The Darkness Inside
Chapter 5 Self-Doubt
Who would have thought that today of all days Kazuha and Hattori had to come visit them. It was a friday and Ran just gotten back from school when she got a message from Aoko. She'd received some codes – some real codes they'd have to decode and she already felt super giddy and excited but just when she was about to walk out of the door to meet with Aoko, the Osakan duo entered.
She must have made an unpleasant face because Kazuha caught on immediately that something was wrong.
"Is this a bad time, Ran-chan?" she asked and Ran wanted to tell her that indeed right now was rather bad when she had seen Conan out of the corner of her eye watching her suspiciously, she only laughed nervously.
"O-of course not. I was just about going to buy groceries for dinner." She needed to leave if just for an hour. She'd just say she met someone and they got to talk and she forgot the time. Yes, that's a good idea. She'd be able to discuss things with Aoko and go back and take care of her guests.
Of course, Kazuha didn't want to play along and Ran sighed inwardly.
"Great, let me accompany you, Ran-chan. What are you going to cook?"
Maybe she could simply shake her off somewhere? No, that would be mean and Kazuha had always been nice to her. She simply couldn't do that. Then what? How was she going to meet with Aoko? She had the suspicion that they had to hurry and talk so they could figure out what it all meant. It couldn't wait until tomorrow.
"Alright, then, let's go, Kazuha-chan."
"Ran-neechan, me too, me too."
Conan ran in front of her and was jumping up and down impatiently, a whiney look plastered on his face. If this really was Shinichi he was an awesome actor – he totally took after his mother.
"Sure, Conan-kun." She smiled softly and gritted her teeth in silence. How was she going to escape Kazuha and then him? Well, challenge accepted.
"Ah, I forgot something, I'll be right back and then we can go."
Ran hurriedly left for her room and closed the door behind her. sighing, she leaned heavily on it and groaned quietly. Quickly, she took out her phone and texted Aoko. She wouldn't make it now and she honestly didn't know when she would make it.
Scrolling through the messages, she frowned. This was getting really serious and there was no time for playing around. Kazuha really decided to come at the worst time. She'd met Aoko just a few days ago to do homework together since they had no news yet and now, barely three days later there was such big progress.
To: Ran, 2016.12.02, 13:24:45: NEWS! We got some codes! When can we meet?
To: Aoko, 2016.12.02, 13:46:24: Wow. What is it? Do we know a place? A time? Can you forward the mail to me? How about we meet today evening? Same time, same place
To: Ran, 2016.12.02, 13:47:55: Alright.
To: Ran, 2016.12.02, 13:50:42: 38573220T01356812, 53345670T02356356, 6005005DTXS356030, 49870310OSX356906, 58763330TD1723809, 60003590TO3823027, 7780735NNO1723715, 51500360OK1356136
To: Aoko, 2016.12.02, 13:53:21: Wow, that's…
To: Ran, 2016.12.02, 13:54:14: Yeah, that's why we need to discuss things together. We'll have to use google and the library, I guess. We have to figure it out!
To: Ran, 2016.12.02, 13:56:01: Kaito's being his usual jerk-self. See you later, Ran-chan.
To: Aoko, 2016.12.02, 18:35:45: I'm so sorry, Aoko-chan. A friend suddenly visited and Conan-kun is acting suspicious and watching me all the time (I told you about it), I'll contact you again once I know if or when I can meet you
To: Ran, 2016.12.02, 18:36:33: Don't worry about it.
Ran sighed. But she did worry about it. They had to figure it out. Were those coordinates? But coordinates had other numbers, right? And not so many. Or was it encoded coordinates? Of a place? Were it more places? That would be really bad, like, honestly super bad. They could separate and save two places but not – how many was it again? That was crazy.
There was a slight panic growing inside Ran when she realized she wouldn't get to solve it until much later. She felt like bursting if she couldn't talk about it with someone. Things had gotten really bad. What could have been a simple joke turned into a real nightmare – even though it still could be a joke. Those numbers could be nothing, right? Just thought up numbers. She didn't actually see any system. There were some letters but mostly just numbers and really nothing was alike.
Suddenly, there was a knock on her door, making Ran nearly jump out of her skin. "Ran-chan. Are you alright? May I come in?"
Ran opened the door and let Kazuha inside. "Ne, something's bothering ya, I can see right through ya. What is it, Ran-chan? Spit it out! We're friend, aren't we? Ya can tell me everything!"
