HEYOOO SHAMAN KING IS BACK IN SHONEN MAGAZINE EDGE! Plus, there's the new spin-off "Red Crimson" centering around the Tao Family! Ahhh! (We'll ignore the pairing-which-shall-not-be-named being pretty prominent. It's actually a decent motivator to write some RenMei, though.) Go read it!
Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei. Any original characters created for this and any spin-off stories were created by Jezebel Parks.
A Gift of Love – Chapter 103: The Price We Pay to Love
Ren stood over his son's body. The boy had collapsed onto his back on the ground, blood continuing to soil his clothes. His eyes were half-lidded, looking up at the sky. The light slowly faded from them, and they closed.
"Niisama!"
Ren looked over his shoulder to see Lien running toward them. She knelt down in the mud, then timidly reached out to touch her twin's cheek. "Niisama…"
Nothing. There was still some warmth to his skin in the brisk February night air, but it meant nothing.
"Niisama," she said again. "You're going to be okay now, right? You'll be free now, right?" She began crumbling. "I…I don't know how I'm going to go on without you here…B-But if you're happy now, I'll try my best…I'll try…my…"
She suddenly grabbed at her chest, clutching what was left of her blouse. It felt as though, all at once, half of her was gone. School. Birthdays. Outings. Nightmares. Training. Studying. Traveling. Advising.
Loving.
All those things were changed forever. For nearly eighteen years, she had shared all of those moments with her twin, her brother, her first love. Now, she would be experiencing them alone. Not just for a day, a week, or a year, but for as long as she lived. The memories flashed in her mind, cycling through them, repeating, focusing on the most precious. Even those less pleasant had their place.
At…At least I…Even though I wasn't ready…even though it had been forced…at least my first time was…
The reel of memories jammed. Her eyes widened.
Rong had by this time carried Pin-Mei over to them. She now knelt beside her son's body, gently touching his face.
"S-Sweetheart…" she whispered earnestly. "Mommy's here…It's time to wake up now." When there was no reply, her eyes became lifeless. She stared at her son blankly, face pale.
HoroHoro stood there, eyes wide. He looked to his friend. "Ren…you…" The Tao wouldn't even acknowledge him. HoroHoro followed his gaze down to Pin-Mei, who Rong now knelt beside. She tried to console the devastated mother, but wasn't completely stable herself. Though happy flashbacks consumed the mothers' thoughts, neither could find a reason to smile.
Excitedly calling Rong when she knew she was expecting. Her pregnancy – singing, talking to, and caressing her stomach, becoming more enthralled with each passing day. Learning Rong was expecting a few months after her. Phone calls between them when the other missed her husband. The birth of the twins. Discovering Ren's allergy. Marveling at how much her son resembled his father, both in appearance and intelligence. How he had changed…gone on a rampage, sacrificed himself, proving that he was still the kind boy she knew.
Silent tears fell from her eyes. She didn't respond to Rong's touch. Her gaze was focused on her little boy. The surviving Ren looked away. Seeing his wife and daughter in such anguish was punishment for this newest crime. He knew that.
"Master Ren."
He started, then looked at Li. She was holding a wooden amulet out to him. A sealing spell had been crudely carved into it.
"Forgive me, but I took it upon myself to seal Hao's spirit into this peach wood." Her eyes followed him as he took it from her. "My skills may pale in comparison to yours and Mistress Pin-Mei's, but this should be enough to hold him."
Ren studied it, then nodded. "Good job, Li." He handed it back to her, and she placed it on the inside of her vest.
"Your words humble me."
"Li," Pin-Mei's voice came, low and sharp.
The guard stood at attention, their eyes locking. "Yes, Mistress?"
"Li," she said again. "Give me the rest of that vial."
Her maidservant frowned. "My Lady, you can't even stand up. If you were to consume any more of the elixir, it could do permanent damage to your body."
"I'm not asking for your opinion," Pin-Mei snapped. "Give me the vial."
