A/N: 'Ello Loves…it's so good to be back. I brought my Lion with me and he's in no mood for my blabbering. So I better meet you folks at the bottom.
Happymess: You are the miracle drug for the punctuation plague…the Angel that fights off my tweak demon….the peanut butter to my jelly…the loofah to my filth.
Caro2lalala & Djsmommie: One of these days I'll get my act together girls. I swear it.
*DISCLAIMER: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…I'm just a girl with dry feet.*
Main attraction in a freak side show. Down in the basement where the cobwebs grow. On my last leg just gettin' by. Halo round my head too tough to die.
-The Ramones, Too Tough to Die
Being in Angela's car was a rare occurrence for me, I loved the girl dearly, but she drove like an old lady.
Between the constant braking and the stark difference in our musical preferences I couldn't sit in her car for more than ten minutes without fighting the urge to dive out the window into oncoming traffic.
Yet there I sat…in the passenger's seat on the way to Alice's house. I wasn't allowed to drive since we were celebrating my birthday. So far it felt more like a punishment to me but I was making the best of it.
I swallowed a laugh as she belted out the lyrics to the song blasting from her car stereo, her shoulders moving in sync with the beat.
It took me a while to grasp the magnitude of my roommate's boy band devotion. Watching her sprain an ankle as she scaled a hotel wall somehow put it into perspective for me. Angela's criteria for good music was that it be sung by a pack of metrosexual, barely legal, corporate cookie cutters.
Personally, I had nothing against boy bands. I really didn't.
On more than one occasion I found myself bopping around our living room, humming along with her ultimate obsession, 5Point. Why they hadn't slapped a restraining order on her crazy ass after her infamous Spiderfan fiasco was beyond me.
Not to mention the serious damage the girl could do with the maniacal screeching and hysterical sobbing she unleashed at their concerts…which she dragged me to every time they reached a hundred mile radius of Seattle.
Angela was a chronic worrier but when it came to her beloved boy bands she lost all sense of reason. They were her Kryptonite. A few months into our friendship I endured my first concert with her. It was then that I realized with just a few shots of Jose Cuervo I could rock out to pretty much anything.
"I can't believe Jasper is taking a taxi there. Did you tell him I offered to pick him up?" Ange shouted to me over the high pitched voices crooning 'baby, baby' through her speakers.
"Yeah, but he had some things to do and didn't want to keep us waiting," I lied. Jazz knew what car rides with Angela were like.
My body lunged forward as she slammed on the brakes. There was a pothole directly in our path. Instead of veering around it, like every other driver in the history of automotive transportation would do, she crept over it going five miles an hour.
Since veering was far too treacherous for her to even consider, we had to drive over it. It didn't help that she was terrified of potholes. What a horrible friend I was for bursting into a fit of laughter at the fearful expression on her face as she rolled over it at a snail's pace.
Seriously, who's afraid of potholes?
She had one hand wrapped around the steering wheel in a death grip while the other shielded me from the danger that lurked ahead. I was totally going to hell for mocking her, but I couldn't help it.
Funny was funny.
After two extremely loud 5Point songs we finally pulled up to Alice's house. It was picture perfect, small, but warm and inviting. Not to mention…it was a house. Most off my friends lived in apartments, unless they were still mooching off their parents.
The front door swung open as we walked up the path. Alice rushed towards us with a large German Shepherd barreling directly behind her.
"Hey, girls." She waved excitedly, wearing black skinny jeans and a vintage Ramones t-shirt. She looked adorable. I had no idea she was a closet rock chick.
My eyes shot over to Angela and just as I suspected she was white as a ghost. Her fear of dogs was not something I laughed about. She was bitten badly by a neighbor's pit bull as a child.
Of course, the dog was heading straight for her.
She threw her arms up in the air and went running back to the car. Alice put two fingers in her mouth and let out an ear piercing whistle. The dog froze, but Ange kept running.
"Taboo, sit," Alice commanded sternly. The dog obeyed immediately. She walked over to the now docile animal and grabbed his collar. "Sorry guys. He gets so excited when I have company."
Angela had reached the driver's side door and was fumbling in her purse. After a few moments she pulled out her inhaler and began breathing deeply into it.
"What's going on out here?" Emmett appeared in the doorway, wearing acid wash jeans and a 'Born to Rock' t-shirt.
Alice quickly walked the dog over to Emmett. "Can you put Taboo on his runner in the backyard? He's being a bit too friendly with the girls."
"Sure, no problem." He waved to me and Angela before disappearing into the house with the dog.
"All clear!" I yelled to Angela. She looked a bit skeptical, but after contemplating her situation a few moments she slowly walked our way.
"He's really just a big softy. I swear." Alice smiled warmly.
"With very sharp teeth," Ange added as we entered the house.
We followed Alice through the foyer and into her kitchen. Rose and Jessica were busy setting the table. I paused as I took them in. Rose was wearing a short plaid skirt; her tiny t-shirt had a skull in the center of it. Odd.
Yet even more odd was Jessica's outfit. She was stuffed into a skin tight hot pink camouflage jumpsuit with pink combat boots. Her hair was teased so high it nearly hit the ceiling.
"What the hell are you guys wearing?" I was laughing so hard I barely finished the question.
Jessica dropped the fork in her hand and jumped up shouting, "SURPRISE! WE'RE ROCK STARS!" she pouted a little. "You can't tell?"
I smacked the side of my head. "Oh, right. Total rock stars."
"Didn't you get my email, Angela?" Alice asked.
