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Silencing the bells
Almost a fortnight went by with Thorin and Eilin standing above their daughter like angels, counting her breaths and measuring the milk she consumed while admiring their blooming son who was growing stronger by the day. No one in the Kingdom got to see the babies as they were still kept safely in the confines of the Royal chambers away from all the prying eyes. Only a few of Thorin's comrades were allowed to visit and even fewer of the Lords. Dwalin, Balin, Oin, Gloin, Dori, and Bofur where the only ones that Thorin allowed close to his children. As for the Lords who carried with them expensive gifts for his daughter and son, only Bjarki, Dain and Durar were allowed to come for a brief visit when the Queen felt like she was going to be able to handle the etiquette that went along with such visits. The rest of Erebor had to patiently wait for Thorin and Eilin to decide to present the royal siblings when they felt ready. Rumours circulated simultaneously about the fragile health of the little girl and the strength of the heir to the throne and the people yearned for some news, but the Royal couple was not ready to present them with any yet. No matter the conflicting information about the Royal twins the very stone walls of this golden city seemed to exhaled in consolation whenever some news were released about the babies.
The care of the children was divided between Eilin and Thorin with Dis, Fili and Lis chiming in whenever they were needed, even thought the young girl was in over her head around the babies. She made sure to remind everyone that she'd protect them with her life, but it was not easy for her to babysit them as she was a little more than a child herself. So young Lis turned out to be a bewildered spectator in the best of cases, or a silent sentinel next to the Royal Guards in the best. Assuming her most serious face and holding her bow and arrows as she stood next to the King's doors until her mother asked her to come over to grab some lunch or get some sleep.
At the break of sixteenth day Thorin was forced to break his isolation as his presence was needed all over Erebor, so he utilised all the help he could get after that day, admitting defeat. When Dis was too tired and Eilin needed to rest after several long sleepless vigils for their daughter, he called on his nephew. Fili was more than willing to take over his cousins and it wasn't few times that Valdis found him trying to calm down both Durin and Rhianaye who couldn't stop crying. The baby girl probably because she was too cold or too hungry and Durin because he was colicky. The baby prince was going through days of fussiness, high-pitched crying that send his parents into a frenzy and he was very difficult to comfort.
Durin's nervousness was making his sister easily very excitable too. When Valdis found Fili in over his head with his cousins she offered her help and they usually ended up each holding a baby in their arms, rocking and bouncing them back and forth until they fell asleep after a long time, leaving Fili's and Valdis' nerves hanging by a thread. Usually Rhianaye was the easiest to calm down. Durin kept on fussing and crying, twisting and turning until usually Fili got exhausted and passed him over to Valdis who proved to be far more patient than him. Then his mother would wake up to take care of the babies and Fili would exhale in relief, admitting to Valdis that he was not yet ready to father a child. This trial was turning out to be much more demanding than he had ever imagined. Whenever he spoke like that Valdis was looking at him with the sweetest and most wistful looks.
At the end of each debilitating day the babies ended up home in the arms of poor sleepless Eilin. The Queen had a real difficulty staying awake during the last few days, after so many nights of enervating insomnia. As for the King, he was torn between the obligations of his rulership and the impending needs of his family. He was desperately trying to balance out everything in expense to his rest also. Even with the help of three extra people, Thorin and Eilin met their match in Durin and Rhianaye who seemed to want to test their parent's limits, both physically and emotionally. Little did Thorin and Eilin know that this was only the beginning of a long struggle where they would sacrifice a large part of their sanity, amongst other things, in order to raise their children. Even less did they imagine that these hardships were common amongst all parents and it was something everyone who bore children had to endure. What gave them courage was that they had each other through these ordeals. At the end of the day they were there to assist and comfort each other and that gave them strength to carry on down the long and bumpy road of parenthood.
This night proved to be rather difficult for Durin's belly aches and for Rhianaye's feeding. During the day Thorin had to take care of the babies mostly alone with a small assistance from his sister when he was required in the army barracks. After that he returned to his office to take care a large order of mithril vests from the Elven realm, before rushing back to his rooms looking totally dishevelled. He took over the children from Dis, as Eilin slept quietly, and looked after them till nightfall with endless patience against their agitated crying. He changed them, bathed them and placed them on their mother's breasts to feed. He assisted Rhianaye by massaging her throat as Loa showed him in order to force her to swallow. Then he placed them in the crib next to each other and covered them up hoping for the best and expecting the worst. When Rhianaye reached out and grasped Durin's small forearm as usual and then settled down to sleep, Thorin exhaled in relief. She always held onto someone before sleeping. Either her mother's or father's finger, or Durin's hand, leg or even tunic. After making sure that the babies were tucked in safely Thorin managed to get into bed totally exhausted. He lay on top of the covers with all his clothes on, cuddled next to his wife and within moments he was snoring away all his fatigue.