"Pin-Mei, she's right," Rong said. "It's been tested. It only took a little more than a vial full to cause one guard's furyoku to be permanently sealed. One even lost all feeling in her body – she couldn't move for the rest of her days, and the only thing she felt was pain. It was so unbearable she eventually killed herself to escape it!"
Pin-Mei snapped her arm out to Li. "GIVE ME THE DAMN VIAL."
Li placed her hand on her vest.
"Li, don't you dare."
"I know, Jiejie."
"DO AS I SAY!"
"Stand down, Li," Ren commanded. He turned to his wife. "Pin-Mei, what are you thinking? What could possibly be worth the risks Rong described?"
"I NEED TO BRING HIM BACK!" she screamed.
Ren's eyes narrowed. "Bring him…" He looked down and saw that she had covered her hands in their son's blood. He fell to his knees and grabbed her wrists. "You're not doing the Soul Search! I won't allow it!"
Pin-Mei struggled against him. "Then what do you want me to do? I can't just sit here doing nothing if I have the ability to save him!"
"If it means losing you instead, then yes, you can! Ren wouldn't want you to sacrifice yourself for him – not when he was pleading for death!"
She bit her lip, new tears flowing. "I can't stand to lose them both…One is enough, but two? No, no, I can't! What kind of mother am I if I just stand by and allow my children to be taken from me?!"
"You've never stood by!" Ren yelled, causing her to flinch. "As long as I've known you, you've fought for every single thing you have now!"
She stared at him. "W-What…? I have…?"
"Yes! When we were children, you fought to get me to notice you. You fought to get back to me when Suo took you away. You fought for Rong's right to keep Xue if she wanted. You hit a wall when you found out you might not be able to have children yourself, but you fought through your depression, and you persevered until you did have a successful pregnancy. When you wanted a third, you came right out and asked me instead of keeping it to yourself and hoping I brought it up.
"You fought for the twins when school was hell for them, and when those moronic parents tried to paint Ren as an out of control hooligan. It impresses me to this day every time I think about it, considering how pregnant you were. You fought to save Ren last time, but there's nothing you or I can do this time. No one will blame you for this – no one. Ren would want you to concentrate on taking care of Lien—" He gently touched the black mark between her breasts. "-as well as yourself."
The mother tensed, looking around for validation. No one was chiming in to agree with her.
"We all know how much you love your children," Rong said with a small smile. "You've always wanted to be a mother – always. Just as Ren was put on this earth to save it, to tame the Spirit of Thunder, to be your soul mate, just as I was born to protect you, I whole-heartedly believe that being with Ren and making beautiful children with him, giving them your entire heart and soul, loving them to your own detriment is your destiny. It's your lot in life. There's no way that anyone who truly knows you could argue that you haven't done everything you possibly could for them." She patted her friend's knee. "It's okay, Pin-Mei. It's okay."
Pin-Mei's eyes misted again. She looked to HoroHoro. The Ainu smiled at her.
"What they said. You're just as important to as us as your kids are. Don't go killing yourself on purpose because you think we'd somehow miss you less. It ain't true."
Li nodded. "I must agree, My Lady. I even recall feeling somewhat envious of your children for having such a devoted mother."
Pin-Mei saw Lien give her a wry pained smile. "Niisama loved you far too much for you to switch places with him…Plus, don't you think Papa and I would miss you just as much?"
Pin-Mei looked at her husband, her son, then back to him. Tears flooded her eyes. She fisted her tunic, her face creased, then threw her face into her hands and howled. Ren wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly against him. Lien scooted over and joined them. She tried to act strong for them, but the more she thought about it, the more her eyes burned.
Her twin was gone. Her little brother was gone. She was the only child left. Worse yet, in being the twin, her parents would be reminded of her older brother every time they looked at her. Now, she would have to live up to her brother's legacy. She would have to spar with her father and get good grades. It would be up to her to take the reins of the Tao family when the time came. The mere thought of all this pressure made her nauseous.
