A/N: Here you go! This chapter might have a slow start, but I guarantee this is the last one! I hope it's not too messy since I finished this at 2 AM x'D I also hope the pacing is fine.
(note: I did change a thing in the last chapter since someone pointed it out - I had written that Lars hasn't seen a gem poofing, but then I remembered he did see the two Zircons poofing at the Trial. Sorry about forgetting that detail! Not that it's not a huge plot point yet, but anyway)
Food was a peculiar, yet such valuable creation of the Earth's nature. Bismuth admired the way the many ingredients and toppings of the pizza meal - the yellow layer, the red discs, the other red liquid -, together, composed a wonderful invention.
As Greg had told her about more variations of food, she could not wait to try them out. If they were as delicious as pizza, then she would be glad to eat them as well!
It was a shame, though, that Lars couldn't find himself comfortable eating. Although she didn't feel hunger like humans did, she assumed he must miss that sensation, given he had been a normal human being before. She wondered what could have happened for him to undergo such radical transformation of his body. Greg had told her the captain had been injured, but had it been this grave?
Bismuth was aware of Rose's healing powers, having witnessed her using on other gems, yet not leading to drastic changes. She didn't know whether it was because Lars was organic, but even then...
Regardless, Bismuth didn't mean to disrespect his privacy, since he had looked uneasy when she had questioned. She wouldn't insist if it was a personal, bothersome topic.
The gem watched Lars and Greg discussing something she hadn't been paying much attention to, but she assumed it was related to their town - possibly news, as Lars had been away for so long. Bismuth was delighted by the pizza slice she took bites from, while trying to keep it away from the small cat that was allured by it. Greg had warned her not to feed the feline with human food, so she gave it a scolding look, while maintaining a soft, patient tone to her voice.
"No, no, lil' buddy," Bismuth told it, its paws trying to reach the pizza in her right hand. "You're not allowed to consume it!"
The cat was insistent, not giving up for a long time. The blacksmith tried to gently push it away, only for the animal to attempt to climb her to reach its goal. It was then that Bismuth ate the entire piece at once, thus disappointing the cat. She shrugged in response, leading the feline to make its way to the floor again. Luckily, the rest of the pizza had been consumed, so the cat wouldn't try to get on the table and steal anything from the box.
After this, Bismuth had her attention back at the two humans, who shared a small, but genuine laugh. She smiled at them fondly, happy to have their company. Greg was an easygoing man, willing to teach her the many wonders of the Earth whenever they were free from the hard work they had to get done. Lars, while prone to becoming emotionally unstable, was a strong-willed, stubborn and caring captain. Although he did show to be more... pessimistic out of the trio, she admired his reasonings and plans for a possible conflict. No wonder he was the captain, after all.
Not meaning to depreciate him, but Bismuth was impressed that a human, that appeared to be in an early stage of life ("young", as Greg would define), was able to escape another planet, that had become incredibly advanced, with some of the most dangerous weaponry and oppressive systems in the universe. She could tell how much of a fast learner Lars was and could only imagine his performance at a real battle. She was willing to learn more from him, while maybe teaching him and the Off Colors some techniques of her own in more physical battles, as she assumed the space pirates had mostly faced indirect conflicts.
Her thoughts were then interrupted by the noise of the blue-eyed cat, which had walked all the way to Lars and climbed the couch. The pink human smiled at it and caressed its head; only for the small pet to lie on his lap, causing his cheeks to turn a darker shade of pink. His smile grew bigger and he allowed the contact. The cat seemed to enjoy it very much.
Soon after, the pumpkin arrived and demanded attention as well, which surprised Lars, but not scaring him like the last time. Instead, the captain laughed and rubbed its belly. He was... very affectionate - when he allowed himself to be.
"You like pets, Lars?" Greg asked, also taking notice of the two small beings wanting his attention.
"Oh? Oh, uh, yeah. I actually used to own a cat, but it died a couple of years ago... I didn't really consider getting another one after that."
The look on his face revealed hidden sorrow. Bismuth glanced at him with condolence, remembering that those adorable animals (she wasn't sure about pumpkin, though) would grow old and eventually...
Well, she would look after them for as long as she needed, no matter what happened.
Suddenly, the trio - and Pumpkin and the cat - heard Lion come down the stairs. It looked straight at Lars, who had a puzzled look on his face. Then, it shifted into one of perception, followed by apprehension. Bismuth blinked at the realization of the two sharing the same color schemes: bright pink hair (or mane), pink skin... if that was the case, then what Lars had gone through must be similar to what had happened to Lion.
In any case, the pink feline proceeded to smell Lars, who was not sure what to do about it... when Lion lied by his feet, its head touching them.
"Aww," Bismuth reacted, finding the sight of Lars and the pets quite entertaining and lovable. "They sure like you, cap."
The space pirate laughed. "Probably because I'm a giant cotton candy."
The gem laughed along, only for it to die out and lead her to ask Greg, "... what is cotton candy?"
"It's uh... like it says in the name, it's some sort of candy - which is food, too, but it's sweet instead," He explained. "It's made of sugar and looks like a cloud. It can also be found in many colors."
