The Darkness Inside

Chapter 8 Kiss

Since no public transport could take Aoko back home and walking would take her at least two hours, she decided to do the sensible thing and call Kaito. Since she knew that he was awake anyway, she didn't feel one bit guilty. He even picked up on the second ring. Of course, he was super grumpy and cursed her but told her to wait for him. He'd be there in a few minutes.

In the end, she could still always count on him when it came down to it.

She wanted to take Ran home, too, but she had insisted to walk because it wasn't far for her. She'd be home in just about 20 minutes and she could fight off anyone if she got attacked, which was rather unlikely, anyway.

Aoko had walked with Ran a bit so that Kaito wouldn't know about the tower and then she waited for him sitting on a bench.

She didn't know yet what she'd tell him why she was out, what she was doing out and why she was calling him now and not sooner. But it didn't matter, either. It wasn't like he had no secrets.

She wondered if the reason he became Kaitou Kid was related to this. She honestly hoped not because then things would get unnecessarily complicated and dangerous and she couldn't take that right now.

Shaking slightly from the cold and rubbing her arms, Aoko bit her lip. The feeling of dread never had left her ever since she found out her father was targeted and she doubted it would until all of this was over. Why would someone target him? What did he do to deserve to die?

Shaking her head in despair, Aoko closed her eyes. There was pain, a sharp pain in her chest when she thought about the loneliness which would engulf her once he was no longer there. She didn't even want to think about it. Her father couldn't die. Never. They didn't have any relatives since her father was an only child and her grandparents passed away a few years ago. Her mother had passed away when she gave birth to her and she didn't know the family on her mother's side because her mother had left home to be with her father and Aoko's grandparents had never approved of them. So if her father died as well, she'd be an orphan. She'd have no family left and with Kaito being Kaito she'd not even have any close friends who she basically considered family and she didn't know how to deal with it.

The stopping of an engine in front of her got her out of her thoughts but Aoko wasn't ready yet to face him and after a few minutes of silence and no movement, a body sat down next to her. Something warm was put around her shoulders and it was such a nice gesture that she felt tears prick at her eyes. She bit her lip hard to stop them but she knew it was in vain. This was all simply too much. Finding out her father was in danger, on a hit list and then have Kaito be nice to her again after such a long time and she had an exam tomorrow and she was keeping Kaito from resting, too and everything was just too much.

Sobbing, she hid her face in her hands and slumped down. Suddenly, the burden felt too heavy for her and there was the darkness again, taking her in, welcoming her, choking her. At least, until Kaito put his arms around her and pulled her close to him, holding her tight.

"Geez, don't cry Aoko. What happened?" He sounded distressed and incredibly worried which was rare for him and it just made her cry harder because as much as she wanted his attention she didn't want him to worry about her and most certainly not care for her only out of pity. She wanted her friend back. Her best friend who she could confide in. If they'd had the same relationship as before the whole Kaitou Kid thing had started, she might have told him instead of Ran and she would be trying to solve this with him and things would turn out fine, right? Her father was something like a father figure to him too, wasn't it? He wouldn't let him die.

But there was Kaitou Kid between them and so many secrets and lies that she couldn't confide in him and she had to bear the burden all by herself. She should have felt warm and secure inside his arms but she didn't. The darkness retreated but it was still there, just barely at the edge of her consciousness and once she was alone it would attack again and no one would be there to save her again. She could only save herself and save her father and make sure he was alright.

Sobbing into her hands, pressing her head into Kaito's shoulder, she felt the dread spread further inside her.

"Shh, don't cry, Aoko. It's fine, everything will be fine." He rocked them forth and back, forth and back in a reassuring motion but she didn't feel reassured. She knew things wouldn't simply be fine. She'd have to be the one to make them fine just like she had told Ran so many times.

How she wished she could hide inside his arms forever and let someone else handle all her problems and she still could. She could still involve the police but hadn't she ruled out the possibility earlier? Why was she still doubting herself?

She didn't want to think about the possibility of failing, there was no way, they wouldn't, they couldn't. Too much was at stake. Too much that would kill her if she failed. Especially if she survived.

