Happy Ren Day, everyone! Today is Ren's 33rd Birthday! I thought what better way to celebrate than by releasing a chapter I scrambled to finish? It's even 33 pages!
I wrote half of this about two years ago. Then I decided that I wanted more fluff, and wrote the other half a couple months ago. I'm writing more now, and I have to say I'm so much happier for it. Luckily, I haven't gotten strange looks for bringing my laptop to work, so this hopefully will continue.
I'm not sure about when the next couple chapters will be released, though. I still have a bunch of things to include in this wrap up (no more fights, but bookends, epilogue-esque things, etc.), and have had to list them all so they aren't forgotten. Plus, I'm now conflicted over whether or not to change the ending I've had planned for, oh, eleven years. I'll try to worry about that a few chapters from now.
That stupidly cheesy line? I know it's cheesiest cheese to ever cheese and it's staying.
CW: Talk about miscarriage.
Notes: Chapter contains cheese, lime, and fluff.
"Baba" is the Chinese word for "Papa" or "Father."
Yes, I know babies aren't this aware/active so soon after being born. Suspension of belief in full effect.
This chapter contains an excerpt from "The Travels of Lao Can," a classic Chinese novel by Liu E.
Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei. Any original characters created for this and any spin-off stories were created by Jezebel Parks
A Gift of Love – Chapter 104: Beloved Treasures
March 23, 2007
"Yes, I'm afraid it's a miscarriage."
Pin-Mei stared at the clipboard as hard as she could. It was all she could do to prevent a mental breakdown as she sat on the edge of the examination table. Ren placed a hand on hers, his other on her back.
"The good news is that it looks like the fetus was completely expelled, so we don't have to expose the cervix to any further trauma."
"What did I do to cause it…?"
The doctor paused. "Unfortunately, there are numerous reasons why the miscarriage may have occurred, and when one happens this early in the pregnancy, it's much harder to determine why. Many of them are out of your control, so I wouldn't blame yourself."
Ren gently patted her. "See? I told you - it's not your fault."
She said nothing. She dipped her head, mumbling something.
The physician leaned over. "Hm?"
Ren's hold on her tightened. "Will she be able to have children at some point, or does this mean she's still infertile?"
The doctor gave her a sympathetic look. "There's no real way to tell, not just from this at least. We could run additional tests, but her body needs to take this time to heal, not be probed more.
He nodded. He knew Pin-Mei wanted answers, but they were caught in yet another instance in which none were available. After some silence, the doctor ripped a slip of paper from her pad and handed it to Ren.
"No sexual activity for at least three weeks. There may be some spotting and cramping. After her next cycle…"
Ren just looked over at his fiancée. Her eyes were blank, tears slowly and silently falling from them. She clutched his hand tightly.
"I'm so sorry."
"What?"
Pin-Mei looked up at him, her cheeks pink. "I…I'm ready…I want to try again." She bowed her head, eyes shifting up at him. "Is that okay?"
Ren gave her a soft-eyed smile. "Of course." The smile became sly as he watched her face become a deep red. Her eyes darted about the room as he approached her. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you've become quite the little nymphet. Quite the far cry from the cherub I was betrothed to a few years ago."
She fidgeted more. "N-N-N-No! It's-It's just that I…I um…really want this and—" She froze, looking up at him. He was tilting his head with mischievous grin. "Wait! That sounds like I'm just using you! It's really not like that I wouldn't want it if it wasn't with you because I love you so much and having a family is one way to show that I mean children are a symbol of love between two people and I love you plus you're handsome and beautiful and so our children would be-WILL BE!"
As she babbled on, Ren leaned over her, bracing his left hand against the wardrobe to support himself.
"…Not that I'm only attracted to your body of course not I love you for who you are but I have to admit your body is nice too and that's probably another reason why I enjoy it so much and—" She covered her face. "OH GODS I SAID IT OUT LOUD! I'm so sorry I just I—"
He brushed the strands of black from her hand-covered face. His hand ran through her hair, gently grasping a lock of it and stroking the soft fibers with his thumb. She didn't even react.
"I'm supposed to be a good wife and look at how shameful I'm being oh gods should I even be trying to have children when I can't set a good example for them but at the same time I want this so badly so—"
He pulled her hands down from her face and leaned in and kissed her. When they parted, their eyes locked. "So let's get started." He kissed her again, then leaned up to whisper in her ear. "I prefer to actually fuck you rather than just talk about it."
She let out a whimper, and he smirked. "That's right. That's the only kind of sound you'll be making tonight." He pushed her up against the wall, kissing her again before trailing more down her neck. He caressed her through her nightgown. Finally fed up with it, he pulled it up over her head.
Ren's touch became more and more aggressive, yet gentle at the same time. He exerted the pressure and dominance she loved about him, but took care to avoid hurting her. After six years, he knew every part of her body, down to the pressure points.
She held on to him tightly, though he easily held her up with his strong arms. He freed his left to untie the knot of his pants.
"Wh-What are you doing? We're not going to do it in bed?"
He locked eyes with her, his smirk returning. "You're acting like we're only going to be doing this once."
Her eyes widened, her face burning. "Ren…" She suddenly gasped and clutched him again. "R-Ren!"
He chortled in her ear. "Now then, allow me to do my part so you can do yours."
A few months passed. Ren found himself hoping that Pin-Mei would stop him like she had that one night. He wanted her voice to once again echo in his ears, to leave him speechless for one of the very few times in his life. But there were no signs that they had been successful. His fiancée gave no hints, and neither did her body. For someone who insisted that he didn't care about having children, he spent a considerable amount of time hoping he would.
The other problem was En. They had tried to keep the miscarriage from him so as not to risk him making a big production out of it. Ran and Ren knew better than to allow Pin-Mei to go through with that. But if six months passed and she still wasn't "showing," even his father would catch on.
Ren tried not to let his mind get lost in it all. He focused on his training. It was preparation, he told himself. Once he was strong enough, Pin-Mei would conceive.
It was bullshit and he knew it; a futile attempt to take responsibility for it all.
So day after day, he lifted weights in the gym and practiced his forms outside – even moreso than usual. He barely left enough time to complete his schoolwork. The only advantage to this was that he had little time to see his fiancée's solemn eyes.
Today, however, she came outside and sat on her usual rock, her trusty cooler by her side. Ren looked back at her, and she gave him a weak smile.
"It's been a while since I've watched you, so I decided I would today."
He looked away. "Do as you please." Without paying her the slightest mind, he went back to his forms.
He practiced for much longer than usual that day. Hours passed. He hoped Pin-Mei would give up and go back inside so he wouldn't have to look at those pained eyes again, but she remained on her perch. She clapped every so often, a small smile on her face. As the sun set and their shadows grew longer, Ren's weapon fell to the ground; he couldn't ignore his screaming muscles anymore.
There was a giggle. "Are you done, Dao Dropper?"
He turned to see Pin-Mei coming up to him, bottle in hand.
"It was really nice watching you again. I really should get back in the habit of it." Her voice was shaky, awkward.
She's trying to distract herself. She's trying to be happy for my sake. Guilt was setting in again.
"H-Here," she said in a small voice. She held out a milk bottle to him, her head down. "They're not as cold as usual since we were out here for so long…but…"
"Thanks." He snatched it from her hands, not even glancing at her. He walked over to the armory to put his Kwan Dao away. Once it was safely stowed, he sighed and turned back to return to his fiancée. He stared at the ground as he walked back, absent-mindedly opening the bottle. The cap felt weird in his hand, as though there was a decoration on top but he ignored it.
Sweet milk, make all of this go away. He chugged the bottle, eyes closed.
When he opened them, they narrowed. The bottom of the bottle was a hexagonal shape, not the circular he was used to. He lowered it, screwing the cap back on, then looked for a brand label. There was none. He held it up to his fiancée.
"Where did you get this bottle?" She just smiled awkwardly at him. He frowned, then examined the milk again. What is this decoration anyway? Some sort of promotion?
It had sort of a rounded spike at the top, like a little tongari. It was flexible, moving however his finger pushed against it.
What is-
Ren finally looked at the entire thing. The hexagonal shaped bottle without a label. The strange cap. His eyes widened.
She's… He looked up. "…pregnant…" he said softly. Their eyes met. "You're pregnant," he said a little louder.
Pin-Mei was looking back at him with a blush, her eyes shimmering. She gave a bashful nod.
A smile spread across his face. "You're pregnant!"
He tossed the bottle behind him and ran to her. Ren lifted her up and spun her around before kissing her and holding her close. She sobbed into his shoulder as clutched him. A tear escaped him as well.
"It's okay, Pin-Mei. It's okay now," he soothed.
"I know, I'm just so thankful…so relieved." She sniffled. "It was so hard keeping it from you."
"Hm? Why? How long have you known?"
"I-I'm almost three months along…"
"Three months?!" He released her, surprised. But as he surveyed her body now, he could some semblance of a bump under her clothes. He felt almost foolish for not noticing it.
