Chapter 38: All I Need

As everyone took their seats, the questions continued to be aimed at Rory.

"I hear you started the first grade," Richard spoke with interest, "How do you like it?" The mutual admiration between Rory and Richard was seen by everyone at the table.

"It's fun! We're learning about adjectives… I think that's what they're called. And Mrs. Elliot is teaching me how to add two-digit numbers because I know how to add the little numbers already."

Both Luke and Lorelai couldn't help but smile at Rory's excitement.

"We're also writing stories about our summer. Mine is about when me and Mommy went shopping for our house."

At the conclusion of Rory's statement, everyone in the room froze. Lorelai, realizing that she hadn't told her parents about her latest purchase, shifted uncomfortably, reaching for Luke's hand under the table.

Clearing his throat, Richard spoke first. "Lorelai… You didn't tell us that you got a new house."

Taking a deep breath, she looked over and met her father's glance. The look she saw in his eyes was not one of anger, which reassured her. "Uh, yeah Dad. I did get a new house. It happened a little while after you guys left for the Vineyard."

At her confirmation, Lorelai saw two completely different reactions from her parents. Emily's eyes narrowed as her lips pursed, but from Richard, she was met with a soft smile.

"Well… that's a big deal. Congratulations."

Matching his smile with one of her own, she responded quietly, "Thank you Dad."

The only noise that soon filled the room was the sound of silverware clattering on plates.

Suddenly puzzled, Richard prodded, "Say, if you moved, how did the number I have for you work?"

Shrugging, Lorelai looked up from her plate. "I kept the same number that I had for the phone that Mia let me borrow at the inn."

"Well that was very kind of her."

"I know. She thought it would be easier for me to keep the number so I didn't have to change anything over. She said she didn't need that number for anything inn related anyway."

Out of the blue, Emily interrupted the conversation between father and daughter, her tone filled with dismay. "I'm sorry, but I think the phone number Lorelai has is the last thing we should be concerned about."

Knowing an attack was probably coming, Lorelai tried to keep her emotions in check. "So, what should we be concerned about the, mother?"

"I'm concerned about how you bought it. How in the world did you purchase a house, Loreai?"

Aware that her anger was about to get the better of her, Lorelai responded carefully, "Well, I bought the house with this thing called money that, as I found out, doesn't actually grow on trees."

Rolling her eyes, Emily countered sternly, "Lorelai, don't mock this situation. A maid's salary is hardly enough to buy a suitable home… That is, if you bought a suitable home. Did you even buy a livable space for your child?"

Slamming her fork loudly on the table, Lorelai spoke lowly. "Don't even insinuate that I would put Rory in a home that is not good enough for her to live in. Her wellbeing is the most important factor of every decision I make. I bought a good house; I even had some of Luke's professional inspector friends check it out before I signed the papers."

"Oh, well if Luke's friends checked it out, it must be fine," Emily responded, bitterness filling her voice.

Rory, unaware of the abhorrence in her grandmother's voice spoke up. "Mommy picked a good house. I love our house, Grandma. I have my own room, and Daddy Luke made me some shelves so that I have room for all my books!"

Seeing the happiness on her granddaughter's face, Emily tried to hold back her snide remark. "Well, either way, Lorelai, how am I supposed to believe that you were able to purchase a home?"

Calming down, hoping the dispute was ending, Lorelai added quietly, "I'm no longer a maid… I'm a manager now."

In an attempt to keep the conversation away from the house, and also out of pride in his daughter, Richard spoke with a smile. "That is quite the accomplishment, Lorelai. I'm proud of you for advancing your position."

"Thank you, Daddy."

Pursing her lips at her husband's complement, Emily was not deterred from the topic at hand. "It's no matter… Even with a slight change in salary, you and I both know that you don't have the means to purchase a house on your own."

Trying to interject, Richard pled, "Emily…" but his voice went unheard.

"Is that why you're still dating this man," Emily accused, "Did he help you?"