Ange nodded. "Yes, but I was afraid to open it." She picked nervously at a piece of lint on the front of her jacket. "It said 'Rock Until You Drop' in the subject line. I thought it was some sort of virus, so I deleted it immediately and ran a full virus scan on my computer."
Alice's eyes widened dramatically. "Oh, no! That's my fault. I always try to think of clever subject lines for my emails." She walked over to the stove and put on a pair of oven mittens. "I sent it to explain our surprise theme for Bella's birthday dinner."
"Surprise theme?" Angela's face was filled with confusion.
"We always do a surprise theme for our birthday dinners. We put our names into a hat to decide who gets to pick the theme," Rose explained.
"Guess who picked the theme for Bella's dinner?" Jessica was bursting at the seams with excitement, figuratively and literally. The girl was seriously crammed into her jumpsuit.
"Hmmm…let me guess." I looked around the room. "Was it Rose?"
Jessica snickered. "No."
I thought deeply. "Emmett?"
"No," she cackled deviously.
I snapped my fingers. "Oh, I know, Alice?"
"Nooooo," she huffed, growing impatient.
"Oh, I got it!" I yelled out. Jessica started bouncing up and down. "It was Jasper. It must have been him," I said, confidently.
Her face dropped. "No it was me," she sulked. "I thought of it all by myself, too. It's gonna be the most fun EVER!" she squealed in delight.
Angela looked down at her conservative outfit and frowned, no doubt beating herself up for not being dressed properly. "Oh, god, I'm such a moron. I should have opened your email. I could have borrowed something of Bella's to wear tonight. Now I've ruined your party, I'm so sorry Alice." She was quickly working herself into a panic.
Alice waved her off. "Don't even worry about it. We can rock you out in no time." She opened the oven and pulled out a giant meatloaf in the shape of a guitar.
It was incredible; the guitar strings were made from slices of bacon. Alice walked over to the table and carefully set it down.
"That's amazing, Alice," I gushed.
"Yeah, well, it was originally going to be a microphone since you sing, but ah…" Alice trailed off.
"It looked like a huge penis," Jessica cackled.
"Did someone say huge penis?" Mike sashayed into the room in red leather pants and vest with no shirt beneath it. He had a matching studded collar around his neck and red moccasins on his bare feet. He looked like a fire hydrant from hell.
"Did you bring the magic ice cream?" Jessica asked eagerly, eyes wide open.
Mike reached into his designer duffel bag and pulled out a large tray. "It's not ice cream hooch…they're electric Popsicles." He pranced over to the refrigerator and put the tray in the freezer.
"Yay! They're so delicious. I can never have just one." She clapped joyfully.
"No more than two for you, Jess. Remember what happened last time," Rose warned.
Jessica's face grew serious. "Oh, yeah. I got a brain freeze and passed out."
Rose nodded. "And then when you woke up you thought you were a talking butterfly."
They all laughed at the memory of it and I was surprised to find myself wishing I'd been there. Good Lord, the crazies were getting to me.
Emmett entered the kitchen through the back door. "What's so funny?"
Alice was still giggling as she struggled to get the words out. "We were just talking about the last time Jessica had electric Popsicles."
A shit eating grin appeared on Emmett's face. "The Butterfly Effect," he let out a loud guffaw and they all broke into a fit of laughter again.
Ange and I looked at each other. I'd told her all about the gang and their wacky ways, but it was interesting to see her witness it for herself. 'See,' my eyes said to her, 'they're crazy.'
We shared a private laugh at their expense. They were oblivious to it though, caught up in their own little world… as always.
The doorbell rang, breaking the moment. "I'll get it," Alice yelled as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
I tried helping Rose and Jessica with dinner but they shooed me away. They had no problem putting Angela right to work though. Emmett announced he was going to put some rock star music on, leaving Mike and I to make small talk with one another.
"Nice outfit," I said with a sly smirk.
"I know." He ran his hands down the sides of his blood red pants. "I'm so hot even I can't keep my hands off myself."
I rolled my eyes at his ridiculousness, but he was far too busy groping himself to notice.
His eyes shot up to mine when he was done. "You should spend a little more time on your appearance, Bella," he smirked back at me. "Or do you like being alone?"
I had to laugh. "I should be taking fashion advice from you?" I swiped the air around him. "Look, I have no intention of ruining Alice's dinner, but don't think for one minute I've forgotten you sabotaged me." My finger was in his face.
He swatted my hand away like a bug. "Apples, please," his neck swiveled. "That wasn't sabotage. How the hell was I supposed to know your spinster ass was crazy enough to spray an unidentified fluid all over your boss's body? Honestly, who does that?" He had the nerve to ask.
Before I could even respond, Alice came charging into the room with Jasper behind her. He was wearing his favorite Ramones Too Tough to Die t-shirt. It was the same shirt Alice had on; with his black jeans they looked like twins; even their hair looked similar.
I cackled instantly. "You can't be serious." I kept laughing, it just got funnier and funnier the longer I looked at them.
Alice folded her arms. "I'm not changing, this shirt has a lot of meaning for me," she smiled sweetly. "I've had a thing for the Ramones since I was a little girl, my Aunt Lidia is a well known groupie and for my thirteenth birthday she slept with Joey and got this for me. Look!" She pointed to her chest proudly.
We all looked at Alice's chest closely. Sure enough there it was in faded ink 'Alice, Gabba Gabba we accept you; one of us', with Joey's sloppy signature right under it.
