My chest slams right into his solid figure.
"Fuck, Ana." He says and grabs the top of my arm. "Watch where you're going." He then gives my arm a tight squeeze.
"Sorry, Kevin." I say quietly and drop my head. I'm afraid to see his face. He's clearly already in a bad mood.
"Whatever. Let's go. I don't need you to keep them waiting and making me look bad." Kevin grabs my wrist tightly and yanks me roughly behind him. I stumble on the concrete while walking towards his car. One of my high heels catch onto a crack in the sidewalk and I fall forward with my hands out in front of me. I instinctively grab onto the back of Kevin's jacket and tug the fabric down with the force of my fall. I catch myself just before my face hits the ground. I quickly straighten myself just long enough to see the swift blur of Kevin's hand slap me right across my left cheek. The force of it sends my head flying in the other direction.
"Don't you dare fucking touch me!" His voice roars in my ear. I'm left standing in shock with my palm pressed lightly against my face. Kevin gives me a disgusted look and opens his door of the car.
"Now get in and stop the crying." I didn't even notice the water that stings behind my eyes. I take a deep breath, sniffle a few times, and slide into the soft clothed seats of his car. Kevin pulls out into the traffic and heads towards the restaurant where we're meeting Kate and Jose. I try and not look over at him for the entire ride. I keep myself calm by looking out the window and watch the Seattle skyline flash by. A strong sense of dread rushes through me as I look out onto the city. This city once used to make me happy, now I see it as a cage that traps me inside with no way out. Just looking at it makes me want to cry. At that moment I wish that I could go back in time and change what I've done. I wouldn't have left Christian the way I did and I most certainty wouldn't have gotten involved with Kevin.
Sometimes when I'm alone, I imagine myself hopping on a bus and running away from this life that I've created. I wish I was strong enough, but I'm not. The truth is that deep, deep down I hope that Kevin will change. I hope that one day I'll wake up and have the normal relationship that I've always wanted. Maybe that's why I can't bring myself to leave him…
"Hey," Kevin snaps me out of my thinking. "Quit daydreaming. We're here." I pull my head out of the clouds, get out of the car, and walk over to where Kevin stands. He grabs my hand and I can't help but look into his eyes. I just want to catch some idea of what he's thinking at this very moment. His dark eyes burn into mine and chills run up and down my spine. I go to turn away, but he's too fast for me. He grips the hair at the back of my neck and pulls my ear to his mouth.
"You know how I feel when you look at me. Keep your eyes down unless I tell you otherwise." He snarls the words. I can't seem to find my voice, so I result to nodding my head lightly. I really don't want him to hit me again. Not here, not now. Usually whenever we go out in public he puts on a good show and makes everyone believe that we're an average everyday couple.
He releases my hair and steps in front of me. He walks quickly towards the restaurant's lobby where Kate and Jose are already sitting at a table. Kevin sits next to Jose while I take my place next to Kate.
It's a fun act to play. I make sure that I laugh, I talk, and I even push the food around on my plate. I actually like these moments. I feel like my life is somewhat back to normal. The four of us talk for a while about nothing in particular and enjoy the food before we say goodbye and leave. I hug Kate and Jose before Kevin steals me away. He grabs my hand and pulls me back towards the car.
Once we reach my apartment, we walk inside and I turn on the hallway light. I make my way into the kitchen, but large, rough hands grab onto my shoulders and push me up against the wall. My back hits the door so hard that the breath is knocked out of me. I feel the door handle dig deep into my skin.
Oh, please not again…
"I'm gonna take what's mine, baby." Kevin grabs the bottom of my dress and slides his hand underneath my panties. I start to tremble as I feel two of his fingers force their way into my tight opening.
"No, please Kevin." I say and try to push back his shoulders. "I don't want to do this right now." I knew the words were a mistake the moment the escaped my mouth. Kevin roughly grasps my throat with his free hand and lowers his lips to my ear.
"What the fuck did you say? You don't give me that shit, Ana. You know damn well that I have the right to fuck your sweet ass anytime I want. Just imagine that I'm your precious Christian Grey." The last of his words break me. I let out a tiny sob as I feel his fingers push further into me and he squeezes my neck with his other hand. The oxygen is blocked and my body starts to panic. The only way he'll let me go is if I agree to whatever he says. I frantically nod my head and gasp for air when he finally releases my throat.
"Good." He says. I feel his tongue snake out and trace a slimy path from the base of my neck up to my mouth. I used to love this kind of foreplay. It used to be sexy and sensual and made me feel cherished. Now it does nothing but make me feel cheap and weak. I hate it.
Kevin pushed me towards the bedroom where he forces me onto the bed and tears off all his clothes, including mine. He fucks me hard that night. I never look him in the eyes. I just turn my head to the side and let the silent tears roll down my face and onto the comforter. He doesn't stop moving above me until he finds his release inside me. I silently thank God that I've been on the pill since I was with Christian.
Afterwards, he rolls over onto his back and begins to snore. I'm always left feeling empty inside. I'm completely numb inside. I roll over onto my side, away from him, and let the sobs take over. The dams break and my sore body shakes the bed as I clutch the blanket to my chest and howl out my pain into the fabric. I clench my eyes shut and allow the salty tears to flow freely down my face and onto my neck.
"Shut the fuck up, bitch." Kevin's voice makes me jump in fear. I feel him lean over and push me over the edge of my bed. I land on the wooden floor right on one of my bruises that he created. This one is on my hip and is in the shape of one of his working boots. "Sleep down there." His voice is thick with sleep. A pillow lands right next to me at the bottom of my bare feet.
My sobs quiet and I hug the pillow to my chest. I don't make a sound, but I still allow myself to cry into the one thing that's holding my together. The hard floor is cold and extremely uncomfortable, but I eventually cry myself into a deep sleep where I dream about the only man that hold my heart.