Antony's View
After I had left the club with John that night. I knew everything was going to shit and quickly. I never knew about Lilianna's past until Eirik told me. That smug asshole knew he had won. He knew that I would be out of the picture, at least for now. I had to get her back I just had to get her back. I didn't know how I was going to do it but I had to. We got into John`s truck and left. My mind still reeling from all this new information. John brought me back place. He makes sure I'm ok and that I have everything. I nod my head and head inside to sulk.
I pace up and down my halls for days... weeks. He'll let's be honest a little more than a month. I have barely gotten any sleep, and when I do all I can see is her face. Haunting me and taunting me. I haven't spoken to anyone in the pack that didn't work with me at the security company except John. I knew I had the Gala coming up in a few days. With some of Eirik's collection on display I knew I would run into him and possible into Lili. Then maybe I could explain why I said no. Why I basically lied to her face. I just wanted to be with her again. Once it came time for me to step up and chose a mate I would have chosen her. Whether the pack excepted her or not my word would have been final on the matter. Now without her I will have to chose to either step down, or take a pack member as my mate. I don't want that and I don't want to step down as pack master.
Sitting at the breakfast bar facing my kitchen I barely touched there food I made. I drank protein shakes, worked out, and went to work. A simple life and simple routine. I am still able to funtions, just barely, but enough. My phone rings and I pick up wwithout even checking to see who it is. "What?" I bark into the phone.
It was a coworker. "Boss wants us to go over the plan for the Gala again. He wants security tight." He continues all I can think is about Lilianna's face. "Hello...Tony...wake up man."
"Yea I hear you. No problem. I'll have everything ready to go and be there in plenty of time for us to go over it before we give the detailed plans to the boss." I say shaking my head and looking at a folder with all plans for the security teams. I threw myself into this plan. It could be overkill but I don't care. I want this to be perfect.
"Look man...shit...Look we are all worried about you. We know you lost your girl man, but you need to give it up. She's gone. It's been a month and a half. We have a job and frankly man it's starting to show in your performance with the company." Max continues. "Big boss has started asking questions and I'm running out of excuses for you."
"It's fine. Nothing more to worry about." I lied. I was so wrapped up and haunted by Lilianna that every day was a blur. I could never remember what I did the day before. All I could think about was her. "As long as there is nothing else then I'll see you at the office." I hang up the phone not even bothering to wait for him to answer. I run my hands through my hair and over my face. Exhaustion and frustration taking its toll on my body and mind. I needed to snap out of this hole of self pitty I dug for myself, and quickly, before the Gala. I have to have a clear head to lead my men, and to make sure nothing happens. I had to be clear headed and decided that I would go for a run. So I did just that.
It was dawn when I left my house and went for a run. The woods near my subdivison are thick and full of life. Though, this time of year they were still dead from winter. Fresh air and the noises of the forest seemed to settle my mind and ease my body. When I finally got back I knew I needed to get a shower, get dressed, and head downtown to the office. I have to stop this insanity of letting her haunt me. The run I took was long over due and something I should have done a long time ago. For the first time in a month and a half I feel like I can think for a change. I head into my bathroom, toss my sweat pants and boxer briefs to the floor, and climb into the hot shower. As I let the water wash off the sweat and grim from the run, I feel that I'm washing her off my mind as well. Like I was scrubbing her my skin, my head, and my heart.
After an hour of washing off I climb out, towel off, and head for my walk in closet. I decide on a black button down, dark blue jeans, and my sketcher tennis shoes. I love these shoes. I grab my keys, wallet, phone, and I'm out the door. I head downtown from my suburban home to the hustle and bustle of the city. I knew the big boss would be waiting and wanting a detailed walk through of security. I went through everything in my head over and over agin on the drive to the office. It seems that I can actually think clearly. No more haunts of Lili's face, no more taunting images of the rainy night. Included by rage, fear, and hate. I actually start to physically relax a little more.
The drive into the city was uneventful. Making it to the parking garage I park my SUV in my usual spot and make my way up to the elevator. Swiping my card I push the button for the top floor. I knew the boss was waiting and I need to get up there and calm his nerves. Knowing that we were showcasing royal jewels from private collections my boss was micromanaging all of my team. With the way I've been for these last few weeks, I need to give my boss some peace of mind. Though, now with my new found peace of mind, I knew everything's going to be fine. I make my way past some of the team members and walk straight into the big boss's office, prepared to give my best and give the man some peace.
Once lunch tIime came around i'm just finishing up. The big boss was finally satisfied with the way everything was not only set up, but how anything, theft or threat was to be dealt with. I was proud with my work and decided I would go down to the deli and grab a sandwich. My phone rings and it's John.
