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To your heart, I am bound
The very same evening at the Shire, Eilin was trying very hard to become the maiden that master Bilbo had hired even though the gentle hobbit never required any work out of her. That noon the very famous grey wizard had knocked at their doors and Eilin lounged around at the kitchen quietly in order to admire that legendary figure that she had seen also from afar in Erebor. Loa took over everything concerning the food that was to be served and about the arrangements of the table. In fact it was Loa who served the two friends even though Eilin insisted on doing it. Load denied vehemently reminding Eilin about the poor condition of her health and the ongoing weakness of her body that for some reason was becoming worse by the day. It was not only the weight she was losing, It was also her inability to stand up for too long without feeling weak at the knees. Those concerns always sent Eilin's mind into a tailspin about her pregnancy, making feel rather certain that something evil was going to happen. Each time she used the toilet she went in with perturbation and came out partly relieved. The fear was eating up inside whatever Thorin's dismissal hadn't already destroyed. At times she didn't know if she'd be able to give birth to this child if she ever came to term. She wasn't certain she'd dig up the courage and the strength it needed to undertake this formidable task alone. Of course Loa reassured her that she was going to be there and that she had acted as a midwife in several cases, but that still counted as alone for poor Eilin. Her One was not going to be there. Half of her was missing and her heart was unable to mend, no matter the generosity of Bella or anyone else that tried to uplift her spirits and fill out the huge void Thorin's absence had created.
So she lingered in the kitchen taking sneak peeks of the grey wizard and caressing her belly as Loa served them tea after a rather satisfying dinner.
"I thought you were supposed to stay to Ithilien more." Bilbo sipped his tea calmly.
"I was asked to join Lord Elrond in Rivendell and you know well my dear friend that if my way passes close to the Shire I will visit, even if it is for a little while." Gandalf's lips curled up.
Bilbo sighed. "It's good that you came, even though my household is rather hectic at the moment."
Gandalf raised his brow. "I've heard you became a rather generous host to a very illustrious guest."
Eilin paled and threw a gaze of trepidation at Loa who smiled at her.
"Illustrious is an understatement." Bilbo scrounged his lips.
"Do tell..." Gandalf smirked and raised his brow.
"Oh, this went undetected by the most nosy wizard of Middle Earth? How?" Bilbo beamed up truly surprised.
"I know that your guest is very important to Erebor," Gandalf said quietly.
"But you don't know who it is!" Bilbo raised his finger.
"Admittedly no..." Gandalf rejoined.
Bilbo settled down and looked at the wizard for a little while silently.
"Come on Baggins!" -Gandalf rumbled- "We've been through hell together. You know I will not betray your secret."
Bilbo shook his head. "Thorin did a very good job, if this went undetected by you."
Eilin leaned against the casing of the archway, still hidden.
"That stubborn dwarf lord has to do with your guest?" Gandalf exhaled some smoke through his nose.
Bilbo sighed. "I am hosting the fiancee of the Mountain King and the unborn heir of Durin."
Gandalf's face froze in time.
"Took me years to silence you..." Bilbo's lips cracked a small smile.
Gandalf inhaled smoke deeply. "Well...King Thorin has been rather busy from what I reckon, but not everything you are revealing is new to me. All of Middle Earth knows about the famous red headed siren, but I admit none know about the child in her."
Bilbo exhaled through his nose. "Things are rather grim and I'd rather we didn't speak more for this, or that it doesn't get out."
Gandalf raised his brow. "My mouth is sealed, but can I meet her?"
Bilbo shook his head. "Forget it. Poor woman is in frail health. She needs repose."
Eilin toyed with the hem of her apron for several moments, not feeling Loa's imperative eyes on her back. When she decided to reveal herself from the safe enclosure of the kitchen alcove, Gandalf's mouth curled up in a very appreciative smile. "I think she decided to cut her repose short my dear Baggins."
Bilbo cringed and moved about his seat uncomfortably. "Why are you up dear Eilin? You should be laying down." He looked at her concerned.
She pointed above her shoulder. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with the grey wizard," she said quietly.
"And you decided to make your appearance." Gandalf noticed.
"You were talking about me..." she said casually.
"Which was inappropriate so please forgive us, but allow an old man as me to reveal how enchanted he is by you," Gandalf bowed gracefully and took off his hat.
She blushed and looked towards her apron. "Nice to meet your acquaintance my lord."
"I am no lord. Come come, let me have a closer look at you," Gandalf motioned her to approach.
She forced a smile. "I really have to return to my room Sir. The only reason I came out was to beg you to keep the knowledge of my pregnancy a secret. The reputation of a great man is at stake by it. Please..."
Gandalf's brows clouded. "I shall not speak of it young lady. Fear not. I have kept the secrets of Gods. I am sure I can keep yours."
She closed her eyes in relief and offered them a ghostly smile. "Thank you. I must return to my room. If you would excuse me." She made to go, but Gandalf's voice stopped her.
"Surely you can stay for a few precious moment in order to allow me to admire you." Gandalf smiled.
"Admire me? I assure you there is nothing to admire," she averted her eyes timidly.
"But I see there is, young lady. You are the beautiful woman that stole the heart of the Mountain King. You have created a legend of your own in Middle Earth. Your name is being sung by bards and many women look up to you, not only in the dwarven cities, but in many different places, in many different races." Gandalf grinned.
