Chapter 34: Worth It

Two days later, Lorelai's lingering feelings over her fight with Luke had not been resolved, much to her dismay. She tried taking Sookie's advice, but every time she found herself calm, she would think about the situation and would become angrier and more upset. Now, as she sat doing paperwork in the kitchen, another problem filled her head pertaining to what she would tell Rory. For the past few days, she had refrained from going to their nightly dinners at Luke's, and she knew there was only a short amount of time until Rory would begin to question. While deep in these thoughts, the door was thrown open, bringing Lorelai out of her trance.

"Mommy, I'm here," Rory yelled, skipping into the living room.

Meeting her there, Lorelai took Rory's bag of books and placed them on the table, then took the seat next to it. "Hey, sweets! Did you have fun reading with Lane?"

"Yeah. The special book at the library today was a book for little kids, but we read it anyway."

Laughing at her daughter's response, Lorelai answered with a smirk, "I hate to break it to you, hon, but you are a little kid."

"I know, but that book was too easy for me. I finished it, and then I read some of the book grandpa got me."

"Well, at least you had fun."

Walking over and plopping herself on the couch, Rory spoke plainly, "Mommy, all that reading made me hungry. Can we go to the diner?"

Still not sure of what to say about Luke, Lorelai decided to come up with a quick dinner alternative instead. "I don't know, hon. I was wanting some of Al's Chinese food tonight."

"But, we had Al's already…"

"We did, but I think I want it again."

With a slight whine in her voice, Rory continued to press. "But we haven't seen Daddy Luke a long time! I miss him."

"I miss him too, kid, but we just can't go. We can get pizza if you don't want Al's, and if you don't want any of that, I bet Sookie come over and fix us something if you asked her nice enough."

"I don't want Sookie or Pizza," Rory cried, "I want a burger and fries from the diner!"

For some reason, all the tension that Lorelai held inside suddenly came out at once. "Rory, I said no! We can't go, so just drop it!"

Silence fell on the room, and all that was heard was Lorelai's sigh of frustration over the whole situation. Dropping the pen from her hand, she looked up from the table and saw Rory's head drooped, and her demeanor immediately softened. "Rory," she said gently.

Rory looked up enough for Lorelai to see her lip quiver and her shiny eyes. Mentally kicking herself for taking her frustrations out on her daughter, she held out her arms. "Baby, come here."

With a sniffle, Rory slid slowly off the couch and walked over to her mother. Lifting her on to her lap, Lorelai placed a kiss on Rory's cheek. "I'm sorry, hon. I didn't mean to yell. Mommy has just had a rough week."

"I just wanted to see Daddy Luke," she whimpered in response.

"I know… I know you do. How about this? You go and brush your hair while I call Mia. I bet she'll take you to see Luke."

"But I want you to come."

Putting Rory on the floor, Lorelai placed a soft hand on her daughter's shoulder. "I know, but I can't. I think I'll just stay here and finish what I'm doing, and you can go have fun at the diner.

"Mommy…"

With a sad smile, she continued, "Rory, I just can't. I'll go back with you sometime, but not tonight."

"Okay… Can I bring back pie so we can eat it together?"

Plating another kiss on Rory's cheek, Lorelai answered, "Sure, hon. Get whatever kind you want, and we'll share it."

Once Rory finally left the room, Lorelai called Mia, who hesitantly agreed to the visit to the diner. As Mia arrived at the door, Rory was still in her room getting her socks and shoes on. Stepping outside, Lorelai pulled the door to in order to talk to her.

Acting as if she didn't know anything, Mia asked, "Is there a certain reason I'm taking Rory and not you?"

Shaking her head and looking down, Lorelai avoided her eyes. "I'm not sure I really want to talk about it."

"Did something happen with Lucas?" At Lorelai's silence, Mia gave her a encouraging hug. "Okay… well, I'm here if you need me. But just so you know, if something happened, make sure you think things through, and I mean really think, before you do anything."

Glad that Mia didn't press, Lorelai smiled. "Thanks for the advice… and thanks for taking Rory." Extending her hand, she placed money in Mia's hand, despite knowing that she would give it back to her at the end of the night. "Make sure that Rory remembers to get pie… She wants a mommy-daughter pie date later."

