A/N:

I'll keep this A/N super short. I'm so incredibly grateful for every review and for everyone that takes the time to read this kooky little tale. I would tell you how grateful Edroar is, but that cocky bastard expects it. Speaking of which, the tyrant has returned. So I'm gonna get the hell outta his way.

HappyMess: You turn Lame into Lamé…Only you have this power.

*DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…I'm just a girl that doesn't sleep.*

'But I don't want to go among mad people,' said Alice. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the cat. 'We're all mad here.'

-Alice in Wonderland

I tried my best not to slam the door as I stormed out of his office…I failed miserably. The loud bang echoed down the hall as I made my speedy retreat. Who did that pompous bastard think he was calling me his personal servant?

Who does that?

Edroar the arrogant fat cat that's who. I decided to write my own book… and it certainly wouldn't be a children's story. I huffed in response to the angry thoughts going on in my head as I flew down the hall; my arms propelled me faster, like a speed racer.

There was no way I could work for him. How could I ever work for him? What was I thinking? For Christ's sake, his employees got together and wrote a book about what a miserable man he was.

What did I possibly expect?

Part of me had hoped Angela was overreacting when she came home day after day complaining about her horrible boss. I figured she was a more sensitive person than I was.

I figured wrong.

Not that he could ever make me cry. In his dreams. But he could annoy the living shit out of me and that was just as bad, really. I was still chastising myself, grumbling incoherently about Plan A, when I reached Alice's desk. She took in my murderous expression and didn't seem surprised in the slightest.

"I see things went well." She teased, as she stood and turned my way.

"Oh yes, just delightful." I said, full of sarcasm. "He called me his personal servant." My arms were folded tightly and I felt myself glaring at poor Alice.

"Oh, you got off easy then. I've been called much worse than that," a masculine voice responded. I quickly spun my head around.

"Hi, I'm Emmett." He waved and smiled politely.

"I'm Bella, nice to meet you. I'm sorry… I'm not usually this bitchy. I just…" I ran my hand over my face, "Never mind." I shook my head and smiled weakly.

I realized these people didn't want to hear me complain, they didn't even know me.

"No I get it. Trust me. We've all been there." He let out a long empathetic sigh, "And I don't think you were being bitchy at all…more like human."

I had to crane my neck back a bit just to look at him. He towered over me. He was downright massive… and handsome. He had biceps and triceps and all sorts of eps that most people didn't even know existed. Instantly, I wondered if he was single. Then I quickly reminded myself that I wasn't on the market. I had ended the search.

No way was I going down that road again.

Alice quickly made her way over to me and held her arms out wide for a hug. I didn't want a hug. That would mean he got to me and caused me to need a hug. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. But, I couldn't be rude to Alice, so I gave her a brief hug, and mumbled that I was totally fine.

"Bella seriously, I would be shocked if you came out of his office in a good mood," Alice said sweetly, and then hesitated, "You know, I don't think I've ever seen anyone come out of his office in a good mood."

Emmett laughed heartily, Alice just shrugged her shoulders. I stood there wondering how they could be so nonchalant. It made no sense to me at all.

"How can you work for a man like that?" I pointed in the direction of his office.

They looked at each other and then back to me. They both began to speak and then stopped; Emmett motioned for Alice to go ahead.

"Well, not only is it a prestigious company to work for, but the pay is top notch, it can't be beat. Plus, everyone here, except Mr. Cullen, is extremely pleasant…so he's totally outnumbered." She giggled mischievously.

"She's right. Let him be king of the jungle," he swiped the air with his hands. "He can roar all he wants, as long as he signs my paycheck." Emmett grinned snidely, as Alice continued to giggle.

Is that what it was really all about…money? We were willing to be verbally abused on a daily basis for money? I felt nauseated by the thought.

"So we just let him belittle us so we can get paid each week?" My voice sounded appalled.

"Well, when you say it like that, it sounds so awful." Alice pouted.

"Welcome to the American dream, little girl." Emmett used his hands as a megaphone, doing a mock announcement, and then gave me a friendly wink.

"Sounds more like a nightmare to me," I spat out irritably. I could feel the scowl forming on my face.