Kaito was stroking her back soothingly, clutching her tightly to his chest. She wondered when was the last time she was so close to him and couldn't remember. If it was any other time she might have enjoyed it. If there wasn't so much on her mind, this might have been romantic instead.

She didn't know how long she sobbed into her hands and his jacket but she was glad that Kaito was there, holding her, comforting her. She was glad she wasn't alone and to know that he still cared about her. Maybe not as much as before and maybe not as much as she cared about him, maybe he just pitied her, but she was incredibly glad he was there. His arms didn't warm her but at least his presence kept the darkness at bay which was threatening to consume her more every day. It had gotten better, with Chikage being there and having a purpose in her life again, things had looked up a little but with this – she wasn't so sure anymore. She hadn't needed this added pressure but that's how it was now and she couldn't change it.

She could only move forward, prepare as best as she could, plan, plan, plan and make sure her father didn't get hurt no matter what.

After a while she calmed down and leaned heavily on Kaito. She hated herself for stealing his sleep, too, because she didn't care much about herself but it was unfair to him. He wasn't supposed to be here when he should be asleep instead, resting so that he would be able to ace the exam tomorrow – or well, today, anyways.

He must have followed her when she left her home because she couldn't fathom why else he would be there. There was no heist planned, as far as she knew and she was sure that Kaito didn't plan anything during Christmas. So he must have been there because of her. She needed to up her game because she never noticed him following her and that was worrisome.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you out here and made you stay when you should be sleeping instead."

Kaito sighed and stroked her back. "I couldn't sleep anyway and I'd much rather know you safe and sound at home or somewhere in the city in the wee hours of the night with me than alone. I aced exams with much less sleep than this, trust me. You should be worried about yourself, instead."

She closed her eyes and tried to enjoy the closeness to him. "Why are you even here, Aoko? What happened?"

She could still talk to him, right? She could ask him rhetorical questions. "I've been having nightmares lately."

At least he couldn't ask her why she was at the station since he couldn't know about it. "What kind of nightmares?"

She closed her eyes and swallowed the oncoming tears. She couldn't keep crying. She let it all out already, it had to be enough. "I – there's always Otou-san and he –", she swallowed, biting her lip again. "He dies. He keeps dying and I just – I can't – I –"

She swallowed again, the tears threatening to fall once more and she pressed her face on his neck. He smelled nice, just like Kaito. It was something she was used to, something that was steady – it was the same as always and calmed her down a little.

"With Kaitou Kid striking so often lately I'm just worried about him. There are people and Otou-san might get hurt and I just –"

"Kaitou Kid is not a murderer. He wouldn't hurt your father."

"But other people might. Kid being as popular as he is might have crazy fans and Otou-san might be the enemy in their eyes. Who says no crazy fan will attack him?"

"There is always the risk with being a police officer, Aoko. It's in the job description. But I'm sure Kaitou Kid is doing his best to not let anyone get hurt on his heists."

"I don't want Kid to get hurt, either. But it'll be one of them, won't it? When it comes down it, someone – one of them – might die."

She knew he couldn't deny it because it was always a possibility. He just said it a few moments before himself. She felt him sigh and hug her tighter. "Of course, it could happen but it's not very likely. Your father is a cop, he's trained, Aoko. He can take care of himself and as for Kid, since when do you care about him? Don't you hate him? This is the calmest I ever heard you talk about him."

"I don't hate him. I don't particularly like him, either. But I can't bring myself to hate him anymore."

"Why?"

Well, why? Because she knew he was Kaito and there was no way, no universe in which she could possibly hate Kaito? She didn't like what he was doing but that was something else.

"Things just changed. He saved me a few times now and I don't understand why. But I can't hate him for that, either. It's – complicated."

"He saved you a few times? When?"

Aoko sighed. "Kaito, I'm too tired for that."

She felt him nod and straighten. "Alright. Then let me take you home now if you're feeling better."

She nodded and straightened up herself. She hid her face in her scarf because she must look awful and she didn't want him to see her like that but Kaito was having none of it and put a finger under her chin to make her look up. Their gazes locked and she wasn't sure what she was seeing, what he was seeing and what was happening but soon he nodded, broke his gaze away and helped her up. Whatever he was looking for, he apparently found it.

He insisted she took the helmet and after a short argument she relented because she was really tired and he needed some sleep, as well.

