"I LOVE YOU BECAUSE THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONSPIRED TO HELP ME FIND YOU" –The Alchemist

Dinah Laurel Lance

Reading this fine print on page 20 out of 45 isn't helping to ease the harsh pounding in my head. How Laurel Lance of this Earth willingly managed to do this for years is a mystery I've yet to solve.

I remember the time when I used to be on the other side of the law; the side where I was the one restricted by handcuffs, drowned by sins, choked by blood. The time that I threw away and replaced for something boring and mundane.

For Quentin. For my dad. To survive.

For the first time in an hour, I look away from the black on white and close my eyes, seeing green spots dance in the darkness of my closed lids. And when I open my eyes a second later, the world seems too bright, too sunny, too happy.

The thought reminds me of a time when I was happy; when I was bright and sunny. A time when I appreciated the good in the world.

Putting my hands into the pocket of my jeans, I pull out my phone. Removing the plain black case uncovers the folded photograph underneath; the photograph that has creases, and burnt edges and soot all over. The photograph that has travelled to cities and countries and earths. The photograph that witnessed the crying and suffering of a little girl who just wanted her family back.

The door bursts open before I can unfold the memory, and I flip my phone over and hide my vulnerability before Felicity Smoak can see it.

I look at the time and then at her, "Aren't you supposed to be on your way to pick up your husband?"

She bends her knees awkwardly before nodding her head, "I told Dig to pick me up here. You know, just in case there is some last minute legal stuff I need to know. Is there some last minute legal stuff I need to know?"

I've never lacked perceptiveness, not even when I shut off every emotion I had and replaced it with ice-cold shards that were capable of nothing but destruction. I'm perceptive enough to know that the reason why Felicity Smoak is here is not that of her lack of insight on the legal matter of this case. The question is whether I'm going to do something about it.

For Quentin. For Dad. For survival.

"You know, when my mom visited us for the first time since the divorce, I asked my boss to give me a longer shift that day so that I would have to face her." I finally say, opening a box that I haven't opened since Quentin died.

Felicity shakes her head in denial, "I'm not here because I don't want to face Oliver."

I remove myself from my plush chair and make my way around the large oak table, "And I didn't work for an extra hour because I didn't want to see my mom."

While there are some similarities I found between Felicity Smoak and the girl I used to be, her willingness to open up is not one of them.

She plops herself on the white couch of my office and pieces together bits and pieces of her thoughts, "Everything is different. Star City is different. Dig is different. The team is different. I'm different. I've done stuff that I would not have even thought of doing eight months ago."

"You're scared that Oliver won't like the new you. You're scared Oliver isn't going to accept the new you."

I remember thinking the same thing every time I killed someone. I remember thinking that my dad and Sara would be ashamed to call me family.

But my dad and Sara were not this Earth's Oliver Queen. And I am not Felicity Smoak.

It's this understanding that prompts me to exclaim, "Did you lose your IQ from Hope Springs to Star City or what?"

Her head, which was bowed down in nervousness and stress up until now, shoots up, and her eyes glint to showcase that she is about to defend herself.

I don't let her.

I seat myself on the plush couch across from her so that my entire attention is focused on the scared blonde in front of me.

"You know, I'm actually surprised you didn't ask me more about the Felicity Smoak of my earth. I thought you'd be more curious."

Her brows scrunch in confusion, "What does that have to do with anything?"

At her question, I open the box that I haven't touched or thought of since I came to this Earth, maybe even longer.

"I met Oliver Queen, the Oliver Queen of my earth when I was 10. I was being bullied for not being rich enough to afford the sneakers all the other girls wore and Oliver and Tommy stood up for me."

"Hey, stop laughing at her," The boy with the bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair had yelled at the group of girls. The boy with the messy dark hair had held out his hand and smiled. It was kind and sincere, the kind of smile her daddy gave her and her sister and her mommy. So she took his hand and he pulled her up.

The boy with the dark hair smiled wider, "Hi. I'm Tommy. This is Oliver. We're going to protect you from now on."

"And they did. They protected me from everything; bullies, teachers, trouble, pain. They even tried to protect me from heartbreak." I feel a smile threaten to break out at the thought.

I look at Felicity, glad to see her entranced by the story; entranced by the story of another version of the man she loves, "Oliver tried to protect me from everything. It's funny now, looking back that he failed to protect me from the one thing that could have actually hurt me. He couldn't, and wouldn't, protect me from Felicity. In hindsight, I realize that he never wanted to."