"Eh...It's not so bad. Nothing a few stiff drinks at the end of the day can't fix, right, Al?"

"Right. Oh, we should tell her about our…" she glanced behind her, "Support group." She made air quotes as she said the words.

"You have a support group?" I chuckled at the idea.

"Don't laugh, I'm serious. We have weekly meetings."

I just rolled my eyes at her. She was smiling brightly, sparkling once again. Angela never mentioned that to me. She was probably too embarrassed. Who needs a support group for their job? I tried not to seem insensitive, but I found it totally ridiculous.

"So what do you do at these meetings?"

She lowered her voice to almost a whisper. "We have a booth reserved at the Bottleneck; we meet every Monday and Friday after work. Not the whole company, of course. It's just those of us that work closest with Mr. Cullen." She sounded very serious; she kept glancing behind her as she spoke. " You see, it started as just a general happy hour, but we always ended up venting about, Edroar."

Instantly she clamped both of her hands over her mouth in fear.

"I mean Mr. Cullen… Shit!" Her eyes darted nervously over to Emmett, who looked up to the ceiling and then stuck his hands in his pockets inconspicuously.

I snickered and watched them squirm around a bit. "It's alright guys. I know about the book, Angela told me."

Alice let out a breath of relief. The two of them were hysterical. I found myself laughing full heartedly and wondered how on earth they managed to change my mood around so quickly. Alice looked at her watch and her eyes widened dramatically.

"Oh my god Bella, you better get down to the health club right now. It's almost eight o'clock." She frantically grabbed my hand and began dragging me down the hall. The girl was much stronger than she appeared. The dragging me around thing had to stop though, I was getting whiplash.

"Uh… Alice, slow down." I pulled back on her hand, but she just tugged me forward and kept going. I looked back at Emmett, he was smirking at me.

I gave him the evil eye and moved my feet faster to keep up with the tiny tsunami leading the way. She practically threw me in the elevator and then pushed Emmett in as well.

"You'll thank me for this later," was all she said, and then she was off.

Emmett and I were smiling widely as the doors closed. Suddenly I lost all control, I had a damn laughter attack right there in the elevator. I became a cackling, snickering, teary, blotchy faced, mess.

It was Alice that triggered it, but in her defense my laughter control issues were always heightened as a result of strong emotional turmoil.

It didn't matter what the emotion was, happy, sad, angry, scared, hell sometimes even sexually stimulated. Any powerful emotion could trigger an attack.

It was utterly shameful, but I was well known for laughing hysterically when someone got hurt in front of me.

I struggled to control my laughter at funerals, during wedding vows, at christenings, pretty much all religious occasions, as well as any other highly inappropriate or non-humorous event.

It wasn't that I found the situation itself amusing, it was just some sort of odd physical reaction to the intensity of emotions surrounding the event. It seriously was very hard for me to control.

I was a freak and I knew it.

I was still desperately gasping for air when I sheepishly looked up at Emmett through red, watery eyes. I looked completely unstable. I expected him to have the same freaked out expression that most people got when I had a laughter attack in front of them.

Instead he just shook his head lightly and patted me on the back a few times before he said, "You're gonna fit in around here just fine, little girl."

I came to find out that Emmett was the manager of the health club. He was also Mr. Cullen's personal trainer. He showed me around and introduced me to some of the health club staff.

Boy, Tanya wasn't kidding when she said the atmosphere was different there.

It was so alive…electric. The bass beat of the music in the weight room thumped through my bones.

My body tingled all over from the amount of energy that surrounded me, everything about it, the decor, the fitness equipment and especially the staff were just bursting with life.

I had a contact high just from absorbing it all.

The first person I met was Mike, a yoga instructor. He was very…uh…unique. He wore a skin tight pair of aqua stretch pants and a long, hot pink tank top, no shoes. Somehow, he managed to pull it off.

When Emmett told him my name, he clapped his hands together and said, "Oh Bella...the beautiful. Is that short for Isabella?"

"Yes, but I prefer Bella."

"Really?" He looked fascinated by this tid bit of information, "I believe that the etymology of a person's name holds deep meaning." He put his hand on his chest, "For instance, my name means 'gift from God', which as you can see…" his hand made a full circle around his face, "Is completely accurate." He placed his hand on his hip with attitude and batted his eyelashes at me.