She nodded. "I just wanted to make sure this time. I didn't want to get too excited in case…" The pain returned to her eyes. They misted, but Ren leaned in and kissed her.
"Be happy. You've been given another chance, so focus on becoming the magnificent mother I know you can be." He stroked her hair, then kissed her forehead and leaned his against it. "And I'll be with you every step of the way."
October 13, 2007
Ren looked up at his reflection as he finished with his fasteners. His gaze shifted to the image of Pin-Mei standing a few feet behind him.
She smiled warmly at him, her hands resting on her pregnant belly. "You look very handsome."
He couldn't even bring himself to reply. This girl – no – this woman was his new wife, his blushing bride, six months pregnant with his child. He had made a point of telling Silva that when he'd first told Ren about the instability of the elemental spirits. Initially, he had refused, but Pin-Mei had practically pleaded with him to go. He had finally and reluctantly agreed on the condition that he could first return Pin-Mei to China. Like hell he was going to leave her in a foreign country to fend for herself.
So there they stood, moments away from parting for only the GS knew how long. He turned to face her, dressed in a new gi which Pin-Mei herself had made – black and gold with some shimmering purple accents. She had started it about a year before as a simple project to distract herself. Little had they known that he would actually be putting it to use.
Ren went to her, watching as she bowed her head and gently stroked her stomach.
"Now, now, don't cry," she whispered. "Baba is going off to save the world. He's going away so he can protect us. That's right, he's so strong that the Patch can only ask him for help, so that's why he has to go. He doesn't know how long he'll be gone, but he'll come back…I know he will…"
The guilt stabbed him as he watched her. He had told her at the beginning of all this that he would be with her every step of the way. He had silently vowed that he wouldn't be foolish as he believed Yi had been and leave her when she needed him most. Yet here he was about to ride off and leave her to endure her third trimester by herself.
He shook his head. "I've changed my mind. I'm staying. I can't leave you alone, not now."
She stopped him as he motioned to undo the fasteners, then mimicked him. "No, we both know that isn't an option." She looked up at him, trying to put on a brave face despite her tears. "You're the only one capable of taming the Spirit of Thunder. That means that even if the others tame their spirits, it might not matter if one of the most powerful ones remains unbalanced."
He opened his mouth to speak.
"And there's no way of knowing if this can wait until after the baby comes." Her eyes softened. "And be honest, Ren – would you be any more willing to leave then?"
His eyes widened, then closed as he grit his teeth. She smiled. "We'll be fine," she said patting her tummy. "I promise." A few sniffles escaped her. "Just take care of yourself. I need you to come back." A weak giggle. "Knowing who his father is, he's probably going to be quite the handful…so I can't do this alone…"
Ren suddenly grabbed her, holding her as close against him as her body would allow. She finally broke down and clung to him, bawling.
"I'll definitely come back, no matter what," he said in a low voice. "Nothing is going to prevent that." He released her and locked eyes. "I WILL be here for the delivery. I absolutely promise you that," he said, giving her gentle shakes. "So when you know he's coming, I want you to call me. I will drop everything and come back. Remember, I bought one of those foolish cell phones just for this, so call me."
"But what if you're—"
"It doesn't matter! I want to be here! It's important! And not just to you!"
Pin-Mei bit her lip as new tears came. "I love you." Her voice was barely a whisper as she hugged him. "I love you so much."
"I know. I love you too," he replied, holding her close again.
She looked up at him. "I'll do it. I'll call you. I'll wait for you. I'll…I'll do anything! Just…just…" She took a deep breath as she tried to steady her voice. "Just promise you'll come back and continue this dream with me."
His eyes softened once again. He stroked her hair. "Of course I will, Pin-Mei." He kissed her. Initially, it was gentle, then became more passionate. He trailed more down her neck, running his hands over her body, caressing it, quelling any fears she may have had that though it had changed, his love for it hadn't.
As it came to an end, Pin-Mei tried to hide her tears behind the sleeve of her hanfu. "I'm sorry…I just don't know how I'm going to handle not being able to see you every day," she whispered hoarsely.
Ren took her left hand and held up his own. Their wedding bands shone in the moonlight. "All you need to do is look right here, and remember this happened." He pressed their palms together. "These rings mean that you and I have an unbreakable bond. No matter how far apart we may be, we will always be together; we will always be connected." Their fingers intertwined. "Look at your ring and know that you're mine, and I, yours."
Their eyes met. Pin-Mei's quivered. "Ren…"
They both stiffened as there was a knock on the door. Jun gingerly entered the room. "Ren, Silva's here."
The couple looked at her, then back at each other. Pin-Mei's eyes were wide and panicked, while Ren had taken on a look of stone – emotionless and cold. He practically threw her hand away.
"Well, I'll be going." He turned to leave, but she grabbed his wrist.
"I-I'm walking out with you!"
He didn't even look at her. "Suit yourself." He continued on his way, going at a brisk pace that barely allowed her to keep up.
His sister watched them, her eyes softening. "Oh Ren…" She followed them outside, where the rest of the clan, along with a brigade of Jiang Shi holding "Good Luck" banners, had assembled to see their scion off.
"Take care of yourself, Ren," his mother said. She handed him a new scarf just as gold and dazzling as the one he had worn during the Shaman Fight. Without even so much as a thank you, Ren put it in the pack attached to Hakuoh's saddle.
By this time, Pin-Mei had come to the same realization Jun had for his sudden change in demeanor. She adopted a cheery smile and approached him. "Good luck, Darling," she said softly. She smoothed out the chest of his coat and tidied his bangs, which had been messed up by the wind. "Be safe. Come back to me."
He scoffed at her with a snort. "You think I'm so weak that I would die if I left your side for a few moments? Fool." His tone was that of a scolding school master. "You'll see." With that, he shook her off, then turned and mounted his horse. "Let's go, Hakuoh, Bason."
"Yes, Bocchama!" Hakuoh brayed in agreement.
With a closed eye smile, Pin-Mei looked to the Patch. "Please don't let anything happen to him, Silva."
The priest couldn't help giving her a look of pity. Behind that smile, those closed eyes were hiding tears she was desperate not to show, to pretend she was nothing but proud and excited to see her husband chosen to leave on such an important journey. He glared at Ren.
The Tao side-eyed him. "How much more of my time do you intend to waste?"
Frowning, Silva turned his attention back to the mother-to-be. She had been happy, bouncy even, when he had first seen her. Ren had held her protectively, insisted she stay, refused to go with him, citing her pregnancy as his main reason. Now, he refused to so much as look at her. It almost didn't make sense. Almost.
Pin-Mei opened her eyes, showing him the tears she had been so desperate to keep from her husband. "He's the most important thing in the world to me, after all, so I'd be very grateful if you'd look after him for us."
He saw Ren grip Hakuoh's reins tightly, his head slightly bowed. He sighed, then turned back to her.
"I think you know that Ren won't accept help from anyone, including myself," Silva said finally. He gave her a small smile. "But take comfort in the fact that he will be among people who care about him, just as you do. I'm sure that should he encounter any danger, they will come to his aid."
Pin-Mei closed her eyes and tilted her head, still forcing a smile. "Yes, of course." She wiped her eyes with her sleeve, then approached Hakuoh, walking softly as if to prevent spooking the stallion. Her heart tightened when she saw that he was intentionally looking away. "Ren…"
Nothing.
"I love you. Take care of yourself." She subconsciously touched her stomach. "We'll be here for you when you come back." A small giggle escaped her.
Ren abruptly took off down the mountain, not saying a single word in return. Pin-Mei's eyes were wide for a moment as the action registered with her. Then she wiped her eyes again and faced forward, waving her left arm in farewell, a big smile on her face.
"Good luck, Darling! I'll be praying for your success! Not that you need it! I know you can do it! We'll see you when you get back! Bye-Bye! Take Care!"
As she went on, Silva turned to the rest of the family. "I'll bring him back as soon as possible – whenever that may be." He took off after Ren using his oversoul.
Pin-Mei continued to wave until the two men were out of sight. Just as they disappeared over the farthest ridge, she lowered her arm then extended it, as if fruitlessly reaching out to pull him back.
"Well, there he goes," she said quietly. Her voice was a rasp, barely audible. "Ren…"
Hearing the cracking in her voice, Jun came up next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Like you said, he'll be back." She tried to give her sister a smile to lift her spirits.
Ran appeared at her other side. "He'll be back stronger than ever, with a loving wife and son waiting for him."
Pin-Mei looked at them for a few seconds, then back over the mountaintops that now separated her from her beloved. Moments later, her eyes filled with tears again. All at once, she latched on to Ran and howled, burying her face in the woman's chest. Jun patted her and her mother stroked the girl's hair, knowing there was little they could say to quell her sadness.
It wasn't just that Ren was gone, but that he was gone, and she had never needed him more.
