A/N: Big thanks to my beta, Ravenshell!

Chapter 56

The lair is semi-quiet. The muted thumps of the punching bag are heard with Raphael's every punch. April and Mr. O'Neil's science chatter is soft but urgent as they search the internet for more information on the Earth Protection Force. Mikey is still in the lab with Donnie. I checked on them about an hour ago to find Mikey quietly reading one of his comic books to Donnie as he dozed in and out of wakefulness.

Sitting at the kitchen table, I stare at my chamomile tea as tendrils of steam swirl upward before disappearing into the air. We need a plan, a course of action, but so far every strategy has been met with a dead-end opposition. Every course of action leads to losing Donatello. I swallow a mouthful of tea to ease the lump in my throat. Donnie was right not to believe my naive promise that I wouldn't let anything bad happen to him. Everything that's happened to my younger brother has been nothing short of horrible. My chest tightens as the weight of helplessness begins to set in. I would have been more useful securing the sewers with Sensei, but he instructed me to stay here. 'They need me,' he said. No one needs me and even if they did, how could I possibly help? I don't dwell on my shortcomings long as the need to check on my two youngest brothers pulls at my senses. I can hear excited chatter through the cracked door of the lab.

"Are you going to remember?"

"Yeah, bro."

"It's important, Mikey. You have to remember."

"I got it on video, D. I won't forget."

"Did you record everything? ...It's very important."

"It's all here."

I peek through the crack and see Donnie and Mikey sitting on the floor now. Mikey waves his t-phone at Donnie.

"When it's time, you have to show the others, okay?"

"When will it be time?"

"When it's too late."

I've heard enough as I swing open the door and my younger brothers jump at the unexpected interruption. "What are you two doing?"

"It's important, Leo. I was telling Mikey how to fix me." Donnie's voice is animated with an enthusiasm and his eyes are too bright—focused and glazed all at the same time. He smiles at me in a way that makes me watch him carefully. "If I break, you can fix me but only after I break, okay?"

His rushed speech deepens the helplessness growing within me. "You're not going to break, Donnie."

"Yes, I will. I have to!" He nods with vigor and my stomach turns in disgust and sadness. I step forward and rub his head from his cross-legged position on the floor. He's starting to run a fever again. Turning to Mikey, I give my youngest brother a pointed look.

"What did you say to him?" I whisper to Mikey.

"Dude, I didn't do anything! We cracked some jokes until he started dozing off, then a few seconds later he popped up and he started talking like this! He was worse before I promised to record him."

"...More videos on my laptop, but not now. It's not time yet." I have no idea what Donatello is going on about. I thought I was really starting to connect with Donatello, earning his trust. Now I don't trust myself to say the right thing to him. I've never felt so disconnected and useless in helping my brother before in my life. "But when it's time you have to look at the videos... everyone has to look at the videos. Promise?"

"Okay, Donnie. Let's get you to—"

"Promise, Leo." His large hand encompasses my forearm uncomfortably tight. "Promise."

"I—I promise." I'm barely keeping it together as my eyes mist over. "Please, Donatello, I need you to lay down for a little while. Can you do that for me?"

"Sure, Leo." He says, his voice losing its momentum as Mikey and I help him stand. Donnie hisses in pain his legs buckle and he nearly topples on top of me.

"Mikey..." The testy tone grinds from between my teeth as Mikey just stands there staring at me as I struggle to support Donnie's weakened state by myself.

"Bruh, I think I know why your legs hurt so bad." Mikey says staring at Donnie's feet. "You're walking wrong. Try walking on your tippy toes, D." Mikey demonstrates by briefly balancing on his toes.

Donatello's body weight shifts beside me as he lifts up his heels and balances on his toes. He wobbles forward a moment but quickly regains his balance. Walking on the ball of his toes, Donatello moves as if this is the most natural way of walking.

"How did you know he should walk on his toes?"

Mikey shrugs in the way that he often does when he thinks of something surprisingly clever yet simple. "It's how Raptors walk." I stare at my youngest brother before shaking my head. Clever and simple doesn't really cover how his mind works.

"Leo."

"Yes, Donnie?"

"I don't feel so well." Donnie holds his hand to head and groans as his face scrunches in pain.

"I know." I give his plastron a small pat. "You must be tired of sleeping in the medbay. Do you think you can make it to your room?"

He pauses a moment, his face scrunched in concentration before finally saying 'okay'.

The walk to his bedroom is much easier now that Donnie walks on his toes. It almost looks like his knees are bending backwards with each step but it's only the length of his foot as he places weight on his toes.

Just as Mikey and I guide Donnie to his bed, he whimpers in pain, clasping his head between his hands.

"It's okay, just breathe through it," I encourage while kneeling in front of his bed.

"Yeah, we're right here, bro. Just ride it out like an epic wave... if epic waves were supernova migraines."

Donnie exhales the breath he was holding while enduring the misery. His confused eyes meet mine before turning to look at Mikey. When I touch his knee, he flinches away. My heart breaks at the lost look on his face as I watch him struggle to recollect his thoughts, to remember us. This mutation isn't just taking his body, its stealing his mind.

"Do you remember who we are?" I force the tears stinging the corners of my eyes to recede, focusing solely on Donatello. He stares at me with slow-witted eyes before looking to Mikey, who grins hopefully at him.

"...Family?..."

"Yes, that's right Donnie. We're you're family, but do you know our names?" There's another pause as tears pool in his eyes and he pulls his knees to his chest and scoots away from us on his bed. "Hey... hey, it's alright."

He shakes his head no. "Scared."

"You don't have to be scared because family will always be here to protect you."

"Yeah, fam's got your back, bro."

