A/N: Hey everyone! I'm back with another chapter! Special thanks to Ravenshell for being an awesome beta. I feel I should post a warning that this chapter describes an anxiety attack and may be a trigger for some individuals. Read with care. Enjoy!

Chapter 32

It's so dark, and for a moment, I wonder where I am until I realize my eyes are closed. Fighting against the sandbags of sleep, I slowly peel my eyes open into small slits. I recognize my room and that I'm curled up in my bed with rumpled covers. My head hurts and my arm feels like it's waterlogged. With effort, I lift my arm until it's directly in front of my face. My heart catches in my throat at the sight of the grotesque limb. Against the protests of my throbbing head, I sit up much too quickly. I groan as the past forty-eight hours come rushing back to me. Thankfully, it doesn't take as long to get my mind up to speed this time. This is the third time I've woken up to this monstrosity attached to me. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not and I don't want to be.

Smoothing my hand over my mattress, I cringe as my fingers brush against something that feels like crusty flakes. Not a sensation I welcomingly associate with my bed. After further investigation, I realize the flakes are actually pieces of my shell; or more specifically the softer area between my plastron and carapace. Lifting my mutated arm, I peer underneath it observing a few more brittle chips as they fall from the cuff of my armpit. Great, another lovely addition to my ever-growing mutation.

I smother a wide yawn with my normal hand. I knew it wouldn't be long before the nightmares started, last night being the first of what I expect to be many. Failing miserably at the healing hands mantra, I thought I would succumb to the madness and gore of my nightmare. Then a calmness spread over me and I thought maybe I did the healing intonation right after all….. until I opened my eyes to find Leo sitting in front of me. The shame of my weakness sat heavily on my chest. The discomposure of my eldest brother seeing me in such a disheveled state again squeezed the oxygen from my lungs until my words were replaced with pathetic wheezes.

It was embarrassing how long it took me to regain some resemblance of control, but to my surprise Leo didn't lecture me. He didn't bombard me with the why's and how's of the past two days. He didn't even seem disgusted by my anxiety attack or my incessant apologies. Instead he apologized to me. He apologized for treating me like a well-tuned 'fix-it-all' machine, a role in which I've grown accustomed to over the years. I didn't really know how to respond to such emotional openness from my brother.

In my mind, I tried to find the appropriate reply. Unfortunately, any sensible words rehearsed in my brain were illogically meshed together with past wounds I thought were long forgotten.

Instead of a sound and level-headed reply, a hurtful memory spewed from my lips. I was mortified by my own confession, exposed by my childish memory. Like an infant learning to speak, I was uncertain if my babbling about protein shakes was at all coherent. To my relief, Leonardo deciphered my estranged emotions and gave me what I didn't realize I needed—my big brother. We spent the rest of the early morning twilight in each other's company. He didn't expect anything from me and I, in return, took in as much of his presence as my weary body would allow. I yawn again, stealing a glance at my digital clock as my feet stretch against the cool concrete floor. It's nearly noon. Everyone's probably in the dojo for midday practice.

Shuffling out of my room, I head toward the kitchen, hoping a hot cup of coffee will flush out the remaining tiredness from my system. However, my eye twitches at the blue sticky note on the coffee-maker's glass pitcher that reads:

Sensei said no coffee. There's water in the kettle for chamomile tea.

~Leonardo

I sigh heavily, but don't oppose the note as I turn on the stove and wait for the water to boil. With sluggish enthusiasm, I prepare the tea and decide to join my family. To my surprise, everyone's gathered around the television and not in the dojo as I originally thought. They're so enthralled in whatever program is on; no one has noticed my arrival behind the couch. I tune my attention to the flickering images to see what has captivated my family's attention:

…. making the Frank Vass case a high priority due to the appearances of large unidentified animals—a bipedal tiger and canine to name a few—spotted across the city over the past several months. For those just tuning in, Frank Vass, a NYC maintenance worker, was brutally slaughtered in the sewers while performing maintenance work two nights ago. There's no denying the existence of strange hybrid animal-like sightings especially in light of the terrorist invasion last year and the biological air attack that followed shortly after, resulting in green canisters falling from the sky. Traces of unknown DNA were found in Vass's remains. The CSI department will investigate the sewer tunnel in which Vass was last seen in hopes of finding clues to the type of animal responsible for the horrific death of Frank Vass…. If you have spotted any large wild animals in your area, please report...

