Oh Hey! Less than a month! Shazam! I'm just hoping I can keep this up over the summer. School ends in a week and a half, and then it's Anime Boston time again! I'll be going as Ren again with a new and improved battle outfit and wig, and even a Houraiken! Fun times for all!

So yeah, happy summer everyone! I hope you all survive your final exams!

SPOILER ALERT!!: This chapter refers, albeit indirectly, to a HUGE spoiler in chapter 288 of the Kang Zeng Bang edition of the Shaman King manga. If you have NOT read this chapter and do NOT want to risk being spoiled, I suggest you find a translation of it in your language and read it! Don't say I didn't warn you!

Notes: "Pi-Pon!" is a Japanese onomatopoeia for a correct answer bell and, or just a general sort of "Correct!" expression.

Guan Li and Ji Li are coming of age ceremonies in China for men and women respectively. They are usually held when a person reaches the age of twenty.

One Ainu tradition involves the men making a knife with an intricate and beautiful design carved into the handle, along with a looped piece of cloth hanging from it. He then gives it to woman he has feelings for. If she reciprocates, she will hang the knife from her wrist.

A Gift of Love – Chapter Eighty-Five: Memories Are the Very Best Medicine

"And there you have it," Tadashi said with a smirk.

Xue was trembling on her knees in front of him. He removed his hand to reveal wide, horrified eyes. Tears were streaming down her face as her lip quivered. Small whimpering sounds came, but nothing intelligible.

He brought his face close to hers. "So, do you remember it all now? Remember how you drove me to suicide? How you cheated on me and abandoned me?" He got even closer. "You murdered me, Xue. If you had just told me you loved me that day, then I'd still be here. But you were too caught up on that hippie friend of yours."

Xue clutched her head in anguish. "Xu…Xue's s-sorry…Xue's really sorry! Xue never meant to kill Tadashi! Xue's a good girl – Daddy said so! Xue---…"

Tadashi grabbed her hair and yanked it hard enough to drag her closer to him. She let out a cry, which he ignored. "You'd better start acting your age, Xue. If you speak in third person one more time…" He held up his right index finger. Like a lighter, a flame sprang from it. Xue let out a scared whimper.

"Understand?"

She nodded.

"Good." He practically threw her to the ground. She had to catch herself with her hands, her arm warmers getting a bath in the mud. "Acting innocent after what you've done really doesn't suit you, Xue. I mean…were you ever actually pregnant?"

Xue grabbed at the mud. "Xu - I mean – I…I can't be a mommy now! Not back then, either! Mommy said I'm too young to have a baby! We were too young to be a mommy and daddy!"

He glared at her. "Answer my question. Were you ever really pregnant? Or was it just a lie to get away from me so you could go after that scrubby friend of yours?"

She shrunk. "I never had a baby…"

"So it was a lie…I see." He chuckled. "You and Lien – beautiful girls who lie and lie and lie until they get what they want."

"It wasn't a lie!"

"Then where's the baby, Xue? Hmmm?! If you don't have one, it means you lied!"

She clutched her head again. "I…I…"

"Don't you see it yet? You pretend to be all cute and sweet and adorable and lovable, but in reality, you're a selfish, cold-blooded killer. You'll have to live with that for the rest of your life. Try to sleep at night now, Xue!"

The girl trembled even more, practically curling up. Then she let out a blood-curdling scream. Tadashi snickered as she shook her head, sobbing and trying to tell herself that nothing was wrong, that she wasn't to blame for his death. He finally walked over and yanked her up by her collar.

"You're part of the reason why I'm here, Xue. I knew you'd come. And I knew I would get to make you suffer for what you did."

He heated his hand and slapped her. She howled in pain and tried to grab at her face.

"That's just a small taste of the torture you'll be experiencing." With a grin, he tossed her across the clearing. "I'll get back to you later. I have a few things to take care of first."

She skidded as she landed on her stomach. It took a few moments before she was able to move. She realized how cold her hand felt, and looked down to see her left arm warmer had loosened, and was nearly off her hand. Her brown eyes focused on her wrist, then widened before she quickly checked the other one. Seemingly bewildered, she stared straight ahead, more tears falling from her eyes as more memories returned. Suddenly, her eyes narrowed and her fists clenched. She grit her teeth and stiffly stood up.

Tadashi had already turned around and was walking back to Lien. Ren, still bound to the ground, glared at him. After a quick glance, the fiend noticed him and squatted to his level.

"My, my, if looks could kill," he sneered at the scion. "Are you hoping I'll just drop dead because you're staring at me?"

Ren couldn't do anything except maintain his venomous leer. Tadashi grinned and mussed up the boy's violet hair. He stood and returned to Lien, who thrust her arms around him as he approached. Her eyes were still blank as she gave a dazed smile.

"Tadashi-kun…"

"Aww, I love you too," he said as he returned the hug. Then he let go of her and guided her back to her prayer circle. "Would you continue your prayer for me, Lien? Pretty please? It'd make me really happy!"