"I will."

Just as soon as Rory walked out to the porch, Mia took her hand, and off they went.

Closing the door softly behind her, Lorelai realized that once again, she was left all by herself. Sighing, she walked up stairs to her bedroom and dropped on the bed sadly. With slight hesitation, she grabbed the phone off the night stand and dialed a familiar number.

"Luke's"

Taking a deep breath, she tried to gather up the nerve to speak.

"Hello? Is someone there," Luke spoke gruffly, hoping that it wasn't another prank call.

Speaking quietly, Lorelai said, "Hey, it's me."

She heard the faint sound of shuffling on the other end as Luke kicked Caesar out of the kitchen. "Hey… you called."

Reigning in her nerves, she answered clearly, "Yeah, uh, I need a favor."

"Lorelai, you know I'd do anything for you."

Trying not to break down, she squeezed her eyes shut. "Rory and Mia are headed there because Rory wants to see you. She misses you. Please, please don't treat her any different than you normally would… she doesn't know anything, and I really don't think she needs to."

"I won't." Deciding to go out on a limb, Luke added, "And you're not coming?"

"I can't… not yet."

"Lorelai," he sighed, "If you'd just…"

"Luke don't," Lorelai answered, the plea evident in her voice, "I need more time."

"Okay…"

The line went silent, neither knowing what to say. After about a minute, Lorelai finally spoke. "Uh, well, I'm gonna go. I've got some paperwork to do for the inn. I love…" she faltered off, catching herself. Unwilling to leave the sentence unfinished, she whispered an inaudible "you".

A small grin appeared on Luke's face as he realized what she was about to say. "I love you too, Lorelai. Go do your paperwork."

As soon as he hung up, a tear slid down her cheek. Dropping her head roughly against her pillow, Lorelai groaned sadly and whispered to the room. "What am I going to do?"

Thinking back on Mia's advice to her, she decided to face what she'd been avoiding doing all week. "I've got to figure out how to fix all of this… Even if I have to stay up all night trying to decide what to do."

When the clock struck 3 am, with Rory snug in bed downstairs, Lorelai laid awake. After sorting through her thoughts for most of the night, she found the courage and proper mindset to do so, so she decided she could finally to make her trip to the diner.

Around 10 pm on Friday night, nearly a week after the fight, Luke was closing like normal when the bells above the door chimed. Not bothering to leave the kitchen, Luke shouted, "We're closed."

He stood listening but the doors never chimed again. Walking out into the dining room, he began gruffly, "I said…" but before he could finish, he noticed who the customer was. "Lorelai…I"

"No," she interrupted quickly, "Not down here. Upstairs, and I'm talking first."

Deciding against protesting, Luke turned quickly and headed upstairs. Lorelai slowly followed, but she eventually reached the apartment and closed the door slowly behind her.

Remembering Lorelai wanted to go first, Luke sat quietly on the couch, waiting for her to speak. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally did, but not before the tears pooled in her eyes. He wanted to do nothing more than jump off the couch, grab her, and kiss her, but he knew she wouldn't want him to, so he waited.

With an exasperated, Lorelai spoke emotionally, "Gah, Luke, I have been miserable."

"I know," he responded quietly.

"No, you don't know," Lorelai answered, her voice suddenly turning soft, "I yelled at Rory."

"You yelled at Rory?"

"I did… and that was the last straw. We have to talk Luke! I know I'm the one that has been avoiding you for the past week, and I know that the prospect of talking is what got us into this mess, but we've got to. We've got to resolve this one way or another! I can't go on like this!"

Sighing, Luke looked her dead in the eyes, "Okay… Let's talk."

Shaking her head in frustration, Lorelai spoke with a voice filled with sadness and pain. "Luke, do you even know how mad I am at you? You said the one thing that I hate most in this world! Do you even know how much it hurt me to hear you say that?"

Unsure of whether the question was rhetorical, Luke answered hesitantly but gently, "I do."

"I just… wait, what," she responded with a slightly confused tone.