Jazz's eyes bugged out of his head. "No fucking way!" He was salivating.
"Way," Alice said simply.
The oven buzzer went off. "Oh, I'll get that." She rushed over to the stove, with Jasper's eyes following her the entire way. He was mesmerized.
"Earth to Jazz." I snapped my fingers in front of his face.
He blinked a few times before looking at me. "Are you ready to party birthday girl?" he gave me his most wicked grin, the boy was clearly up to no good.
"I'm leaving for New York in the morning, so you better behave tonight." I knew that gleam in his eye all too well.
I didn't want to be hung over for my first plane ride. Not to mention it would be highly unacceptable behavior in Edroar's opinion and I promised myself I wouldn't push his buttons while we were away.
Jasper tossed me a lazy smile as he threw his arm across my shoulders. "All the more reason to celebrate, Darlin'."
Alice was zipping around the kitchen at lightning speed. She wasn't kidding when she said she knew how to cook for a large group. Her pots and pans were industrial sized.
The doorbell rang and I heard Emmett's booming voice yell, "got it," from somewhere in the house.
Alice tapped her chin lightly as her bright eyes scanned the room. "Okay, who's going to be our bartender for the night?"
Mike waved a prissy hand in the air. "I'll do it, but only if you all call me Booze Master." He shimmied over to the bar.
Jessica's deafening scream pierced the air and to my dismay she started screech talking. I had no idea what the hell she was saying, she sounded like a freaked out bird. I covered my ears before turning around.
Jake was standing in the doorway with Alex in front of him. They both wore faded jeans, white t-shirts and black leather biker jackets. Alex's hair was in a spiky mohawk. He really did look cute enough to eat.
"Hi, Jake," I waved. "Who's this rock star you brought with you?" I eyed the mini rocker looking up at me. "I thought Alex was coming tonight?"
Alex giggled. "Bella, it's me."
My eyes widened. "Wow! You never told me you were a rock star." I shook my finger at him.
"I'm not really a rock star. I just dressed up for your party. It's pretend," he explained as though I were an idiot.
"Oh, well you did a good job. I didn't even recognize you. Are you sure you're Alex?" I teased.
"Yes." He shook his head at my silliness. "There's no five year old rock stars." He chuckled at the thought.
Dinner was delicious, though Jessica made sure to voice her disgust over our brutal cow desecration.
"It's survival of the fittest," Emmett said with a mouthful of meat.
Jessica shook her head vigorously. "Humans can survive without eating meat."
"Yeah, but who the hell wants to live on tofu and wear pleather?" He pointed to Mike with his fork. "I bet that cow would be damn proud to know it made a fashion statement like that."
Mike nodded his head in agreement. "Oh, yes. It's quite an honor to be wrapped tightly around this body," he spoke seductively, while keeping his eyes firmly on Jake.
I choked on my meat and grabbed for the water.
We'd barely finished eating before Jessica was begging for dessert. Alice told her she had to wait a bit longer and then grabbed Angela before darting from the room. Mike took his place behind the bar and started mixing drinks. He refused to serve anyone that didn't address him as Booze Master.
Whenever Jazz addressed him it sounded more like Booze Bastard, but Mike was far too busy trying to seduce Jake to notice. Alex and I had just discovered the video game arsenal when Alice appeared in the doorway.
She cleared her throat loudly. "May I have your attention please?" she waited for all eyes to land on her. "It's my pleasure to present to you…Lady AgAg."
Seconds later Angela crept into the room wearing a neon yellow wig, silver hot pants and an abstract eye mask. The room broke out into cheers and whistles.
Ange nearly jumped out of her skin with all the attention, her eyes widened like saucers. She was twitching nervously, her shoulders slumped forward. Alice was still clapping exuberantly as Angela slowly made her way over to the bar.
"CAKE TIME!" Jessica screeched at the top of her lungs, causing everyone to migrate into the kitchen.
"Aren't we going wait for Mr. Cullen to get here?" Alex asked as he climbed onto his chair.
There were several dramatic gasps. "Mr. Cullen's coming?" Jessica looked terrified.
Alice shook her head. "No, he's far too busy to come here for a birthday dinner," she explained to Alex softly.
"Did you invite him?" he asked, curiously.
She crinkled her nose before answering. "No, but I didn't need to, I know his schedule. He doesn't have time for birthday parties, he works constantly."
Alex frowned. "Last year nobody invited John Guidry to their birthday parties because he eats crayons, but I invited him to mine. I just made sure to hide my crayons." He shrugged. "It was easy. Maybe Mr. Cullen wouldn't work all the time if he had other stuff to do."
Alice's mouth fell open but nothing came out, she was speechless. She thought over his words and smiled. "You know what? You may have a point. I never thought of it that way before."
Emmett pulled up a chair and plopped down. "Yeah, except Mr. Cullen doesn't eat crayons, he eats people."
Jessica, Mike, and Lady AgAg nodded their heads in agreement.
I laughed at their seriousness. "Guys, be real. He growls a bit, but I highly doubt he's ever eaten anyone."
"A bit?" Emmett widened his eyes. "If we're being real it's much more than a bit and what makes you so sure he hasn't eaten anyone? I bet he would just love to eat one of us for breakfast." He grinned snidely.
"He has a point." Rose placed the party plates down on the table. "It's very common for employees to disappear from Cullen Publishing, never to be heard from again. We're told they're fired, but who knows they could have been lunch." Her brow rose accusingly.