Li, Rong, and HoroHoro watched for a few moments before the couple stood.
"We should go check on Seta and Xue," HoroHoro said.
Rong nodded, then turned to her sister. "Li…"
"Don't worry, JieJie. I will watch over them." She was staring intently at the three Taos. Ren's head had bowed, hiding his eyes from the group. "I promise."
The two made their way over to the bushes where Aika had laid the bodies.
"Did Pin-Mei heal Seta?"
"Yes, just like she said she would. Not completely, but enough so his life isn't in any danger," Rong replied.
As they neared the edge of the area, they saw their son sitting up in a groggy daze. Sheng was kneeling at his side, rubbing balm on his arms and torso.
"You're doing a fair job of not reacting to the antiseptic," she observed. He let out a nervous laugh.
"Yeah. That stuff works wonders in terms of healing, but holy hell does it hurt to put on."
Seta jerked his head around at the sound of his mother's voice. Sheng continued her task, unfazed.
"Mom, hey…" he said weakly. "Eh-Ow!" He pawed at the gash she was treating – the largest and deepest one.
"Whoops, sorry about that, honey," Rong said with a small smile.
"Other than that, how do you feel?" HoroHoro asked.
"Like swiss cheese." His son let out a derisive laugh.
"No wonder," he said, observing all the different sizes and shapes of the stab wounds that riddled his body. "Lemme guess – Togen Kyou?"
"Haha, yeah. He directed it at Lien, and I got in the way…"
His parents smiled softly. "Well it's because of that selfless act that Lien is still alive," Rong said.
Seta's eyes widened slightly. "She…She is?"
HoroHoro nodded. "Yup." He winked and gave him a thumbs up. "Good job, son. We'll make sure Ren knows."
Seta's head bowed slightly, a small blush on his face. "Thanks…" He looked up. "Where is she? And Ren? And Auntie Pin-Mei and Uncle Ren?"
Neither one could look him in the eye. They glanced over to where the Tao family was mourning. Seta covered his mouth. "Oh gods…" He was about to get up when—
"Xue! XUE! Can you hear me? Wake up!"
The Usuis looked over to see Hana shaking Xue frantically. They dashed over to him, HoroHoro reaching him first.
"Hana! What's going on?"
The young man turned slightly to look at him, then back to Xue. "I woke up feeling like shit, but definitely conscious. But Xue…I keep shaking her, but she doesn't so much as moan. She has a faint pulse, but she just won't react to anything. It's like she's in a coma or something!"
"Maybe Auntie Pin-Mei just needs to heal her some more…"
Rong shook her head. "No. I watched her heal Xue – she did it just as long as she did you, Seta, and did Hana after that. It should have been enough. Besides, her furyoku is beyond spent now. I'll be surprised if she's walking before we return to Japan."
Her husband looked lost. "Then, what could—"
"The battle is over I see."
The five looked up to see Aika slowly approaching from the forest. Her strides were uneven, staggering. Sheng ran to stand between her and the group, tonfas raised.
"State your name and business. Who are you?"
Aika closed her eyes with a chuckle, swinging her urn. "A friend."
Sheng frowned. "More specific."
"Oh, it's you."
Lien walked up to them, surveying the scene with her swollen eyes. She put up a hand. "It's okay, Sheng. Stand down."
Her maidservant looked at her quizzically. "My Lady, you know this person?"
She nodded. "Aika is the person who pushed me to have the courage to fight Hao when all I wanted to do was run and hide. She's the one who revived all of you. She's also—"
"So she'd know why Xue's not waking up, right?" Hana cut in.
Aika raised her eyebrows. "Hm?"
"She's not waking up! I've tried everything, but it's like she's in a coma!"
At this, the priestess looked more bothered. Before she could say anything, Tadashi's spirit appeared beside her.
"Something's wrong with Xue?!" He floated near her body, a look of deep concern on his face. Before he could get too close, however, Hana swung at him. The punch couldn't harm him, but he dodged nonetheless.