Eilin's face paled. "They look up to me, even after what happened between me and the Mountain King? My story doesn't have a good ending master wizard and these songs must be very sad indeed. I must be a very poor role model for all these women." She felt her eyes burning.
Bilbo came to her rescue. "Gandalf can we please drop the subject? I don't think it is appropriate to discuss this with her."
Eilin turned to Bilbo. "No master Baggins, allow him to talk. This has been burning my heart for so long. What kind of a role model can an interracial maiden that used to sleep with whores be master Gandalf for the young girls of Middle Earth?" she said showing the true hatred she was feeling for herself.
"Only the very best young lady. You seem to have a skewed idea of your worth, something that derives from your past, yet Middle Earth doesn't have the same idea for you. Isn't that peculiar?" Gandalf raised his brow.
"Then either I am daft or your ears and eyes are misleading you master wizard! What happened to me was not something that must be sung to children. It is something that must be hidden in the darkest dungeons of each city and village. Or maybe it should be sang, but as an example of what to avoid in love!" She said and her small hands became tight fists.
Gandalf exhaled smoke calmly, but his eyes turned deeply scrutinising on her after a few moments of silence. "Indeed what happened was not pleasant. I am sorry you had to go through all this young lady."
Eilin frowned and pulled back confused. "That I had to go through? What do you mean?" Her voice lost all it's might and became hushed.
Gandalf raised his brow. "It was almost expected that the tempest that surrounds Thorin would eventually drive you away. How can any woman stand by the side of this stubborn dwarf lord? He knows well how to light up fire tornadoes, but doesn't know how to extinguish them unfortunately. What did he do to dishonour you? What despicable action of his drove you away?"
"What are you talking about? You think he acted dishonourably to me, that's why I left?" Eilin looked up suddenly.
Gandalf looked confused at her. "Of course. What else could have happened?"
Eilin couldn't tell if that man knew and was pretending the opposite or if he was indeed in the dark. "Master wizard you don't need to pretend ignorance. All of Erebor and possibly the whole of Middle Earth knows by now the real reason why I followed mister Bilbo to the Shire. They are all aware of the shame that will be following me for the rest of my life. The branding of infidelity and betrayal that will mark my name forever. Don't the songs describe how my betrayal broke the Mountain King? Don't they speak about the child I conceived with another man in order to destroy the heart of Thorin Oakenshield? Don't they show my love for gold and power? And if they don't maybe they should...they should inform all these women that look up to me about all the reasons that separated me from the legendary Mountain King." She sounded as exhausted as she felt and didn't need to keep up pretence for anyone anymore. She was just tired of everything.
"Eilin, I'd suggest you don't speak anymore." Bilbo looked at her imperatively.
She looked at her hands that felt cold and shaky. "Why mister Bilbo? It's not as if everybody doesn't know already. I am sure many people expected this behaviour from an interracial girl with questionable ethics. A girl who doesn't even know her parents..." The lack of empathy for herself was worrying. Loa felt her eyes overflowing with tears and touched her shoulders gently only to feel them shuddering.
"Ma'm please stop," she tried, but Eilin ignored her.
Bilbo paled. "Eilin you are the one revealing what happened. No one knows! Can you please stop?!"
She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes tight. The feelings of frustration combined with the feelings of anger she had been keeping locked inside for so long were making her stomach tight. "I am bone tired of everything! Enough of hiding away and lying mister Bilbo! I will tell the truth about what happened. How my honour was slurred to the King and how he believed our enemies instead of me! I am not afraid of judgement anymore! I have my dignity! I know that the only reason this hasn't affected me yet is because I am buried in your house in the most peaceful place in Middle Earth. Had I been closer to a dwarven city, I would have been arrested for ultimate treason and stoned to death. Someone would have delivered the proper punishment towards an alleged whore that was infidel to the Mountain King, no matter that I never did such a thing!"
Gandalf frowned deeply. "What is this woman talking about? What in the name of the Iluvatar happened in Erebor during my absence?"
Bilbo exhaled. "You don't want to know even though this silly girl is telling everything to you anyway." He threw his hands in the air and turned to Eilin. "Can you please just stop this?"
Eilin rubbed her teary face and shook her head. "I am sorry mister Gandalf...I just cannot take this anymore. It's been strangulating me ever since it happened...I need to speak out loud or this will kill me!"
Gandalf observed her calmly. "You have a lot of emotions bottled up young lady. It is good that you released them for they can cause harm. Nevertheless I assure you that I have heard nothing of what you have just related to me and neither does anyone else. The songs about you speak of the bewitching red headed siren that stole the heart of the Mountain King and how he one day coldly send her away. How she's withering forlorn in some forgotten land in Middle Earth and how the King has simply faded away as his heart couldn't take her loss. No song is speaking about you being an infidel for heaven's sake." His eyes scrutinised her deeply.
She looked up sharply at that and held her breath. "What?" she whispered.
"Middle Earth is not aware what is going on inside the King's house and those who are aware of your separation don't know what you have related to me in the midst of your frustration. In fact no one knows that your separation from the Mountain King happened because of your questionable ethics. This is the first time I've heard of this and I know everything that is happening in Middle Earth."