The ride back home was a rather short one and Aoko was glad when she got off. She was thoroughly frozen and couldn't wait to fall into her warm, cozy bed.

She took off the helmet and gave it back to Kaito. He was looking at her with an emotionless expression, his perfect Poker Face back on. She'd liked to know what he was thinking about, if he was as curious about her reasons as she was about his, about each other's secrets. But she didn't think she'd find out in this life. Who knows, if things got awry she might not live past April next year. She never really thought about that possibility but it wasn't impossible. She'd do everything to protect her father but when it came to herself, she didn't think she'd try as hard.

He had the bluest eyes and a lonely longing spread in her chest. She wanted to touch him, hug him, feel his body heat close to her, have his strong arms slung around her, holding her tight. It would also be enough if they could talk like they used to. If he picked her up in the mornings and waited for her after school. She wished things could be easy again.

But they wouldn't. Maybe it was the reason for her action. Because this might be her very last chance. Maybe she had no more than four months to live and she had to make the most out of them.

Looking into his eyes like that after such a long time compelled her to lean in, grasp his face softly in both her hands and kiss him on his cheek. Closing her eyes, she stayed like that for a moment. His cheek was cold and she realized he must be freezing. She hoped he would get home safe. But his cheek was also soft, somehow nothing like what she'd imagined it to be. It was a gentle kiss, a short one but it felt nice and she wished she could kiss him more often. Maybe even on his lips.

She didn't know what compelled her to kiss him but she had the worst feeling that her time was running out and she wouldn't get another chance.

Opening her eyes again and letting go of him, she saw his flushed and flustered face, no trace of a Poker Face left and shouldn't that make her happy? She would have loved to know what he was thinking but he seemed surprised at her actions, watching her with wide eyes.

She wished things were different. She wished she had more time.

"Thank you, Kaito. Good night."

With that she turned around and left the flustered boy behind.

It was a rather short way back home but Ran shuffled her feet, stalling arriving home as much as possible. The news shook her badly. Shinichi's name being on a hit list? She didn't like it one bit. She would have to sneak into his house and see if he got an invitation, as well, but he must have or his name wouldn't be on the list. She needed to make sure she got the invitation before him and destroy it. If he didn't know about it he wouldn't attend, right? She needed to go there as soon as possible and destroy all possible evidence. She couldn't have him attend, she simply couldn't. Things were bad enough as they were, she couldn't deal with this, on top of everything else.

Maybe he already received the invitation and she'd have to find something else to deter him from going to the ball but she hoped she wouldn't need to use such underhanded tactics because she didn't like them.

But things changed. With Shinichi being one target, things changed, turned around 180 degrees. They had four months to figure things out, solve it, save everyone and apprehend the culprits. It felt impossible to succeed doing all these things but they had to. Somehow they had to do the impossible.

She had been doubtful, she had been loath to do illegal things but with Shinichi on stake things changed. It wasn't just nameless people anymore, it was so much more and she hated herself for thinking like this. Aoko had wanted to do things right from the start but there had still been the part of justice that had kept Ran back. And now when things changed, she didn't care anymore. All of her inhibitions were gone. Gone with the wind. Or more like, she did still care but she didn't know how to do things legally and still save everyone.

They weren't hurting anyone, only breaking in somewhere – the police station, the observatory platform of the Mouri Tower. Aoko was right, they weren't intentionally hurting anyone – no people at least. But it was still wrong, it was still against the law. If they got caught they would get in a lot of trouble but then again, there was a killer running around planning murders of seven people and if apprehending him meant breaking a few laws, then Ran wasn't as reluctant as before anymore.

She felt ashamed that it had to come to this, to have Shinichi on the hit list to reevaluate her choices but she couldn't change them now, anyways. She could only learn and move on. Leave the past behind her. Rise again higher and stronger.

"Ran."

She froze at the voice and wondered if she was dreaming. Did she somehow fall, lost consciousness and die? Was there a real possibility that Shinichi really was here, at two a.m. in the night slash morning.

Looking up expectantly, there he was, leaning against the wall, watching her with hawk like eyes and an unreadable expression on his face. There was this mysterious air around him she loved so much. Leaning against the wall made him look so cool, only illuminated by the lamp post a little farther away. He was shrouded in darkness but she would recognize him anywhere and her heart sped up in her chest. In true Shinichi fashion he had his hands in his pockets and a smug look on his face.

