Guess what today (Jan 1st) is. No, go on, guess :D It's Ren's 22nd birthday! Happy birthday, Ren!...even though you're off taming the Spirit of Thunder.
It's time for another installment of "This Wasn't In My Original Plans"! I'm one of those people who likes to see how stories evolve from the first idea, so that's probably why I do this. Anyway, when I first thought this arc up, Tadashi wasn't Tadashi-like at all. In fact, his name was Keima, which means "knight" in Japanese (Tadashi means "righteous" by the way, even though it's usually spelled "Tadashii"). He never spoke, and actually won the fight against Suoshi and his gang. Ren and Lien weren't twins. In fact, Ren was about two to three years older than Lien, whose name was originally Ren-Xiang. Yi was still around to see baby Níu-Năi and poke at him, and Sheng and Huan didn't exist. Also, Ren ignored his kids a lot more, especially Lien. My, how things have changed.
Notes: If you wonder why I italicize "kun", it's because whenever the girls say it, it gets on Tadashi's nerves. As you remember, he doesn't like being called that by people he doesn't know, especially since they're in China.
I DO have Tadashi randomly say some Japanese things in this chapter, only because of the state of mind he's in at the time. He usually speaks Chinese, seeing as he knows he's a "guest" so to speak, and believes he's being polite by using the native tongue.
Disclaimer: The anime/manga Shaman King and its characters were created by Hiroyuki Takei. All original characters made specifically for this fanfiction and any tie-in/spinoff pieces were created by Jezebel Parks.
A Gift of Love – Chapter Seventy-Three: Innocent Sorrow
"'Welcome anytime you want'? What the hell? It's two days later, and I STILL don't understand you!"
"You don't need to understand it, only accept it. I'm the head of this family, so any person I wish to welcome here is my decision and should be followed and obeyed without question."
"Just because he got the crap beaten out of him?"
"You yourself said it was Tadashi's note that let you know Lien was in danger. Without that, she would have lost her pride, her purity, her smile, maybe even her life if they had gotten that far. Whether you accept it or not, we owe Tadashi a great deal for involving himself in something that didn't concern him whatsoever. The least we can do is offer him a place where he can be around other people and get away from the silence of his house."
"Why are you so fond of him all of a sudden?"
"Ren, stop making me repeat myself. You're not going to win this argument, so do yourself a favor and save your breath."
His son clenched his fists as they walked down the hall. The last two days had been heated ones. The father and son who used to get along so well were now constantly arguing. Their views on Tadashi inversed each other, but Ren wouldn't be satisfied until he had made his father see things his way.
They walked in silence for a few minutes. As they passed Lien's bathroom, which was positioned next to her room, the elder Ren stopped as he heard a snipping sound. He did a small sidestep and brought his ear near the door. After a few moments, he lightly rapped the back of his fist against it. He heard her startled gasp – she was up to no good.
"Lien, what are you doing in there?" he asked casually.
His son looked skeptical. "What's going on?"
"We'll find out soon." He listened. "Lien?"
"I-I um…uh…I'm shaving my legs, so don't come in, please."
Another snip
"It must be taking you a long time since you seem to be cutting each hair with a pair of scissors."
Silence.
"Lien, I'm coming in." He turned the doorknob.
"N-No! Don't!"
But Ren had already opened the door. He stared at her. "What did you…"
Lien was standing in front of a mirror with scissors in her hand. Her long navy blue hair now covered the ground. She looked at her scissors, then at the floor. Her hand ran through the short locks of hair that remained.
"Now it can't be used to yank me back anymore…" she said quietly. The Rens said nothing. She smiled weakly as she felt some of the hair on the back of her head stick up. "I forgot this would happen…I must look dumb now, right?"
She laughed, but as it subsided, her shoulders shook. Dropping the scissors, she staggered and fell to her knees as she put her face in her hands and started crying.
Ren watched her wail for a moment, then dropped down next to her and quickly wrapped his arms around his daughter and pulled her close to him. She cried into his chest.
"P-Papa...W-Why did it have to b-be me...?"
He closed his eyes as he thought. The answer was so clear, but at the same time, it wasn't. He knew why she was berated and made fun of, but he didn't know why anyone who really knew who she was would want to do such things to her.
"Because there are people who don't understand the talents you have," he replied. "They're trying to poison your mind with their ideas, but don't let them – they aren't true."
"Eh-Is that really the only th-thing I'm g-good f-for?"
He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away from him so that he could look into her eyes. Even more so than a few nights before did he feel as though he was talking to the younger version of himself.
"No. Never let anyone tell you otherwise," he said. "They say that because they don't know anything about you. If they knew even one thing about you, then they'd understand what a kind, smart, creative, and loving person you are."
She stared at him, then more tears came and she fell against his chest again. He had never said anything like that before.
Ren wrapped his arms around her again and stroked her hair. The voice he used was still low and monotone, but now had a certain softness to it. "No matter what you do to yourself, you'll always be beautiful to me. You're my only daughter – one of the most precious things in the world to me. Never forget that."
