"Kamui! You can't avoid having your bath for the rest of your life!" said Jakob, knocking ever louder on my bedroom door.
"Only until either Azura or Oboro aren't in our army anymore!" I'm not taking the risk. Azura promised not to act without my input after our altercation.
"I will not allow my liege to go unwashed! If you don't get out here, I will knock down this door and wash you like I did when you was a child! Or do I need to go get Gunter?" Eep. Gunter was a caring father of sorts to me, but he didn't suffer tantrums well. It'd be for the best not making a scene over this, either.
"One concession. You don't let anyone else in whilst I am washing, alright?" I say, with my face up against the door.
"Of course not, milady. I cannot promise to keep those pesky ninjas away, unfortunately." Ah yes, the triple threat of Kaze, Saizo and Kagero. Three ninjas following my every step, watching my every move. By now, I'm used to Kaze, handing me pieces of paper that I had dropped earlier, but Saizo and Kagero felt more… judgemental. After dinner earlier, I thought I heard Saizo muttering above me when I went back to grab some leftovers!
This was the best way it could go, sadly. At the very least, I could handle being in the bath with other women. Kagero sneaking up behind me wouldn't be a problem, at least. The thought of Saizo and that creepy notebook of his… Urgh. Let's get this over with.
I was sitting in the bath, alone. With probably a ninja or two hiding in the roof, but mostly alone. I'd already heard Jakob chase off Azura with the threat of shaving her head. The only other threat to a peaceful bath would be Orochi, and I'm sure my dutiful butler will find some way to deter her.
This water is divine… Enough for me to forget all my troubles for a few minutes. This really had been a crazy few weeks. From finding out I've been lied to for all of my life and being hunted by two nations, all the way to right now where I've managed to fall head over heels for my brother's bodyguard. All of that is nothing now.
"Urghhhh" I groan, melting into the warmth. I could almost go to sleep…
….
"Wake up, sister!" I hear a familiar voice call out. My eyes flutter open, and I'm home. In the tower I spent my life locked in. My sister, the youngest one of us, Elise, was shaking me awake. "Big brother said it's the big day today!"
"E-elise… Why are you here so early?" The sun hadn't even risen yet. She must have ridden ahead of the others on their way here. Felicia had just entered the room, her hair unkempt as if she had been woken up early. My sister laughed and hugged me. This was nice.
"I just couldn't wait to see you again! I had to leave Arthur and Effie behind, but they'll catch up!" Elise said, squeezing me tighter. Alright… getting a bit hard to breathe… Felicia yawned and began to lay my clothes out upon my chair.
"Come on, Elise, give your sister some space to freshen up. It's an important day today and she needs to be ready" said my Maid, practically ushering the Troubadour out.
It's the big day, huh? Maybe she means the day I get tested to see whether I'm strong enough to withstand the curse on me! I've always wanted to travel far across the country. Wait a minute… These aren't my clothes. I normally wear the leather armour Gunter designed for me. This was a long white dress. Much like that of a bride. Is this some kind of training princesses of Nohr must undergo?
"Milady, do you need assistance?" asked Flora. She had entered the room, flanked by several more maids. Before I could even open my mouth, I had hands on every part of my body squeezing me into this dress.
I'm basically a short twig and I still barely fit. Maybe I need to cut back on the scones. Pfft, I'd do that the second Jakob cuts that ponytail off. After a struggle, I'm in the dress. One maid hands me a bouquet whilst another fixes my veil.
It's the big day then, right? If this is my final test, then King Garon must have made plans for me to be married off. I wonder what kind of person he's chosen for me. My maids lead me from the room all the way to the chapel of the tower. I can hear the organs playing my procession.
I'd fantasized about this day a long time ago. Camilla, Elise, Felicia, Flora and Lilith would be my bridesmaids. Gunther would be walking me down the aisle and I'd be marrying the cutest boy in the nation.
The big doors open and I see my groom standing down by the altar, with the priest between them. Garon, Iago and Hans were sitting in one pew, with Camilla, Elise, Leo and Xander in another. My groom was a gray haired boy, a year or two younger than me. He had a long ponytail and looked distinctly paler than the average Nohrian.
That's Takumi!
Wait, what?
Why is a hoshidan prince my groom? Why is my little brother my groom? Am I really that kind of girl? And why is there another groom already standing down there?!
I have two husbands!? The blue haired turns to face me. I recognise that face. Those beautiful eyes! That pale skin! Oboro was standing there in a suit, before smirking at me and turning to Takumi and locking lips. Of course that's right.
I never stood a chance, really. She's always been mooning after him. And I'm just short, skinny Kamui. There's nothing on me anyone would want. Why am I deluding myself into thinking I have a chance?