"Like a cloud?" Bismuth repeated, surprised. She thought about the cloud forms, that were all unique and beautiful; so, having food resemble them was... incredible. "How is that possible?"
"Well, I don't really know how to explain it. It's like, you put the sugar thing that you prepared on some sort of spinning machine, and... that's it, I guess. There must be more to how it's done, but..."
"Wow. The machines I knew never served for anything other than to conquer other planets. How interesting!"
"Yeah, and there are a lot more of machines that can be used to make food, too! Like popcorn, waffles, even ice cream..."
"You guys sure love making stuff, huh," She commented. "And some real good stuff, too! I really admire how you put so much hard work to that process, how you use the right ingredients for each kind of food and use specific machines... it's amazing! Steven taught me how to manufacture pizza once, and I loved it!"
Lars was the one to comment on that, his voice showing interest and... surprise?
"Oh... yeah?" He asked.
"Yeah! Not only do I want to try more food types, but also the development behind the production! It's such a thoughtful method and you get pretty impressive results - just like making weapons!"
During her excited words, she came to realize that Lars appeared to be awestruck. She raised an eyebrow, leading him to look away almost immediately. His left hand rubbed the back of his neck while the right one massaged the cat's multicolored fur.
"Hey, what's up, cap?" Bismuth questioned.
"Nothing! Nothing, really, it's just, uh-" Lars cleared his throat. "It's nice to hear how captivated you are by gastronomy - that is, food and all."
"Oh. Glad to hear that." She smiled.
"Ah, the thing is..." The captain faced her again. "I, uh... have some knowledge on that stuff, and-"
Bismuth gasped. "You know how to make food?!" She let out, much louder than she had intended it to be; causing Lars and Greg to jump in surprise. Fortunately, the cat didn't run away in fear from the former's lap.
"I-I do! Yeah, I do," Lars laughed nervously. "And, uh, that's called cooking, by the way."
"Cooking...?"
"Really? That's great, Lars!" Greg exclaimed. "I didn't know you could cook!"
"Heh, yeah..." Lars' cheeks turned dark again.
"I'm sure you must be great at it, then!" She grinned, as she had learnt to admire him. If he really was as competent as she believed him to be, then she could imagine how talented he was!
"I... g-guess you could say that?" He looked away.
Bismuth's eyes widened in realization. "Wait – did you work at a restaurant before?"
Lars shut his mouth as he became thoughtful but dismissed it with an anxious smile.
"No, no. Well, I did use to work at this place called Big Donut – I don't know if you've seen it, it's pretty close to the house. It's where they sell these, uh, donuts, which are food, too; but we didn't make them there, y'know? Especially because of some spooky accident that had happened long before I worked there... yeah."
"Hmm," Bismuth nodded. "But have people tried your food before?"
"Oh, uh… n-no. Only like, Steven and… another friend of mine."
For a moment, Bismuth could spot his enthusiasm decreasing. She wondered if the experience the captain described had not ended too well for that to happen.
"And... did they enjoy it?" She wondered, "Or not?"
"Ah, they... t-they did. But I never really went forward with cooking for others, because..."
She realized Lars began to shrink, and the confidence and joy in his voice was quickly being replaced into quiet uneasiness. The cat on his lap even gazed at him with its blue eye, somehow in concern.
Yet, rather than revealing it, the captain shook his head.
"Nevermind," He said. "It doesn't really matter."
"You sure?" Bismuth questioned.
"Yeah," Lars tried to assure her with a smile, but it wasn't genuine. It seemed... weak.
"Well, alright..."
Again, Bismuth wouldn't insist on it; especially as she and Lars had just met, so she wouldn't require such level of intimacy. Though it appeared that the pink human would struggle with some issues that certainly bothered him, and she did hope he didn't hide them often to the point of becoming so unstable, like how it had happened earlier.
Lars gulped as he caught her analyzing him and proceeded to caress the cat while staring at the floor. The pumpkin had been trying to draw his attention joyfully, but its energy began to be lost. The vegetable must have taken notice of how quiet the captain became in a short amount of time; that sign was not ignored by Lars, however.
"Oh, jeez, I'm sorry," He said, letting out a forced laugh. "I keep ruining the mood, huh?"
Greg and Bismuth glanced at one another with concerned looks.
"It's okay, buddy," The adult said. "You shouldn't feel bad for feeling down."
"No, it's… forget about it. It's nothing much."
"Sorry, cap, but… it doesn't seem like it," Bismuth noted.
"I'm telling you, it's fine. Besides, I don't feel like you guys deserve to keep bearing with an emotive teenager after doing a lot of hard work, right?"
"Look, you don't have to tell us, but… don't feel like you're a burden, Lars," Greg told him. "You can open up to us anytime you want, alright?"
Lars seemed to be considerate of the offer but, stubborn as he was, he still denied.
"I appreciate it but… I really don't want to talk about it."
Greg nodded in understanding, Bismuth imitating the gesture.
"Alright," The long-haired man said, finally.
Lars didn't say anything else. The pets were still close to him yet appeared to have snuggled closer against him after his joy faded. Bismuth liked how the pets were loyal and comforting, without even forming a dialogue that humans could understand.
