Kaiser
Max Anders knew that one day he would die, probably in some glorious stand against a great enemy, one that would have his legacy immortalized in song. Maybe even a Viking funeral with a burning boat as his allies remembered how he'd taken down Lung in his final battle.
Right now, however, he hoped that he wouldn't die today, because he had no idea how you could write a glorious song around "trampled to death by angry housewives." For with the scream that the shipment had been stolen, everyone had realized that the only figures in the Mall were the display items. And with a guttural roar, the entire crowd charged, knocking Max flat on his stomach. Fortunately, he bet no camera could see what was happening, so he saved his life by armoring up. Deafened by the sound of dainty and not-so-dainty feet charging over his prone form, he growled in fury.
I hate Christmas. A legion of overweight mothers came closer than Lung ever has to murdering me.
Still… "Hookwolf!" Kaiser snarled into the tinkertech communicator. If he couldn't get the last action figures, then that meant his right hand attack dog would have to get them.
"Boss, I'm kinda—"
"Get the action figures!"
"I—the display copies are—"
"Then get the ones in the truck!"
"But-"
"Get the fucking action figures!"
Hookwolf
Brad looked around at the chaos that surrounded them. Here a mother held an action figure box under one arm, using her other to wail away with her purse. From the way it was smacking people around, he figured she had to have a brick in it. Someone dove off the second story into the absolute mob forming around the display cases screaming "Witness me!" On the other side of the room, a petite woman wearing a "Hugs are the Reason for the Season" was macing a security guard. The cheerful Christmas music made it all the weirder, especially since some of those ladies were fighting with a vicious focus that wouldn't have been out of place in one of his fighting pits.
And the boss had given him an order. "Sorry Kids, Santa has to go!" he said. What's the excuse… Oh, right. "And, um, feed the reindeer!"
"But—" Elf 1 started.
"You stay here and control the crowd," Elf 2, otherwise known as Vista said. "I'll escort Mr. Claus to safety!"
Shi-"that's not necessary—"
"Sure it is, I mean, what if you ran into say, some knives and cut yourself."
Brad groaned. "Fine, escort me away."
I really hope she doesn't have people ready to try and arrest me. Getting birdcaged due to a riot on Christmas…
Brad headed out back, fortunately free of the mob. He had a moment of uncanny and odd sympathy for the other elf, leaving the poor kid to deal with the mob. On the other hand, he'd probably be safer there.
"Okay, now—"
"If we lose the shipment, it will be a disaster," Vista said. "Piggot will keep me on console duty for the next fifty years. You know who I am, Hookwolf, so truce until we get the toys back?"
"I get one—no, two."
"You're into toys?"
Brad paused. That would hurt his rep, but what other—then he grinned. No, there was one way to really pay back the person who had put him in this idiotic position.
"Nah, Kaiser is really into action figures. I've caught him playing with them once or twice." Hooks started to emerge from his body and a few seconds later, a wolflike form, made of shining metal stood besides Vista, just in front of the door leading to the outside.
Oddly enough, it still had Santa's hat and beard on it.
"Well?" Brad asked. "Climb on and let's get those toys back."
Taylor
I was hanging on for dear life in the back of the truck. The idea had been great. We'd knocked out the security guards, grabbed the truck…
And off we went.
Things had been great.
Until fucking Hookwolf came exploding out from the loading dock, and he was being ridden by…
"Is that an elf?" Regent asked.
"Riding Hookwolf?" I asked, then hit the partition between us and the cab. "Drive! Drive, dammit, drive!"
Grue must have heard us because the truck rocketed forward, Regent and I nearly being buried by a pile of boxes. One hit me on the head and I looked up, only to see the stern face of Armsmaster.
Oh goodie. Even as an action figure, he was trying to make my life hell.
"Why is Hookwolf wearing a Santa Claus hat and beard?" Regent asked, sounding befuddled.
"I. Don't. Know." I gritted out. We were moving too fast for my swarm to go after Hookwolf and it probably wouldn't work anyway.
"Regent?"
"Yeah?"
"Remind me to punch Tattletale the next time she says a job is going to be easy."
"Only if I can record it."
And then we were both hanging on for dear life as Grue took a turn, trying to keep us from dying at the Christmas-themed hands of a Nazi.