January 12, 2008
Ren breathed heavily as he fell to his hands and knees. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, then pushed himself up to a kneeling position. He looked Houraiken in his left hand. The weapon was still glowing slightly, electrical charges sparking every so often.
"Well done, Tao Ren," Silva said from behind him. "The Spirit of Thunder's power has been mollified. It is now yours to wield as you wish."
The scion looked up at the large crystal which now housed the elemental. It had taken months of training, meditation, fighting, and failed attempts to bring his spirit under control. Now finally, it slept until he felt it was its time to rise once again.
"Foolish thing," he muttered, getting to his feet. "At least you now understand who your master is."
Just as he attached Houraiken to his side, a shrill ring met his ears. He snapped his head over to where his belongings were. It should be almost 4am in Guizhou. She never calls around this time. He froze. Th-That means…!
He sprinted over and dug the phone out of his satchel. "Pin-Mei?"
"H-Hey…" came a weak voice from the other end. "Sorry to interrupt your trip…"
"Never mind that. What's going on? Why are you up?" He could hear a lot of bustling in the background. She gave a couple light pants before she spoke.
"Ren…It's happening."
He swallowed. "It's happening?"
"My water broke…The baby's coming."
His eyes were wide, almost as though he had forgotten about the labor and birthing, that she wasn't simply going to be pregnant forever, or suddenly cease being so.
"Are Jun and my mother there with you?"
"Yes. We're in the medical wing now."
He nodded. At least he could find some comfort in knowing they were there for her.
"And the baby seems like he's fine? He's still moving?"
"Yes, a lot, actually."
"Th-That's good." His mind was racing as he tried to work through everything he had read over the months.
"Make sure you eat something before everything starts, and drink a lot of water."
"I will."
"Above all else, just STAY CALM. OKAY?"
He could have sworn he heard a light chuckle. "Yes, Darling."
"Just listen to the nurses and my mother, and you'll be fine, alright?"
"Alright."
"I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm leaving now."
Once he had hung up, he turned to Silva. "If you're quite finished taking up my time, my wife needs me." Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed his things and started down the mountain to where Hakuoh awaited him.
Yoh met him about halfway down. "Hey, Ren! Did you just finish up too? We're all going to grab some food to celebrate, so why don't you—"
"I have more important things to do than get drunk and stuff my face."
Yoh smiled as the Tao ran by him. "Oh, right. Hehe. You have Pin-Mei waiting for you."
Ren didn't even bother replying. He already had his phone out, queuing his private plane to be at the nearest airport, then a bullet train to transport Hakuoh.
Just hold on, Pin-Mei. I'll be there soon.
January 14, 2008
"Would you like to hold him, Master Ren?"
He looked up at the nurse holding his son, who had finally been cleared to leave the Intensive Care Unit.
"Yes."
He slowly took the newborn into his arms, cradling him as he had seen those around him do. The baby's eyes were shifting about the room, as if trying to make up for lost time. Ren gently stroked his cheek before looking to the nurse.
"He's stable enough to take back to Pin-Mei? You're sure he'll be fine?"
She nodded. "He'll need to drink formula instead of breast milk, but otherwise, yes, he'll be perfectly fine."
He let out a small sigh as he looked at the child. Good. I can't allow anything else to happen to you.
"You can carry him to her room if you like."
His eyes didn't leave his son. "I think I will." He looked up at her, his mouth making a few awkward shapes before he could produce the words. "Thank you for taking care of him."
As he walked down the corridor, he found his eyes fixed on the infant. Ren II's eyes were toward the ceiling, following the lights that passed overhead. The heart Ren had steeled before leaving on his journey had melted upon returning and seeing his wife in her vulnerable state. Now, watching the innocence of the small being he'd helped create, his hold became a bit firmer; still gentle, but more protective. A small, wistful smile appeared on his face. His heart opened up, a silent bond of warm energy connecting the two. The sharp eyes of Tao Ren softened.
He looked up when he approached Pin-Mei's room. The lights had been shut off, but he could see mother and daughter sleeping soundly; Lien attached to her mother's breast, Pin-Mei cradling her loosely in slumber with the help of a cloth sling. He couldn't stop the small laugh that came out. The tiny girl may have looked like him, but she clearly took after her mother in some respects.
"Little pests."
Just as he took a seat next to the bed, a nurse came in holding a bottle. "Here, Master Ren." She held it out to him. "Bocchan will need to drink formula since he's allergic to Mistress's breast milk. We will be supplying it for you."
Ren nodded and slowly took it from her. He looked from the bottle to the baby, as if trying to figure out how the two went together. Finally, he brought the bottle close enough for the infant to take the nipple into his mouth, and began to drink. The new father's body relaxed slightly.
"Well done, Master Ren," she said, clapping quietly.
He gave the best scoff he could. "Hmph. Any idiot can do this. It's hardly worth recognizing."
The woman sighed. "Of course, of course." She bowed. "I'll come check on Mistress and the twins in a little while. Let us know if you need anything in the meantime." When he didn't acknowledge her, she smiled, then quietly left, closing the door on her way out.
With no other distractions in the room, Ren was able to take in the various sounds that enveloped it. The sound of his wife and daughter sleeping peacefully. The small whines Lien would let out. The various beeps and hums of the machines endlessly monitoring the young mother. The sound of little Ren suckling on the bottle. If Ren held his breath, he could hear a heartbeat.
He looked to Pin-Mei, then Lien, then to Ren in his arms. It wasn't just a bunch of sounds overlapping – vexing and unimportant. His throat tightened a little, and he gasped for a breath of air. The reality dawned on him, and he was trying to keep his eyes from burning as it all sunk in. This was the quiet symphony of life around him. Of love. Of his…
Family…This is…my family…the one I created. He looked to Pin-Mei. The one we created.
Memories of his younger self – the dark, merciless Ren who only thought of gaining power and bringing death, who had never given a single thought to girls or dating, much less becoming engaged. His heart had been smothered in pain, obsessed with revenge. Even after he'd befriended Yoh and had a change of heart, his mind had been preoccupied with forging his own path, vowing to bring change to the Tao Family legacy. Now, he was creating that change in a way he'd never expected.
"I'll protect you. All of you. I'll let Ren and Lien have the childhood I never did. I'll raise you both to be strong, smart…happy. I'll be the father he never was."
He looked down at his child. The tyke let go of the bottle, as if knowing he should be listening.
"You won't have to bear the burden I did, to feel the pain of having hatred carved into you. I'll spare you from all that. I'll protect you with everything I am. I promise."
He smiled down at his son as he placed the bottle on the nightstand. When he used his freed hand to stroke the baby's cheek, another, smaller hand grasped his ring finger. Their eyes met.
His son smiled.
September 13, 2014
"Good night Lien, my darling flower. I love you. Sweet dreams."
"Good night, mama!"
Pin-Mei kissed her daughter, then walked around to the other side of the bed, passing Ren along the way. Their eyes met, and she gave him a cutesy smile which he seemed to see, but ignore. She arrived at her son's bedside.
"And good night to you, Ren, little emperor," she said. "I love you."
The little boy smiled bashfully. "I love you too, Mama!"
She smiled at him, then gave him a hug and a kiss as well. "Sweet dreams." She stroked his hair and stood, joining her husband at the door.
"Good night, my beloved treasures. We love you. Tomorrow, we'll love you even more." She looked over her shoulder at Ren.
He nodded. "See you both in the morning." He shut off the light, and she gently closed the door.
Outside, she turned to him. "See? I knew you could do it," she whispered.
There was a hint of pink on his cheeks as he swiveled and began walking down the hall. "You've been saying that for almost two weeks. Did you really think me incapable of showing my children love?"
His wife giggled. "No, of course not. You just seemed really uncomfortable the first few times."
"Stop with your nonsense."
She clung to his arm and he ushered them to the study to wind down before going to bed themselves. She let go as they entered, allowing Ren to scan the shelves for the night's new read. With a small smile, she watched him, her hands tightly clasped in front of her.
"I…really like seeing you with them."
He glanced over at her, then continued scanning. "One would be concerned if you didn't."
"Right…" She shifted her weight. "What kind of book are you looking for?"
"I'm leaning toward something classic."
She thought for a moment. "H-How about Dream of the Red Chamber?"
"Already read that recently."
"The Fortunate Union?"
"That too."
"The Plum in the Golden Vase?"
He paused. "Excuse me?"
She covered her mouth. "Sorry…"
"What's next – The Carnal Prayer Mat?" he scoffed. "Is there a reason you want me reading such explicit things? I'm hoping you're just repeating titles you've heard, not ones you've actually read." He went back to walking along the shelves, pointer finger out.
She watched him, her hand slowly leaving her mouth. He was getting too far away from her. Timidly, she followed him.
"I know it's around here somewhere…"
Her throat was tight. She wrung her hands. "Ren…" she squeaked.
"I saw it recently, I'm sure…"
"Ren…" a little louder.
"Aha!"
She cleared her throat. "Ren."
