8.

Some Kind of Alternate Reality

I don't remember much about the walk to Edward's house. I was too exhausted to even think about walking on my own, so I wrapped my arms around his neck and burrowed closer to him, making sure I avoided any skin to skin contact whatsoever. I didn't even want to think about what would happen to me if I saw that vision again, desensitized or not.

Maybe that would be the thing to make me officially lose my mind.

The one thing I was fully aware of as he made the trek to wherever he lived with me in his arms was the steady beating of his heart under my ear. It was comforting for some reason I didn't even try to wrap my screwed up head around. I just pressed my face closer to his chest, listening to the rhythmic thump-thump thump-thump of his heart. I expected the sound to speed up as the distance between us and my house grew, but he barely seemed to register the fact that he was carrying an extra one hundred plus pounds in his arms. I occasionally wondered if he'd forgotten I was there, but knew he hadn't when he periodically tightened his hold around me or pressed his face into my hair.

After about five minutes of walking, the steady sound under my ear and the comforting sway of Edward's gait lulled me into sleep.

What felt like hours –but was probably only minutes- later, I woke up to Edward lifting me slightly, angling his head down to whisper in my ear.

"We're here, Bella. I need to put you down so I can unlock the door." I frowned but wiggled a bit, signaling that I was okay to stand on my own. When Edward set me on my feet, I swayed but stayed standing, stubbornly shaking off his hand when he reached out to steady me. He grinned. "There's my hard-headed girl," he said, and I rolled my eyes drowsily.

"Yeah, whatever. Can you just let me in so I can brush my teeth or something?" He grimaced sympathetically and reached into his pocket, pulling out a set of keys and inserting one into the lock. He swung the door open and gestured me inside, but I found myself rooted to the spot as I stared into his unfamiliar house.

What the hell was I doing? I'd known Edward all of three days, and I didn't really know anything about him. He knew about my power, about my pathetic lack of physical contact in my long seventeen years, and about my mommy issues. He knew that my single living parent hated me so much that she accused me of paying him to parade around in front of her as my friend, enough to send me away without a thought about how I felt. He'd just seen me fall apart at the seams, and throw my guts up into some pompous rose bushes. He got a mortifying look into my shitty life and his mind had to be running wild with opinions and judgments.

But I knew nothing about him. He hadn't told me why he moved to Forks or where he'd come from. He hadn't told me about his likes or dislikes, or about any strange quirks he had. He hadn't told me about his parents or his siblings or his home life. For all I knew, they could be crazy serial killers hell bent on kidnapping girls who wouldn't be missed just to fatten them up and use their skin to make lampshades. They could be victims in the witness protection program with some kind of mob chasing after them to make their skin into lampshades. There was no way for me to know, because we'd done nothing but talk about me.

"Bella?" His soft voice was enough to pull me out of the worst of my thoughts, but not enough to erase my uncertainty. I shook my head slightly, starting to back away, wondering if there was anywhere else he could take me. Maybe he could bring me to the park and we could hide away in one of the tunnel slides. I could just rinse my disgusting mouth out at a water fountain. Or we could go walking around the neighborhood like I had before. Anywhere that we could go back to being alone, just the two of us. "Baby, please . . ."

I shook my head again, ignoring the endearment for the moment. "Edward, I don't . . . I can't just . . ." I mumbled, stepping back farther. He squinted his eyes at me, baring his teeth a little as his arm flung out from his side so he could grab onto my wrist.

"Bella, you can. And you will. I'm not letting you go back to that house, not when there's something I can do to help. And you're exhausted. You need to sleep. Now, come inside, I'll grab you a spare toothbrush so you can clean out your mouth, and then I'm going to tuck you into the spare bedroom." I looked up into his eyes, pleading silently for him not to make me do it. I didn't have the energy to deal with anyone or anything else right now, and he was asking me to meet his family and act like my entire world hadn't fallen out from under me. He sighed and pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me. "My parents aren't home, Bella. My dad is at work at the hospital, and my mom is with Alice at her doctor's appointment. It's just the two of us here."

My entire body just sagged into his, my relief making my legs feel like jelly. My apprehension must have drained the small amount of energy I'd had left, because I couldn't find enough to make me push away from him when he assured me again that it was just us. Edward pressed another kiss to my hair before leaning down to scoop me back into his arms, and he carried me into his house. I kept my eyes on his jaw, refusing to look around or acknowledge the fact that I was in a strange place. I wouldn't focus on anything but him until I had the brain capacity to actually think again.

Without a word, he carried me into a bathroom and set me down so I was sitting on a counter, my feet dangling off the floor. He rummaged around for a moment in the cupboard next to the mirror behind me and pulled out a toothbrush, presenting it to me with a flourish. I tried to smile, but knew I hadn't managed it when he sighed. He unwrapped the toothbrush, ran it under hot water from the tap, put a line of toothpaste on the prickly bristles, and put it directly into my hand.