No… no… no….

The rest of the reporter's words are muted as my brain processes this new data. They found the sewer worker… my stomach clutches…. or rather what's left of him. They found DNA… my DNA… they are coming to the sewers to investigate. We're not safe. They're going to find us and it's my fault. They're going to find us unless I do something. I can't help but think of Sensei's words of warning months ago:

My son, you make choices in life, and then there are times when choices will make you.

I made horrible choices and those horrible choices are turning me into a blood-lusting monster…. those horrible choices are now endangering my family. My eyes burn as I continue to ponder the consequences of my choices, but I can't bring myself to blink when I should. Something stings my hand as my entire arm trembles and the sound of something breaking echoes in the lair.

Snapping my wrappings against my wrist, I try to focus on the news reporter as he talks about the sewer guy for like the fifth time in the past two hours, but my brain is too busy freaking out.

What if they figure out that DNA is Donnie's? ...What if they start snooping down here, find us, take us away to a hostel-like lab and do all kinds of freaky gross stuff to us and then—

"Ow!" I stare wide-eyed at Raph wondering why his mean ugly hand just whacked me upside my delicate scalp.

"Stop spazzin' out." He growls, looking down at my fingers which are on the verge of snapping my wrappings again. With a sheepish smile, I sit on my hands. Raph's freaking out too, and I guess me freaking out is making him freak out even more. I can't help it though; there's so much happening all at once, like a super-size combo of bad stuff with a side order of worse stuff, and Donnie's in the middle of it all. I'm really worried about him. My stomach is still in all kinds of knots and tangles 'cause I haven't been able to apologize to D for being such a mean butt when he told us what was really going on with him. Master Splinter and Leo both told me to let Donnie rest and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. He's my bro and I want things to be cool between us again.

I stare at Leo but he hasn't looked away from the TV since they started talking about investigating the sewers. It's silent for a moment as everyone takes in the 'what ifs' of this sewer investigation.

"No one mention this to Donnie," Leo finally speaks in his leader voice as he looks over to me and Raph.

"He's gonna find out, Fearless, so there ain't no point in hiding it."

"He's going through enough as it is without having to worry about this too."

"Well, we can't just sit here twiddling our thumbs!"

"Don't you think I know that?!" Leo snaps at Raph. Their auras blaze brightly as they argue about whether or not they should tell Donnie about the investigation. Neither of them notice our brother in question standing behind us. Twisting from my position on the couch, I take a breath, ready to yell for my oldest brothers to chill out but something in Donnie's stance halts the holler on my lips.

He's staring at the TV, but his wide eyes tell me his mind is nowhere in the lair. Like second nature, I immediately tune in to his aura. The purple vapor at Donnie's center whips and lashes back and forth. It reminds me of moth trying to flutter away from darkness in search of a soothing light. Frowning, I notice the trembling aura changing shapes. Rushing to Donnie's headspace, it briefly takes the form of gears, similar to how Donnie's aura used to look, before reverting back into its vapor-like form again. It does this several times, never able to hold its form for very long. Frantically, his aura rushes to his center, slamming into something within him so hard, I'm surprised it hasn't knocked Donnie off his feet. Fear wraps around me like the thought of the boogieman in my closet as I watch this strange aura behavior. It finally dawns on me what his crazy aura is doing.

It's trying to break the wall.

The same wall Master Splinter helped Donnie make in the spirit world. The same wall that's blocking out the darkness and keeping my brother safe. His frantic aura continues to slam itself against the forbidden wall like a crash test dummy; it tries to pull another shape-shifting move but still can't hold the form of a gear for long.

Donnie's skin changes from brown to a stoplight yellow. His hand trembles as tea splashes from the cup in his hand. If his color change wasn't a dead giveaway, then his aura is enough to tell me that something is majorly wrong. A small gasp of understanding escapes my lips as I watch this aura scene replay again and again.

