A/N: Big thanks to Ravenshell for being my beta!

Chapter 43

Tick tock. It's almost time.

I turn up the volume on my cassette player until my ears ache from the growling sounds of saxophones and trombones.

I like jazz. I think it will make a magnificent background music as you paint the wall with the blood of your family tonight.

I gasp, sitting up abruptly as images of crimson gore splatter across my mind before I open my eyes to see the blood-free walls of my room. Out of habit I rub my hands over my body. I haven't changed. I'm still me.

You've always been you, Donatello. In a few days, you'll be more like you than you've ever been in your life.

Another flash of carnage taints my thoughts. Shaking my head of its lies, I swing my legs over the side of the bed as vertigo makes me clutch my bed sheets. After a few deep breaths, I grip the IV pole beside my bed and hoist myself up. I frown at the pull of the needle taped to my arm. I haven't been able to keep much food down, thus the need for the intravenous fluids. I don't trust the metal pole and immediate reach for my bo staff to steady myself. The textured wood is familiar and comforting in my hands as I slog from my room.

Everyone is asleep, which is ideal for the plan I have in mind. The less oppositions, the better.

Can you hear them breathing? ...Their little hearts pumping blood through their bodies? Can you smell them? Isn't that aroma intoxicating?

I can sense my family's presence in their designated rooms and their scents infiltrate my nasal cavity provoking hunger sensations that frighten me, but I don't answer the beast behind my mental wall. I won't give it the satisfaction of—

Satisfaction of what Donatello? Of embracing your true nature?

I sigh as I lean against my trusty bo. As much as I complain about my stick of a weapon, it always comes through for me when I truly need it whether it's impaling the face of a Kraang bot or simply keeping me upright as I make the slow trek to the my lab. I try to be as quiet as possible as I roll and gently thump the bumpy concrete floor with my IV pole and bo staff respectively.

My body is already damp and warm from exertion by the time I step into my lab. The space seems a little cleaner than I remember. I can only assume one of my brothers cleaned up while I was bedridden the past couple of days. Making my way toward the garage space, I run the fingers of my normal hand over the hood of the Shellraiser. I miss working on my baby; it feels like ages instead of a month since I've been under her hood. I steel my thoughts. Now is not the time for distractions. In the corner of the room I find what I'm looking for. I sigh at the tube connected to my arm. This will only get in the way. As carefully as I can with my taloned-hand, I pull the IV tubes from my arm. There, free of hindrances. I take a step forward only for a wave of vertigo to strike, forcing me to lean more heavily on my staff.

Easy there, lightweight. We're not whole yet, but we will be soon. Tick tock.

The menacing chuckle only drives my determination as I bend over to grip the chains we once used to bind Leatherhead. I loop the chains around my mutated arm and carry the additional weight with ease to the vertical pipe near an adjacent wall.

I know what you're planning and it won't work.

"Yes it will," I answer the beast as I tighten the chains around the pipe.

You really think this will hold us? You truly underestimate our strength.

"There is no us. Just me and, unfortunately, you." I grunt as my mutated arm twitches painfully of its own accord. With my weaker arm, I wrap the chains around the monstrosity, yanking hard enough to cut off circulation to the limb.

Acceptance will make this process so much easier...and enjoyable too.

"No!" I grit my teeth as I tighten the chain around my arm. "I won't accept this. I'll die before I let you turn me into some savage animal!"

Pain over pleasure? ...have it your way.

White hot agony pierces my chained arm. Something inside my shoulder stretches, grinding against the cuff of my shell. I gasp as something cracks. My brain shuts down any further thought process as I drop to my knees clutching my shoulder. My screams are muted by shock as my fight with pain tolerance is lost in seconds. I cough, trying to catch my breath as I lean my burning shoulder against the cool pipe beside me.

My late night trip to the kitchen for tea is sidetracked by the fluorescent glow coming from the lab. Donnie's been pretty antsy about being too sick to work in his lab, so I've been keeping it clean and neat for him. I was certain I turned off the lights. Stepping closer to the lab, I hear muffled sounds and metallic shuffling that turn my ninja senses up to maximum alert. Even without my katanas, I'm ready to take down this mystery intruder. My readiness diminishes slightly when I realize it is only Donatello, but is quickly replaced with worry when I see my younger brother chained awkwardly to a metal pipe.

"Donatello!" I rush to him, kneeling in front of his half-limp form. "What happened?" I ask him as I try to unravel his scaly arm from the heavy chains wrapped around it. His eyes are wet and slightly glazed. I work faster to free his arm from the metal entanglement, only slowing down marginally when he hisses in pain. "I'm sorry," I mumble as I handle the limb more gently. Even with my careful treatment, I can't avoid the layer of skin from his arm that falls off with the chains. That's when I notice his mutated arm has doubled in size, becoming grossly disproportionate with the rest of his body. "Your… your arm… it grew." His face is a blank mask, but the small tremors running over his body are evidence of his current shock. "It's okay, it's okay." I try to soothe him as I rub my hand up and down his other arm. His skin feels warm. He's running a fever again. "Can you tell me what happened?...Who chained you?" I keep my voice soft and level even though anger courses through my mind at the sight of my brother bound to a pipe like a rabid animal. He mumbles something as his head slumps to his chest. Asking him again, I hold his chin up so I can hear him.