"I said, I do. I know how bad it hurt you. I knew when I said it. And Mia talked to me about it… About what Christopher said."

"Of course, she did." Walking herself to the center of the room, Lorelai turned away from him as her tears finally began to fall. "Luke, I never thought that you, of all people, would say that to me! Maybe I'm overreacting, but I have been crying, crying so much because I don't know what to think!" As she continued on her rant, she wrapped her arms protectively around her middle and began to cry harder. "And all I have wanted to do is run to you, because you're my best friend, but you are the one who hurt me! You have taken over my life Luke! You are my food provider, my best friend, my boyfriend, Rory's father figure, and most importantly, the one person since Rory who I thought truly loved me, despite all the shit that I have in my life! I love you Luke, and you hurt me!"

Unable to sit still any longer, Luke closed the gap between them and brought her into his arms. He held her tightly to his chest, whispering reassurance to her, until the shaking and sobbing stopped. Once she grew quiet, Luke took the opportunity to speak, knowing that if there was a time he needed to use his words, this was it.

"Lorelai," he spoke softly, trailing his fingers through her hair and down her back, "I love you so much, and I am so sorry. I was not talking about Rory when I said that. She is so important to me; I love that girl like she's my own, and I would never say that she was a mistake. She's not a mistake, and neither are you. If there's one thing I want you to believe, that's it. Once those words came out of my mouth, I knew what they sounded like, and I regretted them."

"Luke," she mumbled in quiet response against his chest, "Please tell me you are being honest… I can't be with someone who thinks of Rory as a mistake. You're not just lying to me to save your ass, right?"

"Hell no… I really wasn't talking about Rory. I was just saying I wanted to think things through so I don't make a life altering mistake… not that you have already made a mistake."

For a few minutes, silence filled the room as they both processed. Slowly, Lorelai began to shift. Nuzzling into Luke's neck, she spoke quietly. "Luke, I have never needed someone as much as I need you. I don't know how you did it, but you've weaseled your way into my heart… but I need to know that you know why I was mad. Yes, Rory was an accident, but she is not a mistake… I may be, but she is not."

Planting a kiss to her hair, Luke answered in a whisper, "He was wrong. He was completely wrong… Neither of you are."

Finally gathering enough courage to look him in the eye, Lorelai lifted her head and said, "I'm still upset with Chris to this day for saying that to me… and you promised you wouldn't be like him…" she faltered off. "But Luke," she continued with a voice once again full of emotion, "You said you didn't mean it, and I believe you. I forgive you. I have to… I love you."

Releasing the breath he was holding, he replied with a soft "I love you too" and brought her lips to his, kissing her softly. When they broke apart, he rested his forehead against hers and whispered, "Gah, I've missed you."

"Me too… Me too."

They stood in silence for a few minutes, just holding each other. When Luke tried to let go, Lorelai pulled him closer, relaxing against his chest.

"Lorelai, It's late. You have to get back to Rory."

"She's spending the night with Sookie, and she'll come to the inn with her tomorrow morning," she mumbled, "I came here to get you back or to leave you for good… Either way, I would have needed some time to myself." Leaning her head back, she looked up at him with a smile, "And now that I have you, I'm not ready to leave."

A small laugh escaped Luke's lips. "Good. I didn't want you to." Placing his thumb under her chin, she lifted her head to his to kiss her slowly.

Eventually growing unhappy with the pace he chose, Lorelai ran her tongue along his bottom lip, hoping to gain access to more of him. Deciding to ignore her request, Luke continued to plant slow, loving kisses on her lips.

With each passing second, Lorelai became increasingly impatient. Taking matters into her own hands, she pulled her lips from his, marking a trail from his jaw back to his ear, nipping and drawing softly on his skin.

"Lorelai," he groaned quietly.

"Shhh," she mumbled.

Slowly, Lorelai made her way back to his where he took control, dropping his lips to the spot at the base of her neck he knew would drive her crazy.

"Oh, Luke," she moaned breathlessly.