I scoffed at their silly theories. By no means was the man warm and fuzzy, but that didn't make him a cannibal for Christ's sake.
"Mr. Cullen wouldn't eat anyone." Alex folded his arms and scowled. "I'd growl at people too if I never got to do anything fun."
He's right," Alice said, sternly. "I should have invited him to come for dinner. Maybe Bella can bring him a piece of her birthday cake when she sees him tomorrow." She winked at me.
"CAKE!" Jessica's tone was so high pitched we heard the dog howling in the yard.
"Alright, alright come help me then." Alice laughed at Pep's enthusiasm.
Jessica leaped across the room to Alice's side.
The cake was scrumptious, but it wasn't the main event…those damn electric Popsicles that Mike brought were. I totally got why Jessica was so excited over them, they were amazing. I was just about to go for my third when Rose gave me a look of warning.
"What?" I quirked a brow at her inquisitively.
"I wouldn't have a third if I were you, things get…sketchy after two." Her face was dead serious.
"Okay, but why? What's in them?" They were like nothing I'd ever had before. I assumed there was some sort of liquor involved since I felt a bit tingly, but how much could there be if I didn't even taste it?
She moved in closer to me. "Only Mike knows the recipe and he won't tell a soul," she spoke in a hushed tone. "We've all learned not to eat more than two. Trust me."
I nodded my head at her and she seemed satisfied. Honesty, I wasn't sure whether or not to take her seriously after her crazy Edroar cannibalism theory. My eyes slowly scanned the room, Mike was holding out a Popsicle to Jake but he politely declined it.
Alex was on his second piece of cake, he had frosting all over his mouth and hands. Mike told him the Popsicles were for grownups, so he negotiated two pieces of cake.
I had no idea how many Jazz had and that concerned me. He looked fine but just to be sure I made my way over to him.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, cautiously.
"Fine, these Popsicles are fucking delicious." He grinned.
"How many have you had?" My voice was calm.
"I don't know, a few," he shrugged. "Is there more? Do you want one?" he was about to get up from his chair, but I pushed him back down.
I moved in close to him. "No, I don't and neither do you." I spoke in a hushed warning tone like Rose.
Jasper smiled up at me. "Relax, Bella." He laughed at my stern face. "What's gotten in to you?"
I sighed. "Rose told me not to eat more than two of those Popsicles. Nobody but Mike knows what's in them and weird things have been known to happen."
He nodded in understanding. "Well, if that's the case you might want to check on Angela, she's had way more than two."
"Shit!" I whisper shouted. "Why didn't you stop her?"
"Why the hell would I stop her from eating Popsicles?" He scoffed.
My eyes darted around at lightning speed, I didn't see her anywhere. I quickly asked around and no one knew where she was. I wanted to kill Mike…again, but first I had to find Ange. I searched the bottom floor of the house before walking over to Alice to explain the situation.
Her eyes widened a little. "Okay, don't panic, she'll be fine," but she didn't look convinced. "Maybe she's upstairs."
I nodded and followed her up the staircase. We searched the second floor…no Angela. I looked out the front window, her car was still outside. I tried calling her cell phone and heard it ringing in her purse on the counter.
I stomped over to Mike. "What the hell did you put in those Popsicles?" My hands were on my hips.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" he smirked, playfully.
I was just about to deck him when Alice yelled out, "Oh my god, Bella, look!"
I shot him a murderous glare before storming away. Alice was standing in the kitchen door looking out into the back yard. I stood behind her and couldn't believe my eyes. Angela was sitting in the grass giggling hysterically as a hundred pound German shepherd licked her face.
We looked at each other in shock before bolting across the lawn. "Ange!" I called out.
Her eyes shot up to mine and a goofy grin spread across her wet face. "Isabella," she sang and then giggled hysterically at an unknown joke.
I dropped down to her level. "Are you feeling okay?" I couldn't hide the concern in my voice. Her eyes looked a little spaced out, but other than that she seemed fine. She was still wearing her yellow wig and eye mask, though they were both a bit crooked.
"I'm feeling GREAT!" she exclaimed. "I love this dog." She wrapped her arms around the furry beast beside her and gave him a loud, smacking kiss. The dog licked Angela's nose causing her to giggle hysterically again.
"Looks like the feeling's mutual," I held out my hand. "Come on, it's time to say good-bye to your friend."
She let me pull her up without a fight. Once she was on her own two feet she waved at the dog and blew him a few kisses before turning towards the house. She refused to call it a night, so against my better judgment I drove her car over to Sully's, a little dive bar that Jazz and I hung out at.
It wasn't the type of place Angela would ever want to go.
The bartenders there scared her. They had tattoos and piercings, making them potential murderers and rapists in her mind. Whenever Jazz was around she was visibly nervous for that same reason. I knew she was afraid of Jasper, but she was far too polite to say anything.
He usually kept his distance from her and let me know what a strange roommate I had.
That was the roommate I used to know, the new Popsicled version of Ange was busy chatting up the bartender, giggling hysterically without a care in the world. I hovered over her like a mother hen at first, but backed off when I realized she was having a really good time. I didn't want to ruin her night.
I'd never seen her so worry free.
She was still wearing the bright yellow wig and eye mask. I laughed out loud when she introduced herself to the bartender as Lady AgAg. He seemed to find her entertaining and I knew he was harmless…for the most part.
Jazz lined up a few shots and beckoned me over to the other side of the bar.
I shook my head slowly. "Nice try, but I'm driving Angela's car. I already told you I'm behaving tonight."
