I do not own TVD or TO.

Christmas is busy y'all. and if I'm being honest part of me was reluctant to write this chapter and you will see why towards the bottom.

She was certain there was a tear shaped indent on her index finger. The official cut of the lapis lazuli was a pear but it looked more like a tear in that moment. She would know; she was very familiar with tears. She had grown even more familiar with them now, and there was a tear shaped indent on her index finger from where she was twirling the ring around and around.

It was all she could do for several moments after stepping onto the porch. Her eyes lingered on the brown door for several long minutes before drifting to the white swing. She could still see the dent where Jeremy had run into the swing on his skateboard when he was seven and knocked out his front tooth.

She didn't know how long she stood on that porch, but the only sign that an eternity had not actually passed was the steady beating of a human heart deep within the confines of the house. With her vampire hearing she knew the sound was coming from the kitchen, and she knew precisely how many steps were between her and him.

Part of her wanted to turn on her heel and run back to the house and the safety that came from him. One thing he had never done was judge her, and he'd had plenty of opportunities over the last six weeks. Six weeks: she hadn't set foot on the property in six weeks.

The other part, the part that had woken up when Klaus appeared, knew she couldn't run. She had to do this.

She drew in a deep breath and reached out to knock before the part that wanted to run won out. The air stilled in her lungs as she waited and counted the approaching footsteps.

"Lena?" Jeremy took a small step back when he saw her.

"Hey, Jer," she managed a small smile and just caught her hand before she could do a shy wave.

Jeremy stepped closer and looked down into her flickering eyes.

"Are you… you?"

Elena pressed her lips together to stop them from shaking and nodded once. She knew she had missed him, but she hadn't realized how much until he pulled her into a tight hug that might have hurt if she were still human. She closed her arms around his back and blinked away the moisture that flooded her eyes.

After a moment they shifted to sit on the porch swing and rocked back and forth gently. Every backward motion made a soft creak that told her it had been some time since they'd done any form of maintenance; they'd had very little time to do anything but attempt to juggle the supernatural mess that was their life.

She listened to the creaking and worried her bottom lip. She knew what she needed to do, but the words stuck in her throat. It was after several minutes when she had thoroughly bruised her lip.

"I'm sorry…"

He cut her off before she could launch into the speech she had prepared and spent two days going over in her head.

"Don't," he held up his hand, "do not apologize to me for that. If I'm going to blame anyone I'm going to blame Damon."

Elena shook her head and laughed bitterly.

"As much as I would love to blame Damon for all of my problems, I can't." She wrapped her fingers around the chain and crossed her ankles. Rolling her head to the side she felt shame corroding her internal organs. "I did some terrible things Jer. Nobody forced me to say what I did to you, or to kill that guy…"

It had taken her very little time to realize why Kol had wanted to keep tabs on her and to ensure she didn't take a life; he had known how she would react when the body count was totaled.

"Everything you did you never would have done if you hadn't flipped the switch, and you wouldn't have flipped the switch if you hadn't been bound to Damon."

"I might have done a few things eventually," Elena bit her bottom lip and tilted her head.

"I'm really hoping you're talking about the girl they caught you with and not the…"

"Man I drained?" Elena cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, Jer, I'm talking about her. Eventually I think I would have… maybe."

Jeremy shook his head and laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Just… you," he chuckled. "Could you imagine the look on Stefan and Damon's faces if you said see ya to both and choose Caroline or Bonnie?"

The image flashed unbidden through her mind and brought a smile to her face.

"You know…" she released the chain and tucked her hair behind her ear, "… when I imagined coming out as bi that was not the reaction I was expecting."

"Do you want me to yell instead and tell you you're disowned instead?" He turned to face her.

Elena shook her head and sighed.

"No," she smiled, "I like this better."

"Good," Jeremy smirked, "I don't think I could get through the tirade with a straight face."

"I'm still sorry," she held up her hand before he could tell her not to do it. "I turned it off Jer. It was me. I knew I couldn't stay as I was and I turned it off, and I'd rather not argue about whose really at fault because I see at as me. So… I'm sorry."

"You're not gonna let it go until I tell you its okay?" Jeremy sighed when she nodded. "I forgive you, Elena." He reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You're my sister; I'd probably forgive you for anything."

"Thank you," Elena closed her eyes and laid her head on his shoulder.

They lapsed into silence for several moments before he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck.

"What made you turn it on?"

Elena drew in a deep breath and straightened up. Her eyes zeroed in on the mailbox and the raised flag.

"Klaus…" her voice was barely more than a whisper. "Klaus showed up and daggered Kol."

A line appeared between Jeremy's brows. Last he had checked his sister couldn't have cared less about what happened to the Originals.

"That… that made you turn it on?" He shifted to watch her profile.

"I… I um," she cleared her throat and shifted on the swing. "I got mad… I got really mad."

