My Favourite Broken Heart

ATTENTION – TRIGGER WARNING. mainly earlier chapters... but still, emotional subjects ahead!

*Alas, I do not own SM ether...*

A/N: Thanks for waiting patiently! And thanks so much to everyone who has followed me thus far! Words cannot describe how happy I am that someone is reading my story and liking it. So thank you to everyone! Seriously! Now onwards, the show must go on!

Chapter 5

Thankfully, my original thoughts of that night being long were completely wrong! Yay for me! But it still felt like forever! But I was there for less than an hour. It turned out my father was asleep and my mother wanted to go home and clean up. It was what she done best after all. And yes, I'm being sarcastic there.

I thanked Amy for staying back and being there for me. It turned out she was actually leaving when she heard my fathers name float around the emergency ward and had to confirm. So glad to have a good friend like her. Guess growing up together she seen my parents as family as well.

There were some awkward goodbyes. I could tell my mum wanted to say more, even tried to give me another hug. But she decided to stop herself and forced herself back to my father's room. She was planning on staying the night, which Amy okayed with the nurses. Great to have friends on the inside isn't it?

Sadly I had to come back to the hospital the next day, my fortnightly Thursday. To say the least, I was feeling more nervous than usual. Not only was it another day of avoiding 'you-know-who'… but the idea I'll have to see my mum again, and talk to my father. I was processing all the reasons why he might have wanted to talk to me. But I figured since it wasn't a life ending illness that had him in hospital, it was probably just his excuse to try and make contact.

I got a call from Amy the next morning. She explained that Darien and Melvin gave her the day off. I felt like there was something more she wanted to add, but she kept it short and sweet.

My morning was pretty regular. Because Thursdays were usually my days to book overflow, I could look forward to a half day. It rarely got too busy enough to create a full day of work for me. My plan was to do all my paperwork and that… however when I got back to my office, 'you-know-who' was standing by the door with two coffees in hand. Bet you could tell how lucky I was feeling? Again, sarcasm.

"Dr Chiba," I smiled as I walked to my office door down the small hallway. "For what do I owe this small pleasure of seeing you here?" I gave a little laugh to play off my nerves. I was definitely not expecting to see him there. It was very bizarre. I could feel a wave of heat wash over me. My palms were already sweating like crazy. I noticed my strides got a bit slower and harder to make towards my office door. Oh lord!

"Hey," he looked like a schoolboy with his awkward stance and unsure gaze. "Uh, I just wanted to have a chat," he spoke really fast as he asserted himself off the wall, "I brought coffee," he laughed thrusting the extra cardboard cup towards my direction.

So I guess there was definitely no way to avoid this chat. I wanted to run and scream. Why couldn't someone start a fire or cause a mass alarm? Was this the talk he has been trying so hard to have with me? I guess cornering me so I had no excuse was one way to ensure I couldn't avoid him. Damn it! Guess he really thought about it.

"Coffee," I tried to sound super excited, "thanks," I smiled while grabbing the offered cup that was awkwardly thrust before me. I tried to act cool, but in reality I was probably really rude. I turned my back to him while I unlocked my door with a quick finger scan and throwing my door open. In my nervousness I rushed to my desk and dropped my iPad and phone on my desk and took a quick seat. My legs were going to give out, so my priorities were to be comfortable and don't show how much he affected me… still.

I may have forgotten the situation for a moment in all my nervousness. As soon as I sat down, my head hit the desk and stayed down. It wasn't until I heard someone clear their throat that all thoughts cleared and I stared up with a startled look. How could I forget, even just for a moment? Maybes that's how bad I didn't want to be in this situation?

"Sorry," he put his spare hand up, "must have been a long morning huh?" he said slowly with thought as he stepped into my office and closed the door behind him. Was he waiting all that time for me to invite him in? Oops? Hahaha.

I tried to settle myself and think of an excuse, "More like long night," I offered. I watched for a moment in hopes he would continue, but he was doing what I was doing in his office, snooping! "Sooo," I started. This drew his attention towards me. "I assume you wanted to talk about something?" I tried to act casual. I grabbed the coffee and took a sip. Mhmm, caramel latte… sweet. So he remembered I liked sweet things. I don't know if that was reassuring or if I should worry.

"Well, there is. But since you mentioned long night, I heard about your father, and I'm sorry."

I had to look at him, "sorry for what? It's not like he's dying, anyway."

He opened him mouth to speak but stopped for a short moment, "You haven't seen your parents yet than?"

"Should I have?"