She hurriedly went up to him, pinched his cheek and tried to swipe any makeup away. But when she could detect no mask nor makeup she realized it was the real deal.

"Where is Conan-kun?" she asked dumbfoundedly.

Weird how that was the first thing coming to her mind. No hello, how have you been, what are you doing here? She felt strange, getting straight to the point. Where was Conan because he was Conan, wasn't he and why wasn't he right now? Why was he here? At this hour and had he been following her?

Shinichi frowned and massaged his sore cheek after her pinching. "Ouch! And at home hopefully? How am I supposed to know where Conan is, Ran? But I'd like to know why you are not at home?"

"How did you find me?" She really couldn't believe that this was the real deal. This was Shinichi. Shinichi was standing right in front of her. And that was the perfect opportunity for her to stay at his house, find the invitation and destroy it before he found it without her having to break into his house. This was better then what she imagined. This was perfect.

"I asked you first."

She scoffed. "Are we playing this kid game now? I'm not at home because Aoko has trouble and she needed someone to talk to."

Shinichi frowned at that. "At midnight? Doesn't she have friends? And couldn't you have talked over the phone? Does your father even know?"

Ran pinched his cheek again and leaned close to him. "Now listen here, it is none of your business, geez. Now let's go home together. How about I stay at your place tonight since it's closer? I'm sure Otou-san won't mind."

Oh well, he would, he does but he didn't have to know, right? She just needed to be back before he found out she was ever gone and things would be fine.

Shinichi blushed and scratched his cheek. She knew it was a nervous tick of him. "Well, sure."

She nodded, linked arms with him and started walking in the direction of his home.

"But honestly, Ran. I don't like you running around the city in the middle of the night. I know you can take care of yourself just fine, but I still don't like it."

Ran shrugged. She'd much rather be in bed right now, too, but sometimes things weren't so easy. She understood why Aoko needed to talk about it right now and not wait until later today. If she were the one to find out, she'd have told Aoko to meet her right away, too. And since she couldn't promise him not to do it again, she didn't and changed the topic instead.

"Ne, Shinichi, do you think there are corrupted police inspectors or even super intendents?"

He turned his head in her direction and raised an eyebrow. "Why do you ask?"

Ran watched him out of the corner of her eye and sighed. "Aoko told me about it or rather she watched a movie and we talked about it. It was about police corruption and I just wondered if it was possible right here, as well. It seems so impossible to me, I mean, police can't be corrupted, right?"

Shinichi looked pensive for a second. "Well, there's always the possibility. But unless there is incriminating evidence no one would find out."

Well, that didn't help at all. He basically said there could be corruption but no one could do anything. No one knows about it and even if someone does, without heavy evidence it doesn't matter anyway. Well. Great. Just great. If they had in fact to deal with corrupted police than they were fucked, weren't they?

Why would the police even be corrupted? What motivations did they have? What would they gain by killing a few really great officers? Sato-keiji was amazing, she had incredible analytical skills. Maybe Aoko was right and she did see something she wasn't supposed to. But what was the link to the other targets? She'd never heard the names of the other three people and she didn't think they ever met. With Shinichi their ages were also too far apart to have them gone to school together or something like that.

Ran decided that this part was hers. She'd solve this puzzle, she'd find out what link there was between these people. There had to be one. There had to be unless the criminal chose randomly but why would he? What would he gain if he killed just a few people and then she realized that maybe they weren't the only targets. They were the prime targets, that one was clear but if they bombed the whole ballroom many more people would die.

Maybe there were political motivations. Maybe it was to weaken the police force. Maybe there was some more sinister plan working in the background no one knew about. Maybe this was just a distraction for something much worse?

Ran bit her lip.

She hoped not. She really hoped there was some personal grudge and there was no other list they'd have to find and solve. She really hoped this wasn't a puzzle inside a puzzle because that would be too much.

"Ne, Ran."

She looked up, startled to have been torn out of her thoughts like that.

He watched her with sharp eyes and stopped in front of her, successfully blocking her path. "I'm here. Now tell me about the case. You didn't tell the police, am I right?"

