My Favourite Broken Heart
ATTENTION – TRIGGER WARNING: I am going to be touching upon some sensitive health situations as discussed in previous chapters. please be advised.
A/N: I would like to explain Amy's behaviour in regards to the last chapter. Some have expressed their dislike to her behaviour, but I'd like you to consider her personality traits as someone who is shy and reserved, and doesn't like confrontations unless it's to stand up for someone she loves. While the later counts for Serena, as her friend, don't forget the bonds of friendship. Serena is going through something personal, which she hasn't broadcasted to everyone around her, so THE LAST thing she would want, is for Amy to go and explain how things are which meant sharing personal information about Serena. So how Amy acted, staying out of the gossip and not making things worst – both by causing some misunderstanding or letting slip personal stuff about Serena without her consent. People who gossip never have the full story, and misconstrue information. Also why Serena didn't go off at her friend not acting in a different manner.
Chapter 3
"Molly," I yelled as I witness short red curls turn a corner. I picked up my pace, "Molly," I yelled again before I turned the corner. Gosh she better not be running away from me, or heads will be rolling! I was not in a good mood after talking to some of the nurses earlier this morning.
Yes I was pissed off. I had casually bumped into a few nurses, and I could tell by their glares and diverted eyes exactly what was on their minds! Clearly some had heard some negative gossip, hence the glares. Those who weren't sure where to advert their eyes from me were chosen to answer my questions, with some underlying pressure from me to answer honestly.
So far I had learnt that someone was disgruntled at me because I never acknowledged him – what childish behaviour. Well, two people were disgruntled at me. Mr Chiba and Melvin. Apparently Melvin had told a few nurses that Mr Chiba and I 'went back'. Of course the ambiguity of it all got misconstrued. And with Mr Chiba confirming we knew each other, but I was now ignoring him… enter the negative gossip. Apparently we had a very messy break up and hate each other so much – but since I am the one ignoring, apparently it was my fault for the break up…? yeah, don't ask me how the hell THAT works in their pea sized brains. That's logic for you!
"Oh hey, Serena," the high-pitched screech of Molly's voice hit me first. ON instincts I wanted to cover my eyes, but of course I did not! Molly and I go way back, I'm sure I explained this, and I love her like a sister, but damn! Not only was her voice high pitched, but nasial as well. "How have you been girl? Oh, my goodness, I heard the most bazaar thing the other day Serena. All this gossip about your old relationship with Darien, can you believe! Of all things. Oh, I can't believe he's back in Tokyo. Have you spoken to each other yet? Oh, …"
"MOLLY!" I squealed as I grabbed her shoulders in a rush to get her to stop talking. The woman never took a breath or stopped chatting. Her train of though jumped so quickly from one topic to the next. "What are people saying about me?"
She looked at me a bit taken back, but preceded in her normal fashion, "Well, I heard from some of the nurses that you have been completely rude and cold since, 'you-know-who' came to town." I loved Molly's hand and facial expressions she gave while explaining gossip. "Of course though, it doesn't help that both Melvin and Darien have been telling people of your past 'history'. Very ambiguous, so a lot of gossip as to what that 'history' is," she gave me a wink. At least I know Molly hasn't told anyone we used to date than. "However, Darien has been complaining, a lot actually, how you have been ignoring him. Now, since a lot of the girls around have a little crush on Mr Handsome, of course they are siding with him and making negative stories about you honey. But don't you worry girl. I have been setting them right and telling them to mind their own B's and Q's when it comes to you… or whatever that saying is!" Now that's my friend.
"Thanks Mol," I gave her a smile. I knew she would never betray me in order to gain gossip status. Molly was someone everyone warmed up to and liked. Besides her voice, there wasn't anything not to like about her! She was silly in a sincere way, but that was part of her charm that made you felt invited to share your deepest and darkest secrets with her, and still feel safe and secure knowing she would never betray your trust.
"You know Serena, it wouldn't hurt if you know, waved the white flag around. Both you and Darien have matured and became different people since high school." I'm sure I just gave her a dirty look, "I mean, just at work you know. You don't have to be pals and chat, but just acknowledge him as a human. Might do you both some good, and put a stop to some of these rumours?" I was quiet as I listened to her. "Oh shoot," her buzzer was going off, "I need to do some med deliveries."
She did have a point. Which was the whole issue of why I was now the target for glares and baseless gossip. "I'll think about it Molly," I gave her a smile. "I gotta get going too," I gave a small waved and started to walked off with my thoughts.
"Catch ya later Serena," I heard in the background of my thoughts.