He's afraid. He's not used to his brain and feels sharing the same space. His aura usually works like gears—predictable and full of logical codes and stuff—while he crams all his feels in that little metal box. But that box doesn't exist anymore, and all his logical thinking won't work with all those emotions swarming around. This has gotta be torture for D. Everything he's feeling right now has no place to hide. His aura is trying to do what it always does—bury his feels really deep, but the wall won't let him. That wall has a way more important job…. protecting my brother from the monster inside.

"Stop treating him like glass, he's stronger than that."

"I never said he wasn't, I just don't think he should know right now."

"Uh, guys… I think he knows." I didn't mean for my voice to sound so small, so afraid, but it somehow filters through to Leo and Raph anyway as they stop arguing.

It wasn't so much Mikey's words I heard, but the trepidation behind them. Raph hears it too as we both stop and stare at our baby brother. He's turned around backwards on the couch. I twist to get a better look at what he's staring at.

Yellow is the first thing that fills my vision as I blink my focus to Donatello. His new color gives me pause…. I don't know what 'yellow' means. His skin seems to change colors based on his surroundings and emotions so it makes me wonder what exactly is going through his mind right now. His gaze is fixed on the TV and I inwardly kick myself for not being more mindful of my brother's arrival.

"Donnie…" I call to my frozen brother hoping to gain his attention. His body trembles in response. An unsteady hand is enough to quake his mug as tea spills over his fingers. In seconds, the mug tumbles from his loose grip, shattering against the floor.

I bound around the couch until I'm inches away from Donnie. Gently, I place my hands on his much higher shoulders. "It's okay, Donnie," I reassure him, but he doesn't seem to hear me. Turning him away from the TV, I try again. "Hey, everything is going to be fine."

Fix this.

This is your fault. Fix this.

You murdered that man…. You need to fix this now.

Your family is going to die because of you. Fix. It. Now.

My mind demands my concentration but panic wraps around my rational thoughts, making it impossible to focus. Suddenly, my body shifts and my head tilts downward, but not on my own accord. The tunnel vision is replaced by a set of cerulean eyes.

"Donnie, you hear me bro?" Blinking, I step back from Leo but he pulls me toward him. "Careful," he warns, looking down at something. I follow his gaze to the shattered mug on the floor just behind my footstep that I don't remember dropping. Stumbling forward, I avoid a foot full of broken ceramic.

"I need to go back to the tunnel and make sure there's nothing traceable to lead them to the lair." My words are direct and devoid of my rising internal hysteria. I need to stay calm. I take a step toward the turnstiles, but Leo blocks me.

"I already took care of the tunnel. There's nothing there to connect you to anything."

Shaking my head sharply, I try to pass him. "No… no….. my prints…. my DNA is still there!" Doesn't he understand? Flashbacks of my bloody hand clawing the tunnel walls as I threw up pulse through my memory, making my temple throb. "Have to clean walls…. have to remove DNA…"

"Cleaning the walls will just add more suspicion to a tunnel that should be covered in grime. Think about what you're saying, Donnie."

"I am thinking!" I hate how shrill my voice sounds as I try to reel in these terrifying emotions. "Cameras," I shout over the loud drumming in my head as I change directions and head for my lab. "We need surveillance in that tunnel. I have to know where they are at all times….. they can't find the lair!" Leo tries to block me again but I shove him out of my way.

I just need to get to my lab so I can fix this, and then—

"Oof!" Tackled from behind, I nearly tip forward but manage to regain my balance. Strong arms grip my waist turning me forcefully away from the direction of my lab, lifting my feet off the ground in the process. "Put me down! I need to get the equipment from my lab!" I struggle to loose my arms, but they are firmly pinned at my sides by the unbreakable hold around my waist.

"Raph! Be careful!" Leo shouts at my captor as I attempt to shake him off of me. Leo's in my view again. "Donnie, calm down! I told you everything's….."

Leo's face is full of worry as his voice fades until I only hear my own heart hammering in my head. Blood-slicked hands and the confusing taste of forbidden flesh overwhelm my nervous system. The eyes of an innocent man replace those of my brother as his screams threaten to drown out my sanity. Guilt of my past decisions presses on my soul and twists horrible images in my mind. When will this nightmare end?