He didn't know how long he slept, but what woke him up was the usual high-pitched crying of Durin. He wanted to open up his eyes and force himself out of bed, but for some reason he was unable to do so. It was as if his body had shut down completely. He felt a wave of gratitude when the soft lips of Eilin placed a tender kiss on his temple and she whispered lovingly. "Sleep my love, I have them." That was enough to allow him to forget about everything and be drawn into a deep restful sleep once more, which was not disturbed by the fussiness of the babies.
When he opened his eyes again it was once more dark outside and Durin seemed to be agitated again. His eyes cracked open and he gazed at Eilin who laying next to him with Rhianaye on her breast, trying to feed the little beauty. Rhianaye had her small hands around her mother's breast mauling it and her tiny well formed mouth was trying to latch on Eilin's nipple. Durin was in the crib kicking and twisting his little body as if he wanted to escape the blanket that was tightly wrapped around him. Thorin yawned and drew Eilin on him by the waist until Rhianaye's small back was resting on his forehead. The feeling of wholesomeness he had when his family was in his arms was indescribable. He moved his head up and planted a soft kiss on Rhianaye's back who fussed for a few moments and then settled down to feed again.
"How long did I sleep?" he murmured and his voice sounded hoarse and deeper than usual.
Eilin gifted his forehead with a tender kiss. "All through the night and all through the day."
"What time is it?" he whispered and fought the need to close his eyes and sleep some more.
"It's close to the break of dawn." -Eilin said quietly and cooed Rhianaye- "Come on my love, have a little bit more. Don't sleep on me yet."
Thorin's eye cracked open. "Did she feed well?"
"It was better today. I can see her trying so hard, but when she falls asleep exhausted my heart breaks Thorin, I swear sometimes I cannot take this." Eilin said and Thorin heard the emotional crack in her voice.
He pulled her in and kissed her forearm. "She has battled through the first hard weeks like a trooper. She's going to be fine believe me."
"She still cannot cry and her breathing is a bit stressed at times. Loa says until she cries as loud as her brother we have to be on guard." Eilin's tone betrayed all the worry she felt inside.
"And so we are, but look at the subtle changes in her. She's not so cold anymore, she's getting a bit chubbier and she has gifted us with many looks with those perfect green eyes of hers." Thorin's lips upturned and he caressed Rhianaye's head lovingly.
"You are always trying to give me courage." Eilin whispered and smiled at the doting way that Thorin was caressing their daughter.
"Look at how well she is massaging you in order to coax out your milk..." Thorin admired the brave tries of his wee one to drink more.
Eilin looked at the cradle and winced. "Can you please bring me over Farin? I don't want to stop Rhianaye now that she's managing to feed so well."
Thorin nodded and rubbed his face hard. "Sure." He placed his feet on the floor and only then he realised that he had slept with all his clothes on. He stood up and felt all the muscles in his body tensing painfully, but the moment he stood above his displeased son, the most dazzling smile adorned his face and he forgot about every discomfort. He reached out and picked him up carefully. "Hey little man, what's wrong with you these days...?" he murmured at his boy and caressed the side of his open mouth. The baby kicked and tried to grab his father's huge hand. He looked up with his large blue eyes and tried to focus on Thorin's face, then he squeezed his eyes tight and gave a scream that rattled the nerves of his mother.
"Oh heaven..." -Eilin closed her eyes- "I just fed him."
"He is in pain again." Thorin bounced him gently and caressed his back.
"Bring my little warrior here, I will try to feed him again." Eilin stretched out her hand.
Thorin looked at her pale face and bloodshot eyes. He observed how much weight she had lost and felt his heart bleeding for her. Even though she was at the end of her tether she was clenching her teeth and battling through in order to provide the best for her babies. He came around and gave her Durin. She placed him on her other breast and it was Thorin who assisted his son to latch on. If someone ever told him when he first met Eilin, that one day he wouldn't think of groping her naked breast, but he'd try to assist his child to feed from it, he would have dismissed them as crazy. He pulled Eilin in his arms until her head rested on his shoulder and caressed her long hair gently as his children fed from her. No matter how tired he or she was, those were the very moments he wouldn't have changed for anything else in the whole world. It was when he earned a new found respect for every new mother's struggle. It was when he realised how much support every mother needed from her husband in order to raise her children.
It was rather eerie that the same exact thoughts were passing from Eilin's mind. She was thinking how Thorin was turning out to be an amazing father. How nobly he was trying to balance his very demanding job and his family without acting grumpy. She couldn't stop thinking how lucky she was to have him by her side and how unlucky her mother had been not to have Eilin's father by her side at all, probably not even in birth. Those were the thoughts that overtook her mind as her children were feeding and she expressed them quietly as Thorin's lips coasted past her temple several times with gentle kisses. "I am so lucky."
He sighed. "About what?"
"To have my precious babies in my arms and you supporting me so uncomplainingly." She whispered and closed her eyes.
He pulled her in firmly. "There was never a question about that. I was destined to remain next to you from the moment I laid my eyes on you."
She nodded. "That is what I mean Thorin. Not every man supports his wife with such devotion as you. You choose to sacrifice your rest so I can gain mine. Do you understand how important that is for me? Especially when I know that not everybody can be the King of the North. It's not that you just landed a job in order to support us. You are ruling seven kingdoms and you are still trying to give our family your best. I don't know how long you will last, working at this rate though."