She felt her knees unlocking and something unclasped inside violently. Something that made her instantly nauseous and dizzy. "No one speaks bad about me? No one knows what I supposedly did to him? No one from his kin?"
Gandalf shook his head. "I don't know if his very close friends know something, but nothing has been leaked."
Eilin paled and her bottom lip began trembling. She felt difficulty breathing. "I thought they were going to drag my already destroyed reputation to the gutter..."
"No." Gandalf replied quietly.
"Why, why...how?" she muttered feeling the world going out of focus. Something warm and sticky released from inside of her and began dripping down her thighs.
"I must deduct that the details of your separation are being protected by the very stones of Erebor young lady. Someone is making sure what happened is kept safe on pain of death. The world is singing about your beauty, your kindness, your brightness and your loyalty, not this dark betrayal. They are singing about the King who failed his beautiful One, not the other way around. They are singing of your merits and his follies." Gandalf raised his brow and Bilbo gave him a guarded look.
"You said they are singing about Thorin fading away...what does that mean?" she whispered and grasped her belly. A cold hand of terror wrapped around her already aching stomach.
Even the insinuation that Thorin had kept her supposed betrayal a secret in order to protect her broke her apart. All the anguish and agony that she had kept lethargic by sleeping all the time had suddenly found a way out and she was unable to stop them. She felt her whole body trembling like a leaf and reached out to steady herself on the back of mister Bilbo's chair.
"Fading away...hmmm," Gandalf pursed his lips.
Eilin's heart thudded in her ears and the world came out of focus for a moment.
"The King has abdicated and taken onto his shoulders all responsibility for every reason that led him to that hard decision, including all responsibility for your separation. Your ethics young lady remain intact and that comes from Erebor itself." Gandalf raised his brow, rather interested in seeing this woman's reaction to his words.
"What the hell did he do?!" Bilbo cried and bolted from his seat.
"No..." she felt her heart palpitating. He abdicated, because of her? He took all responsibility even though this has never been either his fault or hers? What has she done? Why did she leave him? What has he done? Why didn't he believe her? What have they done to each other? She felt the world closing down slowly.
"Ma'm what's wrong!?" Loa dropped her tray and all the china broke to pieces. She grabbed Eilin by the shoulders.
"I don't feel well..." she whispered and felt her eyes rolling to the back of her head.
"Sir! Do something!" Loa cried to Bilbo the moment she saw a small pool of blood under Eilin's legs. "The baby! She's losing the baby!"
Eilin didn't remember anything after that. She fainted right there in mister Bilbo's living room and was quickly carried onto her bed. Loa placed many towels under her and lifted up her dress and bloody petticoats. Preparing for what seemed like an inevitable miscarriage. Something that she had been expecting ever since they left Erebor. Miss Eilin was hanging by a thread all this time. Something gave her the merciless push over the edge tonight. "We need warm water. She is going to bring out the baby. I need to keep her clean and calm down her belly!" Loa said and checked on the blood flow.
Bilbo felt his eyes welling. "Do something for her Gandalf, for Eru's sake!" He pointed at the bed.
Gandalf's staff fell on Bilbo's shaking shoulder and the whole room became several tones darker. "Stand aside." When the grey wizard leaned above Eilin and touched her brow the darkness that had befallen the room slowly retreated.
After several moments were Gandalf's eyes burned Eilin's pallid face, her terror filled eyes flew open. Her hands grabbed the sheets and became tight fists of agony and her mouth opened up to release a feral cry that echoed through all the streets and rolling hills of the Shire and contained a single name.
"THORIN!"
With that cry of anguish several flocks of birds flew into the night and along with them Roac that up till then was perched outside Eilin's window.
Thorin stood at the piers and gazed at the calm waters that were reflecting the orange hue of the setting sun. He then turned slowly towards the beautiful young boy that stood across from him. He saw so much resemblance to him inside those young bright blue eyes and dark wavy hair.
Thorin shook his head. "Is this a dream?..."
The boy smiled. "It is."
"What are we doing out here?" Thorin looked around him.
"I brought you out here to say goodbye to you." The boy smiled.
"Goodbye? I just met you..." Thorin frowned.
"So did I, but you must depart soon and so must I..." He pointed at the ship behind him.
Thorin looked at it for a few moments. "Where am I going?"
"The undying lands..." the boy rejoined quietly.
"I am going to Valinor?" he whispered feeling confused.
"You are going where everyone who needs a respite goes. You've seen so much hell, so much death. You've been so burdened, you need to get relief. You need to rest. You've earned your place on that vessel." the boy said and pointed at the ship behind him.
"I don't think I want to go..." Thorin's brows wavered with indecision. "I'm leaving something behind. Something way too important."
"Don't you want to rest?" the boy asked.
Thorin's eyes fell closed and he exhaled a warm breath that sounded so clear in his ears. "Immensely."
"Don't you yearn to lay down unwearied and sleep?" the young spitting image of Thorin continued.
"You have no idea son..." he muttered and felt his eyes tearing up.
"Don't you long relief from all your wounds?" the boy smiled.
Thorin shook his head gently. "I long for it so much it hurts."
"Then enter that vessel and you shall find the repose you have earned." The dwarfling pointed behind him.
Thorin's eyes opened up and his lips parted slightly. "I want to go so much and yet I cannot leave. There is something still here for me...I know it."