But I know this isn't a dream; all of this really happened and now my family is in danger and it's my fault. There's no way out. I'm trapped. If this dormant monster inside of me doesn't kill my family, then the humans searching for me will. The cold truth seizes my body in tremors.

"No…. have to fix this! Why won't you let me fix this? ….I need to…" Fear that I can't push down rises in my throat like a mass as a wheeze pinches from my lips. My chest tightens like a vice as my heart beats against my plastron like the wings of a hummingbird. I can't breathe. Frantically, I look for a way out but my surroundings become a palette of blurred colors. Closing my eyes I try to control the pressure swelling in my chest.

I didn't waste time jumping into action when Don makes a mad dash for his lab. He isn't such a lightweight anymore, but I still manage to keep a good solid grip on him. Even with my feet firmly planted on the ground, he still manages to drag me a few steps, determined to reach his lab. With a grunt, I arch my back and tighten my grip around his waist enough to sweep his feet off the ground and turn him the opposite direction. He screams for me to put him down but I hold fast against his squirming.

"Not so rough!"

"You wanna hold down Mr. Bucking Bronco instead?" I answer Leo tersely, yanking Don away from the lab once again to regain my constraint over him. I'm just about ready to pin the Brainiac to the ground when he starts makin' these horrible wheezing noises, freakin' me the shell out. I didn't think I was holding him that tight, not to choke him out. God, I'm hurting my brother…. just like I always do. On instinct, I drop him like a hot potato, which I instantly regret. Thankfully, Leo's there in front of Don to catch him before he faceplants on the ground.

Fists balled up at my sides, I back away, letting Leo do his thing. I hope he can fix what I almost broke.

There are noises around me that I can't decipher and suddenly, the iron grip around my waist disappears. I feel myself falling but the impact never comes as a softer touch lowers me to the floor. Desperate for a grounding connection, I open my eyes to once again find Leo's face in my view.

"Donatello, you have to calm down."

"I can't…. I can't breathe…. Leo, I can't…." My words become lost in a breath-sucking wheeze.

"Yes, you can. Just like last night, remember? Seven in, eleven out." He demonstrates by tapping his plastron for each breath in and each breath out. I try to follow, but my chest cramps painfully with each haggard intake of air. "Look at me." When had I looked away? "Come on," Leo encourages, this time tapping my plastron instead of his with each breathing count. "One, two, three, four… no, hold it, hold it…. five, six, seven…" He does this three more times before my lungs finally remember how to function again. "That's it, you got it. Just take it easy and breathe."

Looking around, I take inventory of my surroundings. Mikey's staring at me, watery eyes rippling with fear; Raph's shell is facing me, obviously ashamed of my behavior; and Leo… Leo's still here on the floor in front of me rubbing my shoulders.

"I killed him." The words fall from my lips like a broken-winged bird as I frown trying to keep my breathing in check. "This is my fault…. I killed him."

Donatello's cracked voice expresses the very words we have desperately tried to deny in our own minds. His head bows, shame and grief keeping him from looking at any of us. I give his shoulders a squeeze before cupping his face between my hands.

"Hey," I whisper, waiting for his tear-filled eyes to meet mine. "Nobody's blaming you, okay?"

"But the investigators, the police, they'll—"

"Raph, Mikey, and I will go back to the tunnel," I cut off his distressing outburst before he spirals into another anxiety attack. Talking slowly, I keep my sentences short and to the point. "We will double-check the perimeter. Mikey helped you set up surveillance a few months ago so he knows where your equipment is, right Mikey? ...Mikey…."

"…uh-huh…" Mikey squeaks from somewhere behind me. I know he's worried about Donnie and freaking out about this investigation, but I need him to keep it together just a little longer… just until I calm Donnie down. As much as I want to pull my youngest brother to my plastron and reassure him that we'll be okay, I can't right now. Not while I have another brother in my arms struggling to keep his wits about him.

Moving my hands back to his shoulders, I search his eyes for understanding. "We'll set up a video camera and I'll keep watch until the investigators leave. Remember what I told you? ...I won't let you do this alone." I scoot back a bit to give him some breathing space. His head bobs with a tired nod, his skin changing from the panicked yellow to a neutral brown again as he breathes out deeply with a whimpering sigh.