Bismuth's eyes laid on the pizza box once more. She ended up saying something after minutes of silence.
"Wow, this was a really good pizza," She stated. "We should repeat this tradition more often!"
"Oh, agreed," Greg added. "We could get your friends to eat next time, right, Lars?"
The captain simply hummed in response. Bismuth frowned again, but remained silent, with Greg following the same response to Lars' behavior.
The silence that came afterwards was interrupted by Greg's yawn. Only then did Bismuth remember how tired he was, with good reason, though. He and the gem had been the only ones to deal with the hard work left by the Crystal Gems, to look after the town and the planet itself.
"Yo, Greg, you should really get some rest," Bismuth observed. "You've been working too much for a human body to handle."
"Well, I'm not arguing with that…"
"I should probably head to my forge real quick, too, since I've been trying to make a new weapon to replace Rose's sword. At least that giant pink cat is a good caretaker," Bismuth snickered at Lion, which didn't leave the sacred spot beneath Lars' feet. "So it can watch Lapis and Peridot for a while."
"Wait, are you guys going to leave already?" Lars asked as soon as Bismuth stood up, at a speed she hadn't expected.
"Well, it is getting darker outside and Greg's exhausted," She replied, confused. "Why? Something to matter?"
The captain glanced at the door with an anxious look, then proceeding to face the wooden floor.
"I don't…" His voice was so quiet, it was almost a whisper. "… really have a place to go."
"What? Oh."
Bismuth didn't take long to remember that he and the Off Colors had had a serious argument. She didn't know if it had been that long since then but given the gravity of the situation they were all in, she acknowledged that Lars wanted to give them privacy. Yet…
"Hmm, my van is kind of a huge mess, so I wouldn't really… invite you there," Greg laughed, awkward. "But you wouldn't be alone here, either! Steven's bed is big enough, you have Lion, Pumpkin- "
"Hold on," Bismuth interrupted. "If I remember correctly, you- you do have a family, right, Lars? Why won't you meet up with them instead-?"
She shut her mouth as soon as she observed Lars' gradual reaction. The following silence was somehow worse than the previous. The captain turned his head to another direction, avoiding her look.
"What is it?" Bismuth asked, not understanding the hesitation and thus concluding something else. "Is your family not welcoming?"
"No! Or… I…" Lars didn't look certain and revealed a crippling fear. "It's just… t-they don't know I'm pink. I-I don't know how they're going to react and- I don't feel so good to go home just yet."
She would have questioned more, but once she gazed at Greg, she realized that the brown-haired human had an empathetic look on his face rather than a confused one.
"He has a lot in his mind," Greg cleared Lars' words to her. "Maybe it's best if he takes some time to think through everything, y'know? Especially with his friends fighting…"
Bismuth looked at Lars with sadness, unable to imagine all the feelings he must have at that moment, having been under pressure. She may not be in his situation to believe that not going home would be helpful – as she believed in the opposite -, but she wasn't going to judge. And, if Greg said so, then she wouldn't doubt it.
Lars was hesitant to look at either of them. The blue-eyed cat made a curious noise. Lion opened its eyes to take a better look at him and the pumpkin was silent – which was rare, according to Bismuth's short-lived stay at the beach house.
"Well, alright, then. You can stay over if you need to," She told the pink human. "You've really been through a lot and you deserve rest, too."
"It's not going to be a problem to you?" Lars wondered.
"No way! You're always welcome here," Greg assured him.
Lars looked at the floor again and nodded but didn't appear to be much better. Just… slightly relieved. Other than that, there was no visible joy there, from what she could analyze.
"Thanks," He said, his voice tone still low.
"It's no problem," Bismuth couldn't bring herself to smile, even if she tried.
"I'll get the bed ready. Lion has taken over it in the past days, so it's definitely a mess," Greg tried to joke, but received no laughs nor anything else from either of them. He rushed upstairs afterwards.
Bismuth and Lars were the only ones left at the couch, apart from the pets. Lion stood up and sat, not bearing a pleased look; as if it had heard it wouldn't be sleeping on the bed that night. Lars sighed and stood up as well, placing the cat on where he had sat. The small feline and Pumpkin gazed at him with worry, like Bismuth did at that moment.
"Alright, it's ready! It's all yours for the night," Greg said not too long later, with a grin on his face.
"Thanks, Mister Universe," Lars replied.
"Yeah, no problem. Oh!" Greg looked at the table near them and went over there to grab the empty pizza box. "I gotta take this to the trash outside. I guess I'll head to my van after that, so, uh, good night, you two!"
"Good night, Greg! Thanks for the pizza night!" Bismuth smiled.
"Again, you can go to my van if you need anything; it's right next to the Big Donut."
Lars only waved in response, with Greg heading outside with the box in his hands. The house was silent again, the pet noises no longer heard.
"So, you're… gonna go to your… forge?" The captain asked her.
"Yes, but it'll be quick."
"Hm, I could… watch over these two while you're gone," Lars pointed at Lapis and Peridot on the table. "I think Lion wants to take a nap."
Soon after he said that, Lion occupied the couch, the small cat jumping to the floor.
"Oh, that would be great, thanks," Bismuth said.
"Yeah, it's no big deal."