Knowing things were about to get out of hand, Lorelai shot her eyes over to Luke. "Luke, please…"

Emily, confused by Lorelai's plea, looked over to see Luke, who was clearly working his jaw, trying to keep from getting involved in the argument. Taking a deep breath, he stood up and answered, "I know." Walking around the table, he picked up Rory to take her out of the room.

"And just where do you think you're taking Rory?" Emily questioned hatefully.

"Mom… stop. Let him go. I am not having Rory in the room to hear the rest of this conversation." As soon as he left the room, in a cool, warning voice, Lorelai continued, "I'm with Luke because I love him. I would never be so shallow to date someone for their money."

Shaking her head in disbelief, her mother countered snidely, "Well, it's a genuine concern… How is the money situation, Lorelai? How is your money holding up?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your money! I'm not completely aware of what your financial situation was before you took this on, but I know for a fact that you couldn't have enough money to successfully purchase a house without help. How much do you have left?"

Amazed that her mother had the boldness to question her like she was, Lorelai responded, raising her voice. "Plenty! I have plenty of money left, mother!"

Not wanting his wife to push their daughter away again, Richard tried to interject. "Emily, I'm not so sure this is the time to discuss this."

"Why of course it is Richard!"

"No, it's not mom! This was supposed to be a civil family meal…" Lorelai spat, her voice dripping with anger, "But I guess you're gonna drag it out of me anyway, so yes, I got a loan! Is that what you wanted to hear? I don't have enough money to do to buy something outright, so I used my other option! I know loans and the Gilmores don't go together, but I did what I had to do for me and for Rory!"

"Emily, Lorelai is a grown woman," Richard pled, "I don't like the idea of her taking out loan either, but she has, and there is nothing we can do about it now."

"You're being ridiculous, Richard! This is a family. It's a family's responsibility to make sure this doesn't happen. We have a reputation to uphold! How would it look if our friends found out that our daughter failed in making enough money and turned to a bank?"

"Failed," Lorelai questioned loudly in disbelief, "Now I'm a failure because I used my resources to provide a home for my daughter? Are you kidding me?" Pushing her chair back from the table, Lorelai stood up and turned directly to her mother. "You know what? I don't give a damn anymore!"

Cut off by her father, Richard scolded, "Lorelai, language. Do not talk to your mother that way."

Shooting all of her anger over toward him, she countered, "No Dad! I'm tired of having this conversation over and over again!" Turning back to face her mother, Emily could see the fire in Lorelai's eyes. "You may see me as a failure, mother, but I am no longer under your roof, so I don't give a damn what you think about me anymore. I am happy! I am so happy! I have the most amazing child and boyfriend, and I have a town full of crazies who love and support me anytime I need it! They are all I need! So you can take your opinions of me and shove them in the same place that you hide the love you're supposed to have for me!"

Following her outburst, neither of her parents had a response. With tears stinging her eyes, Lorelai stormed out of the dining room, preventing herself from breaking down in front of them. On her way out, she heard Richard command in a low voice, "Emily… that was completely uncalled for."

Hearing her coming, Luke got up from the couch with Rory and met her at the door. After retrieving their coats, all three went out the door, never looking back.

The drive back to Lorelai's house was silent. Too silent for Luke's liking. In the back seat, Rory had fallen asleep about five minutes after they left the elder Gilmore home. Next to him, Lorelai sat, head in her hands, completely quiet.

As they pulled into the driveway, Lorelai finally looked up; a distraught look filled her face. Turning to him, she uttered quietly, "You don't have to say." Reaching for the door, she was stopped by Luke grabbing her arm.

"I don't have to, but I'm going to."

Without being asked, Luke gathered Rory from the back seat, taking her inside. As he placed her on the bed, he turned to Lorelai, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Why don't you get her changed and tucked in then head up to bed? I'll wash whatever dishes are in the sink and lock up." As she nodded her head slightly in agreement, Luke turned to leave the room.

After the water filled the sink, he stole a glance into Rory's room and saw Lorelai lingering a little longer than usual on the edge of Rory's bed, looking at her daughter with what appeared to be eyes full of doubt. Catching his gaze as she walked out of her daughter's room, Lorelai smiled a sad smile and turned to head upstairs.