"What is going on? Donatello, are you alright?" I never saw Sensei come out of his room, but he's suddenly knelt beside me, gently prodding Donnie.

"He had an anxiety attack," I answer when Donatello doesn't. Sensei looks at me curiously, so I explain a little more. "He had one last night, but this one was pretty bad."

"…'M fine…" Donnie mumbles cupping his temple against his hands. He's not fooling anyone, least of all Master Splinter.

"Mmm," Sensei hums, gently pulling Donnie's hands away from his face. "Does your head hurt?" His voice is full of quiet concern.

"…a little." Master Splinter frowns, not convinced of my brother's reluctant response.

"Come, I will prepare you some tea and we will meditate in the dojo." Sensei stands, carefully pulling Donatello up as well, his arm securely hooked across his shell.

"But the cameras…" Donnie stops in mid-sentence, wincing as he clutches the side of his head and sways under Sensei's hold.

"It's fine, Sensei. Raph, Mikey, and I are going to double check the tunnel and set up a security camera." I don't have to go into further detail as I read the understanding in Master Splinter's stern gaze.

"Good. Be quick, but thorough. Watch your surroundings and come back to the lair immediately."

"Hai, Sensei." I bow and my two younger brothers repeat the gesture of acknowledgement and respect. I kneel again to clean up the shattered pieces of Donnie's mug, but not before watching Sensei guide Donnie into the kitchen.

I follow Raph and Mikey into the lab to help them gather the surveillance equipment. Mikey is a ball of fearful energy as he plunders through Donnie's desk drawers. As he pulls out a small hand-held recorder, I rub my hand over the top of his head, leaving it there for a moment. He stares at me with uncertain eyes, waiting for my reassurance. I can see all the questions and apprehension dancing in his eyes. With practiced confidence, I offer him a nod and a smile and it's enough to convince Mikey that everything is going to work out okay. I can see my confidence reflect proudly in his eyes now as he gives me a grin full of hope in return. A metallic echo of tools hitting the ground pulls my attention away from my baby brother. Raphael swears from across the room as he slams the fallen tools back into Donnie's toolbox.

"Mikey, go get the bleach from the bathroom, Raph and I will meet you outside the lair."

"'Kay, good luck." I sigh at his reply. Even with my subtly, Mikey knows I'm about to tempt fate confronting our temperamental brother. Walking over to Raph, I see the deep scowl across his brow that squints his eyes into small slits. His attitude has intensified since we came back from the spirit realm of Donnie's aura. It was only a few minutes ago during Donnie's anxiety attack that I saw a crack in his crude façade. His face crumbled as Donnie panicked in his steel-like hold. Raph let go of Donnie so quickly, if I were a second too late our younger brother would have face-planted between us.

"Raph, Donnie's anxiety attack wasn't your fault." I get straight to the point as I help him pick up the remaining tools.

"Funny, he didn't start freaking out until I grabbed him," he sneers.

"You saved him, Raph….back in the spirit realm." My words give him pause, I think for a moment he may actually listen to me. "I don't know how you did it, but you broke down those walls when the rest of us couldn't." His eyes soften before hardening over into something unreachable.

"Yeah, I break things. It's kinda what I do." His sarcasm is contradicted by his strained voice. It hurts to see the strength of my little brother wither into guilt.

"Raph…."

"Look, it's best I keep my distance. You, Sensei, and Mikey can deal with him better than I can." He slams the toolbox shut with more force than necessary, leaving the lab in a huff of brooding anger. I sigh, turning off the lights to the lab before I leave.

One brother at a time, Leo. One brother at a time.

Exhaling slowly, I try to stop the hitch in my breathing. Another nightmare pulls me from a restful sleep. At least this time I woke up before I pulled Leo's spine from his shell. Clutching my pillow and squeezing my eyes shut, a frustrated whimper chokes passed my lips. Master Splinter said this would take time. A part of me knows this but still...

I sigh as I think about the meditation session with Sensei early today.

"You must not agitate the spiritual wall, Donatello. You cannot bury your emotions as you once did; doing so will only damage the wall and release the negative energy it is blocking.

