At the end of the day I am just a man. Full of weaknesses and flaws that eventually proved evil enough to rattle the throne of Erebor from the roots. My shortcomings were able to destabilise the security of my people and make them live in fear of their future. A King should never put his needs above those of his people. I failed to that test, this time around. I admit to my follies and I strongly believe they will continue to create uncertainty for my kin if I insist on claiming the throne. I must ask your forgiveness. I shouldn't have ever asked you to unite under an unstable ruler."
A wave of shocked murmurs filled the cavern.
Thorin didn't stop. Instead his calmness slowly drew back and his voice became deeper and more stern. "I deny to be the one to bring back the shadow to these lands. I will not be the one to bring back the darkness in Durin's Halls. I will not be the King that shall be condemned to see his realm rise and fall for all eternity. I will be the one to break the circle of doom and see this rule rise to brilliance! I will be the one to help the seven stars of Durin rule again united and bring hope to the people, for that is what I have set out to do since the beginning! If I have to step away from the throne in order to achieve that, then I am ready."
Another wave of murmurs this time of confusion and nervousness.
Thorin reached out and picked up his scroll. He stood up and opened it. Fili stood up also and tried to hide his trembling hands from his uncle. "This is my official abdication and the reasons for it. The same reasons I spoke about today..."
Dain stood up and struck his hand on the table. "No! I shall not have that!"
Durar punched his heart. "Me neither!"
"Your abdication is the only thing that's going to cause an instability, not what happened in your personal life! This is unheard off! Straighten out your head Thorin!" Bjarki cried.
"He's acting honourably! Allow him to do so!" the Lord of Uri's Folk retorted heavily.
"Honourably? He's pulling the earth right from under our feet!" The Lord of Sindri's Folk rejoined angrily and then they all began arguing with each other. All except Servin who was looking at Thorin entranced.
"Silence!" the King's baritone reverberated through the cavern and brought immediate stillness. He looked around sternly.
Everyone held their breaths as they were in front of a historical moment not only for Erebor, but for all Middle Earth. No dwarfish King had ever abdicated.
"This is the manifesto of my abdication and it awaits the signature of the Heads of the six families. My signature is already on it."
No one dared to move.
"I believe in this unity with all my heart and I will back it up by any means I can. Stepping away from the throne is the best way to help you. I am doing this to allow a better ruler with a clean past and a bright future to take over. A fierce warrior that has stood by my side in countless battles. A brilliant commander and a righteous soul that will do his best for our kin. You cannot and will not pledge all the seven swords under my unsteady rule and questionable private life. Promise to me that you shall all pledge your hearts and swords under prince Fili's kingship and I will do my best to help both him and you in order to reclaim the greatness of our kin."
His words had made such a great impact that one could see how many of the lords seemed deeply affected. Many eyes were tearing up and many faces were looking away from the King.
Thorin picked up the Raven Crown and turned to his pale nephew that stood proud and still in front of him. He came down to one knee and presented him with the crown. "The King has abdicated. Long live the King." His rich voice reverberated into the cavern and everyone held their breaths.
Fili took the crown but didn't wear it. "Stand up please, before I kneel down too." His voice was shaking as he pulled up his beloved uncle.
"Do you want to completely break us you bloody bastard?...you are doing it..." Dain grumbled and wiped away several tears that had run down his cheeks.
Thorin turned his attention at his boy and felt his eyes overflowing with tears. He pulled him in by the nape and enclosed him in a tender embrace only a father could have given to his boy. "Rule wisely my son. Choose to listen to your heart over your mind. I lost centuries of happiness because I didn't know which part to listen to. Rule with your head held high and know that Kili's loss hadn't been for naught. Your brother and your father would have been so proud of where you stand today. The grand King of our brave kin."
Fili pressed him tightly. "Uncle please."
"I hope Mahal will bless me with life in order to stand by your side and admire your rule. Keep your head held high my King" -he pulled back and cupped Fili's cheek, pulling his face up. Fili's tears spread in Thorin's palms- "may Mahal bless your rule for more than a hundred years." He whispered with the sweetest smile his heart could have produced.
Fili placed the Raven Crown at the table and embraced his uncle with a force that knocked all the air out of Thorin's lungs. It took the abdicated King a lot of effort to pull away from Fili's tight embrace and give him a final smile of love. Then he looked at each and every lord straight in the eyes, unafraid and unshaken.
Each formidable head of the six clans kneeled down, even Servin.
Thorin bowed at them respectfully before throwing the door open and leaving.