Craving more contact, Lorelai moved closer as worked the buttons of her blouse, sliding it off her shoulders. Doing the best not to tear his lips form her neck longer than needed, Luke worked off his t-shirt and grabbed her waist, connecting their bare skin. A moan escaped Lorelai's lips as her hands began moving up and down the planes of his back; her hips jerked, grinding up against his. Noticing their distance from the bed, Luke patted her hip. Taking his cue, she lifted and wrapped her legs around his waist and he made his way over.

"I love you, Luke. I need you," Lorelai whispered softly.

Placing her lightly on the bed, he hovered over her with a smile. As he lowered his lips back down to hers, both of their hearts were filled with happiness, knowing that they were going to be just fine.

"That… wow." Luke spoke quietly, finally having caught his breath.

"I know… we are too damn good at that."

A laugh escaped his lips as he leaned in and kissed her temple. "I don't know if it is possible to be "too damn good" but if it is, then that was it."

As both of them recovered, they laid comfortably, whispering sweet nothings and sharing chaste pecks, simply enjoying their reconciliation.

"Hey Luke," Lorelai questioned as she rolled off of Luke and turned to face him, "I hate to interrupt our "afterglow" but… uh, can we talk now?"

Luke's brow furrowed as he scanned his mind for what she could be talking about. Tucking a stray curl behind her ear, he spoke carefully, "I thought we already talked."

"We did… at least, we did about what you said in the fight, but now about… you know.:

Noting her hesitation, Luke filled in the blanks, finally realizing what she was talking about. "But we didn't talk about what caused it."

"Yeah," Lorelai added, suddenly becoming shy. "Luke… Why wouldn't you want to discuss moving in or spending the night? Do you not want any of that to happen," she spoke, her tone suggesting she was a little hurt?

Sighing, Luke reached out to stroke her cheek gently. "Lorelai, I don't want you to think this has something to do with whether or not I love you or want a future with you… It's just, spending the night me and you is different than me spending the night at your house when Rory is around."

"But you've spent the night when Rory was around before. Need I remind you of the sleep over we had a while back?" Planting a quick kiss to his chest, she continued, "Luke… Rory being home wouldn't set you off like that. What's really wrong here?"

"Rory really is a part of it."

"But what's the other part," Lorelai pushed.

"You really want to know?"

"Yeah," she smiled kindly, showing she was willing to listen, "I really do."

"The thing is, moving in scares me… once people move in together, their lives become intertwined, and if, heaven forbid, something changes, there's no way to make a clean escape."

While processing his words, a lightbulb went off in Lorelai's head. "Rachel?"

Nodding at her question, Luke continued tentatively. "Yeah, Rachel. The last time she was here, she stayed a while, and I really thought it was work." A grimace quickly appeared on his face. "I'm not so sure you really want to hear this."

Lorelai pecked his lips quickly, and as she leaned back, she reassured him, "It's okay. I want to know."

"Okay… after a few months, we got engaged, and she moved in with me. That's when everything went downhill. After a month or so, she was complaining one night that things were too much of a commitment for her, and the next morning, she was gone. There was no warning, no goodbye, no note. She just left."

"Are you serious," Lorelai questioned with wide eyes.

"Yeah…"

"Gah, Luke," she groaned, frustrated, "I hate that she did that to you." Running her hands down his arms, she took Luke's hands in hers. "I'm glad you brought it up to me, though... and that you trust me enough to talk about it."

"I've never told anyone what happened, you're the first to know." Luke informed her with a shrug.

Planting a feather-light kiss on the back of his hand, Lorelai looked him in the eyes and spoke confidently, "Luke… I need you to know that I'm not her, nor will I ever be… Just like you're not him. I'm settled here. I won't screw you over like that."

Sighing, Luke answered, "That's what it was that started this whole mess. When you brought moving in up, I was afraid you'd be like her, and my mind immediately went back into defense mode. I'm sorry."

"It's okay… but I can't read your mind. You've been pretty good about sharing things with me so far. What's so different about your past with Rachel?"

"You know me, Lorelai. I'm only good at talking to you, but talking about an ex with you is not something I like to do… You probably don't want to hear about it anyway."

