Make the Season Bright

"I sometimes wish you'd come back five years sooner…or five years later."

Last Christmas I wrote "If the Fates Allow," an AU one shot of Jax and Tara finding each other again after sixteen years apart. This AU story has that same reunion theme; this time with a twist.

I'd planned to write this holiday story as another one shot, but it turned out to have longer legs than I thought. So maybe two chapters and an epilogue - I need to get back to my other story as well as get back to work.

SOA belongs to Sutter, I just love wrapping the stories in different packages.

Hope you all have a great time over the holidays & a fantastic 2017!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder…
Out of sight, out of mind…

It seems neither of those clichés could apply to Tara Knowles' feelings for her high school sweetheart, Jax Teller. She may have left him behind sixteen years ago, but her beautiful golden-haired boy never drifted too far from her thoughts. As for her heart growing fonder - it would be physically impossible to love him any more than she still does and always will.

But that doesn't mean she's ready to see him again. Not after all these years, not after their brutal breakup or the painful years without him. She's got different priorities now, someone else she adores; there's no room in her life for the obsessive love they once had - and certainly none for his criminal MC. No Jax and SAMCRO are in her past, and they need to stay there.

All she needs to do is get through what will be the longest day ever.

"Tara, thanks so much for doing this," Dr. Namid gives her a brief hug before introducing her to the rest of his surgical team. They nod in greeting, effusively echoing their Chief of Staff's appreciation that she would drop her own busy workload in San Francisco to help them out on this special case. If any of them were amused or intrigued that one of the foremost pediatric surgeons in the state was once a poor high school student who answered phones and filed papers for their boss, they hid it well. And if any of them knew that she also was once the Prince of SAMCRO's old lady, then they hid it really well.

"They just wheeled the mother into surgery for Dr. Chang to perform the C-section." Dr. Namid informs her as they walk down the eerily familiar halls, so much smaller and shabbier than the pristine, high-tech halls of the San Francisco hospital where she now works. But somehow, much more welcoming. He opens the door to the small empty office and hands her a file. "I'll have a nurse come get you when we're ready."

She sits down at the desk when her former boss leaves, reading everything in the file even though Dr. Namid had briefed her thoroughly when he first called her and during her 90-minute drive to Charming. One of his patients was an older-than-average mother pregnant with twins suffering from fetofetal transfusion syndrome - a dangerous and potentially deadly condition so advanced that they'd admitted her for an immediate C-section weeks ahead of her due date to save the twins from heart failure.

"We really need your help, Tara." Dr. Namid's call had surprised her even though they'd kept in touch professionally over the years. "Both fetuses are exhibiting tachycardia, and once delivered, it's likely one or both will need surgery. And my hands…I'm seventy-five, Tara, they're not what they used be…It's not right to take such risks."

Tara had hesitated momentarily at the idea of returning to Charming. But for just a second. She told him that she'd clear her schedule and leave right away. Not only were there infants' lives at stake, she owed him. Not only had he been her inspiration for pursuing a career in medicine - that someone who came from nothing could achieve so much - but he'd also been the one to help her leave Charming to pursue her dream to be a doctor, writing her recommendations for college and medical school. And five years ago, when she'd been at her lowest, he'd told her to get off her ass and come home to California.

And in those five years, her life's been great - busy as hell with both her career and her personal life, but she's not been this happy since she traded her heart for ambition sixteen years ago.

Fifteen minutes later, a nurse arrives to take her where she needs to scrub-in and rejoin the rest of the surgical team. Tara smiles at her wryly; she probably knows this place better than the young blonde fresh from nursing school - having grown up in Charming, she knows St. Redneck's like the back of her hand.

She'd spent countless hours roaming these halls as a high school volunteer, and Opie and Jax were always getting into some crazy shit that usually required stitches. And then there were the pain-filled hours here - sitting with Jax, her childhood friend, holding his hand when his little brother Tommy had died and then, three years later, hugging him tight when JT breathed his last.

"Holy shit, Tara?" Stopping in her tracks, she turns towards the deep, booming voice she'll never forget. But instead of alarm or annoyance at being discovered, she grins broadly.

"Hey Piney…"

"You're a hell of surgeon, Dr. Knowles," Dr. Namid smiles proudly as they watch the newborns sleeping peacefully in matching incubators.

It'd been the longest, toughest (and scariest) surgeries of Tara's career but fortunately incredibly rewarding - both babies survived with hearts beating normally. Granted they'll be in NICU for a month or so and will likely need regular check-ups and medication for years, but they're alive and that's all that matters.