His eyes focused on another, distant direction. He crossed his arms, as if he tried to contain his uneasiness. Bismuth put her hands on the edges of her waist and let out a deep sigh.
"Look, cap, I know I've said this before, but… I'm sorry," She told him, drawing his attention back. "About Rose, about your friends and… whatever happened to you."
"You don't have to be sorry. None of that is your fault."
"I know, but, as we said, what's going on isn't something easy to come to terms with – and sometimes I forget that myself. I then remember that Rose was Pink Diamond and how much harm she caused because of her lies… I hate seeing that affecting you and your friends, too."
Lars sighed as well. "Yeah… I know we'll do what we can here on Earth while Steven handles the whole thing, but… I admit that I kinda wish I could be there to help him with anything."
Bismuth hummed. "Besides, you've got a lot to deal with, too. I'm sure whatever caused you to become pink must've been bad. Especially if you're afraid to see your family."
He appeared to be more nervous at those last words.
"I'm really not going to bother you by staying here, right?" Lars asked. "I'm feeling bad for making you guys put up with me like this…"
"Don't feel like that! You're Steven's friend and you're a good person. I don't mind some company, either. I can't even talk to these fellas here, even though I try," She snorts, looking at Lion.
Despite her reassurances, he still didn't appear to be secure.
"It's just…" He began. "I-I'm feeling dumb staying here in the first place when my home isn't even that far. But I really… can't bring myself to go there, either. It's complicated."
"You're afraid of what others will think of your appearance?" Bismuth wondered. "But why is that? I saw you… talking to that group of young humans when you arrived. I think I remember them waving and smiling at you before we headed to the porch to talk about Rose. If they already knew you, then I don't think they minded you looking like that."
"I-It's different, though. Besides, the Cool Kids don't even know what happened to me. I don't think I can explain to them."
"But maybe they'll understand? I know it can be hard explaining that your body changed, but… if they're understanding, then I'm sure they'll do what's possible to support you, right?"
For a moment, Lars looked thoughtful of what she told him. Yet, it seemed as though the fear he had was prominent.
"I- I don't know," He gulped. "I r-really don't know. I'm- I'm scared of how they'll react upon seeing me like this. Or seeing me at all."
"What do you mean?"
Bismuth knew she was being too curious and mentally told herself to respect his boundaries; but curiosity got the best of her. However, Lars appeared to be a lot more in conflict than before. He was frowning, but he didn't seem to be angered at her.
"It's… no, I- ugh," He groaned, turning his back to her. "Maybe I should just leave. You don't wanna listen to all my problems."
Lars actually began to walk away, but Bismuth stepped forward.
"Hey, c'mon!" She protested. "I don't mind, seriously! But you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Besides, Greg even prepared you the bed."
Lars only stood there in silence. She wanted to guide him to the bed upstairs but tried not to force him.
"I mean it, it's okay," She reassured. "You don't have to push others away like this, y'know? It's not a healthy thing to do."
It somehow made him stiffer. She hoped she hadn't upset him more. Before she could apologize again, she heard him… laugh. Laugh miserably. Once it died out, he grew silent for an uncomfortable amount of time.
"… I guess I really didn't change, huh," He murmured, but she was able to hear it.
She was about to ask him, but he continued speaking; yet he didn't appear to be talking to her.
"Even after I freaking died and got myself into this whole crap to get back home, I'm- I'm a huge coward."
The first words replayed in her mind.
"Hold on – what do you mean you died?"
Lars almost jumped at her words. Maybe he had said it without even realizing, given how his eyes barely met hers.
"Shoot," He cursed under his breath.
"Lars," She called him, even noting a shiver coming out of him. "Is… that why you became pink?"
Death was such a natural thing to humans, inevitable as it was. But sometimes it occurred in other ways, unfairly. Bismuth had seen humans die at the Gem War, murdered by the monstrous Homeworld weapons thousands of years before. Some had not even fought, being mere civilians that had had nothing to do with it. She recorded the Crystal Gems' distress and grief towards the many destroyed villages throughout the conflict. Humans had been nothing to Homeworld but meaningless obstacles; and, sadly, that had never changed.
Lars had been abducted to Homeworld, if memory served her correct. He ended up being another victim of them. Another victim of a conflict he needn't have been involved in.
The captain's hand aimed for the scar in his right eye. His body was shaking.
"Wow, I'm… I'm really sorry," Bismuth said, seeing as though Lars wouldn't say anything. His look, however, implied the answer itself.
"Crazy, right?" Lars snickered, his look tragic. "Weren't it for Steven, I wouldn't even be here. Sometimes I think about it, and…"
He leaned his back on the wall beside him, turning his back to the door. He stared at the poofed gems on the table. His body was trembling so much, something inside Bismuth ached, somehow. She even gave a fast glance at Lion, realizing it must have… died before, for him to look pink; as it was also organic.
"But even after getting another chance, I'm here… scared of what are others going to think upon seeing me, after… after I've made so many mistakes."
The captain didn't appear to mind her approaching him more, as he was immersed in his internal conflicts.
"I… I was terrible to everyone I knew," He continued. "when they were always there for me. My parents, Steven… Sadie… they were always trying to get me to reveal myself, but I… never could. And I guess I still am.