He huffed. "Forever, don't doubt that."
She sighed deeply. "See? That is is what I am saying. Listen to you."
His brow wrinkled with confusion. "I cannot fathom a father not caring about his wife and his children and that doesn't depend on one's profession."
"Well you grew up in a very tightly knit family. How can you imagine what I am thinking." She rejoined.
"Tightly knit families still have skeletons in their closets my beloved." He said quietly.
She shook her head. "I cannot deny that, still..." she exhaled and entwined her fingers between his.
"Still what?" he frowned and kissed the hairline on the forehead.
"Your father was always there for your family. You cannot deny that, no matter your personal hell with him." A deep shade of melancholy tainted her voice.
"Truth is he did what he could for us, the best way he knew how." Thorin felt his eyes burning on remembering the torn piece of Thrain's clothing he had kept like treasure in his locked drawer along with Eilin's baby belt.
She closed her eyes. "Therefore you cannot understand what I am saying about useless fathers who abandoned their families."
"You are right, I cannot." He said gently.
She humphed. "Well, I can."
His large hand caressed her and he remained patiently silent.
"My father." She spat vehemently.
He lifted up her hand and kissed it affectionately. "I think you should bygones be bygones."
She shook her head and her free hand caressed Durin's feet. The baby boy lifted his head up and turned it the other way when he finished drinking from his mother. That was an achievement the proud parent shared with the kingdom, as he was too young to have such good control of his muscles yet. "How can I let it be bygones Thorin when I have you reminding me what a father should really be like?"
He closed his eyes and kissed her cheek lovingly. "Should I try to downgrade myself then?"
She huffed and felt her eyes burning. "Don't even dare joke about this, please."
"It was a silly little tease, but I won't deny that I am confused. I don't understand what you want me to do." He said calmly and caressed her cheek.
She snuggled at the croon of his neck. "I don't want you to do the same thing my father did."
"Abandon you?" he frowned.
She nodded silently.
"I'd never leave you alone. I told you before and I shall tell you again no matter how many times you ask me. I know this is your worst fear, but it won't happen with us, I promise my dove." He reassured her with a gentle tone that soothed her heart.
Eilin didn't speak for a long time. Her hand caressed the sleeping Durin who was exhaling soft moans of pain and Rhianaye who was trying to settle down between the bodies of her father and mother. She was opening and closing her eyes, not readily deciding what she wanted to do, even though she had eaten better than any other time before. She grabbed hold of her mother's tunic and her other hand searched for her brother. When she found his wrist she clutched her small fingers around it and then settled down. Eilin smiled down sweetly at her babies. "Look at them."
Thorin nodded. "They are unspeakably beautiful and utterly exhausting."
Eilin smiled, but also felt her tears releasing and she reached up to cup Thorin's cheek. Then she drew him down and her lips skimmed across his a couple of times before opening up to gift him with a tender kiss that related all the love she felt in her heart for him. He reciprocated and one arm came behind Eilin's torso, protectively pulling her and the babies close to his chest, while the other tunnelled sensually through her hair. Then he kissed her, long and slow and tenderly. When she pulled back he was looking mesmerised at her lips. "Missed you like hell." He whispered.
She reached up and caressed the side of his mouth. "Me too...you have no idea."
He smiled at her and his finger planed down her cheek to her jawline before lingering on her chin. Then Durin moaned softly and both parents looked down at him worriedly. Eilin caressed his rosy cheek and rearranged his full set of curly black hair. It took her several moments to speak, but when she did her words took Thorin by surprise. "Remember what you told me after our wedding, at the treasury?"
He raised his brow.
"If I asked the proper questions, you'd provide me with the proper answers?" He saw the lost pain in Eilin's eyes and his heart skirted.
"I remember." He nodded.
"That offer wasn't about the broken sword, it was about my father, right?" she asked nervously.
"It was about the broken sword and the family to which it belongs..." he rejoined quietly.
"Which family is that Thorin?" she pulled back and looked at his beautiful eyes.
"Your family my beloved." -He caressed her chin tenderly. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips tightly. He felt the shudder of apprehension running through her body and enfolded her close to him protectively- "You don't have to ask about that now. I can see how much this affects you. You are too fatigued from the babies and your mind is playing tricks on you. Maybe we can discuss this at a better time." He offered.
"Will you answer to me now if I ask the right questions?" She nibbled her bottom lip.
He swallowed heavily. "If you feel ready of course I will, but I would advice against it."
She closed her eyes and leaned her head back. It took her more than several moments to speak this time and Thorin didn't stop caressing her face with one hand and the feet of Rhianaye with the other. Waiting patiently for her to express all her worries to him. "Do you know who my father is?" When her eyes opened up they were overtaken by determination.
