Chapter Thirteen

A Flawed Plan

The plan was, essentially, to avoid Sirius at all costs.

Staying out of a good ten yard radius would be effective, I rationalized, and if I managed to keep it up, thinking about him would be pointless and I would quickly forget about any wisps of feelings that leaned towards... well, towards that certain topic that made my stomach twist uneasily.

The plan also entailed Remus.

I dropped my books down on the desk top with a thud, and his eyes rose to meet mine slowly. "Oh, hullo Gracie," Remus greeted, a bit sluggish if anything.

Remus had always been a good friend of mine, closest maybe after Lily and Sirius, but now I found our friendship increasingly important in carrying out the plan without gaping flaws. I would just get closer to Remus.

Not physically. Just emotionally. In a friendly way. Strictly friendly.

And that's all it took for me to see the already gaping flaw in my plan. I groaned.

"What's wrong?"

I turned towards him with a start and blinked. "Oh, woops. Sorry, train of thought hit a bump."

"Hm." He stared at me for a moment, and then turned to open his book and flipped through the pages idly.

The fact of the matter was, I had never intended to develop 'feelings' for Sirius, and so how I could prevent the same from happening with Remus? I had no idea how to combat a fancy whatsoever. This plan would therefore be ineffective. I was doomed. Doomed with fickle, elementary feelings.

Remus didn't make a comment on the fact that I had claimed Sirius's spot, nor did he ask about my 'train of thought.' Remus was quiet, certainly much quieter than James and Sirius, but he normally would ask about my odd behavior, if anything. Instead he buried himself with the words on the page, even though class hadn't started yet. His eyes glazed over the ink, unmoving, and then fell slowly, closing, then flickering open, then falling closed again…

I nudged his shoulder and he started, eyes wide, and then remembered where he was and relaxed. "Sorry," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with a yawn.

"You feeling all right?"

He nodded. "Late night," was his only answer.

There was a long, thin scratch that ran down his jaw line and I took that as a sign that last night must have been full moon. My gaze wandered around the room searching for Sirius, and when I didn't find him, I felt a painful throb at the thought that he might have gotten hurt.

But then I stared at the space in front of me, realizing how quick I had been to worry about him in particular, and made myself worry about James and Peter, too. It was hard to force myself to genuinely worry, though.

They were all fine, and I knew it, but I was a bit paranoid if anything at the idea of Sirius being hurt.

So much for this plan. Maybe I would just have to go back to Kenneth.

I shuddered. No, I was not going to include that in my plan.

"You steal my spot and then you put Remus to sleep," a voice laughed from behind, trotting up alongside me.

I couldn't help but feel relieved and irritated all at once at the sound of his voice. I'd only formed my plan this morning and it had already failed in more ways than one. I allowed myself to steal a glance at him, and my eyes brushed over a clean face, free of bruises or cuts. He hardly even looked tired; he bounced on his toes, grey eyes bright and swinging about. Much opposite of the drooling Remus beside me.

"You can take my seat," I said, turning from him and directing my gaze to the wood of the desk. "I was going to ask Remus for," I glanced momentarily at his sleeping face, "help with Potions."

"If you can get him awake, that is," Sirius said, and pranced off from me, then turned back midstep. "Where do you sit, anyhow?"

I scanned the room for the hippogriff and pointed towards her.

His eyes went wide and he stage-whispered, "Stewart?"

"Mhm," I mumbled, drawing my book towards me. "Enjoy yourself."

He let out a loud groan.

Lily had warned me against ignoring him, as those types of plans apparently never worked. How could she just assume something like that, though? This was a brand new idea that she had never personally witnessed, and she could not just make such a bold assumption out of practically nothing. She'd see when it was all over. I was right; this was the only way.

When class started, however, it seemed to drag on endlessly, and I had to make a conscious effort to remember where Sirius was in my peripheral vision so I did not accidentally glance over at him. It was a bit tiring, if anything.