"That's sorta the reason why nobody's ever tried my food, for that matter," He glanced at her, reminding of the discussion about cooking they had had. "I… did try to cook something for a party thing but… I ran away before I could even show up."
"Oh, cap…" Bismuth commented.
"Then I was abducted. Kidnapped. There were other humans with me, too, but I didn't do anything to help once Steven began fighting against the Homeworld gems. I just ran and hid again," He said. "But Steven… gave himself up and I ended up captured while the others escaped. On Homeworld, after he was sent to Trial, we escaped and met the Off Colors; but we were chased by some… weird robonoids, that shatter gems once they're detected. I wanted to turn things around, I stood up for my friends. And I died doing that."
Lars held his own hands, leaning towards the table. Bismuth was frowning once she heard that Steven had been on Trial. She didn't remember if the half-gem had told her that before. It must have been scary. Regardless, she listened to him in silence, finding it hard to process. She ended up finding the multicolored cat, that approached them.
"Steven gave me another chance, by bringing me back to life," Lars revealed. "And I grabbed it and fought alongside the Off Colors to get back home.
"I… I thought I was so ready to go back, to restart everything. But as we approached the Earth, I couldn't find that confidence I gained in our battles. On the other hand, I… I didn't want to let the gems know because they were so glad to find a place to live, where they couldn't be killed for how they were made. So, I… suppressed those feelings to favor their happiness.
"Now I'm here. I'm right here, just meters away from my parents, from my home, and I don't want to go there. I… can't."
By the tone of his voice, it sounded he was about to cry.
"I can't see them because… b-because I made so many bad things and I can't go home and pretend everything's fine. It's not. I died, I'm not a human anymore, I just- looked down on everyone I loved. How am I going to accept all that? How can I go home after- after everything I did to them?"
The blacksmith wanted to say something, wanted to prove him otherwise, but… but she was left speechless.
"I don't know what to do," Lars sobbed, helpless.
It was then that he broke down in tears. Bismuth was still unable to speak while she was succumbed to his sobs and how he hugged himself way too tight. How he put himself down so much.
Regret and worthlessness were explicit in his speech. Lars didn't want to see his family nor friends because of the things he had done. Even after everything he had gone through, he couldn't deal with that. He didn't feel he deserved this second chance. That he should be back home.
…
For some reason, Bismuth found herself looking away. Her face twitched, and her eyes were burning. She didn't know why she was having those symptoms all of a sudden, but it didn't take long for her to understand.
Lars' words and situation felt… familiar.
Many things about him were familiar to her. His stubbornness, his strong remorse, that affected his self-image, despite showing many incredible skills and knowledge of battles… and how his mental state got the best of him.
It was so similar, it… hurt.
Why would you let me out? I just tried to shatter you.
You seriously think they're gonna want me around when the last thing I did was try to shatter you?
I've got enough self-respect in this gem to accept that they don't want me on their team anymore.
I blew it!
When she had been unbubbled the second time, while Steven had gone outside to prepare the "surprise" he had planned to the gems, she had stared at the floor in shame. She had looked at her own hands, at herself.
They don't want me around, She had thought. Not after what I did…
But Steven had proven her wrong. Her friends had longed to see her. Even after she had tried to kill him. They had accepted her back to the Crystal Gems and there she was, exploring the Earth, protecting it and… making friends.
It didn't mean those thoughts weren't meaningless, though. Just remembering them were enough to affect her. Just hearing Lars sob and mutter to himself that he wasn't worth it caused her guilt to return, even after she had learnt to forgive herself. It was frightening regardless.
Yet she couldn't bear to let Lars believe those consuming beliefs. He was too focused on his fears that he couldn't see the opportunities ahead of him.
Steven may have given him a chance, but… what about Lars? Had he given it to himself?
Bismuth, while taking a few seconds to do so, placed a hand on his back – making him let out a surprised noise. He looked up, his eyes wet and… something coming out of his nose.
He attempted to dry his wet face, but it didn't prevent more tears from forming.
"I-I'm-" He sounded ashamed, for having cried so much, from what she could tell by his look.
She let out a deep breath.
"Lars," Bismuth began. "I… I can't blame you for feeling that way. I get how you feel," She caught his surprised frown. "It's true, I get it: you did something- or more bad things to people who care about you and… you ended up being excluded, somehow, for such a long time that, once you give more thought to it, you… you really regret your actions.
"And then you're back to where it all happened, and you feel ashamed. Ashamed of yourself. You don't believe people will forgive you. You don't think they'll accept you because… you don't think you deserve it."
Lars' sobs ceased as she stopped talking. His eyes focusing on her then, from what she could tell from her glances every now and then.
"Is- " He swallowed. "I-Is that… what happened to you? S-Since I've never… seen you around before…"
The blacksmith let out a deep, painful sigh. She wished she had some lava to dive on, but there was no fire other than the one from the fireplace and she was sure Greg wouldn't be so pleased. She would have to do it later at her forge.
"You don't- need to tell me," Lars assured her, apprehensive towards her silence. She gave him a sad smile.
