7.
I'm Not Sure What the Hell is Happening
As the thought of my father's killer still roaming the streets made me a little short of breath, I felt Edward reach towards my face again, and I automatically leaned into his sleeve covered hand for the support. His concerned gaze brought me back to the present, and I shuddered as I fought hard to push the memory into a dark corner of my mind and lock it away for future self-torture when my life got a little too comfortable.
I could freak out about that stuff later. I had more pressing things to freak out about now.
"Are you okay, Bella? Thought I lost you for a minute there," he said, tilting his head a little to the side. He looked slightly like a cute, confused puppy, and it made me smile.
"I'm okay. Just thinking about some stuff," I replied, pulling away from his hand again. Even though I hadn't felt any actual contact between his skin and my own, the way even the pressure of his hand against my face made me feel had me slightly unsettled. I wasn't used to feeling comfortable enough for any contact whatsoever with anyone, at least not anymore. It was definitely going to take some time for me to accept it. "What do you think about the vision not continuing, though?" I asked, afraid he'd ask me what I was thinking about. I truly wasn't ready to explain to him about my dad.
"I honestly don't know, Bella. I mean, haven't you ever maintained contact with anyone before? Does it usually play on a loop?" I thought about it for a minute, trying to come up with one situation where I hadn't immediately jerked back from contact to find out if anything different happened when it was maintained. I sadly came up lacking. Even when my father and I had spent time together, there was usually some type of barrier between his skin and mine, expect on occasions like the ice cream debacle.
"No," I replied. When he asked me to clarify which question I was answering, I sighed. "I always get freaked out and pull away immediately after the vision is over. So I don't know if it would play on a loop." He stared at me, his expression one of absolute incredulity.
"You mean you've never stayed in skin to skin contact with anyone –not even a parent- longer than it took you to have a vision? In your whole life?" I shook my head and looked down at my hands where they were fidgeting on my lap. Edward was silent for a minute, probably considering what I'd just told him. And thinking about it myself, it actually was very sad that I hadn't touched a single person's skin for more than a quick second in my whole seventeen years.
What a fucking life I live.
"So I have nothing to compare it to. Is it just with you that the vision only plays once, even through continuous contact, or would it be like that with everyone?" I wondered aloud. Edward didn't answer for a second, and I sighed again, aware that the time my mom usually got home from work was fast approaching and I really needed to get him out. "Ed-," I started, but he held up a finger and cut me off.
"Here's what I'm thinking," he started. "Maybe you only get a vision at the initial point of contact, like a neurotic shock to your brain that makes you see their death, and maintaining that contact assures that you won't see it again until you remove the initial point of contact and resume another one." I raised my eyebrow at him and tried not to smirk. It was sweet that he was trying to help me, but I couldn't help smiling at the way he tried to sound all intelligent about it. But then something he'd said caught up with me.
"Hey! I'm not neurotic!" I punched his shoulder when he started to laugh, and pouted playfully at him, crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm not." When he didn't agree nor disagree, I shrugged. "I guess it doesn't matter. There's no one I really care to touch at all, let alone long enough to see if the vision plays on a loop with continued contact." He frowned at me, and I rolled my eyes. "I already know it doesn't with you, Eddie. Calm down." His frown turned into a sneer, but his eyes were dancing with mirth.
"Don't call me Eddie! I hate that stupid name," he said, reaching out to tickle me. I gasped and tried to squirm away from him, but he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me against his body while his other hand kept assaulting my sides. I squealed with laughter until my shirt rode up and his hand slipped down just enough for our skin to touch again.
The vision played out, and again, it wasn't as bad as it had been before. I guessed that the desensitized theory was probably accurate at this point, and figured I better get used to it since there didn't seem to be any getting rid of Edward. That thought actually made me smile once the vision was over, and I made no move to push his hand off my waist.
Edward was no longer tickling me, thought he didn't back away either. He stared into my eyes as his fingers traced light patterns on the bare skin of my hip, raising goose bumps along my spine and down my arms. I shivered.
"Any replays of my death?" he asked, his voice slightly husky. I cleared my throat and shook my head.
"Just the one time when you first touched me," I replied. When he didn't say anything, I opened my mouth to reluctantly tell him that he should probably go, but before I could, he leaned forward and captured my lips with his again. I didn't fight it. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him pull me sideways onto his lap so my hip was pressed against his stomach. "Why can't I stop kissing you?" he asked a few moments later once he'd pulled away. While I worked to catch my breath, his lips trailed down my neck, and I shuddered when I felt his teeth scrape the skin where my neck met my shoulder.
"Because I'm an amazing kisser?" I answered teasingly. He laughed a little before moving his face to my ear.
"Damn straight." With that, he swung his face around and enthusiastically dove in to kiss me again . . .