"Hey Antony can we meet for lunch? I'm at your building downtown." He says. I roll my eyes and laugh.
"Yea brother, no problem. Let's hit the little deli around the corner." I say as I wait for the elevator to open. We say our good byes and I climb into the elevator and head down to the main lobby. As soon as the doors open to the lobby I see John standing there looking out the windows. Walking up to him I slap him on the shoulder. We shake hands and hug each other. After all we've been friends for far too many years to count. "Nice to see you brother. What brings you down here?" I ask
"Just wanting to talk to you about the pack. I know you left me in charge but honestly the pack is getting restless. They are wanting you to either choose a mate, or stand down and let me take over...officially and permantly." he says as we round the corner to a small deli. Walking inside we make our way over to the lunch counter that looks out to the busy streets. The sun was out and bright. Only adding to my good mood.
"Do you want anything? I'm starving and I think I've finally gotten over everything. We can discuss things once I get some food in my stomach."
"No thanks I am picking up Mary in a bit and we are gonna grab some dinner later. Date night and such." He says and sits down on the bar stool. Shrugging I go up and grab a large Cesar salad instead of my instead of my intended sandwich. As I sit my tray down I see that John had concern etched all over his face. "Brother you know I wouldn't ask, but really...how are you?"
I sit there for a moment seeing if I what I was feeling is a lie, or if I really do feel better. "Honestly, brother, I feel fine. I took a long much needed run around, came home, and when I showered I felt like I was washing the memory of her away. I feel like I can think for once, and actually eat something other than protein shakes." I paused and John just watched me as if trying to see if I am giving anything away. " Seriously brother. I feel like my old self. As a matter fact I will be choosing a mate. I want a party set up with the right females that the pack has chosen. If I don't like anything that's chosen then I will choose one for myself of any of the eligible females. I will bring her with me to the Gala." I say as I take a bite of my salad.
"Good I'm glad to hear that brother. I can have a party up tomorrow night. Also, I've heard from Mary that Lili will be attending the Gala with Eirik as her escort. I thought you should know." He says waiting and watching.
"That's fine. Like I said I'm done. No more moping around like some child who is being punished. It's time I man up."
John slaps me on the back and we laugh. We talk for a little while longer about pack business and what's been going on. We have gotten a few new pack members in and they seem to be doing well within the pack. Everyone seems content except for the my situation, but that will be taken care of soon enough.
After what seemed like hours, though only 45 minutes, John and I went our separate ways. I headed back to the office and went straight for my office. I email John and have him send me bios, and pictures of the women that the pack has chosen. As well as, eligible women within the pack. Once I send the email off, I roll my chair over to the windows and just stare off. This view of the city has always been a favorite of mine. It always relaxes me after stressful meetings, or just long days in general. Sitting here is a ritual of sorts for me. Looking out over the city and the clueless people inhabiting it. Shaking the thoughts from my head I decide it's time for me to go home. I gather up my things and make my way out to the parking garage. Climbing into my Porsche, turn on some music, and head home.
Walking through my front door I don't feel the thickness in the air anymore. It's as if all the pain has left and I'm none the sadder to see it go. It feels like my home once more. No more faces, or memories of my mistakes to haunt me. I feel relief. Smiling to myself I make my way into the kitchen to grab something to drink and possibly something to eat. I open the fridge and greeted with empty shelves. Save for some bottles of water and beer. "Pizza and beer it is." I say to myself. I quickly dial the local pizza joint I love so much and place my delivery order. With that finished I head to the bathroom and grab a quick shower.
Stepping out fifteen minutes later I wipe the fog from the mirror and am greeted with a fresh face. "Much better." I hear the doorbell ring. "Hold on" I shout as I grab a pair of sweat pants and boxers, and get dress as I make my way to the door.
"That'll be 18.58 sir" Some young kid says holding cup my order.
I pass him two twenties and smile."Keep the change kid and thanks."
"Thanks man." He says and cheerfully heads back to his hatchback. Typical vehicle for any delivery driver.
Shaking my head, I close the door with my foot, and make my way to the living room. Falling onto the couch, I set the pizza down and grab the remote to find something to watch. Satisfied with the selection I head back into the kitchen and grab a few beers. Coming back I sit down and commence to veg out. Sitting there enjoyingmy tv show and food, I check my watch and realise I need to go to bed. It was already midnight. Lord knows I have to get up early for work. I make quick work of straighting things back to normal, and turning everything off. I head to my room and take a shower. Wrapping a towel around myself I make my way to the bedroom. Water still beaded up on me. Grabbing a pair of boxer briefs, I put them on, and lay in bed. Activities of the next day weighing happily on my mind.