The decisiveness he saw in them convinced him that she truly wished to learn. For better or for worse it was not his place to decide if he could offer her the truth or not. This was Eilin's history, her closure with the past, not his knowledge to keep under locks. He pressed his lips and looked down at her solemnly. He cupped her cheek and spoke as soothingly as he could about a matter that ached her so much. "Lord Óthin of the Firebeard clan, direct descendant of Lord Telchar one of the most famous blacksmiths of Middle Earth. Your forefather created the legendary sword, which was in the ownership of Lord Elrond and now belongs to Erebor's treasure vaults."
"You asked for it?" she touched his bearded cheek gently and her eyes pooled with tears.
He gave her a gentle nod. "I wanted the heirloom of your family in my possession. I wanted to present it to you whenever you felt ready to hear the truth."
She closed her eyes and several tears run down her cheeks. "Óthin..." she muttered.
Thorin rested his chin on the top of her head and then inhaled deeply her scent. He closed his eyes and his long fingers caressed the back of her head soothingly.
She spoke after a long silence that he didn't dare disturb. "What do you know about him?"
He rubbed his bearded cheek on her curly hair and spoke in a hushed tone. "He was a fierce warrior who partook in many battles. He never married and never settled down in any of the major dwarven cities, but whenever his skills were needed he was there to fight courageously next to his rulers for the freedom of his kin. He was proud, vociferous, crass and crude, but loyal to the bone. A friend of alcohol and beautiful women. He had your amazing red hair and your beautiful green eyes." He felt Eilin's tears cascading down the back of his hand and his heart broke for her.
"He gave me something of his legacy then...his colours..." she humphed and he heard the bitterness in her tone.
"I think he may have also given you his courageous and brave nature..." he said quietly.
She closed her eyes and looked at her children. "If he was courageous he would have remained next to my mother."
Thorin pressed his lips. "You cannot know what happened Eilin. Maybe it was your mother who denied him the opportunity, ever thought of that? We don't know their history, we can only suppose and that is hardly fair to your parents. What we do know is that he remained close enough to see your birth and give you this baby belt that had his ancient runes carved on it. After that who knows what happened and what made your parents break up. For our kin it is rare, nay impossible for a Dwarf to separate from the woman he loves. So maybe your mother didn't want to settle down, or maybe your father didn't love her." -He exhaled frustrated- "See? This is why I hate supposition. You can have so many possibilities and if you don't know the facts every single one of them might be false."
Eilin wiped her tears with the back of her hand and sniffled, but the tone of her voice tried to sound brave. "You said he never married."
"As far as I know." He said quietly.
"Did you know him well?" Eilin tried to find his eyes.
"Unfortunately no. Balin knew him a little better. He told me that Lord Óthin didn't want to settle down either in a home or with a woman. He loved going to human taverns and subsequently get lost in them for several months at a time. Was he the exception to the rule of our kin about having a One? I cannot know. Did he love women so much that he wanted to have fun with as many as possible? It could be...I really cannot tell. I am just supposing again." Thorin said carefully, not wanting to hurt Eilin's feelings more.
She pulled back and frowned up at him. "You fraternised with him at all?"
Thorin's lips turned down and his long fingers cleared some long tendrils from her face. "No my love, but I've fought next to him in the battle of Moria. He was one of the butchers of Azanulbizar. He laid our foes to waste and he fought bravely, but I didn't know him personally. He partook in a couple of meetings before that battle and I saw him protecting my grandfather in the heat of battle. I knew few things about him, apart from his indisputable bravery and loyalty. I have even less memories of him, as those moments are very foggy for me."
Eilin's eyes filled with sadness. Her forefinger searched his mouth and touched his bottom lip gently. "You've fought next to my father..."
Thorin felt his heart clenching and swallowed heavily.
Eilin's eyes remained frozen in time before they closed up. She leaned her head back and tears rolled down her cheeks. "He never try to look for me...or maybe he did. How can I ever know? He gave me that baby belt. That means that he wanted me to know someday that I was his, right?" she asked with a hushed, but totally crushed tone.
He nodded. "That is what I believe."
She gripped him hard. "Do you know if he is dead or alive?"
Thorin shook his head regretfully. "No my love. He never made a reappearance in any major Dwarven city after the battle of Moria, but I can check on the records of the seven Kingdoms just to be sure if you want me."
Eilin's eyes got lost into the fire for several tense, but silent moments. Then she squeezed his forearm firmly. "I don't know if what I learned offered me a closure or opened up a whole array of wounds that are now unable to heal."
He kissed her head gently. "Both?"
She closed her eyes tight, needing to lock the pain away. "Being unaware of my parent's identity was a nightmare that I knew how to handle. Learning that my father might still be alive out there, yet he made no try to see me is another kind of hell, which is difficult to endure."
"I know my beloved." He whispered.
It took her a long time to respond to him as she was trying to settle down the pain from her bruised feelings. "How about my mother?"
He pressed his lips regretfully. "Unfortunately I have no way of knowing."
She snuggled against him and closed her eyes again.