"If you miss this vessel, where will you find rest?" the boy frowned.
"I don't know..." Thorin admitted.
"But it's here for you. Waiting for you...you must depart. As must I..." the handsome boy rebuked calmly.
"Where are you going?" Thorin took a step closer and kneeled down to boy's level.
"I don't know yet, but I think I might not get a chance to be reborn. I might have to go back to my dark grave and wait again until the time comes..." the boy's eyes became thoughtfully sad.
Thorin's hand cupped the dwarfling's soft cheek. "You are too young to speak about death...too unspoiled to enter any grave."
"But I must leave too..." the boy smiled and his small hand circled around Thorin's big one protectively.
"I shall not allow you to return into any darkness..." Thorin's parted lips whispered breathlessly and his eyes filled with tears.
The boy came over and nestled into Thorin's embrace and the abdicated King's heavy arms enfolded the dwarfling close to his heart. "You are missing...you are not even there. The ship to Valinor is waiting for you...we must say goodbye."
Thorin shook his head ardently and gave a pained kiss on the boy's cheek. "I won't let you go...I won't get into that ship...I won't rest..."
The boy's arms tightened around Thorin's sides. "You will challenge fate? You will come?"
Thorin's jawline flexed and his teeth gritted. "I will...if the Gods allow me I swear I will..." he spoke with a hushed tone.
The boy smiled widely. "Thank you."
"Will you remain too?" Thorin whispered.
"I will try," the boy rejoined quietly.
"What's your name?" Thorin asked.
The boy's voice was hushed. "Durin."
Thorin pulled back slightly and his lips parted. "Our forefather is buried son, waiting to raise again from the dead. Waiting to be reborn. We mustn't peruse his name."
The boy's lips curled up and his eyes shown with a wisdom that was beyond his years. "I am Durin. How can I use a different name, when this is the name you gifted me with?"
"I gave you this name?" Thorin replied confused.
The boy inclined his head. "Yes."
Thorin's arms tensed around Durin, securing him there. "Now that I found you, I am never letting you go." He promised.
"I know father," Durin replied with a voice of unexpected depth and Thorin felt the tremors of concern, but also of exhilaration running down his spine without truly making out who was the father and who was the heir at that moment. Every perception...every concept got finely twisted around that dream, leaving him mystified.
-.-
He inhaled sharply and stood up as if something invisible had pulled him by the arms. Still half dizzy from his heavy sleep he staggered and caught himself on a tree bark.
He grabbed his chest and pressed it firmly to make sure his heart was thudding as hard as he was hearing it in his ears. The pain..that pain had come straight from his loins hadn't it? Or was it just a dream? He had seen a dream he was certain, but the details eluded him. Actually he remembered absolutely nothing except from the hope it had rekindled in his heart. He was usually able to remember all his dreams clearly, or at least have a faint recollection of what they were about, but not this one. The more he was trying to remember, the further away the memories fled from him. It was as if he had them at the edge of his grasp, but they pulled away every time he reached out to touch them. Then...there was the faint feeling that what had awoken him was not this elusive dream, but a pain that came straight from his stomach and a scream that tore through the dimly lit passages of his mind like a sword on fire...
"Eilin?..." he whispered with a confused frown, still walking between the land of dreams and reality. It took him several moments to gather himself from that peculiar nightmare that he couldn't remember at all and the certainty that something was wrong with Eilin. He was left alone with a forlorn feeling hanging over his head like an axe of doom. When finally the residues of his dream began fading away he closed his eyes and tried to calm down his eradicated thoughts about Eilin. Was she alright? What was it that had woken him up so violently? Why did he wake up with the certainty that something had happened to her? He paced back and forth in front of the fire, trying to wipe away his perspiration as the fear about her well being was coming and going erratically.
It took him almost half the night to manage to sit by the fire once more. It took him even longer to feel his eyes shutting while they were gazing at the sharp outlines of the damned stronghold that haunted his dreams for so long. He glared it breathless for several moments before exhaling a trapped breath and closing his eyes again. The need to lay down in front of his fire and sleep till the morning was very strong, but he hadn't come out here tonight to sleep in the middle of nowhere.
When he left Erebor, he had already decided his final destination, but when he arrived something kept him from storming it straight away. As if a pair of invisible hands held him back from what was to be his last quest. He could have asked for the assistance of his kinsmen, many would have followed. He could have tried out the honesty of Thranduil's pledge and called the Elves for assistance.
He did neither.
He rendered unconscious the only person that came close to figuring out his plans and left the city as quickly as possible, knowing that the heavy snowfall was going to cover up his tracks instantly. Finding him would take time and few to none would think of looking at this old forsaken monument of darkness. Neither Elves or Dwarves approached Dol Guldur and for good reason.
Nevertheless Thorin needed one last chance to rectify his wrongs towards everyone. Like he revealed to Lis that day at the infirmary, he didn't want to die without using all his chances. After abdicating and trusting Erebor in the capable hands of his nephew, with the hope that Fili's impeccable ethics would finally unite the seven Dwarven Kingdoms, he set out to reclaim his original quest. To find his father or his remains. Back in the Blue Mountains when he first learned that his father had perished he had vowed to bring back his body for burial. The quest for Erebor and the subsequent adventures had put a stop into that noble idea. Now was the time to act on that old oath.