"No worries, pink boy. I don't really mind sharing my issues."
Bismuth straightened her back while Lars awaited in nervousness.
"You do remember I told you that I wanted to shatter the Diamonds?" She asked him, receiving his nod as a reply. "Well, since Rose was our leader, then you know where that would lead to."
Lars' eyes widened in realization and he let out a "Oh."
Bismuth couldn't help snorting, while aware of how serious the situation was. "After getting into a fight with her, she bubbled me away. She didn't tell anyone what happened and tried to make it look like I disappeared in battle or whatever. It was then that Steven freed me, after finding me inside that giant cat's mane. There's that weird dimension there, right…"
"Yeah…" The captain touched his own pink hair.
"I've stayed in for a little while, we've had lots of fun. Steven taught me how to cook, how to play cards and we even watched that… film thing called Lonely Blade or something," She smiled. It faded rather quickly. "Then I found out he had Rose's sword and I became excited. Seeing how different he was from Rose, I thought I could… I could reason with him. I thought I could get him to join my cause to shatter the Diamonds. That never changed, even though I'd been bubbled for that.
"But Steven didn't want to, and I got mad. I was too reckless and I thought he was Rose, I thought she was making a fool out of me again and…"
That last part was hard to speak up.
"… I tried to kill him."
She couldn't even look at Lars. Just saying that to other people aside from Steven was something she had promised herself never to do. She was glad that Greg wasn't around to hear that. He didn't know all the details, at least.
"And I ended up bubbled again," Bismuth continued, gulping. "But it didn't take long before Steven released me again. I couldn't understand why he was so welcoming after that. He wanted to invite me to Garnet's wedding and was going to make a 'surprise' for them, to reveal that I was back; but I couldn't… I couldn't face my friends after almost shattering their leader. And I was so frustrated because Steven tried so hard, and I didn't feel like I deserved it. So, I fled to my forge.
"He managed to convince me though, so I… I was back here, and everyone saw me. I didn't know how they would react; but you should've seen their faces, they were so happy to see me," Bismuth laughed, remembering her friends' tears of joy. "They wanted me back to the team. And I wouldn't have known that if it weren't for Steven.
"Even after what I did to him, he believed – and he does believe that I can do better. Rose didn't give me a second chance, because she was… afraid. But Steven, he is something else! Apart from the literal sense, that is.
"But, even then… I had to believe in myself. It wasn't only Steven. I had to accept the opportunity he gave me."
Lars dried his tears, with… a hopeful look on his face. She grinned at him, seeing that her words were heard and thought by him with care.
"Listen, I can't guarantee the exact same thing will happen, but you never know until you try, right? I never expected the gems to welcome me back, and I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't listened to Steven.
"We've done things we wish we'd never done to begin with, and it might be hard to accept them… but we've gotta move forward and give ourselvesa chance. Steven isn't the only one that motivates us. It's up to ourselves."
He frowned, but not in disagreement. He was more thoughtful, not saying anything. Soon enough, his eyes were… bright again.
"Y… You're right," Lars said, his voice quiet, but no longer containing the same hatred towards himself. "I've… gotta give myself a chance."
"That's right, cap. But it's okay to have some time to think about it, too. I'm not telling you to go to your home right now. You can stay here for as long as you need. Just… think about what I said to you, alright?"
He took time to respond with a nod and a… more confident look on his face. Although she could still sense a hidden fear, she could tell he was trying his best not to let it get out of control.
"Yeah. Okay," He took a deep breath. "T… Thanks, Bismuth."
She patted his back, her smile growing bigger. "No problem, captain Lars. Like I told you, you're dignified. You just have to remember that yourself."
He couldn't contain the little smile that revealed itself on his face. It was a good sight to her, she thought.
"Now, go get some rest," Bismuth told him. "I'll warp to my forge and do what I have to do, but I won't take long."
"Okay," He said, looking at Steven's bed on the upper floor. "Well, I'll take care of Lapis and Peridot for now, but after that, I don't know if I'm going to sleep… y'know, because I'm pink and all."
"It's alright, you can rest and just have some alone time. I would invite you to get on the lava with me, but I don't think you're lava proof, am I right?"
"Yeah, I'm not," He snorted. "Or… I don't know, my body is really weird now. But it's better to be safe."
"That's fair."
He sat on the floor, as Lion moved itself to lay more comfortably. Bismuth headed to the warp pad, that was still intact; but, before she could warp herself to her beloved forge, she heard the door opening from the distance.
"Oh! You're still awake. That's good," Greg said, relieved.
Bismuth turned away immediately, frowning.
"Greg? I thought you were going to sleep?" She asked, walking back to where she and Lars had stood.
"Well, I was, but… on the way, I bumped into some people. And, uh…"
He looked at Lars as he bit his own lip. Greg looked behind him. Bismuth couldn't tell if there was someone with him, but she assumed that was the case.
"You've got a visitor, Lars," The man told him.
The captain raised an eyebrow and stood up and was about to ask him something when Greg revealed the so-called visitor. Lars' eyes widened, much to her surprise. Once she realized, she heard footsteps and found a short, blond woman, who wore dark clothing. The gem… could remember having seen her at Garnet's wedding, but they had not interacted. She must be Steven's friend – and Lars', if she wanted to speak to him.