When Thorin left the meeting room he was well aware that he had left behind six very upset lords and a nephew that was ready to collapse under the pressure. He knew very well that once more he was rewriting history, but this time not in the best colours. He had placed his hand around the roots that held the dwarves together for centuries and with his words and actions plunged them deep into the ground. Hoping to see a new tree to take on roots into these ancient lands. His sister had ben certain that Thorin would make history for being the first King to rule more than a hundred years. Instead he made history for being the first King to renounce the most important throne of their race.
When he left the meeting room he knew that he left behind him ruins, but he knew that sometimes a great shock is needed for men to push through and come out the other side victorious. His nephew may have been shaking like a leaf from head to toe, but now he had a chance to feel what it was like to be the ruler of such a great kingdom. He would be able to test his resilience against this hard trial and see if he could raise above. As for all these lords, now they had no reason whatsoever to deny their unity under the Arkenstone. Thorin had given them an impeccable young leader to rule them, that didn't have his dark past and present faulty decisions on his resume. He never bespoke of the King's gem on purpose, wanting to instil in them the noble notion that it was not a gem that would be uniting them, but their own need to become one against a common enemy. That they had to trust each other, Elves and Men and their new ruler in order to become great once more. That by distrusting their ruler or each other they would only become weaker in the eyes of the darkness. It had taken him two hundred years to realise what needed to be done and when he gave up that much coveted throne he didn't feel any sadness. Only pride for his nephew and hope that with this unconventional diplomatic move he had managed what was important for his kin. His own needs mattered little in front of the needs of his people. Hadn't he dreamed of sitting on that throne under the Arkenstone perchance? He had been dreaming it ever since he set out in this quest to reclaim Erebor. It was the only thing on his mind, so how ironic was it that he denied it with such ease?
When he entered the armoury his mind was almost empty. He took a long time to survey several armours and he ended up sitting down on a stone bench with Bilbo's forgotten Mithril in his hands. Contemplating if he wanted to wear it. Was it so important for him to survive at the end of the day? What mattered most has already been accomplished. He had done everything in his power to make things right. It was the voice of Dwalin that put a stop on his grim contemplations.
"What the hell have you done you mindless troll?"
Thorin looked up.
"Did you renounce the bleeding throne?!" Dwalin pointed behind him.
Thorin nodded quietly, "yes."
Dwalin sat down in front of him and pulled the Mithril out of his grasp. "Give me that bloody thing and tell me why are you hiding in here after you unleashed all hell in Erebor?"
"Erebor needed all hell unleashed in order to progress Dwalin. It was becoming stale and my rule was the one making those waters murkier by the day." Thorin retorted calmly.
"It took you a month to come to the decision to renounce the throne and bring us to our knees? What about all the sacrifices we made in order to come to this place? We shed our blood for you to sit on that throne. You died for this cause!" Dwalin snapped angrily.
"Wait a minute? Bring you to your knees? How did I do that? This kingdom has a respectable and honourable ruler in my stead. I didn't let it sail ungoverned. Don't accuse me of irresponsibility Dwalin. I am not well enough to handle your anger!"
Dwalin straightened and took a deep breath. "Fili poor boy is a brilliant warrior and an unprecedented commander but the burden you placed on his shoulders is too great. He cannot take over such a rule as yours! You are asking too much out of him too soon! Now he locked himself up in his study and is refusing to talk to anyone also."
"He will cope, I trust in him. There is no way to take over the reins of the Lonely Mountain and not go through some serious internal debate about your ability. I went through that, Thrain went through it and so did Thror. So will all the Kings that will pass from this bloody throne!" Thorin rejoined heavily.
Dwalin crossed his arms. "How about all the sacrifices we made for you to sit on it?"
"We Dwalin reclaimed this mountain and it's immense cold for all of our kin not only Durin's Folk. Does it matter if I sit under the Arkenstone or Fili? Is it so important which king is on the throne when we have gained back our homeland and the Longbeards will create the unison of the seven clans under their rule? I am using my second chance in life in order to make Thror's dream come true. The lords would never unite under me. At least one would have put a stop into this noble cause. Servin. By stepping away I am giving him the opportunity to join the others and make this damn dream come true for all of us. Do you think Thrain and Thror would have minded if I was on the throne or their great grandson is? Wouldn't they have minded much more about the unison of the seven clans?" Thorin said imperatively.
Dwalin's lips turned down. "I don't want bow to any other King than you Thorin. I love Fili like a son, but it's not the same."
Thorin leaned his face onto his palm and felt all the internal fatigue suddenly pouring out of him, "don't look at this personally. Try to look at the greater good Dwalin. You know what I did was the only way for us to achieve our primary goal."