He remained there with his arms resting upon his knees almost enchanted by the outlines of Dol Guldur under the backdrop of a pale sky for what felt like eons of absolute stillness. It was by the break of dawn that an unexpected voice drew his attention. He inhaled sharply and looked above his shoulder at his visitor.
"Mountain King," Radagast was looking at him with mild interest.
"Tender of Beasts. Long time no see," he whispered and turned to the dying embers of his fire.
"Haven't seen you since I helped you escape these orcs close to Rivendell." Radagast got off his sled and approached the fire.
"Let me offer you a belated thank you." Thorin rejoined quietly.
Radagast took a sit next to Thorin with few groans of pain. "Never mind."
Thorin gave him a careful side look. "Settled down?"
"You don't mind do you?" Radagast winced.
"I don't remember inviting you," Thorin raised his brow.
"I got back pains. Too much humidity in the forest." Radagast warmed up his hands at the fire, totally ignoring Thorin's call for privacy.
"I'd rather prefer to keep my silence if you don't mind," Thorin repeated and turned his heavy gaze towards the dark stronghold.
"It's rather rude for you to send me away!" Radagast noticed.
Thorin raised his brow testily, but remained silent.
"Cannot expect a dwarf to reply with politeness I suppose...audacity is in your nature." Radagast continued unfazed by the darkness that was sipping out of Thorin's body.
"I am really not in the mood for petty conversation brown wizard. Gather your rabbits and be on your merry way." Thorin rejoined sternly.
Radagast looked at him intensely and made no move to stand up. "Does my presence bother you?"
"Your need to discuss about dwarven rudeness does," the firm comeback was delivered coldly.
Radagast settled down and pulled off his hat revealing the bird nest on his hair. "Very well, I shall try not to offend your kin anymore. Am I allowed to warm my weary bones before I go?"
Thorin raised his brow and looked at the chirping birds for a few moments quietly.
Radagast leaned back and exhaled in relief. "Ah, sometimes I still wonder why I have settled in Mirkwood. I don't seem to be welcomed by anyone in this forest. Nor by the Elves who think I am meddling with the animals too much, nor by the Dwarves who apparently hate my honesty, neither by the Northmen who believe I keep Mirkwood magically unapproachable to them."
"Which I am sure you are doing," Thorin pursed his lips.
"Well..." Radagast smirked.
"Why don't you resettle then if you feel unwelcome? No one is asking you to remain." Thorin rejoined not in any mood to get caught up in a conversation with any wizard at that moment, even though Radagast was not allowing him that luxury.
"This forest needs protection from the brutal ways of mankind and the roughness of the dwarves."
Thorin's eyes thinned on him.
"You cannot deny the brashness of your kin, King under the Mountain."
Thorin inhaled deeply and looked at the fire.
"Besides I prefer the company of the wild life. I don't like to live close to people much."
Thorin's lips twisted testily. "Cannot find much fault in that."
Radagast observed him closely for several moments before speaking. "I've always liked you, even though I never truly liked your kin."
Thorin humphed.
Radagast gazed at him with an abstract interest. "You communicate with the ravens. No one who commands such respect from these magnificent animals can be coarse or unrefined."
Thorin's mouth formed a half hearted smile. "Thank you for the camouflaged compliment."
Radagast observed him carefully. "So what is the Mountain King doing outside the Hill of Dark Sorcery?"
Thorin looked back at the stronghold. "I am not him anymore."
"Let me rephrase then. What is Thorin the Second doing outside this dark stronghold?" Radagast repeated calmly.
Thorin drew a deep breath. "I have unfinished business with its occupants."
"The ones hiding behind the dark veil?" Radagast raised his brows.
Thorin inclined his head.
"That is mighty brave of you Thorin the Second, but I only see you here. Where is your army?" Radagast looked around him.
"I have none." Thorin rejoined sternly.
A long pause came from Radagast. "So you came alone to face the Black Easterling and his forces?"
"Apparently."
"You are way too ambitious in your plans or trust way too much in your strength. No mortal is equal to the forces that hide behind these ruins." Radagast rebuked with raised brows.
"I know." Thorin frowned.
"This sounds more like a suicide mission, more than anything else."
Thorin remained silent.
Radagast sighed. "All bridges across were ruined by the Necromancer."
"I'll find a way in." Thorin frowned deeply.
Radagast remained silent for a long time and Thorin's focus became more determined by each moment that was passing by.
"I cannot understand why you would seek death, because that's the only thing you are going to find in there." Radagast cringed as his eyes fell on the ruined walls of Dol Guldur.
Thorin pushed himself up slowly and felt all his bones and muscles aching. Nevertheless he stood up straight and proud in front of the old Elven stronghold. "How can you understand myriads of thoughts that took such a long time and so many incidents in order to form, Bird-Tamer? You may be a Maia, but you have taken on the skin of mortals. That darkens the mind, doesn't it? Mortal faults take away part of your magic and part of your wisdom, correct?"
Radagast nodded. "More than I'd wish at times."
"Do you regret living inside a mortal skin?" Thorin looked at him thoughtfully.
