Apologies. My work schedule was screwed up because Christmas was my holiday to work as is New Year's next week. My youngest son also took pleasure in giving his mother a few gray hairs the last few days. Thank you for your patience.
The rest of the shift passes in a blur, Elena trying to comprehend what she's gotten herself into? Luckily, no emergencies have arisen, she can't imagine focusing on anything more complicated than chosing a menu. She's not going to dinner, it's just shopping.
Tyler wisely avoids her till the shift's ending, both of them certainly needed a time out to cool off.
When she steps outside, she can see he's standing on almost the same spot, looking rather cold. She glances at the dove grey sky. People on the street are all wearing their winter coats, each hue darker and richer than before. The sidewalk sparkles and crunches, like sugar underfoot. "You haven't been standing there the whole time have you?" she jokes, his hesitant look gives her pause, "Nooo, you'll catch your death of cold!"
He shrugs his shoulders, still looking out of his element. "I didn't have anything better to do. Besides... I didn't want to risk missing you."
He's joking, right? She chuckles and gestures to her car. "Hurry up then. Hopefully you can warm up at the mall."
He follows her and hops into the passenger seat. Elena immediately starts the engine and thoughtfully switches on the heater. He hadn't exactly occupied the same spot but he didn't venture very far either. It wasn't an attempt at a joke either when he admitted that he was afraid of missing her. The invitation was so unexpected. Rightly or wrongly, he felt that if he wasn't in sight, she would have left, thinking he had changed his mind. As if he could...
"Sorry, it takes a few minutes to heat up," she turns her head to him one more time before focusing on the road.
She pulls out of the parking lot and turns towards the mall. It's only a short drive from her fire station. Still Damon thinks he should probably initiate some small talk. How can he have a conversation with her when she can't look at him? Frustration begins to billow within and rather than let her see it, he turns to look out of the window to cover it.
Aware that it's pointless to talk when he can't see her mouth, she doesn't even try. He'd feel bad if she did, but once in a while she steals a glance in his direction, giving him a small smile when he looks. Mostly he's looking out the window though. She hopes he's warming up.
Soon enough, she's pulling into a parking space at the mall. It's close to the building and after stopping the vehicle, she gestures for him to hurry inside as it's starting to snow. Multicolored lights are lit up and colorful Christmas decorations are everywhere. Although the atmosphere is a little cheesy, she wouldn't want to change a thing. They're not the same, they're more ornate than the ones she remembers from her childhood. Often her parents would bring them to drink in the Christmas vibes and steal peeks behind Santa's shop. They also took turns sitting on his lap, assuring him that they were good and telling him what they wanted him to bring them that year. She has to smile at the memory of her pissed off brother when he surprised "Santa" having a smoke, the good man who's trying to keep appearances yelled at him to get out.
They enter the mall and immediately start feeling warmer. Elena shakes the snowflakes out of her hair which makes Damon pause staring at the beauty of the girl, the moment mesmerizing.
"It's better, right?" she grins and impulsively reaches out to sweep off the white sprinkles contrasting on his black shock of hair. "Sorry," she mumbles when she realizes what she's doing. "Where to first?"
Damon barely keeps it together. He's never experienced anything like this, he has a hard time grasping the fact he's really here, with this beautiful woman who touched his hair in this playful manner...
"I... I don't know. What Christmas shopping did you have in mind?"
"Well, I thought since you're starting over, we could first find what you need, some clothes among other things? And then we'll hunt for Christmas presents. I need some toys for Cassie, some good liquor for my dad and uncle..."
Did he mention his starting over thoughts? He doesn't thinks so.
Usually, he buys what he needs on line and has it delivered on his door step. How could he refuse her offer though? He looks around and turns back to her. "I think we might start with clothes, I really hate shopping, I have to warn you but since you offered..."
Elena nods, rather impressed by his sudden resolve. She's sure he's a determinated man but she's only seen glimpses of the man inside so far. Without another word she leads the way to the men's clothing on the second floor of Macy's.
They spend there a full hour, going through the wracks and tables. Damon gets a few pairs of jeans, t-shirts and shirts even a white one, a new winter jacket and a pair of shoes suitable for this weather. Elena helps him to choose a tie, at her suggestion he also buys a warm black and wine colored sweatshirt.