Ran looked into Kazuha's eyes and felt her heart being squeezed. Well, it certainly was true. They were friends. But could she actually tell her? Ran knew exactly how badly it hurt having your best friend lying to you on a daily basis (if her suspicion was correct that is). But if she told Kazuha she'd want in, right? She'd want to solve it with them. Ran didn't mind that much, but what if she accidently told Hattori? What if she thought it to be better to tell the police? Hattori? What they were doing was beyond dangerous, it was crazy, suicidal probably.
It made Ran suddenly aware of one fact she'd never thought about before. It may very well kill them. Not some strangers. Some people who she'd never seen. Of course, that was bad and she was doing everything to prevent that. But Aoko and her – they could very well die as well. And just like that Kazuha could too. Could she really be responsible for her death? Would she be able to protect her? Aoko – that girl was neck deep in the water already, there was no way back for her and as for Ran herself, how could she leave Aoko alone? If she was drowing, they'd drown together. But Kazuha? Great, honest Kazuha? She could never ever make her take the plunge.
"I'm sorry, Kazuha-chan, for worrying you. To be honest, I just don't feel very well. But it's nothing serious. I'm just feeling under the weather. It's getting cold and I guess I won't see Shinichi this Christmas, either."
Lies, lies, lies, lieslieslieslies.
She felt horrible. There was the essence of truth but it wasn't what was plaguing her. Did Shinichi feel like that, too? How was he able to sleep at night? Because Shinichi didn't simply lie to her, did he? He had actually actively deceived her, hasn't he? All of a sudden, Ran was choking on air.
Was it really the right thing to do? Was it worth it to kill herself, kill Aoko, kill all those innocents?
"Ran-chan?" Kazuha looked at her worriedly, gasped her shoulders softly. She had such nice green eyes, didn't she? She'd never seen more honest and real eyes before. Kazuha always said what was on her mind. Had she ever lied to anyone?
"Ran-neechan? Are you alright?"
There. There was her reason that made all this real. Her reason for not giving up. The reason for all that darkness inside her that was eating at her night after night after night.
When her phone vibrated, she tried to shake her thoughts of. This was getting her nowhere. There was no time to start doubting now. Sure, they could still get out of it. There was still time, but she knew for a fact that Aoko wasn't backing out and there was no way she'd let the girl into the lion's den all on her own.
"I-", she started. Shaking her head she smiled. "I'm fine, really. It's just the weather, I guess. No need to worry. Well, let's go."
Conan had a pretty good poker face and she couldn't guess if he believed her, Hattori eyed her suspiciously and even Kazuha watched her with worry in her eyes but she then smiled, grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the apartment.
"How about we go out instead of ya preparing dinner, Ran-chan?"
"Oh, yeah, that sounds nice. Let's go eat some Ramen!" Heiji proposed and Kazuha scowled at him.
"Of course, we're not going to eat Ramen. Are ya stupid or what? There's this new place with the platform up above. I heard they have a nice restaurant, as well."
"Ah, you mean the new Beika Hotel? Yeah, it's supposed to be very nice, indeed."
"See?" she turned towards Heiji and stuck her tongue out at him, then turning back and walking next to Ran, she got close to her and whispered into her ear.
"You're sad because of Kudo-kun, right?"
Well, it wasn't wrong. That thing with Shinichi was ongoing and it never didn't make her sad. So it was true. But since she didn't want to lie any more to Kazuha than she already had, she nodded. But she honestly also didn't want to talk about it, either. Kazuha got that and didn't ask any more questions.
Ran remembered how her phone had vibrated before and with a little distance to the others she checked her messages.
To: Ran, 2016.12.02., 18:39:44: I'll be in Tokyo today, just let me know if we can meet somewhere
To: Aoko, 2016.12.02, 18:45:45: We're going to the new Beika Hotel. Let's meet there. I don't have anything with me though and I probably cannot stay for long
To: Ran, 2016.12.02., 18:46:49: Great! See ya there
"Who are you texting, Ran-chan?"
When Kazuha tilted her head in her direction to see what Ran had typed, she hastily put her phone away. She felt guilty for having all these secrets and actually, she'd never imagined things to be so hard but there she was.
"Actually, I texted Shinichi. You know we wanted to meet today but as – you know – something like – you know … a date."
For a second her cheeks colored a rosy hue but it soon disappeared when she watched her surroundings.
