I watch the puddle of crimson liquid creep away from me, engulfing the floor boards, claiming them one grain of wood at a time. I watch it submerge around a chair leg, then another, maybe it'll cover the entire first floor and ruin the carpets. I almost smile. I wonder if it'll be dry by the time they find me, will anyone find me? All it would take is a little white lie. 'She's gone away to boarding school', 'married and moved to the city', 'abducted by Indians' no one would care enough to question it.
The red puddle has reached the door by the time I hear someone, I was starting to wonder if I'd run out of blood. I close my eyes for the death blow but it doesn't come
"Oh Sweetheart" the footsteps coo. I don't recognize the voice. I gurgle, the movement stirs the pooled blood in my mouth and for a few miserable seconds I think I might drown in my own blood
"Sshhh Sweetheart, hold on" I'm lifted I think and my blood sucks at the strangers boots as I'm carried from the house. I feel light and empty, maybe I am, maybe I have no blood left in me. Surely I'd be dead if that were the case, wait, am I dead? Is this what dead is? The sounds of a horse makes me think no, maybe not. I'm settled in the bed of a wagon on what feels like sacks of flour and I groan in protest
"No" blood dribbles down my chin but I can't move to wipe it away
"Sshhh Sweetheart"
"The blood'll ruin flour" I explain feebly "can't waste th- flour" I can't see whoever it is who's come for me but I hear them take a shuddering breath.
The wagon jostles me lightly, I'm sure it would lull me to sleep if it weren't for the strangers constant nattering 'stay with me Sweetheart', 'come on Sweetheart, stay awake, keep your eyes open'. I just want to sleep. As my companion won't let me, I listen to the wheels of the cart rattle. I notice how our road changes from a dusty path to loose stones, to dry earth, to worn grass until we come to a stop, it wasn't a long journey, a few minutes maybe. A fire crackles and there are other horses nearby but all I can see are the stars.
Maybe this is death, I have never seen anything more beautiful. The sky is clearer than I have ever witnessed and scattered with a million flickers of light, the longer I look, the more beautiful it gets. The sky I had once thought black changes to more of a bluish purple and the moon is so huge, I've never felt more insignificant, not even when I was beaten and bloody and locked in a cupboard
"Evelyn! Come quick!" the stranger bellows
"Haymitch, is everything alright?" a concerned woman answers. Haymitch? Abbernathy?
"Hurry!" Haymitch - apparently, lifts me from his wagon and the stars swirl and blur
"Beautiful" I murmur
"My God" Evelyn gasps "what happened?" there's something strangely freeing about hearing her blaspheme, like maybe I'm not the only one who doesn't think he's up there, or if he is, he turned his back on us a long time ago
"Found her like this"
"Bring her inside"
"No, not having her in there" there's a quiet stillness before anyone speaks
"Set her down here then"
"Outside?" Haymitch hisses
"The children are inside, they can't see this. If I can help her we'll move her inside when I've finished" the 'if' is loaded with uncertainty, I may be beyond help. Why bother taking me inside if I'm going to die. I'm lowered to the ground and my head hurts but I don't mind, I can still see the stars "go and get Primrose and Hazelle, bring water and my medical kit back with you" Haymitch's footfalls retreat, it sounds like he's running, I laugh at the idea of a drunk running and it makes a thick gurgling sound "you poor dear, you poor poor little dear".
Footsteps approach quickly from the direction Haymitch left and I let my head roll to the side. There's a large cabin a few hundred meters away, a barn, two large homesteads and between it and us are Haymitch and two others. The first is a woman with dark hair and skin, there is no doubt she has Indian blood, the second is a young girl, probably a few years younger than me. She is like the Doctor, with pale skin, fair hair and kind blue eyes, like me, I realize, from town.
They can't see me like this, it's the rules. The dark woman gapes and the girl gasps when they see me. They're not allowed to see me. I groan in protest and lift my head
"No dear, rest your head, lay down" there's no strength in me to fight so I let her set my head back down "She's already lost a lot of blood, first priority is sealing her wounds. Prim you start on her legs, Hazelle her arms. Just like stitching a saddle alright but don't guide the needle too deep. Haymitch give me your flask" he hands it over without a fight but takes a rather large gulp of whatever's in it first.
The cloth, doused in white liquor, stings and the sterilized needles prick at my skin where the cuts are big enough for me to need stitches. It's painful but not unwelcome, it reminds me I'm not dead, not yet anyways. I feel awfully dizzy though, I just need to sleep. This time nothing Haymitch says keeps me from succumbing to oblivion.
When I wake again it's to voices that are distant and distorted like my head's submerged in water, the more I focus, the clearer they become.
"Is there, you know, any other ... damage?" I think that's Haymitch, there's a long pause before Evelyn replies
"I didn't even think to look" Evelyn's hands waver against my arm "surely not his own daughter"
"If he's capable of this"
"I'll check" Evelyn says soothingly "you might want to go for a walk" she says meaningfully, Haymitch clears his throat then stumbles away as I feel my dress being lifted. No. Please no, not that. There's a sharpness as Evelyn examines me and I slip away again.
"What do you suppose happened?"
"Give it a rest Hazelle, we both know exactly what happened to her. That bastard" Haymitch grumbles
"That's more than one man's work Haymitch, either he had help or a club" Hazelle replies. Haymitch spits
"I'll kill him, should've done it years ago, brought her out here with us"
"You know you couldn't have"
"Poor thing, how long has he been doing this?"
"Evelyn says there're injuries going back years, broken ribs, scars"
"Stop! Okay just stop, please. I didn't really want an answer"
"She's alright now Haymitch, we'll look after her"
"Does she look alright to you?"