"Trust me you won't regret having something warmer if the weather sticks."
Damon has no doubt she's right. besides he'd be willing to wear any color she chooses. Elena picks up a few more decent Christmas sweaters for her relatives. They stop at the liqor store to look around. She's thrilled to find a gift set of Disaronno for her father and another Tequila Rose Strawberry for her uncle. When their arms are full, they return to the car to put them in the trunk. The snow is coming down heavily now and they hurry back inside so they won't get soaked.
They have a fun time at the toy store, Elena picks up the biggest Teddy bear for her niece and a fire station set, the building and small firemen figurines after he supported her decision.
"If you're a family of firemen, Elena, she should know where her roots lies. Why would you find it inappropriate?"
"I don't know, her mom might not be too happy... Wait, how do you know we're family of firemen?" The shock pierces through her at this unexpected piece of information.
Damon curses himself mentally. He should have told her earlier... "I'm sorry, it skipped my mind. I ran into... your cousin's? girlfriend at the office. She's actually my boss' assistant and I didn't know she knows you..."
"Oh, you're talking about Bonnie! I know she doesn't know how to shut up sometimes." To Damon's relief she doesn't look angry. "Yes, she told me you work for her boss too. She actually gave us away, huh?"
Damon feels guilty, she must think he's some creeper about to attack her. "I'm sorry...," he repeats.
"Don't be. Trust the expert, tragedies reel people in...," she takes the bear and the fire station set and heads for the cashier.
Why does it sound bitter coming from her?
A half hour later they find a corner table at the coffee bar, one with a stunning view of the beautifully holiday lit area overlooking the mall. Big snowflakes are slowly falling down, it all looks so peaceful... especially from the warm restaurant. After Damon won their little battle about who would pay the tab, he then insisted that she choose a dessert. Although she resisted at first, he talked her into it only after agreeing to help her eat it. Together, they shared a delicious slice of pumpkin pie topped with freshly whipped cream.
He secretly hoped it'd prolong the moments he still had with her but now it seems inevitable that the dream will end and they'll go their separate ways after she drops him off at Ric's. It's questionable if they'll ever again spend time together like this. He avoids going out, he avoids people in general but today, it was magical. It didn't feel like he was in a crowded room full of people, he was in a magical place with the woman sitting across from him, having the time of his life. He's already missing it... "What are you thinking about Elena?"
She's been staring out of the window for a few minutes now, her face in the dim light seems saddened, he hopes it's just an illusion. Her eyes slowly find his and she shakes her head to force out the thoughts that clouded her vision for a moment. "I... do you have a special memory of Christmas?" she answers his question by one of her own.
Damon swallows thickly at the unexpected jab from his past. "You mean... my favorite memory?"
Elena thinks about it for a few seconds. "I... yeah, probably. But maybe it doesn't need to be a happy one, just a strong one."
A strong one, indeed.
He's not going to tell her about that. At least not yet. Maybe one day. But she deserves to know some of his background. "When I was thirteen, I was put into foster care. It was close to Christmas and I was scared, certainly in no mood for anything cheery being forced on me but... my new family, especially my new brother made the holiday special. My brother Alaric, he's the person I'm staying with now. We're still very close. So, I think, that's what Christmas means to me."
Elena's stunned at his honest answer. She wouldn't expect him to reveal such personal things and she feels special he decided to share that with her. "That was certainly a strong one. And beautiful, despite the circumstances. Thank you." She knows he'd understand. How did this afternoon turned into... something else?
Damon nods, unsure how he himself feels. He's never talked to anyone about the circumstances Ric's family became his. Yet he inherently knows that he could tell her. Perhaps this is a start, if she lets it. Why would she though?
He can see she's once again looking at the snowflakes dancing outside, nostalgia mirroring in her eyes. Damon isn't sure if it's time to ask, he hopes it's still a happy memory. One question he just can't resist.
"Elena, what happened yesterday, when you were called into work on your day off?"
Her eyes widen. How did he pick up on that? She tried...
Honesty for honesty. Trust breeds trust. After taking a swallow of her coffee, she focuses her attention on him and reluctantly starts to tell him about Aaron Whitmore.
