Brad had been attacked by everything. Guns, grenades, tinkertech lasers…

Okay, scrap that. He'd never been attacked by a collectible Legend action figure.

"The fuck?!"

"They're throwing the figures at us!" Vista shouted.

"No shit!" A 120.99 (retail) Myriddian figure missed him, shattered into a million pieces on the road.

"No!" Vista howled. "If we lose the figures…" She looked over to the side of the road where a janitor was standing, mouth agape, holding a heavy duty trash bag he was about to put into a city trash can. "Detour, detour! Right! Right!"

"What?" But Brad detoured. Shit, she really has the angry voice down.

Vista grabbed the bag out of the janitor's shocked fingers, and then they were chasing the truck again. She saw more boxes sailing towards her, and then reached out with her power, doing more than she had ever before, not simply decreasing the distance, but increasing the size of the bag as box after box sailed into it.

"Vista's pulling the boxes in!" I shouted.

"Or maybe she has Santa's bag?" Regent asked.

"Throw more! Throw more!" I yelled at him. The only way we were going to be able to survive was to slow up Hookwolf and Vista.

"No! No! That's our haul!" Tattletale shrieked, sounding like she was coming really unglued. The truck started swerving from side, to side, as Grue tried to get better traction.

"Fuck that!" Grue shouted, his voice loud through the partition window. "Throw as many as you can!"

I did, ignoring Tattletale's screams. We had to stop them. Either that or my Christmas Present was doing to be death by Hookwolf.

But no matter how many we tumbled out, Vista's bag seemed to be sucking them all in, the twisting geometry of her power hurting my eyes.

"Grue!" I shouted. "Take Fifth! I'll block the side streets with my bugs!" I could reach in front of us, forming bug 'stop' signs along the other roads.

"Got it!" Grue shouted. "But we'd better have a plan by the time we get to the water front!

"We will! We just have to figure—" Suddenly, a loud horn sounded. A really loud horn. And just behind Vista and Hookwolf, the side of an abandoned factory exploded open, and the bastard offspring of a tank and monster truck appeared. From it roared a really angry voice.

"I ORDERED ONE OF THOSE FUCKING DOLLS FOR SKIDDIE! THEY'RE MINE!"

Squealer. Fuck.

"You know," Regent said, not pausing in his firing of action figures at Hookwolf. "I think we may be the only criminals in town who didn't actually stand in line for these toys. You think they know something we don't?"

On the side of the road, Father Wilson was happy. Christmas eve was coming. And Generally he didn't have to have any serious sermons on that night. Just nice, happy sermons to put the kids—"CHRIST AND ALL HIS ANGELS!" He shouted as a truck sped by, two capes throwing boxes out of it. Then Hookwolf came tearing down the street, wearing… A Santa hat and beard, while an elf was on his back!? THEN, just as he was processing that, some Tinkertech car with too many guns and a blond screaming obscenities from her hatch on top came tearing by.

"What th…"

"Mommy, look! Santa Claus and the Nazi's are saving Christmas!"

Fuck. Me. He took his nice, normal sermon out of his pocket and started to tear it up. Why couldn't Brockton Bay be…

Normal? In any way shape or form?