The brother looked on from the doorway, one eye void and emotionless, another seemingly full of longing.
Why can't I be held like that?
You don't need to be. You're too strong for that.
Why won't he tell me I'm precious to him?
You have no need for such soft words.
Why...Why can't I be free? Why won't you let me out?
...I have no use for a weakling like you.
"Papa...do you feel that way about Niisama, too?"
Ren jolted back to reality at the sound of his sister's voice. He looked down at his father, who looked back at him before finally speaking.
"I do. The both of you are my pride and joy."
"WHAT HAPPENED TO LIEN?"
"She's fine now, so calm down, Seta."
"B-B-But I...I want..."
"Just say it. You want to be the one who takes her virginity."
"N-NO! That's such an awkward thing to talk about – especially with you!"
"Heh..."
Seta was silent for a moment.
"So...um...how is she?"
"She cut off most of her hair. It's about as short as mine now."
"She WHAT?"
"Calm down...Reactions like that are common in people who have been assaulted. We're just trying to help her relax and get back into the swing of things."
"I see..."
Silence.
"Can I..."
"Hello?"
Seta froze. "H-Hey, Lien! H-How is everything?"
He could almost hear her smile. "Hi. I'm...doing okay."
"Really? I..." He swallowed. "...I was worried about you."
"Aww! You're always so sweet, Seta." She giggled.
He blushed. "Well...I...I just like making sure you're okay."
"Aww again. Haha!"
He laughed nervously. "You know...Lien...I..."
"Hm?"
He would have been fine had she not interrupted. "I-I-I..."
"T-T-T-T-Today, Seta."
"Lien, for the longest time, I-I...I've always...I just really..."
"Lien! Get off the phone – it's time for dinner!" Pin-Mei called from the dining room.
"Oh, sorry, Seta. Mom's calling. Just hold that thought. You can tell me next time, okay?"
"Sure..."
"Bye!"
"Bye..." The phone clicked. "...I love you."
At school on Monday, the class was buzzing with news of the Friday night fight. As the twins entered the room, the talking stopped. The students all stared at them. Ren glared at the ogling teens, then grabbed Lien's hand and walked to their desks. Murmurs about her hair could be plainly be heard, but that didn't mean they were any less cruel than normal.
"What'd she do?"
"Looks like she got into another fight – this time with a pair of scissors – and lost...again!"
"It's all sticking up!"
"She looks like a guy!"
"Shh! Don't say that! You'll be insulting Ren! HAHA!"
Ren turned and shot a death glare at the last commenter. "I'm already plenty insulted, believe me." He turned and took the last few steps to his chair.
Tadashi waved to them as they sat down, trying to smile. Lien gave him a small smile, but said nothing. He looked at her hair, curious and confused. Soon, he came to the realization that she had felt possessed to part with the long hair she had loved so dearly. It was a way of protecting herself. Smiling, he leaned over.
"I like your hair. I mean it."
Lien blinked at him, subconsciously touching her choppy tufts. Her family's hairdresser had tried to even out the ends, but instead opted for a choppy style, saying that if he had made it all one length, there would be next to nothing left. Her parents had agreed, only wanting to make it look like it hadn't been the rash decision of a disturbed girl. It now resembled her brother's, with hair around her ears. Slightly longer, but no tongari.
Tadashi motioned to the purple clip that was keeping her bangs from her eyes. "It seems a butterfly has chosen to land on your head. You're as beautiful as a flower even without your long hair."
She looked surprised, then glanced at her feet. "Thank you..." she said quietly. He smiled and nodded at her.
"What about my hair, Tadashi-kun?"
He looked up to see one of the popular girls twirling her hair around her finger. His eyes projected anger and annoyance, but he still smiled at them.
"I'm sorry, but I can't seem to find a single fuck to give."
The girl looked shocked, as did her friends. She looked at the ground as tears filled her eyes. "Tadashi-kun..."
Her friends stepped in front of her, obviously displeased.
"Hey, Tadashi, what was that for?"
"Yeah, you didn't need to be so mean to her!"
"And I thought he was NICE too."
"What a jerk."
He turned his head. "Your opinions don't matter to me. The only opinion that matters is Lien's. Maybe even Ren's sometimes. But the rest of you can kiss my ass."
The class was staring at him.
"And another thing, the next person who calls me 'Tadashi-KUN' is going on a one-way trip out the nearest window, courtesy of moi. You're not my friends, so stop treating me like you are. And we're not in Japan if you haven't noticed. Get your own honorifics."
A boy stood up, rolling back his sleeves. "You think just because you're Japanese you're better than us? Come on, prove it! You got your ass handed to you on a silver platter in that fight we're hearing so much about, so you can't be THAT tough!" He swung back.
"Hai-Si! Are you trying to start a fight right before class?"
The boy froze and looked back as Ms. Wong stood in the doorway, about ready to pounce on him in order to break up the fight she was anticipating. He lowered his arm and turned away.
"Damn Jap ain't worth my time."
"Unlike you, I won't resort to a racial slur in order to show my superiority," Tadashi said coolly. "I can demonstrate that in other ways."