Which is when I heard the front door open and the sound of my mother shouting my name.
I pulled away from Edward, my eyes so wide I was sure they were about to pop out. His expression matched mine, and if I wasn't so freaked out, I probably would have laughed at him while simultaneously being mortified that he would ever see an expression like that on my face.
"Isabella!" my mom called again. I jumped off Edward's lap and looked around my room for some way for him to escape, but I was on the second floor. There was no way he was jumping out the window, which meant there was no way he was getting out of here before my mom saw him.
"Brace yourself," I whispered. He nodded solemnly and followed me towards the door, but I skidded to a stop when I saw my reflection in the mirror.
My hair was an absolute mess, looking like it'd been turned into a nest for a large bird. My lips were slightly swollen from the force and quantity of Edward's kisses, and I saw the beginning of a bruise right where he'd scraped me with his teeth. I was just about to turn my head to bitch him out for giving me a hickey when I finally realized what I was wearing.
All I'd slept in last night was the shortest pair of shorts I own and a black tank top. No bra. And when I'd went downstairs, the only thing I'd put on was a blanket. So I'd just spent the last hour and a half with Edward . . .very visibly wearing no bra.
I turned wide eyes to him. "Why didn't you tell me I wasn't dressed for company when you got here earlier?!" I asked him. He smirked cockily and shrugged.
"I don't see a single thing wrong with what you're wearing." With an exasperated huff and a quick slap to the back of Edward's head, I searched the floor for a pair of sweats and a hoodie, making sure to hold my arm across the tops of the back of my thighs so my butt cheeks didn't pop out and give Edward a show. I could hear him snickering behind me as I snatched up a pair of bright green sweat pants and a neon orange hoodie. The combination was absolutely horrendous, but I didn't have time to look for anything different. So, I threw them on and marched Edward out of my room before my mom could lose her mind and try to come up and find me.
When we reached the kitchen, my mom had her back to us, washing something in the sink. So she didn't see Edward with me, meaning she had no prior warning to not act like the terrible bitch she was. "I called you three minutes ago, Isabella. What was so important upstairs that you didn't answer me immediately? It's not like you were doing homework, because you're irresponsible and decided not to go to school today, and I know you weren't talking to anyone. I know you don't have any real friends. This is exactly why I've made the decision to send you away. It's not like you're useful around here." I flinched, unable to meet Edward's eyes as he listened to every word my mother said. I could just barely see out of my peripheral that his jaw was hanging open, though.
"Uh, mom," I tried, but she cut me off.
"Don't interrupt me, Isabella!" she snapped. I rolled my eyes and stuffed my hands into my pockets. I wouldn't be able to get a word in until she was finished saying what she was going to say, so she wouldn't know Edward was there until she turned around. If I wasn't so completely humiliated to have Edward listening to my mom talk shit about me, I might have thought it was karma that someone else was listening to her bullshit and saw the way she really was. "I want you to fix that wall today. You know, the one you punched a hole in yesterday like an unstable little witch? I want it fixed by six. Phil is coming over for dinner, and you will sit with us and listen to what he has to say about the facility I'm having you sent to. And I want you to behave like an adult, not like a fucking child like you did yesterday. You completely embarrassed me in front of Phil, and you had no right to bring up your father like that. He's dead, Isabella. It's time you forget about him. I have."
She continued on, but I stopped listening, tears running unchecked down my face. It's time you forget about him. I have. I knew it. I knew she was trying to replace my dad with Phil, the Vice President of Asshats. I could tell from the moment I heard her say his name over the phone. And Phil was nothing like my dad. My dad had been kind and thoughtful, and never, ever would have made me feel unloved and unwanted just because of my power. He always told me how special he thought I was and that nothing would ever change the fact that I was his little girl. Phil was just a cocky douche bag trying to use his status as the new V.P. to get into my mom's pants.
And my mom was eating that shit right up.
As she kept talking about how irresponsible and ungrateful and useless I was, my mom finally turned off the sink and spun to look at me. But her eyes didn't even make it to my face before they locked on Edward and she finally stopped running her mouth. "Who are you?" she asked, her voice completely monotone.
"This is Edward, a friend from school. He came over to tell me about what I missed in Chemistry," I said, hating how I could hear the tears in my voice. I saw Edward's hand twitch towards me out of the corner of my eye, like he wanted to comfort me, but it dropped back to his side immediately. My chest tightened a little in disappointment. I could have really used the comfort as my heart felt like it was shattering. I wondered if this was the point that would make Edward flee. Maybe my mom was the last straw before he turned away from me and told me he never wanted to see me again.
"Her friend?" my mom repeated skeptically. Edward cleared his throat, and I figured he was about to say something along the lines of 'well, not anymore.'
"Yes, ma'am," he replied instead.