It was funny how even mature aged women could be so fickle and childish. Just like being back in high school. These women had a massive crush on the new guy, and without knowing anything, were happy to aim their fire on me. Probably in hopes he might acknowledge them and they could finally have an interaction with him. It really made me realise how age really can't determine how we act in social groups and social norms. How a bunch of single women around a single attractive male, all act the same no matter what. Just when you thought there was some hope in society and people maturing with age… workplace politics steps in and throws a whole new precedence at you about behaviour regardless of age. That's probably why this whole situation was grinding my gears worst than normal. The expectation of mature aged women to be that! Mature!
But I still didn't get any definite answers from Molly. Clearly the whole gossip around me was very ambiguous and illogical. So Perhaps I had to swallow my pride and go direct to the horses mouth? Maybe get him to talk about what he's telling people to give them the wrong negative ideas about me? Just the thought of having to approach him on my own was making me shake. This was definitely not going to be an easy feat by any measure!
How do you approach someone like him? I don't even really know what my issue was. My issue. I was the one with an issue. I have been the one avoiding him… and yet he was still able to make nods in the hallways, and leave the door open for me at the café… Logically, I don't know why I thought he was this monster in my head that was going to belittle me and make me cry? It probably doesn't help that every time I see him or think about him I automatically go back to that teenage girl who just had her heart ripped out. Maybe it was just a conditioned response and thought pattern I had somehow developed? If he meant me ill will, than he wouldn't have gone out of his way to be nice and behaviour like a gentleman? But it was the work setting, and people watching in the hallways and café?
I was getting really conflicted internally about approaching him. I had wasted nearly my whole day over thinking and over processing my thoughts and ideas about how to approach him. What would I say? How would I act? Do I be mean to make it clear that I'm in no mood to be played with? Or do I act polite and suck up to get him to spill? But than wouldn't that be demeaning and a complete 360 after my behaviour? I wanted to bang my head on the wall. Would I even have the courage to approach him? Probably not, let's be honest. I've been avoiding him because I am a coward who doesn't want to face the past, little lone face him. I was being very childish and immature I know. But I really couldn't help myself. I felt scared and nervous around him. Plus, I was sweating like a ball on fire. My insides were turning themselves out the more I thought about ways to approach him. I needed to suck it up and get it done. If I ever wanted to clear up this misunderstanding and create a healthy environment for me to work in, this needed to be done. I could go home and cry about it later.
But someone must have been hearing my pleas. I'm a firm believer that things happen on their own, and things happen for a reason. And I guess this must have needed to happen, cause while walking through the hallways, a certain someone appeared in my vision. Suddenly my thoughts on how to approach the situation changed to my appearance and the fact I was sweating enough to fill an entire olympic sized swimming pool. I don't even know why my thoughts changed and why I cared so much about how I suddenly looked. It's like I wanted to impress him at all. I just wanted to pretend he didn't exist and live my life as normal as possible.
Swallowing hard, I looked up and we suddenly we made eye contact. I was firm in myself, I would acknowledge him and suggest we talk somewhere private. But before I knew it he dismissed contact and strode right passed me. I don't even have to explain that I was at boiling point and ready to explode. How dare he! When people made contact it was a pretty classic sign that something needed to be said? Right? He was just being rude to me?
I stomped my foot and done a 180, striding in his direction. If it was possible, I'm sure steam would be coming out of my ears and fire breath from my growling mouth. I probably wasn't gentle, but I grabbed his arm and jerked him to face me. Poking my finger square in the middle of his chest I growled through gritted teeth, " . .!"
His expression was shock – sure weren't expecting me to take charge were ya buddy! But in a split moment, his face relaxed and was hard to read. Classic Darien. Showing his emotions was never really one of his strong suits. He cleared his throat in hopes I would remove my finger. Which I obliged, it was kind of hurting from the force I used. "Follow me to my office," was all he said as he turned and walked away.
I get it, best not to have this quarrel in the middle of the corridor for everyone to hear and see. So I followed. I used this time to try and calm myself down. I wanted to have an adult conversation, and that required me to be pleasant enough. He was standing with his office door open while I walked through the threshold. It was the same size and layout as my office. He had been there nearly a month now, and still hadn't really personalised his office. I heard the door close and turned around to see him staring at me with his arms crossed, and the classic scowl over his features. I couldn't help but notice how tight his coat was around his biceps. Oh lord, I can't believe I just looked at him like that! But then again, he was always a mighty fine specimen, and I could at least appreciate that, right? Not like I'd ever admit to him though!
Okay, I was a little more than extremely nervous! I was kind of hoping he would have started the conversation, but he was just standing there staring at me. So I guess that would have been too much to ask for right? I mustered up all my strength and swallowed hard, "I wanted to talk with you," I managed calmly as I turned around and made myself confortable in his room. Okay, I was freaking out and needed a distraction, so I was grabbing and looking at everything I could that was on his desk.