"Well I've had some pretty good role models." She beams back at him. "Thanks for calling me in on this; I'm glad I could help them."

Chuckling, he shakes his head. "No way, all thanks and kudos go to you - I'm sure the children's parents will agree one hundred percent." Then suddenly his dark eyes turn serious. "Are you happy in San Francisco, Tara?"

Puzzled by the question and his abrupt change in tone, she looks questioningly at her former mentor. "Of course. It's a little crazy juggling everything, but…"

"I'm retiring this year, Tara. And I'd like for you to consider coming home to Charming and take my place as head of surgery. In a few years, I'm sure you'll get the Chief of Staff appointment - if you want it."

Her mouth drops open as she regards him in shock. Then recovering quickly, she glances at the babies before narrowing her eyes at the man who'd first nudged her on this career path. "Was this supposed to be some kind of test? What if I'd failed?"

His smile returns as he regards her fondly. "You don't fail, Tara. You may go in a wrong direction now and then, but you always learn from it and are better for it." His gaze rests on the twin monitors tracking the babies' steady heartbeats. "If we'd had a tragedy today, I would still make the offer. I made up my mind the minute you agreed to come and help us."

"…to save those children." Tara nods at the incubators. "Anyone would've agreed to do that."

Crossing his arms, Dr. Namid shakes his head. "Are you sure about that? How many other doctors at your fancy medical center would've dropped everything and race to a small-town hospital to spend hours on a procedure this complicated? For them, it would be a lot of risk with no evident reward."

Tara opens her mouth to defend her colleagues only to be interrupted by a nurse telling Dr. Namid that he needs to leave for a senior staff meeting.

"Think about what I said, Tara." He squeezes her elbow. "You'll do great here, the hospital needs someone with your talents. I won't lie and say we could pay you what a surgery chief makes in the City, but it's not bad - especially for Charming."

Charming. That's actually the biggest deal breaker; how could she possibly come back here after working so hard to get out?

"The town's not what it used to be when you lived here." Her former boss must've read her mind; maybe he's planning to trade in his scrubs for a crystal ball and a freakin' ouija board. "You'd be surprised." He pulls the door open then looks at her pointedly. "I think you two would be happy here."

It's not that she hated Charming…

No, despite her grim and sometimes violent home life, some of her happiest moments had been here in this town - all of them with a certain blond biker with deep blue eyes that haunt her to this day.

But on the flip side of that coin…with Jax, Tara hated who she became - drunk, disorderly and blindly devoted to man destined for life that she neither understood or wanted. Tara wasn't Gemma Teller-Morrow, and there was no fucking way in hell that she'd let life turn her into that hardened, soulless bitch.

Tara had spent a good part of her teens reining in her temper around Jax's overbearing bitch of a mother. Early in her relationship with Jax, she'd wholeheartedly hoped that she and Gemma could share a close relationship since they both loved Jax more than anything - hoped that just maybe she could have a mother again. But that was fucking joke; Gemma, who'd always been pleasant to Tara growing up, turned into a vicious shrew the instant it was clear Tara had replaced her as the number one woman in Jax's heart.

However, if anyone could get Tara to lose her tightly-held control, it was the damn Motorcycle Queen. Gemma had been relentless when picking at Tara's shortcomings, her complete unsuitability to be an Old Lady much less one to the Prince himself. No, Tara would never be good enough for Gemma's son.

"Old ladies open beer and suck dick." Gemma had sneered, reminding nineteen-year-old Tara of her place anytime she'd ask questions about what Jax and his Brothers did in the room they called the chapel, about all the "runs" and motorcycle shows the guys attended almost weekly, about the bloodstains she'd started to find on Jax's clothes.

Then one night Gemma pushed her too far and Tara finally snapped. She'd lashed back at the unbearable bitch that she wanted more from life than being an old biker slut in tight clothes. No, Tara was going to college to become a doctor - which meant leaving Charming for good and taking Jax with her.

But to her heart-breaking dismay, Jax had refused to go. He hadn't wanted to leave the life and legacy that he'd been groomed since birth to inherit one day, nor had he understood why she would ever want to leave him. Those last few days had been hell, and for brief moments Tara had wavered - had honestly considered abandoning her dreams to stay with the only person who'd ever really loved her. And she hated herself for that weakness.

Tara stares at her reflection in the doctors' locker room mirror, gazing back at the composed professional she'd worked so hard to become. That poor, desperate little girl she'd been here in Charming was long gone. Dr. Tara Knowles didn't belong here.