I chuckled, thinking he was joking around, but then noticed he wasn't chuckling along with me.

Oh… he's a diva.

"Are you a virgin?" He asked casually.

"Excuse me?" I choked on my chuckle.

"Your name, it means consecrated by God. Are you? Or has someone snatched an apple off that pretty little tree and taken a bite of your forbidden fruit, beautiful Bella?"

Before I could respond a tall, blond haired woman appeared behind him.

She rolled her eyes and snapped, "Michelle, leave her alone."

He swung his hand over his head theatrically and sniped, "Harlot please, don't be pissy. It's not my fault your momma named you after an overpriced flower."

The woman just shook her head as if to say 'whatever', though she looked amused. A mischievous grin spread across Mike's face. I got the feeling their cat fights were a regular occurrence.

Ignoring his comment, she looked over at me and said, "I'm Rose, it's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you Rose, I'm Bella…the defiled apple tree."

She giggled softly and Mike's eyes snapped over to mine. "I knew that the moment you told me you preferred to go by Bella, just couldn't live up to your full name could you?" He taunted.

"Hmmm… You don't go by your full name either, Mike. What does that say about you?" I teased back.

"Honey, I am a gift from God. I can go by anything I want." His neck swayed back and forth as he spoke, in true diva fashion. It was pretty funny, if I hadn't just suffered a full blown laughter attack in the elevator, he surely would have triggered one off.

Suddenly, Emmett came back from wherever he wandered off to. "Okay Bella, follow me. Mr. Cullen will be here any minute."

I waved goodbye to Mike and Rose, and followed Emmett up a small flight of stairs and down a short hallway.

"This is the massage room," he announced while opening the door. "It's completely soundproof. Things can get noisy in the club during the day and Mr. Cullen demands absolute silence when in here. We have strict instructions to only disrupt him for a dire emergency."

Emmett stepped aside, giving me a view of the room. It had the same effect on me as the executive suite… it was dreamlike.

Actually, it was even more heavenly in my opinion. Two of the four walls were just windows, large tinted windows overlooking the gorgeous meadow.

From this location I even spotted a small bubbling stream. The serenity of the room was simply breathtaking.

There was a massage table…of course… in the center of the room. The décor was basic, white walls, hardwood floors, a cabinet and sink, a small table, and soft, tranquil, lighting, nothing that would take away from the almost panoramic view.

"You should have everything you need in here. If you have any problems," he handed me a Blackberry, "Just pull up my name and you'll get my cell, there's a text in there from me with your phone number on it. This is how the club staff communicates with each other. None of us sit at a desk and Mr. Cullen didn't want a phone in this room. Make sure to turn it off when he's in here."

I took the phone; the wallpaper on it immediately caught my eye. It was a group photo of the club staff. They were dressed in clothes from the seventies.

Emmett was sporting a huge afro and a pair of plaid bell bottoms, Rose looked gorgeous in a low cut, black satin jumpsuit, with Farah Fawcett hair and Mike…oh god I had to look away a moment… he was wearing red and white dolphin shorts, `a la Richard Simons, a gold lamé tank top with matching gold leg warmers and a pair of red, patent leather, platform shoes.

There were several people in the photo I didn't recognize.

I released a half laugh, half gurgle kind of noise. The photo was equal parts funny and disturbing to look at.

"That was last Halloween, we always go with a theme." Emmett smiled as he looked over my shoulder at the picture.

"Wow! Such a shame you weren't alive back then. Those pants were just made for you." I placed the phone on the cabinet.

"Very funny, wait until you see what we're doing this year. You're gonna love it." He headed for the door snickering and smiling devilishly as he went.

"Oh please, let it be the eighties. I want to see you in a mullet." I begged, my hands folded together in prayer.

"Yeah…yeah... Yuk it up now, little girl. Don't forget, you're the newbie around here, which means you don't get any input on your first costume. Be warned, we're a very creative crew." He gave me a quick wink and closed the door.

"They are all absolutely mad here." I said to myself in a faint whisper. "Thank god." I added with a sigh of relief.