His doll smiled and nodded, making a sound of agreement. She walked to the center of the circle and knelt down.

Ren once again struggled against his chains, trying to ignore the burning skin. "Lien! Stop it! You don't know what you're doing! If you bring Hao back, he'll--!"

"Oh will you SHUT UP?! I've made sure that she won't be released from the spell until I say so. Save your breath." He squinted and saw the small pile of mud Ren had made some time before. Something was reflecting back at him. He was about to go investigate when he heard a cry.

He turned around just in time to see Xue lunge at him, tackling him and sending them both to the ground. He looked up at her in surprise for half a second before she began beating him with all the strength she could muster. The tears streamed down her face with every blow she gave. When she saw blood trickle out of his nose, she stopped. She sat up and they stared at each other, sweat dripping from her forehead.

"You…have no idea…what you did…to me," she panted.

He looked surprised at the sudden maturity in her voice, but eventually smirked. "Trying to validate your actions by making yourself look like the victim? As I just reminded you, you're the murderer here."

Gritting her teeth, she grabbed his neck and pressed her thumbs into it. When he began gagging and tried to pry her hands off of him, she saw his shaded face and let go. Then she gave him another right hook.

"You selfish bastard!" she screamed. "Did you honestly think that shooting yourself in the head would make it so neither of us was in pain?! My pain started then!! YOU didn't have to worry at all. I had to stare at your dead body until they took it away! I had to deal with the guilt! I had to deal with not being able to guide your spirit to the afterlife!"

She lowered her head, suddenly shameful of her tears.

"I was the one who was in the hospital for two months! I was the one who blamed this on the people I love most! I was the one who took it out on them and made them suffer along with me!

"I WAS THE ONE WHO LOST SOMEONE I LOVED!! I WAS THE ONE WHO BECAME A CHILD AGAIN JUST TO GET AWAY FROM IT ALL!!!"

She snapped her head up. "You didn't have to deal with any of that! You FORCED me to suffer alone! You made sure of it! When I tried to follow you and use that gun to kill myself in front of all those people, I found out that you purposely put only one bullet in it. You wanted me to suffer all alone like you did!"

Tadashi scoffed at her. "Your suffering is nothing compared to mine. You had your family to support you. I had no one."

"Maybe so, but your suffering could have been reversed when we got back together. Mine couldn't. You were never coming back…"

He laughed. "Serves you right. You deserve it all after what you did to me." He grinned. "This is all your fault, too. You did this. That's why Lien is over there. That's why Ren is on the ground. And that's why you're going to die tonight."

Xue had lowered her head again, her fists clenched.

He went on. "How does it feel to see all the damage you've done and all the pain you've caused in physical form after all this time, hm?"

She ripped off her arm warmers and shoved her wrists in his face.

"I'd like to ask you the same question – how does it feel?"

She pulled them back slightly so he could focus on them. A large, dark scar ran down each of her wrists. The skin looked pinched, signifying that stitches had been used to close the self-inflicted wounds.

His hard eyes wavered momentarily, then turned malicious again. "That's because you're weak. Only weak people hurt themselves like th--"

Xue punched him again, but once wasn't enough. She went berserk on him. She lost count of how many times her fists met his cheeks. Her mind was blank, other than the desperate need to make him understand just what she had gone through.

Finally, she stopped. Her body quivered as she looked down at how his bloody face was. But the blood soon disappeared. Any damage she had done was reversed. He just stared up at her, bewildered. She was crying in earnest now.

"I…" she whispered. "With both our separation and your death…I dealt with them in the worst ways…

"But I dealt with them the best way I knew how."

March 17, 2021

"Hey, Snowflake," HoroHoro said quietly as he sat in a chair next to a hospital bed. "The nurses say you won't eat unless they force you to, and that's really not okay. You need to eat when they tell you to or else you'll get even more sick."

Xue was staring down at her hospital bed, her eyes blank and soulless, like she had given up. She barely blinked, and some time passed before she said anything. Her answer came in a quiet, monotone voice.

"Nothing here tastes good."

Her father sighed and looked at the ground to his right. After thinking, he looked at her again. "Is there anything I could bring in that you'd eat? How about some dangos or riceballs? Udon, maybe? You always liked that. I could get you some Calpico to drink, too. That sound good?"

She shook her head slowly.

Defeated, he put his right hand over hers, his fingers brushing against the bandages on her wrists. He closed his eyes as he remembered how he and Rong had found their daughter on her bedroom floor, her wrists slashed and bleeding profusely. It had been another incident that stemmed from Tadashi's suicide; another way for her to try to cope with her loss. Another way to try to come to terms with the guilt that had since consumed her entire being.

Since the day that she had seemingly wanted to be her last, Xue had been in the hospital's mental clinic. Therapists were persistent in trying to get to the bottom of the couple's break up and if she knew why Tadashi had taken his late father's spare pistol and ended his life that fateful day. But she hardly spoke. Rarely voluntary, usually only if someone asked her a question or said something that needed an answer.