"How much is she paying you?" I stared at my mom in horror, disbelief, and a whole other slew of emotions I couldn't put names to. I could not believe she'd just asked him that.
"Paying me?" Edward asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Yeah," she continued on. "Paying you to pretend to be her friend?" I just barely saw Edward's jaw drop open again as she turned back to me. "Nice try, Isabella, but it's not going to work. I don't care how many people you convince to pretend to be your friend. I'm still sending you away, so you might as well pay him so you can get to work on that wall." That was the absolute last straw. My heart couldn't take anymore. I shut down, refusing to show any emotion, unwilling to let her know just how hurt and humiliated she'd made me. It wouldn't make her feel satisfied, and it wouldn't help me, so there was no point.
I turned to Edward, staring at his jaw since I was unable to meet his eyes. There was no way I wanted to see what he was feeling, and Edward had the most beautiful, expressive green eyes I'd ever seen. "Come on, Edward. I'll show you the door." He followed me without a word, and I could feel my heart breaking a little more as I prepared myself to say goodbye to the only friend I'd ever had, besides my dad. I pulled open the door and stared at my feet as he walked through it, but when I went to close it, he grabbed my wrist and yanked me outside, so the door slammed shut behind me. Before I could ask him what he was doing, his arms were around me, holding me tightly against his chest, and his face was buried in my hair. I could feel his entire body shaking against me. "Edward?" A little bit of concern crept into my voice, and I tried hard to push it back and shut down again.
"Oh my God, Bella. Oh my God." He just kept repeating it over and over, his breath blowing strands of hair across my forehead. I wished he'd just let me go so I could go inside and cry alone in my room like I wanted to –because there was no fucking way I was fixing the wall or having dinner with Phil and my mom-, but it didn't seem to me as if Edward had plans to let go anytime soon.
"Edward, you need to let go. I have to go inside," I whispered, trying desperately to mask the pain in my voice. I was wholly unsuccessful. Edward lifted his head off my shoulder and stared at me, his eyes wide.
"Are you kidding me? I'm not letting you go back in there." I furrowed my eyebrows at him in confusion. He wasn't going to let me go back in my house? I only had a few more days living there, and I had to pack before they shipped me off to wherever. It's not like I had any other choice.
"Edward, really. Just go." He shook his head but released me from his arms, and I felt their absence like I'd lost an important limb and I could no longer hold my weight up. I swayed.
"I'm not going anywhere unless you come with me. You don't deserve that bullshit, Bella. Come home with me. You can stay as long as you want." I'd been wrong before. This was the final straw. My poor little battered heart cracked wide open, and I collapsed, no longer able to hold back the gut wrenching sobs. Edward bent down to lift me up, saying my name over and over, but I crawled away from him, sticking my head over the edge of the stoop and puking my guts up into my mom's favorite rose bushes. My body arched and shuddered and twisted painfully with every heave, but still I couldn't stop. I was practically blinded by my tears, my nose was completely clogged with snot, and my mouth tasted awful once I finally stopped heaving, and I fell into a ball on the concrete, pulling my legs to my chest and burying my face in my knees.
And right there on the front doorstep, with Edward as my witness, I absolutely fell apart. I couldn't take it anymore. My father was dead. My mother didn't want me around. I had a terrible power that allowed me to see the ending of people's lives. Edward wasn't going to want to stick around for long. I had no friends. I no longer had a home. I had no future. There was no point. Not to anything.
I lost track of how long I sat on the stoop before I became aware of Edward's arms around me. He'd apparently pulled me into his lap at some point, and was holding me tightly against his chest, rocking gently and whispering to me. "Shh, Bella. It's okay, baby. You don't have to go back in there. You're coming home with me. My parents are going to love you. And Alice is going to absolutely adore you, I just know it. You don't have to go anywhere, Bella. You're staying with me. Please stop crying, baby." After a few more minutes, I was finally able to get myself under control, and I hid my disgusting face in the hood of my sweatshirt so Edward couldn't see what a mess I was.
"Baby?" I asked hoarsely. Edward stopped rocking and his arms tightened around me.
"Yeah. Deal with it. Now, come on. You're coming home with me."
Without waiting for my response, he stood up, lifting me into his arms bridal style, and carried me away from the nightmare that had been my life.
Hey, there . . .
So, I know it's been a year since I updated this story, and I am so sorry. Truly, I am. A lot has happened in my life this past year -too much- but I like to think I'm finally getting back into the swing of things. I'm sorry to anyone I've made angry or disappointed or upset over the long wait for this chapter. It wasn't intentional, I swear.
I hope you'll forgive me, and give me another chance to make it up to you. I'm going to try to stick to an updating schedule.
Thanks to all of you who are still with me after I've let you down all year. I appreciate it, and I'm sincerely sorry that I made you wait so long.