My zany co-workers made my warped personality seem normal…. said the girl talking to herself.

I chuckled at my crazy ways as I prepped for the massage. I wasn't nervous at all. I would be in full control. He would be on my turf this time and I'd make sure he knew it.

I realized I wouldn't actually need to talk to him, ever really, that made me feel much better. Maybe this job wouldn't be as bad as I thought.

I had just dimmed the lights, when the door swung open; my boss filled the frame for several moments, making sure his presence was known.

"You're late." I remarked dryly.

I was only joking. I thought it was kind of funny, since I'd been warned about his great fondness for punctuality. Though, judging by the angry expression on his face he didn't find the humor in it.

He strode in the room like he owned it…which he did. His walk was just as arrogant as his talk, which was pretty damn arrogant.

"Don't reprimand me." He spat out angrily.

Damn, he was fun to get riled up. My God, he was so uptight, no sense of humor at all and angry as a bag of bees.

I was wrong about him making my life a living hell; I bet I could make his life a living hell, since he was the one that let things get to him so easily. I was very good at letting things roll off my back. I sensed he wasn't.

"It was just an observation, Mr. Cullen. No disrespect was intended." My voice sounded as sweet as apple pie, a halo appeared above my head.

He didn't reply, though he seemed to look even angrier if that were possible. He didn't scare me. As a matter of fact, I had a morbid curiosity to hear his mighty roar.

Baby steps, Bella.

Getting fired on the first day wasn't really my intent. So I decided to tone it down….for now.

I excused myself so he could get undressed. After a few minutes I opened the door. It was pointless for me to knock and ask if he was ready, like I usually would, since the room was soundproof. So I gave him a few extra minutes before returning.

My footsteps on the wood floor seemed obnoxiously loud. I tried my best to quietly make my way over to the center of the room. I made a mental note to never wear the noisy shoes I had on again.

I took bigger steps to get there quicker. I felt like I was stepping over invisible puddles. It looked like I was trying to sneak up on him. Thankfully he couldn't see me.

He was laying on the table, stretched out on his stomach, a crisp white sheet covering his lower half. His arms were hanging over the top of the table. His head lay on a face cradle instead of a portal. I assumed it was due to his height, he was quite tall.

The room was covered in silence, though this time it was expected. It was welcomed.

His eyes were peaceably closed, which instantly made him look less threatening, his lips weren't pursed and ready to attack. They looked much fuller when relaxed.

I took a few moments to observe him. I was slightly stunned by how such subtle changes could alter his appearance so drastically. Not that he looked warm and fuzzy.

He didn't.

He just didn't look cold and angry. That alone was a pretty miraculous sight to behold.

Almost as if he heard my thoughts his eyelids flew open, two cold green stones were now glaring up at me.

"Miss Swan, I'm not paying you to stand there gawking at me."

And just like that, the fat cat was back. He held my gaze for several seconds until I looked away. I calmed myself before looking back to him.

"You know Mr. Cullen, I didn't want to do this, but I promised myself I would tell you the next time I felt you were rude to me."

I made sure to say this respectfully. I decided to kill him with kindness as my initial approach. It seemed to annoy the hell out of him. So it was working.

I folded my arms and tried to remove the scowl from my face. The man was going to cause me premature wrinkles if I wasn't careful.

"Really." He pushed his body up to rest on his forearms. The sheet pushed down a bit and I saw just how bare he was beneath it.

"Yes, really," I said abruptly, cutting off whatever snide remark he was about to spit out at me. I moved in real close and whispered in his ear, "I'm not afraid of you."

His eyes widened as I pulled my lips away. He scanned me from head to toe, lingering on my face a few moments.

"Ah…and yet your breath is labored…I can hear it." He enunciated each word carefully. His voice was silky smooth, "Your face is flushed…I can see it." I watched as his lips rolled up into a smirk.

Now my eyes widened.

I don't flush.

What the hell was he talking about? I darted over to the cabinet to look in the mirror that hung above it.

Shit! I was flushed.

I could feel his smug grin pounding on my back; god he was such an arrogant bastard. Slowly I turned and walked over to him, loving the sound my obnoxious shoes were making. I even added a little strut to my step just to project outer confidence.