He placed his finger atop the spine of a tall book. "Here it—"
"I want another child."
Ren pushed down on the tome to take it out, but it slammed onto the edge of the shelf and began to fall. He juggled it a few times before finally grabbing it. He looked at Pin-Mei, eyes slightly wide.
"You what?"
She tried not to waver. "I want to have another baby with you. I want a third child."
He slowly laid the book on the shelf. "What brought this on?"
"Just…seeing you with the twins. You have so much love to give, and I think they bring out a side of you that's even more beautiful and enamoring than the one I fell in love with." Her face got hot. "Also…and I suppose I'm pretty selfish…but I love having children with you."
He turned to her fully now. "What does that mean?"
She fidgeted. "I loved being pregnant, knowing that I was blessed with the child of a man so strong and kind and smart." Her voice quivered, and her eyes began to burn. "It'd hard to explain. But I said that I'd help you rebuild your family, so that involves having children, right?"
Ren folded his arms and smirked. "So, when do you intend to stop? How many is enough for you?"
She was silent for a moment. "Seven?"
"SEVEN?!"
"Um…Five?"
"Five, she says…"
"Twelve?"
"Why'd you go up?!" He face-palmed, dragging the hand down his face and looking around. "Gods…"
She looked at the ground. "As many as you'll give me." Ren was looking at the carpet, hand over his mouth, shaking his head as the nightmarish vision played in his mind. Pin-Mei's heart felt so hollow. After growing up so lonely, she had always wanted a large family. But the more she thought about it, the harder she found to rationalize it.
"Even just one would make me so happy and grateful," she whispered. "You don't need to make a decision right now…I just wanted to bring it up…let you know I've been thinking about it…"
Silence. Ren's eyes eventually reverted to their original size, but he still said nothing. She took a deep breath.
"Well, um, I'll leave you to your reading." She forced a smile. "Sorry to disturb you, Darling. G-Good night."
Just as she was about to leave the study, Ren grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, trapping her in his arms.
"Don't tell me you want my child and then run away. What kind of sense does that make? Fool."
She rested her head on his chest. "I didn't want you to think I was trying to force you into it by crying."
He let out a chuckle. "Hardly a day goes by where you don't cry for one reason or another, so I'm used to it by now."
She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "You're so mean…meanie."
He ended the embrace and leaned over in a slightly taunting manner to meet her eyes. "And you want another child from this so-called meanie?"
She tensed, looked away, blushed, then looked back at him with a listless smile. "Yes. More than anything."
He smirked. "Well, if you want one so badly…"
Her eyes lit up. "You mean-!"
"One more," he said holding up a finger, then made a slashing motion. "Then that's it. No more. We're done."
Pin-Mei let out a small shriek and hugged him. "Oh, Ren! I'm so happy! Thank you so much! Thank you thank you thank you thank y—!"
He wriggled from her grasp, but she just clasped her hands together and stared off into her new dreamy future.
"Yes, we can have ONE more child, on one condition." The finger appeared again.
His wife stopped. "Okay, what is it?"
A rather smug smile appeared as he folded his arms. "I get to name them."
Her hands went to her cheeks. "Them…we could have twins again…Hehehe…"
"That is NOT what I meant – we just don't know if it'll be a boy or a girl."
"Twins…That would make four…"
"We'd be sending one back."
Her bubble burst. "What?!"
Ren's hand shot out between them. "You get one more child, but I get to name it. Deal?"
Pin-Mei blinked at it, wondering why this would require a handshake. Ah well, as long as she was getting what she wanted, what did it matter? She beamed.
"Deal!"
She reached out and grasped his hand. The shake he gave was firm, as if this were some sort of business merger.
He suddenly yanked her close and into a kiss. Their hands were still squeezing each other tight.
"Let me know when you'd like to get started."
March 18, 2015
"Ren."
"Hm."
"I-I think I heard something."
"That was the floor creaking. The castle is centuries old you know."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. Three hundred and thirty-three percent."
It had been about two weeks since the night of Ren II's rampage, death, and revival. The Usuis had returned to Japan, and the Tao family was attempting to pick up the pieces of their daily lives. The twins were homeschooled for a week to ensure that the young heir was back to some semblance of "normal."
Pin-Mei fussed about the children even more than she had before. Did they eat all of their breakfast? Lunch? Dinner? Was that dessert too sugary for them? Absolutely no milk for Ren II – why even chance it? It was 8:33 – why were they not already asleep? They made a sound in the middle of the night; were they having a nightmare? Was it the beginning of another horrific night?
"I should go sleep with them I should—"
Ren gripped her arm as she motioned to sit up. "Pin-Mei, no. You stay here. If I hear something, I promise you I'll sprint down to their room. I even placed my Kwan Dao at the door, you see?" He pointed to the space to the left of the door frame where the blade was being held in a newly installed rack.
Still, she was trembling. "I'm not doing enough there should be something I should be doing for them how can I sleep at a time like this what kind of mother am I—"
"PIN-MEI," he said more forcefully. He tried to firmly yet gently grip both shoulders. "You're working yourself up. You're beyond exhausted; I can see it in your face. You need sleep."
"But—"
"Are you telling me that you don't trust me to protect our children? Furthermore, that you don't care about protecting the one you actually can?"
Her face became horror-struck. He knew it was a low blow, but it was probably the only way she would listen to him. Her body slackened, her head drooping.
"No…I do love him…I do…"
Seeing her abandon her attempts to leave the bed, he released her, now using his hand to caress her shoulders and neck. "I know you do, and I understand why you're so anxious. Just leave the twins to me, alright?"
"Alright…"
Ren could hear the lump in her throat. He moved closer to her, and she switched to laying on her left side, allowing him to spoon her from behind. His ministrations continued as he whispered in her ear.
"I love you."
She sniffled. "I love you too, Ren."
The following morning was when the twins would be returning to school. They had excused Ren II's leave as severe pneumonia, followed by Lien catching it. It was a shaky lie, but enough to satisfy the headmaster.
After they had left, Ren woke his wife and carried her to the veranda. After taking in the sunlight, he set her on the cushioned bench next to him, then took out the book they had been reading and resumed where he had left off.
"'Through her tears, Mrs. Yŭ told her father of the sudden calamity. When Wu Chu-Jen heard it, he shook all over and still trembling said, "To offend this "Baneful Star" is a most dangerous matter! I'll go right away and see what can be done!' He hastily put on his clothes and went to the fu yamen to ask for an interview.'"
As he read aloud to her, he noticed the small whimpers she was letting out along with her fidgeting. He gently reached around and placed his hand on her shoulder.
"How are you feeling today?"
She nestled closer to him. "I'm…fine. There's just more pain today for some reason…"
He put the book down and took her hand in his. "Let's take a break."
"No, it's all right. I'm okay. You can keep g—"
"Pin-Mei."
"Uguu…"
"Look at me."
She complied. Ren's eyes were the mixture of soft sternness he had adopted in the last few months. He knew she was attempting to put on a brave face the same way she had during her first pregnancy. "I'm here this time, so you're not going to refuse my help." Now, he wasn't going to allow her to suffer, not if he had anything to say about it. "Tell me what hurts."
"…My back."
"Upper or lower?"
"Lower."
Ren moved his hand to the small of her back. "Here?"
"Yes."
"Alright, then." He rubbed it for a few minutes, but she was still restless. "Do you need a heating pad?"
Silence.
"Maybe."
"Pin-Mei."
"…Yes, please."
He smirked at her. "Now was that so hard?"
Her eyes drifted. "I just don't want to be a bother to you." She allowed her head to droop. "So many things have happened, and it feels selfish of me to complain about pain I practically begged for."
Ren reached over and brushed some pieces of hair from her hair, then cupped her cheek and gently coaxed her to look at him again. "No matter if you believe you've brought pain upon yourself or not, there's no way I'm going to allow you to suffer through it. Especially when I'm half responsible for it."
Her eyes shined. "Ren…" She smiled. "Thank you for taking care of me."
He tilted his head, giving her a soft-eyed smile. "Of course."
They kept each other's gaze before their lips joined in a tender kiss. It ended abruptly when Pin-Mei pulled away and shuddered, another whimper escaping. Ren stroked her hair a few times, then stood.
"I'm going to get you a water bottle. I'll be right back." He placed his hand on her head, just as he had when they were younger.
She gave him a small smile. "Okay…Thank you, Ren."
He patted her, then opened the sliding door and entered the castle.
The servants had been instructed to keep multiple heating pads ready, and even more hot water bottles to help soothe their Mistress's pain. In order to have stock in various locations, the kitchen and servants' chambers both had some on hand. Being on the bottom floor, Ren headed for the kitchen. When he got there, however…
"A thousand apologies, Master Ren! We haven't had a chance to refill and reheat the bottles here. The servant responsible is absent and—"
"You're the head of the kitchen," the scion snapped. "At the end of the day, you are responsible for making sure all tasks are completed. Or am I misunderstanding something?"