Both Lars and the woman were silent.
"S… S-Sadie?" Lars dared to speak, his voice abruptly shaky.
Sadie… that name had been mentioned when he described the people that cared about him. Her body stiffened as soon as she heard it spoken through his voice. It appeared that the two would begin crying at any moment.
They slowly approached one another. No, Sadie was the one who actually advanced; Lars was hesitant, afraid again. He even looked at Bismuth, as if he was desperate for help. The blacksmith smiled and moved her head towards Sadie, silently encouraging him to go for it.
"Oh my gosh," The blond girl spoke, her voice too quiet. "You're…"
The pink boy gulped, not taking a step forward. Sadie had tears in her eyes; they both had, honestly. However, she frowned at such a rapid rate, it even caught Bismuth by surprise.
"I- I can't believe you!" Sadie snapped. "After all this time, you didn't even go see your parents! Do you know how worried they've been with you in space?! Do you know how worried I was?! I only knew you were back because Greg and- and Jenny, Buck and Sour Cream told me!"
"S-Sadie, I…"
"How can you do that?!"
"I just- I just learned what happened to Steven a-and- and I fought with the friends I met in space, a-and- I was too afraid to face you guys!"
"You can't do that! You can't just- not tell anyone that cares about you that you're here!"
"L-Look, I'm sorry, okay?" Lars sniffed. "I… I was scared. I don't know how much Steven told you and- and I didn't know how you w-would react."
"He… He told me what happened. He said you…"
She didn't even finish the sentence, and Lars looked a lot more guilty.
"Oh, Lars…" Her voice broke.
"I'm sorry," He sobbed. "I'm sorry for- for everything. I left you at the ship, I was a jerk to you, to everyone, a-and…"
Sadie pulled him for a tight hug, catching the captain by surprise; he even gasped.
"Don't you ever do that again," She told him. "I was worried sick!"
"I know," He said. "I'm so sorry."
"You jerk," She hiccupped. "God, I'm- I'm so glad you're back."
Lars laughed. "I am, too."
From the doorstep, Greg smiled at the scene. Bismuth felt relieved once she saw the two talking. From what she had witnessed, she could tell how much Lars and Sadie cared for one another. She was glad the two saw each other again.
He shot a glance to Bismuth, who grinned at him. He gave her a watered smile, as he was then crying in silence. Greg joined her, standing by her side while Lars and Sadie hugged one another. Suddenly, Pumpkin began barking, as it acknowledged Sadie's presence. It approached her, startling her.
"Oh, gosh, I forgot Steven had that pumpkin," She sighed in relief, leading Lars to laugh.
"I didn't even know he had one."
"Yeah, of course not."
"Still, it's pretty cute," Lars rubbed the pumpkin's head. "Don't you think?"
Sadie smiled. "Yeah."
Before anyone could say anything else, the group heard fast footsteps rushing upstairs outside. A tall figure showed up and gasped at the sight of Lars, entering the house immediately. It was then that Bismuth acknowledged it to be one of Lars' friends. Rhodonite, as she remembered the Off Colors introducing themselves.
"C-Captain!" The fusion was relieved, but desperate all at same, appearing to have run a lot to get there. "Padparadscha and Fluorite told me you left, b-but we didn't see you at the beach a-and I t-thought-!"
"Oh no, I'm sorry," Lars shot her a remorseful gaze. "I forgot to tell you I was staying here."
"I- I…"
Rhodonite took a while to breathe again, holding her own four hands in nervousness. She took slow steps towards Lars. He didn't hesitate and awaited, though gulping.
"I'm- I-I'm really sorry, captain," She said. "What I said to you wasn't- I shouldn't have-!"
"No, Rhodonite…" He tried to interrupt her, but failed, as she continued.
"I y-yelled at you. You were trying to help us feel better, but… I came off as extremely rude. What I did was unforgivable. I…" She hiccupped. "I-I understand if you want me out of the team. I'm honestly- I'm the one who's a coward, I was the one t-that kept holding us back this entire time, and-!"
"Rhodonite."
She stopped as soon as she heard Lars' voice, speaking out louder than her apologies. Rhodonite even straightened her back at his tone, but Bismuth could tell he wasn't angry at her, as far as she was concerned.
The captain, rather than replying with words right away, wrapped his arms around her. A shocked gasp came out of the fusion.
"I know I'm… I'm not the leader you guys wanted," Lars told Rhodonite. "And I'm sorry that the one that inspired you so much turned out to be a huge lie – but I'll never, ever abandon you guys.
"I would never kick you out of the team. You are more than just- a team, you're my family."
"L… Lars…"
She quickly broke down as well. She took some time to return the hug but didn't appear to be so sure of how it was done. Lars didn't seem to care, anyway; in fact, it did seem he was hugging her even tighter. Sadie only observed the scene, but with a sad smile on her face.
"And you're not alone," He continued, pulling her away to face her. "Nobody's fine with what Rose did, but we'll do what we have to do to protect the Earth while Steven is on Homeworld. We'll get through this - together."
Rhodonite gazed at him in awe, her tears rolling down her face. Bismuth could even spot a small, shaky smile coming from her.