The sky is awash with a myriad shades of grey. Slivers of light manage to break through sporadically but it's almost as dark as predawn. The air is humid and smells of storms. Elena would much rather be somewhere else, anywhere really, she was tempted to take another shift but she could never do that, Aaron deserves to have his life honored. Not only that but as their station captain, she has an obligation to be there to provide support and leadership as they gather to say goodbye to one of their brothers.
The priest starts his homily. She doesn't recognize this man and considers whether he's a friend or relative of Aaron's family. Shifting in her seat, she remembers him telling her about growing up in Silverton, another Rockwellian town about fifty miles north of Durango.
Trying to distract herself from the gloomy atmosphere, she studies the faces of people standing close, his family. The gloom of the day is reflected in the faces of the congregants. Aaron wasn't married but she suspects the tiny crying brunette standing beside his brother is his girlfriend... or was. The woman looks young and they hadn't been together for very long. She knows this because she overheard Aaron talking about her with the guys but she'd never been introduced. She will heal... eventually and will probably seek out a future boyfriend who's in a less hazardous profession because who in their right mind would risk something like this twice?
His mother is a small chubby woman, hiding her face while her shoulders shake the whole time. Silently standing next to her is Aaron's father, he did the most talking when Elena offered condolences. Except for the difference in height, he's Aaron before he had a chance to grow old. He's not touching his wife, deeply absorbed in his own pain. She quickly turns her eyes away, unable to take it. His brother's on the other side of their mom and is the exact opposite of Aaron, tall like their father but the features are different. The man is stoically staring at the coffin, Elena has no doubt that inside, he's everything but. The others must be cousins or other relatives, she's never met them but recognizes the shocked expressions on their faces. Because she's been through this before.
Her eyes once again return to Aaron's parents and a sense of deja vu washes over her. It's another time, another funeral, another tragedy…
She feels like she's ten years old again, her dad's squeezing her hand. She isn't sure if it's for her comfort or his, his shoulders slumped, the spirit broken. How is she supposed to deal with this?
It's warm but rainy day as if the heaven's cry for a life lost. Unfortunately she's no novice to events like this, but until now she'd been lucky enough to stand in this place only as a bystander, or a fellow fireman or friend.
Where's her mother? There she is, closest to the tomb. Why does her family need their own tomb? As if the dead cared about the earthly possessions attracting the cemetery's visitors. She studies her mom's face, it's dry, she's never seen her crying. Just the cold lifeless eyes looking through all of them. She supposes she can't blame her for dealing with a tragedy in her own way but she can't help but feel for her dad. Mom should be there, beside him, sharing their unbearable pain. Elena's heart is breaking for Katherine, whose face is shadowed in pain holding little Cassie in her arms. She shouldn't be here, the thick haze of sadness can't be good for her.
Her aunt and uncle, their eyes glassy, her cousins among the other firemen there to pay their respects, knowing nothing will ever be the same. Other relatives, their faces blending into one another, her vision blurring as she fights the tears to keep them inside. They're for her brother, not for public display.
Finally, she turns her eyes to the coffin, laying silently under sheets of flowers. It must be the rain, its big drops steadily flowing down on her cheeks.
Tyler, who's standing next to her shifts and she's brought back into the present, the ground beginning to turn white as the rain turns to snow. Aaron's never going to marry his girlfriend or have children. Never again will he make love, bellyache about the effects of a hangover or laugh with his friends. He will never see another Christmas… It's so unfair. But that's who they are.
Elena straightens and waits for the final chorus of the bagpipes to finish. No more tears for Aaron Whitmore, his short life needs to be celebrated.
Since last Sunday, Damon's been keeping himself busy. Truthfully, he simply didn't know where to start when moving into Mr. Gerard's place. On top of that, Ric's been pushing deadlines, meeting with his insurance adjuster among other things, Damon simply needed to do something, anything to keep his mind occupied. After the surreal afternoon with Elena at the mall, his mind's been a whirlwind of emotions as he struggles to decide what to do next.
As soon as Elena dropped him off, Jenna by sheer happenstance, happened to be looking out of the kitchen window. He barely had time to take off his coat before she was firing question after question at him. How often do they see each other? Is he going to take her on another date soon? Did he get her phone number? He didn't.. She wouldn't let him retreat until he shared all the juicy details. Finally Ric sensing his discomfort told her to chill. Now he had to deal with a guilty-looking Jenna, who's bent over backwards trying to make it up to him. It's impossible to stay upset with Jenna and yet he was relieved to say goodbye when he and his meager belongings moved into Marcel's place.