"Why?" He tilted his head and frowned. "Don't get me wrong;" he held up his hands when she looked at him, "I'm glad you did it, but why? I don't understand."

Elena drew her bottom lip between her teeth and nibbled on the flesh that had returned to normal during their discussion. In a matter of seconds it was swollen again. Part of the last two days had been spent figuring out how she would ever make things up to her brother and friends, and the rest had been devoted to puzzling over the reason her switch had flipped back.

"He… he helped me. He cared, and when I… when I realized that Klaus was going to… going to steal more time I couldn't… I couldn't stop it." She brought her hands up to rub her temples and slid her fingers down to cover her lips. "He took me out the other night and told me why he had turned it off after the transition and I almost turned it on, but I ran. I ran until everything was buried again before going back."

She left out the part where she had kissed him and Kol had nearly made her flip it on in the ensuite. That was a conversation for girlfriends not for brothers.

"I came to ask you something." Elena straightened back up and faced him once more. "I want you to stop looking for the cure. I want you to stop killing vampires. I don't want it, Jer."

He tilted his head and searched her features.

"Is this about Kol?"

"Kol?" A line appeared between Elena's brows.

"You like him."

It was a statement of fact, and he knew he was right when she looked away and attempted to hide her blush.

"I… that's not…" she swallowed and exhaled. "It's about me Jer; it's my choice. I don't want the cure, and I'm not sure I ever really did."

He gave her a sceptical look but nodded all the same. He'd have a hard time getting Klaus off his back, but he was fairly confident that the hybrid wouldn't kill him. Heck, he might even respect Elena's decision and turn his sights around to the other. Jeremy might have helped in that case; he didn't like the other doppelganger and would have no problem condemning her to the life Klaus had once planned for Elena.

"Are you coming home?"

"If you'll have me," Elena looked up hopefully.

"Of course I'll have you," Jeremy wrapped an arm around her shoulder, "it's your house."

"Then I'm coming home," Elena smiled and stood up, "but first I need to get my things, and I have another apology to make." She had already spoken to Caroline and Bonnie, and had no desire to talk to the Salvatores yet, but there was one more person; one she had barely spoken to since flipping it back.

"I'll see you for dinner?" Jeremy lifted his brows hopefully. "We can order in your favorite Chinese food."

"I'm coming home Jer," Elena smirked, "you don't have to bribe me."

"Frozen pizza it is."

"Maybe a little bribery…" Elena laughed.

Jeremy was still grinning when she vanished from the front porch. He waited a minute before standing up and crossing the lawn to get the mail.

With the bills in his hand his lips turned down into a confused frown. After activating whatever it was that made him a hunter his senses had heightened, and the moment he picked up the bundle of paper the hair on the back of his neck stood on end.

He closed the box and looked around slowly but couldn't find a source. The strong sense that eyes were watching him wouldn't leave. Just when he was giving up and turning around the clouds shifted overhead and the sun caught on something across the street.

The light momentarily blinded him. He lifted his hand and blinked but before he could move the glint of sunlight shifted and he was knocked off his feet.

He glanced up from the novel when he heard the front door open and close. A few seconds later the sound of light footsteps came from down the hall. Climbing to his feet he picked up another book and flashed through the house to lean in the door.

He had stopped wondering why he reacted to her the way he did. He watched Elena folding clothes and knew the reason his heart wrenched. He stamped it down and managed a teasing smile.

"You're leaving me then?"

Elena tucked the jeans in her bag and looked up to see him standing with his hands behind his back.

"I think it's time I went home," she shrugged one shoulder, "don't you?" Her eyes dropped to her nearly packed duffle bag that Jeremy had brought after she decided to stay. "I've imposed long enough."

"You're not imposing, darling," he straightened up, "and you're welcome her anytime."

He smirked when the corner of her mouth tipped up. Her quick quip lacked any of the bite it had once held while her emotions were off.

"Careful, Kol, someone might start to think you care."

"I brought you something," Kol chuckled and moved into the room until he stood beside her at the foot of the bed. "A little something for turning it back on."

"You didn't have to do that," Elena's eyes darted to his arm that was still behind his back. She held up her hand in an attempt to stop him. "Seriously, you've done enough for me."

"Let me do one more thing," he caught her hand and felt a jolt of electricity shoot up his arm.

Elena held in her gasp at the contact and managed a small nod. Her breath hitched when his fingers grazed hers and a smooth book was placed in her palm.

She tore her gaze from his intense eyes and inhaled sharply. Her voice was little more than a breath of air.

"I thought I told you to burn this."

"Ask any of my siblings and they'll tell you that I never listen," he tilted his head.

"Maybe that's something you should work on," she traced the stamped 'E' in the green leather and smiled.