"Don't flatter yourself." I lowered my head slightly, quickly catching my hair and placing it behind my ears. "I'm flushed from an incident I had in the elevator with Emmett earlier." I didn't elaborate, I certainly wasn't about to tell him what a freak I was.

Immediately the smirk left his face and was replaced with an irritated glare.

"It's against company policy to engage in sexual activity." His tone shifted from smooth to menacing in an instant.

I then realized he consisted of only two moods, arrogant and angry. He seemed to alternate between the two quite rapidly.

"No sexual activity…ever?" I scoffed. "That's a pretty harsh policy Mr. Cullen; you must have a lot of horny workers here."

I couldn't help the devious smirk that appeared on my face, no matter how hard I tried to conceal it. I knew what he meant, but I just couldn't resist giving him a hard time.

Annoying him had become my new favorite hobby. He deserved it too. The pompous jerk had the nerveto accuse me of engaging in sexual activity, with a complete stranger, in an elevator, on my first day of work.

Who does that?

I found I asked myself that question a lot since I started work at Cullen Publishing. I was so lost in my thoughts that I failed to notice the sinister smile that spread across his face.

Our eyes met, his shot out fire, mine playfully roasted marshmallows over the flames. He plowed his hand through his hair recklessly. I flinched instinctively, it just had to hurt.

After some tense filled moments, I thought he wasn't going to respond at all, but when I turned to grab the massage oil I heard him snarl, "Your smart mouth won't be tolerated. Consider that a warning." He laid flat on his stomach and closed his eyes.

I let out a small huff.

Ah yes…another delightful conversation.

I was actually slightly disappointed. So far, all I'd gotten was a growl and a snarl. No roar. I was beginning to think it was all hype.

Though it was incredibly childish of me, I couldn't resist sticking my tongue out at him, as he lay there with his eyes shut, in protest of his arrogant behavior.

There…take that you big meanie.

I stood there with a bottle of massage oil in my hands, making faces at my boss. I looked around for a security camera. Lord, how embarrassing would that be? I didn't find one, thank god.

It was time to get to work.

I took a deep breath and released it slowly, centering myself.

Massage therapy was an art form, in my opinion. There were five basic steps to a Swedish massage, but to me it was much more than just text book jargon.

Even using the word 'steps' just didn't sound right. It sounded too clinical.

There was a reciprocal energy that happened during a massage, it was quite powerful at times. Most people didn't know it, but I had a very giving nature. It made me feel good to help others. Not in a people pleasing or kiss ass kind of way.

I just always preferred giving to taking.

I didn't want to owe anyone anything. I could certainly take care of myself. I had proven that time and again. Not that anyone was jumping up to take care of me.

Shit!

Where was all the negativity coming from? I had centered myself. Frustrated by my lack of focus, I tried again, this time letting only positive thoughts course through my mind. It took a few moments, but I did it.

I loved the feeling of massage oil; I let it slip through my fingers slowly. I enjoyed its silky texture as I spread it across his back. I felt myself slipping into the zone.

Whether I was singing, writing lyrics or giving a massage, I would lose myself deeply and end up in a creative zone.

My hands were gliding over the smooth skin on his back. Oddly enough our skin color was nearly identical, it was hard to tell where my skin ended and his began.

I watched as my fingertips slid up and down his spine, I warmed out the area by creating circular friction with my palms. He laid there still as a statue.

After warming and kneading his muscles, I noticed his breathing had gotten louder. It actually knocked me out of my zone, which was really tough to do.

I cautiously peered over at his face. His mouth hung slightly open. His eyes were darting around beneath his eyelids. I heard the faintest snore.

The mighty Edroar had fallen asleep.

It wasn't uncommon. I just hadn't expected it of him. He was so uptight, intense and…angry. I stopped and observed him for a few moments. I could only imagine what he would say if he caught me standing there gawking at him again.

But I just couldn't help it.

I was like a detective trying to solve a case. What made him so damn angry? I mean the guy was young...most girls would consider him to be quite handsome and he was extremely successful.

What the hell was his problem?

It just seemed so odd to me. I was usually pretty good at reading people and I got the feeling that something was haunting him, but what?