The other man's face went pale. "No! Of course not! You are so very right, Master Ren!"
"Of course I am. But as I'm here reminding you of your job description, Pin-Mei is waiting for some relief."
"Well, I…uh…"
A red-haired maidservant appeared. "Just a moment, Master Ren!" she called. She turned and rang a bell, then picked up a receiver. "We need a water bottle and heating pad for Lady Pin-Mei. Have someone grab them and meet us in the kitchen, posthaste!"
Mere moments later, Li appeared with the two in her arms. She bowed. "Would you like for me to carry these to My Lady, Master Ren?"
He shook his head. "That won't be necessary, Li. We're just resting on the veranda."
"Very well. Apologies for the wait." She bowed again and presented the provisions to him. He took them, gave her a nod, and went on his way.
He didn't sprint, but his pace was brisk. After the horrific incident barely two weeks before, Ren found himself thankful to have something joyous to overshadow it. True, Pin-Mei's second pregnancy had been considerably more stressful than the first, but he had been there the entire time, just as he had wanted to be before. When it was time, he would be right beside her, not half a world and day away. Better yet, they could share this miracle with the twins. Despite not having been overly enthusiastic in the beginning, Ren could feel that excitement welling up in his heart again.
A little more than a month now…
He rounded the corner to the foyer leading to the veranda, cradling the bottle and pad like the child they were expecting. A whimper met his ears. Choked sobs followed. He looked up. His eyes widened.
Pin-Mei was on her knees clutching the edge of the sliding door with her right hand while the left rested on her stomach. Her eyes were squeezed shut as she tried to breathe. Ren tossed the items and ran to her.
"Pin-Mei!" he cried as he knelt down. His arms were open, trying to figure out the best way to lift her in her current state. "What's going on? Why are you in here?"
She opened her eyes and looked at him. The relief they showed was like that of crying lost child who had just spotted their parent. "R-Ren!" More tears came as she reached out to him. Her knees wobbled, and she practically fell into his arms. "Ren…" she whispered again.
He embraced her as close as he could. "I'm here now. What is it? What do you need?"
She clutched the front of his shirt, her head leaning against his chest. "My…My water broke."
He froze. Could he have miscounted? Was it really time? He tried to backtrack through the weeks and months before. No, she had told him as soon as she knew, so he wasn't missing anything. "Are you sure? Could it be something else?"
"No!" she cried. "I definitely felt it! It was impossible to miss this time! But…but…" She looked over her shoulder. Ren followed her gaze.
There was a trail of blood from the outside. It was then that he noticed her robes – the skirt was drenched, splattered, and stained with it. But wait, he hadn't been there the last time this had happened. Perhaps this was perfectly normal.
"L-Last time it was clear, all of it! Not a single drop of blood!" she cried. "Something's wrong, Ren! I have to get to the medical wing – we can't let him die!" She clutched her head with both hands. "Not again…Please, gods, not again…"
Ren watched her sob for a few moments, then regained his composure. He couldn't allow her to fall apart, not now. He cupped her face in both hands, gently forcing her to look into his eyes.
"Pin-Mei, listen to me: Now is not the time to break down. We will get through this. No matter what all of this means, we are a position where we can do everything we possibly can to make sure you both come out of this unscathed. But you have to hold on. Don't rile yourself up, don't fear the worst. We will get through this, you hear me?" He gently shook her. "We will get through this."
Pin-Mei quieted as he spoke, biting her lip. "Ren…" She closed her eyes, found a smile to put on, then opened them. "You're right. I'll do my best…" She stroked her stomach. "…For all of us."
He smiled softly. "As will I."
They leaned in for a kiss. Ren wasn't so naïve as to think that kissing her would make their troubles vanish into thin air. Of course not. But anyone watching would be able to tell that the young mother seemed more at ease. Just knowing that someone as capable as Ren, who loved her as much as he did, was there to support her made even the tallest mountains seem like ant hills.
When they ended the kiss, Pin-Mei put on the best face she could manage. "Thank you, Ren. I'm so blessed to have you as my hus—"
"Let's get you to the medical wing." She gave him a knowing smile, but he looked away. "We don't have any time to waste."
He shuffled next to her and motioned to pick her up. She pushed against his chest. "W-Wait! You'll get it on you!"
He ignored her and lifted her into his arms, hold her bridal style. "I doubt it's acidic. I don't want you running anyway." With that, he sprinted down the hall.
Holding onto his shirt, she looked up at him, her eyes still slightly wide. After a few moments, she smiled and leaned against him. Just like in the dream she'd had all those years ago, Ren didn't seem to care getting anything on him, neither blood nor anything else. As long as he was able to take care of her, his clothes could be ripped to shreds for all he cared.
I'm so lucky.
They finally reached the hospital wing. Seeing their mistress drenched in fluid and blood was enough for the nurses to spring into action. Not wasting a moment, they asked for details while dressing Pin-Mei in a hospital gown and surrounding her with the necessary medical equipment. The bleeding continued.
Ren watched as all this was carried out, his arms folded tightly, his body stiff. Once they'd had some time to review his wife's condition, he turned to the head nurse. "What's causing it?"
"We're not sure," the nurse said hesitantly. "This amount of bleeding isn't normal. It's possible the baby is fine and it's just the placenta. It could also be hemorrhaging brought on by stress…"
Ren froze. Dealing with the bullies at school and watching the children she loved so much come home with bruises and black eyes. Having her kind, bashful son suddenly become cold and distant. And most recently, living through the trauma of being hunted by her own child and having to hide from him. Then believing he was dead, and completely drying up her furyoku in order to save him. The servants were not so privy to the last instance, but Ren knew that what had transpired that evening had most likely been the tree branch that had broken her. That was why she fussed about the children so, as if shoving apples down their throats would prevent another hellish night.
Why didn't I see it before? I could see how mentally exhausted her was, but I didn't even consider how it might have affected her pregnancy. She had been without me for her final trimester before having the twins, so I must have thought if that stress didn't break her, neither would this…
Ren's eyes hardened as the self-loathing set in. "What are our options?"
"The best option would be to have the delivery as soon as possible. With the baby out, we can concentrate on and narrow down what is causing the bleeding."
He watched Pin-Mei settle into the hospital bed. He softened slightly as they made eye contact. She gave him a close-eyed smile.
"The baby is early; how is this going to affect his chances?"
"Again, we won't know until we get there. It would be risky to do invasive testing now. Our best chance is to speed up the birthing process and address any conflicts that come up along the way."
Ren unfolded his arms, his fists clenched. "Do what you have to. I'll tell her."
Pin-Mei looked up as he approached, relief apparent on her face. "These pillows are more comfy than last time," she said with weak giggle. Then she looked up at him with wide, hopeful eyes. "What did they say, Ren?"
He sat in a bedside chair and grasped her hand in both of his. She was trying so hard to stay positive. The shaky smile on her face said as much. It killed him.
"Unfortunately, without a lot of invasive testing, they can't nail down what's causing the bleeding." He paused. "But they're saying that it may be stress-related."
She looked like a deer in headlights. "Stressed? Me?" A forced laugh. "What would I have to be stressed about? I'm just your happy-go-lucky airhead, Pin-Mei! HahaHa—" She suddenly shuddered and squeezed his hand again.
A look of pity in his eyes, Ren reached out and cupped her cheek. "It's all right, Pin-Mei. They're going to speed up the delivery. Once the baby is out, we can focus on making sure the both of you are healthy."
She nodded slowly. "Alright." She lifted her head and looked around. "What time is it?"
He glanced about the room and spied a clock on the wall. "Just about noon. Why?"
"Please don't forget to greet the twins when they come home from school. I don't want them to be worried."
He patted her hand. "Yes. Just concentrate on yourself now. I'll take care of Ren and Lien."
She nodded again, the bit her lip. "Everything is going to be okay, right, Ren?" she whispered.
He raised his eyebrows.
"Right?"
He stroked her cheek. "We are doing everything we possibly can. Like I said before, you're in the best possible place."
"But if we have the delivery here now, won't the baby be at risk?" she asked earnestly. "What did they say about that?"
Her eyes were pleading for assurance – assurance he couldn't provide. "We won't know until he's here." She stared at him in horror, then down at her stomach. Her entire body was trembling. He patted her. "Try to stay calm for now. You've done this before - twice, even – and you'll do it again. Let's tackle one thing at a time. And don't forget…" A squeeze of her hand. "I'm right here with you."
A couple hours later, Ren was clutching her hand even tighter. He stood next to her bed, rubbing her shoulder to encourage her. Every so often he would pat her face with a towel. Just as she did last time, Pin-Mei was trying hard to remain silent despite the painful contractions. If a sound was about to escape, she would cover her mouth with her hand to stifle it.
At one point she looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "It hurts so much more this time," she whispered. "Even Lien didn't hurt this much…I'm sorry if I make any…vulgar sounds."
He smiled softly at her and shook his head. "You fool. After all this time, you still don't get it."