"Angela?" he looked around the bar. "Oh, you mean Lady AgAg?" his eyes locked on my roommate, who at that particular moment was downing a shot of Southern Comfort with a pack of dirty biker boys.
Ange high fived each one of them after slamming her empty shot glass down on the bar.
Jasper's eyes shot back to mine. "I bet she wouldn't mind if you left her car here for the night and cabbed it."
I sighed heavily. "I leave for New York in the morning and I definitely don't want to spend my first flight hurling in the bathroom."
He pouted a little. "Aw come on, Izzybell, we have to celebrate your birthday. You think that Fat Cat is gonna celebrate it with you?"
I laughed at the thought. "Hell no, he won't even know it's my birthday. It's a business trip." I smiled at his sulky expression. "Look, Jazz, I really appreciate your concern, but getting bombed isn't what I want this year."
He frowned at my words.
I punched his arm, which for us was a loving gesture. "Just hanging out with my best friend is all I need this time. Okay?"
I looked into his grey blue eyes, the same eyes that sucked me in on the playground so many years before and hoped he would see how honest I was being with him.
He nodded before taking a swig of his beer. "Alright, but don't think you're making a habit out of this shit. When my birthday comes around I'm getting fucking smashed and you better be right there beside me puking your guts out." He smirked, devilishly.
"Of course, where else would I be?" I smirked back.
His hand grabbed hold of my chin. "If that cake eater gives you any shit you set him straight or I'll do it for you. You hear me?" The lethal look in his eyes let me know just how serious he was.
I pinched the cheeks on his stern face. "Such a warrior," I chuckled.
He dropped his hand. "I'm not kidding, Bella. I don't like the thought of you so far away with that guy. Jake says he's a real hot head."
My eyes widened dramatically. "On no! A hot head. I've never been around one of those before. What ever will I do?" I feigned fear.
He scowled at me. "Wise ass."
I ruffled his hair, causing him to scowl even more. "Stop worrying. They don't call me Buttercup for nothing. I'm a force to be reckoned with." I lifted my arms and flexed my muscles.
He laughed in my face. "You just remember my words," his eyes softened. "Enjoy your trip, Buttercup." he winked at me before walking away.
Staying sober gave me the chance to sit back and watch the night unfold, I rarely got to do that. Usually, I was so caught up in the action that I missed all the details. The gang was more than happy to drink the night away with Jasper.
Much to Mike's dismay Jake left before midnight. He had to pick up Alex and didn't want to bring him home too late.
Within half an hour of meeting her new friends at the bar, Angela decided she was buying a motorcycle. The visual of her braking and crawling over potholes on a bike caused me to burst into a fit of laughter.
The usual bar flies swarmed around Jazz. The boy was a natural flirt so he fed the flames without even trying. A red headed bimbo straddled his lap, cooing filthy perversions in his ear, while two others waited in line behind them, it was totally ridiculous.
Even he had a limited amount of patience for it, so when bimbo number two bitch slapped bimbo number three he shooed them all away and came to sit with us. The gang and I were hanging out at a table in the corner of the bar, the whole place was dark and seedy, but the corner was even more so.
The minute we sat down Jessica screeched, "Scarytime!"
Emmett whipped out a pocket flashlight and held it beneath his chin, illuminating his face in an eerie glow…and so it began.
I didn't even bother asking questions. I learned to just go with the flow. They were telling a group ghost story. When the storyteller used a player's name that person had to guzzle their drink and then continue on with the story, I got out of guzzling since I was the designated driver.
The story was actually more funny than scary since they all had such different ideas on what should happen, the plot changed drastically with each new speaker.
By round four they were all blitzed out of their minds and laughing hysterically at everything they said. I noticed Alice and Jasper were sitting real close together, their heads practically touching as they snickered at private jokes. It seemed the two had developed a twin connection.
Though he would never admit it, I knew my zany co-workers were growing on Jazz. Hell, I could barely admit it to myself. Why should I expect him to?
By three that morning I was done. I had to drag Angela away from her buddies at the bar. Her wig was covering her eyes as she told me about the tattoo she was getting, a 5Point tattoo...across her back.
She convinced her new pals, who had never heard of the band, that they rocked 'hardcore'. The crazy Popsicle girl somehow talked a gang of degenerate hell raisers into going with her to 5Point's next concert in Seattle.
I really had to see that.
Angela was still sleeping when the car came to pick me up the next morning.
I wondered how much of her alter ego she'd be waking up with. I also wondered what the hell was in those damn Popsicles. I got the feeling Mike would never tell, the sneaky bastard.
I left Ange a quick note telling her I'd call from New York.
It was a day of firsts for me all around because I'd never ridden in a limousine before, not that I ever wanted to. In my mind they were nothing but flashy vessels for rich arrogant assholes.
I rolled my eyes at the sight of them.
Yet, there I sat in the back of a limo bouncing with excitement. As long as I could remember whenever I saw an airplane glide through the sky I wondered where it would land and what sort of adventure awaited its passengers.
Now, I would be the one in the sky, I would have the adventure.
The limo pulled alongside a sleek private jet, the Cullen Publishing logo obnoxiously stamped on the side of it. My face was practically flat against the window. I felt like a starry eyed child.
Alice told me I'd be traveling in the company jet, normally such a blatant display of wealth would disgust me, but I was so pumped about going to New York I overlooked it.
Was it wrong that I was even more excited to be traveling in a private jet? My inner rock star was totally silent. Apparently shameful extravagance was perfectly acceptable in certain situations.