Dwalin hesitated for a few moments before speaking again. "And to clear up Eilin's name."
Thorin shuddered. "I would have never dragged her name to the ground Dwalin, no matter what happened."
His friend leaned his elbows on his knees. "By Gods, I know."
"They would have never united under me. Not after everything that happened with Eilin and the choices I made. I had to clear her name and I had to give this unity a chance. I was becoming a liability." Thorin sounded exhausted, but determined.
"You don't seem to understand that you are our biggest asset, not a liability." Dwalin shook his head disheartened.
"I was a liability with the gold sickness, and I am a liability now..." Thorin's voice became harder.
Dwalin's nose flared. He grabbed Thorin's bicep firmly. "No!"
Thorin pulled free. "It's done. It's over...enough..." he sounded bone-tired.
Dwalin closed his eyes, but remained silent.
"Split the supervision of Erebor's army between you and Dain please..." Thorin rubbed his forehead.
"What?" Dwalin looked up suddenly.
"Lis found a half dead woman in the borders of Mirkwood. Our defences are not as sturdy as I would have wanted them. This woman came too close to Erebor and the little one shouldn't have gone out this far. You and Dain survey the outposts and make sure the protection around Erebor is not slacking. Stand next to Fili and give him advice. He doesn't have the experience needed, but he has a fire in his heart. You, Dain, Balin, Durar, Bjarki and Gloin will provide the experience Fili needs. Keep all of them close to him and coordinate everything between you." Thorin rejoined and stood up to search the weapons on the racks.
"Do that yourself! It's you the army needs to see in order to take up courage, not us. It's you that Fili needs by his side, not us. Do you intend to go anywhere and you are giving me such grave orders?" Dwalin frowned back at him.
Thorin shook his head. "Don't play with me Dwalin, I have no more strength."
"Me neither. You broke me completely." Dwalin's eyes teared up.
"Forgive me, but I have no other choice." Thorin said quietly.
Dwalin stood up and walked in front of him. He clasped his shoulders with a worried frown. "Why did you come into the armoury Thorin?"
Thorin rubbed his forehead, but remained silent.
Dwalin looked at the opening of Thorin's royal tunic around the neck and upper chest. He frowned and with his fingers pulled it further back. He looked at the centre of Thorin's wide chest. "Is this what the skin artist created that day you asked for him?"
Thorin pulled back. "Yes."
"A dove...," Dwalin's gaze felt imperative.
Thorin walked to the war axe rack silently.
"Whom was it made for?" Dwalin asked him with burning eyes.
Thorin picked up an axe and balanced it on his hand to feel it's solid weight calming him down. He didn't answer again.
"Is it for Eilin?" Dwalin rejoined persistently.
"Stop," Thorin hissed and his long fingers tightened around the handle of the weapon.
Dwalin gritted his teeth and came over to him. He grabbed his bicep and turned him around fiercely. "Tell me what you want me to do and I shall do it! Do you want me to go find her for you? I will!"
Thorin shook his head. "I don't know what to do. This is an endless torture that I don't know how to stop."
"You are just a man who is hurting from deep sorrow. Give yourself some time to settle down. It won't be easy," Dwalin tried a gentler approach on seeing his friend in such repressed anguish.
"I failed everyone Dwalin," Thorin looked back at him. His eyes had a shadow of determination that made Dwalin take a more careful look at him.
"You've never failed me. I will be forever by your side! I will follow you everywhere, I've told you before!" Dwalin retorted heavily.
"There is only one place I want to go," Thorin muttered.
Dwalin turned around and started checking the other rack that was full of battle hammers. "Name it. I will choose my weapon and I shall follow you!" He spoke these words with the endless loyalty that always burned with fiery passion in his heart, but they were the last words he was going to speak to Thorin that evening. Thorin's war axe struck Dwalin on the back of the head with it's blunt handle. The strike was of extreme precision, but so violent it didn't give Dwalin the chance to realise what happened. He fell unconscious onto the stone floor with a faded groan of pain.
Thorin sat on his shins and checked Dwalin's pulse. It was beating steadily. Then he pulled Dwalin's hair away from his nape to check on his wound. It was bleeding mildly. He cupped Dwalin's forehead. "I don't want you to follow me where I am going, you fool." He whispered and stood up.
He looked at Bilbo's Mithril shirt in disdain and threw down the war axe. Before leaving the armoury he gave one last forlorn look to his childhood friend.
A/N:
* Elvish poetry (Annotated Hobbit, p. 92)
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