"What? You're not ignoring me anymore?" I could feel the sarcasm dripping off every syllable. The smoothness of his voice just made it that much cruel. It literally had a shiver going down my back! Or maybe the shiver was the fact I could feel him right behind me. He grabbed the papers I had just picked up from his desk with a little force and placed them back on his desk. Lucky I wasn't holding tight, or they would have ripped. Things probably would have gone pretty deep south if that happened.
But why was he not moving? Why was he so close to me? I took a deep breath and looked up to meet his cold blue eyes, "I don't know as to what you're referring," my eyes flicked to the light above his head as I took a calming breath, "But I have some serious issues I need to talk to you about!" My voice was matter-of-factly, and stern. Internally I felt everything was ready to collapse. But I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of thinking I was a weak person and his presence looming over me could break me!
A small smile played at his lips as he nodded his head and leaned against his office desk. How could he be so damn cool and collect? Something I had always admired about him… but right now it was irking me off like a ticking bomb! I was just about to say something when he cut me off, "Well, you are the psychologist here. I'm just a doctor. SO I don't know if I can help with those issues." I was just about ready to open my mouth in protest before he laughed and continued to speak, "It's a joke Serena. But I assume then, this has nothing to do with the fact you have been ignoring me than?"
God how I wanted to roll my eyes. Drama Queen. Heaven forbid a woman actually doesn't see how crazy fudging hot you are! Oh lord I didn't say that! I take it back! Arg! Just standing here so close and looking into those midnight eyes bought back so many memories. ABORT! Abort! I needed to take a step back and get some real space between us. Focus on the fact he just tried to joke with you! Now that was peaking my anger again. Blue eyes be gone!
What I really needed was to slap myself. This inner turmoil will have me placed in a psych ward soon! Not to mention the uncomfortable silence was sickening now! I could see his smiling features slowly turn into a scowl. Stop judging me you sly dog!
"The Gossip, Mr Chiba, The gossip!" I spat quickly. Short, sweet, and to the point! Crisis averted? Arg! This was not going as well as I imaged. But at least I managed to get away from his towering frame and started to snoop through files he had on his filing cabinet. Just keep breathing deep and don't make eye contact. Everything will be fine Serena.
From the corner of my eye I noticed the scowl was replaced by another smile as a short chuckled was released into the silence. With a nod, he spoke, "So, what gossip is it you are referring to? Cause I actually actively participate in it. So you might have to be a bit clearer and explain exactly what gossip," he replied as he grabbed the files from hands again, and happened to be right by my side again.
It was kind of annoying. It's not like I was actually looking for information… oh goodness, he doesn't think I have an ulterior motive here? Pfft, no way! He still sees me as that inconsistent and unpredictable teenager. But suppose I should be clear that it's not information about his work or patients that I need. Just play it cool, and be confident. "Darien," I started as I grabbed the files back and casually chucked them back on his cabinet like they held no interest to me. Which left him utterly shocked. I wish I could have taken a photo of his shocked face. So I guess that counts as one score to me. Maybe it was my tone as well? I had lowered my voice a bit and tried to sound casual. Plus I don't think he ever expected me to call him by his first name, at least not so soon. "We're adults, and we should be acting civilised. So you win. We got off on the wrong foot, and I guess my behaviour has been a little… rude, for lack of a better word." I laughed. I wanted to break this tension between us and really get down to the issue, so I took Molly's advice and waved my white flag. I felt pathetic, but this was my workplace too, and I needed to sort out the issues around me.
While I took the opportunity to made some distance between us, he took the opportunity to speak, "Okay," it was slow and drawn out. His eyes were burning into me like I was joking about what I had just said. "So what does that have to do with gossip?" he looked genuinely confused. Typical guy being aloof to women and gossip. This hospital was practically run by the nurses and admin staff… it was a women's world here!
Satisfied I was at maximum distance away from his I continued, "There's some ambiguous notion of our… 'past' going around which has caused some negative assumptions about 'us'… mainly me," I took the chance to gaze in his direction. He was staring straight at me with full attention. It was kind of weird and unnerving, especially since his face was still void of anything. "I've heard a few nurses admit you have expressed some dissatisfaction about interactions with me, and it's all contributed to negative talk about us. So I just wanted to know exactly what you said, so I can try and clear up some misconceptions and misunderstandings. I have to work here, and I'd rather it be in a healthy environment." I couldn't quiet make eye contact, but my voice was clear and unwavering. I needed him to understand that this was serious, and above all it was for professional reasons.
"I see," I heard him say carefully. I slowly gazed up, and he was still staring directly as me. "I don't actually participate in gossip, but I have had some nurses ask me if I knew you, which I never denied. Just like I don't deny that I admitted I was a bit annoyed by your behaviour. I have an inkling why, but as you mentioned before, we're adults now." That diplomatic, monotone Darien voice wanted me to stab him. But at least he was taking it serious. Small feats Serena!