"I did." A frown of shock creases my brow as he turns his head away from me.

"Why?"

"For protection."

"You don't have to worry about anyone hurting you, Donatello. We won't let that happen."

"No. Not for me, for all of you. I don't want to hurt anyone. If… if I'm here, I won't hurt anyone." When he finally looks at me there's a haunted look in his eyes that leaves a cold heaviness in the pit of my stomach. "That's why you have to stop me before I break free. It'll be too late when I break free." His face scrunches in pain as he speaks. Despite the frailty of his voice his words are sturdy and sure.

"I'm not letting you tie yourself up like a wild animal. We'll stop the mutation, but not like this."

"No. You can't stop it by saving me. You have to stop it—permanently. Do you understand?" He stares at me with an intensity that makes me nervous and fearful for his mental state. "If the transformation doesn't kill me then I've estimates my strength will be three times what it is now so these restraints won't hold me long. If… if you can't find where Splinter hid the euthanasia, then just use your katanas... It'll be quick and painless."

As my brother squirms from the inescapable pain in his body, I can't believe what he is asking me to do. My katanas are for protecting my family not destroying it. "I won't need to do that. We'll find a cure," I manage to tight-lipped reply, not liking the way this conversation is going.

"Stop it, just stop! Don't make me the only logical one here. I need you to understand, to be realistic, because I can't do this by myself."

"Donnie, I know you're scared, but…"

"Leo, I'm beyond scared right now. I'm terrified."

"Everything will be fine."

"Don't patronize me, I have a valid reason for being afraid."

As I rub my hand over the top of his head, I can feel the growing warmth and beads of sweat are already forming on his brow. "You're sick. Let's get you back to bed."

"This isn't just a bad case of the flu, Leo. This is only going to end one of two ways: I'm going to die or I'm going to kill you all. I won't let the latter happen, Leo… I won't." There's a heavy guilt and conviction in my brother that doesn't belong to him and I would bear it if I could.

"We'll find a cure, it won't come to that," I repeat, refusing to believe any form of truth dwells in his factual words.

"There's a 75 percent chance that it will come to that and the odds are growing every day." With effort, hee holds up his new larger arm to prove his point. "And when it does finally happen, you have to end this." He motions to the metal bonds that he was entangled in just moments ago. "These chains won't hold me forever, but they'll give you guys time to say goodbye and—"

"I won't kill my own brother!"

"I WON'T BE YOUR BROTHER ANYMORE!" His teary outburst takes me by surprise as his logic takes a backseat and his true fears begin to burn through his emotionless mask. "Please... I don't want to be a mindless beast. Promise me. Leonardo, please promise me."

My glossy eyes mirror his as I stare at him with every ounce of older brother authority I can muster. "You will always be my brother. Always. I won't let anything bad happen to you." I pull him by the back of his shell until he's snugly against my side as I lean us against the wall behind us.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," he mutters between sniffles.

"Fair enough. How about this: if bad stuff happens you won't be alone, okay?" Sitting cross-legged I hold as much of my little brother as possible. That's when I notice crack along the upper rim of his carapace. It must have happened when his arm grew. The bridge where his carapace and plastron meet under his arm is partially broken, a sizeable piece on the floor beside me. Looking down at my lap, I see the shaky rise and fall of Donnie's ribcage where the side skin beneath his shell is now exposed. "Donnie, I think we should take a better look at your side." I whisper, not to be quiet, but to conceal the tremble in my voice as I gently try to shift Donnie into a more upright position. I breathe deeply through my nostrils as I immediately face resistance. When I try to move him again without success, I settle for leaning my back against the wall again and rub my hand pacifyingly over the ridges of my brother's carapace. "It's okay." I'll check the bridge of his shell later. Right now, my brother just needs me to be here.

I nod into my big brother's chest at the promise of not being alone. Leonardo hugs me tighter and I let him, despite the ache in my shoulder socket. He hasn't hugged me like this since we were kids; before I knew the boogieman wasn't real and thunderstorms couldn't hurt me; before I knew more than Leo—when I was still afraid of everything.

Those were the hugs that made me believe my big brother could protect me from anything, but now I know better. He can't protect me from the entrancing voice of the beast that is steadily drilling a hole through the mental wall in my mind; he can't protect me as my body revolts against me, transforming me into the very epitome of a monstrosity. Despite this knowledge, I relish the security of his embrace. As he tries to move me, I tense unable to stop the juvenile resistance, fear overwhelming at the thought of being separated from my brother at the moment. Logically, it makes no sense to remain cradled in my brother's embrace while my shoulder and side burn with pain, but if I've learned anything at all in this ordeal it's that some things are ridiculous to the mind, but make perfect sense to the soul.

I shakily look up into my brother's eyes to anchor me. Without this steady reassurance, I fear I will be carried away into the raging storm of horror consuming my body.

TBC...

A/N: This chapter was a little short but full of bro feels! Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a review! You guys always leave the most awesome reviews. I love reading your thoughts and theories of the story so far and what you think will happen. And those of you leaving your reviews/comments on Tumblr, I see ya'll! Thanks, you guys are awesome! The next chapter will be a bit more light-hearted from a perspective we haven't seen in awhile ;)

See you next chapter,

Poetique