Professor Slughorn walked to the front of the class, looking quite exhausted from attempting to quiet the students and failing numerous times. "It's come to my attention that some of you are in desperate need of a review from last year," he announced, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Today we'll be covering a potion of your choice. I'll take a class vote... either a Blood-Replenishing Potion, a Shrinking Solution, or Amorentia." He glanced around the room with his beady eyes quickly, seemingly processing his own words, and then shook his head. "No, never mind. I'll just let someone choose. Ah, Miss Stewart, if you'll choose one for us."

Marie Claire's head shot up and she flushed darkly. "Um..." Her head darted over to her neighbor—dammit, so much for not looking at him—and she whispered loudly, "What did he say?" Sirius shrugged his shoulders, looking bored, and Marie Claire swiveled back to the front. "Um, the last one, sir."

"Amortentia, then?"

She nodded uncertainly, looking stricken, as if she'd had no idea which potion the 'last one' had entailed in the first place.

"Excellent. The most dangerous of them all," he said monotonously, turning from the class to gather the materials. "You'll brew them in your pairs, as usual, but I must insist that none of you attempt to consume or bottle the potion when it is finished. I'll be checking pockets just in case."

Remus rubbed his eyes beside me, letting out another giant yawn. "Why do we need to know about love potions for our NEWT?"

"I've no idea," I said, and then tapped my chin thoughtfully, a smile spreading across my face. "But if it comes down to it, I'm willing to spike the examiner's drink with one. Couldn't give me a bad mark if he was in love with me, eh?"

Remus laughed sleepily. "Reckon not. Possibly a brilliant plan."

"Flattered," I said, bowing my head, to which Remus shook his head before I darted off to collect the materials. I came back with my hands full of odd things I couldn't name, pretty, shiny things and some particularly slimy or sharp. I dumped them on the desk and proceeded to chop or stir or boil or whatever I was supposed to do alongside Remus.

After fifteen minutes of droning and tedious work, Slughorn came around and gave our potion a whiff. I shot Remus a wary look, and he only pressed his lips together; neither of us had been sure if we were finished just yet, and Slughorn had reached our cauldron sooner than I'd expected.

"Ah. Daisies," he commented, and gave us a curt nod before continuing on.

I glanced at Remus again, wondering if something had gone wrong. "Daisies? That's odd. There aren't any daisies in our materials..."

"It smells differently to each person," Remus reminded me, and leaned forward to smell it. "Rain, and... vanilla." He blinked. "Well, that's an odd smell together."

"I could have sworn it smelled like," I leaned forward, raising a brow, "coconut."

"That's what I'm saying; it smells different to you than it would to me. Do you smell anything else?"

I shook my head. "Maybe leaves. Like in autumn, you know?"

"Odd," he conceded.

I stirred it idly, releasing an accomplished breath. Nothing had ignited or blown up, and that was the very least I could ask for. I studied the pearly color, the wispy, spiral clouds of smoke that emitted from the liquid. "So, Remus, how would you like to fall in love with me?"

He mockingly considered the notion for a moment and then leaned back in his chair, raising his eyebrows. "I don't reckon you'd enjoy an incident like the James fiasco from last year again." His lips curled teasingly.

I cringed at the memory. "No, no. Good call there."

"It had its benefits, though, you have to admit. There was nothing quite like seeing Lily push good ol' James in the Black Lake. His face was black for a week."

Last year for Valentine's day, Sirius had decided it would be funny to surprise James with Firewhiskey and a little dash of his secret ingredient, a love potion. Needless to say, I had been the target and James had stalked me all afternoon, until Lily and I were studying by the lake and she grew so sick of his relentless presence that she shoved him into the water. He apparently had landed on the Giant Squid and upset it so greatly that it attacked James with its ink.

I'd never quite given shaken off the oddity that that day had been; I'd even gone as far as stealing Sirius's bed sheets for a week in vengeance.

And there he was in my thoughts again. I sighed, releasing the ladle.

Remus frowned. "Something bothering you? You've been acting a little out of it all morning."

"I'm fine," I said with a shrug. "Just, um, a little glum. Thinking about Christmas."

"What about it?"