HoroHoro, who had since hired a few part time workers to help him with his store, insisted on spending the time he wasn't working at her bedside. Rong spent her days there, and Seta would visit her after school. But HoroHoro wouldn't allow himself to leave her completely alone. He would gently urge her to share what happened, wanting to know every detail, but also aware that pushing her would yield nothing.

"Xue," he said quietly. "I want to know what happened. I want to be able to help you through this." He looked at her expectantly, but she said nothing. His head drooped again.

"-y…fault…"

He looked at her. She was still staring down at her wrists, but her eyes had welled up with tears. He squeezed her hand. "What is it, Xue? What do you want to say?"

"It's all my fault…" she whispered. "I killed him…Tadashi's dead because of me…If I hadn't left him alone…he'd still be here…He…He loved me…and I…"

Her father stared at her. Tadashi was dead because of her? That wasn't possible, was it? She wasn't truly capable of killing, was she?

"Don't be silly," he said in a nervous voice, trying to laugh it off. "The police and the people who witnessed it all said he shot himself, Xue. It was a suicide. There's no way you could have had any part in that. It's all just in your mi--,"

"It's because I ran away from him…" she whispered. "If I hadn't abandoned him…then he'd still be here…He suffered by himself…If I had just stayed…"

HoroHoro stared at her with horrified eyes. He glanced at the potted butterbur Seta had brought her that sat on the nightstand. The words she just spoke were not foreign to him. They echoed in his mind, her voice slowly changing to his with each repetition. His mind raced. Xue's sobs were the only thing to bring him back.

"He…Tadashi…He was the first person who loved me…I…I KILLED HIM! He's dead…and it's because of me…" She grabbed at her face in anguish as she crippled forward. "Dad…I'm a murderer…Your daughter's a murderer…I don't…He should still be alive! If I had just stayed with him, he--!"

He lunged hugged her, capturing her in a tight embrace that was near impossible to escape from. His own eyes were filled with tears as he silently sympathized with her and the despair she was feeling.

"It's not your fault," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "I know what you're feeling. You were just doing what you thought was right at the time. There's no way you could have known what would happen. Don't blame yourself."

"But…But I…"

"Stop beating yourself up," he said quietly. "You've been through enough already."

"I've tried…I really have…but I can't…I'm the one who left him, Dad! I can't see it as not being my fault! I started the whole thing!"

"No. No, Xue. Believe me when I say I know how you feel. I'm telling you that it's not your--,"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!!" she screamed as she pushed him away.

HoroHoro stared at her as she panted with crazed eyes.

"You couldn't possibly understand how I feel…" she murmured. "You've always had Mom, so you've never lost someone you loved! Don't you dare try to say you know what I'm feeling!" She glared at him, noticing that his eyes were still mildly red and teary. "I don't want to talk anymore. Just get out. Leave me alone."

His gaze drifted to the ground, his hands gripping his knees. Should I tell her? But Rong doesn't even know…It is worth it if it might make her more comfortable talking to me?

"Get. Out." his daughter said curtly.

He squeezed his eyes shut. This wasn't Xue. Not at all. She would never talk to him like this. He finally gazed up at her. "I'll be back tomorrow."

Her eyes had faded again, and he wondered if she had heard him. Sadly, he brushed her bangs back and kissed her forehead, then squeezed her hand before leaving.

April 9, 2021

"She's not getting any better, Horokeu," Rong said as she sat in the armchair of Xue's hospital room.

HoroHoro glanced at Xue's sullen face. "I know."

"Has she told you anything?"

"Nothing. She used to cry about how Tadashi's death was her fault, but she doesn't even do that anymore." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I…I think we're losing her."

Rong bit her lip and covered her face with her hand. "Why is this happening to us?" She let out a growl of frustration and used both hands to mess up her hair. "How can we get her to respond again?! She barely eats at all. If she keeps it up, she'll die! How can we get her to snap out of it?!"

Her husband just looked out the window. "I don't know." He drummed his fingers on the glass a few times, then turned to her. "Rong, I need to talk to you about something."

She just kept staring at the ground. "What is it?"

He inhaled. "When I was a kid, I--"

His ringtone interrupted him. Exasperated, he took it out and checked the caller ID. Once he saw the name, he calmed down and answered it.

"Hey. You're there?...N-No! Of course I didn't forget!...Whatever. I'll come pick you up. Bye."

He hung up and looked at his wife, who was by now giving him a quizzical look.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"One more chance. He's here, and I need to go pick him up from the airport." He hugged the distraught redhead before taking out his keys and heading out the door.

He returned nearly two hours later, Hana in tow.

"Thanks for coming," the Ainu said as they walked down the hall toward Xue's room.

"It's no problem," Hana replied with a smile. "My parents have disappeared on one of their cross-country treks again, so there wasn't much to do anyway." The smile faded. "Besides…what you said made me worry about her."