Walking into the bedroom 10 minutes later, Luke found Lorelai sitting on the end of her bed, dressed in the flannel she confiscated, crying with her head in her hands. Silently and immediately, he made his way over, gathering her into his arms and pulling her down with him onto the bed, letting her get it get it all out.

Once her sobs subsided, a hoarse "I'm sorry," escaped her lips.

"For what," Luke pressed tenderly, planting a kiss to her temple.

Shaking her head, she wiped her eyes and sat up, "I didn't mean to lose it. I thought I'd be done crying before you got up here. You shouldn't have to deal with me like this."

"Then who else will deal with you like this? Rory?"

"I normally just keep this stuff to myself… I've been doing it for years, and I can continue to. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

Pulling her shoulder lightly, he brought her back down to him and sighed. "Lorelai, I will always worry about you… What do you need me to do?"

When she looked back at him, Luke could see the vulnerability in her eyes.

"You know that 'making me feel better' thing we talked about earlier," Lorelai mumbled hesitantly.

"Yeah."

"I could really use that right now," she added softly, snuggling into his side.

Trailing his fingers through her hair, Luke countered her. "I don't think there's anything I can say… I just think you need to get it all out."

As much as she tried to, Lorelai couldn't meet his gaze. Not sure she wanted to tell him everything, she whispered a quiet, "I can't…"

"Lorelai…" Tilting her face up to his, Luke brought her lips to his in a passionate kiss. "I love you." Stroking her hair back from her face, he added, "Baby, you can talk to me."

Despite the sorrow she felt, his use of the pet name for her caused a bit of happiness to shoot through her. Realizing the sincerity in his voice, she finally looked him in the eyes. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything… anything you want me to know… What was life like as Lorelai Gilmore?"

Releasing her breath, Lorelai wore a shaky grin. "I don't think you really want to know… You say you do, but…"

"Hey," Luke prodded tenderly, "I've told you a lot of my life's story and about Rachel, and you have listened every time. It's my turn to listen to you."

Hesitating, she answered with a breathy, "Okay." Kissing him short but full of emotion, Lorelai spoke slowly. "Babe, living in the Gilmore household was like living in prison; I was never allowed to make a mistake. I would get punished for the most innocent things. When I was around Rory's age, I accidentally knocked a cup of juice onto my dress while I was eating dinner with my dad. When my mother came in and saw the stain, she sent me to my room for the rest of the night. I cried myself to sleep… What she didn't realize was that I heard her voice when she came in the door, and I knocked my juice into my lap because I was rushing to get up to see her! She had been out of down for a DAR function that Dad and I couldn't go to, and I was just excited to see her! Can you imagine a time when I was actually excited to see Emily?"

Simply shaking his head in disbelief, Luke pressed, "Go on."

"Luke, my life was filled with circumstances like that. Every time I did something wrong, I felt like I was a disappointment. My parents never noticed the good things I did… only the bad. Everything culminated my freshman year when I started at Saint Paul's. I was successful. I was at the top of my class, and I worked hard, but it still wasn't enough. I had 'acquaintances' but they weren't real friends… I was just a social obligation. I tried as hard as I could to find something to hold on to, some kind of solid ground, but no matter what I did, I felt alone. I was failing. One night, I overheard my parents arguing about me again, and I just couldn't take it anymore! I was just a burden to everyone. The combination of the hell at school and the hell at home just made me feel worthless. That night, I went over to this girl Missy's house, and I took a few too many pills… Next thing I knew, I was waking up in ICU."

Just the thought of Lorelai not being alive caused overwhelming emotion to flood through Luke. "No Lorelai, no…" he pled ardently, pulling her tighter against him.

