Christian's POV

I don't know how much longer I can take this. I've never felt this type of pain before. Instead of physical pain that goes away in a few days, this pain is internal and shows no sign of healing. When Ana left she took a large part of myself with her. My chest feels hallow as if she personally reached inside me and stole my heart. She did steal my heart though, in every way possible. I can barely breathe without this woman. Since she left I've been blessed with the torture of nightmares every night. I never had nightmares with Ana.

I never allowed myself to admit it before, but I am in love. I slowly fell in love with her and then my entire world was shifted upside down. I hit her. I hit her and then she vanished right before my eyes.

That night made me realize some things. I knew that she didn't belong in my world. Someone as beautiful and pure as Ana should not be exposed to someone as broken and cruel as I am. I know all this, but why the fuck did she ask me to do that? She told me to show her how bad it could get, I obliged, and then she fucking left me! She walked right out of my life as if everything we ever had never mattered. It was all my fault though. She didn't know what she was asking for. I should have ended it before it ever got to that point.

"Mr. Grey," Taylor's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. I pulls my hands away from my face to see him standing in the doorway of my office.

"Yes?" I ask. Why could he possible want? Since Ana left, things have been pretty quiet around here.

"Sir, your mother is her to see you." My mother? She didn't tell me that she was coming over. Of course, I don't mind, but I haven't really communicated with my family in the past couple months. My mother is the first person I told about Ana leaving. I've been too embarrassed to say much else. I step out of my office and find her sitting on one of the stools next to the kitchen counter. She looks like he just got off work.

"Christian, my dear." She says and walks over to wrap her arms around me. I return the hug and enjoy the brief moment of human contact.

"Hi, mom." I mumble. I pull back and look down at her wrinkled face. She appears to be stressed.

"Christian, I've been so worried about you. We all have." She signs and rubs my arm. "How have things been? We haven't heard from you in a while."

"Not great." I tell the truth. I take a deep breath and walk over to grab a bottle of wine from the fridge. I find two glasses and pour each a generous amount. I feel like this has become a routine for me. "I've been keeping busy with work." That's an understatement. I get up at the crack of dawn, work my ass off to keep my company on top, and then stay awake until my eyes force themselves shut. Sometimes I've woken up to find that I've fallen asleep at my desk in front of the computer.

"Oh, dear," My mother sighs disapprovingly and takes a glass. "Why don't you just go talk to her, huh?" She jumps right to the point. I figured that's the main reason why she paid a visit. Well, that and making sure that her son hasn't slit his wrists yet.

"I can't do that." I lean against the counter and drop my face into my hands. The only thing I want to do is talk to my Ana, but I just can't do that. The best thing for us right now is giving each other some space. That's what she would want. I think.

"Sweetie, it's been months since you two broke up." Her words do weird things to my chest, though I know she didn't say them with the intention to hurt me. "Don't you think she missed you?"

I shake my head. She couldn't possibly miss me after everything I've put her through. It physically hurts knowing that she's most likely moved on when I can barely get up in the morning. What if she did move on? The thought has invaded my head before. What if she's completely done with me and found somebody else? Ana is a beautiful, smart, caring woman, she'd have no problem with finding other companionship. The though sends a foreign feeling to surge through my veins. Just imagining her with another man makes me want to break whatever's closest to me and puke at the same time. God knows that I haven't even thought about another woman. If Ana is involved with someone else, then there's no hope of us ever getting back together.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Christian. You haven't talked to anyone, you're not eating, and dear lord. Christian, shake your face." I unconsciously run my hand over my chin and feel the rough stubble prick at my fingers. I hang my head in shame. She's right.

"I'm miserable without her." I say to no one in particular. "I want to see her so badly. I need to know if she'll ever take me back again. I need to fix things between us before it's too late. But I don't know how to."

I feel her hands rub soothing circles over my back. "Then go find her. Spare yourself all of this pointless pain and go get Ana back. You're a beautiful person inside and out, Christian. She'll understand." She says it as if it's the easiest thing in the world to do.

"But what if she doesn't want me back, mom? I hurt her so much." I say. I lift my head and look at her. She looks up at me with sad eyes. I hate causing her pain.

"What if she misses you just as much as you miss her? What if she wants you back, but doesn't think you want her?" Her words leave me speechless. I don't know how to respond. Maybe Ana does want to work things out. Maybe she's just too shy to speak up first. It's possible.

For the first time in what feels like forever, hope swells in my chest. If Ana dose want me back, then I'm going to do everything in my power to make that happen. No amount of money, distance, or time is going to get in my way. Especially, not another man.

"You're right, mom." I stand tall. "I need Ana and the only way I'm going to get her is if I go out and find her myself."

My mother wraps her tiny arms around my waist and kisses my cheek. "That's my boy. Now go win Ana back and shave that awful facial hair."