"The only thing left of your family is that baby belt, Balin's memories of Lord Óthin's bravery and the Narsil. I hope I could give you more information about your family. I wish I had all the answers in order to offer you the closure you deserve. I long to answer why your parents didn't end up together and why you were given away. Still I have no way of knowing why your father gave you a baby belt with his initials if he never intended to make his presence known at some point. There are so many questions left unanswered and we cannot get a closure as long as I cannot answer the most important of them all. Is he still alive and can I find him? I don't know if digging up your past was the best course of action for you. I didn't give you enough answers and thusly I created another kind of hell for you. Forgive me" He said regretfully.
She sighed and pulled him over to plant a soft kiss at the side of his mouth. "I know you did the best you could for me. Besides...it was me who asked the questions in the end, right? You told me you had some answers, but I could have avoided these questions."
His lips turned down and he cradled her gently. "My Eilin..." He left all his thoughts unsaid.
"I like to believe that I have allowed this nightmare to remain in the past, but I am lying to myself." Her voice was bitter.
He remained tensely silent, holding her and his children close to his heart.
Eilin gritted her teeth. It took her several moments to speak again. "You fought next to my father..."
He shook his head and glared down at her. "And it something that doesn't make me feel very well either, I admit."
"I suppose you were shocked when you found out?" she searched his eyes.
"Immensely." He admitted.
She snuggled close to his chest and placed a careful kiss on his neck. "Thank you for doing all this for me."
"Are you thanking me for creating this new nightmare for you?" He frowned.
"I am thanking you for restoring my family's heirloom and letting me know a few things about my father. It will take me a long time to settle down with the idea that he may still be alive out there, but these angels will help me through this." -She looked lovingly down at their children and in an afterthought she pulled him down to kiss his cheek firmly- "And you...you help me above all."
He enfolded her in his huge frame and closed his eyes. "At the end of the day you are the sole master of your fate. You must not depending on others to rule your life anymore. No one is responsible for your happiness or your misery. Not your parents who abandoned you, willingly or not, nor the ones who adopted you in that tavern or all the drunkards that touched your skin and tainted it. Your fate now lays in your own two hands, but I promise that I will always be here for you. Should the sun not dawn again, should this world come to an end, remember. I'll be here for you."*
She cried then long and painfully. She emptied all her anguish in his embrace, feeling secure that she had his solid presence supporting her through all her past trauma, but also through her future trials with their children. Thorin had placed a balm over her bleeding heart when he spoke to her such precious words of devotion. Even though her father abandoned her, the father of her children was never going to do the same and she felt blessed. As he was holding her, her emotional and physical fatigue got the best of her and she was beginning to doze off with the babies in her arms, when out of the blue Durin reached out and grabbed his sister's leg so hard that the poor girl coughed and then released a high-pitched cry that drilled holes into the ears of her parents.
Thorin inhaled sharply and drew back shocked. He placed his large hand and covered all of Rhianaye's back. "What's wrong with her?" He frowned.
Eilin pulled her daughter up and looked at her red screaming face. "Thorin she's crying!"
He shook his head in momentary confusion. She was crying indeed, but her cry was different somehow...his mind though just couldn't put a finger on that difference.
Eilin's eyes seemed to have ignited. "Thorin she's crying!"
"I know..." he muttered, still confused.
Eilin pulled her daughter on her shoulder and grabbed Thorin's forearm hard trying to wake him up from his self inflicted stupor. "She's screaming as loud as Farin!" she exclaimed.
That is when the shock retreated and the realisation fell on Thorin like a ton of bricks. He sprang to his feet and run for the door. He threw it open and dashed down the corridor to his sister's room. He almost kicked her door down, pulled her out of bed and dragged her back to the Royal chambers.
Dis came in rubbing her face, clearly struggling to wake up. "What the hell has gotten into you wolf?" she croaked.
Thorin grasped Dis' face and turned it to Eilin who held the babies. "Listen!" He commanded.
"Farin's making a racket again..." Dis yawned.
Eilin shook her head and pulled up Rhianaye who coughed and then released a wail that was loud enough to wake up the whole corridor.
Dis cracked her eyes open and blinked lost.
"It's not Farin...it's Rhianaye!" Thorin shook his sister hard from the bicep to wake her up.
"What?!" Dis stumbled to the bed and leaned close to check on Rhianaye.
Thorin loomed above his sister eager to see what she was doing to his wee one. Dis lay the baby down in bed and began checking on her. She placed her ear on the baby's chest and made a sign for them to remain silent. Then she place Rhianaye in prone position and leaned down to listen to her back. When Rhianaye started settling down, Dis patted her back gently with her finger and the wee one began screaming again demandingly. She turned the baby around and looked at her teary green eyes and her red angry face.
Slowly a warm uncertain smile formed on her lips. Her fingers wrapped behind the baby's head and she picked her up gently and placed her on her shoulder, bouncing her. "Come on little princess, everything is fine..."
Thorin hovered over his sister like a hawk, ready to get the child, but Dis didn't allow him. She gave the baby girl to her mother, who tried to balance Rhianaye next to Durin.
"I think our little gem has cleared up..." Dis reached out to clear some hair away from the tired face of her sister in law.
Eilin beamed up to Dis. "That is what I thought...her crying sounded so different."
"Cleared up?" Thorin felt confused to no end.