There was silence on Kazuha's side and then an elated scream but that wasn't what Ran was looking for. She never missed the questioning and surprised look Heiji gave Conan and the equally surprised look with which Conan was responding. And she most certainly didn't miss his red cheeks and Heiji's knowing and taunting smirk.
If that wasn't clear evidence that Conan was Shinichi and Heiji knew then she didn't know what was. But she couldn't dwell on it for long because Kazuha linked arms with her and pulled her a little distance away from the guys. She felt guilty for having lied but it gave her a good response for why she was so sad, right? Her friends interrupted a date with her best friend slash love interest who was scarcely ever there. It was also what Aoko told her. Find out about things discreetly. Heiji's reaction alone gave it all away. Kill two birds with one stone.
"Why didn't ya tell me, Ran-chan? Ya know I always cheer ya on, right? Can ya still meet him, though? I can distract Conan-kun and Heiji and ya can go and meet Kudo-kun in secret. Isn't that excitin'?"
Ran was loath to accept, to spin this lie further and further but that was her chance, right? But wasn't it bad to lie in front of Shinichi who knew she wasn't meeting him? Wouldn't he know there was still something she was hiding? But then again she could simply make a game out of it, right? She had already lied, what was one more lie?
She could make it a game of cat and mouse. She was the cat but gave him the feeling that he was the cat and she the mouse when in reality it was the other way around. She could make him suspicious, make him follow only for her to trick him.
There was a part of her, a really big part that wanted nothing to do with it. But then there was the other part, a rather small one, but it was growing, every day it was growing more and more swallowing all of the other protesting parts of her. If this continued she wondered if she wouldn't kill someone one day and that honestly scared her to death. This wasn't like her – it wasn't her. And yet she'd be stupid not to go with it.
"Really, Kazuha-chan? Why are you even here? Is there another case? I really don't want to ditch you for Shinichi who's barely ever here."
"But that's the thing, isn't it? Ya barely ever see Kudo-kun so there's no way I will let you miss this opportunity!"
It was wrong, Ran knew that much, it was horribly wrong, she was hurting her friend who'd never do such a thing to her and yet – and yet she couldn't stop.
"Also, we came because Heiji wanted to come for whatever reason. But I'm sure there'll be a case sooner or later. It's quite morbid if ya think about it like that, don't ya think, Ran-chan?"
"A-ha-ha, yeah. Isn't it? But I guess I'll take you on that offer. I'll keep it short, promise."
Kazuha grinned and shook her head. "Nonsense Ran-chan! Ya'll take as much time as ya need!"
Ran smiled sadly and nodded. That way she didn't have to sneak off, at least.
"I have some make up with me so if ya'd like to hit up the bathroom first, we can do that."
Kazuha was honestly prepared for everything, wasn't she? Ran smiled gently, honestly for the first time this evening and sighed. This was going to be hard, wasn't it?
It didn't take them very long to arrive at the hotel and soon they were seated inside the hotel's restaurant and took their orders. It was the highest level and since it was night they had a breathtaking view of Tokyo's night sky. Ran felt like smiling since it reminded her of the night out with Aoko who took her star watching. It had been nice, she had truly enjoyed it and enjoyed herself. For once not having to deal with any corpses and murderers and sad stories and hatred. There was just her friend, she, the night sky and the many falling stars.
"Are ya thinkin' about Kudo-kun?"
Strangely, Ran didn't blush, didn't even feel like there was a need to but there was a certain warm feeling when she thought about Aoko and that night.
"No!" she said and realized that might not have been very clever. "I mean, well…"
She felt mostly nervous and on edge because she needed to meet Aoko and she lied to Kazuha and there were news considering the bombing and Conan was watching her like a hawk. Now and then Hattori would throw a sharp glance her way as well and it made her toes curl because that was too much. How was she supposed to keep those two out of the case? They'd just stick their noses in, right?
Her phone vibrated again and Ran looked up sharply. Of course, that got Conan's attention who looked at her worriedly.
"Are you okay, Ran-neechan? Would you rather go home?" He was about lean towards Ran when Kazuha burst out.
"No, no, no Conan-kun. Everything's perfectly alright, I promise. Let's go, Ran-chan."
With that Kazuha pushed her from her chair and pulled her along to the bathroom until suddenly the guy from the next table grabbed her hand and grabbed his throat and started gurgling.
Ran's heart sank. Not another murder. Not now.
It took only about a second, that's how long it felt to Ran, before the guy fell over and Conan and Hattori came running.