Shrugging on her jacket, she checks her watch and wonders if she should drive back to San Francisco tonight, only to dismisses it immediately. It's late, everyone would be asleep by the time she arrived - and she's got to be here in the morning anyway to check in on the twins and talk to the parents. Besides, tomorrow's Christmas Eve - once she leaves here, she can spend the next couple of days at home with the new love of her life.

She drops the house key that Dr. Namid gave her into her bag; at first, she'd refused his offer to stay at his house, not wanting to intrude. But he'd insisted; since he and his wife are staying with their adult son in Sacramento for the next few days, Tara would actually have the place to herself tonight - which, he added, should give her some time alone to think about his offer.

Well she doesn't need the time to think, just much-needed sleep after such a grueling day. Tomorrow, she'll return the key and decline the job. Then she'll say goodbye to Charming for good. Again.

But first, she needs to call home and check in. Pulling out her phone, she's about to dial when it starts vibrating from an incoming call. Beaming at the image on her screen, she taps the button to answer. "Hi Honey, did you miss me?"

Closing the locker, Tara hefts her bag over her shoulder and walks out the door. Only to stop short at the breath-catching sight of Jackson Teller leaning against the wall. Judging from his intense blue stare and that slow, sexy smile spreading across his gorgeous face - he's been waiting for her.

Tara can't remember a time when the sight of him didn't make her pulse race; even when she was a little girl not yet interested in boys, there was always something special about Jax that pulled at her young heart. Maybe because he'd always been there for her - threatening bullies who'd teased her about her second-hand clothes, bringing her flowers that he'd plucked from his mom's garden when her mother died and bringing her band-aids when she'd get into "accidents" crashing her bike, slipping on the stairs, tripping on the kitchen floor…

And when they were a teenage couple - she couldn't get enough of him, couldn't bear for them to be separated for even a second. Fortunately, he'd felt the same way about her so they were rarely apart - in and out of their respective bedrooms. She knew his Brothers teased him for being thoroughly pussy-whipped, and she knew the kids at school expected her to get knocked up and drop out like he had. But they'd blown off all that negative shit, all that mattered was being together.

Consequently, their split had crushed her. She knew it would hurt like hell to lose him, but the reality had been bone-deep pain much worse than anything, ever - worse than losing her mother, worse than her father's physical and verbal abuse. Jax had been her whole world, and then he was gone.

But he's here now, beaming that unforgettable smile at her like so many of the dreams she's had of him over the years. "Piney told me you were back in town."

Damn, it's really unfair that thirty-five-year-old Jax Teller would be even more beautiful than ever before. She can't help but devour him with her eyes - his blond hair's cut shorter, his sandy goatee thicker, his chest and shoulders more muscular and his perfectly chiseled face and stunning blue eyes even more compelling. The boy whom Tara had loved so much had grown into a total bad ass. It's everything she can do to stop herself from wrapping her arms around him and never letting go.

Fortunately, her trusty brain's still working even though the rest of her has melted into a puddle at his feet. "Just for the night…I have to come back here and check on a couple of patients in the morning before I go back home."

He steps closer, and Tara steels herself not to move - otherwise she'd either rush into his arms or take off running in the other direction.

"Where's home?" He stops just inches away before jamming his hands into his pockets, an age-old gesture that draws a small smile to Tara's lips. So Jax's not exactly comfortable right now either. Good.

But her smile disappears quickly; she's not ready to share any part of her new life with him or tell him that there's someone in her life now, waiting at home for her - but she can't ignore his question not the expectant look on his face. "San Francisco."

Now it's his smile that fades. "I see," Those blue eyes that'd greeted her so warmly could now cut glass. "How long have you lived there?"

Christ, there's no easy way to have this conversation. And she certainly doesn't want to have it in the hallway in front of the doctor's locker rooms. "Are you hungry? I'm starving…Can a girl buy you dinner?"

He hesitates for a moment before another big, beautiful grin spreads across his face and sends her pulse into orbit. "I'm all yours."

"So are you going to tell me why you moved less than two hours away from here but never got in touch?"

They'd walked over to the ancient 24-hour diner located next to the hospital; on the short trip here, she'd peppered him with questions about Opie and Donna - answers she already knew thanks to her brief chat with Piney earlier. But they'd been safe topics compared to SAMCRO and her life since Charming.

But once they'd settled into a booth and ordered their food, Jax had turned those probing blue eyes on her and demanded the answer to the question that's clearly been bothering him since she admitting living within easy driving distance.