None of the women paid him any attention.
"I listened to her airways and they seem as crystal clear as Farin's. What happened?" Dis said and caressed the back of baby boy who was moaning and groaning fussily.
"I don't know, I was about to sleep and suddenly she screamed bloody murder!" The smile of absolute bliss never left Eilin's mouth.
Dis reciprocated. "I want Loa to hear Rhianaye also, but I will reluctantly say that your precious baby girl has won this battle."
Eilin closed her eyes. Suddenly rivers of tears gushed down her face and strong trembles overtook her body. "I knew it...I understood what happened from the moment I heard that shrieking cry! Thank the great Mahal, thank Eru...thank the heavens for having pity on us...for not taking our little girl away from us..."
Thorin sat next to Eilin and immediately his wife grasped him like a barnacle balancing the babies between them. "Did you hear my heart? Our little Gem is going to be okay! She is out of danger..." She whispered and clutched her babies a little too tight for comfort.
Thorin's jawline flexed as he tried desperately to push down all that emotional outburst that he had been hiding behind his always calm and calculated demeanour. He didn't trust himself to speak so he rested his huge palm above the small body of his daughter, longing to feel the vibrations of that sturdy crying settling all his fears down.
Dis grinned at the overemotional parents. "May Mahal bless this beautiful little girl with perpetual health."
Thorin coughed as a suppressed sob climbed up his throat with angry intentions, but gritted his teeth as Eilin was looking at him with baited breath. He forced himself to smile at her.
Eilin's face brightened instantly in response. "Did you hear my love?! She is going to be fine!"
He caressed her temple lovingly as his measured exterior betrayed nothing of the emotional surge that was taking place inside. "I heard alright."
Eilin frowned confused for a few moments. "That's it? You look so unsurprised, so calm..." Eilin muttered and Dis gave her brother a guarded smile.
Thorin grinned at his wife. "I always knew my girl was going to pull through. I never had a doubt, why should this outcome surprise me?" He raised his brow.
A wave of relief washed over Eilin. "I should have listened to you my love. You were so right to trust in her."
Thorin enfolded his wife close to his heart, until he felt her body calming down. When Eilin gave Farin to Dis in order to put Rhianaye on her breast, he admired secretly how his daughter, who used to have a great difficulty latching on, now grabbed Eilin's nipple and absolutely devoured it. He looked eagerly at her tiny fists as they mauled Eilin's skin and how she began gulping down hungrily. The look of tranquility that captivated Eilin's features was enough to twist his heart out of shape and suddenly the royal chambers were not large enough to contain his crowded emotions. He stood up sharply.
Eilin looked up with a troubled frown. "Where are you going?"
He pointed at the door. "I'll be back in a moment, don't worry." His voice was so soothing and untroubled that Eilin's face instantly calmed down.
"Alright my love." She gifted him with a sweet smile and her attention returned once more to her hungry daughter.
Thorin's countenance maintained it's calmness until the door closed behind him. Then everything came crashing down violently. The torrent of emotions hiding behind his controlled countenance now that he knew his daughter was blessedly out of danger was too difficult to stop. He reached out and grabbed the wall for support, then a low groan of pain exploded from his chest. His legs gave way and he sat on his heels allowing his body to empty on the corridor defeated.
Thorin cried hard for all those sleepless nights that he had been counting the breaths of his daughter, not caring that his royal guards were exchanging worried looks for him. He mourned for all those secret prayers he made to the Gods, careful that Eilin wouldn't hear him and for all those nightmarish moments where he woke up certain that Rhianaye had passed away while he was asleep, not giving him the chance to kiss her goodbye. He cried for her bluish skin and her wrinkly skin. For how thin she had been and how unable to keep her eyes open no matter how much he tried to get her attention with his enchanting singing. He cried for the endless times his heart broke apart when he saw Rhianaye unable to feed. He released all the anguish he had felt whenever she fell asleep with her small mouth open releasing shallow difficult breaths, unfed and weak. He cried for all the times he imagined burying his Little Gem down at the vaults in a small marble tomb next to Kili's. He almost lost it completely when he imagined himself taking Rhianaye's old flowers and planting them in a pot with the hope that one day they would bloom.
And now...
...now Rhianaye was screaming with fury against the grip of death, sending the grim reaper running away. Much like her father had done when his men brought him back kicking and screaming from Ravenhill. His wee one showed that she had Thorin's inner strength running in her blood as she fought bravely for her life. That she was here to stay and not only that...she was here to demand a good part of her parent's attention away from her mighty brother. That thought alone was enough to undo every single seam in Thorin's soul and his emotions spilled out of him in uncontrollable waves of solace and happiness. He didn't know how long he remained there crying, when a soft hand landed on his shoulder and made him look up.
Dis was gazing at him with tears in her eyes. "You didn't want Eilin to see you break down..." she stated.
He shook his head and cupped his mouth.
Dis kneeled down in front of him and grasped his knees affectionately. "Your daughter battled through this like a true warrior. She's going to be fine...rejoice my heart." She whispered at him.
His trembling lips parted and his eyes filled with fresh tears.