The teacher looked around the room, noticing the annoyed faces of some and the frightful ones of others. "I don't know what's going on here, but it's going to stop. Any disruptions, and you'll be pick all the dust off the floor with tweezers. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Mrs. Wong."
"That's more like it. Now, on to today's lesson..."
But many of the students weren't paying attention. Instead, they glared at their classmates in the corner of the room.
Later in the day, Ren and Tadashi stood to go to lunch. Tadashi looked around the room only to see sour faces. He sighed, then looked behind him.
"Hey, where's Lien?"
"She went to the bathroom about five minutes ago."
Some students scampered toward the door as a crowd formed, catching the boys' attention. They walked over and pushed through them. As the scene came into view, they saw two boys cornering Lien.
"Dammit...Ren we gotta do something," Tadashi said as he took a few steps forward.
Upon examining the look in his sister's eyes, Ren grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "Just watch for now."
The prince looked back at him with clenched teeth. "How can you just stand here as she's being targeted – AGAIN?"
"Just watch. Trust me."
Tadashi reluctantly stepped back and watched the scene unfold.
One boy sneered and leaned toward her. "So, I heard you really put out for those guys from Bao Fu High," he said. "We were just hoping we could get a little of the same treatment."
The other boy tugged on her skirt. "It's no big deal, right? I mean, you've done it before, right?"
The students around them began buzzing with the apparent new facts that had developed.
"She had sex with them?"
"Seems like she was willing, too!"
"That slut!"
"Wonder how many times she's done Tadashi..."
"It's always the quiet ones, isn't it?"
Tadashi clenched his fists. "It's not true...she's not like that..." he whispered darkly. No one heard him.
He looked at Ren to see a drop of blood fall from his fist. His pupils had nearly dissolved as he tried to focus on the situation, clearly trying to keep himself from having another violent outburst.
"Dammit..." He turned back to watch for Lien's reaction.
She looked up at them, emotionless. "Do you really believe that?" Her voice was flat and dead, her eyes void of any feeling whatsoever.
"That's what we heard. So, what do you say?"
"We promise we'll be gentle." One boy chuckled and put his hand on her thigh.
In one swift movement, Lien backfisted the boy in the face, knocking him to the ground.
"Don't. Touch. Me." she whispered darkly.
"You little bitch!" the other one cried.
He went to grab her, but Lien swiftly kicked him in the jaw. Before he fell, she grabbed him by the collar, disdain apparent in her eyes.
"Should I continue beating you? Hm? Are you satisfied yet?" Without waiting for an answer, she slammed his face into a locker. She gazed at the bloodied visage and grinned weakly. "Is this your first taste of pain?"
"S-Shit..."
"I know what you're thinking...'We never expected her to fight back! We just wanted someone easy we could use as a toy!' Am I right?" She threw him to the ground and turned toward his accomplice. "Now, as for you..."
"Lien, STOP!"
Lien was frozen as Tadashi's arms wrapped around her, pinning her arms to her sides. From the crowd, Ren sighed.
That imbecile.
Lien looked at the boy embracing her, her eyes like a pair of dark voids. "What do you want?" Her eyes narrowed. "I see...you're sticking up for them because they're humans like you, right?"
He shook his head furiously. "You're wrong!"
"...What?"
"It's...it's because...The Tao Lien I know isn't like this!" he cried. "I...I know you were hurt on Friday...and I know that I have no idea how scared you must have been...but if you change like this, you're letting them win! You're-"
"Who are you to say I wasn't always like this?"
He looked at her, confused.
"How do you know this isn't just an ugly part of me I've always hid away?"
"You have no reason to hide who you are in your own house!"
She stiffened. "I've changed since then. I'm sick of all this ugliness. All this pain. I hate everyone in this school...in this country...maybe even this world...I HATE THEM!"
He grabbed her shoulders and kissed her. The crowd, which had been shocked enough by the girl's words, now let out audible gasps. As he pulled away from her, he smiled weakly.
"Then just hate me instead." She stared at him. "You hate that, don't you? Then direct that anger at me – no one else. Go on, hit me as much as you want." He let go of her, leaving her free to do as she pleased. She glowered at him, then swung her hand back. Tadashi closed his eyes as he prepared himself to receive the blow.
But the hand stopped just short of his cheek and instead touched it lightly. He opened his eyes as it left to see Lien fall to her knees, sobbing. A dull roar came from her classmates, who were confused as to what had come over the angered girl.
"Why..." she whispered, "...why are you asking me to hit you when I told you that night that I wouldn't do it again?"
He smiled at her. "See, you're not as evil as you're trying to be. Now, aren't you hungry? Let's go with Ren and get some lunch." He held his hand out.
She looked up at him slowly, then down again. Timidly, she grasped his hand and he pulled her up. She stared at him as he continued smiling. He turned and pulled her through the crowd, making their way outside. Ren joined them after promptly separating them.
They sat under a tree and the boys opened their lunch bags. Lien stared at them until Ren produced a second box and handed it to her.
"You forgot to make one this morning," he said. "You were so out of it, like a kyonshii." He looked down before taking a bite of his rice. "I...was a little worried."