Part of her thrills that he still cares, that he still would've wanted to re-connect despite all the years. The rest of her, however, worries about what questions he'll have next; she really doesn't want to answer anything else. "I moved there five years ago. I finished my residency in Chicago then got offered a job at UCSF - they have one of the best neo-natal programs in the country, so I took it. Since then, I've been so busy…"

Fiddling with her napkin, she looks out the window briefly - beating back those old, painful memories - before facing him again. "And honestly, Jax, I didn't think you'd even want to hear from me after…how we ended."

He remains silent for a moment before squeezing her hand, shooting electricity crackling through every inch of her. "I guess I can understand that," he murmurs ruefully. "Although I still wish you'd called me. I'll always want to hear from you."

Fortunately, their order arrives saving her from having to respond. Tara jumps on the opportunity to change to less complicated subjects - and following her lead, he asks question after question about her work and today's surgery, pride for her gleaming in his eyes.

She remembers so many things about him - his smile, his laughter, his deep raspy voice murmuring over and over how much he loved her any time they were alone, how tightly he always held her. So many things…But somehow she'd forgotten how easy it was to talk to him - how he'd always listened so intently, making her feel that no one was more important than her.

And she'd forgotten how much he could make her laugh. She nearly splits her sides as he regales her with a story about one of his Brothers stealing an ambulance, thinking they could sell it to make some quick cash. The looks on Clay and all the guys' faces must've been priceless.

Still, sitting in this small diner with him, she can't help but flash back to all the times they'd spent here as teens - it'd been one of their regular spots, many times with Opie and Donna. How she'd love to see them both and meet the kids Jax and Piney told her about, but that's probably a bad idea; she can't afford to get caught up in any thing that could draw her back into the world that she'd already escaped.

"Ope and Donna don't live far from here, we could stop by. I'm sure they'd love to see you." Damn, when did he turn into a mind reader? But then they'd once been closer than twins; it seems that old connection might still be there. Shit, this was trouble.

Speaking of twins…"Well, I've got an early morning tomorrow." She swats his hand away when he tries to take the check, dropping two twenties on the tray as she rises to her feet. "It was really nice seeing you again, Jax." Talk about the understatement of the year; nearly every part of her ached to spend more time with him - like the rest of her life. But that's not possible, not anymore.

She allows herself to give into one temptation and pecks a quick kiss to his cheek, inhaling the deliciously familiar scent of him before practically sprinting to the door. She's got to get the hell out of there before she succumbs to everything she's worked so hard to put behind her.

"Tara, wait!" But she's barely two feet out the door before Jax charges outside, grabbing her arm and turning her to face him.

"Really, Jax, I have…" Her brain melts to mush as he devours her mouth hungrily, leaving her with no choice but to cling tightly to him as he thoroughly shuts down her rational side while flaming the torch she'll always carry inside of her for him.

"Take a ride with me," he murmurs against her mouth when they finally come up for air, his face lighting up when she nods and twines her hand in his.

It's been sixteen years since Tara's ridden on a motorcycle - after leaving Jax, she'd completely avoided anything with two wheels and an engine; the memories just hurt too much. But now - seated behind him, her hands locked around his waist, her cheek pressed against his leather cut - she can't believe she lasted so long. She'd loved riding with him - loved the thrill, the freedom, the sheer power of his body and his bike. Shit, back then it'd worked as foreplay given the number of times she used to jump him right after a long ride.

Clearly he remembers that, given their destination; despite the years since she's been gone, she'd know this route even in the dark.

"You're assuming a lot, Teller." Tara crosses her arms and tries to look affronted while he unties his pack and a blanket roll from his bike. During the thirty-minute trip, she should've come to her senses and demanded he take her back to her car. Instead, it's taking all her self-control not to tackle him right now - that and the chilly night air. Northern California may not be as cold as Chicago in the winter, but the temperature drops at night are no joke.

"Who, me?" Even in the dim moonlight, she could see the smirk teasing his lips. Jax may be great at a lot of things, but innocence isn't one of them. Taking her hand, he leads her through the thick copse of trees to the spot they discovered over twenty years ago. "It's cold outside so I thought I'd help warm you up," he explains as the hot spring comes into view.

"Oh, and a cup of coffee at the diner couldn't do that?" Despite her attempts at light-heartedness, she could feel herself vibrating with anticipation - which ratchets up a thousand degrees as she spreads the blanket on the ground next to the steamy spring, and he switches on a small portable lantern from his bag. As teenagers, they'd spent so many cold fall and winter nights here, fucking on a blanket just like this one while the steam rising from the spring and their fused bodies kept them well heated.

