A/N: Big thanks to Ravenshell for being an awesome beta!
Chapter 37
DuzMachinez: Last day of finals. Bet you're counting down the hours.
GingerNerd: Pfft. More like counting down the seconds! This semester's been brutal. My brain is officially mush.
DuzMachinez: But you made it. I knew you would.
GingerNerd: Not quite. Still have physics exam next period.
DuzMachinez: You'll ace it. Then you'll be home free. ;)
GingerNerd: XD
"Hey!" I frown as my laptop is suddenly covered by a large overcoat. I was sitting on my bed minding my own business, chatting online with April until Raph decides that throwing heavy outerwear at me is the best way to get my attention.
"Shh!"
"Why?...What?..." I ask, lowering my tone, not sure exactly what I should be asking.
"I'm going out, you comin' or not?"
"You know I can't leave the lair." The treatment I'm currently taking compromises my immune system. Master Splinter and Mr. O'Neil decided it would be best for me to stay in familiar quarters to prevent any unnecessary illnesses. To taunt me with freedom was cruel even for Raphael.
"Yeah, well, I also know that you've been going just as stir-crazy as I have being cooped up in here. So, I'll ask you again: Are you comin' or not?"
"Where are you going?"
With an exasperated sigh, he rolls his eyes. "Does it really matter?"
I look down at the ratty brown coat. No. It doesn't matter. Any change of scenery would be nice. My lips twitch into an easy smirk as I pull the coat off my laptop and start typing. "Alright. Give me a sec."
DuzMachinez: Hanging out with Raph. Talk to you later?
GingerNerd: Sure, have fun :)
DuzMachinez: :)
GingerNerd: 3
DuzMachinez: ^_^*
"Oh, for the love sais... Will you stop making kissy emojis with April and come on already?!" I jump as Raph growls over my shoulder.
"Um… Could you not?" Raphael rolls his eyes, but steps back from my bedside as I close my messaging app on my laptop.
"Put this on too." I look up to have a sweater tossed in my face. Pulling the fluffy material from my head, I sputter the cottony fuzz from my tongue. "And this." My reflexes kick in to catch the toboggan hat before it smacks me in the face as well.
"Is all of this really necessary?" The medic in me already knows the answer is yes, but it doesn't change the fact that I hate layered clothing.
"I'm not taking any chances of you getting sick," Raph states the obvious as he closes the gap between us to pull the lavender sweater over my head and shell in one swift motion. I look down. There's a pink unicorn on it. Standing up, I slide one arm into the heavy winter coat. Strong arms keep me upright as the room sudden dips and sways to the side. Briefly, I squeeze my eyes shut to find my equilibrium. A stern emerald glare meets my eyes as my vision comes back into focus.
"I'm fine." His eyes narrow, trying to gauge my truthfulness. "I am! I'm okay." I try to speak sternly but the words come out weaker than I intend. He studies me as I study him. The questioning glare never leaves his face though his eyes soften at my declaration. He's trying to decide if it's worth the risk of taking me with him. He gives my shoulder a squeeze and as his lips curl up slightly.
"I know, brother." He helps me put my other arm through the sleeve and tugs the front of the coat snugly around me. "Sensei and Leo are mediating and Mikey's glued to the TV. Better make a break for it now. Come on." Then he pulls the toboggan over my eyes before snickering. With a half-annoyed groan, I readjust the thick hat over my head and follow Raph out the lair.
I ask Raphael again where we're going but he only threatens to take me back to the lair if I don't 'shut it'. He and I both know it's an idle threat. Since our heart to heart about palm trees, I can tell Raph is trying to make things right between us—to keep things right between us. It's just as hard for him to show he cares as it is for me to accept the fact that he does, but somehow we find an satiated balance. We both don't handle our emotions well. I see that now.
Raph doesn't have a problem with telling people what's on his mind, it's just sometimes the wrong emotions come out. Instead of telling me my latest invention was amazing it's an easier emotional defense for him to just ask if I have anything better to do with my time. At least Raphael expresses himself even if his emotions are a bit misdirected. I, on the other hand, avoid expressing anything related to my feelings. I'm working on it though, expressing myself better, and so is Raph. I used to think my meathead brother and I were complete opposites. I still think we are, but I also think we're not so different either.
Raphael's pace is slowing so I assume we are getting closer to wherever our destination is. I'm more grateful for Raphael's insistence of layers when the draftiness in this part of the sewers brushes against my face. I pull my cap lower on my head while Raph's back is facing me. This part of the sewers is pretty close to Central Park. It's a small enclave with large tunnels branching out to other parts of the sewer system. Raph and I are in the center of this small open space, showered by the daylight trickling through the manhole above us.
Raph hefts himself into one of the three tunnel openings. Leaning back into its crescent shape, he puts his hands behind his head and closes his eyes.
"Raph, not that I'm complaining because honestly I appreciate the impromptu outing, but what is the purpose of-"
He holds his finger up silencing any further questioning from me. I groan, but wait. And wait.