Shaking her head, Lorelai responded with a smile, "That's where you're wrong. I want to know, Luke. I want to know anything you have to say… Of course, knowing that someone else has seen your masterpiece of a body or fought with you and had fantastic makeup sex afterward makes my skin crawl, but as long as we stay away from that topic…"

Laughing, Luke brought his lips to hers and pulled her closer to him. "You're crazy."

"What? Are you denying that you have a hot bod? I have to tell you, I think it's pretty top notch," she teased, poking his chest for emphasis.

"No, I know I look good," Luke responded with a smug grin, "But, I'm talking about the fighting thing."

"What do you mean? Are you telling me that you never fought with Rachel and made up like we did?"

Shrugging, Luke looked at her with a plain face.

"You never fought with Rachel," Lorelai questioned with a gaping mouth. Stunned, she mumbled, "Boy, that makes me feel like crap."

Shaking his head, Luke quickly assured her, "No… don't. You've got it wrong. Yeah, we had spats, but looking back, I noticed I didn't really fight with her because I didn't want to put in the effort."

"But I'm worth the effort," Lorelai questioned, cocking her head.

Not responding, Luke just grinned and nodded.

A brilliant smile spread across her face, and she leaned in to kiss him sweetly. "I like that." Pulling back, Lorelai reached up to trace his cheek, "Anyway, babe… I lean on you all the time… For the record, I will do my best to not jump to conclusions, but you have to promise me that you'll stop holding things in and trust that I'll be on your side or I'll compromise."

Truly hearing her words, a grin appeared on Luke's face. Chuckling, he spoke, "I really am an idiot… Why did I do this?"

"Because you're scared… Our lives really are becoming intertwined."

"Uh, yeah, that's what I was thinking… but after talking this out, I'm not really scared of it anymore."

"No," Lorelai questioned with a grin.

"No," he answered softly, drawing her in for a loving, lingering kiss.

"Mmmmm…" she hummed with a smile as she pulled back, "So about this spending the night at the house thing. I don't think we're ready to completely move in together."

Nodding in agreement, Luke replied, "I don't either."

"But… I wouldn't mind you spending the night maybe once or twice a week."

"Okay, but what about Rory," he questioned, concern evident in his voice, "She's used to just you being around, and I don't want to mess that up."

"You know, if she hated you, I would be more worried… but she doesn't. She loves you, babe."

An unapologetic grin appeared on Luke's face.

Tracing his lips with her finger, Lorelai added, "See, you know she loves you… Maybe once school gets started in a few weeks and Rory gets used to being in school again, you can spend the night just to change the dynamics, and we will see how things go… What do you think?"

"I think I'd like that."

"And I think I like your answer," Lorelai smiled, pushing Luke softly onto his back.

"Okay then," he laughed, "May I help you?"

"Yep." Crawling on top of him, she straddled him and kissed him sweetly. "So, we've made up, we've decided you're gonna spend the night, and we're still alone. Any ideas on what to do now?"

Smirking, Luke reached out and rubbed her hips. "I don't know… We could watch tv or read a book. Maybe we should play a card game or two."

Leaning down to him, she drew lightly on the skin of his neck. "Good ideas, but I was looking for something more physical."

To give her better access, Luke tilted his head, and added lightheartedly, "We could always go for a run."

Pulling back with a laugh, Lorelai smacked his chest playfully, "I think you know better than to even suggest that."

Luke looked at her with a seductive smirk playing on his face. "Well then, how are you going to take advantage of your time?"

Trailing a finger down his chest, she rocked slightly against him, drawing a moan from his throat. "I think I want to take advantage of something other than time…" Slowly, she leaned back down to nibble on his ear and whispered, "Something like you."

A growl rumbled deep in his throat. "I like the way you think."

A/N: I am hesitant with posting this chapter because I am not sure how y'all will take it. We didn't get to see Luke show his emotions a lot, and he wasn't good for more than a few words at a time when it came to emotional situations. I thought I always imagined it would be a little different behind closed doors. We also didn't get to see Luke share his feelings about a lot of things, especially concerning Rachel. I always thought that some of the hesitance he had in relationships probably stemmed from her flightiness. Sorry if any of this seems out of character to you, but this is how I saw a situation like this playing out between Luke and Lorelai. I hope you enjoyed it, though!