I was surprised I had the mental or physical capabilities to bring the brush to my mouth, but I persevered. When I was finished, he carried me across the hall and laid me gently on a comfy bed, pulling a dark blue comforter over me and tucking me in like a child. I was cozy and warm, feeling my eyes start to shut when I realized he was walking out the door.

I sat up like a shot, my eyes wide open and my heart absolutely slamming against my breastbone. "Edward! Please. Please don't go." He rushed back to my side, pushing my shoulders back down so I was reclined again and scooting me over so he had room to climb in beside me. Once he was comfortable, he pulled me close, pressing my head against his chest and wrapping his arms around me. He made hushing noises until my breathing slowed, and I felt the exhaustion trying to pull me under again. "Edwa-," I tried, but he cut me off.

"Sh, baby. Just sleep." I burrowed closer, again listening to the steady thumping of his heart.

"Stay," I whispered, and I was out before he could answer.

What felt like only minutes later, I woke up to the sound of voices, though the words were indistinct. My eyes flew wildly around the unfamiliar room as I tried to get my bearings. The walls were a soft white, lit by the gentle glow of a bedside lamp. There were lavender drapes hanging from the lone window across the room from the bed, and they fluttered in the breeze from a ceiling fan. The closet on the side of the room by the door was open and empty apart from a handful of hangers, and there was a mahogany chest of drawers pushed against the wall beside it. Two matching nightstands stood post on either side of the bed, one housing the lamp and the other holding nothing but a glass of water.

I was tucked snugly under a dark purple comforter, and when I turned slightly towards the voices I could smell Edward on the pillow beneath my head. Before I could think about it, I buried my face in it and inhaled deeply a few times, feeling the scent work through me to calm my racing heart. As I calmed down, the voices got louder as they approached the room, and my breath caught in my throat. I started to panic when I heard my name.

"...but Bella shouldn't. Mom, I can't even begin to explain it. It was terrible. She was so mean to her, and I don't understand why. She asked me if Bella had paid me to pretend to be her friend. Why would anyone say that about their own child?" That voice was definitely Edward, and I could feel myself wanting to relax again, but the thought of letting my guard down when there was clearly someone else in the house had my hands shaking.

"That poor baby," a soft feminine voice responded passionately. I burrowed further under the covers and shut my eyes as the footsteps got closer to the door. I wanted to hear what was said about me, so I could brace myself and be prepared when Edward's parents threw me out.

Why would they want me around when my own mother didn't?

"I can't send her back there. I know she's a minor, but her mom… She abuses her. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. I can't send her back. I won't." My eyes widened at the hard tone of his voice. How could he talk to his mother like that? Wouldn't she be angry and be just that much more likely to send me packing?

"Edward, calm down. We're not going to make her leave. She's welcome here as long as she needs. I'll talk to your father and we'll see what we can do legally. All right?" My whole body shuddered once, though I had no idea how to feel about what I'd just heard.

Edward's mom, who had never seen nor spoken directly to me, was willing to let me stay at her house, just because Edward wanted her to. For all she knew, what Edward saw was just an act, and I was here to rob them blind in the middle of the night. She didn't know if I was emotionally or mentally stable, if I would hurt her family. She knew nothing but what Edward told her, and how did she know he was even telling the truth? Is that what a mother/child relationship was supposed to be like? Blind faith that your child was telling the truth as they knew it and was only trying to do the right thing?

I didn't understand.

"Thanks, mom." Edward sounded relieved, like he'd had his doubts his mom would be so okay with it, but he didn't sound surprised that she trusted him -and me by default- so readily. My head was starting to hurt from all this confusion.

A light set of footsteps moved quickly away from the door, while a heavier one moved closer to me. I help my breath and a weight settled onto the bed next to me, slowly sliding closer until a body was pressed against the length of mine through the covers. I inhaled deeply again, and the more concentrated scent of Edward being so close to me had my muscles loosening and my heartbeat regulating immediately. I sighed quietly and turned my head to look at him. He was looking down the length of my body, his arm hovering in the air over my waist like he was debating draping it over me.

"Edward," I whispered, and his head snapped up, his eyes finding mine. I don't know what he saw in my face but his gaze softened and he settled his arm around me, pulling me against him.

"Hi, baby." I sighed again and turned to face him, wiggling closer so we pressed together from shoulder to knee. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that there was something wrong with how comfortable I was with Edward already, something unnatural in the way I felt completely safe when he was near. I hadn't been safe or comfortable in years, since the last time my dad had his arms around me. I knew there was a chance Edward could still hurt me. He could decide to walk away, to return me to my mother and tell me he never wanted to see me again. I knew that. But I couldn't bring myself to care in that moment.

I guess I had longed for comfort and familiarity with someone for so long that I was willing to face the consequences when it all fell apart in the end. I basked in it while I could.