"Niisama..."
He looked up at her with soft eyes. "I was worried this whole weekend. I don't like it when you're not happy. It...bothers me."
She blushed and looked away from him.
He looked at Tadashi. "But thank you for stopping her. You're right, Lien isn't really that type of person." He looked down. "I guess my father was right to trust you." His attention shifted to Lien, who was sitting on her legs and scooting closer to him.
Tadashi smiled softly at her. She's so damn cute... "Ren, if it's okay with you, I'd like to take Lien out on Friday."
The twins looked up at him curiously.
"On a date?"
"No, not really. I just want to show her a good time. I mean...she can't stick by you forever, as cute as it is to watch."
Lien bit her chopsticks, still silenced by what she had done. Her brother looked over at her, his face showing mild approval of Tadashi's proposal.
"Do you want to?"
She looked at him, then at the boy across from her. After staring at her food, she nodded.
"Why did you want to take me out, again?"
"Because I want to make sure you have the chance to do something you've always wanted to do."
"...and that is...?"
"I don't know, what is it? You tell me, and I'll make sure it happens. I'll treat it as a dying wish."
Lien stopped and stepped away to clear a path for the people behind her as she thought. "I...I've always wanted to play the piano for a lot of people...like...a concert..."
His eyes widened. "You play the piano?"
"I used to...then I got embarrassed because Papa would always read with the door open so he could hear me. I felt stupid when I messed up because he could hear me."
He grinned. "Well, 'Papa' isn't here now, so let's go!" He grabbed her wrist and started sprinting toward the train station.
"Hey, wait! How do you know where to go? You just moved here!"
He looked back at her. "I've gone to all the squares and shopping centers in the area! I made sure I memorized each place so no matter what you wanted to do, I'd know where to go!"
He stopped as they approached a turnstile and he handed her a card. "You know how to use these, right?"
"Of course I do! I'm not stupid! I have to take a train every time I go see Seta!"
"Hehe, you're so cute,"
"Bwah?"
They boarded the subway. Tadashi casually looked out the window as it began moving. "I'm so glad I moved here...everything is so beautiful..."
Silence.
"Aren't you going to say 'Just like you,' or something like that?"
He chuckled. "What need is there if you already know what I'm thinking?"
She blinked at him. "You make no sense."
They soon got off at a plaza and Tadashi began guiding her through the crowds of people to the center of a park. The further they went in, the less people there were. In the very center, away from the trees, sat a piano on the marble-tile ground.
Lien stopped short and stared at it. "...How did you know this was here?"
He smiled. "I told you, I wanted to make sure I knew everything about my new home. I spent all my free time checking this place out." He went behind her and gave her a very light shove. "Now go on. I want to see you play. I want to hear how talented you are."
Her cheeks reddened as she timidly sat down on the bench. She turned around. "T-There's no one here."
"Well, I couldn't book a symphony hall, so this is the best I can offer. I bet some people will come when they hear you."
Still unsure, she lifted the wooden covering in front of her and looked at the clean, shining keys. Her hands shook as she finally raised and then set them upon the glistening bars of white. After a deep breath, she began playing.
Tadashi closed his eyes and listening to the song resonating from the piano. He barely heard the approaching footsteps as a story formed in his mind in accordance to the music. He looked back to see a child leading his mother up to the where they were. As he turned his head back around, his eyes widened, then he smiled.
Lien's eyes were closed, her movements a telltale sign that she was completely absorbed in what she was playing. Even her breathing seemed in harmony with the tempo of the piece she was playing – one that Tadashi had never heard before.
Finally, her hands stopped dancing. She exhaled, then opened her eyes as she sat up. She jumped, almost falling off the bench.
"W-Where did these people come from?"
She swiveled around to stare at her audience, filled with those young and old, that had appeared in the square. They applauded her, and her face turned red as she tried to graciously accept their praise.
Tadashi touched her arm as he came up behind her. "Play and they will come...or something like that, right?" He laughed.
"When...did they all...get here...?"
"By the time you were halfway through the piece...What was that anyway?"
She looked down. "I...I wrote it. It was part of the reason why Papa wanted me to take lessons...I started making up stuff before I even really knew how to play. That's the one I first came up with...the one I like most."
He hugged her from behind. "Well, you were amazing. I'm so glad I brought you here."
Lien smiled. "Thanks for bringing me."
"Hehe...Now you can die happy?"
"Yeah..."
He smirked, his eyes flashing. "I'm glad."
"This is your apartment?"
"Yup. Nice and cozy."
Lien walked into the flat and gazed about. "I've only been in one or two of these..."
"Go on...I want you to feel comfortable here."
She turned to look at him. "What? Why?"
He looked at the ground sheepishly. "I feel bad about what happened...I wish I could have done something to help you more than I did...My home was so close...That's why..." He reached into his pocket, pulled something out, and held it in his fist.
Lien scooted over to him and looked at it curiously. "What is it?"
He turned the fist over and opened it. Inside was a key. He offered it to her.