He threw himself into work only pausing to eat and that's when his own thoughts hit him like a ton of bricks. Why didn't he ask for her phone number?
He barely had a chance to say thanks and wave goodbye before she waved and all he could do was watch her tail lights disappear into the darkness. Should he make another visit to her station? He could but he doesn't know with any certainty what shifts she works and he doesn't want her to think he's some sort of creepy stalker. Actually he probably already looks a little creepy in her eyes.
It's Thursday already and he hasn't made much progress nor is he any closer to a decision about her. He misses her, it's as simple as that. The unique, warm feeling he has while in her company is something he wants back. Spending time with her, she's a dichotomy to be sure. Gentle demeanor on one hand while a badass and brave fire fighter on the other. Raking his hand through his thick messy hair, he stares at his cup. After swallowing the last gulp of coffee, he gets up to set it in the sink. Looking out the window, he happens to notice Ric walking up the sidewalk. At his own home, he had a light that would flash when the doorbell rang. In this home, that's not an option.
Walking to the door, he pulls it open, stepping aside to let him in. "Ric, more work I presume?"
"You know me too well," he grins. "It's your own fault you know. If you weren't the best computer programmer, I could let someone else do it... But you know me, I like to keep it in the family."
Damon raises an eyebrow. "With the bullshit you're spouting, you must need my help bad..."
He laughs, "Not really, remember that big project you did for Mikealson Enterprises, they personally requested you work on some upgrades they'd like."
Damon makes a face. "Not exactly what I want to do right now but I know they spare no expense."
"You know me too well," Ric repeats and hands him the corresponding files. "I'd have emailed the documents but they had a courier deliver them, signature required. You know how paranoid they are about information leaks," he rolls his eyes. "Listen, I gotta go, traffic's horrible on this side of town. That fireman who died last week, today's his funeral."
"Who?" Damon's immediately alarmed. "Aaron Whitmore?"
"Did you know him? Wasn't he one of the... who was there...?"
Damon shakes his head, "No but he worked at Chief Gilbert's station. She mentioned him."
"It's big," his brother nods. "KREZ showed some footage of the procession."
"I'll turn it on," he sees Ric out and shuts the door behind him.
Once alone he flips on the television to watch the noon news to see if they replay any of it. Standing, he crosses his arms and watches. Crowds of people, snow, firemen in the finest. Stooping in front of it, he tries to catch a glimpse of Elena, knowing with absolute certainty that she would be there. Today has to be a hard day for her.
Suddenly feeling restless he turns it off and returns to the work at hand, the Mikaelsons project. Is the doctor who treated him part of that family?
Trying to focus, he opens the file and goes through it, not really paying attention. He pushes it aside and looks outside. Damon presses his face to the window pane, the snowflakes are getting bigger.
Intricate patterns of ice float weightlessly downward from the pure white sky above, each flake swirling and dancing, as an icy wind carries it. He's used to this weather, he's always loved the snow. One of the few joys of his childhood was being the first to make an impression in blanket of freshly lain snow. It seems kind of symbolic that the snow's coming down heavier as if to honor the fireman, slowing life down if only for a day.
He can't stay here any longer.
On impulse, he grabs his coat, puts on the boots he bought at the mall, locks the house and sets out on foot towards the cemetery. This is certainly one of the most impulsive decisions he's ever made, but he can't not go.
Elena's there and she certainly must be feeling downhearted. Even though they don't know each other very well yet, he feels an unrelenting urge to see if she's okay, if he can help somehow. He has to. No doubt she'll be surrounded by her crew and if she is, he'll simply back away and disappear without her ever knowing he was there.
Eva and I want to thank you all so very much. You're all the best. Your friendships, kind words and reviews are very much loved and appreciated.
Chapter title: 'Alone You Breathe' by Savatage.
I have posted two pretty fluffy Christmas one shots as well as the last chapter in the lives of ICEM Damon & Elena if you're interested. We have one last one that we're working on.
Have a safe and wonderful day. Thank you again for everything. Watch this space for the next update ;)