And wait.
And just when I'm about to question my brother's sanity, I hear it. I look up. Shadows of New Yorkers pass above us as well as their mundane chatter, but there's a sound beyond the busy noise. I wait to hear the sound again. This time it's louder and I recognize it as a brass instrument. A saxophone to be exact. I listen. The player is actually really good. In the midst of the chaos above there was the sound of peace.
I look over to Raph in time to see him motion for me to come over. He scoots over, giving me enough room to also recline in the scoop of the tunnel's entrance. Here we are, face to face, brother to brother. Nothing but the soothing sounds of jazz between us.
"Dunno who's up there, but she's a natural."
I wonder why he assumes it's a female playing, not that it really matters because I have a more pressing question to ask.
"When did you start listening to jazz?"
He shrugs. "About a year ago. One day I was blowing off some steam in the sewers and I heard it. It just kinda demanded my attention and called to me real delicate-like at the same time."
I want to tell him that he's contradicting himself but I remain silent, hoping to better understand my brother.
"I mean, it's probably just some homeless chick playing for chump change but the way she plays her heart out even to the last note," he shakes his head in pure amazement. "It's really something. It's like she found her little corner of peace in this universe of hell. I figure if she can find her happiness in this crazy, screwed up world then maybe we can too."
Behind the walls of anger and sarcasm, there's a surprising introspective side to my older brother that he rarely lets others see. Despite the cold, I feel the warmth of his trust with his honest perspective.
"That's an interesting comparison," I muse out loud. Maybe playing the saxophone was this human's moment of solace in this downtrodden life. What was mine? ...Where could I find my solace? My lab, my tools, my inventions? At one time I thought these were my only solace. Now, it feels only partially true. I think those things were keeping me from true solace. My family.
I hold myself tight to still the shivers that travel up my spine. Tucking my hands under my arms, I slouch until my knees are higher than my head. "Raph?"
"Yeah?"
"If you've never seen the sax player, how do you know it's a female?"
"I don't. It's a nice thought though." He mimics me, sliding further into the relaxing crescent of the tunnel. "So… uh… are we bonding or something?"
"Well, I suppose this could constitute as a sibling connection. Some argue that sibling bonding is attributed to approximately fifty percent of their genes being identical, though others suggest lifelong connections have little to do with biology. Also—"
"No, Genius." He shakes his head at me with a light-hearted eye-roll. "I mean, you're doin' the mood ring thing again."
I look down at where Raph gestures to where my foot is touching the side of arm. We watch as my skin changes from olive green to the forest green of Raph's skin. "Oh. It just kind of happens sometimes when I'm…. comfortable." I shrug off my color changing, not wanting to create the notorious chick-flick moment that my brother loathes so much.
He shrugs as well, closing his eyes as he crosses his hands behind his head. "Eh, I'm pretty comfortable myself."
I'm pretty sure that's as far as our bond acknowledgement is going today. By now, he's probably picturing the saxophone player as a rebel vixen.
It doesn't take long for me to follow suit as I also close my eyes and let the smooth melody anchor me in the tranquility and comfort of my brother's presence. Even in my bubble of solace, my current condition makes itself known with a powerful sneeze that echoes down the tunnel Raph and I are currently occupying.
"Alright, Sneezatello, let's get outta here."
I sigh as my brother pushes himself into a sitting position. "We just got here." This time the shudder in my body is impossible to hide.
"Forty minutes is plenty."
Had we really been here that long? With reluctance, I slide off the rim of the tunnel. I listen to Venus (it's the name Raph gave the mysterious musician) play another riff before Raph shouts for me to get the lead out.
As we backtrack to the lair another shiver grips my body, but this time it's not from the cold. Stopping in my tracks, I look at the tunnel to my right. It looks just like all the other tunnels but I need a closer look.
"Hey, Brianiac, the lair is this way. Don? ...Don!"
Ignoring my brother, my feet splash against the cold water as I continue walking down the tunnel. The path is short and leads to an open walkway branching out into two more tunnels. My feet feel numb as I stop at the entrance of the left tunnel. It's covered in zig-zagged yellow caution tape. I swallow the lump in my throat as I read the rusted plaque at the top of the archway.
Tunnel 49.
That number is forever engraved in my brain. It is a painful reminder of the guilt I carry. This tunnel has been haunting my dreams for weeks. There is no such thing as not thinking about it because now the horrific images torment me when I'm awake. I can smell the sudden scent of stagnant blood that wafts through my nostrils and to the back of my throat and I almost gag. A rough hand grips my arm and I flinch, growling at the sudden invasion of my personal space.
"Hey, take it easy." I shake my head of the initial knee-jerk reaction of biting my brother for startling me. "Come on, let's get out of here."
I don't budge as he tugs my arm. "This is where it happened."
"….Yeah. I know," Raph sighs as he releases my arm when he realizes I'm not planning to move any time soon.
"I need to go in there."
"Don, now ain't the time."