HoroHoro looked back at him with a smile. "Well, hopefully seeing you will wake her up a bit." He gripped the doorknob, then stopped. "Right now, she's not the Xue you and know. Her emotions are unstable, but I'm still hoping that you can help her."

The youth nodded. "I'll do my best." He walked into the room and closed the door.

As he studied her, his heart sank. This wasn't his best friend. This wasn't Xue. Her eyes were never so blank and apathetic, and her face and lips were never so pale. The Xue he knew was lively, spunky, vibrant – to just sit around for over a month was something she could never do. He swallowed, as if to accept what he was seeing, then sat in the chair.

"Hey," he said after a few moments.

Her eyes twitched, but she didn't speak.

"Your dad called me a few days ago. He said you've been sick for a while, and he thought maybe you'd feel better if I came to see you."

She didn't say anything. He sighed.

"I'm sorry your boyfriend died. I can tell it's been hard for you. But I'm sure his spirit's resting in peace now."

Her eyes widened slightly.

He put his hand on hers and squeezed it. "But I'm here now, so if you need to talk about it at all, you can, okay?" He smiled weakly. "You're my best friend, Xue, and I promise I'll always be here for you."

There was silence. Hana looked around, waiting for a response. When none came, he sighed.

"Well, when you want to talk, just give a holler, okay?" He hesitantly patted her hand before motioning to get up.

"I think I understand now…"

Shocked, he turned back to her. "What? What do you understand?"

She raised her head, her eyes revealing that her mind was unsound. "I get it…I'm not the reason Tadashi's dead…"

He looked confused. "Of course you aren't. It was hi--,"

"It's your fault!" she cried pointing at him.

Her friend stared at her, horror now added to his confusion. "Wh-What? ME?! What did I do?!"

Xue laughed. "S-See! If you had just gone out with me when I confessed to you, then I wouldn't have gone out with Tadashi, and we wouldn't have had sex, and he'd still be alive!! SEE?! All this could have been avoided if you hadn't rejected me!!"

Hana was speechless. He hung his head and stared at the floor. Why did she feel the need to tell him just how far she had gone with her boyfriend? It was nothing he was pleased to hear about. Then his mind shifted to the subject at hand. Is she right? If we had gone out, would this kid still be alive?

"Y-Yeah! And-And if you hadn't come over that day, he wouldn't have beaten the shit out of you, then I wouldn't have gotten pissed at him and punched him, and he wouldn't have stopped going to school, and he wouldn't have killed himself!!"

She stared at her hands, still giggling darkly. "I-I'm innocent! I didn't do anything wrong!" She clenched her hands. "I'm free! He can't haunt me anymore! I'm free! I'm free!" She laughed, tears streaming down her face until her mind finally broke down.

He sat there, dumbfounded. She had cracked. She was on the brink of psychosis, if she wasn't there already. He felt bad for her, but at the same time, he was desperate to prove to her that her boyfriend's death was in no way his fault, let alone hers. He grabbed her shoulders to still her and made her face him.

"Xue," he said firmly. "I know you blame yourself for Tada-whatever killing himself, and that you want to blame me, too, but you're wrong. It's not my fault. It's not yours either. We didn't do anything wrong." He looked at her with pitied eyes, hoping that she would see how foolish she was being.

But instead, rage slowly filled her eyes. When it looked as though she was about to explode, she shoved him away, almost tipping his chair over. After he regained his bearings, he looked up to see that she was giving him an almost homicidal glare.

"How dare you," she said in a dark voice. "How dare you deny what you did…He'd still be alive if it wasn't for you!"

Hana put his hand up to try to pacify her. "Now just calm do--,"

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?! I can't believe you! You think that just because you're a few years older than me that you can tell me what to do!"

"No! That's not it at all!"

"Yes it is! You just like being in charge – so you can bring me down! That's why you rejected me!"

"Xue, why do you keep bringing this up?"

"Because if you had just told me you liked me too, then I would have never gone out with him!"

"Those are two completely different things!"

"NO! It's always the same! You're just out to hurt me like everyone else! That's why you came here!"

"No! I came because I care about you!"

"YOU'RE LYING!! I have enough shit to deal with! I don't need you here! I HATE YOU!! GET OUT!! JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

He froze, a devastated look in his eyes. He allowed the sinking feeling to swim around for a few moments before tossing his head to snap himself out of the trance and face her again.

"Xue, wait, I--!"

"Get out! GetoutGetoutGetout GET OUT!" she screamed, whirling a plate at him as she finished.

He quickly jerked to the side to avoid the glass discus, cringing as it shattered against the wall. By this time, he was terrified, but he still reached out to her.

"Xue! Wait a second! Just let me say something!

"No! I just want you to get out!"

He ignored her. "Xue, about before…"

"Just leave!"

"…I've changed my mind…"

"I'll call the nurse! I'll call security!"

"I…I don't feel the same way I did back then…"

She seethed as she reached for the potted butterbur.