Waking up I realize I slept through the night. Quickly I don my jogging clothes, slip on my tennis shoes, grab my phone and ear buds, and head out for another run. The morning is beautiful and relaxing. I take my time on my jog and enjoy the beauty of nature around me. Once I make it back to the house ,I scrub off in the shower, and get ready for work. I take one more look in the mirror. Satisfied I grab my keys and head out. Ready to get this day over with and start the party. As I get in the car it hits me.
No matter what you do when you love someone you can't hide from it. I sag letting my head lay on the steering wheel. " I still love you. I'm sorry Lili. But whether you forgive me or hate me I have to move on." With those words I let out a sigh and a tear. It's true I still love her but I need to move on. I need to be the leader my pack needs. Taking a few deep breaths. I finally head into work. With the craziness of the upcoming gala. Now days away, I make sure my teams are fully prepared, and aware of how I want everything controlled and handled. This has to go off with out a hitch. Convinced my team is ready I left them go home for the rest of the day. I had my own role to tweak and perfect.
Time for the party finally arrives. I am actually looking forward to being around my family, my pack. I am eager to get things rolling with the whole choosing a mate thing. Walking into the house I beeline street to the shower. Stripping as I head for the master bath. Getting out I quickly towel off and walk into my closet. I decide on a pair of dark jeans, a gray slightly bulky sweater, and my boots. With a quick check in the mirror, a dash of colone, my keys, phone, and I'm out the door. Headed for our lake area that we own.
The drive down to the lake is long yet relaxing. I feel as though I have finally come out of whatever that was that I had locked myself in. I would never let another woman do that to me. Yes, I loved Lilianna, past tense. Now, she has started to become a distant memory. It was nice being back to normal. I wasn't has any issues at work anymore, my crew was working like a well oiled machine. Crazy how one long run can clear your head up so...well...clearly.
After a while I find the rocky road that leads to the pack's cabins by the lake. I had found this place a long time ago and purchased it for myself. I had wanted to build my own home here. Then the pack happened. I rose through the ranks quickly back then. Our pack leader was getting old and wanted to live out his remaining years with his wife. Basically retiring from pack life. We all took a vote and I was voted in as pack master. All this happened about four years ago maybe a little longer than that. I was honored to take up the position and I knew John would be my beta, my second in command. John had taken me under his wing teaching me everything about my family. We were more like brothers than friends. I trust the man with my life. Pulling up my lights hit John and Mary as they seem to be waiting for me arrive.
"Brother glad to see you are back to being yourself." John says as I step out of my car. We embrace one another as only brothers do.
"Mary so nice to see you again my dear." I say as I hug her. I take a breath and I can breath in the slightest scent of Lili coming from her clothes. I look at her and I know she knows I can smell her.
"I'm sor.." she begins but I cut her off.
"No need to be sorry Mary. She is your friend and I am not going to be the one who tells you who you can and cannot be friends with. You knew her long before me." I say smiling. I won't let this get to me. I will not let Lilianna get to me. Tonight is about happiness and my finding a mate. A woman I will be mated to and love forever. I was ready, I was ready to have a family of my own. To pass on my bloodline be a little girl or boy I don't care. As long as the woman I choose tonight is the right woman. Though, I still believe that any of the women John emailed me about would be perfect. I still need only chose one. "Come on both of you. Tonight is a night to have fun, be merry, and relax." I say throwing my arms out beside me, walking backwards towards the laughing crowd. "Who knows maybe tonight I will have a woman to call my own." I looked at the pair beaming their smiles back at me. I knew looking at the two of them together that I wanted what they had. A true love. A love only few of us find in our life time.
I walk further towards the cabins where there seems to be a large party in full swing. Laughing and cheering eruptes as I was make my approach to the large bon fire. Everyone happy and I knew it was time for the next part of the evening to begin. I went and stood on a log nearest the roaring fire. Smiling and seeing my pack so happy made my cold heart thaw that much more. "My friends, my family, my pack." I yell over the crowd. Stretching out my arms I continue. " You all know why we have gathered here tonight. I am here to finally choose a mate. Honestly, I am eager to get things underway. As I know, most of you are ready for me to take a mate. So... what do you all say we get things started?"