She reached out to pull him in gently, but he took her by surprise when he engulfed her fiercely. He grabbed onto her as if she was his life line and buried his head on her shoulder. Usually it was Thorin that always held Dis through her breakdowns, so for her these shifting roles betrayed how much all this had affected her always composed brother. Dis held him firmly, until the shaking of his body began calming down. Only when his rattling breaths on her neck became softer and quieter did she allow her body to relax slightly. Before drawing away from her, he placed a warm kiss on her cheek.
"Thank you." His voice was abused.
Dis cleared several wet black strands of hair away from his face and smiled. "Your nose is stuffy, your eyes bloodshot and your face is red. She's going to know that you have been crying your eyes out."
Thorin wiped his cheeks away with the back of his head. "I won't go in, until she's asleep. Can you check?"
Dis scrounged her lips. "Stay here."
Thorin nodded and as Dis went into his rooms he rubbed his face, trying to shed away this deterioration and regain his famous control. A control that his daughter easily threw out the window. Something he was sure Durin would be able to do with the same uncanny ability if he ever tried. If there was someone who could make him loose the earth from right under his feet, those were his children. He vaguely wondered if Thrain had ever felt like this for him and his siblings when his sister opened up the door and beckoned him inside. He sneaked a look at his snoring wife, who had a cosily sleeping Rhianaye in her arms. Durin was fussing in his cradle.
Thorin tiptoed and stood above his son. His sister rounded the bed and took Rhianaye carefully from Eilin's tired arms. She placed the baby on her shoulder and held the back of her head protectively. "The little one ate a lot wolf. So much that I had to change her twice. Come listen to how well she's breathing." Dis beckoned him close.
Thorin leaned his head on the back of his daughter and closed his eyes. He lingered above her for what seemed like forever, forgetting of everything else as he admired how silent and clear her breathing was. Not once, not twice, but many times over did he sigh deeply along his daughter and he wasn't in a hurry to pull away. He was just considering how feasible it was for him to sleep with his head on his daughter's back tonight, when Durin crushed that dream for him. Thorin looked down at his fussy son and walked over to take him.
"Did you enjoy the silence of her breathing?" Dis grinned with satisfaction. All the fatigue was erased from her face now.
Thorin picked up his son and placed him on his shoulder. He looked down at Dis with tears in his eyes. "If this is what it feels like to agonise over the health of your child, I don't know if Mahal blessed me with fatherhood, or cursed me." He said feeling humbled by that monumental experience.
Dis gave him the sweetest smile and walked around to place Rhianaye in the cradle. "He blessed you wolf...never doubt that."
Thorin kissed his boy's head gently. "Thank you for being here gerbil."
Dis smiled sweetly at him. "You cannot imagine how relieved I am here to help with your children, instead of agonising over another deadly wound on your body."
He snorted and buried his nose on his son's neck, delighting at his amazing scent. He suddenly wished to engulf the poor child in him, as a strong wave of protectiveness rushed over him, making his body break out in goosebumps and he had to force himself not to squeeze poor Durin to suffocation. "It almost feels like my heart is going to explode." He whispered.
Dis' eyes burned when she looked down at the cradle where the baby girl was sleeping peacefully. "Your heart belongs to your children now. It has left your body forever wolf and now it is next to your children. It is going to march proudly next to your son during his first battle, and it will raise the sword with him. It is going to stand next to your daughter when she receives her first kiss and skirt for her. It will experience everything for them, more fiercely than you will ever expect. May Mahal never curse you to live through the death of your children...for then part of your heart, if not all of it, will die with them."
Thorin closed his eyes and buried his nose next to Durin's ear, inhaling deeply. "May Mahal bless me to die before my children. Only now I understand what Thrain went through when Frerin died..." -he paused and looked at Dis intensely- "What you have been through."
Dis smiled bitterly at her brother and then caressed Rhianaye's soft black curly hair. "Your mind will implode just at the prospect of thinking of such a tragedy, never mind experiencing something so awful. Don't do this to yourself please."
Two tears run down Thorin's nose and he looked at her steadily. "I love you."
Dis wiped her tears away and waved him off. "I know you do and I always loved you since I was born. Even when I was punching and kicking you away from me."
Thorin closed his eyes. "I know gerbil."
Durin who had been groaning and moaning up till then suddenly erupted into a full blow cry. His small hands grabbed fistfuls of his father's tunic as if he wanted to relate somehow the pain he was experiencing in his belly now that his dad was there holding him. Dis looked up from the cradle with a frown. "Your poor wife is totally exhausted and Rhianaye needs some sleep too. Farin ate well and I changed him. He's colicky again. Take him out to calm him down."
Thorin frowned. "Where should I take him?"
Dis waved her hands nervously. "I don't know...walk him around the stronghold, just don't let him wake everyone up in here!"
Thorin looked at his daughter and then quickly picked up the black sling his sister had made him which bore the Longbeard sigil on it's hem in golden runes. Then he rushed out of the room and closed the door behind him. He stood outside for a moment bewildered as Durin began a high-pitched crying that echoed in the corridor and was sure to wake up everyone soon. Thorin gazed at the guards for a few confused moments and gave the sling to one of them. "Hold this!" He commanded.
