I meet with Delly two days later, she invites me to her house and we sit in her kitchen drinking tea. For the first few minutes it's awkward but then she asks the exact same question Rye did
"Where have you been Madge?"
"Nowhere"
"You stopped coming to school"
"My father thought I should be home schooled"
"You stopped calling around"
"You stopped talking to me" I bite back defensively
"I- it- ... I'm sorry"
"Was it- did my father do something?" I ask carefully, all the color drains from Delly's cheeks "did he?" I push though I know the answer
"He said- he-"
"He didn't do anything" Delly and I both fright at the sound of Mr. Cartwright's voice in the doorway "I told Delly to distance herself from you"
"Daddy" Delly pleads
"It was for the best" for a moment I feel like I've been punched in the gut but I know my father and what he's capable of and I know it comes back to him somehow
"You're lying" I turn to face Mr. Cartwright and he's looking at his feet "what did he do?" I implore as gently as I can, I want to scream, to pound on his chest and scream at him to tell me but let the silence badger him instead
"He didn't do anything"
"Please tell me" I whisper
"He had men come here and beat my dad, he wasn't sick, he was recovering. They said I had to stay away from you" Delly bursts, tears streaming from her eyes faster then the words spill from her lips
"I- I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come, I'll stay away. I'm sorry" I blabber, fleeing the room. Both Cartwright's call after me but there's no way I'm stopping. I knew he was a monster, I knew he was violent but I didn't know anyone else was ever on the receiving end and the Cartwright's are such good people.
I almost knock Cato over in my haste to get up stairs and he has to catch me before I fall to the floor
"Hey, slow down there, what's the matter?"
"I'm fine"
"You don't seem fine, what happened? I thought you were at a friend's?"
"I'm fine" I snap then I feel terrible for taking even a shred of my anger out on him "sorry, I'm fine"
"I'll make you some tea" he says, letting me go
"Thank you. If it's not too much trouble, could you?-"
"I'll bring it to your room" he nods
"Thank you".
I sit at my piano and take gasping breaths of air, the guilt is stifling, it's choking me and squeezing the oxygen from my lungs. It's a panic attack, brought on by anxiety, apparently I had them as a child. I can't breathe! My vision swims for a few seconds before blurring completely and then the floor is hurtling towards me.
"Madge, Madge. C'mon open up" Cato encourages and shakes me gently "there you are" I open my eyes to find him smiling with relief "what on earth happened?" I peer around the room from my spot on Cato's lap and realize I must have fallen off the piano stool
"I must have fainted"
"Do you think you could stand?"
"Yes, I'm fine" Cato helps me to my feet but his hands hover protectively until he's sure I'm not going to keel over again
"We need to get some dinner in you, c'mon" Cato takes the stairs backwards so he's able to catch me if I collapse again to which I roll my eyes, then seats me at the dining table "eat up then you can tell me what's wrong"
"Nothing, I'm fine" I force a smile and Cato sighs heavily
"Madge, you fainted"
"I haven't eaten much today that's all" Cato's brows furrow but he doesn't push it, he does however force second helpings down my throat
"Perhaps I should take you to a doctor?" he muses
"No, really I'm fine"
"Madge, I'd really feel better if you got checked over, what if you hit your head? You're not supposed to sleep if you have a concussion"
"Cato please"
"No Madge I think I'd like you to see a doctor. As your elder I'm going to have to insist".
Cato all but carries me through town to the Everdeen homestead behind the saloon. It's not especially late, even so Cato knocks very quietly.
"Yes?" The woman who answers the door is familiar, I recognize her as Evelyn Everdeen. She's become some sort of shut in since her husband died but still practices medicine. She's thin and pale and reminds me so much of the later memories I have of my mother
"Hello there, I'm sorry to disturb but my cousin here fainted and I wanted to be sure she hasn't bumped her head or something. I know it's late but I was wondering if you could look her over"
"Of course" she answers before I can protest "come in and take a seat".
I answer her questions as I think I should, if she was to do a thorough examination she'd find a lot more than a bump to the head so I keep my answers short.
"Well?" Cato asks "is she alright? Should I let her sleep?"
"Yes, sleep will do her some good. Come back if you need anything else alright Madge?"
"Yes, thank you" I nod, too desperate to leave to wonder when she learnt my name.
I have to squint when I wake the following morning, I forgot to draw the curtains last night and as a result, scorching Colorado sunlight pours through the window. I stretch my arms above my head and arch my back reveling in the satisfying clicks and unusual absence of pain, there's the dull ache that never goes away but nothing major and that is something I'll take pleasure in for as long as possible.
I'm relishing the feeling of almost weightlessness when someone raps the heavy knocker on the front door. With a groan and a resigned sigh I heave myself from the thick downy pillows, wrap myself in a robe and tip toe downstairs. I open the door to reveal Delly, fidgeting and wringing her hands
"Madge" she sighs, her tone edging on desperate "I'm sorry, I never should have told you"
"No, you did the right thing. I needed to know" I assure her, though I'm not sure that's true
"I was desperate and scared, I'm so scared for my family Madge" I find affection uncomfortable because it's something I so rarely experience but lately I've found my broken body and damaged soul crave it. So for my own sake and Delly's I rush forward and hug her. She sighs against my shoulder and I can hear her sniffing back tears
"It's alright. You're not the one who should be sorry" I tell her "I'm so sorry" I whisper, tears choking my words
"It wasn't your fault Madge, it's not your fault" Delly squeezes me once more and I begin to ache but will endure it for the affection "now would you like to try tea again?"