"I know, Sensei. I'm trying. I talked to Leo last night and... and I thought it would help. I thought it would fix things, but the only thing I've managed to do is have an anxiety meltdown in the den!"

"My son." There's an undertone of sadness, of pity, in his voice. "This is not like one of your machines that can be fixed in a few days. The spirit and mind are both delicate and complex, especially during trauma. They cannot be immediately fixed, but must be healed with time.

"But how long, Sensei? How long will it take for me to heal?"

"I do not know. However, I do know your family is here to help you heal no matter how long it takes."

I force myself to breathe slowly despite my racing heart. I need answers, or at least a measurable timeline of some sort. If I had a workable goal for this healing process, the task wouldn't seem so…. unachievable.

At least the meditation with Sensei today helped; my head isn't pounding anymore. He said the success of the mediation had a lot to do with my new state of openness and humility…. Maybe it did. I can feel the heaviness of the wall in the back of my mind; it's still firmly intact. According to Sensei, it keeps me from fully suppressing my feelings, much to my discomfort, but it is also the only thing blocking out the dark voice, keeping it from wreaking havoc in my mind.

Relaxing a little more under the covers of my bed, I breathe out slowly. The breathing technique coupled with meditation helps me pull out of this anxiety attack before it has a chance to completely overtake my rational thoughts.

I'm in my room.

I'm safe.

My family is safe.

Everything is…

No, everything is not 'okay'. I can't force myself to believe that no matter how many times Sensei or Leo insist that it is. After meditating with Master Splinter this afternoon, I stayed huddled on the couch until my brothers came back from installing the security camera in the tunnel. Embarrassment from my previous outburst drove me to my room before any of them could ask any questions. I stayed in here reading one of my genetics textbooks until I eventually dozed off.

Unfortunately, after experiencing such a graphic nightmare, I am now wide awake. Even though I successfully warded off an oncoming anxiety attack, I have no intentions of going back to sleep. My eyes blink at the dark shadows in my room as they trace over the contours of the items on my desk, desperately fighting against the heaviness of my eyelids.

A miniature globe, a stack of textbooks, my laptop….

The sound of my door clicking open stops my little game of 'what's on your desk?' as I listen from my bed. I assume it's either Master Splinter or Leo coming in to check on me. If they think I'm asleep they won't stay.

The footsteps stop at the door. Nothing happens for the next few minutes and then suddenly the end of my bed dips. I don't have to turn on my lamp to know who it is. The bulk at the foot of my bed shimmies under my covers as he army crawls up to the head of my bed.

Usually, I would be slightly annoyed by his antics, but tonight I'm just glad he's not avoiding me. This is a sure sign I haven't caused irrevocable damages to our relationship. It's so typical of him to fall back on a common comfort zone between us. He hasn't crawled into my bed in years (probably because I'm usually in my lab at night) but the action feels anything but awkward.

The dip in my bed shifts to my side and it smells like something rich and sweet—hot chocolate. A smile tugs at my lips. "Hey Mikey," I whisper as I turn to my other side to face him.

Step 1 – Sneak past oldest brother's room.

Step 2 – Slip into D's room in full-ninja mode

Step 3 – Use baby brother charm to snuggle way into bed and avoid being kicked out, because seriously, who can kick out this bundle of adorableness?

I nearly exploded with joy when Donnie doesn't kick me out. His aura's been extra wonky the past few days so it was hard to get a feel of his mood.

"Hey." I'm grinning so hard in the dark that my face hurts. I just want us to be okay. I need to apologize, but he beats me to it.

"I'm… sorry for how I treated you, Mikey, and I'm really sorry for not telling you."

"I'm sorry for being a jerk about you not telling me," I quip back. I smile when I'm rewarded with an awkward gurgled chuckle.

"Under the circumstances, it's understandable," his strained voice whispers back to me.

"No, bro, that totally wasn't okay of me, no if's, and's, or but's about it." Sure, my esteem was a little burned, but D's been trying to deal with this mutation radiation stuff for months, because he thought he had to figure this out by himself. I don't need to add my butthurt to the his guilt trip. "But I get it, dude… why you didn't tell me. There wasn't much I could've done, right? I'm not a genius like you. But you definitely should've told Master Splinter or Leo, then maybe you wouldn't have felt so…. alone." I stare at the dark space which I assume is Donnie's face. Maybe I'm just not the best person for D to confide in.