"No, for I have found a higher purpose here, a deeper meaning. I was not send here to assist men in their battles, but to assist nature overcome these battles. The animals do not choose to get entangled in the fire of hate that burns through the hearts of Men, Elves and Dwarves. They don't want to get into the middle of your battles. Someone needs to protect them from all this darkness that is spreading upon Middle Earth." Radagast replied.
Thorin nodded and walked towards the bridge that he had camped in front off. "That's why I am going in there for. To find my purpose in this cursed life and finish it with the most honourable way. Like it should have finished up in RavenHill". He said quietly and looked at the large gap in front of him and at the silent unmoving darkness of the other side. A wave of apprehension sailed down his back, but he kept it at bay, like every other feeling taking hold of his heart this night.
"A noble cause, yet hopeless it seems." Radagast noticed.
"The old ways must come to an end brown wizard." -He mused at the blackness under him- "Maybe the fresh blood will respect your nature far more than we have."
Radagast pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Maybe the fresh blood will need the wise guidance of the old ways master Dwarf and you are denying it the opportunity to learn from the best."
"I am not wise." -Thorin shook his head and began unbuckling his forearm shields that fell defeated next to his boots- "and I am far from being the best."
Radagast stood up, but instead of approaching Thorin he went to his sled. "This is nothing more than another useless sacrifice for the dead. Don't you have someone living to sacrifice yourself for instead?"
Thorin unbuckled his sword sheaths and threw them to the ground. He felt his heart missing a beat and tears blurred his eyesight. "Not anymore I don't."
"That sounds disturbingly forlorn." Radagast rejoined.
The King nodded and got rid of both his coat and metal plated vest. The only things that could protect him. He remained only with his tunic and leaned down to pick up his swords. "It is." His hushed voice was meant only for his ears.
Radagast frowned deeply behind him.
After a long silence were Thorin kept looking at the crumbled bridge, the voice of the wizard broke his concentration one more time. "Your size is rather formidable for a Dwarf. Intimidating for me to be quite honest, but do you want me to toss you over? I'd give it a try..." Radagast cringed as he looked at Thorin's wide frame and rather tall stature.
Thorin looked back and raised his brow slowly.
Radagast shook his head disappointed. "Nope, that won't work for certain."
For the first time after his discussions with Lis Thorin felt the faint need to smile. His lips curled up into a ghostly try. "Thank you for the offer, but nobody tosses a dwarf* master wizard." He smiled. Then he backed up and before Radagast had a chance to reply he jumped the gap and landed easily on the other side. The moment he stood up the dark magic of the place swallowed him and he vanished from the wizard's eyes.
Radagast picked up his reins and addressed his nervous Rhosgobel rabbits. "Come on we don't have much time. We have to rush!" he cried and snapped the reins at them.
"Oakenshield, King Oakenshield..." the whisper came again from Rhiannon's dry lips and Lis stood up immediately. They were alone in the infirmary. Apparently something very serious had taken place in Erebor and everybody was in an almost panicked commotion. Even the medical man had run off, leaving little Lis alone with the unconscious woman she had found at the woods.
Lis dipped a cloth in some water and placed it at the woman's lips. "He's not here ma'm. No one knows where he is and the prince has now taken over the city. It's a mess. Thank Mahal mom has left. She's better in the Shire with mister Bilbo and poor miss Eilin."
Rhiannon's eyes cracked open and a skeletal hand grasped little Lis's hand. "Eilin? Eilin Firebeard?"
Lis frowned. "Yes ma'am. Do you know her?"
Rhiannon traced the bruised on her face that Karunn's thieves had left her as a present and felt her eyes overflowing with tears. "She's my best friend. My sister. When did she leave?"
Lis wiped away the dirt from the woman's face carefully. "She left for the Shire almost a month ago."
Rhiannon felt the trapped sobs releasing from her weak chest. "I need to talk to the King. It's important! It is a matter of life and death!"
Lis caressed her oily hair and turned around to dip the cloth into water again in order to hide the cringe that came to her face. "I told you ma'm. King's gone."
"I need to talk to the prince then! This had to do with Eilin!" Rhiannon's bony hand grasped Lis's small one.
"I don't think you are listening to me ma'm. Something serious happened in the city. No one is here but me!" Lis exhaled in annoyance.
Rhiannon felt her eyes closing down from exhaustion. "If I cannot speak to anyone else then I must speak to you before I fade away again. I feel weak."
"I am listening," Lis forced a smile.
"Lady Karunn. Have you ever heard of her?" Rhiannon clutched Lis's hand tightly.
Lis frowned. "Of course. She's lady Valdis' older sister. Lord Fain's oldest daughter. Iron Maiden from the Ironhills."
"She didn't lie about her identity, fool of a woman. She thought I'd die in the forest, conniving evil beast..." Rhiannon spat and began coughing again. She arched off the bed in pain.
Lis cringed. "Calm down ma'm and don't swear! Neither mom nor King Thorin want me to learn swear words!" She warned.
Rhiannon's hand squeezed her with far more strength Lis would have given her credit for. "Can you retell what I say to you to some grown up in this city? Someone with access to the prince?"
Lis flicked her shoulders. "I'll try."
"Karunn came to the Forsaken Inn. I gave her Eilin's baby belt and she promised to bring me back to Erebor with her. She paid men to kill me along the road. I got away. Someone has to inform the King and Eilin that this woman is conniving something against them! Please child...I don't know if I will live long enough to speak these words to anyone else. I was Eilin's best friend at the Forsaken Inn. Karunn tricked me. She's going to try and trick them too. You have to speak these words to someone...please." Rhiannon was panting from the effort.