"I'll understand if you're a little freaked out...but I want to make sure you know that if anything like that ever happens again, you can come here for shelter."
She stared at him, then took the key and smiled. "I appreciate your concern, Tadashi. I really do. I'm lucky to have a friend that cares about me so much...I promise I'll come here if I feel like I'm in danger." She slipped the key into her pocket.
"Can I kiss you?"
She looked up at him, shocked. "What?"
Tadashi was looking away from her. "I know I'm in no place to ask for such a thing, but the more I look at you, the more I want it."
She closed her eyes for a moment, opening them to look at the ground. "Tadashi I..."
"I know you don't love me...I'm fine with that, I really am. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters to me...I just need this one last time...Then I'll be able to let go."
He looked at her, his face bright red. It was the first time she had seen him like this.
"Tao Lien...I love you," he said. "And I promise I'll always be here for you...even when other men make you cry. I promise I'll do as much as I can for you...even if it's to get another boy to like you. These feelings are going to be with me until the day I die. I just want the person I love most to be the happiest person in the world." He clenched his fists. "But please, let me be selfish just this once...let me kiss you one last time...because I know that I'm never going to get another chance."
There was silence as they both stared at the floor. Tadashi's heart sank as he knew that with each passing second, a "no" was becoming more and more likely.
"...I don't know how to kiss, so you're on your own for that part."
His head picked up. She was looking at him out of the corner of her eye.
"B-But if you really feel like you need to, I'll let you...as long as you understand that I don't love you. I'm doing this because of what you've done for me."
He looked up at her. "Thank you." He walked past her into the kitchen. "Let me make you something."
Lien looked at him, confused. "But what about...?"
He smiled at her. "I want to catch you off-guard. You'll be so much cuter that way."
About fifteen minutes later, they sat down at the small dining table with plates of spaghetti and tomato sauce.
Lien rolled some of the pasta onto a fork. "I don't get to have this that much...we usually have all this traditional Chinese food at my house." She held up the fork, which was covered in spaghetti. "You eat it like this?"
Tadashi laughed. "No, not like cotton candy." He used a knife to push the pasta off. "Just do it like this." He stuck his own fork into his food, bringing up a few noodles. "You don't need to take so much at a time. Just a little bit." He ate it.
Lien blinked and stared at her food. In an awkward motion, she scooped some up and shoveled it into her mouth. "Wike dish?"
Tadashi stared at her. "...So this is the refinement of the Tao Family...wow..."
Lien's face turned red and she quickly swallowed what was in her mouth. "I-I'm sorry about that! I usually don't talk with my mouth full...it's so rude! Mama and Papa taught me much more manners than that, really!"
He chuckled. "I'll never get over how cute you are."
She looked away, taking another bite of her dinner. "Whatever..."
Later on, Tadashi took down a photo album from one of his bookshelves. "Let me show you my friends back in Japan," he said.
"Okay. I have to admit I am kind of interested."
They sat on the couch and started going through the photos.
"This is my dad. He used to work for a big insurance firm...He died during a robbery when he was at the bank. Since my mom was never around, he had to raise me all by himself."
Lien froze. "I...At my house, you said he was gunned down on the subway on his way home from work..."
His face twisted in thought. "Did I? Hm...maybe that was how he died..." He shrugged and turned the page. "I try not to dwell on it...doesn't change the fact that he's gone." He pointed to a photo. "This is me in junior high with a few buds of mine." He flipped the page. "These are pictures of right before I moved here. I had this little junior high kid that followed me around sometimes. See?"
He pointed to a picture. Lien squinted her eyes. "...You're the only one in that picture."
He looked at it. She was right. He chuckled nervously. "Whoops, wrong page! You're so sharp! Eh heh heh..."
He flipped the page. Just him. He kept flipping. All the pages were filled of solo pictures of him, looking like he was posing with other people. Some were ripped in half, as if to hide the fact that another person had been there. He finally dropped the book. Lien looked at him with pitying eyes.
"Maybe there's another album somewhere..."
"NO THERE ISN'T!"
She jumped, not used to hearing him yell. He grabbed his head, his eyes wild. "B-BAKANA! THERE'S NO WAY THAT ALL OF THOSE PICTURES ARE GONE!"
"But Tadashi...you're the only one in them..." He started shaking, and she put her hand on his shoulder. "Can you remember the name of the boy that used to follow you around? You must if you took pictures together, right?"
He froze and looked up. "He was...he was...U...No, maybe...S...I...I don't know...SH-SHIRANAI!"
"Maybe it's because you're so worked up," she said. "Maybe once you calm down, you'll remember. For right now..." She stopped as he began murmuring to himself, his voice becoming more and more desperate.
"Wakaranai...Dou iu koto nano...NAZE...NANDE...NANDATTE? DOUSHITE? ARIEMASEN - ZETTAINI FUKANOU DESU!"
He kept repeating the words over and over again. Lien remained seated next to him, unsure of what to do. She had no idea what this meant. She didn't know how to calm him down. There was nothing she could...
Wait...
She would never do it otherwise, but it tore at her heart to see him like this. Gently, she patted his head and got him to look at her.