The guard changed hands for his axe and held the sling like a treasure until Thorin placed the boy on his chest. Then he took the sling from the guard and wore it around his shoulder. He tied a knot at the side of his waist and then dashed quickly away from his rooms in order to allow Eilin and Rhianaye some well deserved sleep.
He didn't know for how long he had been walking around, breaking through the silence of his ancient stronghold by the loud pitched crying of his boy, but he didn't see many commoners. Those who did see him from afar, bowed at the King and the prince of Erebor, feeling in awe that they were the first ones who got a glimpse of the mighty heir to the throne of the North. Thorin ended up in the King's Hall were for as long time he went around in circles, bouncing Durin under the heavy curtains that still bore Smaug's claw mark in order to soothe him down. Then he decided to go out to the grant antechamber and ordered the guards to open the doors so some fresh air could cool down his boy, but it was to no avail. He walked back to the Royal antechambers with the statues of his forefathers and the golden floor he stained when he melted Thror's statue and tried to show Durin his reflection, but the boy cried even louder than before. He walked up to the throne room and pointed at the Arkenstone asking Durin if he wanted to play with it, but the baby boy could barely see his own father through his blurry vision, never mind the King's Gem. Finally Thorin gave up and decided to take Durin to the top most rampart in order to keep the echoes of his crying as far away from the enclosure of his kingdom as possible. He stood up there, looking at the darkness of the sky and feeling the soft breeze blowing his wavy mane away from his face. He never stopped bouncing, cooing or singing softly at Durin who seemed inconsolable. Just when Thorin's nerves were beginning to twitch by his inability to calm down his son, Roac landed on the bastions and cawed in salutation to the prince. The moment Roac's majestic caw echoed in the valley, Durin's purple face stopped it's agonising screams and looked around with his huge blue eyes searching for the source of that sound.
Thorin's brows raised eagerly and his lips parted. "Do it again." He asked Roac and the crow cawed once more, making Durin giggle.
Thorin smiled widely. "You are saving my life right now. Call on him again." He looked at his old friend and moved Durin so he could look at the impressive black bird.
Roac began hoping left and right on the bastions. Whenever he heard that Durin was about to break into a cry again he cawed and the boy stopped and giggled. So Roac played around the boy for a long time and as his father bounced him and the shadow of that black bird made him smile and forget his pain, slowly Durin's eyes closed down. Soon enough he was sleeping safely in his father's arms. Thorin looked at Roac with a wistful smile. "My mother used to take me to the forges to calm me down. I'm going to bring Durin over to you so you can do the same for him. Thank you my friend."
Roac released another caw that echoed majestically at the dark valley beneath and then settled down next to the King of the North, keeping him silent company. Thorin remained in the top rampart holding his son as he slept calmly until dawn started to break and he didn't dare make a single move that would end up waking him up again. He preferred to feel all his extremities numbing down than disturb Durin's peaceful rest. That is when suddenly the massive golden bells chimed the calling of the day straight behind Thorin's balcony and the King jerked visibly shaken.
He gazed apprehensively down at his son who moved annoyed. Thorin turned to the guards who stood at the flanks of his balcony. "Go and tell the bell master to stop it right now! If he wakes up the prince I am going to shave his beard and cut off all his warrior braids!" He barked angrily. One would have thought that Thorin's thundering voice would have woken Durin up, but instead the boy grabbed a fistful of Thorin's tunic and settled down to a deep sleep again, comforted by his father's familiar rich tone.
The guards presented arms, causing a racket of their own and Thorin's voice hissed. "Don't do that! Keep it down for heaven's sake!" -He chastised his soldiers who froze in pure terror. Thorin exhaled angrily through his nose- "Did I tell you to present arms?"
The guards looked each other in dread and shook their heads.
"What did I tell you to do?" Thorin's voice was crawling with suppressed fury.
One of the guards replied nervously. "To tell the bell master to silence the bells?"
"What are you still doing here then, pissing me off?!" Thorin snapped, but Durin remained unaffected.
One of the guard presented arms silently and the other rushed down the stairs to do the King's bidding.
Thorin bellowed after him. "If I hear any trumpets or bells until further command I will shave off the whole army, not just the bell master!" His deep voice resonated through the tall cavern and the guard next to him quivered in his boots. Durin on the other hand was snoring with his mouth half open. Thorin's large palm covered his son's back protectively and then he returned to his beloved balcony overlooking his vast lands with Roac by his side. A soft smile dawned on his mouth now that he knew that no one was going to disturb the sleep of his children.
That is how the bells of Erebor silenced for the first time since Thorin Oakenshield reclaimed his homeland...or better yet since the legendary King of the North became a father.
A/N:
*Borrowed a few words from (Elysion-the promise.)
-I have finished the story behind the scenes, so expect the uploads to be more often until I manage to bring to you the remaining five chapters. For those who made it this far, enjoy what is left of this for it is not much *.*
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