Luke could feel her tears starting to soak through his shirt again as she sniffled. "I know, Babe… Looking back on it, I regret it. But at the time, I was a 14-year-old girl in a hopeless place without anyone to turn to. Ending the pain was what I wanted to do, and in my mind, that was the only way to do it," she spoke hoarsely. Pulling back, she wiped some of the tears from her face. "When I got out of the hospital, everything was fine for a while, but then everything went back to normal… That was when I turned to Chris. We had been friends my whole life, and he was the only person who I felt understood me. When he got kicked out of St. Jude's and his parents put him in St Paul's, we started partying and drinking together… anything to make us forget the feelings of worthlessness inside of us. That's how we ended up with Rory. One night, we got drunk. We had already started dating, and I wanted to feel something, anything, so I slept with him."

Looking up, she met him with bright, tear-filled eyes. "Then, when that strip turned pink, I finally had meaning to my life. There was a little baby inside of me, and I knew it was there just for me. I had gone through hell and back, and I know that getting pregnant would be the final blow for most people, but, for me, it was my thread of hope. I finally had something that I could pour all of myself into that would truly love me right back. I was no longer going to be a complete failure." As she finished, the dam broke loose, and her sobbing began again.

"You're not a failure," Luke whispered sternly, "Your mother was wrong. You haven't failed."

"In her mind I have Luke," she choked out. Gathering herself, Lorelai continued. "I can't do anything right. I'm just here to tarnish 'the great Gilmore name.' I didn't think I was failing by buying this house. I only wanted the best for Rory." As she continued to speak, Luke could see the doubt gathering in her eyes. "Maybe she was right. Maybe I needed to save a little more. I could have gotten a safer house that wouldn't need as much work… Maybe I'm just a failure after all."

Placing both hands on her cheeks, Luke stared her straight in the eye. "Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, you listen to me. Do not let Emily get to you. You have done nothing wrong regarding this house, your job, anything… You have done everything possible to give Rory the best life. You work your ass off every day to provide for yourself and her, and you have done a damn good job at it. You never have been and never will be a failure."

Shaking her head, she countered sadly, "You have to say that… You're my boyfriend."

Stilling her movements, Luke answered, "Well then ask anyone in this town. We all know how amazing of a mother you are and how great of a person you are. You are not a failure, Lorelai."

Swallowing hard, she absorbed the enormity and sincerity of his words. Leaning towards his chest, Lorelai curled the rest of her body into him, forcing him to wrap himself completely around her. Quietly, she spoke muffled into his chest. "I love you so much Luke."

"I love you too, so much." Soothingly, he began to run his fingers through her hair and down her back. Feeling her starting to relax, he whispered, "You can go to sleep now… It's been a rough night."

Nodding against him, Lorelai planted a kiss to his cotton clad chest.

Laying in silence, with their limbs tangled and their bodies pressed together, Lorelai clung to Luke until sleep overtook her, and his sleep followed close behind.

Around 5:30 am, Luke's internal alarm clock woke him up. Looking down, he found Lorelai's head on his shoulder, her arm draped over his chest, and their legs intertwined. Doing his best not to wake her, he began to shift, but was met with her arm tightening over his torso.

Looking at her, he was met with a sleepy smile. Placing a kiss on her forehead, Luke whispered a quiet, "Hey."

Her voice still hoarse from sleep, Lorelai responded with an almost inaudible, "Hey."

"How'd you sleep? I hope I made a good pillow." Wiggling under her, he showed her just how far on top of his body she was.

"Sorry." Laughing softly, Lorelai went to move.

Tightening his grip around her, Luke pulled her completely on top of him. "No, it's fine." Running his fingers through her untamed hair, he wrapped the now wavy ringlets around his finger. "How are you feeling?"

A sad smile appeared on Lorelai's face. "I'm alright, better than I was last night… Thank you for staying and for listening. I've never told anyone all of that."

Glad he could be her confidant, he placed another kiss to her forehead. "There's nowhere else I wanted to be." Noticing the genuine smile appear on her face, Luke questioned, "What?"

"You know… While I was trying to fall asleep, I realized something."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

Shifting slightly, Lorelai moved to rest her cheek on his chest, taking in the steady sound of his heart beat, as she spoke softly. "Well, I realized that even though my mother tries to make my life total hell, I still have a lot that is good." Poking his chest, she added, "And you helped me realize that."

Knowing she had more to say, Luke nodded simply nodded and added a sympathetic, "Okay."