I said I would...so I'm doing it...I never wanted to believe it before...but...he does need someone.
"Lien...?" His eyes were red and swollen, a sight she had never wanted to see.
"Please don't cry," she whispered. She gently wiped his tears away before scooting closer to him. I'm not cheating...I'M NOT! "Tadashi-kun..."
He glanced at her, confused at how she was addressing him. Lien just smiled weakly.
Gingerly, she leaned over and let her lips press against his. Tadashi sat there for a few moments, immobile, then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him. Even when he pushed her down on the couch, she refused to hold him or touch him in any way. She was only doing this because she thought it would make him forget about those stupid photos.
But then his lips left hers and started trailing down her neck. Her eyes shot open and she struggled, grabbing the wrist of the hand resting on her hip.
"No! S-Stop it, Tadashi! STOP IT!"
He immediately let go of her and sat up. Her eyes were watering and she was breathing heavily – not from excitement and desire, but from desperation and fear. Ashamed, he turned away from her.
"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to go that far..."
She calmed down slightly, then sat up next to him. "It...It's alright...I just...remembered..."
He looked at her. "I would NEVER do that without your complete and total consent. Even if you said it was alright, I'd keep asking you if it was what you really wanted. And I promise I'd make it as special as I possibly could. It...It wouldn't be my first, but I know how precious virginity is." He smirked at himself, turning away. "I wish I had waited...I can't even remember who my first time was with..." He looked at her again. "But I'll never be like those disgraceful pigs...that I can promise you."
She was just staring at him, her face bright red. "Why talk about things like that? I...I already told you that I love someone else."
He lunged and hugged her. "I don't care. No matter who you love, no matter who you're with through out the course of your life, Lien, you'll always be in my heart...and if they make you cry, I'll always be there to pick up the pieces. Just please...keep being my friend...let me stay beside you...I...I want to protect you as much as I can. I'll get stronger, even if it means joining Ren on the martial arts team. It doesn't matter to me. All that matters...is you."
As he let go of her, he saw that she was sobbing, trying to wipe her eyes with her palm.
"What's wrong?"
She looked up at him. "I...I'm so sorry...I really am...You...You're just so loving...and you want to do everything for me...but I...I can't find it in me to feel the same way...I just...these feelings for this other person...they're too strong, and I can't just forget them!" She fell against his shoulder. "I don't want you to be alone...I wish you'd love someone who deserves it more than me...someone who won't be so ungrateful...If I could...I'd love you with all my heart and soul and make your loneliness go away...but I can't...I JUST CAN'T, AND IT HURTS!"
Tadashi looked at the arm of the sofa, his eyes filled with doleful bliss. He reached back and grabbed tissues from the night stand beside the couch, then began wiping the young heiress's eyes.
"Don't cry, Lien," he whispered. "Feelings aren't something we can control, no matter how hard we try. We can love people who have hurt us so badly that we think dying would be easier. We hate people who touch our lives and support us without a second thought. You're not to blame."
"But I..."
"I want you to go to this person you love and tell him how you feel, then you won't have a need to cry at all. You'll be happy. Anyone in their right mind would feel blessed to know that you want to be with them."
"But if he...he..."
"If he, by some rare chance, doesn't accept your feelings..." He wrapped his arms around her again. "You can come here, and I'll hold you just like this until your tears stop."
"Tadashi..." She closed her eyes.
He looked at the clock; it was past eight. "It's getting late, I'll walk you home."
She nodded. "Okay..."
They were silent as they walked. Each kept glancing at the other, but always looked away when the other turned to look at them. Finally, Lien opened the door to the large manor.
"Thank you for today," Lien said. She smiled. "I had fun...and...um...your cooking was nice..."
He laughed. "I should be thanking you. If you weren't there, I don't know what I would have done."
She looked down. "I didn't really do anything."
He smiled. "It's okay for you to deny it. At least I know the truth."
She shied away behind the door. "You're so dumb..."
He tilted his head and smiled at her. "Maybe I am."
Silence.
"B-Bye!" She went in and slammed the door.
Tadashi looked at the ground, his smile slightly faded, then went home.
As he sat on his couch again, he flipped on the TV and stared at it, the pictures reflecting off his dark eyes. As his vision was blurred, he fell back against it.
"Why am I even here?" he whispered. "When I moved here, I thought I had a purpose. Someone came to me in a dream and told me to come here, that Lien needed me...But she doesn't. SHE DOESN'T NEED ME AT ALL! She loves someone else, and he's not me. Even if she said that stuff to me, it doesn't change the fact that she didn't tell me she loves me."
He stared at the open photo album on the ground.
"I can't even remember what life was like before her. I can't remember that boy's name. I can't even remember what he looked like. What color his hair was...
"For some reason, I thought I'd find Kaasan if I came here." He laughed. "No, of course not. If she left dad so soon after I was born, she wouldn't show up so easily. She probably left just because she didn't want a son."
He looked over at the club photo sticker placed on a nearby photo frame. Both contained pictures of him and Lien from that day.