"Mikey…. you helped me more than you realize." Grabbing my T-cell which I conveniently tucked into my shell, I turn on the flashlight mode and place the phone between us as it illuminates the ceiling while casting light onto my brother's face. "You kept me grounded, little brother. This mutagen poisoning…. it made me hear and believe things that weren't…" He pauses as he considers his words and stares at me with glossy eyes filled with unshed tears. "You always anchored me when it was a little too loud up here." He taps his temple and forces a smile even though I know he wants to breakdown right now. I return it with twitchy smile of my own. It hurts to see my brother like this. A tear runs down his cheek and he quickly rubs it away with palm of his hand.

I bite my lip, trying to think of something, anything, to cheer my brother up. "Oh!" Donnie's expression perks at my exclamation as I snatch my T-cell back, tapping and swiping at the screen. "Dude, check it out." I shove the screen into his face. Squinting at the brightness, he takes the phone from my hands and looks at it with concentration.

"Is this… is this the tunnel?" he asks with disbelief.

"Yep! We totally have the tunnel on "Big Brother" mode. Always watching…." I say in a nasally voice trying imitate a character I'm sure I saw on television at some point. "I set it up to catch three different angles and to pan out in full view!" I cover my mouth realizing I'm getting a bit too loud. I don't want Sensei, Leo, or Raph dragging me out of Donnie's room. "And Leo used bleach to clean the walls, then Raph and I smeared tons of pretty gross stuff over it—don't ask—to make it look all grimy and not clean again. That was my idea…. a disguise over a disguise. Pretty smart, right? Now you don't have to worry 'cause they'll do their detective stuff and won't find zilch, zero, nothing in that tunnel, dude." He doesn't say anything, but I can see the relief glistening in his eyes. "We totally got your shell. You gotta believe that, bro."

"Yeah…. yeah I know, Mikey. Thanks for showing me this."

"No problemo. When you freaked out earlier…. I…. I just didn't want to see you like that again." I've never see him like that before. Leo said it was an anxiety attack. I thought D had lost his marbles; it was scary.

"Oh, Mikey." He pulls me closer to him, something he hasn't done in years, but I don't complain. Snuggling with any of my bros is always a welcome activity. "I'm sorry you had to witness that. I conclude with everything that's happened over the past couple of days, certain things may trigger me to have an anxiety attack."

I nod with understanding. I had a front row ticket to the nightmarish memory in D's head. How many times had he replayed every grisly detail in his mind? That's enough to make anyone anxious, and most people go loco.

"Mikey?"

"Mm-hm?" Blinking out of my thoughts, I turn back to my brother.

"Can you really... see everyone's aura?"

"Dude, it's only what I've been trying to tell you for the past two months."

"I know, I know," he sighs. "It's just the whole concept of auras seemed—"

"Unreal? Fictitious? A fanciful figment of my imagination?"

"Are you impersonating me?" I challenge his raised brow with a cheeky smile. He rolls his eyes. "What do they look like?" His whisper takes a more serious tone but I can't help but notice the twinkle of curiosity in his eyes.

So I spend the next twenty minutes painting an epic mental image of Michelangelo (the artist) proportions of what the realm of auras looks like. I have him hanging on my every word, which is kind of weird because it's usually the other way around, but he's soaking it all in like a sponge. I tell him how Leo's aura flows like water from a temple of honor—calm and soothing with a harmonious balance. Raph's aura is the fireball lovechild of a Phoenix and a volcano… scary and awesome all at the same time. Master's aura was a little harder to describe to Donnie. It kind of reminds me of sand. I remember watching this movie… I don't even remember what the movie was about, I just know there was a guy in it walking across the desert. I remember how the wind blew across the sand, shifting and changing the landscape. Just when the guy thought he knew where he was going, boom, the wind blew and the sand shifted again. Every time I see Sensei's aura, I think about that shifting sand. When I think I have his aura figured out, it suddenly 'shifts' and I get a glimpse of Sensei being more than just our father and sensei.