Felicity looks shocked at the statement. Maybe it's because she wasn't aware of the fact that her doppelganger's life crossed paths with Oliver's or maybe it's because I indicate no bitterness when talking of her. Whatever the reason is, I see that I've piqued her interest further, which means that there is no closing the box on my end.

"Felicity Smoak of my Earth met Oliver Queen on a bright sunny day similar to this. She was an intern at Queen Consolidated and Oliver...was Oliver Queen, a business major."

"Felicity Smoak?"

Oliver Queen was surprised to see that instead of some mousy computer geek, the woman behind the desk was a beautiful blonde woman, with clear blue eyes and bright purple lips holding a green pen in her mouth. Her eyes had widened comically when she looked up and had realized that her future boss was in front of her desk.

"Mr. Queen. You're here. I mean, of course you're here, it's your company."

For the first time in a very long time, Oliver was genuinely surprised and amused. "Can I have a few moments of your time? I lost an important presentation and I can't figure out how to retrieve it." He didn't know what had prompted him, but something about this woman had made him want to give her all the respect she deserved.

She had pulled the pen out of her mouth and had pushed away folders and files to the corner of her desk, "I'm all yours." She shook her head as her cheeks flamed red, "Not yours, yours. I'm not coming onto you or anything. I didn't mean that in a sexual manner, I just mean that..." She had closed her eyes in utter embarrassment and didn't get to see the fond look in Oliver's.

"Little did anyone know that you, the Earth 2 you, would be on the receiving end of that fond look for years. Oliver always had a soft spot for Felicity, ever since the first time those two met."

Felicity speaks up for the first time since I started, "When Oliver met me for the first time he made me retrieve files from a bullet-holed laptop. Then he kept coming back for more help." Her smile turns nostalgic and I feel a feeling in the pits of my stomach; the feeling I've been starting to feel recently. A feeling of self-satisfaction.

"There was a Christmas party organized by Queen Consolidated. Everyone attended. Sara, who Felicity were friends with, by the way, dragged her along."

"Sara, you cannot force me to a party and then disappear! Everyone, who I do not know, by the way, keeps wishing me a Merry Christmas. Do you want to know how I know they don't know me? They keep wishing me Merry Christmas. I am Jewish!" Felicity Smoak had yelled into the phone, the voicemail stretching in duration.

When she had looked up it was to bright, blue eyes; the same eyes that had asked for her help weeks ago and had rendered her speechless.

"Felicity Smoak," It was surprising to her that Oliver Queen remembered her name. Typically, people brushed her off as the smart IT Geek who got things done.

Oliver Queen had taken the IT geek in. It was no longer suitable for him to call her an IT Geek. She was beautiful the first time he had met her but wearing a gold dress with her matching hair in curls had made her look more so.

"Mr. Queen," The name had fallen instinctively from her lips and at the disapproving tilt of his head Felicity had corrected herself, "I meant to say, Oliver."

"Hey! Smoaky, watcha doing here!" Tommy's loud voice had interrupted their awkward conversing and Oliver had looked between the two of them confusedly.

"You two know each other?" He had asked, feeling a weird tingle in his stomach at the thought of Tommy knowing Felicity for years. It wasn't right of him, he was already in a relationship, and so he had deduced the feeling to pettiness over not being involved in a small aspect of Tommy's life.

"Not really. Sara took me to her when I had computer troubles. Then we met at Sara's birthday party. And then we bumped to each other at Big Belly. But she certainly didn't smile at me the way she smiles at you Ollie," Tommy had teased.

At the comment, Felicity had spluttered the drink she was helping herself to, and Oliver, the gentleman he was, had offered her his handkerchief, his smile widening further when he spotted the constant reddening of her cheeks.

Tommy, seemingly unaware of the intense eye lock between the two, had offered, "How about we ditch this stupid party and get ourselves some Big Belly Burger. Real food."

Oliver had looked at Felicity, "You in?" His were pleading and he didn't know why at the time, but he wasn't willing to let the opportunity to get to know Felicity Smoak slip away.

And Felicity Smoak, for the first of many times, had found herself unable to say no to Oliver Queen, especially when he was looking at her like that.

"And that's how the two of them became the best of friends. Oliver enjoyed Felicity's babble and ability to see the best in him, and she enjoyed they way Oliver was the first person to ever really listen and hear her. Felicity saw a side of Oliver none of us ever saw; a side of him none of us ever got to see."

"Their friendship lasted for years. It strengthened and tightened to a point where they could practically read each other's thoughts. Felicity was the first person that Oliver would go to when things got difficult and Oliver was the first person Felicity would go to when she needed to breathe."

Felicity looks hesitant when she asks her next question; hesitant for good reason, "What about you and Oli..."