A loud cheer releases from the crowd and I jump down from the log. Ready to start getting to know the woman. I decide to go with the three chosen by the pack. I was given a red solo cup with beer, and started with the first of the three women. She was a 5'7", brunette, and beautiful. We talked for a little while and she seems pleasant enough. Yet, something was off so I decided she was not the one. The next girl up was a natural red head. She too stands about 5'7", piercing green eyes, and she is pleasant. We seem to have a lot in common and she is a teacher at the same school as Mary. She seems promising. I am still unsure and want to talk with the third and final woman. The final girl is a blond bombshell. Curves in all the right places, long golden blond hair that falls in soft curls down her back. Grazing the tops of her jeans. She has confidence shining in her grayish blue eyes. She stands all of 5'4" in her tan cowboy boots. Her plaid button down shirt open enough to show the cleavage of her ample breasts. I didn't know if it was lust or love but I knew right then this girl is the one I want beside me. I want to know everything about her. So I did just that.
Miss Jackson is an absolute pleasure to talk to. We sit and talk for most of the night. When we aren't making each other laugh, we are dancing. The girl could move her hips like no one's business. She makes me feel a type of peace, I hadn`t in a long while. We get along so well together. She seems to be a perfect match for an alpha female. As cliche as it sounds, we just seem to click very well together. We have a few things in common but still have different hobbies to keep the other`s interest. She is perfect. So I excuse myself from the wonderful company of Miss Jackson to go talk to John. To let him know I have made up my mind.
Walking around other pack members greet me, welcoming me back. A few of them pass on the usual pleasantries, and just hug me, nod, or yell their greetings. I finally find John and Mary chatting with another married couple that is in our pack. "John, brother, come here I need to speak with you." I say waving him over to me. He holds up a beer and I nod, watching as he walks over to me.
"So brother how is everything going? Did you...well did you find the girl of your dreams?" He asks handing me the beer, as he takes a swig of his own.
I look at John very sternly. Trying to hide the fact that I have indeed found the right girl, at least in my opinion. He just looks at me his beer still pressed to his lips. "John..." I say trailing off as I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Where do I start. The first girl was...well... she was ok. Not really what I am looking for in an alpha female." I pause and study him. He is sitting there just staring at me, watching me, waiting to see if I give anything away. I continue " The second girl good standing, smart, yet something just seems to be missing from her personality." I again pause and wait to see what he will do or possibly say.
"Antony I'm sorry. I...I... don't know what to say."
I put my hand up and continue on. "The third...Miss Jackson. Well now, she has to be the best choice I could hope to find. She has good standing within the pack. She can be well mannered when need be. I honestly have to say John, you and the rest have done very well. I am pleased to say that I will chose Miss Jackson as my mate." I say watching relief wash over John's face. I am confident that I have made the right choice. Not just to help me lead my pack but to be a great companion as well.
"I'm glad to hear it brother. I'm glad to hear that you have finally chosen a mate." He pauses a moment before continuing. "Come on, you know we have to announce it to the pack." He says walking over to the bon fire. Thought it seems that the rowdy crowd had settled down a bit. As we arrived back to the bon fire I saw Miss Jackson sitting alone and waiting. "Brothers, sisters, friends, and family" John called out over the crowd. Everyone stopped and looked waiting to hear what John had to say. " I have great news. It seems our pack master has finally decided to take a mate." He says gesturing to me. I keep my eyes on Miss Jackson. The crowd erupts in applause, cheers, and all around happiness. I never knew how badly my pack wanted me to be mated. Though, it seems I may actually find my happiness once again. "I am pleased to announce that Antony Dolan, Pack Master has chosen Miss Jenny Jackson as his potential mate." Everyone again erupts in cheers and applause as Jenny comes to stand beside me. We smile and everyone comes to congratulate us, some even thanking me for finally coming around. I can't help the smile plastered across my face.
Mary comes running up to us both. Both girls take hands and scream their joy. They embrace each other. Both of them so very happy. "Antony I'm so happy you have come around and decided to take a potential mate within the pack. I'm even happier you have decided to choose Jenny." She says as we embrace. "I know you still love Lili, but give this new relationship a chance. Lili is my best friend and I love her, but you deserve some happiness. Just put everything in the past and use it as a learning lesson." She whispers to me
"I am happy too Mary. I am very happy." I pause considering her words. Lowering my voice I answer her. "I will try Mary. That's all I can promise you is that I will try."
"I'm also happy that you are our leader once more. We thought for sure you had lost yourself in sorrow." She whispers softly. I had not thought of her for, granted a short time, but what seemed like a much longer period. She no longer haunted me and I`ve never felt better. The woman by my side may very well be the best thing to happen to me, and be the best choice I have made in my life thus far.