"Baby, huh?" I asked, smiling drowsily. The burst of adrenaline that came with the panic from earlier left me tired again as it slowly drained from my system.

"Yeah," Edward replied, his voice husky. "Don't argue with me. I'll call you baby if I want." I snorted and shook my head, but decided not to push it. I would be lying if I said I didn't like it, just a little.

"So, your mom is home?" He nodded and looked at me sheepishly.

"And Alice. They're both very eager to meet you, but I told them you need to sleep and they can meet you tomorrow." I held back yet another sigh as I tried to keep my mind from imagining that meeting. We'd cross that bridge when we came to it.

"And I don't have to leave yet?"

"No, Bella. You're not leaving. You're stuck with me." I bit my lip to hide my smile at the thought of having to spend time with Edward, on top of not having to deal with my mom.

His eyes flicked down to my lip caught between my teeth, and his eyes darkened. He angled his head and moved towards me, and I knew his intentions. He wanted to kiss me again, and wow, did I want him to.

But I was vulnerable. I was fully at his mercy, as I had nowhere else to go. If I gave him the go ahead to kiss me, I knew that giving him my heart wouldn't be far behind. How could I not eventually love the one person who'd showed me any consistent kindness in years? Edward was such a wonderful person, and it would be so easy to fall for him.

But that meant getting hurt. It wasn't like I could live with him forever. My mom wouldn't allow it, even on the unlikely chance that his parents would. She was all about control, and just having me out of her house and out of her life wouldn't be good enough for her. She'd come looking for me and try to get me back so she could be in charge of sending me where she wanted. So I would have to leave Edward eventually.

That is, if he didn't decide I wasn't worth it and left me first.

When Edward's mouth was just an inch from my own, I threw up a mental wall and decided to try again to protect my heart. I had to try to push him away before he made the decision on his own.

"So do you want your money now or later?" I asked when his lips were just a breath away. He paused for a moment, unmoving, before he sighed and pulled back.

"Money?" He raised an eyebrow at me and I fought to maintain eye contact when all I wanted to do was look away. I didn't want to see the affection and concern in his eyes. Not when I knew that they could only ever be temporary.

"Yeah. I can't just live here for free, right? Besides, didn't I hire you to pretend to be my friend or something?" I was trying to be funny, but his eyes hardened and his lips pulled down into a frown.

"Don't do that. Don't treat what she said like a joke. It wasn't funny. And don't pretend it didn't hurt you. I saw the pain in your eyes, Bella. I can still see it. Don't hide from me." So much for that wall I tried to build. But I wasn't giving up.

I shrugged. "I'm used to her saying stupid shit by now. Not like it's anything new. And I hide from everyone. It what I do best. Why should you be any different?" His eyes darkened with hurt immediately, and I resisted the urge to apologize. I was telling the truth, after all, even though he already was different. But I couldn't let him become any more to me than he already was. He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. "I'm tired. I think I'm just going to go back to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

Though it was harder than I'd like to admit, I untangled myself from his arms and rolled so my back was to him. He didn't move for what felt like ages, but I eventually felt the bed move as he got up. I locked my muscles in place to hide the shaking his impending exit was causing. I didn't want him to go.

But he needed to.

"Okay. Goodnight, I guess." I heard his footsteps slowly moving away towards the door, and my eyes filled with tears as I felt the distance between us widen, both physically and emotionally. But when he reached the door, he stopped, and my breath audibly caught in my throat. I unintentionally let out a whimper, and in seconds he was back beside me in bed, his hand grabbing my arm. He turned me over so I was on my back with him hovering over me, and I felt a single tear track down my cheek.

Without a word, he swiftly leaned down and, before I could stop him, his lips captured mine. It didn't even occur to me to resist. The vision of our deaths played out behind my eyelids like always, but it seemed much shorter than usual. It actually only felt like a second later when it was just Edward and I in the present together again. Our mouths moved together heatedly, and when he brushed his tongue against the seam of my lips, I opened for him with a sigh. Our tongues warred for dominance, and it was nothing short of bliss when he won. My arms reached up and wrapped around his back, pulling him so he fell down over me. His weight settled on top of me, pinning me to the mattress, and I wasn't sure if it was me or him that let out a moan in response.

My entire body heated up until it felt like my blood was boiling in my veins. I almost felt like I wanted to pop out of my skin to be closer to him, anything to be closer. And I didn't understand that reaction. I'd never felt anything like it before, obviously, as I'd never even thought physical intimacy was a thing I'd ever have. My body wanted Edward in ways that my brain didn't comprehend, and, even while I was enthusiastically kissing Edward like I needed it more than air, I was getting confused. My brain and my body warred against each other, pulling me in different directions and overwhelming all of my senses.

And before I knew what was happening, I started to cry. Deep, shuddering sobs burst from my chest, my cheeks were immediately saturated in tears, and my heart went crazy against my breastbone.

It was all too much, and in the back of my mind I was wondering if I'd finally cracked.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!