His hand was still warm.
It was somehow all she could think about.
She didn't really remember when or how she got back to the table but when her phone vibrated again, she found herself alone.
To: Ran, 2016.12.02., 19:23:44: Why are you not eating?
To: Ran, 2016.12.02., 19:41:44: Are you alright? I'll come over now.
She wondered. Was she alright? Looking up in the direction she remembered Kazuha having pulled her to she saw police miling about. In the distance, she could see Conan and Heiji, for once not even looking in her direction. Kazuha was with some police officer, probably giving her statement.
Ran felt shaken. She'd never blanked after a murder. She screamed and cried and felt pity for the dead and the living but she'd never been shaken like this. Suddenly, there was a hand on her shoulder and she nearly jumped in fright. Turning around, she found Aoko in a black hoodie and blond wig. She would have mistaken her for someone else if she had another face. (Looking similar had its perks.)
Aoko took her hand and gently tugged her out of the dining hall, away from police and a nagging Heiji and Conan, far away from blood and murder and death.
She felt like underwater again, drowning, choking, was there air? What if they failed? What if they died? What if they couldn't save those people? Wasn't it too much? Why was she doing it? Why was she risking someone's lives, theirs if no one else's?
"Ran-chan, oi, Ran-chan. Snap out of it. You're hyperventilating!"
Ran's eyes snapped towards Aoko's but the room felt suddenly so small and there was no air and why was it spinning?
"Shit!" she heard Aoko curse. She felt arms around her and something cold and then there was only white above her. And then nothing.
When Ran had awakened a few minutes later, Aoko took her to the rooftop. It helped a lot, the fresh air, the wind, the clear sky above them. If the situation had been any less serious it could have been considered romantic.
They were sitting on the edge and staring at the silent city below them. People were smaller than ants, actually only cars were really visible, brightening the streets.
"Ahh, this feels so nice. Maybe we should relocate our meeting place to here or the Mouri Tower. I kind of enjoyed it there."
Ran also looked much better now. She wasn't as pale anymore and she was breathing just fine. Her pulse was normal again and Aoko sighed in relief. She had been worried beyond belief. No one has ever fainted on her before and she'd never seen anyone panic and hyperventilate. It was a scary experience but thankfully things turned out just fine.
"What if we get killed? I just realized it a few hours before. Aoko-chan, what if we don't just fail but die as well?"
Aoko watched the sky line and sighed. She shrugged and turned her head towards Ran. "I guess that's the risk. You know, you can still get out."
Ran watched the skyline and Aoko couldn't help the urge to hug her. But she wouldn't, not yet. There were things Ran had to say first, there was so much on the girl's mind, weighing her down so badly it physically hurt Aoko to see it.
"I lied to my friend today. I lied to her because there is no way I can drag her down with us. I found out we might die. We might kill people and we might die. And then I got the evidence that Shinichi is Conan and Hattori-kun knows and I just – the man grabbed me and his hand was so warm and then he just –"
Aoko put her arms around the girl, letting her put her head on her shoulder, letting her cry, letting it all out.
"I never thought it would be so hard. All the lying. I-" she sobbed. "This was not in the job description."
It wasn't. Aoko hadn't known what it would entail, either. No one had known, right? It was just that apparently Aoko was dealing with it much better than Ran was. But then again, she didn't know much about this girl but of course she was. She was such a nice and caring girl. Of course, it would break her doing things that didn't hurt just others but hurt herself much more. If she could she'd make her forget about it and continue alone. Because, who was there for her? Kaito? He really didn't care much. Kid? She hated him and by God he should be hating her, too. Her father? Keiko?
Aoko herself had always had a view of justice in black and whites but then Kaito had become Kid and suddenly the line shifted. Her best friend was probably an internationally wanted criminal and if that wasn't unjust she didn't know what was. It made her see things in a different light. White wasn't as white anymore and black not as dark. Sneaking out, lying, breaking in somewhere – it was all nothing. Sure, some things were more illegal than the others but if no one caught her she was fine.
Stroking Ran's back softly, she closed her eyes. "It will be hard, Ran-chan. All the time until this is over and done with. It won't be your last lie. I can do all the things that might border on illegality. Also, you can always leave if it becomes too much. I won't ever make you stay, Ran-chan. The choice is all yours. And as far as I can say, things will only get worse from now on."