"Umm… Amy did mention that things weren't 100% with you and your parents…" he paused again, but he looked like he was deep in thought, "but…" he looked like he was choosing the words to say, "I actually wanted to talk about something else…" He looked at me for brief moment before looking elsewhere, "I guess Amy may not have mentioned, but Melvin and I took Amy off your father's chart."

"Why would you do that? She's a family friend? We grew up together. My mother would be delighted to know my father is getting the best care possible." I don't know why I was getting offensive… but than again it was a little weird? Was he trying to get closer to my family? Why? Did he turn axe-murderer? Should I be filing a complaint… should I get a restraining order?

"Serena?" I looked up and was taken back by a hand being placed on my arm, "Are you alright?" he was looking at me with concern, a little too close to me. How did he get over to me behind my desk so quickly?

"Yeah," I nervously stuttered as I pushed my chair back a bit. Very smooth. If I wanted him to know I didn't want him around me before, I'm sure he just got the memo. And I'm positive he did cause he moved back quickly with a short sorry. "So why can't Amy look after my father? And isn't he going home today anyway?"

He gave me a firm look for a second, "We thought considering she's done a few, well a lot of overtime, we deserved a short break. Plus your fathers results this morning came back not so positive. We done a couple more and your father needs surgery, asap if possible. Both Melvin and I thought it best if I took over this case." My lack of response and thoughtful gaze must have prompted him to continue, "I've already spoken to your parents about the issue, if you want I can fill you in?"

"No, no, it's fine. They can tell me later," I swept my hand past me like the information wouldn't matter to me. And technically it didn't. I felt numb about my parents. I never understood why people who are sick take the opportunity to reach out to those they haven't spoken to for awhile. It still confused me why he would take it… Amy was the best around here. Well I suppose before he came here. I tried to shake my head free of all those thoughts.

"Anyway, I've ran out of time to say what I really wanted, but can we arrange a time to talk again?" remember that schoolboy aura from earlier? Well that face and uneasy body actions told me he was anxious about my response and whatever it was he wanted to talk about.

But I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't. "Listen Darien," even his name felt a bit odd on my tongue, "umm… I don't know. I just don't know," I said while chewing on my bottom lip. "Under current circumstances I've kept it professional… but this is really awkward… like awkward as fudge for me," I laughed. I don't know why I was getting all honest here, but I thought I at least owed it to him.

I could see this wasn't unknown to him. So I assumed he either felt the same way, or expected I would feel uneasy about it all anyway. "It's okay… But, I really feel like I need to tell you something Serena."

"Can't you just tell me now quickly? Drop it like a bomb and leave before I have time to process it?" I laughed. Get it over and done with while I can't escape! I'll pretend to listen and then we can continue on with out lives like nothing has changed.

"This can't be rushed Serena," his voice was firm and his eyes were burning on me. That look was telling me not to joke. Maybe he also remembered how I deflected a lot… Was it weird that a guy who made it adamant that you were a total failure and had no expectation of you in the future, still remembered little things about me. Creepy? A little.

"Umm, Darien," I tried to talk. I had no idea what I wanted to say. But I hated the awkwardness about this whole situation. His whole body was slumped and looked defeated as his gaze fell to the floor.

But as luck would be on my side, there was a knock on my door. Thank you dear lord, I said to myself as I look up. It seemed like I had a lot of luck on my side lately. Maybe the universe was against us having this conversation as well! Yay for me! At least I felt positive about something now.

Darien looked a bit startled. He was glancing between me and the door. With my new found confidence – due to 'saved by the bell'. I casually lifted one perfect eyebrow. What was he expecting? I managed to drag myself up from my chair and slide over to my door. I froze. And I lost some of my confidence. I also happened to feel someone come up behind me, sending a shiver down my spine.

"Serena, I… Umm... The nurses directed me to your office, I hope that was okay?" it my mother. She offered a smile at least. I was in this awkward sandwich and I really wished I could just disappear. As my mother tried to push forward she done a double look in shock, "Oh, I'm so sorry," she said quickly before taking a step back again. That was when Darien happened to take a step aside.

"Mrs Tsukino," he nodded.

"Dr Chiba, I didn't realise you were in there. Serena, I didn't interrupt did I? I can come back," she offered. She was talking quiet fast. She was clearly distressed. HA! That's what you get for trying to corner me as well. I know, I'm bad!

"Not at all, I was actually leaving Mrs Tsukino," Darien cut in while trying to skirt around me through the doorway. "I'll catch you around Dr Tsukino," he said with a quick wave and was out of my sight like tomorrow could not come soon enough for him.