"Wake up, Kamui!" Jakob says, grabbing me by shoulder. I feel my tears drip from my cheeks as he shakes me.
"Kamui! You've been in here hours!" he said. Oh. Right. I'm in the bath. In my fort. Not in Nohr. I can't help but sob into his arms. "Ngh! Milady, what's the matter?"
"I was at my wedding but it turns out my groom was Takumi and my other groom was Oboro and they started kissing each other right in the front of me and making me watch on my wedding day and then my dress was too tight even though I never eat snacks between meals unless we're marching!" I blubbered into him. My butler was silent for a few seconds.
"I'm sorry, did you say Oboro was your groom?"
"That's what you're taking from this?!" He may be a top notch butler, but he was a complete moron! His eyes raced across the room, keeping away from me. Shouldn't he be used to seeing me like this?
"K-kamui! Calm down. It was just a nightmare" he said, patting my head. "It seems that you have problems with love, correct? I must admit, I'm not the best at doing this kind of thing… But I think you should stop chasing this sooner than later."
W-what? That idiot! Why should I care what he thinks of love! Flora was an idiot for wasting her emotions on this ass!
"For starters, a noblewoman has to think of her court when she marries. You can't take something scandalous as that, you'd have revolt, even in Hoshido."
Like I care about the prattling of the snobs! I'm not throwing away the one that makes me feel this way!
"While I know I cannot stop you, only dispense advice. So please, before you hurt yourself further, give up on marrying Takumi" said Jakob, finally looking at me. Wait… No, he didn't think that, did he? I'd laugh if I wasn't crying.
"Now now, do you want me to make you a warm drink and we'll dry up those tears?" he said, with a soft smile. How is this man so dense?! My sobs change into a strange, strangled laugh. I don't know if he's sincere, but at least there's someone less competent at love than me!
"J-jakob, you fool… I don't feel any love for Takumi!" I manage to get out, in between my strange laughter. Probably a bit excessive. I did feel something for Takumi. Just the usual sibling rivalry.
Maybe not the usual, in this case.
Jakob looks puzzled for a second before the truth dawns on him, his cheeks flushed.
"O-oh… Then it's Oboro that has taken your heart. My apologies for this misunderstanding. Now, this is but a simple matter. I presume this is what Azura has been helping you with?"
In so far throwing me into the deep end, I guess it was help. What does he mean, 'simple matter', anyway? I've been enduring this debacle for days!
"I'd have expected a girl to understand anothers heart, but she's too forward. What you need is to get so used to the idea of Oboro being with you, it becomes second nature."
Obviously, genius. How am I supposed to do that if I turn into a quivering wreck every time I talk to her?
"That's the problem, Jakob. I can't act normal around her! I just turn into a mushy pile of awkwardness!"
"Why don't you try plying her with something you're confident in? You've always been good at um…" Jakob says, thinking for a moment. Come on, I can't be so nondescript you have to actually think of my talents, right? "Football?"
"Do they even have that in Hoshido?"
"Not to my knowledge, no." Outstanding. Also, what kind of cute, cool, heart-stealing girl plays football? Hinoka, probably. Hardly a paragon of femininity. The exact opposite of Oboro, in fact. "Women across Nohr are smitten with the sports stars, you know"
Probably not for their sports prowess, at least.
"But as for a more feminine pursuit…" No need to take so long, again! I'm a perfectly fine lady! "You did embroidery for a while with Elise, correct? I'm sure a tailor like her would love to see it"
"Great idea, Jakob!" It's practically the perfect thing! It's like a cultural exchange too! Northern Fortress probably still has that tapestry I made hanging, if I could go back and reclaim it. If Garon and Iago hadn't burned everything of mine down yet, that is.
"L-lady Kamui… You're soaking wet!" Oh. I had hugged him without thinking. His smile seemed strained. "I'm glad that you've cheered up, at least."
"My bad! Jakob, could you leave? I'm going to get changed now!" I said, as he gave a short bow and left. Finally, a plan that wasn't just charging in headfirst!
"Who'd have thought you were the football kind of girl" said Azura. AGH! How did she get in here so quickly? "For your information, we do know of it here. A thug's game."
What an awful opinion. "How long have you been in here!?"
"Since Jakob came to wake you up. Embroidery's the next plan, then?" she asked, sitting down next to where I had a clean dress folded. "Honestly, I learn new things about you every day. But this does sound like a skill Oboro would appreciate."
"So can I get your promise to help right?" I ask, finally getting dressed. The songstress nods her head.
"Of course, Kamui. I'm here the whole way."
"Great, I haven't stitched anything in years. Do you think you could give me a quick refresher?"
The sound of her palm striking her forehead echoed throughout the bathhouse.