She gawked at him, heaving a couple breaths before swallowing. "What do you mean? What don't I get?"
He took the opportunity to pat a towel on her face. "Being my wife doesn't mean hiding your pain." He put the cloth down and brushed the hair from her face, clearing her vision. "It means not allowing that pain to dissuade you. To never give up. To never waver."
Her eyes widened as she stared at him, then new tears quickly filled them. As another contraction began, she gripped his hand harder before letting out a small cry. Louder ones soon followed. He patted her again.
"That's right, let it out. You'll feel better."
Previously, Ren hadn't watched his wife give birth, both out of not wanting to see her in such terrible pain, and frankly not knowing what he was supposed to be doing at the time (and also having to hold Ren as Lien was born). This time, he watched the scene before him, the miraculous culmination of the past seven months. Just before the crowning began, and the pain was at its worst, he stood by her, squeezing her hand and stroking her hair. At one point, she looked up at him with tired eyes, as if seeking validation. Ren looked to the nurse.
"She's almost there. Just a couple more should do it."
He turned back to her. "Hear that? You can do this, Pin-Mei. Keep going."
She nodded at him and continued. Finally, she let out a deep breath, barely audible due to the clapping and cries which erupted at the same moment. Ren patted her with the cloth again before leaning down to kiss her forehead, still smiling softly.
"What…is…"
"It's a boy," he told her.
"Is he…?"
"He seems just fine." He caressed her cheek. "You did wonderfully, Pin-Mei. I'm proud of you."
Even in her exhausted state, she blushed with a small smile. She made a weak attempt to hide part of her face behind a pillow.
"We're going to run some tests on him to ensure he's stable," the doctor said. "The nurses remaining here shall begin tending to Mistress Pin-Mei."
Ren nodded to them. "Good. Proceed." He turned back to the mother. "They're taking care of him, Pin-Mei. We're going to get to the bottom of the bleeding now."
She looked up at him with tired eyes and did her best to nod. Her breathing was labored. Ren swallowed, patting her hand.
Everything is going to be fine, he told himself. They'll pinpoint the cause of the bleeding, then we can concentrate on taking care of the baby.
He saw something out of the corner of his eye. He looked down at the bed to see a wave of red steadily overtaking the white sheets. "Blood," he whispered, horror filling his eyes.
One of the nurses heard him, then also noticed the soiled sheets. "Postpartum hemorrhage!" she called to the others.
The room became even louder. All of the nurses ran about getting more equipment and provisions, consulting one another, calling a full-scale hospital in town in case a transfer was required. All the while, Ren and Pin-Mei's eyes remained fixed on each other.
It's going to be fine…She's going to be fine…
But a memory disagreed with him.
"Mother, what did Hua die from exactly? One doesn't simply pass away from giving birth, after all."
"Well…Hua's body was already so frail. That's why she had so much power; it was a trade of sorts, one she never consented to. When the time came, the contractions appeared to have strained her abdomen beyond repair. She bled both internally and externally. Even then, the doctors couldn't explain why or how contractions alone could have done such damage.
"Some in our circle suspected that the gods were punishing her, assuming she was procreating with the intention of giving birth to another shaman with her same power - or greater – to compete in the Shaman Fight. Not only did they ensure Pin-Mei was born without her mother's talents, but they made Hua pay the ultimate price for her transgressions – transgressions which never crossed the girl's mind. We can only hope that they don't plan to punish Pin-Mei as well, especially since you yourself have gained so much power."
Ren stared at his wife with wide eyes. During her first pregnancy, he had been near obsessed with ensuring that Pin-Mei was free of any and all warning signs that could cause her to suffer the same fate as her mother. Even the tiniest variance had been thoroughly studied and treated if necessary. This time had been different. They'd had the twins to take care of. There had been the school conflicts which he now realized had likely contributed to her current condition. He hadn't done the due diligence his twenty-one-year-old self had.
Is this…my fault?
"Ren."
Her voice brought him back. He looked down at her. Despite her tired expression, she was trying to smile.
"It's all right, Ren," she said. "I'll be okay…But the twins will be home soon. You should go greet them."
Lost, he continued staring at her. "But…"
She let out a weak laugh. "Just say Mommy isn't feeling very well. Hopefully they'll have figured something out by dinner." She squeezed his hand, the released it. "Go on or you'll be late." He didn't move. "Please Ren? For me?"
"We're going to need to operate on her anyway, Master Ren," the surgeon said. "We're going to clear the uterus of any placental traces, then try to encourage some lighter contractions to tighten the blood vessels to stop the bleeding. We will patch up any lesions we find, as well."
Ren reluctantly nodded. They at least had a plan, it seemed. He kissed his wife's hand, then her lips. "I'll be back," he promised.
Pin-Mei nodded with a smile. "I love you."
His hand found her cheek. "And I, you." He turned to leave. "Keep me updated. I want to know everything that is happening. Everything."
The physicians bowed. "Yes, Master Ren."
Leaving the room, he glanced over his shoulder to see Li look up from her station next to the door. "If they dawdle in alerting me of anything, I expect you to take over, Li."
The maidservant crossed her right arm across her chest, her hand in a fist, then bowed. "Yes, My Lord."
Ren began a brisk walk to the front foyer to meet the twins. His mind so clouded that he could barely think straight. It was a sense of paranoia, like he couldn't trust his own medical staff. Many of them were only brought on for the delivery, after all, and would return to their usual hospital once all this was over. He needed a third opinion.
"Faust." His departed comrade appeared above him, floating next to the Tao as he walked. "I know you like to bounce around invading people's privacy when they're undergoing medical treatment; any thoughts?"
When he received no reply, he turned to see Faust and Eliza embracing as they hovered.
"If you're going to make out instead of helping, get out of my sight. I don't have the time for—"
"It's not the placenta."
Ren fell silent. The Tao's doctor had been wrong about at least one aspect of his wife's condition so far. "Then what is it?"
Faust thought for a moment. "Extreme hyper-tension brought about by stress. This caused heightened blood pressure, which would usually make it much harder for contractions to occur. Yet, there didn't seem to be very much difficulty in the birthing process overall. It's quite fascinating, honestly."
"You're not using her as some sort of guinea pig," Ren said sharply. Still, that might explain why she was saying it was so much more painful than last time.
"Alas, that would require a hyoi-gattai. Even then, I rarely find a surgeon of sufficient caliber and required dexterity to serve as a medium."
"Nevermind that. What do you propose I do?"
"While they are incorrect regarding the placenta, encouraging the uterus to contract is as good of a solution as any as long as it does not cause additional undue stress."
"So, the answer is nothing."
"Sadly, yes."
"What a huge help you've been. At least I'm not paying you for this half-baked consultation," Ren grumbled.
"In the meanwhile, should you have any supplements which may help with bleeding or tension, it would be smart to administer some to her."
Of course! Having relied on toxins for centuries, Ren had been forced to memorize every herb, sap, seed, and gill his family grew or otherwise kept in their apothecary. There had to be a combination that would help the blood to clot or offer some other kind of relief.
He nodded to himself. "Something worth considering." A small pause. "Thank you, Faust."
The spirit was momentarily taken aback. He smiled. "It is but a doctor's duty." He turned to his wife. "Come, Eliza." They vanished.
In the newfound silence, Ren sifted through his knowledge of toxins to find something which could be of use. The equation finally came together in his mind, but the problem arose of how to quickly make it and give it to her? If the twins came home to an empty hall, or even with Jun or Li greeting them, they would immediately know something was wrong.
"Ren!"
He looked up to see his sister running toward him. She stopped in front of him, taking a few moments to catch her breath before speaking.
"I heard there were some complications, and she had to give birth prematurely. Is she all right?"
He shook his head. "She's bleeding profusely, and the staff hasn't been able to find a cause or a long-term way to stop it."
"Gods! But what are you doing out here? I thought you would be with her."
"You know Pin-Mei - she's barely conscious and she's still begging me to welcome Ren and Lien home from school."
"That girl, honestly…"
Ren's eyes fell on a notepad situated next to a landline phone. It was there for servants to take notes while receiving orders or directions.
I can't make it myself, but I'm not the only one familiar with the ingredients!
"Jun, I need you to do something for me." He grabbed the pad and began scribbling as fast yet as neatly as he could manage.
"Yes, of course. How can I help?"
He ripped the sheet off and handed it to her. "I need you to go downstairs to the apothecary and gather these ingredients. Combine and crush them, then put it into pill form and bring it to Li. Pin-Mei should be having surgery right now, but tell Li to give it to her as soon as she is able. This should be able help stop the bleeding."
Jun looked it over, then nodded. "Ah, the recipe for restoring Yang balance. I understand. Leave this to me. I'll let you know once I've finished."
He nodded back. "Thank you."
She smiled. "Of course." With that, she ran off to make good on her word. Ren continued on his way.