I don't know what it was that got him so nervous. But whatever. That was one of them out of my hair now! Small feats. And I didn't even have to do anything. What I did have left was my mother staring at me. I'm assuming by the fact that she didn't blink an eye at Dr Chiba, and haven't asked why we were alone private, that she hasn't put 1 and 1 together yet. My parents knew of me dating someone named Darien Chiba… BUT they never met him. So either they didn't realise how uncommon Chiba was, or conveniently forgot about that small fact, which ultimately made their daughter defected for the rest of her life!

"What did you want mum?" I asked a bit coldly. All I wanted to do was sit in my quiet office alone. But somehow Darien and my mother had other plans. I was still technically working!

She looked a bit taken back and unsure still. Technically as my mother she could yell at me and chastise me. I was rude, and still her daughter. But I guess these past few years really took the toll on her. Not to mention my brother leaving the family and going abroad left both my parents alone, childless. Clearly the yelling and trying to force me to live my life how they wanted me to didn't work out so well the first time, so maybe this time she thought giving me space might make things differently.

"I just wanted to talk to you about your father? I didn't know if you were coming back. But one of the nurses mentioned you worked here. So I thought I'd come by and speak to you privately before you had words with your father."

It was a tedious conversation and I decided to let my mother into my office. I motioned to the couch inside as I went to my desk. It was small talk at first, but I could see her itching to get into it. I started it off with asking what was wrong with my father having Dr Chiba explain he needed surgery asap.

Turned out my father developed a thoracic aortic aneurysm. Basically an aneurysm is a saclike bulging that can develop on the wall of a blood vessel, like a ballooning. This bulging commonly occurs on the aorta due to weakening of the arterial wall. An aortic aneurysm usually presents primarily in the thorax. Many times there is a history of high blood pressure. When they are left undetected and untreated they can be fetal due to dissection or popping of the aneurysm leading to nearly instant death.

Growing up he was always complaining about the stressors he was under. Around 40 he developed high blood pressure. But also coming from that generation, it still wasn't enough to force him to get healthy by getting active or diet with cutting fats and oils and cholesterols. So it wasn't really that surprising that he developed an aneurysm. But he was very lucky. Apparently he had an attack before but thought it was not serious enough to seek medical attention. The next one he went to the doctors who done physical checks. But this one was really severe and an ambulance was called. Which landed him here, and thankfully Amy being very diligent done as many tests as possible. And low and behold, they found the aneurysm.

Due to the time lapse and severity it posed, surgery was the option. Really, the only option to ensure it never 'popped' and caused instant death. Sounded bizarre talking about death. It really made me adore Amy even more. Death would be a daily conversation she'd have to people, families, partners, children… and she was still able to focus and continue with her job like it was nothing. Not that it wasn't anything, but I'd have been an emotional wreck! I wouldn't have been able to continue my work. But she managed, like a true saint. I really had to take my hat off to her and commend her on her superb ability.

Anyway, my mother explained that my father wanted to talk to me before he agreed to surgery. She also wanted to apologise. She apologised for being born in a generation that was closed mind compared to my generation. She was brought up in a world were a woman went to school to find a husband. Someone who could look after her and the children she would have for him. Key words being for him. Which meant he had the right to control every aspect, and her closing her mouth and opinions. Because women didn't have opinions back than.

It was also a generation that didn't deal with issues like anxiety and depression. Their parents having been through a depression, they struggled and made ends meet without so much of a complaining word. That was life. Apparently when Sammy left home it left my parents to question a few things. Sammy had told them how he felt about everything, and even tried to explain what I was going through. It must have hit something, because my mother admitted to seeking help at the doctors and talk to someone. That caused a rift in their marriage, and they found themselves seeing a marriage counsellor and started to talk openly about the issues, and gradually came to the 21st century.

At least they were smart enough to notice their failings and start making progress to become better people. So I guess a little of my hurt went away for my parents. I still couldn't 100% forgive them, but I guess it was a start. Like all things, admitting you have an issue and wanting to seek help is always the first step in changing things.

The duration of our chat made me give up any idea or notion of completing my work and paperwork. It was not the best of time to be having such a conversation, but I guess if I ever really wanted to have any sort of relation with my parents, something had to have give. But that was life. We never really got what we wanted, and things always happened at some of the most inopportune times.

In any case, I packed up and decided while I was having this heart to heart with my mother, I mise well see what my father wanted too. It was awkward walking in because he just stared at me and started to break down and cry. After my mother soothing him a bit he started. First he had to explain his reasons, much like my mother, being of that generation. But also his own personal downfalls of being stubborn and headstrong, and set in his ways unable to be swayed to change. Guess I found out where I got those traits from?