"YOU ASSHOLE!" Hana screamed. "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SHOWING YOUR FACE AROUND HERE AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE?! NOT ONLY DID YOU KILL ME BUT YOU KILLED XUE TOO! IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S LIKE THIS YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"
For a moment, the ghost appeared bewildered. He looked at Hana, then Rong and HoroHoro, and finally Seta. The couple didn't seem ecstatic to see him, either, and Seta was looking at him with large eyes like a beaten puppy. Tadashi closed his eyes and bowed his head.
"I understand why none of you want me here, and I can respect that." He gazed at Xue longingly. "It's just that…believe it or not, I'm still in love with her. I'm ashamed and disgusted with what I've done, and I don't blame any of you for hating me." He bowed. "I know it doesn't undo any of the damage I've done, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry – for getting with Hao and allowing all this to occur, for dragging Ren and Lien into it, for killing Xue and you, Hana. I'm the worst waste of a soul, and—"
Aika stepped forward. "I am to blame for his actions." The group watched, astonished, as she gave a low bow.
"No, Mom, wait! You don't have to—"
"I was a naïve, foolish child when I gave birth to him. His father kidnapped him when he was still a newborn and disappeared. I wasn't strong enough to find him in the eighteen years he was alive, so I wasn't there to guide him through the hardships he faced in the months leading up to his death. Had I been there…" She spoke slowly to try to keep her voice from quivering. "…Tadashi…Yuntaku would not have killed himself. He would not have wanted to take revenge, and your daughter wouldn't be where she is now."
She dropped down to a kowtow.
"Please accept my deepest and sincerest and humblest apologies for failing my son and allowing him to cause you all so much pain. Had I been a better mother, perhaps he and your daughter would still be happily together. It's my fault he turned out this way, so just as much anger should be directed at me." She looked up at the parents, locking eyes with Rong especially. "Reviving you all was my act of penance. The fact Xue has not awakened means something is wrong with her mabui – her soul. I will do all I can to revive her to make up for what has happened."
After some beats of silence, Rong nodded. "Thank you." She turned. "Tadashi."
He snapped to attention. "Yes, ma'am?"
"You…" She sighed. "You're a good kid overall, and I don't really hold any ill will towards you. Even so, I would prefer if you'd make yourself scarce for the time being."
His face fell. He closed his eyes. "I understand." He immediately vanished.
Aika looked at the space where her son had been with regretful eyes, but knew she could say nothing. She finally looked up. "I need to feel her mabui."
Hana stood, and Aika took his place at Xue's side. She set her urn next to her and rotated the lid, allowing sweet fumes to escape. She closed her eyes. Making a triangular shape with her hands, she slowly extended her arms toward Xue. A faint crimson glow emanated from her body as she whispered a Ryukyuan chant. Everyone around her was silent, intently watching her. After several minutes, her chant ended and she opened her eyes.
"Mabui utushi."
"What?" Rong asked.
Aika parted her hands. "Mabui utushi. Xue's mabui has left her." Seeing the puzzled faces around her, she continued. "Mabui can be lost as a result of sudden fright, trauma, or an intense loss of physical capacity. Dying certainly qualifies, but a comatose state such as this is very extreme." She looked to the Usuis. "Has something of this nature happened before?"
She could practically see the light go off in their heads. Rong and HoroHoro looked at each other. She buried her face in his chest.
Seta jumped forward. "Y-Yeah! Four years ago, after Tadashi…you know…She still spoke sometimes, but for the most part, she just sat there, staring into space."
His father patted Rong's shoulder. "Are you saying that because she had that breakdown four years ago, her condition is worse this time around?"
Aika nodded. "I'm afraid so. Usually mabui utushi first manifests as depression or extreme sloth and overall lack of energy. Rarely does it reach this stage." She paused. "Forgive me, but by 'four years ago,' do you mean Yunta-I mean- Tadashi's death? I don't want to sound presumptuous or pompous, but is that what spurred that episode?"