"We still dated," I say simply. "It was always on and off and Oliver and Felicity had made it very clear to me and the guys Felicity dated that the two of them were purely platonic. I suppose it was that constant repetition of that lie that allowed the two of them to lie to themselves for a year."

Felicity smiles that same nostalgic smile once again, "Just like me and Oliver,"

Although I only know the brief rundown, the part where Oliver and Felicity had pined for each other for over a year did not escape the debrief I received from Cayden James.

"Their love was also so obvious that everyone started to see it. The lingering touches and looks, the heartbreak etched on both their faces whenever either of them brought a date to a party. It was the tension between the two of them that eventually turned into awkwardness. Turned into a point where conversation was no longer easy between the two of them."

I take in a deep breath, the contents of the box marked Oliver nearing its end,

"I broke up with Oliver on grey, cloudy day. It was a decision that I didn't even have to think about. It was a decision that came as easy to me as breathing. I suppose that was how I knew that no matter what, even if you weren't in the picture, Oliver and I were not meant to be."

"I'm sorry," Oliver had told her. His eyes looking remorseful and guilty. Guilty for something that was beyond his control.

She had smiled, remembering the boy who promised to protect her all her life. The boy who had tried his best to honour that promise and had succeeded, for the most part, "Don't be. This is the best thing for the two of us. It's the best thing for you. It's the best thing for me."

She has paused, unsure of whether she should say the next thing that had come into her mind.
She said it anyway, thinking that no harm could have been done by doing so,

"When you come back, make sure you tell Felicity you love her," She had told him.

His eyes had widened in surprise but then softened, focusing on a point behind her, and she immediately knew what, more accurately who, it was.

Oliver had pulled her in for a hug before whispering, "I'll do you one better and tell her right now,"

"And he did," I continue, relishing the shock on Felicity's face. I suppose no one told her about the complex relationship of their doppelgangers.

I clench my fists as I scramble for the last pieces of the "Oliver" box, "You had your first kiss at the harbour on a grey, cloudy day in front of the Queen's Gambit."

A tear instantly forms and drops from Felicity's eyes as she anticipates the direction of the story, but I opened my box of memories, and I will not be satisfied until I let it all out.

"It was also your last kiss. It was the last time the world saw Oliver Queen. He died on that boat and you, who had no one but Oliver, shut down. You froze your heart, built Smoak Technologies and became untouchable."

The room is bathed in silence. The kind of silence that is neither comfortable nor welcome. The silence that John Diggle breaks when he barges into the room and collects Felicity Smoak to reunite her with the man she loves, the man that loves her back.

The silence that I cannot remove myself out of. The kind of heartbreaking, gut-wrenching silence that prompts me to return to my desk, to where my phone lies on top of the only tangible piece of the girl I used to be.

And when I finally unfold the paper after ten years, I don't try to stop the tears that fall down my eyes and onto the photograph.

The last photograph I took with my family. It was during Sara's birthday party, on a bright, sunny, summer day. There's a table with the birthday cake and several presents and us standing behind it; me, dad, mom, Oliver, Tommy, Felicity and Sara.

I've looked at this photo several times and somehow, up until now, I've never noticed a crucial aspect that resides in this single artifact.

During the shot, Oliver had cracked a joke in Felicity's ear; one of their inside jokes that no one ever understood, and because of that, Felicity had tilted her head up at her then best friend and laughed. Oliver had laughed back, his eyes glinting with the kind of happiness no one but Felicity Smoak could induce.

And I realize, after all this time, after telling Felicity Smoak of this Earth the story of my Oliver and Felicity, that the look Oliver and Felicity give each other in this photo is not one of friendship but of love. It has always been love.

And I acknowledge the truth that I've been subconsciously aware of for a long time. The truth that I realize after spilling the memories I never wanted to return to just to make Felicity Smoak feel better.

I'm not doing this whole 'being good thing' for survival. I'm not doing just for Quentin Lance who sacrificed his life for me.

I'm doing it for my sister. I'm doing it for Tommy Merlyn, the boy who always helped me up. I'm doing it for Oliver Queen, the boy who always protected me. I'm doing it for Felicity Smoak, the girl who lost her whole world in a single boat accident.

I'm doing it for myself; for the girl who was happy, bright, and kind.

Oliver and Felicity's love made me realize that.

"YOU DON'T FIND LOVE, IT FINDS YOU. IT'S GOT A LITTLE TO DO WITH DESTINY, FATE AND WHAT'S WRITTEN IN THE STARS." –Anais Nin

Dinah Lance has known for a very long time that Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak are meant to be; in every timeline, in every earth, despite any circumstance.