Eventually he got around to apologing. He apologised for everything basically. And admitted he was a major factor in my depression and reason behind leaving the family home and staying away from my family. What surprised me the most though was his apology for not trying to understand who I was, and what I was going through.

It was like a major weight was taken off my shoulders. It was an odd feeling. That's all I ever wanted my parents to do, apologise, and admit they were not helpful while I was going through a very difficult place. I never thought in my wildest dreams that they would ever apologise and admit their shortcomings. Admit they failed me. But there it was. Disappointing it took them a hospital trip and near possible death to actually find me and tell me! But I guess better late than never right? These things were always about timing… damn Hollywood stereotypes!

But at least I left my father's hospital room knowing he finally agreed to the surgery, which Darien agreed to do ASAP when his schedule showed a gap to do it. AND I also felt a little better about my parents. Like I said, not ready to 100% forgive them… but it was a good first step to rebuilding some sort of relationship with them again. Small steps.

"Serena!" I heard my name down the corridor stopping me from my thoughts. Turning around I watched my mother shuffle towards me waving her hand towards me ushering me to stop. "Serena, dear…" she huffed as she got to me. I just stood and stared at her. I legit was not expecting her, or knew what she wanted… so… yeah…

"I… I thought because your father. He's going to be in hospital for a few days. Umm… maybe you'd like to come home and stay with me?"

"Err…" I really never gave it much thought about going home. There was nothing there for me. Just old memories and haunts.

Maybe my mum picked up on the issues I had regarding this little… idea. She proposed a solution. "I haven't touched your kids rooms… maybe you wanted to take a moment to go through everything?"

This gave me something to contemplate. I didn't really leave home with anything really. I just wanted to get out of there. So for a good ten plus years I've forgotten what my childhood room was like. The things I once beloved. Guess it wouldn't have hurt to go back to some of those memories… And I think my mother just didn't want to be alone in that big house. She always had my father to watch and protect her, and this was probably her first real time alone without having someone to cook and clean for.

With a sigh I gave her my answer, "I suppose I could spend a night or two. Go through my old room."

A slow smile spread my mothers across her lips, "thank you darling," she said rather emotional as she placed a hand over my forearm. Reassuring herself I suppose.

The later of the day passed quickly, but I still found myself struggling to pack my things up and leave. There was no pressure from my mother to go over there tonight… but at least if I went over as soon as possible, stayed a couple nights, get it over and done with. And struggle was probably an understatement.

By the time I got home I packed a quick overnight bag and found myself in my car heading towards a district I hadn't visited in a very long time. Things had certainty changed a lot. New development and community living spaces had popped up where fields of parkland and old housing used to be. Already memories were coming back. I was starting to feel nervous and scared. Some memories I did not want to really stir up… but I guess that came with the territory when willingly stepping back into your past.

Admitting, I had to take a few moments to myself in the car before heading to the front door. I also knocked back a couple of my tablets. It was late, but my anxiety would see to my not sleeping anytime soon.

Getting inside was easy; my mother thought I wasn't going to show up tonight, so she was a little surprised I did actually come over. She offered me something to eat or drink, but food hadn't been on my mind for a while now. Too many nerves and thoughts preoccupied my hunger. Due to the lateness, she was on her way to bed, but advised she had laid some blankets on the couch for me. I however went straight up to my old room.

Opening the door took a lot of nerves. I didn't know what to expect. I honestly forgot what it looked like. I had faint memories… but I couldn't tell you exactly. I opened the door slowly and soaked it all in. It was clear my mother didn't go inside often. The air was stale and dust was thick, even from this viewpoint.

My eyes laid on my bed first. The one bright pink spread was now faded and dull. My bookshelves held my old manga series in perfect condition. The duchess laid bare my old jewellery dish, perfume bottles and brush. I had an urge to touch these things, to let my mind wonder to the past, my childhood. But I controlled myself. I knew it'd be a rabbit hole of memories, as well as immanent hay fever and sneezing to unsettle the dust. Taking a few steps around and letting my eyes wonder on everything, I soaked in the idea of what could have been. Was my childhood innocent? Yes, to a degree. However I had to grow up fast in the most precious years when I was at that blossoming age of finding myself. I was caged and leashed, and when I did spread my wings, I was limited to my own capabilities.

I couldn't stay on those negative thoughts. Rabbit hole. Been there, got lost once, and I did not want to go back to those dark places and feelings. So I fixed my eyes on what I could go through. Besides my drawers, I did have a walk in closet. Swinging the doors open, I braced myself for more dust and stale air.