Ah, so that was what it was about. He only came because of the case?

Ran pursed her lips in disdain. Did he really only come because of that? Was he not worried about her, did he not want to see her? Did he just want to solve some damn case because it was a pride thing for him or something? Well, she knew he was a deduction freak and he could never say no to a case and she had been really surprised when he accepted not finding out about it. Even as Conan, she didn't let him know even when he had bothered her all the time. So he had decided to take another approach and get it out of her like this? Well, he thought wrong,

Ran scoffed. "Are you only here because of the case?"

She tried to sound strong, and not let him see the deep pain she felt. She wasn't close to tears, but it still hurt and she didn't want him to know how much his behavior hurt her.

He sighed. "Well, idiot, of course not. But now, that I am here, you should tell me. You promised to."

Ran looked him deep into his eyes, gouging if he was really serious.

"Look, Ran. I talked to Conan and Hattori. They said you have been acting weird lately. Disappearing during the day. Meeting with strange people. Meeting people in the middle of the night. This doesn't look safe to me. I'm worried. Let me help you."

As if she couldn't take care of herself. This was how much he trusted her, believed in her, didn't he?

Ran crossed her arms in front of her chest and scowled. Shinichi sighed and put his arms up in a placating manner only it didn't help with Ran's mood at all.

"Look. I'm not trying to tell that you cannot do it, you are smart enough to solve a case, Ran, but I have the feeling that this is much more. Let me help."

Ran shook her head slightly. "I would, Shinichi. If you were honest with me and let me in on your secrets, I could do the same now. But as things stand I want to have my own secrets for a change."

She couldn't tell him she knew about Conan because if she did he'd just tell her another lie and probably deceive her again and she honestly couldn't take that anymore. She was way beyond her limits and pretending was the only thing right now that kept her heart intact. Sometimes, play pretend wasn't so bad, after all.

Shinichi watched her with a strange expression on his face. He didn't look angry per se but definitely not happy, either. "Are you really willing to risk people's lives because of my secrets?"

She hated that tone of voice, that incredulous one, the one making her feel guilty.

"There is no case, anymore", she said crossly. "So you don't have to worry I might fuck it up, Shinichi. The client called me a few weeks ago and told me it was all a joke, after all. He had called the number and found out about it. I haven't been trying to solve it ever since. And the secret meeting? Well, for your information, I've been with Aoko because I wanted to prepare you a present but never mind that."

With that she stomped around him angrily and went ahead. She would have loved to go home, leave him behind but this was still the perfect opportunity to stay at his place, rummage through his things and make sure he didn't go to the ball.

She never felt worse for telling all those lies but they never were easier. She was surprised at how easy those words escaped her mouth, how easy it was to think up this excuse that was bullshit because she had had absolutely no time to even think about a present for Christmas for anyone, much less Shinichi. She'd have to do that, though and she wondered when she was supposed to make it. She had no time. There was no time.

She stopped, when he grabbed her arm, just like back then in London. She'd been angry back then too. Hurt too. But it was still different. Back then he had confessed to her and she still needed to give him an answer but it all felt so irrelevant now that she was looking at the bigger picture.

But maybe she should. Maybe she should tell him what she thought. Maybe this was the last chance she had. Maybe, for once, she should take it and no longer dilly dally around.

She turned to him, schooled her expression into an unreadable one.

"I don't like it when you lie, Ran."

"Because only another liar would detect a liar?"

Shinichi put on a Poker Face that Ran never saw on him before. It scared her. What made the carefree boy grow up so much, grow up so fast? When was the last time she truly saw him? Wasn't the last time at Tropical Land? He sure hadn't been at school ever since.

"Then there is still a case? Ran!" He shook her slightly. "Wake up! This is no game. What's going on?! Lying is not like you. I don't recognize you anymore."

It hit her like a brick, tearing away the ground under her feet. Was that it? He didn't recognize her so he could turn his back on her? Was he belittling her? No, not intentionally. At least she didn't think he did.

"What's going on, Ran? It's got something to do with Nakamori-san, am I right? Is she the client?"