My car door sprung open bringing me back to the moment, a stocky gray haired man bearing no expression stood before me offering his hand. How strange it felt being catered to like that. It was unnerving.
I waved him off as I stepped out of the car. "Thanks so much for the ride, I really appreciate it," I smiled awkwardly.
He smiled back, bringing his face to life. "Enjoy your trip, Ms. Swan." He shut the door the second I stepped away from the car.
"I'm going to New York." My voice was full of glee, it barely sounded like me.
"Yes, I know," he held back a laugh, I definitely amused him.
"Oh, right," I laughed at my own stupidity and gave a small wave before turning away.
A goofy grin appeared on my face as I climbed the staircase up to the plane. I stilled midway. Crap! I forgot my luggage. I jogged back down the staircase in a hurry. It would be just my luck to end up in New York with nothing but the clothes on my back.
The limo pulled away before I reached the last step.
"Wait!" I yelled out as I ran after it, waving my arms frantically. I tried in vain to catch up to a moving vehicle.
All my money, which wasn't much, was in my suitcase. If I wasn't so god damn starry eyed at the sight of the plane I would have thought to get my bag. I cursed my wretched luck for several minutes before realizing Mr. Cullen could just call the driver to come back.
I started running at top speed towards the plane. I tore up the staircase taking two at a time and dove straight through the entrance, plowing directly into something very hard.
"Umph." I landed on my ass. It felt like I hit a rock wall. I looked up dazed from the impact.
"What on earth are you doing?" The Lion didn't look happy.
"Can you call the driver back here please?" I begged, literally, I was on my knees before him.
"Is there a problem?" he asked, smoothly.
I nodded vigorously. "Yes, I left my luggage in the limo," I panted. "If you could please call the driver and ask him to come back I'll run down and grab my suitcase. I can't believe I forgot to take it with me," I grumbled a slew of obscenities under my breath.
"That won't be necessary," he said, sharply.
My jaw dropped. "I most definitely think it will be necessary." I tried desperately to keep my voice respectful.
His eyes darkened. "Get off the floor," he glared at me. "We're about to take off."
I folded my arms stubbornly. "Why won't you call him?"
His long frame leaned over me menacingly. "Because, your luggage is on the plane, now get off the floor," he barked before stalking away.
Slowly I stood up, my ass burned from the rough landing. How the hell did my luggage get on the plane? I didn't hear the trunk open or close. Obviously the driver was a ninja, though I suppose I was in a bit of a brain fog before he opened my door.
As I boarded the plane I was struck by how spacious it was. I'd often heard people complain about leg room while flying. That certainly wouldn't be a problem. The interior was designed much like Cullen Publishing's headquarters, regal yet modern.
It was twice the size of Jasper's apartment for Christ's sake.
Enchanting artwork decorated the walls. Again, I should have been thoroughly disgusted by such wasteful decadence, but I was leaving Washington. There was no way in hell I was going to let anything rain on my parade, including myself.
The smile on my face was ear to ear, that almost never happened to me, the feeling was unfamiliar, but I liked it.
Edroar was nowhere to be found. I managed to piss him off before we even left the ground. I decided to make an extra effort to be on my best behavior the entire flight. I plopped myself down on the couch and waited for takeoff, still grinning like a fool.
When the engines came to life a bolt of electricity raced through my system. I hopped up on my knees and pushed my nose against the window to see if we were moving yet…we weren't. My eyes stayed glued to the window not wanting to miss a single second.
"Welcome aboard, Ms. Swan. Would you care for refreshment?" a feminine voice asked from behind me. I peeled my face from the window and spun around. A striking woman stood smiling at me.
"I'll just have water thanks," I smiled back. "I'm Bella." I hated being called Ms. Swan, it was so stuffy.
"Welcome, Bella, my name is Mandy. I'll be the attendant for this flight. Please let me know if you need anything." Her name tag was pinned directly above the Cullen Publishing logo on her tight fitting uniform.
"Thanks, I will." I was still grinning like a freak, though I tried my best to tone it down.
I watched as Mandy walked away, her hips swayed from side to side rhythmically. She was incredibly voluptuous, like an old time movie star.
My face went right back in the window. I must have looked like a spastic puppy, but I couldn't help it. Being a visual person I wanted to absorb everything.
It was a gloomy day, which wasn't unusual for Seattle. I wondered what the weather would be like in New York. Angela helped me pack for pretty much any scenario, so I wasn't worried.
"Ms. Swan," the Tyrant's deep voice broke into my bubble.
"Yes," my muffled reply came from inside the window.
I heard a frustrated sigh. "Unless you want a broken nose I suggest you take your seat."
I turned to face him. "Excuse me?" I was still grinning from ear to ear.
"Do you generally place your face against the window during takeoff?" There was a slight smirk on his lips.
"Sometimes," I lied.
"Really?" He looked doubtful.
I nodded. Why I was lying about something so ridiculous I had no idea.
"Take your seat," he ordered, before walking away.
I huffed like a child as I ripped myself from the window, he was so damn bossy. I went over to one of the recliners and plopped myself down. Mandy was at my side seconds later.
She placed my drink in the cup holder. "Buckle up, Bella."
I stared into her ample cleavage as she leaned down. How could you not? It demanded attention.
"You probably fly a lot, right?" I asked, being the queen of small talk as always.
Mandy swung her long dark hair behind her shoulders. "I get around." She winked, playfully.