"Are you going to disappear someday too, Lien?"
He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He touched his lips. "But she did that on her own. Even if it was just to calm me down, she cared enough to do that." He opened his eyes. "C'mon, Tadashi, stop being so depressed," he told himself. "At least she cares about you that much." He sighed, then got up and went over to the fridge. "Still, a little cookie dough never hurt anyone..."
But as he took the metal cooking bowl filled with the god-given food from the rack, there was a knock on the door.
"Who...? Maybe Lien forgot something?"
Setting the bowl on the table, he looked through the peephole in the door. He froze for a moment, then frantically reached into his pocket and pulled out the slim metal case. He compared the contents to what he saw through the hole, then stuffed it back into his pants as he threw the door open, tears in his eyes.
"Kaasan..."
Lien closed the door and leaned against it, her eyes fixed on the floor.
Tonight. I'm telling him how I feel. She squeezed them shut. I'm so scared...If he says no, My whole world will turn upside down.
"How was it?"
She looked up to see her brother standing there, his arms crossed. She looked away.
"It was fine."
"He didn't treat you badly?"
"No, of course not."
"I thought not. Just making sure." He turned to leave. "Come on. Mother's been worried sick about you. You know her – she finds it hard to let go."
Clenching her fists, Lien look up at him. "Niisama."
He turned back around. "What is it?"
Don'tblushDon'tblushDon'tblush... "Can I talk to you about something?"
"What about?"
! "I...need some advice on something."
He gave her a kind smile. "Of course. Come to my room later, I just need to work out first."
She nodded, then followed him into the living room where their parents were resting. Pin-Mei sprang up and threw her arms around her daughter.
"Welcome home! How was your date?"
Lien looked away. "It wasn't a date."
"It wasn't? Oh...well...Still, how was it?"
She smiled. "It was fun. He was really nice to me."
"Well, that's good!" her mother said excitedly. "Did you kiss?"
"Pin-Mei, don't be so nosy," Ren called from his chair. "Besides, she said it wasn't a date. Listen more carefully."
"I did listen! I was just checking! I mean, our first kiss wasn't on a date!"
Lien blinked. "It wasn't? What happened?"
"Well! Your father and I-"
"Pin-Mei..." Ren warned.
The younger Ren sighed and left the room. "I'll see you later, Lien."
His sister nodded. "Yeah..."
Their father studied them. "Is something wrong?"
Lien shook her head and smiled nervously. "No! I'm fine! I-I'm going to my room, bye!" She sprinted up the stairs and slammed her door shut. Pin-Mei blinked as Ren turned back to his book.
"Is she...alright?"
"I don't think there's anything wrong with her. She probably just wants to be alone."
But as Lien went up the stairs, she turned to see her maidservant following her. She smiled weakly.
"You always know when I need you."
Sheng bowed her head. "It is my duty to sense when you need assistance."
Lien ran into her room and belly-flopped onto her bed. Sheng looked over at her, her face placid.
"Mistress, is there something the matter?"
Lien rolled over, looking up at her with red eyes.
"Sheng...have you ever wanted to tell someone something so badly, but you're afraid of how they'd react, or how they'd treat you afterwards?"
Her guardian thought for a moment. "Forgive me, Mistress, but I can't say that I have. However, for your sake, I will pretend. What do you need to tell this person?"
Lien clenched her fist. "That I love them...and...that I want to be with them."
She nodded knowingly. "Who are you telling?"
Lien opened her mouth, then closed it. She whimpered and curled up into a ball.
"Mistress?"
A mumble. Sheng's eyes widened slightly.
"Who?"
"NIISAMA!" Lien yelled, uncurling herself.
Sheng stared at her. "But...But Mistress, with all due respect, such a union is-"
"I KNOW IT'S WRONG!" her master screamed. "DON'T YOU THINK EVEN I WOULD KNOW HOW GROTESQUE IT IS FOR SIBLINGS TO LOVE EACH OTHER? DON'T YOU THINK I'VE TRIED MY FUCKING HARDEST TO IGNORE HOW I FELT? YOU DON'T KNOW, SHENG, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LOVE ANYONE! SO DON'T TRY TO LECTURE ME ON HOW AWFUL I AM TO LOVE MY BROTHER THE WAY I DO!" She went back into her ball and cried.
"Mistress..."
"L-Leave me alone...Get out of my room..."
Sheng closed her eyes and turned to leave.
"If you tell anyone about this...I'll make sure you're killed."
She froze, knowing such a threat was empty, but that the master she knew would have never threaten her with a penalty of death.
"I'll be praying for your happiness, Milady."
She left.
"Bocchama, this humble maid has brought you some milk,"
Ren looked back at Huan with an evil eye. "Thank you...you may leave it right there."
"Of course, Bocchama." She set a tray carrying a pitcher of milk on his dresser, then took a cup and brought it over to him. "Here."
"I believe I told you to leave it so I could get it when I felt like it."
"My apologies, Bocchama. This one was only considering that you may be fatigued after your workout, so she decided that maybe she could be helpful by bringing it to you."