But he also admitted the truth. As someone who gossiped in high school, I would always believe the person I heard information from and take it as face value. So I guess I knew why the nurses took his side. Besides the fact they wanted to be on his good side in hopes there might ever be a chance. I just expected more from mature aged women I guess. And at least Dairen didn't deny anything and was forth coming with the truth. To be honest, I didn't know what to expect from him. I spent so long worried about what ifs and alternative scenarios that I never really gave it thought that he'd be so straightforward and honest.
"I'll see what I can do, so please don't look so worried and stress about the gossip, okay," I heard his voice break through my thoughts.
"Huh? What?" I looked up towards him. How did he manage to get so close again! Why on earth couldn't he get the message each time I would move away? Men really did work on different wavelengths from women.
"Serena…" he started, and for once he looked away from me. The relief I gained from his eyes not being on me was beyond words. It was clear he was struggling to find the words to say. Which was actually amusing for me to see the struggle on his face, as he was conflicted with himself. The Darien I knew was always composed and knew exactly what to say, all the time. So this was a very pleasant surprise. At least it was reassuring to see this, and know he was actually be serious, and genuine.
"I'll sort it out. Don't worry. It's not entirely your fault people assume things without knowing the full story," I started, but was cut off by Darien's odd behaviour. He had managed to grab my hand as he stood directly in front of me. It was awkward as fudge. At least to me. There was this moment of silence and I swear my heart was going to beat out of my chest. My mind was running rampant trying to figure out why and what he was doing… and maybe contemplating punching him for touching me without my consent. I know it was just my hand, and it was gentle… but it was still my personal space.
"I… Serena… I'm sorry," he managed to sprout out slowly. I really just wanted my hand back already, but he was slowly putting more pressure on his grip. "I didn't realise that things I said would cause issues, or become gossip. I guess I do not understand the politics around here yet. But I promise I will clear this misunderstanding up, I take full responsibility." His voice was low and sincere, and his eyes managed to find their way back onto me.
So… I was still feeling awkward as fudge. And I was totally confused by his 360 emotional declaration. I was starting to get really freaked out by being here alone in his office, especially with him still holding onto my hand and staring at me. I needed to get out. I was feeling so suffocated and my heart was still erratic. Perhaps it was all in my head? I had created this 'Darien' and play-by-play in my head, and it was clearly not what was happening right now!
-BEEP BEEP BEEP- -BEEP BEEP BEEP-
Saved by my alarm! Taking this moment while my alarm took Darien out of his train of thoughts, I yanked my hand from his and fetched my phone from my pocket. "Thanks for the offer, but I really need to go, work to do," I laughed as I quickly skirted around him and got to his office door. "See you around I guess," I offered before leaving and slamming the door behind me. I really don't think I could have left any faster. His face when I left was still frozen in my mind. It like was a child who had his favourite toy taken from him. The sadness that was in his eyes, as he wanted to say something. But he never got the chance because I left in such a hurry. And I'm glad he couldn't say any more.
I'm not entirely sure I wanted to hear what he wanted to say? The past was the past, and I wanted to leave it there. And I didn't want or need his help to deal with the gossip. I could sort that out. But a part of me did want to hear what he wanted to say. I guess I would always have this weak spot for him in my head and heart? But I couldn't afford to get hurt by whatever it was he wanted to say. As far as I know, he could be married and have children.
But the whole interaction we just has felt weird and awkward. Especially towards the end there. Confusing was putting it mildly. But I'm sure it's just because of the 'Darien' my mind had painted, and he turned out to be completely different than what I may have originally thought. But I think I might still try and avoid him… obviously if I can't I will acknowledge him… but I think after what just happened, it'd be for the best to avoid each other and limit our interactions.
And that's exactly what I done. A few weeks had passed since my conversation with Darien, and true to his words, he must have had a few chats with the staff around, because some of the nurses and admin staff actually apologised for their glares. It freaked me out the first time, but made sense when a few of them apologised for misunderstanding the relationship I had with Darien. Which made me wonder what he told them exactly, but I was out of the limelight, and I stopped having so much anxiety about coming to the hospital. Of course I still had some nerves, otherwise I wouldn't have been so proactive in avoiding a run in with someone.
But my routine went back to normal, and I started to show up to work early like I used to as well. It almost felt as if time went back before a certain someone came back to Tokyo, managing to work in the same environment as me. Although our interaction was short, it was enough to clear some of the tension and reservations I had. At least if I couldn't avoid him, I didn't need to be on my tiptoes and unsure how to act. We were civilised, and that was enough for me.
A/N: Sorry it took awhile to upload this chapter :3 I got a message from my library about over due books, so I have been reading like crazy. Which lead to some research... which lead to me to apply to do my Masters Degree... BUT I am back on board with this story and determined to finish it! Just a few more chapters.