"I won't put you in any more danger Delly. Being around me isn't good for you, or anyone"
"That's no way for anyone to live!" she retorts angrily "I'm scared of what will happen if he finds out but I'm more scared of what will happen to you if he keeps you isolated much longer. For now, we'll keep it a secret, meet when he's away"
"What if he doesn't go away again?"
"Madge" she scowls
"That would be great" I agree, not wanting to be negative anymore "Maybe we should try Sae's?" I ask referring to the open air cafe at the edge of town.
Our second attempt at tea goes better, we avoid the subject of my father and talk about only mundane things, mainly her and Rye and honestly it's nice. To act normal and talk just for the sake of talking. When she invites me to her date with Rye I laugh and decline, telling her to have a good time and trying not to think about the fact that my father is returning tomorrow.
I make sure Cato is gone before noon so I have time to clean and cook dinner before my father returns, I don't know what to expect, I don't know exactly what time he'll arrive home. I don't even know why he went away in the first place.
When he lets himself in through the front door, I'm setting the table for our meal so I go to the entryway to greet him. The words have barely left my lips before he slaps me, it wasn't particularly hard but it was unexpected and the force sends me head first in to the door frame
"What?" I gasp, clutching my head "what did I do?" when I look up, my father looks almost guilty
"Sit down, I want to speak to you"
My father collects himself a drink before he sits and stays quiet a while just sipping from his tumbler
"I've arranged a match for you" he says eventually "an excellent one"
"I don't understand?" I reply carefully
"What's to understand, you're to be married, it's arranged"
"Married?" I gasp, the air escaping my lungs as it did before and I begin to feel lightheaded
"Yes, to Seneca Crane"
"The Bank Manager?" I murmur dumbly
"Yes"
"But I- I thought-" I thought I'd never be married, come our wedding night and they saw the scars, saw the way some of my joints bent awkwardly, my bones protruded. I thought I'd live out the rest of my days under this roof knowing nothing but abuse
"I'm 14"
"What does that matter? You can cook can't you? Sew? Clean? I've raised and taught you well, to be a good wife"
"Father" the look he gives me should silence me but it doesn't "I can't. I barely know him. I'm too young. He'll see things"
"Don't. Question. Me" he bellows, rising from his seat and reaching over the table for me and for some reason I do something I've never done before. I move away, step out of his reach so he falls flat on the table and I regret it immediately. Even so I do something else I've never done, I go against instincts I've lived by for years and I run. Not to my piano, not to my room, not to a place where eventually he will find me and bring pain but out of the house.
He doesn't follow but that doesn't mean I stop running. I reach the town border before I stop and I think about starting up again. I read the sign that hangs above the road and curse the name Panem but I don't take another step. The lanterns hanging from the town sign are the only light I can see but being surrounded by darkness isn't new for me. I sit beneath one of them and watch a puddle of wax grow beside me, watching it fall and cool and harden drop by drop until someone approaches.
I don't move, I'm done running, whether it's my father, a dog soldier or anyone else I don't care.
"Are you dead?" the person calls and I pick up my head in answer. It's not my father and it's not an Indian
"Mr. Abbernathy, pleasure to meet you, we haven't been formerly introduced" I speak with ragged breaths
"Hell's teeth girl I thought you were Old Ripper, drank to much homemade hooch and died over there"
"Madge Undersee, not dead" I tell him breathlessly, letting my head fall back against the post
"What are you doing out here? Dangerous a young girl out in the dark"
"I'll take my chances" it's quiet for a while but the saloon owner doesn't leave
"Hey you're that Trinket's niece aren't you?"
"Yeah?" I frown, not many people being privy to that information much less a relative newcomer to town
"The boy, Trinket's kid, he's your cousin?"
"That is how it works" I frown further then realize how rude I sound "Cato? Yes, he's my cousin"
"He comes in the Saloon sometimes"
"Yes"
"Seems like an alright kid"
"He is, a very good man"
"They alright? You know, taken care of? Does he look after his mother?" I narrow my eyes at Mr. Abbernathy suspiciously but he doesn't notice
"Yes, he adores his mother and she loves him more than anything in the world" I tell him an edge in my tone
"Good, good" he nods and swigs from a flask
"Any particular reason you ask?" usually my prying would be considered rude but Mr. Abbernathy doesn't seem one for niceties
"No, no. No reason" he slurs and begins to sway as he walks away "you or him ... or Trinket I guess. You have any problems you come to me alright?" my brow furrows "I mean it, anything you need"
"That's very kind " I tell his back
"You get home now alright, it's dangerous out here".
I go home to the beating of a lifetime, the whole time he tells me he knew I'd come back. After a certain point I don't even feel it anymore and eventually I fall asleep where he leaves me.