"I mean, I've got this house, which is something I thought I could only dream about having. You were right; I have no regrets about buying it… I've got my job at the inn that I do work my ass off at, that has provided me with stability since I was 16… I've got Rory." Spacing out for a second, slight tears pooled in her eyes. Continuing with a voice full of emotion, she added, "I've told you, Luke, she saved my life. She's the first person to make me feel love unconditionally. I've done so many wrong things, but she doesn't even care. She's my perfect little girl."

"She's an amazing kid… and she's got an amazing mom."

Despite the intenseness of the conversation, Lorelai's face was immediately filled with her trademark bright smile. "And then there's you… Sometimes, you piss me off more than anyone else in this world, but I don't care because I love you… It's funny, because even on the days where I feel like the biggest screw up, you never fail to make me feel anything but amazing in the end… I don't get it."

Shrugging nonchalantly, Luke answered, "It's because you are…"

Leaning down, she planted a long, slow kiss on his lips. "Have I ever told you how much I love sappy Luke," she questioned breathlessly when they broke apart.

Laughing softly, Luke pecked her lips once more for good measure. "You may have mentioned that before."

"It's not that I don't like grumpy diner Luke, flirting Luke, or Macho-Mr. Fix-It-Man Luke…"

"Macho-Mr. Fix-It-Man Luke?" Cutting her off, Luke questioned her with a smirk.

Slapping his chest playfully, she laughed happily. "Just let me finish! I'm trying to be sappy like you… Anyway, it's not like I don't love every single part of you, but I think I like it when sappy Luke shows up behind closed doors… It makes me feel special. You don't do this with anyone else." Dropping a kiss to his cheek, she smiled. "I love you, Luke."

"I love you too."

Not even trying to stifle the yawn that rose out of her, Lorelai sighed, "I'm so tired."

"You had a hard night." Adjusting under her, Luke moved to where she could lie comfortably against him. "There… You can go back to sleep."

"Don't you have to open today?"

"I was supposed to, but I called Caesar last night after I locked up and asked him to cover. I didn't want you to wake up this morning alone."

Her eyes filled with obvious love, Lorelai ginned widely. "You are the best, Luke Danes." Laying her head down, she snuggled back against him, and in no time, they both found themselves falling back asleep.

Later in the morning, Luke felt a poking on his side.

"Pssst. Daddy Luke."

At first, he thought it was a dream, but realized quickly that it was Rory.

Gently moving Lorelai over to her side, Luke sat up slowly. "You okay, Rory," he asked groggily, still trying to clear the fog from his brain.

"Shhh," she answered, holding her finger over her lips. Taking his free hand, Rory grabbed him and pulled.

Standing up, Luke followed her out into the hall. When they were far enough away from the room, he finally questioned, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Rory turned around and replied with a smile, "I just need your help."

When they finally reached the kitchen, Luke walked in to see an empty pop tart packet and a mug sitting on the table.

"What do you need help with?"

Stretching, Rory grabbed the coffee container off of the counter. "Can you make some coffee?"

Narrowing his eyes at her, Luke questioned, "Didn't your mom say you couldn't have coffee until you are 12?" Twelve was an age that he found far too young, but that was a conversation for another time.

Shaking her head, she handed him the container. "It's not for me. It's for Mommy." Suddenly, the toaster popped up, and the kitchen was filled with a loud, "They're done!"

Before Luke could think clearly enough to stop her, Rory hopped up on to the chair she pushed over by the counter and started trying to pull the pop tarts out of the toaster. Reaching for the pastries, she pulled her hand back suddenly, almost burning herself.

Thinking she had actually burnt her hand, Luke fearfully yelled, "Hey, be careful Rory! You're gonna burn yourself!" Immediately by her side, he pulled her off the chair and got the pop tarts on to a plate. Turning around, he saw a stiff Rory with tears in her eyes. "What's wrong? Did you burn your hand? Let me see." Crouching down, he took her little hands in his.

Shaking her head, she frowned. "I'm sorry Daddy Luke. I just wanted to make pop tarts."