Despite knowing that Jun was more than capable of adhering to the recipe and giving Pin-Mei what she needed, his mind was still restless. He continually went over it, trying not to second guess himself. No, of course he wouldn't do such a thing. Only fools partake in such foolish foolishness.
His train of though was derailed by the opening of the castle's massive front door. From the light seeping in from the outside ran Lien, her brother strolling in behind her. As if channeling Pin-Mei, Ren forced a small smile. He knelt down and opened his arms enough to receive Lien as she bashed into him. He stood, still holding her.
"Welcome home, Lien, Ren."
She smiled brightly at him. "We're home, Papa!" She looked around. "Where's Mama?"
Ren II stepped up, his eyes silently asking the same question. Their father paused.
"Pin-Mei isn't feeling well right now. She's resting, so she couldn't come greet you."
"Is she okay?!" Lien cried.
Define "okay." Alive? Last I checked, yes. Doing well? Healthy? I can't be so sure. He wasn't one to sugarcoat things with his children, so a little wordplay was necessary. "It's not anything you need to worry about." This was an adult problem; children needn't concern themselves with the mortality of a parent.
Lien seemed to accept this answer, though her frown suggested that she wasn't entirely satisfied with it. "Okay…Can I go see her?"
Ren shook his head. "She needs to rest now. Don't disturb her." There, hopefully this would deter Lien from peeking into her parents' bedroom to "check on" her mother – only to panic upon not finding her there.
"Oh…well…will you look at my drawing, Papa?" Lien asked. Her head was bowed with her eyes peeking up at him, a tactic she no doubt learned from Pin-Mei.
"I will." He put her on the ground. The little girl tore open her backpack and pulled out a sheet of paper.
Holding it out in front of her, she proudly displayed her masterpiece. "See?" she said with a smug smile. "Ms. Yin said it was the best in the class!"
Ren couldn't stop his eyes from softening. His daughter had drawn her family. Lien's crayon counterpart held hands with her brother, who was smiling. Her father and mother were also holding hands, a heart between them. The mother's stomach was round with a small figure inside.
"That's the baby," she explained, beaming. She pointed to a person who appeared to be standing off in the distance, a bit away from the rest of the Taos. "And this is Li. Mama said she's like a part of the family, so I put her in too!"
Ren let a small half chuckle and continued to study her piece. Everything colored inside the lines. Detailed clothing. Different eyes and facial expressions on each. It was Lien's all right. As gifted as the younger Ren was intellectually, when it came to the arts, Lien had him beat.
"Do you think Mama will like it?"
Ren gave a small smile and a nod. "I'm sure she will." He looked over at his son, who was staring at him intently. The boy was either jealous that his drawing wasn't being admired, or he knew that there was more to the situation than his father was letting on. He stood. "Alright. Ren, Lien, go change out of your uniforms, then start on your homework. Hopefully Pin-Mei will be feeling better by dinner."
Lien hopped, a smile on her face. "Okies! C'mon, Niisama!" She ran over and up the grand staircase to their room.
Ren II didn't move. "I'll follow in a minute, MeiMei." The two locked eyes again. "I have some homework questions for Father."
Even after his sister was out of earshot, the staredown continued until…
"What's wrong with Mu Qin?" The boy's tone was sharp, not a hint of concern in it.
His father studied him. What was happening to Pin-Mei still wasn't something children should be dealing with. Furthermore, how does one explain it to a child who had a large hand in the stress that may have caused her condition?
"She's having the baby," he said finally.
"It's early."
"So it is."
The boy's frown grew deeper. "You don't need to spare me the gory details, Father. I'm not Lien."
"Niiiiisamaaaaaa~!"
Ren looked up to see his daughter peeking down at them through the intricacies of the upstairs railing.
"Niisama! I need your help with math! I don't understand this stuff!"
Her brother gave her a death-bringing side-eye that she couldn't see. The patriarch swiveled.
"She's had the baby and is recovering. I'll let you know when you can see her."
With that, he stationed himself near the medical wing to wait for those magic words.
"Master Ren, Mistress Pin-Mei is stable. You may see her now."
Hearing that had Ren nearly sprinting down the hall. Finally. It had been hours. Finally, there was word that she was all right. When he entered, she was already looking up at him.
"I'd know those footsteps anywhere," she said with a small giggle.
Some of the tension left his body as he stood there, taking in the scene. Pin-Mei was sitting up in bed, her hair pulled back. She was mustering a warm, serene visage, but as he neared her, he could plainly see how tired she was.
"How are you feeling?"
She gave a small nod. "Better. The bleeding finally stopped." She tilted her head. "Li gave me some medicine just a little before the surgery. Was that you?"
He folded his arms. "No, that was Jun."
"On your orders?"
"I don't order my sister around."
Pin-Mei smiled. "No, but like me, she'll do anything for you."
He turned his head away to hide his face. "Believe what you'd like."
She laughed. "But really, I felt much better after taking it. Whatever you had her do, thank you. And I'll be sure to thank her as well. I'm so blessed to have you both."
He faced her again. "Just as long as you're all right, that's all that matters."
They held each other's gaze for a few moments, until she readjusted the robe she was wearing to reveal their son. The baby was cradled in her arms, having his dinner. Pin-Mei could see that his gaze had trailed to their child, and she gave a gentle smile, also looking down at the newborn.
"Look, sweetheart – Baba is here to see you," she said in an excited whisper. "Would you like to meet him?" She gave him a coy glance.
Ren came and sat down in the chair at her bedside. Pin-Mei could barely hold in a laugh at the sight of her stern, proud husband scooting his chair closer to her. His eyes were slightly wide, as if he were excited, his arms already reaching out to her.
"Say hello to Baba~!"
Ren took their son into his arms, cradling his so he could face his mother. His wife clapped.
"You remembered how to hold him! Good job!"
He scoffed at her. "Just who do you think you're talking to?"
"Have you been practicing?"
He was suddenly unable to take his eyes off his son. "What kind of fool uses a toy to practice holding a baby?"
She grinned. He must have assumed she hadn't seen him cradling Lián in their bedroom just a few weeks prior. Alas, she had caught sight of the plushie being launched across the room as she opened the door, making an audible "clunk" in the corner of the room. It was that sort of wholesomeness that would make her fall in love all over again.
"I suppose you're right. Silly me."
Watching him cradle the infant, she thought he initially appeared awkward, if not uncomfortable. As the minutes passed, however, he became more relaxed, as if remembering how he had done the same with the twins.
"You've already caused us quite a lot of trouble, you little imp," Ren said suddenly. "I'm telling you right now – I'm the head of the family. I make the rules here. One thing I absolutely will not tolerate is a troublemaking, especially at the expense of your mother."
Pin-Mei watched, slightly dumbfounded at how Ren was pretending to scold the baby when he knew the child couldn't understand him. As he went on, however, her cheeks burned. She felt what he was saying – not to their son, but to her.
"So, I suggest that you straighten up, or I will have to dole out some discipline. Your siblings will tell you that there is nothing they dislike more than an angry father. Furthermore, to prove how remorseful you are, I fully expect your first words to be 'I'm sorry.'" He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, then straightened. "There, starting him off right. I doubt we'll have any problems like this in the future."
"Ren…"
She was looking at him through glossy eyes. He looked at her fully now. Concern was in his eyes, and he reached a hand out to her. "What is it? Does it still hurt somewhere?"
She shook her head. "No, it's not that. I just…" She took a deep breath and smiled. "I'm so happy." More tears came. "All of this – the pain, the bleeding, everything – was worth it just to be able to see you like this. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat…" She wiped her eyes, but stopped and peeked at him over her hand.
Ren smiled, then turned in his chair. "Doctor! There's one more thing you need to take care of up there!"
"E-Eh?! No!" She flailed.
He turned back around, staring at her intently. "Did we or did we not have a mutual agreement that after this there would be no more children?"
Pin-Mei looked at him forlornly with well-honed puppy dog eyes. "We did…but…"
"And do you honestly think I'm going to jump on number four after what this pregnancy did to you? Even if I had been on board with your goal of 33 kids or whatever asinine number you had in your head, there's no way I would ever chance putting you through that again. Not a single chance."
"But…"
He raised an eyebrow at her, his expression still grim. The mother finally relented.
"I understand. I won't ask again."
He let out a sigh of relief. "Thank the gods." The puppy dog eyes hadn't let up. "I'm not being mean. I just am not willing to risk losing you, because I…"
She looked at him expectantly, but Ren freed one hand to cover his mouth for what appeared to be a very forced cough. He looked away, his cheeks a slight shade of red.
"Because we made a deal; that's all there is to it."
His wife pouted, but then looked as though she had an epiphany. "That's right! What name did you choose?"
He glanced up at her. "Hm?"
"His name! The deal was that we could have one more child if you got to name him. So, what name did you choose?" She clasped her hands together, her eyes sparkling.
Ren grinned haughtily. "Oh, you want to know our son's name, do you?" She nodded furiously. "Alright, here it is—"
She held her breath.