"Yeah, that's right," HoroHoro said. His eyes drifted to the ground, almost squinting before shutting. He held Rong closer.
"Just one more reason he's a shithead," Hana muttered.
Having been silent, Lien finally stepped forward. "That's enough, Hana. We get it – Tadashi played a large part in this." She took a deep breath and placed her hand on her sternum. "But so did I. We wouldn't be up here if I hadn't run away. If you're going to be mad at him I deserve some of that wrath as well."
Hana looked back at the heiress. After staring at her, he frowned. "Fucking forget it." He turned back around. The hand on Lien's sternum clenched into a fist.
If only I hadn't followed Huan. If only I hadn't insisted on staying and trying to save Tadashi. Her eyes burned. If only I hadn't acted on my desires…none of this would have happened. I should have just accepted Tadashi's feelings…
She sniffed and wiped her nose with her arm. When she looked up again, Aika's eyes were giving her a small smile of gratitude. Lien did her best to return it.
Aika continued. "As I alluded to before, her having died exacerbated the separation of her mabui from her body. If anyone else connected to tonight's ordeal has suffered a similar episode of severe depression, I suggest you watch over them vigilantly. It's possible that their mabui could also be lost."
The group looked at each other.
"Pin-Mei."
They turned to see Ren coming up behind his daughter. Rong and HoroHoro nodded. "We were thinking the same thing," Rong said.
Lien looked back and forth between the three. "Mama? I know she can be very emotional, but why would she be more likely to get sick like this?"
Ren closed his eyes, then looked at her. Rong saw his gaze.
"You never told her..." she whispered.
Lien glanced at her. "Told me what?" She looked up at her father again. "Papa?"
He sighed, his eyes drifting. "It took a long time for her to become pregnant with you…and Ren… There was a time when it was believed that she could never have children. To say it killed her doesn't even begin to describe how much it crushed her. I tried to tell her otherwise, but she was convinced that being infertile meant she was useless and unlovable.
"She hit rock bottom, ultimately falling into a deep depression. She was like an empty shell, only murmuring every once in a while. Usually to apologize to me for "being useless." It was a very dark period, but she was able to fight through it. In March of 2007, she told me she was pregnant."
His daughter smiled. A happy ending, just what she needed to hear. But Ren's eyes were still fixed on the ground, and it quickly faded. She stopped.
Three…plus eight…
Her eyes widened and she clasped her hands over her mouth. She looked up at her father.
"Less than two weeks later, she woke me, hysterical. She had miscarried." He could see Lien's eyes filling with tears. "She had been almost six weeks along."
Rong's throat tightened and she bowed her head. She could still hear Pin-Mei's voice through the phone as she recounted the horror of waking up to bloody sheets. An exam by one of the Tao family's doctors had confirmed it, but couldn't determine the cause.
"She blamed herself," Ren continued. "No matter what I said, she was convinced that she was a bad mother, and the culprit had been a piece of cake the night before. She was almost scared to try again. I had to distract her as much as possible while her body healed itself. Her heart eventually followed suit, and we tried again."
He closed his eyes, the smallest of smiles forming. "In early July, she finally told me she was pregnant again." He opened his eyes. They were listless, as if he could see and hear her telling him the wonderful news. "Being a mother has always meant everything to her. She talked about it even when we were just teenagers." He glanced up at Aika. "That's why I know losing both Ren and Niu-Nai is going to tear her to shreds even moreso than Lien and myself. It's selfish, but I need to ask you all to help m– no – help Pin-Mei and do everything we can to make sure she doesn't end up like Xue."
There was silence. The Usuis were already dealing with a comatose Xue, and now they were being asked to carry the burden of making sure Pin-Mei's mabui didn't leave her. Ren knew it was a tall order, but…
"I don't know what I can do, but I'll help," Seta said, raising his hand as if he were in class.