"Xue,"

"I HATE YOU!! JUST GET THE FUCKING HELL OUT OF HERE!!!"

"I l--,"

Everything went black.

When her parents finally rushed in, they found Hana on the ground, his forehead split open. Blood and shattered pieces of the clay pot surrounded him. Xue was curled up, shivering and murmuring to herself. Rong and HoroHoro looked at each other in disbelief. Hana couldn't have thrown the pot at himself, so that could only mean…

"How could she do this? And to Hana of all people?!" Rong cried.

Horo helped the youth to his feet, then glanced at his daughter. "It really shows how far gone she is." He turned to the victim, whom he was supporting by throwing an arm around his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Hana. I asked you to come over here, and you got pottery thrown at you."

"It's fine," Hana breathed. "I came because I wanted to. It's just an uphill battle, that's all." He smiled. "I know she'll come around eventually."

May 2, 2021

Xue didn't get better. Hana's visit had roused her temporarily, but she eventually became unresponsive once again. She had been in the hospital for over two months, and with her lack of progress, the medical director finally issued an ultimatum:

"If she doesn't show any signs of improvement by the eighth, she will need to be transferred to the institution nearby. There is obviously nothing we can do for her here."

Her parents hugged each other, trying to find solace in each other's company as Seta looked on. Though they could pray all they wanted in hopes of a miracle, they knew full well that a transfer seemed inevitable. Their daughter would be isolated even more. The director assured them that the psychologists there would be able to help her – but not without a price. The institute was in another price range from the hospital, and they would receive very little aid through insurance. They worried that an extended stay would put them in the same financial situation that they were in barely a year before. However, they knew that if Xue was to ever return to her happy, spunky self again, she would have to go. What else could be done?

On the sixth of May, after most of the week had run past them, HoroHoro sat with his daughter, staring at his laptop. Squeals and sounds of laughter came from its small speakers, and his mouth would turn up periodically. Xue seemed as empty as ever. She would sit silently with glazed eyes, not looking at him or saying a word.

He watched it for a few more minutes, then smiled and shook his head. "You were so happy back then," he wistfully. When he noticed her eyes had shifted toward him, he put the laptop on her bed tray.

Home videos of her five year-old self reflected off her eyes. The little girl ran around in the snow, squealing as her father chased her.

"Xue has Daddy's stick! Xue has Daddy's stick! Xue's all magicky now! Whee! Make it snow!"

"Xue, you need to give that back now! I'll help you make your own when I have time!"

"But Xue's being a shaman like Daddy! Xue needs this stick!"

"It's not a stick! It's an ikupasuy!"

"Winnipesaukee!"

"No! Ikupa—Oof!"

She ran to her father, who had fallen in the snow. "Daddy gots a booboo?"

"Yes. Big, cold, booboo," he replied, his face in the snow. He held up his hand. "Ikupasuy."

The girl happily put it in his hand. "Inu ga suki!"

He sighed and looked up. "Rong, you could help me a little, you know! She's not an easy girl to catch!"

There was a taunting giggle from the photographer. "Sorry, Aokun, but I can't be moving around like that with a baby on board."

Xue bounced over to look up at her, the camera following her as she went. "When's the baby gonna get borned?"

"He'll be born in April. Can you count how many months away that is?"

The girl's face twisted in thought. "1, 2, 9, 27, 53, 1 bazillion – 4!"

"Unconventional, but you're right! Good job!"

She jumped up and down in celebration, then continued smiling as she swung from side to side. "Mommy, when are you gonna teach Xue to be a superhero like you were for Auntie Pin-Mei?"

"When you're a little older, Xue. We're going to be busy with the baby for a while."

The child sulked for half a second, then bounced over to her father. "Baby! Baby! Baaaabeeee!" She hopped and then plopped down in front of him. "Xue wants to be a shaman like Daddy, too! Be a teacher, Daddy!"

"Going after ALL the super powers huh, Snowflake?"

"Yeah-huh! Xue's gonna be Super Special Ice Cutie Xue and defend the forest! Kiro's gonna help!" She jumped up and turned to the koropokkuru. "Arentcha?" When her friend chirped in reply, she squealed and began running around the clearing. "Invincible! Xue's invincible like Daddy!!"

HoroHoro bit his lip as he stared at the screen. His daughter had been very eager to learn about her Ainu heritage, as well as their shamanic practices. He had been excited to teach her, proud when she took to them so well. Thinking of those lessons, those brief sessions of bonding time, made him smile.

But then he remembered how those traditions almost caused her to freeze to death. A snowstorm had torn through the town shortly after Tadashi's funeral. Xue had stood outside in the treacherous blizzard, dressed in her Ainu robes and clutching her ikupasuy. Since his death, Tadashi's spirit hadn't been seen. Xue hoped that if she waited long enough, he would appear, then she could apologize before leading him to the afterlife so he could rest in peace. But he never did. For days she stood outside, chanting a prayer to attract her late lover.