Oh, I bet she did. I smirked to myself. It was clear she had…assets and knew how to use them. I wondered if she shared her assets with Edroar.
That thought disgusted me.
He probably had a slew of women to fill his needs. Not that I was a sappy romantic or anything, but casual sex just wasn't my thing. Jazz and I disagreed about that all the time. He thought one night stands were like bite sized relationships. He never wanted the full meal. It was always just a snack for him.
Honestly, I could see his point.
Couples were really annoying. We agreed on that much. I just could never do one night stands. They were so unappetizing to me, so empty. I'd rather starve.
I buckled myself in and looked around. Edroar was sitting at the conference table, briefcase open, documents in hand. He was eying them with great focus. Mandy sauntered her way over to him, all hips and cleavage.
"Mr. Cullen, your drink." She bent down low and placed the drink before him.
He gave a slight nod without looking up.
The next thing I knew we were moving down the runway. I had to fight the urge to plaster myself against the window. The sheer force of the takeoff pushed me back into my seat, I gasped at the intensity of it. Then calmness filled the cabin, I unbuckled myself and headed straight for the window.
I tried to be smooth about it, but my heart was leaping out of my chest. The cool glass chilled my face. I felt like I was floating, a sea of white, rolling, clouds stretched out to infinity. It was surreal. I remained glued to that spot until Mandy called me to my seat for lunch.
I wolfed down my food barely chewing it. I wanted to bring my lunch over to the window but she'd set the table so nicely it would've been rude.
The Lion was still reading through documents intently, his sleeves rolled up, hair in total disarray. I thought about what Alex said. Was Edroar the kid who ate crayons, never to be included in any of the fun? I finished my lunch and made my way over to him.
He hadn't even touched his food. I stood there a few moments before clearing my throat to get his attention.
"Yes," he said without looking up.
"You haven't eaten," I stated the obvious.
He lowered the document and glanced down at the plate disdainfully. "I'll pass." He turned his nose up and went back to reading.
I laughed at his pompous attitude. He really was a Fat Cat through and through.
"Something funny, Ms. Swan?" He was still reading.
"You," I admitted honestly.
His eyes shot up to mine, a spark of light flickered within their stormy darkness. Something about those green eyes drew me right in, like words on a page they told a story and I wanted to read it, but I only got glimpses before the book slammed shut.
"Do I amuse you?" He stared me down aggressively, instinctively I matched his gaze.
"Yes," I smirked. "You're a snob."
He raked his fingers through his hair. "I don't accept inferiority in any capacity. That makes me a snob?"
"Yes." I nodded. "Big time."
He leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out. "Well then, I suppose I'm a big time snob. Is that all?"
"No." I moved in a little closer. "I was just wondering…did you eat crayons when you were a child?"
He pondered my question a few moments. "Only the blue ones, the other colors paled in comparison."
I laughed. "I bet you were a snobby child. You probably had gold plated crayons," I teased.
Whatever memory I stirred up obviously wasn't a pleasant one. The book slammed shut instantly, darkness engulfed the light.
Just as he was about to respond the plane suddenly shook, causing me to lunge forward. I lost my balance and landed directly in his lap.
"What the hell was that?" My eyes were wide open and darting around wildly.
"Just a little turbulence," he explained, calm, cool and collected.
"A little?" I scoffed. "It felt more like a lot to me."
He took in my fearful expression with great interest. "You're afraid." The shock on his face was evident.
"What? I am not," I huffed, defensively.
His strong jaw lowered, dangerously close to mine. "Liar," he enunciated the word very slowly.
My mouth dropped open at his gall. I narrowed my eyes as my hands flew to my hips. Swiftly everything about him became predatory, it happened so fast I wasn't prepared.
Dark tormented eyes ignited bearing straight into mine with such intensity it literally took my breath away.
Greedily I soaked up all I could. He was exposed to me…for the moment. There was so much to take in I was slightly overwhelmed by it all. Yet, I was so completely mesmerized I couldn't look away. The warmth of his breath brushed against my cool skin, reminding me to breathe.
How in the world did I forget to breathe?
The plane jolted again, breaking the spell I was under, I gripped the back of his chair firmly with both hands while calling upon the holy family at the top of my voice. He chuckled wickedly, delighted by my horror. His cruelty truly knew no bounds.
I glared at him fiercely.
Then I got it, just as I laughed at Angela's ridiculous fear of potholes….funny was funny. Who knew Edroar of all people would understand that. I erupted into a fit of giggles. My grandmother always told me, 'If you can't laugh at yourself you have a pretty shitty sense of humor'.
Mandy's assets were suddenly thrust in my face. "Looks like we may be in for a bumpy ride, Sir."
Where in the hell had she come from?
"I gathered," he replied dismissively, his eyes never leaving mine.
It was at that moment I noticed I was sitting in the Tyrant's lap, my hands above his head boxing him in beneath me, his arms were wrapped tightly around my waist. He must have realized it too because he abruptly pulled them away.
You'd think it would've been awkward, it should have been awkward, yet somehow it wasn't…at all.
Good Lord, how long would I have sat there if Mandy's maracas hadn't shown up? It was bizarre how comfortable it felt. Clearly the high altitude was messing with my mind. I jumped to my feet the moment she stepped back.
Her dark brown eyes rolled over me carefully before she sauntered away. She was sizing me up, that I was sure of. I knew the look. Jazz's never ending flock of bimbos gave it to me all the time.
It was the 'What's so special about her?' look. I understood why Jasper's groupies felt that way, he made it clear how special I was to him, but that certainly wasn't the case with Edroar.