He continues to stare at us thoughtfully. I wish I could have protected him from this dreadful mutation before it came to this. I can't change what happened but I can still guard what's left of my brother.

"Leo?..." That small voice makes my heart swell with hope as I smile at my downtrodden brother.

"Yes, Donnie."

"What... what happened? I can't... I don't ... I don't remember."

He's upset and I see the self-doubt and fear of unknowing in his withdrawn position. A tear escapes his eye but I brush it away with my thumb. "You remember just fine, little brother," I reassure him, letting my hand linger on his cheek. "Mikey, warm up Donnie's soup from lunch." With a thumbs up my youngest brother hurries out of the bedroom.

"I'm not hungry."

"I know, but you still need to eat."

"I'll throw it up again," Donnie mutters with an apprehensive gaze when Mikey returns with a small bowl of soup and passes it to me.

He's right; he probably will throw up again but the overprotective brother in me won't let that keep me from trying to keep him healthy. "You'll be fine. Just take small sips." I hand Donnie the bowl, only letting it go when I'm sure he has a good grip. His large, clawed hands make it difficult for him to use eating utensils, so he simply brings the bowl to his lips instead. The bowls shakes in his hands as a coughing fit tenses his body. Taking the bowl from him, I let the wet, rattling cough run its course. It's painful to hear. "Easy. Slow breaths... that's it," I coach him as the sickening cough momentarily chokes the air from his lungs. Exhausted, Donnie flops back against the pillows of his bed. This mutagen poisoning has lowered his immune system despite our best efforts to keep him well.

"Here, I'll hold it, just take a few more sips for me." Donnie sighs but obliges, parting his lips as I bring the bowl to him. He takes three more sips before he starts coughing again. "Okay, okay... that's good, that's good."

Mikey helps me settle Donnie in for the night. Being mindful of his sensitive shell, we do our best to make him comfortable.

"Get some rest, Donnie." Motioning for Mikey to follow me, I turn to head towards the door. I notice a silent exchange between my two youngest brothers. Sometimes they speak a language all to themselves that I don't even try to understand; it must be a younger brother thing. Though I don't always understand the intricate details of their bond, there are times when I pick up on the small cues. "Mikey, why don't you bunk with Donnie tonight." I know I made the right call when I see the shared look of peace on their faces. I tug the cuff of Mikey's shell and whisper in his ear, "No horseplay, Mikey, and if anything happens, let me know." He crosses his heart, x-ing his finger over his plastron before quietly slipping into the bed with Donnie. I leave the door cracked as I check to see how Mr. O'Neil and April are doing on their EPF research.

"Thanks for staying, Mikey," Donnie whispers to me once Leo leaves. I'm surprised Leo didn't drag me out of here, especially after the whole videotaping in the lab stuff. When Donnie started rambling on about breaking and fixing himself, it kinda freaked me out but at the same time I knew it was important. So when he pestered for me to video him, I didn't complain or tell Leo that Donnie was acting weird again. Something in my feels told me Donnie was trying to tell us something, tell us how to fix this mess. Even though I'm pretty sure I could figure out what he was saying, I'm also afraid to figure it out.

"Anytime, D." His shell is facing me.

"Sometimes I see you even when you're not here."

"Huh. Must be that B-team vibe we've got going on," I joke, feigning innocence. The truth is I've been practicing my spiritual drifting. I can stay longer and go farther outside of my physical body than I could a month ago. I can project my spirit from my body and drift in the sewers for an hour before I start to feel tired. Sometimes I drift near Donnie's aura while he's resting; I didn't know he could see me. Donnie isn't exactly a pro in the spirit realm, so if he could see me that can't be a good thing. I try to shake the thought of my brother's spirit forever drifting from his body.

I haven't told anyone about my drifting practice, I'm kinda doing it on the DL. Raph almost busted me when he stormed into my room the other day… and he says I have no respect for personal space.

If Sensei or my bros find out, they'll just make me stop and tell me it's dangerous but I know this extra practice will come in handy.

A moan from Donnie breaks me away from my thoughts. I don't have to see his face to know he's restless. He's in so much pain now, he can't hide the tremors that rock his body. "The guys will…" He gasps suddenly and grips his middle as another painful cough overtakes him. "It'll be okay." I place my hand gently against his shell. Donnie doesn't play big brother to me often, not like Raph and Leo do. He doesn't treat me like his 'baby' brother, just his brother… his best friend. Hearing Donnie pull one of Leo's big brother lines make me worry even more about him. "It'll be okay," he says again though he sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than me. Physically, I watch Donnie fight against the mutation taking over his body, but I also stare in awe at the spiritual battle taking place at his core. His aura is fused with the dark mutation, giving his aura a deep stormy violet hue instead of its bright vibrant purple that it used to be.

Even in this new fused state, parts of Donnie still struggle to survive. Worried, I see how off-center he is. Physically and mentally he's still kicking butt, but he's getting tired, confused, and forgetting who he is. His aura looks sick… ready to give up the ghost at any minute.

"Hey, Donnie?"

"….Hm?"

"What happened when two computer geeks met?" When he makes a noncommittal sound I take it for a 'I don't know'. "It was love at first site… website, get it?" I chuckle at my awesome joke.

"Fu—funny."

I continue to tell silly jokes. Eventually he stops talking, but I know he's listening. Finally he drifts off into a restful silence as his breathing levels out. I press myself against his shell, afraid of losing contact with my brother as sleep finally claims my heavy eyelids.

TBC

A/N: Couldn't leave you guys hanging with that previous tiny chapter, so here's another one to tie you over until next week. As always, thanks for reading and please leave a review!

See you next chapter,

Poetique