Plopping down on the blanket next to her, he captures her hand and lifts it to his mouth. "Well, I guess we could go back and get that coffee, if that's what you want…"

She tackles him then.

Tara loves sex - revels in the sensation of skin on skin, the stimulation of the oh-so-sensitive spots on their bodies, the intense pleasure of coming over and over and over. With Jax Teller as her teacher and partner, how could she not? When they were together, they'd been insatiable - fucking anytime, anywhere; she couldn't think of that many places in Charming or Lodi or anywhere they went together that didn't provide a backdrop for their mutual orgasms. For Tara, nothing could be more perfect than when the man she loved more than anything was buried deep inside of her.

Rolling around the blanket, they strip one another quickly - their tongues mating wildly as their hands and fingers eagerly explore and caress every quivering inch of bare skin.

"Christ, I've missed you," Jax breathes heavily, kissing his way down her neck before latching his hot mouth to her breast and suckling greedily.

Her own breathing hitches at the feel of his rough tongue licking one nipple while his fingers pluck and stroke the other. She curls her fingers in his soft hair then scrapes a hand across his bristly cheek when he looks up at her. "I missed you too, Baby."

His face lights up as he grins then brushes his lips against hers. But before she can pull his head down to deepen the kiss, he rolls away and slides into the steamy water. "Come on, Babe." He tugs at her hand. "Time to warm you up."

Rolling to her side, Tara quirks an eyebrow at him then echoes what she said to him when they first discovered this hidden spring, trying to find private time away from their friends partying in the cabin. "Geothermal springs can be dangerous…you never know how hot they are."

Those blue eyes grow heavy, scanning her naked body appreciatively. Then following her lead, he leers suggestively and suddenly he's the sixteen-year-old brash, cocky love of her life once again. "You know me, Babe. I like it hot."

Tara tosses her head back in laughter then sits up and slips into the pool - her body practically liquefying with pleasure as the hot water relaxes her muscles, the foamy waves lapping right below her breasts. But the soothing spring's nothing compared to Jax pulling her into his arms and reclaiming her mouth.

God, in her whole life, nothing's ever tasted or felt better than this man. Smoky, sinful, so utterly delicious…he makes her see how addiction can take root, driving users to do anything and everything to hang onto the high. Squeezing his sculpted ass in her greedy hands, she practically inhales him - there's nothing and no one that makes her entire body soar like he does.

Reaching between them, she grasps his stiff, meaty cock in her hand - savoring the profanity-laced grunts of pleasure erupting from this throat as she fists him. "Now, Baby," she purrs in his ear, nipping the lobe and smiling to herself when he shivers. "I want you inside me…now."

A strangled noise escapes him - part chuckle, part moan and all want. He lifts one of her legs, spreading her wide then thrusts slowly, slowly until he impales her on his thick, rock-hard erection. "Christ, Tara," he gasps before slanting his mouth over hers again.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Tara arches upward driving him deeper inside of her - clenching her inner muscles tighter and tighter around him as he pumps harder and faster. She angles her leg to wrap around his ass, spreading herself even wider so that he rubs against her clit with every hard thrust.

From the fevered hitch to his breathing, she knows he's close - and so is she. Holy shit…Tara can't stop the gasps and moans from bursting from her, growing louder and louder with every thrust from his cock - it's been so long since she's felt this kind of bone-melting, all-encompassing ecstasy. Through her lust-filled haze, she can wholeheartedly appreciate how well he remembers her body, how she loves to be touched. Every inch of her vibrates with pleasure - especially when he cups her breasts in his big hands, massaging them while rubbing her nipples with his thumbs, then swiveling his hips in the way that drives her absolutely…

Fuck, oh fuck…and there's nothing, no-one who can make her wetter or hotter or come more explosively than Jax. Or scream louder.

When the ringing in her ears subsides, she can hear him chanting her name over and over, feel his whole body shaking as he empties himself inside of her. After such blazing, full-throttle orgasms, Tara's not sure how they manage to remain standing; all she knows is that there's no way in hell she's letting go - and judging from his steely arms tightening around her, he feels the same way.

Those intense blue eyes lock with hers, and her heart jolts as she recognizes that expression on his face - it's how he looked at her at sixteen when he told her loved her for the first time and every time after.

And based on wild thudding of her heart, she's pretty damn sure that same look's mirrored on her own face.