I spent the rest of the flight by my window, it was so peaceful. The Tyrant was back at work, a slight crease formed on his brow as his eyes scanned the page in front of him. When Mandy came over to let me know we'd be landing soon she had a smug look on her face.
"Will you be on our return flight as well?" I asked, trying to make small talk with her.
She nodded. "Yes, just let me know if you and Mr. Cullen would like some alone time."
I coughed on her words. "Alone time? I don't think that will be necessary." She couldn't be serious.
Her maracas bounced as she laughed in my face. "Oh, Sweetie, don't be coy," Mandy smirked knowingly. "Lord knows I've tried getting his attention for years," she pointed to her bountiful tata's. "Even the gayest of gays appreciate this view, if you know what I mean?" She winked.
I nodded, because I did know what she meant.
She glanced over her shoulder at the Tyrant before turning back to me. "Not once has that man looked at me," she paused. "But he sure does notice you," Her eyes swept me from head to toe. "He sure does notice you," she repeated, as though she was baffled by her own words.
I rolled my eyes at the absurd conversation we were having. "I'm Mr. Cullen's personal massage therapist, of course he notices me. It's my job to know him a little more intimately than the rest of his employees." I explained, even though that really should have been obvious in my opinion.
Her hips swiveled. "And what a deliciously exhausting job that must be," she grinned snidely.
I gaped at her outlandish insinuation. "I assure you nothing inappropriate is going on," my tone was stern. "As a matter of fact we spend most of our time arguing," I added with complete honesty.
She patted my shoulder to appease me. "Oh, yes, Honey, I saw the two of you arguing," her smirk widened. "Where I come from that's called foreplay."
My eyes nearly rolled out of my head. "That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. We barely tolerate each other."
The woman dipped into the mini-bar. It was the only possible explanation.
Her finger tapped lightly against her cheek. "Right…you barely tolerate each other," she chuckled. "Forgive me for thinking otherwise."
I brushed her off. "Clearly, you misread the situation. I knew you had the wrong impression when you gave me that look earlier." My brow rose accusingly.
The smug smirk returned. "That you noticed?"
I nodded. "Yes, I noticed it right away, I rarely miss anything. I'm highly observant."
She found that extremely amusing for some odd reason. The girl was a bit off for sure, but then again so was the entire club staff.
Either human resources had a habit of hiring crazies or working for the Tyrant turned them loopy. Who could say, but I had to wonder what that meant for me.
It wasn't long before a breathtaking skyline appeared within my little window. It was love at first sight. I couldn't wait to get off that plane and smell the New York air. Once we landed, I unbuckled myself and darted for the exit giving a quick wave to Mandy along the way.
"Have a pleasurable trip, Bella," her smugness filled the cabin.
"Thanks, I plan on it." My smile was ear to ear.
She mumbled something to herself and laughed heartily as she waved good-bye to me. The chick obviously had issues. I paused at the top of the staircase and inhaled deeply. It smelled like grease, grime and grit with a tinge of sweetness to it.
It was heavenly.
There was a long black limo waiting at the bottom of the stairs, a driver stood at attention next to it. I looked behind me and saw the Lion headed my way, briefcase in hand, suit jacket slung over his shoulder.
"My luggage?" I had to ask.
"Taken care of." He shooed me down the stairs.
Seriously, who were these mysterious luggage carriers? The driver gave a curt nod to each of us as he opened the car door. I slid in first followed by the Tyrant. Within seconds his cell phone rang.
"Yes," he answered, stiffly.
I plastered my face against the window as we pulled away, my nose would be completely flat by the time I returned to Seattle, but I just couldn't help it.
"Unacceptable," the Tyrant growled into his phone. "I'll have the contract within the hour or the deal is off," I glanced at him from over my shoulder, the corner of his lip was curled into a menacing snarl. "Yes, that was a threat." He abruptly ended the call and barked at the chauffeur to drive faster.
He was a ruthless businessman, not that I ever doubted it, I just hadn't actually seen him in action. No wonder he was so tense.
Alice said he worked constantly, was that what his work entailed, always battling to be top dog? Did he ever drop his guard and have fun?
What an exhausting way to live.
Then it hit me, Edroar didn't eat crayons when he was a kid…he used them to build a wall. Stronger layers were added through the years until he was so well protected nothing could get in.
As his massage therapist it was my responsibility to relieve his tension, to lighten his load with my fingertips. How could I possibly be expected to do my job properly if I couldn't get close enough to even touch him?
My mission was clear, I had to put a chip in his armor, maybe if I offered his inner cub a cookie he'd come out to play.
After all…who doesn't like cookies?
A/N: Next up…New York, a full chapter of Edroar and Bella. Oh, the possibilities. Hmm…wonder if her mission will be a success. Is it wise to feed a wild animal? What kind of cookie might a lion like?
HUGE LOVE to the absolutely amazing AgoodWitch. She kept me writing when my brain was pure mush…which sadly is most of the time. Mandy, the sassy flight attendant, in this chapter is based on her. How'd you like them maracas?
Fun Fact: 5Point is not only Angela's Kryptonite but can also be found in the incredible fic Just one of the Boysby the highly talented Tkegl. We did a mini crossover. So fun! It's a must read. You'll laugh your ass off for sure.
Update schedule: Good Lord, do I wish I had one. I promise to write as fast as my little pea brain possibly can.
That's all for now folks. Let me know what you think…..it's my kryptonite.