Lis felt the blood draining from her face and began circling nervously around herself feeling at a loss. "Oh...shit! ...I cannot swear, but oh holy shit! Okay...wait, let's breathe...Can you stay alone for a moment?"
Rhiannon looked at her through blurry eyes and nodded weakly. "Yes, child. Go."
Lis gave her one last guarded look and dashed out at the corridors.
Servin's face was pale and he eyes were penetrating. He looked at Thorin's family and close friends and felt their distress deep into his heart. Hadn't the abdicated King's speech touched the deepest parts of his heart last night also perchance? He knew it was dishonourable of him to be hiding there, overhearing what was supposed to be a private conversation, but he needed to know. Thorin's speech on the love he had felt for his sister and for his fiancee had rattled his certainty about what was right in the world from the roots. When the meeting ended and Thorin left the room, all the Lords broke out in a heated argument about his abdication, but Servin remained calmly at the sidelines. Looking at everyone, but not seeing anyone apart from the face of his beloved sister and hearing only Thorin's honest words about his actions towards both Siv and Eilin.
The scroll of Thorin's abdication didn't get signed by anyone and it was thrown at the far end of the room by Durar just as Fili was renouncing the Raven Crown with as much fierceness as Thorin had. Servin sat down at one of the chairs overlooking at the Lords heated arguments until most of them decided to bail out with an air of total disarray and perturbation. When he was finally alone, he stood up and picked up both the scroll and the Raven Crown. He opened up the scroll and read meticulously the beautiful writing of the King that spoke of everything he told them face to face that evening. There was a quill right there next to the scroll. He could have been the first one to sign it...no...the second one to sign it, because the Thorin's signature was already on it. This was the chance he had been waiting for, from the first moment he arrived in Erebor. The moment to avenge the unfair death of his sister and the betrayal to her heart. If he placed the second signature on it, then maybe some would follow him soon after. Then Siv's spirit would lay to rest, finally clean of all the pain she has suffered from this man.
His chance was at the tip of that quill, yet he didn't pick it up. He rolled up the scroll and tied the red string around it with religious care. He placed it upright in the middle of the Raven Crown and closed the door behind him. After that he found it utterly useless to either go after the Lords and try to discuss with them, since his thoughts were way too personal and way too painful to share with anyone apart from the abdicated King himself. Also he was unable to return to his rooms and sleep easy after all this. Sleep wouldn't be his friend soon as it seemed. So he made his way back to the throne room in a dire need to see the Arkenstone and contemplate on his own course of actions only to be met by the grim gathering of Thorin's closest friends and family. He should have turned around and pretended deafness. He should have turned around and allowed them the privacy they deserved, but his heart began thudding erratically in his ears as he slowly hid into the shadows. He needed to see...he painfully needed to hear and he wanted to feel...he wanted to feel as hard and as strong as Thorin's solemn words allowed him to feel inside that meeting room after centuries of being numb. So his eyes fell on the participants and instead of playing deaf, he stretched out in order not to lose a single word from them.
Dis was holding a cold cloth upon Dwalin's bloody nape trying to soothe his pain. Apparently everybody in there was having a heated argument also.
"He abdicated? That's impossible! Thorin would have never done such a thing!" Dis cried.
"He gave an official manifesto mother to the delegations and passed me the damned Raven Crown!" Fili grumbled. "Which I won't accept!"
"An abdication no one signed yet!" Dain roared.
Balin humphed. "Are you sure no one signed yet? I thought that Servin would be the first one to sign and rather eagerly. He did everything in his power to stop the unison of the seven families under Thorin."
"I'd rattle that weasel's neck until he dropped dead if he ever dared put his signature in that accursed scroll!" Dain snapped with barely controlled wrath.
"Shouldn't we worry more that Thorin struck unconscious his best friend and now he's gone missing?!" Gloin threw his hands in the air.
"That's what happens when you screw up lives. Your life gets screwed up in turn!" Bofur crossed his arms.
Dis pointed at him. "Stop acting like a judge appointed from Vala Aule for in his name I shall cut your tongue if you speak again of my brother in this ill manner!"
"Princess calm down..." Balin tried.
"Keep this bloody toymaker away from me! My family is falling apart and that midget is caring only about his own personal agenda. Someone get him away from my sight before I do something I regret!" she bellowed and pressed the cloth on Dwalin.
"Gentler...for heaven's sake!" Dwalin hissed and cupped his forehead, trying to get a grip on the dizziness.
"Someone get him out of here!" Dis pointed at Bofur.
Dori grabbed Bofur by the forearm and dragged him away. "Come with me your overgrown dwarfling. People don't need your invaluable insight at this moment, they want your silence!"
"Someone has to address the common people. They are crowding the upper floors demanding answers. Fili you need to speak to them as King..." Balin said.
"I haven't accepted the King's abdication and there is no signature in that damned scroll yet!" Fili retorted heavily and pointed behind him at the meeting room. "I will not address anyone as the new King, get that out of your mind!"
"Address them as a temporary ruler then. Someone needs to calm the people down and Thorin isn't here. It's your job son," Balin said and wiped away several tears from his cheeks.