Her parents finally found her collapsed in the snow; her lips blue, her skin white and ice cold.

Once she realized that her efforts were futile, her depression worsened. Her grades plummeted, and she finally stopped going to school altogether. It was only a few days later that she tried to take her own life.

There seemed to be no end in sight. Xue had shut down, and it looked as though she wasn't coming back.

His daze ended when he noticed Xue's hand reaching up and stroking a key to move on to the next movie.

Her fifth birthday party. Her first day of school. Her proud moments as a big sister to a newborn Seta. Her first successful over soul. These and more of the family's happier memories displayed on the screen, causing the father to quickly and discreetly wipe a tear away.

"I wish we could have those days back, then things would be fun again." He lowered his head. "You were so carefree back then. Nothing could bring you down, not even when the kids at school teased you. You'd just smile and say that they'd be your friends eventually." He sighed. "I wish you could be like that again." He sniffed and wiped his eyes again.

Xue's eyes shifted to look at him, then back at the screen. Her younger self ran around, then gently pushed her infant brother closer to an equally small Lien, the older twin seated next to her. After watching the two study each other, she looked back at the camera with a double thumbs up.

"Pi-pon! Xue approves!"

Something snapped into place; closing one door, and reopening another.

The next morning, Seta hesitantly opened the door to his sister's room. His father had returned late the night before, so he had snuck in and turned his alarm to a few hours later in order to give him some much needed rest. In HoroHoro's place, he brought some breakfast to his sister, not that he was expecting her to eat at all.

"Good morning, Neesan. I brought you some fo--"

He cut himself off as he stared at Xue. She was sitting up in bed, a bright, sunny smile on her face.

"Morning!" she cried raising a hand. "Yay! Seta came to visit!"

Dumbfounded, he walked over to her, a bag from the local bakery in his hands. "Y-Yeah...Neesan...what happened? You were so depressed yesterday. You wouldn't even look at me."

She opened her eyes wide and blinked at him, making a cutesy "Ooo..." noise. She pointed to herself. "Xue was?"

He was even more confused by her use of third person. "Y-Yeah. Dad was here until two in the morning visiting you, and he said you didn't talk to him at all."

She made a thinking sound, then perked up. "Daddy and Xue were watching movies! Talking during movies is a no-no! Shhh! Gotta be reeeeal quiet!"

"Movies?"

"Yeah-huh! Movies! Xue was really small! And Seta was a baby!" She eyed the bag, her tongue barely sticking out to lick her lips. "Is that for Xue?"

He handed the bag to her. "Yeah...Here..."

She grabbed it happily and took out the cinnamon bun hiding inside. "Yay! Xue's favorite!" She stuffed it in her mouth. "Fayn kyu!"

When their parents finally arrived, they stared at the girl in awe. She was as happy-go-lucky as she had been as a child. They asked her questions about her friends, her favorite TV shows - general knowledge. She answered them in a similar way that she would have three months before.

"I don't know what to make of this," Rong said as she studied her daughter watching television. "It seems that she hasn't forgotten anything, so she's only a child in terms of personality. From what we asked her, she's still as smart as she's always been, so I don't really get--"

"Where'd Tadashi go?"

The three of them stared at Xue, who was clutching her Ainu bear and looking at them with curious eyes. They looked at each other. Did she really not remember? What should they tell her? Could their answer send her back into her depression?

"Well? Where's Tadashi? Xue wants to know!"

Before the men could say anything, Rong quickly turned to her and put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "He moved away, sweetie."

Her eyes widened innocently. "Moved...away?"

Rong nodded slowly. "Yes. His father was transferred to another station, so he needed to leave right away. He couldn't say goodbye to you since you were sick." She hugged her. "I know you'll miss him very much, but just remember all the good times the two of you had together."

Xue sniffled. "But we were real good friends!" she cried.

"I know you were, but he's gone now, Xue. You won't be seeing him anymore."

The girl cried childish tears as they watched, studying her in an effort to tell if her downward spiral would resume. When she finally stopped, she wiped her eyes, which brightened right away.

"Can we go home now? Only grown-up shows are on TV and Xue's bored."

When she was finally discharged, Xue skipped to the car, beaming at her brother, who gave her a shaky smile back.

Her new, or rather, renewed, child-like persona took some time to get used to. With all the commotion about her change in character, in addition to the drama surrounding her extended leave of absence and her need to repeat her final year of high school, they switched her to a private academy nearby. Seta followed, attending a school as close to hers as possible so he could make sure she got home each day. Every day she would skip and spin down the sidewalk, keeping her hands at her side only when she really needed to. She obviously didn't mind another year of school. As Rong had inferred, Xue had retained the intelligence of a high school senior, making the repetition a possible task.

Just as things were simmering down and Xue was making friends at her new school, they were almost sent back into the hellish pit of despair they had been in for months.

It started when the Usui parents heard a thud from the hallway. A wail came a moment later. They looked out to see Xue holding her arm and bawling like a toddler. After exchanging nervous glances, they went to help her.