"T… Together," She repeated, sounding more confident as well.
"Yeah," Lars smiled back.
"Captain!" "You're here!" Rutile exclaimed as she and Padparadscha arrived at the house, with Fluorite outside.
"Hey, guys," He said. "Sorry for not letting you know I was here…"
"At least… you're safe…" Fluorite commented, relieved.
Pumpkin was barking at all of them in excitement and the cat greeted Rhodonite with a pleased 'meow'. However, the gems didn't take long to notice Sadie near Lars. The blond human brushed her own hair, shy. He put his hand on her back, to approach her and the Off Colors.
"Guys," Lars smiled fondly at her. "This is Sadie."
"H-Hi," Sadie waved at the group of curious gems, who were awestruck. "It's nice to meet you."
They smiled and said 'hi' back, with the exception of Padparadscha; who, within a few seconds, claimed loud to everyone present in the room:
"I predict we will meet the human Sadie – and she will be as beautiful as how captain Lars describes her!"
A noise of utter regret could be heard from Lars, whose face became a much darker pink and that was soon hidden by his hands. Bismuth couldn't contain the loud laughter that echoed afterwards. Padparadscha, in spite of predicting things that had already happened, was a smart gem. The other Off Colors giggled as well, and Sadie snorted, her cheeks pink. Greg watched it with delight instead of laughing. Bismuth just loved to see how embarrassed Lars was.
"I can't believe I have my first embarrassment after months in space," He complained, but not containing the wide smile on his face.
"Get used to it," Sadie teased, bumping his arm with her elbow.
"Well, Lars did talk a lot more about you, too," Rhodonite added, smirking.
"O-Okay, that's enough!" His voice was a pitch higher, much to Bismuth's entertainment. She had never expected she would see the captain like that, and it was just amazing.
"Yeah, we should all get ourselves to rest," Greg let out a relieved sigh.
"We will head back to our ship shortly, too," Rutile replied. "We just came to get captain Lars."
"W-Wait, actually…" Lars rubbed the back of his neck, looking away for a moment as he took some time to think before saying what he wanted to say. "I think I…
"… I'll go at my parents' place."
"Oh?" The Off Colors said, surprised. Sadie observed him in silence.
"You've changed your mind?" Greg asked.
"Yeah. I've… thought about it and I'll go home. E-Even though I'm… not sure how they'll react, well…"
Lars looked at Bismuth.
"I'll be giving it a chance," He said, smiling at her.
Bismuth returned it with delight and winked.
"I'll go with you if you need support," Sadie offered herself. "I don't think Steven had a lot of time to tell them what actually happened with so much stuff happening…"
"Yeah, I sort of expected that," Lars smirked.
"Well, we will be at the ship if you need us," Rhodonite said. "So, you can talk to your family."
"Alright, then," Lars concluded. "Let's go."
"Good night, y'all!" Greg told them.
"Good night! Thank you for everything," Lars smiled at Greg and Bismuth, and waved. "We'll see you tomorrow!"
"Yeah, we've got a lot of work to do," Bismuth reminded them. "But we can do it! We're the Crystal Gems!"
The Off Colors cheered in agreement. With that, Lars, the gems and Sadie all left, leaving Greg and Bismuth. behind. As they were finally on their own, the two let out a breath they had been holding for a long time.
"Today was another long day… but I'm glad to have Lars back," Greg commented. "And that everything was sorted out."
"Me too."
Behind them, Lion yawned loudly and shifted itself on the couch. Greg smiled at the giant feline and rubbed his own eye.
"Well, I'll be having my beauty sleep now," He snorted. "Good night, Bismuth."
"'Night, Greg."
He was the last one to leave the house, thus only Bismuth remained there. The house was quiet and peaceful; that is, before Pumpkin reached her and craved affection. She was glad to give it to the excited vegetable.
"Hey, little fella," Bismuth said. "You sure have a lot of energy, huh?"
It barked as if it confirmed her statement. She then had an idea.
"Well, how 'bout you look after your buddies over there with Lion?" She pointed at Peridot and Lapis on the table. "I'll just get something done real quick."
Even though it didn't speak her language, the pumpkin appeared to have understood her order. It had its eyes focused on the two gems and remained there, not distracting itself over anything else. Bismuth nodded in approval. The small cat jumped on Lion's mane and lied on it, closing its blue eye. The blacksmith just loved those small guys. They always lifted her mood.
Before heading to the forge, however, Bismuth's eyes were gazing at Rose's portrait on the wall. She let out a sigh.
"Well, Rose," She said, knowing it was nothing more than a drawing, but spoke nonetheless. "You did make a huge mess… but I have to thank you for introducing me to all these wonderful friends. And for bringing Steven to this world."
With that said, Bismuth gave the painting a last, complex but genuine smile and made her way to the warp pad, which lead her to her forge.
A/N: And that's it, for now! I'm actually planning to post a sequel to this fic and it might be posted this month! I did want it to be posted before Diamond Days aired, but I'm afraid it won't be up that soon. I'm very excited to work on it, though!
Thank you all for your feedback, I appreciate it with gratefulness! Until next time!