She sat the journal on top of her folded clothes and tucked her hair behind her ear. She knew how she felt about him, and a part of her didn't want to admit it because he was an Original and she shouldn't feel the way she did. Her friends would have called her crazy and done everything to convince her she was being stupid, and a few months ago it might have been enough to change her mind but things had changed. A part of her didn't care about what they thought; he had been nothing but kind to her even when she'd tried to kill him.

"Thank you," she bit her bottom lip, "I'm glad you didn't listen."

"You're welcome," he smiled. His eyes darted to her mouth and he had to force himself to stamp down his sudden desire to grab her hips and pull the lip she was biting into his own mouth.

"I uh…" Elena licked her lips and twisted her daylight ring around her finger. "I asked Jeremy to stop looking for the cure."

"I… Why would you do that?" Her words took a moment to register. "I thought you hated being a vampire."

Elena shrugged and bit into her bottom lip again.

"It's… it's not a choice I would have made," her eyes darted to his, "but unleashing hell on earth hardly seems worth it."

He blinked slowly and tilted his head to the side. The amused smile he had forced on fell to a deep frown. The thought of her choosing to die wasn't sitting well with him, but he couldn't understand how she had come to be where she was.

"Why transition at all then?"

Elena sighed and turned around to sit on the bed; her fingers traced the soft patterns in the bed spread. Just when he was giving up on ever getting an answer her voice became a breath of air in the room and drew him down onto the edge of the mattress beside her.

"My friends were in trouble; locked up with vervain being filtered in through the vents. Everybody was going to die… I was dying, but then one of the guards was shot. His blood…" she took a deep breath as the hazy memory surfaced. "His blood pooled and it leaked under the bars of my cell, and I… I…"

"You turned to save your friends."

"And your sister," she twisted on the bed to face him. "She was there too; probably the only one who would have survived."

His brows creased as the gears turned in his mind.

"You… you saved my sister after she killed you?"

"She had her reasons," Elena sighed. "Alaric would have come after all of you."

"You almost sound like you've forgiven her." He shifted on the bed so his knee brushed hers.

She pressed her lips together and inhaled slowly while mulling over her thoughts.

"I… I understand her. I can't say that I would have done the same thing, but I definitely would have done something drastic, so… yeah maybe I have." She released a self-deprecating laugh. "I've clearly got some deep psychological issues to work through."

He held the bag closed for her to zipper it.

"Luckily you've got an eternity to analyze yourself."

"I don't suppose you can recommend a good psychiatrist?" She met his laughing eyes.

"Sorry, love."

Her breath caught in her throat when she realized just how close they were sitting. She hadn't been this close to him since coming on to him in the bathroom.

Elena stood and slung her bag over her shoulder before she caved to her desire. She cleared her throat and pressed her lips together.

"About the other night…" she tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry I ran off, and I'm sorry if I… if I scared you."

"What makes you think you scared me?" He stood from the bed to stand in front of her.

"It might have had something to do with the 'self-preservation' comment," she smirked. Her amusement fell when he pulled her bag from her shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to drive you home."

"You don't have to," she reached for the bag.

"I know," he smirked and held the duffle out of her reach, "but I want to."

"Why?" She tilted her head.

"Maybe I'm not ready to say goodbye yet."

For the last two blocks Elena had been silent as she battled with that part of her that didn't want to get out of the car but she couldn't be silent when they turned onto her street.

"What's going on?" Her eyes darted from the crowd congregating around her house to the myriad of police cars with flashing lights.

Her heart seemed to have stopped in her chest. She couldn't hear it beating anymore; she couldn't hear anything over the piercing blare of the sirens.

In a daze she opened the car door and stepped out. She registered Kol a few steps behind her in the same way she knew where her hands were. The panic twisting her abdomen into a knot meant she didn't analyze the thought too much; in fact the idea flew from her mind as she got closer and closer to the house.

Through the line of deputies trying to hold her back she saw four people near the center of the circle. Three of which she recognized. Stefan and Damon were staring at the ground in shock when she pushed through with Kol, but it was the look of horror on Klaus' face that finally made her turn around.

An open mouth, wide unseeing eyes, and a mess of blood greeted her senses. Somewhere in the distance she heard someone screaming, but it wasn't until Kol's arms wrapped around her waist that she realized the inhuman sound was coming from her.

"Elena," Kol pulled her to his chest to keep her from falling onto the prone body. The smell of her salty tears mixed with the blood that was soaking into the grass. He saw Klaus murmuring to the Sheriff when Elena's capillaries darkened; he tightened his hold on the screaming brunette and attempted to quiet her down.

"Let's get this place cleared out," Liz waved to the deputies.

What do you think? Did anyone see this coming after the last chapter?

Anyway... there are three chapters left and unless I make major changes the last one is actually typed out. I wonder if I could finish this story before the new year?