"Are you alright?" they asked.

She nodded through her sniffles.

"Alright, let me see," Rong said gently.

Xue held out her arm, which her mother turned over to study. She caught a glimpse of her wrist and her eyes shot open.

"Well, it looked like it's not bruised or broken. You as fit as a fi--"

Her daughter tore the arm away from her and examined her wrist. Her face went pale. She grabbed her head and screamed.

Rong and HoroHoro stared at her in disbelief. He finally grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her.

"What is it, Xue? What's wrong?!"

"That's right…I killed him…" she mumbled. "I shouldn't be alive…I…" She moaned and her body started trembling.

He turned to his wife and gave her a quick nod. She ran into the kitchen and rummaged through the kit the hospital had given them upon Xue's discharge. With her innocent demeanor, they thought they wouldn't have to use it, but Rong found herself staring at the syringe containing the necessary sedative. It took another wail before she even thought of snatching it and running back into the room.

She uncapped it, throwing the plastic carelessly behind her. With HoroHoro holding the patient in place, she injected the needle into Xue's arm, causing her to cry out once more. About a minute later, the drug took effect, and Xue leaned into her father's chest in slumber.

They put her to bed, surveying her as they tried to understand her reaction. It didn't take them long to figure out what the trigger had been.

"Please don't let those months of hell come back," Rong whispered. "I don't think I'd be able to stand watching her anymore."

He rubbed her back. "I know. I don't think I could, either."

"But what are we going to do? We can't just cut her wrists off! She's going to have to look at them again at some point in her life!"

He lowered his head in thought, looking around the floor of her room. It still hadn't been cleaned since she had come home, so some winter accessories were scattered about. A coat…a hat…a scarf…a pair of mittens…

The wheels in his head turned, and he finally looked up. "Yeah, you're right. At some point, she'll have to. But for now, she doesn't need to."

The next morning, Pirika was called, who came and assisted Rong in weaving some arm warmers for her niece. In the meantime, HoroHoro presented Xue with some blue sweatbands from his store. At first, Xue, who had woken up with her childish personality restored, was skeptical. He knew he had to find some way to make it appealing, especially in the summer.

"It's a game," he said.

She cocked her head. "A game?"

"That's right! It's called Don't Take Your Arm Warmers Off. The game never ends, so you can't take them off unless Mom or I say to. If you do, you lose the game!"

"What does Xue get if Xue wins?!" she asked excitedly.

"Something really awesome!" he replied, though he had absolutely nothing planned. "You'll find out once you win! Sound like fun?"

She hopped. "Yeah! Xue wants to play!"

"'Atta girl!" he cried, pumping his arm. "So let's put these babies on you!" He slipped the sweatbands over the scars, hiding them from her view.

She admired them. "Pretty!"

"Mom and Aunt Pirika are making real arm warmers for you, so you'll have a whole rainbow of them!"

"Yay!" She hopped around the room, calling out colors to make an ode to the rainbow.

Seta watched sadly from the doorway. He took out his cell phone and scrolled through the pictures he had taken. The picture from the festival last June came up, but he quickly went past it. His face fell as he came to one of his sister putting an arm around his neck, giving the victory sign as she got ready to lead her brother into his new school.

As her cocky smiles flashed across the screen, he couldn't help but wonder if the protective, loving sister who would beat up bullies for him without a second thought was truly gone forever.

February 12, 2025

"You're not the only one who lost four years of their life, Tadashi," Xue said quietly. "I honestly don't remember anything that's happened since that day. I remember what I learned in school, but that's it. The memories aren't there." She looked down, listless. "I don't remember my high school graduation, my college orientation – hell, I don't even know which one I'm going to, or if I'm even going to one at all."

Tadashi couldn't stop himself from gazing up at her with remorseful eyes. He hadn't anticipated this. He had thought that their business would be taken care of quickly, but no, it was drawn out like this.

Don't go soft…This is what she wants…She's trying to manipulate you again…

"I've missed my parent's 'platinum' anniversary, haven't I?" she continued after rattling off other momentous occasions. She glanced over her shoulder minimally. "Hey…Ren…Have I missed your Guan Li? Lien's Ji Li? Your coming of age ceremonies…have I missed them both?"

The Tao heir didn't know whether to be touched or annoyed that she was thinking about something so trivial at a time like this. "No," he finally replied. "Those are still three years away."

She smiled. "Good…" She looked down, then up again. "Seta…did he ever confess to her? Lien, I mean…Has he told her he loves her yet?"

He smirked. "No, you haven't missed that, either. He's too much of a chicken to do it."

She turned back around and closed her eyes, a small smile on her face. "Heh. It's nice to know he hasn't changed. You'll have to fill me in on everything that's happened later."

"…There won't be a 'later'."

Xue and Tadashi locked eyes. His ruthless leer was back. She swallowed, a part of her ignoring what she knew he had become.