Everything was perfectly in place. Luckily there was not as much dust in here as my bedroom, but everything looked duller. Like the life was sucked out of the colours that once were. Again, that urge to feel across my clothes and pull them apart was there. Funny how my fashion taste had changed all these years later. No way I'd be able to fit into any of this stuff again… maybe my shoes? They stayed the same size. But considering how old everything was, I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to risk it. I noticed a red container at the top of one of the shelves. Funny how we stored the things that were most precious to us high up away from sight.

It was probably the one thing I should have complete control over and not grab, but it was too late. I was already on my toes and my hands were firmly by the sides. Of all the things I could have touched and went through in this room, it just had to be this awful box.

I promise there is no dirty secrets or human remains in there. But it was definitely my once precious items that I held dear. It held everything that I ever held close to my heart. I couldn't tell you what was in a few of the other boxes, or even the clothes folded in my drawers… but this… I'm sure we all have that one box of memories we could never forget. No matter what.

I plopped myself on the ground crossing my legs and placed the box in front of me. Force of nervous habit, I was chewing on my bottom lip. I knew I should just get up and leave, but the force of it being right there in front of me was too strong. I needed to have a look at it. I knew it would bring pain to me… but every hurt also went hand in hand with moments of happiness and pure bliss.

Taking a deep breath to brace myself, I pulled the lid off and placed it next to me. I just stared at the content. I may have forgotten what exactly was in here, specifically… But I knew of the contents. What they once meant to me. I was already feeling that swell of emotions stir up inside me as I stared. I couldn't control my emotions. My chest was feeling heavy and I wanted to cry. Blinking them back, a single tear betrayed my will and slid down my cheek.

With a quick wipe in defeat, I started to pull items from the box. Each item holding a very special place within my heart. At the top laid items from my last boyfriend before I moved out of home. College years… remember how I was a bit of a floozy? Well, each experience taught me something, and so a memorability of our time was saved in this box. Like layer of layer of each encounter and stupid decision I made during my life. I got closer to the bottom.

I knew what memories lay on the bottom. The ones that really broke my heart. The reason I started this stupid box in the first place. My hopes at the time was that if I put them all in a box, closed it and put it away, I'd be able to forget everything and move on. Sounded simple in theory… but mentally it didn't work. I needed to try harder than that to forget everything. And it I tried very hard over all these years. But maybe some things can never be forgotten?

I exaggerate when I said everything was in here, but everything from movie tickets, photos, little notes we used to slip to each other, dried flowers, and unspoken promises all were held in this box. I flicked quickly through the top layers, but when it came to these memories, there was no quickness about them.

Time just disappeared as a looked through everything, reading each note, remembering each date ticket stubs belonged to. At some point I had started to cry. I couldn't tell you what it was. Maybe it was just all of this? My whole world revolved around this relationship at one point. I thought he was my future, forever and ever. My everything. I won't lie; it hurt like hell, still even today thinking back over what we shared and how it ended. But maturity made me accept a lot of things, and one being that we can't change the past. We can accept it and make peace with those demons.

Taking a break I let myself lay down. Who'd have thought it'd be so mentally and physically exhausting? But then I realise the notion of time. It was already late when I started… I could only imagine the time now. Dawn would be upon me. I sat up and looked at the mess I made. There was no way I was going to put everything back in order. I grabbed the box to move it closer to me so I could start putting things away, but as I move it, I heard a small clunk and silver gleam.

A soft laugh escaped my lips, followed by tears as I recognised what it was. I know, you're curious now. But trust it, it's not what your probably thinking. Maybe? Yes, it was a ring, but remember how I said unspoken promises? No, not marriage, geesh! We were way to young at that time. But this ring was Darien's high school varsity ring. He always wore it. But when I finally agreed to go out with him, he gave it to me. He knew I was still unsure about his true intentions, so he gave me something precious to prove to me that he really wanted to date me with no motives.

I guess you could say a promise ring of sorts. How someone can tell you they love you so much and can't imagine a world without, than just end it like they did. I think I could never forget that relationship, just like I will always have regrets about that it. The good and the bad. No one ever really forgets about their first true love. It's what made me who I am today, so as much as it hurts, I have a lot to thank for it as well.

Returning back to my previous thought on the time, which I attributed to reason of why I was feeling tired and sore. Which also kind of brings me circling back to the beginning of my story. So now you are up to date, I will pack up and head downstairs for some sleep. Still had to go to work tomorrow. But stay tuned, I feel this chapter of my life is nearly over, and maybe, jut maybe… I might be able to start to look forward to something positive happening for once? Things can't honestly always stay dark and gloomy forever can they?

A/N: Hope you enjoyed~ I'm hoping I can squeeze everything I wanted to in one last chapter *fingers crossed*... otherwise two more chapters and finito. :(