Apologies for such a long wait, abroad applications plus a lab course really kicked my ass these past two months. But, I've gotten over a couple mountains workload wise, and work wise, so I'm going to try and post more frequently. I also feel pretty lousy about it because this chapter is so short, but I promise, there will be more to follow, I have Lizzy's whole story mapped out in my head and there's no way I can stop now.

Hope you enjoy.

Chapter Eight

Breathe

"You always swore you never would, that you'd wait…" She sounded amused, contempt bubbling from beneath the edges of the feminine lilt of her voice.

I couldn't bring my brows together to express my confusion, I could barely keep my eyes open. I wondered how long she had been talking to me, I was vaguely aware that I had been in and out of consciousness since the clock on the wall across the room read 5:30.

I inhaled deeply through my nose, stretched, and huddled down further into the bed we shared. "Hm." The noise left my mouth, sounding scratchy and muffled.

"You always told me you'd wait till marriage, you loved telling me that when me and Soda were dating."

I groaned and rolled over onto my back, eyes still partially closed, I rubbed the dregs of sleep out of my eyes. "Yeah, well…"

"You cashed in your V-card to Curly Shepard." She let out a breathy-laugh.

"Not Curly."

"Someone from Murfreesboro? Farm boy?"

A wine headache to rival all wine headaches throbbed throughout the front and sides of my forehead. I brought my arms from beneath the quilt crumpled on top of us, and clasped my hands together over my ribcage. I exhaled once more, and before I could talk myself out of it, said in a surprisingly nonchalant tone, "No, my new guardian, Don."

The white noise of silence became glaringly loud in my ears after that. I picked at a loose thread sticking out of one of the pink patches of quilted fabric covering me, when she still said nothing I turned my head to look up at her. Her blonde hair was silky and fine, as usual, untouched even after a night of restless sleep. She tugged her bottom lip in between her teeth, kindness glowing in her blue eyes.

"But, I thought he was married…how old is he?"

"He's…I don't know, late 30s—maybe."

"So…you two…was—"

I chuckled, and though it was empty it filled me with a bleak kind of strength. I wouldn't cry about Don, at least not that morning, not in front of her. "He'd make me, sometimes he'd bring his friends around, three of 'em, and they'd hold me down…take turns."

"Lizzy."

My mouth stretched into a wry grin. "Pretty messed up, huh?"

"Have you told anyone? Does Darry know?"

"You're the only one."

"Lizzy, you have to, you can't live there if..."

"No one would believe me."

"You should tell Darry."

"I couldn't…it…it's embarrassing. I could never say it out loud, 'specially to Darry."

"Lizzy."

I scoffed. "I don't know, I don't know, OK? I don't even care anymore. I just want to pretend like it never happened—it's not a big deal."

"Li—"

"I don't want to talk about it." I cut her off, sounding exasperated. I wasn't angry with her, or anyone in particular. I had pictured what it would feel like to tell someone for months at that point, I imagined the relief I would feel, I imagined that it would make everything better, lighter. As I laid there, the leaves on the trees outside of Sandy's window, just barely visible, the birds beginning to wake up, I realized how naïve I was. Nothing could ever make it better.

"What did you do with the baby?" I didn't look at her face when I asked, and briefly wondered if I had caught her off guard, but something told me that she had been expecting that question the moment I agreed to stay the night at her house, when she saw me at the Ribbon.

"I lost it…I was relieved at first. My grandparents made me go to the doctor after that, they told me I have an inhospitable uterus…all I could think about when I first got the thing was that I wanted it gone…now I know it was probably the only chance I had to…and," I turned to face her, she wasn't looking at me, but staring at the door of her bedroom, her voice sounded thick, "It would've been a boy…I don't know how I know, I just do. Sometimes I wonder if…if it's some kind of punishment for…"

"For Soda?"

She turned to look at me like I had grown an extra head. "For you…don't you remember?"

I always thought people got dressed up for the school dances, put on something special, not just week outfits. I had been begging my mother for since the month before to buy me that dress, but standing in front of Mack Daniels, I felt ridiculous. His eyes flitted from mine, to Sandy's back, then to mine again, the corners of his mouth tugging into a smug, close-lipped, smile, silently reminding me I was uglier than her.

My cheeks burned and I turned my gaze to Sandy, her disheveled hair, blue eyes cast down at the gym floor. She reached her left arm quickly across her torso, to bring the strap of her tank top back onto her shoulder.

My ears popped.

"You promised me."

"I know." She looked away, ashamed.

"You said you'd be nice to him."

"I know."

I shifted my weight onto my right side, swung my legs out from under the covers, and over the side of the bed so the soles of my feet touched the cool hardwood floor. I would just wear the shirt I borrowed from Sandy back home, hopefully Soda wouldn't recognize it, if he was even up yet. The walk would be long, but it would give me time to think up a convincing lie, to prepare my excuses in case Ponyboy or Two-Bit saw Angela or Curly last night, in case they knew. Images flashed through my mind, of Tommy, of his blood, the sound of it, the smell of it, my stomach lurched. I hesitated to get up for fear of being sick.

I felt her hand ghost against the back of my forearm. "Don't go yet, it's too early…I don't want to be alone."

I sank back into the mattress, feeling tired and dehydrated. Sandy had rested her head back down onto her pillow, once I rolled onto my left side, she brushed her fingers against the knuckles of my right hand, silently asking. I opened my closed fist, and she wove her hand into mine, her eyes fluttering closed.

We had done it a thousand times, slept in the same bed and held hands, more times than my mother had hugged me. It felt like home, it felt like the realest thing I'd done in a long time.

"Lizzy?"

"Mhmm?" I felt myself starting to drift off too.

"I always loved you more."

"I love you too."