Well, that's Shinichi for you, knowing stuff he wasn't supposed to know. He couldn't have come up with it only by observing her, could he? Was he really such a genius? She was slightly jealous but then again, she wasn't a constipated, lying jerk. Well – she hadn't been. She was no different from him now. They fit well now, both being liars and hurting each other. Maybe that was what they were both best in. Maybe that was the only thing they were truly great in. Relationshipwise.

Ran pressed her lips together. Now, how would she get out of this?

"You promised to tell me if I met you. I am right here. You even made sure it is really me. I'm not Kid trying to trick you."

Well, but he still tried to trick her every day, didn't he? Lies, lies, lies. It was all just lies. Nothing more.

She couldn't tell him. She wouldn't. He couldn't take on another case, not when that case of his was already dangerous enough that he couldn't tell her about it. It wasn't simply pride on her side, she was also hurt and worried. She was scared – of losing him mostly.

He was here, right here with her. She could tell him and how easy would it be telling him. Things would be alright. He could take care of himself but then again, could he? If she was right, he was Conan and he had gotten into that mess somehow. He disappeared, there were dangerous people after him, weren't there? How was he supposed to handle more dangerous people? She wanted to help him. She needed to help him.

This was her case and the possessiveness of her own thought startled her. But he wasn't involved and she didn't want him to. She'd need to become more observant. She'd need to become even stronger but she had to protect him.

Shaking her head, Ran looked at him determined. "I don't care what you say, Shinichi. There is no case for you to solve."

But there was a case for her to solve. Her and Aoko and they would solve it, if it was the last thing they did.

And in face of the truth of that thought, Ran gave up all of her inhibitions, leaned in and kissed Shinichi on the lips.

This might be the last chance she had. It could be all over in just four month's time. She was sure he'd change back into Conan and there was no way she'd be able to kiss him then. This might very well be her very last chance to show him what he meant to her.

His lips were soft, parted in surprise at her attack and she didn't give him a chance to react before she stepped away slightly. She felt heat rush into her face but that was fine. It warmed her cold and frozen body, it felt nice.

Shinichi had a blazed dreamy, unfocused look on his face and she wondered if she maybe broke him? Was that too much? She was embarrassed too, damn it! Waiting for a response, she looked to the ground in chagrin. His lips had really felt nice. But it was nothing like what she read in all those books. There were no sparks and no tingling but his lips were cold from the freezing weather and he felt real and it was the best feeling she'd ever felt.

Suddenly, he lifted her chin and crashed his lips against her. Ran gasped, opening her mouth and he took that opportunity to boldly stick his tongue inside her mouth.

Ran closed her eyes, put her hands on his face and reciprocated the kiss. It didn't feel world shattering but it was the best thing she'd ever felt and wished time would stop.

She felt his arms around her waist and suddenly she was warm. His body was close to hers and she knew a second ago she'd been freezing and tired because she needed sleep but right now her body was on fire and her mind wide awake.

His tongue felt alien but not unwelcome, a warm contrast to his cold lips. She kissed him back with as much fervor and felt butterflies spread through her stomach.

How long had she waited for this? How many nights had she dreamed to be this close to him, to have him hold her, kiss her, love her? Well, certainly, there was no way he would love her in that way right now. Ran flushed bright red and broke the kiss. Maybe things were getting too heated and while this might be her only chance to experience that as well, she wasn't ready for that.

Shinichi leaned his forehand on hers and looked her in the eyes. They were clouded with something Ran couldn't quite place. There was passion, want, lust, anger but something else too. Love, there was definitely love there but she couldn't quite figure out the rest and she wondered what he saw in her eyes. Was she as open as him right now? Namely – not?

The dazedness soon left his eyes, but never the love. She never felt more loved by anyone else than right now and she enjoyed every second of it.

"Is that your response?" he asked in a husky voice and it turned her on in a way she never imagined was possible. Swallowing hard, she nodded and Shinichi smiled smugly. Pecking her on the lips, he let go, instead grabbed her hand and pulling her along.

"Let's go home, Ran."

Thank you for your awesome reviews! As a reward here's the new chapter!

The ending was rather rushed I think so next chapter it'll be explained. Also, next chapter we'll get Kaito's and Shinichi's pov.

And finally, with this chapter, we've officially got to the middle. :D

Reviews make the author infinitely happy.