Ren studied her, then took the cup. He sipped it, and, deciding it was okay, took a drink from it. Huan smiled as she watched him.
"Is it to your liking, Bocchama?"
"Yes...Yes it is..." He glanced at her. "Is there something you want?"
She waved her hand in front of her face. "No, no. This one just likes watching Bocchama sometimes." She closed her eyes and put her right hand on her heart. "She gets a warm feeling in her heart when she knows that Bocchama is content."
He paused, then drank the last bit of milk, finishing the glass. He held it out to her and she took it from him. She glanced at him as he yawned.
"Is Bocchama tired?"
"Maybe..."
"Shall this maid tell Ojouchama not to come?"
"No, no...she said she needed me for something, so I'll stay up as long as she needs me to."
"Bocchama loves his sister very much."
"Of course I do...she's the only one I have..." His eyes were closing.
"Bocchama has a soft spot?"
"None...of...your...busi...ne...s...zzz..."
He fell onto his bed, sound asleep. Huan's eyes flashed as she smiled at him.
"Bocchama is so adorable when he sleeps."
Lien heard the door open. She looked back, her eyes still red and wet.
"Huan? W-What are you doing here?"
The maid smiled as she closed the door. "This humble maid heard Ojouchama was distressed."
"...Did Sheng tell you that?"
"She only said that you were upset, but this one knows why that is, and she thought she would be able to help you."
Lien put her head on the mattress. "How could YOU help me?"
"This lowly servant knows that Ojouchama loves Bocchama."
Lien's eyes shot open as she bolted upright. "H-How did you know that?"
Huan giggled. "Ojouchama is so funny. This one has known you for so long, she knows when you're in love."
Lien looked at her rug. "Are...Are you going to tell me how wrong it is for me to love him the way I do?"
Huan shook her head. "Not at all, My Lady. This maid believes this is better than you loving a stranger. If you can just get up the courage to tell Bocchama your true feelings, This one is positive that he will accept them."
"But..."
"Ojousama, your stress is going to make this a dreadful experience. You should go into this with vigor and confidence. He is your first love, is he not?"
"He is...I just...don't want to make things awkward with him..."
The maid looked at her sympathetically. "Ojousama, come here," she said pulling a slip of paper from her sleeve. "Smell this. This humble maid assures you that it will calm your nerves."
Lien sniffed the air. "It's...sweet," she whispered. She took the slip of paper and smelled it.
Watching her, Huan looked at the characters written on the back of it. She smiled.
"Huan Xiang," she whispered.
Lien's body slumped over and fell to the floor. The servant cackled and knelt down beside her, tearing the girl's clothing and dirtying her face.
"You want your brother's love so much, Tao Lien," she whispered in a mocking voice. "I can't guarantee that you'll get that, but at least my family will get a show we won't soon forget.
"Who's the lead actress? Why, that would be you, you foolish little Tao."
"Reeeeeennnnn," Pin-Mei called in a sing-song voice.
Ren sighed as she took the book from his hands and tossed it behind her, then seated herself sideways in his lap. He looked at the clock; just a little past nine.
"It's too early to go to bed," he said stoically.
She giggled, then nuzzled her cheek against his. "That's not what I want right now," she said. "I was just thinking...we should go on a trip soon. We haven't gone anywhere alone since our honeymoon in America. Wouldn't it be nice to get away?"
"And this came from where?"
"Just thinking about how much I like being alone with you. I love our children, too, but everyone deserves a break now and then, right?" She kissed him and he smirked at her.
"You thought out what you were going to say, didn't you?"
"Hehe, you could tell?"
"I see through you like a window."
She hugged him and he finally put his arms around her.
"Fine, fine, where do you want to go?"
"Anywhere with a spa. I won't be picky this time."
"Alright, we'll plan something for next month, how about that? Will that satisfy you for right now?"
"Yes." She clutched him tighter and kissed him. "I love you."
He smirked again and cupped her cheek. "I know." He kissed her. They smiled at each other before Pin-Mei lay against his chest.
"And since the twins get along so well, we don't need to worry about them fighting or anything, so we won't need to have anyone mind them." She sighed happily. "We're so blessed to have such wonderful children."
"I suppose we are."
"P-Papa..."
"Speaking of which...What is it, Lien?" He turned his head slowly, then stopped. His eyes widened. Pin-Mei leaped from his lap so he could dash from his chair to his daughter. He grabbed her shoulders. "Lien! What the hell happened?"
Her clothes were torn, as if she had been struggling, and her neck and face were bruised. She touched the inside of her leg, then looked at her hand. Ren's gaze fell on it, a look of horror flooding his eyes.
Blood.
"Papa..." she whispered, tears in her eyes.
Ren tried to stay calm. He had to be the rock she seemed to need at this moment. "What...?"
"Papa..." she whispered again. She fell to her knees and he hugged her close to him. "I...I just wanted to talk to Niisama..."
Ren's eyes widened, then narrowed in rage, the culprit of his daughter's pain becoming clear. He held her tighter as she quivered and sobbed into his shoulder.
"Papa...w-why...is it always m-me...?"