"I'll be here again," I answered, biting my lips together. It was true; Christmas was quickly approaching, and I would in fact be residing in the castle for the holiday as I had for the last seven years, but I couldn't dump the recesses of my mind onto Remus at a moment like this. A lie would have to do, but then again, it wasn't really a lie at all.

"Oh," Remus said, brows knitting together. "Won't Sirius be here? Can't be too bad."

I fought the flinch that I felt course through my limbs. "He spent the last Christmas with the Potters, so I don't know." Of course I wanted him to stay, but it wasn't very well helping with my current condition, was it?

Remus shot a glance over his shoulder, and I watched the expression in his face morph into a kind of concerned amusement, something that often found his face when Sirius or James or I did something absolutely ridiculous. I turned my head to see what was creating this expression on his face, only to find that it was in fact Sirius. I kicked myself mentally.

And when my stomach dropped sickeningly, I kicked myself again, as hard as I mentally could. Sirius was leaning in close to Marie Claire, a kilometer wide smile on his face, likely telling a joke by her incessant giggling, acting like he'd just said the funniest thing since Merlin's baggiest Y-fronts. And then I was looking at her and at the flush that was mounted to her features and I noticed the hand by her shoulder, and I realized Sirius's arm was around her, and it became so painstakingly obvious that he was flirting and she, the jabbermouth little hippogriff, was soaking up every second of it.

I collected a breath and looked away, trying to compose my face in some way as to not attract Remus's attention. I wanted to at least bury my face in my hands, but that would be much too obvious. Instead I just sat stiffly, fixing my eyes on a crack in the wall so I would not be tempted to turn my head back around.

"Er, Gracie?" Remus poked my shoulder.

"Hm?" I didn't turn.

"I'm telling you, you're acting really odd."

I was jealous. It was stupid and senseless and irrelevant and pointless and oh my goodness why was she giggling so loudly? She was beginning to sound like a Chihuahua on Cheering Solution! I grit my teeth together and focused on my breathing instead. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. It wasn't difficult. Breathe in, breathe out…

But he didn't even like her! He'd whined about her only just this morning!

I snapped, twisting around and slamming my textbook shut. I hadn't even been reading it; it had just been close, and I needed to exert my frustration somehow. "Why is she so loud? We're supposed to be working!"

I was absolutely seething by then, so much so that Remus was beginning to look a little less concerned and a little more alarmed. "You mean Stewart?"

I folded my arms across my chest, too livid to care that I'd just released my jealousy to the wind.

"We've only got five minutes left of class, you know," Remus reminded me gently.

"Yes, but isn't she a Ravenclaw? What about hardwork and dedication? Shouldn't she be working diligently until the end of class?" The expression on his face didn't satisfy my fury. "Hell, she should be working even after class! She's a bloody Ravenclaw!"

"I'm not sure I..." he paused warily, "understand?"

"Never mind," I muttered darkly, collecting my books with a mad sweep of my arms. "Five minutes, you said? I'll see you later."

And then I was gone. I heard Remus call my name once, but I acted as if I hadn't heard him, and when I had to walk by Sirius's seat, I kept my gaze strictly forward and pushed through the door as if I didn't have a care in the world.

I realized when I'd gotten into the hallway that I was shaking. I stopped in the middle of the corridor to recollect myself and rubbed my forehead with a long sigh.

That was it, I told myself. This was where it ended. This was the last time I would let this kind of thing bother me. This was the last time I would care at all.

The hardest part of pretending you don't care, though, is knowing somewhere deep down inside of all that madness how much you really do.

A/N: Phew, this took a while, and it wasn't even that fantastic. Or long. Oh well. I've been buried in exams and volunteering and that awful nasty thing called writer's block which I was so proud I hadn't had this entire story so far! Well, anyways, it's over now, and hopefully I'll have a lot easier time managing not only my time but my ideas. Hopefully updates will be more often, though I can't promise you anything, but I won't leave you for too long. There's a lot coming up soon, though! And please, please, please leave me a review. I need some encouragement :) thank you all, you are the absolute best readers I could ask for!