"Níu-Năi."
She stared at him. "Níu…Năi…?" She smiled nervously. "That's the name you chose – Níu-Năi?"
Ren nodded. "Yes. I thought long and hard about it. I came to the conclusion that since you named Ren and Lien after your greatest love, I should do the same. Unfortunately, there wasn't a male form of 'Pin-Mei' that I liked, so Níu-Năi was the next logical choice. His name has two parts as yours does, as well as 'I's in the middle of the first, and end of the second. It makes perfect sense."
Their son let out some goos and gaas. Ren grinned and patted him.
"He seems to like it," he said proudly.
Pin-Mei was dumbfounded. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting exactly, but she hadn't anticipated naming her son "Milk." Perhaps a mixture of their names, like Rei, or Rin, or Men, but not "Milk." Still, that had been the deal.
"W-Were there any other names you were thinking of?"
"Well, I had considered "San," but it's far too plain for a son of ours, wouldn't you agree?"
The mother panicked, but tried her best not to show it. The twins already suffered from bullying, and their names were quite normal (though she conveniently forgot that their names were, in fact, the same). How could she support a name like Níu-Năi? He would have it even worse!
Maybe we can write it with different characters! But I don't even know how we would do that! Plus, Ren most likely wouldn't allow it. She gazed at her husband and son again. How can I sit silent like this? I have to—
She stopped and took in the incredible sight before her.
While she had been working herself into a tizzy, Ren had been gently cradling the newborn, a noticeable smile on his face. He did things such as waving his fingers in front of the baby's face, and even dabbed his little mouth when drool appeared. Surprised, she subconsciously placed her hand on her sternum.
Ren had smiled at and cradled the twins after they were born, yes, but he wasn't as open. To an extent, he had seemed to care more about keeping his icy, stern reputation than openly showing love for his children. He had even eventually stopped, only showing it in front of her. What had changed? Why would the proud Tao Ren lower his walls and show genuine happiness at having a child? Even when he had agreed on having this baby, he had acted as though he was doing her a favor, that it was something only she had wanted.
So why…?
Then it dawned on her. He now knew something she herself had experienced all to soon: what it was like to lose a child. After nearly losing his son, and watching his daughter's attempt to wake her brother, he had realized the place his children had in his life. Just as Ren and Pin-Mei had been torn apart, had watched the other die, just as they had realized just how empty the world felt without the other in it, Ren had finally realized the same about his children.
They were no longer just small people running around the castle his wife had begged for. They were his children – Ren, Lien, and now Níu-Năi. They now had their place among what was most precious to him. He couldn't name her, "Pin-Mei," so he went with the other thing he loved: "Milk."
Ren finally looked up at her. "So? What do you think?" His eyes widened for but a second at the sight of her crying, but she smiled.
She daintily wiped her eyes. "I love it," she whispered. "Níu-Năi is a beautiful name, Ren. Just beautiful."
He smiled back at her. It was as if her approval of the name was a badge of honor, proof that he was doing this whole parenting thing correctly. "I'm glad."
She scooted to the edge of the bed to be closer to her boys. They both gazed lovingly at the newborn, then at each other. Ren suddenly leaned over and gave her a quick kiss, catching her off-guard.
"I love you."
Her eyes misted again as she blushed. "I love you too, Ren."
Just as they moved to grasp each other's hand, Níu-Năi let out some restless cries, and Ren quickly handed him back to his mother.
"He's probably just hungry," she said.
She cradled him once more, then adjusted her robe to allow him to continue his meal. For some brief, quiet moments, Ren simply watched her; stroking the babe's face, smiling down at him with eyes that were tired, but at the same time bright. They reflected the happiness and gratefulness for the little cherub she was holding. He had forgotten how beautiful she looked at times like this.
Ren gave a wistful sigh and closed his eyes. When he woke up that morning, he could never have imagined that they would be where they were right then. Reading to his wife on the veranda seemed like a distant memory. Despite all that had happened in between then and now – the pain, trauma, the uncertainty, yet the undeniable joy – he felt what he knew Pin-Mei did.
It was one of the happiest days of their lives.
How many of those is a person allowed to have?
Giving his legs a pat, he stood. "I'll go get the twins."
Ten minutes later saw Lien bolting into the room and running up to the edge of the bed, looking as if she were about to jump on top of it. The girl marveled at the newborn as if he were a unicorn, her eyes sparkling, and almost too awestruck to move. Ren II came up beside her and tried to casually peer at the infant. Anyone could tell he was trying to appear apathetic – it was just a baby, after all. Those happen all the time. But Níu-Năi was able to steal a smile from even him.
Ren stood behind the twins, arms folded, that wistful smile still on his face. He watched his completed family, all with bright eyes and an air of excitement about them. Pin-Mei showed the baby Tao to his older siblings, laughing when he seemed to blow bubbles at his brother to prevent being held by him.
Her eyes met Ren's. There was a moment of serenity where they each understood that this was the definition of happiness: Their family – Together. Happy. Laughing.
Ren took a deep breath to push down a lump in his throat and prevent his eyes from burning.
I will do anything to protect this. To protect all of you. I promise.
February 13, 2025
…But I failed. My children suffered, even died, and I couldn't do a single thing to stop it. Ren said he had been suffering for almost ten years, and I didn't even know it. And how brutally I tortured him…Pin-Mei was right. I really am no better than En was.
HoroHoro jogged up to him. "Oi…try not to beat yourself up over all this. Like you told Pin-Mei – there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent this. I mean…" He looked at the small body Ren held in his arms. "You made a hard decision, one I couldn't imagine making. I don't envy you in the slightest, but I think considering the circumstances you made the best one you could have."
His friend didn't reply, continuing the silence he had adopted since the group had begun the trek down the mountain. HoroHoro looked around. Pin-Mei and Li's horses were on either side of the pack, carrying Pin-Mei and Ren II respectively. Sheng led her captain's horse, while Li herself brought up the rear, carrying Chun's body.
Pin-Mei's horse was guided by Lien, whose eyes were fixed on the ground. They watered every now and then, but she tried to wipe them before anyone saw. Seta walked beside his mother, who had insisted on carrying Xue. His body still ached like mad, but he tried to stand tall and continue to walk it off. Every now and then, he would look over at the heiress. Finally, he couldn't stand her soulless eyes anymore. He scooted past his parents and began walking next to her.
"Hey."
She started, looking over at him before turning back. "Hi."
Okay, now what? What do you say to someone who just watched both of her brothers die?! "Um, are you doing okay?"
Lien glanced at him again, her eyes barely squinted, as if she were befuddled by his question. Hurt ultimately overtook them. "I'm alive." She looked away. "That's about all I can say. Everything hurts. I feel like I want to throw up every other second. My heart feels like it's being stabbed every time I breathe. My mind won't stop racing…But I'm alive. As much as I don't deserve it, I'm alive."
"Woah, woah!" He leaned over to meet her gaze. "Who says you don't deserve to be alive?"
"Me. No one's saying it out loud, but everyone will think it when they find out about Níu-Năi. 'Why did the little one have to die? He had his whole life ahead of him! Poor Pin-Mei has lost her precious little boy.' That's what they'll think. Why Níu-Năi? Why not that failure of a daughter? It's her fault, after all. She should have died to atone for her stupidity." Her eyes filled with tears.
"That's not—"
"IT IS! It's my fault everyone almost lost their lives tonight, and why Níu-Năi is dead. If I hadn't listened to Huan, none of this would have happened!"
Seta suddenly wrapped his arms around her, causing her to drop the reins she had been holding. Lien was frozen, only able to stare over his shoulder with wide eyes.
"I'll admit that I don't know all the details," he began in a soft voice. "But even I know that blaming yourself won't help things. I fought Hao myself, and I can promise you that he would have found a way to return even without you. Your parents seem pretty eager to blame themselves, so even if you are at all to blame, you wouldn't be alone." He held her tighter. "And you won't be alone as long as I'm here, either."
Lien couldn't think of a single word of reply, but Seta didn't let the silence linger for long.
"Auntie Pin-Mei thought we wouldn't care if she traded places with Ren. It's the same with you; we'd all miss you if you died, Lien." He paused. "I definitely would. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. You mean a lot to me. I'm really glad you're safe."
Seta finally released her. She looked up at him with a confused expression, then down again.
"Thank y-yachoo!"
He swung his backpack in front of him and took out a blanket, then wrapped it around her. "Here. I got it on the airplane so it's not the best quality, but it should warm you up a little."
She clutched the blanket around her, not looking him in the eye. "Thank you."
Seta nodded with a smile. "No problem. Here, let me take the reins for a while so you can hold the blanket around you." With that, he took the leads and began guiding the horse – with Lien next to him, of course.
Ren glanced over his shoulder at Lien as they began walking again. She held on tightly to the fleece throw, staring at the ground. His gaze caught her eye and she looked up at him. Ren's heart ached.
She looked as disturbed as she had the night this had all started.