"Then when is a good time, Raph? When I've lost my last strain of sanity and become a blubbering mess of drool?" My raised voice echoes in the open space before it is swallowed by silence. Lowering my voice I try to rein in my frustration. "You said so yourself; I need closure."
Raph swears. "You weren't supposed to hear that. I didn't know you were still awake." I overheard my brother and Master Splinter talking about my mental state a few nights ago.
"I know Sensei means well, but I just need to see that there's nothing there. If I see it, then I'll be able to accept it and maybe…. maybe I can finally sleep in peace at night. Raphael, please." I look him dead in the eyes, pleading for his understanding. Raph rubs his hand down his face and groans.
The silence is deafening as Raph looks from me to the tunnel and back again. "Alright, but I'm going with you." His eyes are fierce with unrelenting loyalty. I nod in appreciation.
Approaching the tunnel, I snap off a portion of the plastic tape with my taloned-fingers. I don't cross the threshold, leery of investigators returning to the scene of the crime. Or is it murderers? Yes, murderers always return to the scene of the crime. I was currently proving the axiom to be true. Tapping the flashlight feature on my t-phone, I shine the light over the darkened space. The tunnel looks like a dead-end with the drain on the opposite wall currently closed. Dead end, what a fitting name. There is no decapitated body lying on the concrete; no blood or intestines splattered against the moss-covered walls.
"See? There's nothing here, bro. Clean slate." Raph gives me a hearty pat on the shell.
For a moment, I think he's right and maybe I do have a clean slate, but the bitter smell returns and tells me otherwise. "Do you smell that?" I sniff the air and immediately gag.
"Nothing more than the usual sewer funk. What are you talking about?"
"God, it's… it's horrible, Raph. It's smells like rotting flesh." Cupping my head with my hand, I try to push back the headache slowly thumping in my skull. I blink a few times to refocus my sight, and immediately wish I hadn't. Blood is seeping from the cracks on the walls, soaking into the moss, making it heavy and dark. My entire body feels cold before a prickly sensation washes over me. Groaning, I cover my eyes with both hands. "No, no, no…" I shake my head despite the full-blown migraine pulsing through my skull.
"Hey, what's wrong? ... Donnie, look at me!" I obey my brother's panicked voice, opening my eyes as I move my hands down. Slick blood coats my hands.
"B-blood." My voice is hushed and fearful to my own ears.
"Don… hey! Look. At. Me. There's no blood." My eyes sting with tears. Raphael's face is bruised and mutilated. "You hear me, bro? There's no blood. You're okay."
"No. I'm not okay…. you're not okay… you're hurt… I hurt you… it's my fault, my fault—" My eyes pivot over my brother's shoulder. Blood has pooled at the bottom of the tunnel forming a small crimson canal.
"S-something's in the water." I step back as my brother looks behind him.
"Don, there's nothing there! Just calm down, okay?"
"No! Get back!" I swat Raph away from me. "I don't want to hurt you again."
"What the shell, Don? ...I'm fine! Just take it easy and-Argh!" My eyes widen as Raph clutches his arm. It's bleeding. I look down at my hand. My chest tightens at the sight of my brother's blood on the tips of my talon.
"No… no... no... I didn't mean to... Raph, I didn't-" The words are stuck on my tongue as the pool of blood behind my brother ripples with thickening waves as a mound emerges from it. The mound rises, taking a crippled human form. The blood rolls off the face like dark acid, leaving behind rotting skeletal features.
It was him. The sewer worker. His words were gargled due to the gaping hole in his throat but still clear even over the sound of water rushing between my eardrums:
"Murderer."
Over and over again the corpse murmurs. I can't take this. Coming here was a mistake. I should have listened to Sensei. I should have just-
One minute I'm backing away from my brother and the nightmare behind him, and the next I'm on my shell staring up at maze of pipes. Then Raph's face fills my view but this time he isn't covered in gruesome scars. Am I hallucinating? ...I can't tell what's real.
"Don, I'm real. I'm right here, brother." Raph's voice is low and gritty as he leans in and puts his hand on my cheek. I can't feel his hand…. Actually I can't feel my legs or my arms either.
"Leo! ...Leo! It's Donnie. He's flippin' out... I know, okay... just get your shell down here!"
Raph's face is blurry. A strip of red is the only thing that lets me know he's still here. He hasn't left me.
"... hurry... tunnel 49... Donnie? ... okay? ..."
I can't tell if he's talking to me or Leo. His words are muffled like I'm underwater. The edges of my vision darken as inky blackness slowly swallows my vision.
Then something bends, screeching like a rusty brake pedal. My head hurts. It hurts so bad and that's when I feel it. Something slamming violently against the wall in my mind, a grinder cutting through metal.
Miss me?
Fear grips me at the sound of that menacing whisper before everything is completely submerged in darkness.
TBC
A/N: Shout out to my faithful readers and the lovely the reviews you left on the last chapter. I'm sure you have speculations after this chapter. I told you, this roller coast ride is not over yet, so stay tuned!
See you next chapter!
Poetique