"She will be, we'll make sure of it" there's a disturbance further away, horses, voices and now that I'm listening, music and laughing. The pain in my head doesn't ebb as my consciousness does and neither do the violent dreams, memories. When awareness comes again I'm grateful despite the pain
"We can't keep her, won't they come looking for her, she's the mayor's daughter" there's a voice I don't recognize. It's angry and female
"He won't look for her" Haymitch tells the woman
"Why not?"
"He just won't" Haymitch growls "she's staying here and that's that"
"It's not your decision to make" the angry woman retorts
"I think you'll find it is"
"What, you're going to keep her in the house?"
"She's not a pet Johanna" someone else cuts in
"You can't keep her" the first woman - Johanna repeats
"Maybe I should give her your room" Haymitch snaps
"In a whore house? Really?" Haymitch takes a deep breath
"Then I'll take her somewhere else"
"What?"
"If she goes, I go and guess what that means for you"
"But-" Johanna is cut off by another gruff male voice
"She'll stay" it's spoken with finality
"What?! Where are you gonna put her?" the angry woman exclaims
"Quiet Jo, you heard me. She'll stay with us now leave it be" someone storms off, Jo presumably
"Thanks" Haymitch says genuinely, there's no answer. With only Haymitch's screwing and unscrewing of his flask to listen to, I drift off again. I lose track of how many times I drift in and out.
I hear multiple voices, upbeat music and laughter - the sounds of Haymitch's saloon. I'm in one of the cabins near it. A number of people come and go, there's Hazelle, who I find to be wise, witty with a dry sense of humor. Her children, Rory, who sounds stubborn and mature beyond his years, Vick who I judge to be smart for his age, either that or his high voice is very deceiving and Posy, she can't be older than five and I am completely enraptured by her, many a time I have found myself wanting to laugh only to be let down by my uncooperative body.
Then there is Evelyn, she's been 'fixing me up', she's soft spoken when she does speak which isn't often but gentle as far as I can tell. Prim is her daughter, I remember how much they looked alike. Prim is also soft spoken and gentle, she hums whilst she goes about her day and is oblivious to the way Rory dotes on her. Evelyn has another daughter, Katniss. Of all the people here she has the most effect on me, everything about her is familiar, like I know her, never more so than when she sings. She'll only do it when no one else is around but she does sing for me or near me, she is otherwise silent. She whispers with the man who had decided I stay and plays with the children but very rarely converses with anyone else.
Johanna, or Jo, as I have come to know her isn't around much but when she is she makes it very clear she's not happy about my being here. A girl called Annie bathes me and changes my dressings. She is either a genius or crazy but sweet, she talks to me often. Then of course there is Haymitch. He checks on me every day but doesn't say much. He always leaves the smell of white liquor lurking behind him and I find myself wanting to frown and snatch the ever present flask from his hands. Nothing good comes from drinking that much. Lastly, a mysterious visitor that comes by often, maybe twice a day that I can tell. They sit outside the room I'm in. I assume it's a man because I sometimes hear him snoring when he falls asleep against the door. Sometimes he'll come in and stroke my cheek as if wiping away a tear and it's infuriating that I can't open my eyes to see their face.
The first time I surface again properly Annie is with me, I'm struck by her beauty, her red hair, her creamy complexion and her gold flecked, green eyes. I'm unbelievably hungry and can't wait to get this darn catheter off, I tell Annie so and she startles
"You're awake!"
"Sorry" I wheeze, I don't recognize my voice, it's a whisper and barely audible "I didn't mean to frighten you"
"No need to apologize, how do you feel?"
"Sore"
"That's to be expected, let me fetch Evelyn" Annie returns with Evelyn and Haymitch seconds later
"You're awake, thank god" Haymitch sighs
"How do you feel?" Evelyn asks stroking the back of her hand across my forehead
"Like I've been beaten with a cane" I mumble without thinking, four pairs of eyes widen simultaneously "I mean-" how could I be so stupid, nine years and I haven't slipped up, not once and now, God I'm stupid! And all for the sake of sarcasm
"Is that what he did? He used a cane?" Haymitch asks looking a little green, I say nothing and he pulls out his flask, Evelyn gives him a look but he glares back "I need a drink" he snaps
"Do you need anything dear?" Evelyn asks turning her attention back to me. Yes! I want to scream but years of beatings and my own mistake have taught me to never ask for anything. Ever "hm?" she tries again when I don't answer "how about some water?"
"Yes please, if it's not too much trouble"
"Of course not, here you are" she says handing me a glass from the jug in the corner of the room. When my wrist is too weak to lift the glass Annie takes it from me and helps me drink from it "anything else?"
"No thank you" I lie, I'm starving and really wouldn't mind drinking the rest of the water
"She mentioned her catheter was uncomfortable"
"Oh well we can fix that, now that you're awake I can remove it" I can't help but smile
"Thank you"
"Are you sure there's nothing else? You must be hungry?" Evelyn smiles expectantly and I nod "I'll have Prim bring you some broth and if your stomach can handle that anything else you'd like" Evelyn leaves through the only door and I swear she's about to cry
"I'm glad you're awake sweetheart" Haymitch surprises us both by planting a kiss atop my head before leaving too. I've only ever met the man once whilst he was drunk and I was distraught yet after the way he's worried and fought for me I can't help but feel bonded to him
"Madge? Can I call you Madge?" Annie asks carefully
"Of course, may I call you Annie?" she smiles
"Of course, how did you know my name?"
"I heard a lot while I was ... asleep, I'm sorry, I didn't think - I - I didn't mean to - I"
"Hush don't be silly" she says softly covering my hand with her own "I'm just glad you're awake".