"What makes you say that?"

"Like I told you…"

He crossed his right hand over to grab her right shoulder, then threw her off of him. She hurried to stand, flipping onto her stomach, but a kick knocked her back into the mud. His shadow covered her as she gazed up at him.

"Like I said…You're going to die tonight," he said coldly. "You're going to die so I can finally rest in peace knowing that you got what was coming to you. I'll make sure it's as slow and as painful as I can possibly make it." He grinned. "I'll see to it personally."

She glanced at the praying puppet behind her, then past her killer to the scion tied to ground. She looked down in thought, then met his eyes once more.

"You want revenge, I understand that. What I don't understand is why you've dragged the Tao Twins into this if I'm the one you're after."

He seemed unmoved. "It was part of the bargain."

"…Bargain?"

He nodded. "When I was wallowing in Hell by myself – suicide is still murder, you know – Hao-sama called to me from the chains the King of Spirits had put him in over two decades ago. He said he would give me another chance to live so I could make you suffer for what you did to me. In exchange, I would make all the necessary preparations for his revival."

Horror filled her eyes. "Revival?! HAO?!! Why would you do that?! How do you even plan on doing that?!"

Tadashi chortled. "It's quite simple, really. Just your run-of-the-mill ritual." He gestured to Lien. "Get the purest girl I can find and have her recite the prayer the ritual requires. Of course, she needs to have some shamanic power. With a skank like you out of the running, Tao Lien, the daughter of one of the Five Warriors, was the natural choice. Hell, virginity aside, she's still the best choice."

He watched a twinge of pain show on her face, then went on, satisfied at her pain.

"With her as a sacrifice, his spirit...his soul will be brought back with my body as the vessel."

"But…doesn't that mean…"

"Yeah, I'll die again. Those were the terms of the contract. I'll have gotten my revenge by then, so there will be no reason for me to be alive anyway."

The thought of him dying again, maybe even in front of her, made her feel like her heart was being emptied out; she felt a void. In its place, a film of his final moments played over and over again on an endless loop, reminding her of horror she had been forced to witness. She panted a few times before looking up at him again. She slowly reached out to him.

"But you're alive now, aren't you? Why go through with this? Couldn't we just work it out between us? Just talking?" Her eyes burned. "I've missed you so much…you have no idea…I can't remember the things I've done these last four years, but I could never forget the loneliness of you not being there, the feeling I had every day of how much I missed you…I just want things to go back to the way they were. R-Remember what you said?"

He looked down at her apathetically. She laughed nervously.

"You said…You said that we could be happy…for many years to come…Can't we start that now? We've both missed out on the past four years…We can just start over, can't we? Tadashi…? Please…?"

It was quiet as the former lovers stared at each other. From under her umbrella, Suo peered out from behind a fan. She slowly removed a tag from her sleeve. She bit her thumb to draw some blood, then paused for barely a second before using the red ink to write kanji vertically down the parchment. Her eyes didn't leave Tadashi as she awaited his reply.

"That boy…That foolish human…If he shows any signs of betrayal, as long as he's served his purpose, feel free to kill him. Hopefully, if he did things correctly, I'll have a much more powerful body there waiting for me."

"Ah well, it was nice to have a son again for a few days." She cackled. "But all useful things must eventually be thrown away."

"What?!"

"I said, 'Our plane is being delayed, so you'll probably get there first.'"

"B-But Mom!" Seta cried into his phone. "I don't know how to get to Tao Castle by myself!"

"Well, you're not by yourself, Hana's with you," Rong said slyly. "And if you both get lost, just call and hopefully Li will send someone to come get you."

He made a worried noise. "What should we do when we get there?"

"Just dance right in there and do some comedy routine or something. Anything to lighten the mood. Relieve some of the tension over there."

"A-Alright…"

"There's a good boy. We'll see you when we get there, okay?"

"Okay…"

"Love you."

"I love you too, Mom. Tell Dad that as well…please…"

"I will, bye." She hung up and turned to her husband. "Seta says, 'I love you'."

HoroHoro smiled. "That's Seta for you – always making sure no one's left out."

"Pfft!" Rong put the phone in her bag. "He's been leaving Lien out for – what? Ten, eleven years now?"

He frowned. "That's different, and you know it."

"Yeah, I know. I just hope he follows through this time. Remember that episode with the knife-dagger-thing? He was so devastated by her reaction."

The Ainu sighed. "Yeah, well, when you shyly hand a girl a machete you made and don't tell her what it means, of course you're going to end up disappointed."

A beat of silence.

"Hey…How come I never got a dagger from you? Does that mean we were never actually going out?!"

"You're bringing this up after 23 years?!"

Glaring contest.

"Fine, FINE! I'll make you one when we get home."

"Victory!"

The mood suddenly soured.

Love.

Disappointment.

Blades.

Victory.

"…I hope Xue's alright."

"All we can do is hope we can get there soon – before it's too late."

"…Before Tadashi kills her."