"What's gotten into Thorin? How could he have done such a thing?" Gloin rubbed his forehead feeling at a total loss.
"We all pushed him to it. Bit by bit. It took centuries to break him, but in the end we all managed it. Servin by his need to avenge his sister, the delegations by their need to have an impeccable ruler under the Arkenstone, his forefathers by their need to mould him as their exact replica, his people by asking him to choose them instead of his heart and last but not least us..." Dwalin's desolate voice spoke and everyone looked at him, except from Dis who was looking at the floor.
"Us?" Balin frowned.
Dwalin looked at him dead in the eyes. "Us brother. We should have stood by his side firmly, not question his every decision. You, me, Bofur, Gloin...everyone. We know what an honourable man he is, we knew he wouldn't fail us. What did you expect him on doing I wonder. Disgrace Eilin and seek to sit in that throne no matter what? That's not Thorin. The greatness of his heart wouldn't have allowed him to sit under the Arkenstone even if one person of his court questioned his decisions and it wasn't only one person that questioned them. Forget about the delegations. Even his closest companions failed him. Repeatedly..." Dwalin snarled at his brother.
Balin cupped his chest and closed his teary eyes, feeling the words of his brother piercing him straight in the heart. He held himself up by the arm of the throne he so much coveted for Thorin. A throne that was now empty. The sob that arose from his chest rattled Dis's already burdened emotional state.
She groaned and cupped her mouth. "If I lose him I will die."
Fili rushed over to embrace her. "Nothing is going to happen, mother please. Uncle is not a dwarfling, he's a legendary warrior. No harm shall befall on him, I promise."
"So where is he?!" she howled and it felt like a slap across the face for everyone, including Servin.
"We have to gather a company and send out search parties for him." Oin said solemnly.
"There are search parties already out there." Dwalin said and stood up. He wavered and caught himself on Dis's forearm.
"We need to get out there too!" -Gloin thundered- "What are we doing in here when our brother is possibly in danger?"
"He's right. Let's split up a group and go search for him." Bombur said with a decisive voice.
That is when little Lis pulled Bofur's tunic and tried to pass between him and Dori. "Sir, I need to talk to the prince!"
The pissed off dwarf looked down at the young girl and broke into a smile. "Not now kiddo. We're in the midst of hell. Go away and play. Go..." he shooed her off.
Lis pouted her lip and crossed her arms. "I am not going anywhere! I have important information to give to the prince and the princess! Let me pass!" she said and tried to go past Bofur that was kept at the rear guard by Dori.
"Listen to this cutie." Bofur pursed his lips and looked at a very solemn Dori.
"I am not a cutie! I am the King's apprentice!" her hands became tight fists and she looked angrily at the tall dwarves standing in her way. "Let me pass", she tried again.
Bofur pushed her. "Stand back kiddo. Enough games. We have serious issues here."
Lis humphed and cleared her throat. "I'll show you games mister!" she said and then she stepped on Bofur's boot so hard that the dwarf howled in pain and began hopscotching. She found that moment of confusion ample enough to squeeze through the two dwarves and she ran over the bridge towards Dis. "Ma'am! Ma'am! I've got important news!"
Dis looked up from her son's shoulder. "Lis?"
Lis came to them and grabbed Dis' arm out of breath. "Karunn, Karunn, Karunn, Karunn," she stuttered unable to spit out the words they needed to hear because of her anxiety to do it properly.
"Karunn?" Dain frowned and approached.
Lis shook her head at him and felt at a total loss on seeing this huge dwarf approaching her with an ill will.
Dis came between her cousin and Lis and placed her hand on Dain's broad chest. "Stand down cousin. What about Karunn Lis?"
Lis closed her eyes and inhaled deeply hoping she wouldn't stutter again. "Karunn was the one who found Eilin's baby belt!"
"What?!" the hoarse question came from Dis.
"What baby belt?" Dain looked totally confused.
"Ma'am the woman I found in the forest, remember? I came to tell you after I left her in the infirmary."
Dis grasped Lis's shoulders. "The one Thorin chastised you over, I remember. What about her my love?"
"She's Eilin's best friend. Rhiannon gave her miss Eilin's belt and lady Karunn tried to kill her! She said lady Karunn found her in the tavern miss Eilin was working in. The F-f-f-f..." Lis facepalmed by her inability to articulate.
"What the hell!?" Dain thundered and pushed past Dis easily. His eyes were burning with wrath. "The Forsaken Inn?!" he grumbled.
Dis embraced Lis protectively.
"Yes it was the Forsaken Inn." Lis said.
Dis felt all the colour draining from her face and Dain did too.
"Oh Mahal..." Dain whispered and took a step back feeling in dire need to take a seat anywhere. His knees had unlocked under him suddenly.
Dis looked up heavily first at Fili that looked bewildered and then at Balin who took several steps back and emptied himself in Thorin's throne close to faint. "Oh...no...what did I do?" Thorin's old advisor whispered.
Then her eyes fell on Dwalin who was trembling from a sudden rush of adrenaline. His eyes were spewing the very fires of Mount Doom.
"Find my brother, before it's too late." Dis stammered towards a petrified Dwalin.
A/N:
* a small easter egg and a tribute to LOR.
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