That's exactly what my nosy self wanted to know.

I pulled my eyes away from his sleeping face. I mean, what was I doing? Uptight, intense and angry people slept too. It was just fascinating to see it in action.

It didn't take long for me to get back into my zone. Soon, I was rocking a figure eight. My hands were piled on top of each other as I pushed down firmly moving in a criss-cross pattern up and down the length of his back.

Suddenly out of nowhere Sir Mix- A- lot's voice burst into the room… rapping at the top of his lungs.

'I like big butts and I cannot lie

You other brothers can't deny'

Several things happened at once.

First… I screamed loudly, because it scared the shit out of me, Edsnore abruptly shot up, grabbed my wrists, which were on his shoulder, flipped himself over and somehow managed to pull me down on top of him in the process…like he was a pro wrestler.

Meanwhile, Sir Mix-A- lot was yelling in the background….

'Oh baby, I wanna get with you

And take your picture

My homeboys tried to warn me

But that butt you got makes me so horny'

It took me a minute to realize it was the damn phone that Emmett gave me. What the hell kind of ringtone was that?

I couldn't breathe.

I was crushed up against him so tightly. I was afraid my ribs were broken. I lifted my face, desperately searching for air, our noses collided.

Our eyes were so close together that I saw double. It looked like he had four eyes…four angry and confused eyes.

"I…can't…breathe…" I croaked, as I attempted to squirm my way out of his death grip.

Instantly, he released me and I dropped to the floor with a solid thud. I was panting and gasping, sucking in big gulps of air, my hands were at the base of my throat reflexively.

I wasn't trying to be dramatic. The man nearly killed me.

I had no idea how long he was watching me, but when I finally got my breath back I looked up, he was wrapped in the sheet and sitting on the table looking stunned...and a bit nauseous.

"Explain to me what just happened." He folded his arms together sternly, as though he were about to scold a child.

"Th...th...at damn phone went off," I pointed to the table. "And then you tried to kill me." I stated as though it were a simple fact. My chest was heaving up and down, still relishing the air it was receiving.

He scoffed and shook his head in annoyance, not looking concerned for me in the slightest, which I found highly insulting.

"If I tried to kill you I certainly would have succeeded," he huffed. "Though, anyone that would choose that ridiculous song as a ringtone deserves to die."

He looked away from me, still irritated. He was flushed and a bit out of breath himself. His hair was no longer just ruffled; it had become a matted, sweaty, knotted, mess.

"Did you just make a joke?" I was sitting on the floor looking up at him, panting like a dog.

"No, I wasn't joking… if I wanted to kill you, I most definitelywould have succeeded." He smirked wickedly.

"That wasn't what I was talking about and you know it." I pulled myself up using the corner of the massage table. I placed a finger on my chin inquisitively. "Does the frightfully ferocious Mr. Cullen actually have…" I gasped in shock, "A sense of humor?"

Why I couldn't control myself from constantly taunting my boss was beyond me.

Who does that?

It was silent a few moments before he coolly replied, "No." A slight frown crossed his face.

Suddenly I felt like the world's biggest bitch. Maybe he didn't want to be so angry all the time. I was just about to apologize for being so rude to him when he cleared his throat breaking the moment.

"I have a meeting to attend. This massage is over. If your phone ever goes off again while I'm in here you'll be terminated at once." His eyes were solid ice. "You're dismissed."

I stood there baffled by his abrupt mood change. Clearly he was bipolar…or perhaps schizophrenic?

I was contemplating the odds of one of his personalities being nice, when he abruptly shouted, "GO!"

He startled me so, that my body jerked back in response.

Whoa…that was pretty darn close to a roar.

He actually looked beastly…like a savage. I heard a low steady growl as he awaited my next move. He looked as though he wanted to pounce on me and I don't know maybe…rip me to shreds.

I quickly straightened up my back. I bit down on my lip in determination and brought my eyes up to his defiantly.

"GLADLY!" I yelled back, matching his ferocity as best I could.

For the second time that day, I found myself storming away from him, but this time I didn't slam the door…I left it wide open.

A/N: Okay guys… Let me know if you like…It keeps me stable. Thanks for reading.