Seeing the sadness in her eyes, he reassured her. "It's okay, Rory. I wasn't getting on to you. You just scared me. I didn't want you to burn yourself." Looking at her hands closely, Luke checked her fingers for injury. Relieved to find none, he sighed. "Next time you want to use the toaster, let me or Mommy know. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Okay… I'm sorry." Throwing her arms around his neck, Rory squeezed Luke tightly. "Can you still make Mommy some coffee?"

Pecking her cheek, as someone like a father would, Luke stood up and grabbed the discarded coffee container. "I can." Walking over to the machine, he questioned, "Rory, why do you want me to make coffee?"

"It will make Mommy happy," she answered in no time, her face filled with a smile.

After starting the brew, Luke turned around to face her. "Is that why you tried to make pop tarts?"

"Mhm… when I'm sad, Mommy makes me pop tarts and juice for breakfast. Mommy was sad about Grandma last night, so I want to make her pop tarts and coffee."

Once again amazed by the thought process of the five-year-old, even though he was appalled by their breakfast of choice, Luke grinned. "I think she'll love it."

Once the coffee finished brewing, Luke carried the plate and mug as Rory bounded up the stairs and into her mother's room.

Jumping on the bed, she pushed on Lorelai's shoulder. "Mommy, Mommy, wake up!"

Stirring, Lorelai groaned. Once the voice registered with her, her eyes popped open and she sat up quickly. "Rory? Is everything okay?" Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she looked over to see her daughter grinning.

"I'm okay, Mommy. I made you breakfast… Daddy Luke helped."

Still slightly disoriented, Lorelai looked over at the doorway to see Luke with her "breakfast" in hand.

Walking over, Luke placed the plate in her lap and the mug on his nightstand.

Looking at him curiously, Lorelai eyed him up and down, knowing he would never give her pop tarts willingly.

Knowing what she was thinking when he saw her look, he explained. "Our girl here woke me up because she needed help making the coffee… This was all her idea."

Taking Rory's hands in hers, Lorelai questioned her daughter interestedly. "What did you do this for, hon?"

As if the answer required no thought, Rory quickly responded, "When I'm sad, you make me pop tarts and juice. I don't want you to be sad, so Daddy Luke helped me make pop tarts and coffee."

Pulling Rory too her, Lorelai smiled. "Thank you, Rory."

Tilting her head up, she planted a kiss on her mother's cheek and hugged her tightly. "You're welcome, Mommy."

Getting herself comfortable, Lorelai leaned back against the headboard, grabbing Rory and pulling her into her lap. Picking up a pop tart off of the plate, she broke it in half and handed part to her daughter. "Here's your piece for all your hard work."

Looking over at Luke, Lorelai reached out and patted the spot beside her. "You gonna stand there all day, or are you gonna join us?"

Walking over, Luke sat down on the bed and scooted towards them, getting comfortable on his side again.

With a smirk, Lorelai extended the pop tart in her hand to in front of his mouth.

Turning his head away, Luke grumbled, "I might have helped getting them out of the toaster, but I'm not helping you eat them."

Despite his opposition, she didn't move her hand.

Making the mistake of looking back at her, Luke noticed the pout forming on her lips. "Lorelai," he warned.

Forcing her lip to protrude lower, Lorelai whined, "But it will help me feel better."

Rolling his eyes, he groused, "Stuffing me with sugar will make you feel better?"

With a small smile, she nodded her head and added an innocent, "Mhmm."

Sighing, Luke obliged. Taking a bite, he grimaced as both of the girls laughed. "That's disgusting." Reaching over to the night stand, he grabbed the mug tried to hand it to her, hoping it would force her to put her pop tart on the plate and away from his face. "Here… now get that away from me."

Giving into his wishes, Lorelai took a generous sip of the coffee and sat it on her side's night stand. Lacing her fingers through his, she smiled. "Thank you, Luke."

Nodding, he questioned, "Do you need anything else?"

Shaking her head, she looked into his eyes. "I have everything I need."

Catching her double meaning, he smiled. "Good." Squeezing her hand, he brought it to his lips. "Me too…"