Ran nodded and sobbed, before she raised her head again, wiped her tears off and stopped her sobs. It took her a few minutes but Aoko sat patiently with her, stroking her arm reassuringly.
"You let it all out, I think that's a good think. You shouldn't keep it bottled up. Try to talk to your friend later, alright? Talk about the murder, about your day, about anything, really. We can talk about anything case related right now."
Ran nodded and sniffled. "It'll be hard to keep Shinichi off track. He's been guarding me like a hawk the past few days, today especially. I guess I'll need to sneak out."
Aoko nodded in thought. "I'll think of something, alright? Actually, maybe that isn't even that bad. We need training, you know? We need to make it inside the building and out without anyone noticing us. I'd rather not anyone knows about our involvement – even if everything turns out well. Even if we win and save everyone I think it'd be better if no one knew it was us. If it is a whole organization they might start hunting us."
Ran shuddered next to her and bit her lip. "But it's fine. We'll be fine. I know someone who can train us in stealth or more like, train me. You'll be strength and I'll be stealth. We'll have different roles, of course, we'll both get into the art of disguising. I'll make sure we'll be fine, Ran-chan. Promise. Also, I'm sure we'll have enough time to prepare at least 100 hundred plans and even more back up plans."
It seemed to placate Ran a little since she relaxed her posture.
"I know a few people, also I can easily sneak into the police station and find out about things. It sounds really criminal somehow, doesn't it?"
She laughed and Ran put her head into her hands but Aoko could hear her chuckle, as well. Good. She was able to get her out of her funk. Then they should start dedicating themselves to the matter at hand.
"Alright. I'm pretty sure I've seen those numbers somewhere before but I cannot remember. Fact is, there's a pattern."
Ran looked up and eyed Aoko's notepad. She had all the numbers written on it. She had put spaces between some numbers and when placed like that there were some repetitions.
"Like here. The most obvious thing is the letters. All of them are different, right? Let's assume it's always the same pattern. There is one numerical sequence with four letters. Let's assume it's always four for this part. That means we have seven numbers before and six after. Now, for the last six numbers there is a pattern as well. The first three numbers are always the same. There's only two variations. And the last always differ as well."
She watched Ran let it all sink in and her eyes starting to glow. "We don't know what those four parts mean but I think we can safely assume that it's separated into those four parts and mean something. They are build up in the same way. I have already looked up some variations and so far the most logical thing is that it's IDs. They need targets, right? Maybe these are our targets. So, what we need to do now is find out who the targets are."
Aoko watched her notes intently. She had already checked her ID but there were different numbers. She had checked Kaito's driving license but that had even more different numerical sequences.
"Wow, I'm so impressed, Aoko-chan. I never would have come up with that."
Aoko flushed slightly and tugged at her hair nervously. "I'm good with numbers, you know? If someone points a gun to my head, I freak out and nearly faint, though. Everyone of us has their strong points, right?"
Ran nodded. "Right."
Aoko sighed and put the notebook away. Ran looked distressed and Aoko was sure it had nothing to do with their current course of action. "Come on, tell me what's wrong."
Ran looked up startled and smiled forcefully. "Nothing, nothing."
Aoko grasped her hand though and looked her firmly into her eyes.
"I had time to think about it, Ran-chan. I was thinking about it because I was able to talk to you about it. It's numbers. I'm good with numbers. We have nothing else so far. I'm not very good with people and I'm pretty sure that you are. Everyone is good in something and I'm sure soon something will come our way I wouldn't be able to solve without you."
Aoko sighed. "Ran-chan, I wouldn't be here without you. I wouldn't have decided to do this on my own if you hadn't agreed."
"But I feel so stupid and useless."
"Well, you're not. You're absolutely not. In the end, it might come down to fighting. I'm good with a bow and an arrow but what good will it do me in close-range combat? Even if you were to teach me some self-defense now, who says I won't just freeze in face of danger again ? I'm good at thinking in a safe environment but you must be able to think best while under extreme stress and pressure, right?"
Shaking her head, Aoko hugged her again. "We're in this together now, Ran-chan. Let's live and let's die together."
When Ran let go, she nodded. "We're in this together until the very end."
Well, this was way more emotional than planned. Actually, it was supposed to be light and funny, guess I failed XD
This chapter is dedicated to my-chan1325! You totally made my day today and I hope you'll like this chapter. I don't know when I'll be able to update again (before October that is) but if I can get some reviews I'll try to squeeze it in somehow :D
I hope you liked it!
Jaa na!