Rong nodded. "We'll help them both. Helping Pin-Mei will surely help us figure out how to save Xue, and vice versa."
They all looked to Aika.
"So how can Xue's mabui be restored?" HoroHoro asked.
The yuta finally looked at him. "To restore one's mabui, the person should be given a personal item of theirs, or sat in a favorite chair, or experience another comfort of home. Considering that is miles away, I imagine this will be difficult."
The Usuis looked at each other. Xue didn't visit often enough to leave any of her things behind.
"The other way is if she is in contact with a spirit she is close to, and if that spirit can coax her back to her body."
"So it's not anything we can solve right now, then," Rong said.
Aika shook her head. "Unfortunately."
Rong clenched her fists. "Then what about preventing mabui loss? What can we do for Pin-Mei?"
"Prayers and tokens should be offered to the gods. This is something usually carried out by the matriarch, but since she is the one in need of the gods' assistance, I can carry out those duties.
"That's it-pray?!"
Aika closed her eyes. "There is one other option – mitigate the damage."
Ren folded his arms. "As in, prevent additional loss? It's a bit late for that."
"Is it?" She opened her eyes and looked past the Tao head.
That's when he felt an extremely faint furyoku signature. He looked to where he had left a now sleeping Pin-Mei and Li – with the bodies of Chun and Niu-Nai. "He's…He's still alive!" He sprinted back over to them, the others following. Ren knelt down and carefully took the boy from his mother's lap. He gave him a gentle shake. "Niu…Niu-Nai…Can you hear me?"
To (almost) everyone's surprise, the boy slowly opened his eyes, but only slightly. "Hey…sup?"
Lien clasped her hands together. "Thank the gods…"
Ren held him close. "Have you really been suffering all this time?"
"Yeah…heh heh…Kinda stubborn like that…"
Ren looked around frantically. "We have to heal him! He might not make it if we wait until we get b—"
"Don't."
He froze, then looked down at his son. "W…What?"
Niu-Nai shook his head. "Don't. Don't heal me."
"But why?!" Lien cried.
He looked over at the body of the little girl. "Da-Xia's gone…isn't she?"
Ren glanced at Li, who checked Chun's pulse. She shook her head.
"Yes."
"Then can you just…Let me go too?"
"Of course not! Why would I just stand by and watch you die if there's a chance to save you?!"
After a moment of hesitation, Aika spoke. "It is possible to allow him to pass and have it be of some benefit."
Ren turned to her. "What do you mean?"
"Similar to the spell I performed to revive all of you, it may be possible to sacrifice his soul for that of your eldest."
Lien couldn't stop herself from grabbing her arm. "D-Do you really mean that? Can you bring Niisama back?"
Aika gently removed her. "Possibly. I've never done it before, though. Of course, I had never done the revival spell, either."
Lien looked at her little brother. "But wait…you said sacrifice…"
Ren swallowed. "So Niu-Nai dies, and Ren is revived?"
Aika nodded. "It's purely your decision. Of course, it is best to do it while the deceased's body is still 'fresh,' so to speak."
Ren looked over at his eldest son, then down at his youngest. He could sacrifice one to save the other, but would Ren's personality be whole when he awakened? Or would he be begging for death again?
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pin-Mei sleeping soundly against the tree. This could prevent another tragedy; he could save his wife from becoming a despondent, empty shell once again. There was no guarantee, of course. Niu-Nai was still her little boy, one she doted on quite frequently and was often at her side. But it was better than losing both…wasn't it?
He looked at Sheng, Seta, and Hana. Then to Rong and HoroHoro. Then to Lien. His daughter was watching him, her face pale, a horrified expression on her face. His gaze shifted to Ren, whose body lay a few meters away.
With a shudder, he turned to look behind him at Pin-Mei. Finally, his gaze trailed to Niu-Nai in his lap. The boy's eyes pleaded with him.
Ren's eyes burned. He squeezed them shut.