"I think there's a lot more to Sensei than he lets us see."

"I think you're right," Donnie agrees as his mouth stretches into a wide yawn. "What does my aura look like?"

Looking down at the illuminated phone between us, I bite my bottom lip.

I knew that question was coming. His aura is painful to look at sometimes; like seeing a wounded animal trembling in a corner. You want to scoop up the little critter and love it to pieces but you know you'll only scare it away. Even now, Donnie's aura is twitchy with a lackluster glow. With a half smile I look at his inquiring eyes. "It's kind of under construction, bruh," I try to answer as honestly as I can.

"That bad, huh?" A morose smile tugs at his lips.

"Not bad, just... hurt. The heart is a delicate muscle, D. Give it some time to heal."

"Right. Give it time to heal... Must be the catchphrase of the day." I pout in confusion as Donnie mumbles to himself, but think nothing more of it as I snuggle more into Donnie's pillow. He sighs as he pushes my head over a bit to make room for himself.

"So, we're cool?"

He huffs out a small chuckle. "Yeah, Mikey we're cool." He picks up my T-cell from between us, turning off the flashlight mode before handing it to me. A very to-the-point good night gesture my older brother tends to subject me to. With my shell to his plastron, I settle into a more comfortable position.

"Mikey?"

"Hm?"

"Are you eating in my bed?"

"Maybe..."

"Mikey! I've told you several times not to eat in my bed!"

"Dude, no fair! You eat in your bed!"

"No, I don't!"

"Then why are there potato chips in your bed?" He pauses a moment as I plop another chip in my mouth. A little salty and not very crispy but it beats getting out this cozy bed to raid the kitchen.

"Mikey, those aren't potato chips, those are scutes shedding from my shell." I stop in mid chew.

"BLEEEEHHHH!"

"UGH! MIKEY, DON'T SPIT IN MY BED! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S GROSS DUDE! WHO LEAVES SCUTES IN THE BED LIKE POTATO CHIPS?!"

"WHO EATS LEFTOVER CHIPS FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S BED?!"

"THOSE WERE NOT CHIPS!"

"I KNOW THAT... I JUST TOLD YOU THAT!"

"What is the meaning of this commotion?" Donnie and I squawk in surprise as Sensei swings the door open with that look. It's a look stern enough for a lecture, but not quite harsh enough for Hashi. "Donatello, you should be resting. Michelangelo, your brother cannot rest if he is bickering with you. I think it is time for you to retire to your room."

A little embarrassed for being called out for fussing with Donnie, I sink my head dolefully into my shell as I scoot out of bed. "Hai, Sensei."

"Wait... Mikey was keeping me company... just... just until I fell asleep."

I pause, a little surprised Donnie isn't annoyed enough with me to kick me out of his room too. Sensei looks between Donnie and me, sizing up our honesty. I smile sweetly for good measure. He arches his brow before sighing through his nose. "Very well, but if I hear one more outburst," he warns as he points to me, "you will go to your room and I will keep you company, Donatello. Understood?"

"Hai, Sensei." Both Donnie and I mutter from beneath the covers. He seems satisfied with our twin response and closes the door behind him.

"Does Sensei know about..."

"Yeah, I showed him the shedding. It's more than likely a part of the mutation. Not much can be done about it, unless Mr. O'Neil finds a solution tomorrow." He doesn't sound very confident about Mr. O'Neil finding a cure. I just know Mr. O'Neil will have awesome-sauce news for Donnie tomorrow. I totally feel it in my middle toe. I scoot a little closer to him. "Good night, Mikey."

"Good night, D." I shuffle and shift in the bed a few more minutes.

"What are you doing?" he asks with a sigh.

"Picking a potato chip outta my shell." I snicker with a grin as his finger thumps me on my carapace.

TBC...

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. And welcome aboard to all the new followers that have join me on this journey over the past couple of months! Thanks for the follows and favorites and all the reviews. They really do mean the world to me. And to think this story was supposed to only be thirty chapter long...so much for that goal, lol.

Well next chapter, Kirby's back in the next chapter so stay tuned! And don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought of this chapter! I love to read your thoughts and insight.

Until next chapter,

Poetique